*** Totally Random Love Hina Skits!***
Andrew Joshua Talon
DISCLAIMER: Love Hina is not mine. Curses!
******
Well, here it comes. A sequel. I can't let some young upstart (cough)Shi(cough) get the best of me, now can I? ^_^
******
Keitaro Urashima, wearing the Virtual-kun helmet, walks around a cyberspace version of downtown Tokyo. Deciding he wants to look cool, he's donned a pair of dark sunglasses, a leather jacket, black T-shirt, jeans, and boots.
All in all, he was one happening guy.
"Man, this is SO awesome," Keitaro grinned, experimentally doing a few impressive gymnastics routines, "just like the Matrix! SO cool..."
"Hey Keitaro! We're supposed to be studying, not wasting time in cyberspace!" Groused Naru Narusegawa, appearing in the simulation. Keitaro stopped short, and sighed.
"Ah, c'mon Naru! An hour or two won't make any difference." Naru snarled, stalking towards the former three-year ronin.
"It's that kind of slipshod attitude I'd expect from a slacking pervert like you! Now, GET A LOAD OUT!" Abruptly, a third person joined the simulation, a young male with messy white hair and black eyes, in a grey suit and sunglasses.
"Hello, Miss Narusegawa. I believe your time has run out." The simulation pulled out a gun and shot several rounds at the red cockroach, who shrieked and ran for her life. Naru, unfortunately, didn't watch where she was going, and ran into a truck, falling cold on the ground.
"Hey, stop that!" Yelled Keitaro, reaching into his jacket and pulling out a gun of his own. Keitaro fired several shots, which the agent dodged effortlessly.
"Is that the best you can do, Mister Urashima?" The agent fired at Keitaro, who bent over backwards and dodged the bullets, the bullet time catching his moves quite nicely.
"It appears I've underestimated you, Mister Urashima," the agent stated, running at Keitaro and firing his gun all the way. Keitaro also charged, firing his handgun. The two met in mid air, exchanging blows at hyperactive speed, flipping and dodging and punching. All this was captured with the magic of bullet time.
POW!
"WAAAAAHHH-DOH!"
Especially the odd thud Keitaro's skull made against a lamp post. The agent strode over to the side of the dazed manager.
"I'm going to enjoy killing you, Mister Urashima," the agent snarled, pulling Keitaro up by the scruff of his neck. He then dragged Keitaro over to a busy street nearby, and prepared to throw him into traffic.
"Hear that, Mister Urashima? That, is the sound of inevitability. That, is the sound of your death. Goodbye, Mister Urashima. Your idiocy has sealed your fate."
"You've Got Mail!" The agent blinked, and looked over his shoulder. Shinobu Maehara stood there, holding a laptop and a gun. And a seriously scary expression on her face.
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! The agent fell dead (more or less) into oncoming traffic, being run over by a Mercedes. Keitaro groaned and looked up at Shinobu, who was watching the agent's "corpse" with uncharacteristic malice.
"You can wear bad suits, you can threaten people, you can even shoot at Narusegawa-sempai. But NO ONE HURTS MY SEMPAI! YOU HEAR ME, B*TCH!" Shinobu shrieked. Keitaro's eyes shot wide open.
"Sh-Shinobu-chan?! What the heck's gotten into you?" Shinobu blushed, and looked at her feet.
"I'm-I'm sorry, Sempai. You've saved me so many times... and..."
"And now you've saved me! Thank you! But, why were you so angry?"
"W-Well, Kanako-sempai taught me to vent my frustration by violently killing the people-based programs who screw up her assassination attempts, um... So... Oh dear..."
"I thought that guy looked familiar..." (1)
********
Hanging upside-down from the ceiling of her room, Suu typed on her laptop happily, eating a banana she was holding in her foot.
"Mmm! Suu love bananas! Bananas and C++! Perfect combination!" Kitsune enters the room, and looks up at Suu in curiosity.
"Suu? What're you doing up there?"
"Oh, just hacking into NORAD. I'm gonna blow up the ISS!"
"But... Why?"
