PART IX
Je m'abandonne. / I lose myself.


Reality was somewhere in between, and that was where they met again. Seventeen days after the fight in the park, a phone card and an envelope of money appeared in Buffy's room. She couldn't prove it, but she knew they were from Angel. Somehow he had entered her room while she was asleep and left them. She was annoyed at his presumptions, but she needed the money. She had been unable to get a decent job with reasonable wages. Buffy found a scrap of paper and scribbled "Thank you" on it. She added a heart and "XOXOXOXO". She left the note on the room's tiny table.

That night a single red rose was left on the note. Buffy discovered it when she woke to go to the bathroom. She filled a juice bottle with water and stuck the rose in it. She added the word "again" to the note and placed it under the bottle.

The next night, two more red roses appeared. Buffy wrote, "I miss you."

The note lay untouched for four days. The roses began to fade. On the fifth day, Buffy moved the wanna-be vase so she could sharpen some stakes. That's when she noticed "Me too" neatly written below her message.

*****

Buffy switched motels. The new one was cleaner and quieter than the three previous places. She unpacked the suitcase and wondered how long she was staying. This room had a balcony like the one in LA. She left the sliding glass door unlocked and waited. Angel entered just after midnight. He carried another single-stemmed rose. He brushed it lovingly over her sleeping body before placing it on the table.

"You know breaking and entering's illegal." Angel froze in shock. "Lucky for me. My boyfriend gets real mean when strange men come into my room. He's kind of possessive in a crazy homicidal way."

Angel exhaled. "I think I just aged another hundred years."

"You look the same to me." Buffy turned on the bedside light. "You plan on staying awhile?" Her voice was tough bravado. The act was marred by a trembling lip and fearful eyes. She wore one of his shirts, a burgundy silk that showed off her tanned skin. Her claddagh ring caught the light.

"Thought you didn't want me around," responded Angel as he removed his duster.

Buffy pulled the sheets back and stood by the bed. The light silhouetted her body. Angel's tongue wet his lips as he realized all she was wearing was his shirt and his ring.

"Thought you wanted to leave," Buffy tossed back as she stroked the edge of the nightstand with a finger. Angel was wearing what she had come to think of as his "standard" wardrobe: black pants and black silk shirt unbuttoned at the top to hint at the muscle beneath. She waited for Angel to approach her. As far as Buffy was concerned, she'd more than hung out the "Welcome" sign. If Angel were staying, it would be because he wanted to and not because she asked him.

The dark-haired vampire closed the sliding door. The lock snapped into place. He let his eyes travel hungrily over her body as his face reflected his longing. Seeing Buffy from a distance and being right here in the room … there was no substitute. He crossed to her in two strides.

"Do you have any idea how much I want to kiss you?" Angel whispered as he nuzzled her neck, her hair, her throat, and never touched her. "Do you know how much I want to hold you in my arms?" He blew a soft puff of air against her ear. "I want you more than I want this life." His rich velvet tone bathed her body. Angel stepped back and his voice returned to its normal timbre. "The question is, do you want me in your life?"

Buffy didn't answer. She simply undid the buttons of his burgundy shirt and let it fall to the floor.

*****

Angel continued to nurse at her breast long after he fell asleep. His mouth reflexively sucked every few minutes. Between his lips, the arm entwined around her waist, and the fingers still idly sliding in and out of her core, Angel had effectively bound Buffy. On the other hand, she was too wired to sleep. Their lovemaking had sated her body, but her mind hummed with the consequences.

Gently and slowly, Buffy unwrapped herself from Angel. She donned his black shirt and silently opened the glass door. The streetlights of Sacramento stretched before her. This night had been so different from her birthday. Except for the running for my life part. And the making love to Angel part. Buffy smiled and sighed. If this was the rest of her life, she could survive. The man she loved was asleep in her bed. They had spent the whole night reacquainting themselves with each other. Buffy was delighted to discover that Angel was ticklish, that if she kissed his navel he growled, that she liked how he tasted … all of him.

What happens now? Angel had asked her to trust him. Buffy hadn't hesitated. She had locked her gaze with his through her climax and his. After, she had whispered, "Always."

The glass door opened and closed behind her. Angel's hands momentarily rested on her shoulders before sweeping down the front of her body. Buffy giggled at his brazenness.

"It'll be dawn soon," she said. She could hear birds twittering and singing.

"I can smell it." Angel lifted her hair and planted soft kisses along the nape of her neck. "My pillow disappeared."

