Chapter Five
As Buffy raced through her yard, she knew she was seriously risking being found out. It was already daybreak, even if only just. The fact there was sun in the sky meant that Dawn would soon be up... Then there could be questions to which Buffy could give no answers, awkward silences and possibly lots of blackmail. It was not that Buffy wanted to lie to her sister, it was just that it would just be too complicated to explain it all to her. And why chance upsetting everything when Buffy was feeling so deliriously happy right now?
Quietly as she could, Buffy crept through her back door. A part of her chuckled at how ridiculous this covert activity was; she was the adult, but she was acting like the kid! With Angel back in her life, it really was beginning to seem more like old times. Except this time, Buffy mused poignantly, she was hiding from her sister, not her mom.
As Buffy gently pushed shut the door, Dawn appeared in the kitchen wearing Buffy's favourite shirt. Panicking, Buffy began to smooth her hair, and straighten her clothes as Dawn eyed her normally fashion conscious sister's messed up hair and creased clothes quizzically.
"Rough night?" Dawn teased her sister, flicking back her own immaculately straightened long hair.
A look of confusion crossed Buffy's face, rapidly followed by guilt, as she tried to think up a good alibi. Then, realising Dawn was joking, she burbled, "Um yeah, lots of patrol."
Dawn gave her older sister a knowing smile and squeezed past her to pour herself a glass of orange juice. "Maybe I can come with?" Dawn asked her sister eagerly. Since she had started at Sunnydale High, Dawn had started to become an integral part of the Scoobies, managing to fill some of the huge gaping hole in the group due to the absence of Willow.
All manner of panicked thoughts rushed through Buffy's mind. If Dawn found out, Spike could, so could Xander - then where would she be? Xander would be livid, and she was not sure how Dawn would react; it was the last thing the Scoobs needed now. It was bad enough that Spike knew, but he had promised her that he would not tell anyone - for a price. He really had not changed much. "Now's not so good. Too much demony stuff," Buffy lied somewhat unconvincingly.
"Like?" Dawn persisted, not willing to let this slide by. She knew when her sister was hiding something; it was so obvious. She thought Buffy would have realised that by now.
Abruptly changing the subject and her tactic, Buffy took some cereal out of the cupboard. "So, you hungry?" Buffy asked her sister brightly.
Not bothering to hide the smirk on her face, Dawn sat down and leisurely stretched out her arms and legs in a clear show of her intention to let Buffy do all the work. "Sure. Eggs would be good."
Just then Buffy noticed what Dawn was wearing. "Hey, that's my shirt!" Buffy exclaimed, crossing her arms in annoyance.
Dawn smiled sweetly up at Buffy, then said, "Well, you've been *so* busy lately, I didn't think you'd notice."
Taking a deep breath, Buffy barely repressed her torrent of rage at the sight of her all-too-smug teenage sister adorned in her shirt. She had only just bought it! "No, of course not," Buffy spat out insincerely, seething as she began to cook Dawn's eggs.
Behind her, Buffy missed the mischevious grin plastered all over the younger Summers' face.
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Buffy snuggled deeper into the crook of Angel's arm. It was so good to be this close to him again, to feel his arms snake around her waist, and pull her tight against him. They had sat like this in front of the fire for minutes, just enjoying the other's presence. Over the last few days since their reunion, Buffy had noticed a great change in Angel. He was beginning to relax and act naturally around her again, even initiating some of their contact. Whatever was troubling Angel seemed to be abating, and for this Buffy was grateful. He was becoming more like his old self again - well, the person he had been before he had left at Graduation.
"Mmm, this is nice," Buffy told him dreamily.
Angel gently kissed her forehead and continued to gaze at the fire.
"You know, Dawn nearly found out this morning. She was asking lots of questions, but don't worry - Buffy saved the day," Buffy joked.
Angel did not respond, and Buffy felt his arms stiffen around her. She turned to face him. "What's wrong?" she asked him, her voice filled with concern.
"Nothing," Angel answered her, keeping his eyes averted.
Buffy placed her hand on his shoulder, and spoke softly. "Come on, I know you. I know when something's wrong."
Angel looked plaintively down at his hands. "It's just that I don't understand..." he began.
"What?" Buffy prompted, running her fingers under his chin, forcing him to look up.
"Why you don't want anyone to know" Angel mumbled, his face furrowed and downcast.
Buffy ran her fingers through her hair, upset that she had hurt him. "No, Angel, that's not why. Don't think that." She trailed off, unsure of how to continue. It was so frustrating not knowing the right words to say to him, to make him see how important he was to her. Buffy gazed into Angel's eyes, trying to decipher his emotion. It was impossible. She took a deep breath, then began to explain herself. "You and me, it's complicated. And stuff with my friends is too. Right now, I don't want to get into anything big with them. I want to keep us separate - I want you all to myself..."
Angel closed his eyes, and let out a sigh. He did not know what to believe. He knew that for whatever reason, Buffy thought she loved him, but he still could not rid himself of that niggling doubt that everything was not fine between them. Did Buffy really trust him? Did she really want him? Angel wasn't sure at all.