"It sucks! Suu build better station!" Kitsune nodded, biting her lip, before walking out the door muttering, "I think I'll steer clear of this place for a while..." (2)
*********
"Hm..." Mused Andrew Joshua Talon. He was soaking in one of the Hinata's men's hot tubs, in his weretiger form. Contrary to popular belief, the tiger, largest member of the cat family, enjoys swimming and water in general. And, given that Talon was part-tiger in this form... Enough said. Next to him, in another tub (to dissuade any doubts about my sexual orientation ^_^*), Keitaro looked over at the weretiger quizzically.
"Hm... What?" Andrew unsheathed one of his claws and picked his teeth.
"Well... Why don't we just use Mister Sex Chamber to change into girls, so we can use the women's bath? Because, quite frankly, our baths suck." Keitaro looked at the crudely-built tubs himself, and sighed, nodding his head.
"That they do. However, Suu destroyed Mister Sex Chamber, remember? And besides, I don't exactly have a particular WANT to become a girl."
"Oh yeah... Bummer." Keitaro gave Andrew a probing look.
"Aren't you infamous for getting yourself turned into a girl every month or so?"
"Hey! It's not MY fault! Last time it was Suu's fault! I mean, sheesh, give me a fricking-" Keitaro held up a hand to stop Andrew's rant.
"No no, I mean, wouldn't YOU know how to change us into girls? Not that I want to, I'm just curious..." Andrew blinked, twitching his ears thoughtfully.
"I doubt it. All those times were accidents. I mean, sheesh! It's not like Suu and Sarah are going to run in here and change our sex right now!"
It was, at this moment, that Sarah and Suu dashed into the room, fired a weird ray gun at the two guys, and ran off giggling. A pair of bright flashes obscured the shocked males.
In their place (once the light subsided), a slim, silky weretigress sat in one tub, blinking, while a young, lithe girl who looked rather like Haruka sat in the other tub, blinking. They looked at eachother.
"... Well, look on the bright side. Unless Kitsune's gone bi, I think you're safe to collect the rent this month."
"You are so dead, tiger-girl..." (3)
**********
"But, really! Who looks better in sunglasses? Keanu Reeves or Seta?" Kitsune earnestly asked the other girls in the hot springs. Naru shrugged, while Motoko and Kanako looked indifferent. Mutsumi played with Tama-chan while Haruka smoked.
"Seta, definitely. I mean, he's got other things going for him to back it up, of course!" Naru stated. Kitsune waggled an eyebrow.
"Oh, really? What sort of 'things' are we discussing here, hm?" Naru blushed at the implication, but glared her way through it.
"Oh, shut up, you pervert! It's nothing like that! What do you think everything I said to Keitaro about it was all..." Naru trailed off, holding a hand to her mouth. Kitsune grinned, closing for the kill.
"Hm? What 'everything' did you relate to little Keitaro, hm?" Naru was spared further humiliation by the entrance of a weretigress and a young, slightly-familiar looking girl in towels. All of the females looked up and stared.
"Er... Hello, ladies," said the weretigress uncertainly. "Mind if we join you?"
"Who the blazes are you?" Asked Motoko gruffly. The human girl took a deep breath.
"I'm Keitaro, that's Andrew. We got turned into women."
A few seconds later...
"COME BACK HERE, YOU TRANGENDERED PERVERTS!"
"I told you they wouldn't accept us! But did you listen?! Oh, but of course NOT!" Screamed Keitaro as she ran through the hallways, clutching her towel as she tried to outrun Motoko, Naru, Kitsune, and Haruka, with everyone else following out of curiosity, not anger. Andrew leapt from wall to wall like a bouncy ball, staying slightly ahead of Keitaro.
"I did listne! I just attempted a leap of faith! Give me a FRICKING break!"
"I'LL GIVE YOU A BREAK!" Screamed Naru from behind. The former boys sweatdropped as they ran still faster.
"Some bath, eh?"
"SHUT UP, KEITARO!" (4)
********
"Heh heh heh heh heh..." Kentaro Sakata chuckled evilly, surveying the Hinata from a small bush on the grounds. In his hand, he held a small air gun, with a scope on top.
"All I have to do his hit that baka Keitaro with a dart of this love potion, and he'll fall like a Middle Eastern dictator for the first girl he sees! Who will NOT be Naru! And then, my Goddess of Unstable Temperament will be MINE!" Kentaro cackled evilly, as he looked through the scope. He watched the halls of the Hinata he could see eagerly, hoping for a single shot. He saw a door open! Urashima stepped into the light!