Buffy shivered as he found the sensitive area behind her ear. "Your pillow is wondering what happened."

Angel grinned proudly before tasting the shell of her ear. "We made love. Again. And again. And again. And," he nibbled her earlobe, "I think I'm addicted." His erection pressed into the crease of her buttocks. "I can't seem to get enough of you." His hands slipped under the shirt and caressed her breasts until her nipples begged for his touch. When he swept a thumb over each bud, she shuddered against his body. Angel pushed the shirt up so her lower body was exposed to the cool night air and bent her forward. He supported her with one arm.

"Angel?" Buffy breathed huskily. "We're not really going to do this out here, are we?" Not that she would complain. After last night, Angel could do her in the middle of an apocalypse and she wouldn't complain.

He guided his erection into her willing body. "We've got time."

"Okay. But I'm not responsible if you get sunburnt." Buffy moaned in pleasure as Angel glided in and out in increasing urgency.

Her orgasmic cry was stifled by Angel's palm. "You're gonna get us kicked out," he whispered in her ear before he exploded inside her.

The sky was turning yellow when Angel lowered Buffy to the ground. "Did you like?" he asked shyly.

She turned to face him. In the hazy predawn light, he looked like a magnificent Greek god from a painting she'd once seen. His skin was cool marble. His dark hair lent an air of sensuality. She had to smile when she saw that, even after all their lovemaking, he was ready to go again. "You're worse than the frigging Energizer bunny."

"I'm better. No batteries required." He tugged on her hand. "I can prove it too."

*****

They got dressed late in the afternoon. They had spent the day much as they had spent the night: in endless passion. Buffy's stomach pre-empted any further amorous activities.

"What do you want for dinner?" asked Angel as he surveyed the slim offerings of her refrigerator. "All I see in here is yoghurt and bagels. And fruit. And iced tea." He opened the mini-freezer compartment. "And ice cream. At least you're consistent."

Buffy leaned over his arm and grabbed the ice cream container. "What are you complaining about now?"

"I'm taking you out for dinner."

"With or without your sunscreen?"

"Funny. What are you in the mood for?"

"I can have anything I want?" Buffy dug a spoonful of ice cream out of the container and counted the chocolate chunks. "Anything at all?"

"Uh-huh." Angel was checking the expiration dates on the yoghurt. He paused and noticed that Buffy was looking at him with a predatory grin. "Except me. You've already had me. A number of times."

Buffy lazily licked the ice cream off her spoon as she kept her gaze firmly on Angel. She almost missed his whimper. "You sure about that?" She scraped out another spoonful of ice cream. "I recall someone boasting about vampire stamina earlier today."

The ice cream container flew out of her hands as she was unceremoniously tackled. Angel's tongue plundered her mouth as his hands wantonly roamed over her body. Buffy heard a ripping sound and felt her panties fall away from her. The next sound she heard was a zipper.

Angal paused before he entered her. "Still questioning my stamina?"

"You haven't done anything yet," Buffy dared him.

*****

Buffy groaned as she sat up. "I want to thank you for the rug burns on my butt."

Angel was stretched out beside her. "Want me to kiss them better?" His fingers played with her hair. "I love you, but what happened to your hair?"

She grimaced and rolled onto her stomach. Angel began to massage her shoulders and back. "I knew you were gonna hate it. I thought if I changed my look, it would be harder for the Council to find me." She rubbed several hair strands between her fingers. "Red is so not my colour."

"That brunette colour you had last week looked nice." Angel had reached the rug burns. "How long is it gonna look like this?" His cool tongue lapped at the braised skin.

Deep sighs escaped from Buffy. "It's not the salon stuff, so probably a couple of weeks. Can you stand to look at it for that long?" If he said no, she might be able to finagle a visit to a real salon.

"Hmmm. I'm sure I can find another body part to play with." Angel covered her body with his. "Too heavy?" His fingers counted her ribs. "You're not eating enough."

Buffy reached one hand around to smack Angel's bare bottom. "I've been a little preoccupied with running and hiding." She felt Angel's cheek on her back. "This is a gift, isn't it? Last night and today… you can't tell me you haven't been happy."

Angel kissed her shoulder blade. "Happy. Ecstatic. Thrilled. Take your pick." He kissed her other shoulder blade. "I can't explain it, Buffy. I don't know that I want to."

"How did you know?"

"Willow." He slid his arms down hers until his hands overlapped hers and their fingers laced together. In the twilight their claddagh rings lay side by side.