"I suppose," sighed Gandalf to Frodo, "that because you have no
swimsuit, you are exempt from the stunt."
"Yes," breathed Frodo, his eyes rolling back (again), creating a new signature look. He walked back to his seat on stage.
"Legolas!" Gandalf proclamation interrupted them. The Fangirls all shrieked as Legolas stepped behind the changing screen. The crewman handed Legolas the first relatively decent swimsuit in the show, which didn't say much. It was black, with orange and yellow flames. Pulling down his pants behind the screen, the shrieking got louder and more frantic.
"Kids these days," grumbled Legolas to no one in particular. "Screaming their mortal heads off." He thought for a moment. "I wish."
"If you want your pictures, get them now!" shouted Legolas's father from the audience as Legolas strode from the screen. But the audience didn't need a cue from Legolas's father to start.
"King Shmegolas! I am honored to be in your presence," said Aragorn solemnly with a bow.
"Fool human," muttered King Thr- Thra- Thrandil- Thrandull- Trandili- Legolas's father. "You should review your choice in acquaintances," he scoleded Legolas.
"Yes, Father," said Legolas meekly.
"Are you ready, Legolas?" boomed Gandalf.
"Yes." He self-assuredly stepped onto the platform and didn't stray a bit from his healthy Elven posture. With the Fangirls cheering Legolas on, the platform began to sway. At this point in time, Merry would have been 20 feet shorter and ten times wetter than Legolas. Gimli would have finally stopped cursing about his swimsuit. Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and Sam would have been in a tussle with the corruptible crewman. But Legolas, with a smile pasted on his face (his publicity made him do the most ridiculous things), was as sturdy as if he were leaning against the walls of an Elven palace.
"One minute," announced Gandalf. The Fangirls cheered (again). Legolas sighed and rolled his eyes. It was mind-numbing, just standing there on a platform. Legolas allowed his thoughts to carry him away. The Elven Fangirls, a completely different sort than those adolescent humans whose sole purpose in life seemed to be wearing out their vocal cords, were waiting for him as soon as he could escape from the mindless human host...
Legolas conveniently ignored the cheers and Gandalf's shouts on how long he was and his eyes glazed over as he thought of all that awaited him after he could leave this horrible place...
"LEGOLAS!" roared Gandalf suddenly.
"Wha- Huh?" asked Legolas, confused as to why he was at eye level with a pack of humans and not in his beloved home.
"Three hours, fourty-two minutes, and 13 seconds!" Gandalf shouted. Legolas turned to gloat at his competitors, particularly Gimli, but at first glance they were not there. Scanning his keen Elvish eyes across the room, he saw the rest of the Fellowship sitting on the floor behind their onstage chairs, playing poker with the cards one of the Fangirls had thrown onto the stage.
"Hey!" he yelled. "That's my favorite game! Why didn't you wait for me?"
"We'd be happy if you'd hurry up with the-" bellowed Gimli from below, and followed that up with a string of Dwarven curses - "stunt!"
"Oh, fine," pouted Legolas, and he gracefully swan-dived into the pool. The water seemed to envelope him as there was only enough splash to get Gandalf wet.
"Orc's heads," muttered Gandalf, "this was my best robe!" Legolas ignored Gandalf's complaints and went over to drippingly inspect the cards.
"Do you like these..." Merry said, his voice trailed off.
"Personalized?" offered Pippin.
"Yes, personalized! Don't you like this personalized deck of cards?"
Legolas leaned in a little further and saw the Ace was Gandalf, the King was Aragorn, and the Queen was- himself?!
"Why am I your-" Legolas fumed, exposing the audience to a perfectly accented series of Elvish swear words "-Queen?!"
"Well," said Aragorn regretfully, "you're the only one of the Fellowship with long blond hair, distinguished features, baby blue eyes..."
"That doesn't make me a Queen!" Legolas interrupted.
"Oh, yes it does," chuckled Gimli.
"What about Arwen?" demanded Legolas. "The last time I checked, she was the one who gave up her immortality for you, not me!"
"Good point," said Aragorn thoughtfully. "But why don't you complain to the Fangirl, not me?" Legolas stood at the edge of the stage, trying with all his might to find the giggling Fangirl.
Meanwhile, Aragorn was just figuring out what one of his Fangirls from the audience had said. "Hey!" he shouted angrily. "I love Arwen and Arwen alone!" Suddenly, he collapsed. Arwen appeared in thin air.
"I must be dreaming," he said deliriously.
"Then it is a good dream," she replied, smiling slightly, and leaned forward-
"Turn the camcorder on!" shouted Pippin excitedly to Sam, who was wrestling with a mangled camcorder.
"The bloody thing doesn't work!" he exclaimed. Arwen and Aragorn looked up. They frowned.
"Interrupt me, will you?" roared Aragorn, brandishing his sword towards Pippin.
"Ahhh, there's no need for that little bundle of hostility," stammered Pippin, backing away. Sam nodded furiously in agreement.
"Well then, back to what you were saying..." Aragorn smiled at Arwen, dropping his sword. But she had disappeared. He blinked once, and scrambled to his feet. He walked over to his seat on stage, completely unaware of what he had treated the audience to.
"Why is everybody staring at me?!" he asked Pippin confusedly. Pippin shrugged silently, and turned away.
"He'll soon find out," Sam whispered to Pippin, still holding the camcorder. "Got the whole thing on tape!"
Legolas, having no luck whatsoever in finding the Fangirl, turned in the general direction of the audience and yelled, "Why me? WHY ME?!"
"Because you're blond!" yelled someone from the audience. Legolas peered with his highly sensitive eyes towards the source of such an excuse, but could find none.
"What about Galadriel? She's blond!"