"HA! DESTINY, EAT MY TAILORED UNDERGARMENTS!" Kentaro shouted, firing. The dart, however, missed, thanks to Keitaro ducking back into the room at just the wrong moment. The dart thus hit the door post, bouncing into the room. A cry of surprise announced that the dart had made contact. Kentaro watched apprehensively.
A rather girly scream announced Keitaro's exit of the room, running for his life. Behind him, the samurai girl Motoko, looking rather lovestruck, ran after him while yelling something about "How she wanted him to make her a woman".
Kentaro sighed. It was going to be a long day... (5)
*********
NOTES:
1: Yes, in honor of the Matrix: Reloaded, I decided to let Keitaro have a little fun. And yes, Kanako-sama, that WAS Kana (or, at least, an agent program you wrote based upon him) whom Shinobu killed. Sorry. Please don't kill me. The idea of a Love Hina/Matrix XOVER has already been used, but oh well.
2: The US space program sucks. We'd have had MARS bases by now, if it weren't for the (bleeping) short-sighted leaders of our country! Not that I'd like the people on the ISS to die, but we need a freaking better program for space research!
3: (shrug) Meh. Couldn't resist a self-insert. Sorry. I just always thought that something missing from Love Hina was a true, male best friend. Face it: Beavis and Butthead make better friends than Haitani and Shirai, and Seta's just a little too old to truly understand the situations facing Keitaro. So, yeah, in my weretiger form, I fill the gap. Excuse me for trying to help a potential friend (in another universe, I guess).
4: Connection to 3. Poor Keitaro. Poor me. Poor walls ^_^ Inside joke, BTW...
5: Ah, a young stalker hard at work. Now on the Kei/Naru situation:
Personally, I don't HATE Naru. She's actually quite an attractive woman (again, in another Universe according to quantum theory, but oh well), and has a number of good things going for her. However, she also has a great deal of emotional insecurities and self doubt plaguing her.
It is merely my observation that this is the basis of her relationship with Keitaro. Naru was stressed out: A new stepfather, a new younger sister, insecure about being a woman after all that studying and no socializing, scared about entering Tokyo U-and a myriad of other fears. She needed a punching bag. And she found Keitaro.
Some people claim that this relationship between Naru and Keitaro is love/hate, the traditional anime way. My observations don't point that way, I'm afraid. Love/Hate implies a balance. There's too much abuse being handed out by Naru to Keitaro to compare it to any other such relationship in anime. Even the relationship between Akane and Ranma is more balanced than this. Akane doesn't use Ranma as her punching bag, she just ridicules him and hits him when he truly deserves it. Ranma gets back at her with words, flirting with other girls, and pranks. They have arguments, tease eachother, etc. Stuff like that.
Keitaro never deserves the punishment he gets from Naru. He's far from perfect, but he doesn't deserve getting beat down like THAT. Naru needs a vent she can use safely, and whenever Keitaro fails to live up to HER expectations, disappointing her, she lets him have it. Whenever he gets close to another girl, she panicks, because she doesn't want to lose the one person she can take her anger out on.
Keitaro, meanwhile, has trapped himself in his 'promise'. He's denied it in the manga, but it seems likely part of him clings to the idea of Naru being his promised girl, and guides his actions therefore. His 'love' for Naru is part boyhood crush (he's never had a relationship with a girl like this before, after all), part abused-abuser relationship (why won't a girl leave her abusive boyfriend? Precisely this phenomena), and part true friendship and gratitude. And, even if Naru tones down the abuse towards the end of the manga, it's still there, and given the situation, after they're married, it seems likely Naru will step the punishment up even more. Her fear that Keitaro will leave her will grow within their marriage, as the singular nature of marriage seems to promote cheating. At least, in Naru's mind. She'll thus become more abusive, more paranoid, more brutal. Hopefully, Keitaro can break out of this "happy marriage" before it's too late, and confront Naru with her abusive nature. One thing that did NOT get resolved in the manga.
This is all purely my opinion, of course, though not without merit. However, I don't want to engage in a flame war. So, please, don't turn the reviews into a debate board. Just tell me what you thought of the fic.
But enough hot air. Sorry if I bored you with the above notes. Next chapter will be much better, I promise, with far shorter notes. And, if any of you wonderful authors want to be in it, just ask! R&R, please!