Just then, he felt Buffy's hand gently stroking his cheek, her lips beginning to plant kisses all over his face. It was then his resolve broke, and he turned and kissed her deeply. Somewhere he lost himself in this girl, and his past, present and future ceased to matter. She was all he wanted and the reassurance he desperately yearned for came in the passion and need that oozed from her as she pressed herself closer.
Breathing hard, Buffy pulled away, aware of how close they were to losing control. With a lightness in her voice, she said, "I mean, you'd never believe what I had to pull to come here. I left Spike at the house covering for me!"
Angel stared at her, his eyes dark with fury. "You left SPIKE at your house?" he repeated in disbelief.
A little non-plussed by Angel's attitude, Buffy replied, "Yeah, it's cool. Dawn's okay with him."
Angel stood up abruptly, pushing Buffy off him. "Buffy, he's evil!" Angel ranted. "He could kill her."
Buffy stood beside Angel, and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Nah, he's totally harmless. Spike's got a chip."
Angel turned to her, his face utterly confused, shrugging her hand from his shoulder. "But he helped Angelus to complete the ritual for Acathla. He got Dru involved. He killed people!" Vamping out, Angel picked up a marble statue and hurled it against the wall. Buffy flinched as it shattered.
Then there was silence. Buffy stared at Angel dumbfounded as he braced himself against the wall. She had no idea what he was talking about. He knew Spike had a chip now and all that stuff with Acathla had happened years ago. Then it hit her. "Do you really not remember?" she asked him softly.
He turned to look at her then, a look of pain flashing across his face, and he murmured, "I'm sorry".
Buffy reached out to him, enveloping him in her arms, and felt his large frame sag against her. Kissing his head, she whispered into his hair, telling him that it was going to be okay. As they sank to the floor, and she rocked him in her arms, a rush of hope filled her. If Angel could not remember anything past his return from hell, they could start again. There would be none of the pain caused by Angel's leaving. She could make sure he never left by keeping their relationship from taking the same path it had last time. It wouldn't be easy and it would take time, but she had to try. Angel was worth it.
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The rustle of pages turning was the only sound that could be heard in the Hyperion Hotel. Fred, Cordy and even Gunn were hunched over a table, poring over ancient texts, while Angel sat in his office, staring angrily into the night sky. His meeting with Wesley had upset him more than he was willing to admit to the others. However by the knowing look on Lorne's face, he realised it would not be long before the green karaoke king would be offering his two cents.
"Lorne, will you quit staring at me," Angel snarled irritably.
Lorne held up his hands in mock protest. "Me? I think big guy here is feeling a little grumpy."
"Just leave it," Angel replied tiredly, running his hands through his thick dark hair. He was not in the mood for another session of analyse-the-vamp with Lorne.
Shaking his head, Lorne headed over to join the others in research. "You can pretend all you want, you big lug, but you'll have to deal with him eventually," he warned.
Not answering, Angel stood up abruptly, following Lorne into the adjoining room. Cordy looked up at him, her eyes looking tired from hours of research. "Hey," she greeted him quietly.
Angel smiled at her wanfully, wishing he could see more than friendly concern in her face. However hard he looked though, it just was not there. He had believed that Cordy had been the answer to his loneliness, not caring what her thoughts had been on the matter. He knew it was selfish to want her to love him, but he needed someone to. It was only at night when he closed his eyes that he felt the comfort of love again. His dreams were caught in the memories of 5 years ago, of the nights after his return from hell when a small blonde girl would tenderly nurse him. It was only upon waking that he realised he was utterly alone, and there was no Buffy to cling to.
Fred peeked up from her book to look across at Angel. She wanted to know what had happened with Wesley, to know that her former friend was okay. She felt Gunn's restraining hand rest upon hers, as if he knew her intention. She smiled at him in simple understanding, then continued to work.
Just then, they heard the bang of the door. Snapping alert from his reverie, Angel jumped to his feet and walked steathily towards the door.
"Hello Angel," a familiar English voice said.
Angel glowered at Wesley, his arms folded. Undeterred Wesley stepped around him, ignoring the looks of disbelief on his former colleagues' faces. "I believe I've got the information you're all looking for."
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For the third night that week, Xander was parked on Rovello Drive. He had been planning to walk over, but after his blazing row with Anya, he had needed the pleasing roar of the car engine as his foot hit the gas. It blocked the pain of his failing relationship and the continual churn of guilt he had whenever he thought of Willow. He had been hiding things from Buffy, not letting her in. He wanted them to be able to talk like they always had. Most of all he wanted Willow back home, where he could make everything up to her. When she had gone evil, he had blamed himself. He reasoned that he had not been there for her enough, that he had been too wrapped up in his misery over Anya. Even though it had been his love for Willow that had stopped her from ending the world, he still couldn't bring himself to see that he was not to blame.