"Well... Aragorn doesn't love Galadriel!"
"Yes," breathed Frodo, his eyes rolling back (again), creating a new signature look. He walked back to his seat on stage.
"Legolas!" Gandalf proclamation interrupted them. The Fangirls all shrieked as Legolas stepped behind the changing screen. The crewman handed Legolas the first relatively decent swimsuit in the show, which didn't say much. It was black, with orange and yellow flames. Pulling down his pants behind the screen, the shrieking got louder and more frantic.
"Kids these days," grumbled Legolas to no one in particular. "Screaming their mortal heads off." He thought for a moment. "I wish."
"If you want your pictures, get them now!" shouted Legolas's father from the audience as Legolas strode from the screen. But the audience didn't need a cue from Legolas's father to start.
"King Shmegolas! I am honored to be in your presence," said Aragorn solemnly with a bow.
"Fool human," muttered King Thr- Thra- Thrandil- Thrandull- Trandili- Legolas's father. "You should review your choice in acquaintances," he scoleded Legolas.
"Yes, Father," said Legolas meekly.
"Are you ready, Legolas?" boomed Gandalf.
"Yes." He self-assuredly stepped onto the platform and didn't stray a bit from his healthy Elven posture. With the Fangirls cheering Legolas on, the platform began to sway. At this point in time, Merry would have been 20 feet shorter and ten times wetter than Legolas. Gimli would have finally stopped cursing about his swimsuit. Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and Sam would have been in a tussle with the corruptible crewman. But Legolas, with a smile pasted on his face (his publicity made him do the most ridiculous things), was as sturdy as if he were leaning against the walls of an Elven palace.
"One minute," announced Gandalf. The Fangirls cheered (again). Legolas sighed and rolled his eyes. It was mind-numbing, just standing there on a platform. Legolas allowed his thoughts to carry him away. The Elven Fangirls, a completely different sort than those adolescent humans whose sole purpose in life seemed to be wearing out their vocal cords, were waiting for him as soon as he could escape from the mindless human host...
Legolas conveniently ignored the cheers and Gandalf's shouts on how long he was and his eyes glazed over as he thought of all that awaited him after he could leave this horrible place...
"LEGOLAS!" roared Gandalf suddenly.
"Wha- Huh?" asked Legolas, confused as to why he was at eye level with a pack of humans and not in his beloved home.
"Three hours, fourty-two minutes, and 13 seconds!" Gandalf shouted. Legolas turned to gloat at his competitors, particularly Gimli, but at first glance they were not there. Scanning his keen Elvish eyes across the room, he saw the rest of the Fellowship sitting on the floor behind their onstage chairs, playing poker with the cards one of the Fangirls had thrown onto the stage.
"Hey!" he yelled. "That's my favorite game! Why didn't you wait for me?"
"We'd be happy if you'd hurry up with the-" bellowed Gimli from below, and followed that up with a string of Dwarven curses - "stunt!"
"Oh, fine," pouted Legolas, and he gracefully swan-dived into the pool. The water seemed to envelope him as there was only enough splash to get Gandalf wet.
"Orc's heads," muttered Gandalf, "this was my best robe!" Legolas ignored Gandalf's complaints and went over to drippingly inspect the cards.
"Do you like these..." Merry said, his voice trailed off.
"Personalized?" offered Pippin.
"Yes, personalized! Don't you like this personalized deck of cards?"
Legolas leaned in a little further and saw the Ace was Gandalf, the King was Aragorn, and the Queen was- himself?!
"Why am I your-" Legolas fumed, exposing the audience to a perfectly accented series of Elvish swear words "-Queen?!"
"Well," said Aragorn regretfully, "you're the only one of the Fellowship with long blond hair, distinguished features, baby blue eyes..."
"That doesn't make me a Queen!" Legolas interrupted.
"Oh, yes it does," chuckled Gimli.
"What about Arwen?" demanded Legolas. "The last time I checked, she was the one who gave up her immortality for you, not me!"
"Good point," said Aragorn thoughtfully. "But why don't you complain to the Fangirl, not me?" Legolas stood at the edge of the stage, trying with all his might to find the giggling Fangirl.
Meanwhile, Aragorn was just figuring out what one of his Fangirls from the audience had said. "Hey!" he shouted angrily. "I love Arwen and Arwen alone!" Suddenly, he collapsed. Arwen appeared in thin air.
"I must be dreaming," he said deliriously.
"Then it is a good dream," she replied, smiling slightly, and leaned forward-
"Turn the camcorder on!" shouted Pippin excitedly to Sam, who was wrestling with a mangled camcorder.
"The bloody thing doesn't work!" he exclaimed. Arwen and Aragorn looked up. They frowned.
"Interrupt me, will you?" roared Aragorn, brandishing his sword towards Pippin.
"Ahhh, there's no need for that little bundle of hostility," stammered Pippin, backing away. Sam nodded furiously in agreement.
"Well then, back to what you were saying..." Aragorn smiled at Arwen, dropping his sword. But she had disappeared. He blinked once, and scrambled to his feet. He walked over to his seat on stage, completely unaware of what he had treated the audience to.
"Why is everybody staring at me?!" he asked Pippin confusedly. Pippin shrugged silently, and turned away.
"He'll soon find out," Sam whispered to Pippin, still holding the camcorder. "Got the whole thing on tape!"
Legolas, having no luck whatsoever in finding the Fangirl, turned in the general direction of the audience and yelled, "Why me? WHY ME?!"
"Because you're blond!" yelled someone from the audience. Legolas peered with his highly sensitive eyes towards the source of such an excuse, but could find none.
"What about Galadriel? She's blond!"
"Well... Aragorn doesn't love Galadriel!"