Andrew Joshua Talon
DISCLAIMER: Love Hina is not mine. Curses!
******
Well, here it comes. A sequel. I can't let some young upstart (cough)Shi(cough) get the best of me, now can I? ^_^
******
Keitaro Urashima, wearing the Virtual-kun helmet, walks around a cyberspace version of downtown Tokyo. Deciding he wants to look cool, he's donned a pair of dark sunglasses, a leather jacket, black T-shirt, jeans, and boots.
All in all, he was one happening guy.
"Man, this is SO awesome," Keitaro grinned, experimentally doing a few impressive gymnastics routines, "just like the Matrix! SO cool..."
"Hey Keitaro! We're supposed to be studying, not wasting time in cyberspace!" Groused Naru Narusegawa, appearing in the simulation. Keitaro stopped short, and sighed.
"Ah, c'mon Naru! An hour or two won't make any difference." Naru snarled, stalking towards the former three-year ronin.
"It's that kind of slipshod attitude I'd expect from a slacking pervert like you! Now, GET A LOAD OUT!" Abruptly, a third person joined the simulation, a young male with messy white hair and black eyes, in a grey suit and sunglasses.
"Hello, Miss Narusegawa. I believe your time has run out." The simulation pulled out a gun and shot several rounds at the red cockroach, who shrieked and ran for her life. Naru, unfortunately, didn't watch where she was going, and ran into a truck, falling cold on the ground.
"Hey, stop that!" Yelled Keitaro, reaching into his jacket and pulling out a gun of his own. Keitaro fired several shots, which the agent dodged effortlessly.
"Is that the best you can do, Mister Urashima?" The agent fired at Keitaro, who bent over backwards and dodged the bullets, the bullet time catching his moves quite nicely.
"It appears I've underestimated you, Mister Urashima," the agent stated, running at Keitaro and firing his gun all the way. Keitaro also charged, firing his handgun. The two met in mid air, exchanging blows at hyperactive speed, flipping and dodging and punching. All this was captured with the magic of bullet time.
POW!
"WAAAAAHHH-DOH!"
Especially the odd thud Keitaro's skull made against a lamp post. The agent strode over to the side of the dazed manager.
"I'm going to enjoy killing you, Mister Urashima," the agent snarled, pulling Keitaro up by the scruff of his neck. He then dragged Keitaro over to a busy street nearby, and prepared to throw him into traffic.
"Hear that, Mister Urashima? That, is the sound of inevitability. That, is the sound of your death. Goodbye, Mister Urashima. Your idiocy has sealed your fate."
"You've Got Mail!" The agent blinked, and looked over his shoulder. Shinobu Maehara stood there, holding a laptop and a gun. And a seriously scary expression on her face.
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! The agent fell dead (more or less) into oncoming traffic, being run over by a Mercedes. Keitaro groaned and looked up at Shinobu, who was watching the agent's "corpse" with uncharacteristic malice.
"You can wear bad suits, you can threaten people, you can even shoot at Narusegawa-sempai. But NO ONE HURTS MY SEMPAI! YOU HEAR ME, B*TCH!" Shinobu shrieked. Keitaro's eyes shot wide open.
"Sh-Shinobu-chan?! What the heck's gotten into you?" Shinobu blushed, and looked at her feet.
"I'm-I'm sorry, Sempai. You've saved me so many times... and..."
"And now you've saved me! Thank you! But, why were you so angry?"
"W-Well, Kanako-sempai taught me to vent my frustration by violently killing the people-based programs who screw up her assassination attempts, um... So... Oh dear..."
"I thought that guy looked familiar..." (1)
********
Hanging upside-down from the ceiling of her room, Suu typed on her laptop happily, eating a banana she was holding in her foot.
"Mmm! Suu love bananas! Bananas and C++! Perfect combination!" Kitsune enters the room, and looks up at Suu in curiosity.
"Suu? What're you doing up there?"
"Oh, just hacking into NORAD. I'm gonna blow up the ISS!"
"But... Why?"
