PART VII
Je suis folle. / I am crazy.


They stayed in LA another week before escaping ahead of a Council hit squad. Buffy had repeatedly tried to contact Giles during the week but he was unreachable. Angel discovered that he had been recalled to England to meet with the Council. It was not a good sign. Angel had secretly worried that the situation was about to escalate dangerously. The arrival of the assassination team confirmed his fears.

They had returned to staying in cheap demon-run motels. Angel was hoping that, if they just stayed under the radar, they would be missed. To Buffy's chagrin, this translated to essentially being grounded. She and Angel were spending nearly twenty-four hours a day together. The sexual tension between them was almost unbearable. Angel was sleeping on the floor again. Buffy made sure she didn't wear anything revealing. They didn't flirt. They had stopped kissing, hugging, even touching. The constant danger of discovery added an extra level of tension. By the end of the week, they were hardly speaking to each other. It was a mutually self-imposed moratorium. They never discussed the specifics. They just knew they were dancing close to the line.

In the end, it was inevitable. Angel made a phone call to Sunnydale. Buffy caught snatches of conversation as she dried off from her shower. When she emerged from the bathroom, he was already throwing clothes into suitcases.

"We're leaving now," he ordered. Buffy didn't argue with him. She scooped all the items on the dresser into a plastic grocery bag and returned to the bathroom to gather everything there. There were still four hours of daylight left. It was two hours from Sunnydale to here. The Council's assassins had left ninety minutes earlier.

Buffy packed the car and brought it as close to the motel's main entrance as she could. Angel still had to cross almost thirty feet in the open. He dove into the car's back seat and pulled the smouldering blanket over his body. Under its cover, he grimaced as Buffy tried to manoeuver the car into an underground parking garage. It was hard to say who was more relieved when she shut off the engine.

She leaned her head against the steering wheel. "This is only gonna work if you teach me how to drive."

"It's not the teaching part that concerns me," Angel muttered as he got out of the car and opened the driver's side front door. Buffy gratefully slid over to the passenger side. Angel looked at her. "Buffy? I can't get in unless you push the seat back." She slid back over and fumbled for the lever. The seat moved and Angel got in. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Buffy looked shaken. "Driving's a little different when you're actually the one doing the driving." She rolled her shoulders. "But I think I could get used to it." She missed Angel's silent appeal to the heavens. "Now we just wait, right?" She turned on the radio and listened to the static. Buffy turned it off. "So… how about a game of 'I spy'?"

*****

They made it through twelve rounds of 'I Spy' before Angel spotted the private security patrol car. He pulled Buffy down on the seat and covered her with his body. They tensed as a strong spotlight shone through the windshield. When Angel judged that the security guards were far enough away, he sat up. "It's safe."

Buffy sat up and covered her face with her hands. "Is this it, Angel?" She pushed her hands into her hair and grabbed fistfuls of it. "Is this what the rest of our lives will be? Running and hiding from the Watcher's Council? What did I do that was so terrible?" She turned tear-filled eyes to him. "Was I supposed to kill you and just go on with my life? Because I couldn't do it then, and I can't do it now."

Angel reached for her hand and gently stroked her thumb. "You're not the one they're looking for." He paused and considered how to say his next thought. "I know you don't want this. It would probably be better for you if I left."

Buffy snatched her hand out of his. "No."

"Buffy, think about this. I'm the one—"

"NO!" In the confined car, Buffy's shout filled the silence. "No," she repeated quietly. "We're in this together. You're not the only one they're hunting." She cut off his protest. "I heard you last night."

Angel was crestfallen. "I'm sorry. I didn't… I thought you were asleep." He had not wanted her to overhear that conversation. There were still some truths he wanted to hide.

Buffy picked at her thumbnail. "It's true, isn't it? The Council wants us both gone. God, I can't believe Giles agrees with them."

"I don't think he had any choice, Buffy. He's a Watcher. He knows the score."

"There's always a choice. You and Giles taught me that."

*****

They left the parking garage just after sundown. LA was no longer safe. Buffy suggested San Francisco. Angel's face soured.

"Okay. How about Sacramento?" she offered.

"Sacramento? Who goes to Sacramento?"

"My point exactly."

*****

Angel drove. He didn't trust Buffy on the highway although she begged, pleaded and cajoled. "Buffy, you're just not used to driving." And that's an understatement. "Besides, highway driving is not the same as city driving."

"Yes, I know. But, Angel, the freeway is just straight. You stay in one lane. There'll hardly be any traffic. Please." She slurped her tongue in his ear. "Pretty please?" she whispered before she sucked his earlobe between her teeth.

"No. And don't do that."

"Why not?" Buffy walked her fingers up Angel's arm, over his chest, and down his abdomen. "You could supervise, you know, kinda like a driving instructor." She was about to go further when he forcibly removed her hand.

"I don't think so."

She pouted and rubbed her face against his arm. "Why not? We both agreed that I needed more experience. With the driving I mean." Angel glanced at her face. She's not even blushing!

The car abruptly swerved onto the shoulder and halted. "Buffy, this is not the time to play games."

"I'm not playing—"

Angel grabbed her hand and placed it on his crotch. He closed her fingers around the large hard bulge beneath his pants.

Slowly, Buffy lifted her eyes to Angel's face. "Oh."

