Celebrity Fear Factor with the Fellowship of the Ring
"Okay, we're on in five, four, three, two, one!" shouted the director. The camera whirred and clicked on.
Annoyingly cheerful and perky, Joe Rogan, host of Fear Factor, turned to face the camera. "Today on Celebrity Fear Factor, we're putting the Fellowship of the Ring to the test. The stunts on this show are tested and supervised by trained professionals. Do not attempt-"
"Get on with it, you pathetic excuse for a human," growled Gimli. He fingered his axe and glared.
The host trembled slightly and continued. "Anyways, here's my co-host, Gandalf the White!" The crowd cheered loudly and a puff of smoke appeared on the stage. As it cleared, Gandalf emerged.
"You really had to go with the cliched entrance, didn't you," remarked Aragorn dryly.
"Oh, come on!" chirped Pippin. "You're ruinin' the fun of the game!"
"Let me introduce our contestants for today," Gandalf rumbled. "Gimli, Son of Gloin," he began, and the crowd clapped politely. "Pippin of the Shire," he continued. More mild clapping. "Merry of the Sh-" he began, but Merry interrupted him by thumping his chest. "You need people of intelligence on this sort of... mission."
"That's my line!" said Pippin indignantly.
"Sam Gamgee of the Shire," said Gandalf, ignoring Pippin. Sam bowed politely to Rosie, who was sitting in the audience. "Frodo Bag-" But Gandalf was once again interrupted, but this time by Frodo fans, especially his uncle Bilbo.
"Get 'em, Frodo!" he shouted, stamping his hairy feet. Frodo smiled slightly, and the Frodo fangirls cheered.
"Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir of Isildur, heir to the throne of-" boomed Gandalf, but he was drowned out by screams in the audience.
"Go Aragorn!' yelled a girl in the audience, holding up a foam finger that said "Aragorn's #1!" Another girl held up a homemade sign that read "The Rugged Look-We Love It On Aragorn!"
"Le-" Gandalf didn't get very far before everyone in the audience, especially the female human teenagers, screamed at the top of their lungs. Legolas winked at the camera, and quite a few girls swooned. The audience seemed to disappear behind huge cardboard signs worshipping Legolas. They included those reading "Go You Elf Hottie!!!!!!!", "I Love You Legolas!", "Go Legolas!", and the traditional "Marry Me Legolas!"
"Anyways," said the other host, Joe, trying to get some attention. "Today, we have three ordeals for these seven players."
"I can take it," said Merry, trying to look tough.
Gandalf rumbled, "Let us begin!"