"It sucks! Suu build better station!" Kitsune nodded, biting her lip, before walking out the door muttering, "I think I'll steer clear of this place for a while..." (2)
*********
"Hm..." Mused Andrew Joshua Talon. He was soaking in one of the Hinata's men's hot tubs, in his weretiger form. Contrary to popular belief, the tiger, largest member of the cat family, enjoys swimming and water in general. And, given that Talon was part-tiger in this form... Enough said. Next to him, in another tub (to dissuade any doubts about my sexual orientation ^_^*), Keitaro looked over at the weretiger quizzically.
"Hm... What?" Andrew unsheathed one of his claws and picked his teeth.
"Well... Why don't we just use Mister Sex Chamber to change into girls, so we can use the women's bath? Because, quite frankly, our baths suck." Keitaro looked at the crudely-built tubs himself, and sighed, nodding his head.
"That they do. However, Suu destroyed Mister Sex Chamber, remember? And besides, I don't exactly have a particular WANT to become a girl."
"Oh yeah... Bummer." Keitaro gave Andrew a probing look.
"Aren't you infamous for getting yourself turned into a girl every month or so?"
"Hey! It's not MY fault! Last time it was Suu's fault! I mean, sheesh, give me a fricking-" Keitaro held up a hand to stop Andrew's rant.
"No no, I mean, wouldn't YOU know how to change us into girls? Not that I want to, I'm just curious..." Andrew blinked, twitching his ears thoughtfully.
"I doubt it. All those times were accidents. I mean, sheesh! It's not like Suu and Sarah are going to run in here and change our sex right now!"
It was, at this moment, that Sarah and Suu dashed into the room, fired a weird ray gun at the two guys, and ran off giggling. A pair of bright flashes obscured the shocked males.
In their place (once the light subsided), a slim, silky weretigress sat in one tub, blinking, while a young, lithe girl who looked rather like Haruka sat in the other tub, blinking. They looked at eachother.
"... Well, look on the bright side. Unless Kitsune's gone bi, I think you're safe to collect the rent this month."
"You are so dead, tiger-girl..." (3)
**********
"But, really! Who looks better in sunglasses? Keanu Reeves or Seta?" Kitsune earnestly asked the other girls in the hot springs. Naru shrugged, while Motoko and Kanako looked indifferent. Mutsumi played with Tama-chan while Haruka smoked.
"Seta, definitely. I mean, he's got other things going for him to back it up, of course!" Naru stated. Kitsune waggled an eyebrow.
"Oh, really? What sort of 'things' are we discussing here, hm?" Naru blushed at the implication, but glared her way through it.
"Oh, shut up, you pervert! It's nothing like that! What do you think everything I said to Keitaro about it was all..." Naru trailed off, holding a hand to her mouth. Kitsune grinned, closing for the kill.
"Hm? What 'everything' did you relate to little Keitaro, hm?" Naru was spared further humiliation by the entrance of a weretigress and a young, slightly-familiar looking girl in towels. All of the females looked up and stared.
"Er... Hello, ladies," said the weretigress uncertainly. "Mind if we join you?"
"Who the blazes are you?" Asked Motoko gruffly. The human girl took a deep breath.
"I'm Keitaro, that's Andrew. We got turned into women."
A few seconds later...
"COME BACK HERE, YOU TRANGENDERED PERVERTS!"
"I told you they wouldn't accept us! But did you listen?! Oh, but of course NOT!" Screamed Keitaro as she ran through the hallways, clutching her towel as she tried to outrun Motoko, Naru, Kitsune, and Haruka, with everyone else following out of curiosity, not anger. Andrew leapt from wall to wall like a bouncy ball, staying slightly ahead of Keitaro.
"I did listne! I just attempted a leap of faith! Give me a FRICKING break!"
"I'LL GIVE YOU A BREAK!" Screamed Naru from behind. The former boys sweatdropped as they ran still faster.
"Some bath, eh?"
"SHUT UP, KEITARO!" (4)
********
"Heh heh heh heh heh..." Kentaro Sakata chuckled evilly, surveying the Hinata from a small bush on the grounds. In his hand, he held a small air gun, with a scope on top.
"All I have to do his hit that baka Keitaro with a dart of this love potion, and he'll fall like a Middle Eastern dictator for the first girl he sees! Who will NOT be Naru! And then, my Goddess of Unstable Temperament will be MINE!" Kentaro cackled evilly, as he looked through the scope. He watched the halls of the Hinata he could see eagerly, hoping for a single shot. He saw a door open! Urashima stepped into the light!