"Can I drive now?" he hissed and released her hand. She quickly drew it back. It was unfair, and Angel knew it. The past week had been hellacious if Hell is being able to see Buffy and not ever touch her. Angel had welcomed any excuse to leave the cramped room. He had been ready to throw Buffy on the bed, tear her clothes off, and just "have at it" to use Giles' term. His offers to leave were as much about saving her life as saving his soul. Except for the night the air conditioning hadn't worked, they hadn't done much beyond some intense kissing. Hands had never strayed beyond respectable areas. Even when they shared the bed, neither had ventured into those off-limit sites.

This last week though… he could sense her everywhere. His fingers had itched to touch her skin, his lips burned to kiss her mouth. Every time he turned around, she was there in his face because there was nowhere else to be. He could feel her eyes on his body. Why not? He looked at her just as greedily. And everywhere, every time she moved, he could smell the musk of her arousal. Like flies and honey.

Angel pulled back onto the highway. The next two hours passed in tense silence.

*****

"There's a rest stop coming up. Do you want anything? Stretch your legs? Bathroom break? Something to eat or drink?"

Buffy stirred and opened her eyes. Angel's jacket covered her like a blanket. She absently traced the collar and bent her head to breathe his scent from it. "Where are we?"

"Just outside of Fresno."

Buffy stared aimlessly at the dashboard. Angel's voice was soft now, not harsh and unforgiving as before. She wondered if he was still angry about earlier. She had just been flirting. She really hadn't thought about the effect on him. Sure, you didn't. You had no clue that he's been wanting to jump your bones. Right. She was fooling herself. If Angel had wanted to push the issue, she wouldn't have stopped him. And Angelus could be driving me to Sacramento. What if Angel was right? What if the best thing was for them to stay away from each other? Buffy couldn't think about that now. "Sure. A break would be good." A break would solve half our problems.

*****

They found a place to stay on the outskirts of Sacramento. Buffy had no money left. She chewed her lower lip as Angel removed his wallet and handed some cash to the desk clerk. If she wanted to leave, she would literally be leaving with nothing but the clothes on her back. Angel noticed the worry on her face but said nothing. When the clerk politely asked if they wanted a single or double room, Angel let Buffy answer.

Buffy opened the door to the room and held it as Angel carried the suitcases in. She closed the door and leaned her forehead against it. She listened to him place the luggage on the floor. She heard more noises as he opened one case and took some clothes out.

"I'm gonna fill the car up and see if I can find a butcher or something." Angel kissed the top of her head. "I put your night clothes on the bed. Why don't you take a shower and get some sleep." Buffy was silent. "Hey, I love you. I won't be long. I promise."

"'Kay." She locked the door after he left. When she turned back to the bed, she saw that he had taken out one of his shirts, some underwear, her hairbrush, and topped it with Mr. Gordo. I love you too, Angel. Come back to me.

*****

Buffy tried to sleep, but Angel wasn't back yet. The room felt empty without him. After seven days of his constant presence, she missed the tingling feeling that screamed "vampire." She heard the lock click and the door handle turn. She grabbed the cross bow and leveled it at the doorway. She quickly put it down when she saw Angel silhouetted in the hallway's overhead light.

"What took you so long?" And didn't that sound like a nagging peevish wife.

"Sacramento's not like LA or San Francisco. I had to wait awhile. How come you're not sleeping?" Angel emptied the contents of one of the bags into a cooler and covered it with ice.

Because you're not in the bed beside me. Where you belong. "I was waiting for you." Buffy spoke softly. She sat up. "When are you coming to bed?" And again with the nagging.

"Soon. Go to sleep." Buffy watched him walk into the bathroom. She heard the soft whish of water as the shower was started. After a few minutes she crept to the bathroom door and stuck her fingers under it. She felt cool air. Yeah, plenty of sleep happening in here tonight.

*****

Buffy called Willow from Sacramento. "Will? It's me." She held the receiver away from her ear as Willow's shriek cascaded through the phone line.

"I take it you're happy to hear from me." She laughed with her best friend.

"I'm fine. Talked to Giles lately?" Nervous fingers drummed on the table.

"Angel. I'm with Angel, not Angelus." My nails look crappy. Where's the polish?

"Yeah, you really did. Actually, that's why I'm calling." Red. Raspberry. Cherry. Where's the Naturally Neutral Pink?

"No, he hasn't lost it again. Please. I have some restraint." But not a whole lot. Six cotton swabs. That should be enough.

"Hey, Will? Is it the same curse?" Please say no.

"Maybe Miss Calendar changed it." Buffy prepped her fingernails.

"Could you check? Soon?" No pressure. We're just slightly fixated here.

"The Council what?" She froze with the nail polish brush suspended in midair. "How can they fire him? I mean I know I'm not there, but I'm not dead." A drop of polish fell onto the table. Buffy watched it solidify as she listened to Willow's detailed explanation.

"No, Will. I can't." I can't go home. I can't tell you where I am. I can't tell you what happened that day.

"I'll call soon. I promise. I miss you, too." She carefully applied polish to one finger.

"Willow? How's … have you seen my mom? Is she okay?" Buffy finished the other four fingers.

"I did try to call. I either get the answering machine or…" she hangs up on me or she just cries on the phone or she yells at me. I can't call anymore. She heard the sounds of a lock clicking. "I gotta go. I'll call in a couple of days. Bye."