Letting himself into Buffy's house, he made his way into the lounge. The bleached blonde vamp sprawled across the couch merely glanced up at him, then turned his attention back to the soap on TV.
Enraged Xander grabbed hold of Spike, roughly hauling him to his feet. "What are you doing here?" he demanded angrily.
Looking affronted, Spike pushed Xander off him, and straightened out his clothes. "I was just watching a spot of telly, is all," he answered indignantly.
Xander continued to glare at Spike. "Where's Buffy?"
Looking a little flustered, Spike began to lie. "Buffy had to go get some new stakes, so she asked me to wait around until Little Bit got home." He knew it was a lame excuse, and from the fury in Xander's eyes, it was obvious he was not buying it. Spike absolutely hated being at the mercy at this idiot, but Spike was a creature of self-preservation. So he said nothing.
"I've been round here 3 nights this week and she's never here," Xander began, the impatience building in his voice. "Where is she really?"
Just then, Buffy came through the front door, her face at best displeased by Xander's threatening stance. "What's going on here?" she asked, her voice low and commanding.
Then Xander whirled round to face her, unleashing his pent up anger on her. "That's what I'd like to know! You're never here. You're supposed to be looking after your sister, but instead you leave this monster here waiting in for her!" he yelled. "And what about Willow? I've not heard you ask how she was once just lately. What's the matter, Buffy? Not quite as interesting as trawling around for your next boy toy?"
A loud thwack sounded as Buffy's hand connected with Xander's face. He gawped at her in shock. "Don't you dare, you hypocrite," she warned him. "I've done everything I can for Will. But you? You don't even believe in her anymore."
Xander laughed bitterly. "And this coming from the girl who was sleeping with *that* while her best friend went off the rails," he countered, his voice thick with contempt. "You disgust me, you -". Xander broke off, startled by the sound of footsteps through the front door. He gazed in amazement as Angel appeared behind Buffy, and protectively put his arms around her.
Buffy craned her head to look up at him questioningly. "What are you doing here? You need to rest," she berated him.
"That's what I'd like to know," Xander said sarcastically.
Buffy ignored him, and stared pointedly at Angel. "Well?" she prompted.
"I was worried," he replied somewhat sheepishly. "About you being alone with Spike." Angel's eyes glowed golden, a snarl coming from his mouth, and despite himself, Spike shrank back a little. When it came to his little slayer, Peaches was awfully possessive. Spike knew he'd be dust if his sire got to him.
"So you should be, Deadboy," Xander taunted caustically. Gladdened by Xander's little jibe, Spike was about to stoke the fire some more, but a warning look from Buffy shut them both up.
"As you can see, Xander, we're back together," Buffy said sharply. "So if you both don't mind, we'd like some privacy." With that Buffy leaned closer into Angel, brazenly kissing him.
Shaking his head, Xander left, Spike following him with a smirk on his face. As the door shut firmly behind them, Xander turned to Spike with annoyance.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Xander raged.
"Why should I? Spike spat back, thoroughly sick of this man's tantrums.
Completely exhausted, Xander sat down on the step. For a little while, he considered Spike's words. "She's my friend. He'll hurt her," he replied with quiet conviction.
Spike sat down beside Xander, lighting a cigarette. "I hate the poofter more than I can you tell you, believe me, but she loves him," he told Xander. "He makes her happy. Leave it."
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As Lorne, Gunn, Cordelia and Angel glared at him, Wesley stood defiantly at the head of the table. He allowed himself a thankful glance at Fred, who was the only person in the room he looked even slightly receptive to his ideas. "The spell that was used on Angel is known as Hejebejan, derived from the long lost magics of the Suputyans," Wesley explained. "It was designed to turn Angel's humanity against him to weaken him. Right now Angel was meant to be a brooding wet blanket, full of guilt for his sins, unable to fight. Except it didn't work that way."
Angel scrutinised Wesley. "So how did it work?"
"Let's just say it didn't," Wesley replied, his voice clipped.
Rising to his feet, Angel started towards Wesley. "How about we say how you know all this? Been sleeping with the enemy, Wes?" Angel taunted.
Wesley swallowed hard, but kept his steely gaze fixed on Angel. "That'd be my business."
"Oh, I just remembered," Cordy interjected. "Buffy called earlier. She wanted to know what I'd done to you. Girl's freaking out. I knew there was something I had to tell you."
Angel and Wesley looked at each other, realisation suddenly dawning on them. There was another Angel in Sunnydale!
"We've got to get to Sunnydale," Angel said, as Cordelia began to protest. "NOW!"
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Later that night, after Angel et al had left, Wesley let himself into his apartment. He was met with the sight of Lilah, scantily clad, perched upon his bed.
Ignoring her attempts at seduction, Wesley callously threw a coat at her.
"What?" Lilah asked, pouting at him.
"We need to have a little talk. Your spell has gone wrong and created two Angels," he told her coldly, enjoying the sight of her highly worried face. "Look's like someone's in trouble."
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