"HA! DESTINY, EAT MY TAILORED UNDERGARMENTS!" Kentaro shouted, firing. The dart, however, missed, thanks to Keitaro ducking back into the room at just the wrong moment. The dart thus hit the door post, bouncing into the room. A cry of surprise announced that the dart had made contact. Kentaro watched apprehensively.
A rather girly scream announced Keitaro's exit of the room, running for his life. Behind him, the samurai girl Motoko, looking rather lovestruck, ran after him while yelling something about "How she wanted him to make her a woman".
Kentaro sighed. It was going to be a long day... (5)
*********
NOTES:
1: Yes, in honor of the Matrix: Reloaded, I decided to let Keitaro have a little fun. And yes, Kanako-sama, that WAS Kana (or, at least, an agent program you wrote based upon him) whom Shinobu killed. Sorry. Please don't kill me. The idea of a Love Hina/Matrix XOVER has already been used, but oh well.
2: The US space program sucks. We'd have had MARS bases by now, if it weren't for the (bleeping) short-sighted leaders of our country! Not that I'd like the people on the ISS to die, but we need a freaking better program for space research!
3: (shrug) Meh. Couldn't resist a self-insert. Sorry. I just always thought that something missing from Love Hina was a true, male best friend. Face it: Beavis and Butthead make better friends than Haitani and Shirai, and Seta's just a little too old to truly understand the situations facing Keitaro. So, yeah, in my weretiger form, I fill the gap. Excuse me for trying to help a potential friend (in another universe, I guess).
4: Connection to 3. Poor Keitaro. Poor me. Poor walls ^_^ Inside joke, BTW...
5: Ah, a young stalker hard at work. Now on the Kei/Naru situation:
Personally, I don't HATE Naru. She's actually quite an attractive woman (again, in another Universe according to quantum theory, but oh well), and has a number of good things going for her. However, she also has a great deal of emotional insecurities and self doubt plaguing her.
It is merely my observation that this is the basis of her relationship with Keitaro. Naru was stressed out: A new stepfather, a new younger sister, insecure about being a woman after all that studying and no socializing, scared about entering Tokyo U-and a myriad of other fears. She needed a punching bag. And she found Keitaro.
Some people claim that this relationship between Naru and Keitaro is love/hate, the traditional anime way. My observations don't point that way, I'm afraid. Love/Hate implies a balance. There's too much abuse being handed out by Naru to Keitaro to compare it to any other such relationship in anime. Even the relationship between Akane and Ranma is more balanced than this. Akane doesn't use Ranma as her punching bag, she just ridicules him and hits him when he truly deserves it. Ranma gets back at her with words, flirting with other girls, and pranks. They have arguments, tease eachother, etc. Stuff like that.
Keitaro never deserves the punishment he gets from Naru. He's far from perfect, but he doesn't deserve getting beat down like THAT. Naru needs a vent she can use safely, and whenever Keitaro fails to live up to HER expectations, disappointing her, she lets him have it. Whenever he gets close to another girl, she panicks, because she doesn't want to lose the one person she can take her anger out on.
Keitaro, meanwhile, has trapped himself in his 'promise'. He's denied it in the manga, but it seems likely part of him clings to the idea of Naru being his promised girl, and guides his actions therefore. His 'love' for Naru is part boyhood crush (he's never had a relationship with a girl like this before, after all), part abused-abuser relationship (why won't a girl leave her abusive boyfriend? Precisely this phenomena), and part true friendship and gratitude. And, even if Naru tones down the abuse towards the end of the manga, it's still there, and given the situation, after they're married, it seems likely Naru will step the punishment up even more. Her fear that Keitaro will leave her will grow within their marriage, as the singular nature of marriage seems to promote cheating. At least, in Naru's mind. She'll thus become more abusive, more paranoid, more brutal. Hopefully, Keitaro can break out of this "happy marriage" before it's too late, and confront Naru with her abusive nature. One thing that did NOT get resolved in the manga.
This is all purely my opinion, of course, though not without merit. However, I don't want to engage in a flame war. So, please, don't turn the reviews into a debate board. Just tell me what you thought of the fic.
But enough hot air. Sorry if I bored you with the above notes. Next chapter will be much better, I promise, with far shorter notes. And, if any of you wonderful authors want to be in it, just ask! R&R, please!