"Frodo!" shouted Gandalf.
"It's okay, Mr. Frodo," said Sam, trying to reassure him. "You'll make it."
Behind the screen, Frodo began changing shakily into his swimsuit, trying to avoid the screams of rabid Fangirls.
"What's this? A ring hanging by a chain?" asked the crewman, drawn to the beauty of the ring hanging on a tiny silver chain around Frodo's neck. His mouth hung open and his eyes were sharply focused on the ring. "Could this be...?"
"It's not!" snapped Frodo. "I threw it away, ignorant human!"
"Than what's this?" the man asked suspiciously.
"A reproduction! They're selling them all over on those annoying infomercials," shouted Sam from the stage. "Mr. Frodo told me he really, really wanted one, so I gave it to him for his birthday!" Frodo's nod and smile at Sam were somehow redirected towards the screaming Fangirls.
"He smiled at me!" all of them screamed at each other.
"My precioussssssss..." said the tech crewman, distracting Frodo, who was posing for the Fangirls. Suddenly the weak human leapt towards Frodo and snatched the Ring. Frodo gasped as the chain cut into his neck. He clawed desperately at the man, and then at his side for his trusty sword Sting that wasn't there.
"I'm coming, Mr. Frodo!" shouted Sam as he soared over to the scene of the fight (with some help from Gandalf). He jumped on the man's back and pounding him. Frodo, recovered from being choked, jumped up and started to help Sam hammer the crewman. The other two Hobbits exchanged looks and decided they should entangle themselves as well.
Running shrieking towards the fight with their fists raised, Merry and Pippin shouted, "For the Shire!" In a few minutes, the beaten and bruised crewman emerged from a heap of Hobbits. Five other almost identical tech crewman came to drag him offstage, throwing dirty looks at the Hobbits.
After the audience calmed down, the Hobbits returned to their seats on the stage. Frodo stepped back behind the screen. "Wait a minute!" he said, puzzled. "Where's my swimsuit?"
"Is this it?" asked a brave Fangirl who had gotten past the security guards, holding up a shredded, severely wrinkled piece of fabric.
"I can't wear that!" Frodo exclaimed.
"Oh yes you can," said the Fangirl with a dangerous glint in her eye. "And no one- NO ONE can stop you!" Frodo was baffled. But he didn't have any time to think about it as the security guards thundered towards the Fangirl, tackling her. She was quickly and quietly taken backstage.
Suddenly, a hand covered most of the camera lens and the director stepped onstage.
"There's more high-tech answers than that! Turn that thing off!" he hollered at the cameraman over his shoulder. Walking towards Frodo, he said, "I'm sorry, young man, that's the only swimsuit we had in your size. But I'm sure we'll find a replacement." He turned slowly, looking all the contestants over. His gaze stopped at Gimli.
"Sir," the director said to Gimli, "Would you mind if we used your swimsuit?"
"Excuse me!" said Frodo, jumping up and down to reach the director's sight line. "I will NOT wear Gimli's pink Speedo!"
"This Dwarf doesn't have a bladder control problem!" raged Gimli.
"I never said that," said Frodo, puzzled yet again.