Chapter 5: Interlude
Ever since I wrote the first flashback in the second chapter, I have been eager to write another one and - here it is! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it for I am playing with the idea to add one or two more. Kindly let me know what you think about this =^_~=
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Flashback 2:
"I don't understand it", Sirius Black repeated for the one hundredths time this morning. "I simply don't understand it. I mean, he's Hogwarts´ slimiest, greasiest and most arrogant bastard, isn't he? So why the hell is he the chosen bosom friend of the two most beautiful girls of the entire school? Can someone please explain me the logic behind this?"
"It may be because the two most beautiful girls also happen to be the strangest ones out there", Remus Lupin answered dryly, following his friend's eyes to the three persons at the end of the hall who were wildly debuting with each other at the moment. "I mean, behind her oh-so-sweet facade, McGregor is the very embodiment of all Slytherin beholds and Lily Evans was never what you called quite the normal either."
"That's not true!" The third one of the group shot in. Turning brightly red at the incredulous glanced of his friends, he added quickly, "I mean, Lily's a Gryffindor, right, so she cannot be that bad. After all, we don't know anything about her." Noticing the knowing glances, Remus and Sirius exchanged, the crimson colour on his cheeks deepened. "Hey, what's there to look?" he asked defiantly.
"James, James, James." Remus shook his head in mock exhaustion. "We are your best friends, right? Did you actually think that we would not notice this little crush you have developed on our pretty red-head?"
James´ hazel eyes widened in shock. "That's ridiculous, Moonie", he stuttered.
"It indeed is", Sirius agreed darkly. "Honestly, James, what do you think? Okay, she's cute, I don't deny her that. By Merlin, she's one of the hottest chicks I've ever laid my eyes upon, but that does not change the fact that we are speaking about Lily Evans. Lily Evans! The Ice Princess, remember?"
"Could you possible be any louder? I am not sure if really anyone in the Hall can hear you", James whispered through tightly clenched teeth.
Of course Sirius did not listen to that. "And to top it all, there is her highly dubious relationship with Snape. I really don't want to sound like that old gossiper Bertha What-is-her-name-again but even the Slytherins whisper that the two of them have recently moved beyond the casual-friends stage!" He snorted contemptuously. "It's probably only a matter of time before someone sees them making out up there on the Astronomy Tower during a blizzard or a freak lightning storm!"
"Padfood", Remus interrupted him softly, seeing the furious expression on James´s face. Then he turned towards his friend, trying very hard to sound reasonable. "But Sirius is not this wrong, though. Lily has always been...different. And if you want proof of my words, you must only look to the other end of the hall."
With this he pointed to the place where Lily was still standing together with Snape and McGregor. By the morning light, the Muggle-born´s hair glimmered a rich dark red while she listened to something Morrigan was explaining at the moment. Her face, like always, was impassive and undeniably beautiful in a lovely youthful way, while her brilliant, impossibly green eyes narrowed thoughtfully, absorbing her friend's words but giving no hint of her own true response.
"Do you see what I mean, James?" Remus asked softly. "A girl that always shields her feelings and emotions from the outside world. A Gryffindor that searches some Slytherins´ company and refuses to exchange more than a few words with her own Housemates. You would never be able to understand her, no matter how hard you tried. She would always be the eternal secret of an alien being to you and you can't possibly want that."
James laughed, but it sounded rather forced. "You sound like Trelawney, Moonie!"
"There he's absolutely right", Sirius agreed. "´The eternal secret of an alien being´, Merlin, where do you pick up such shit?"
"You two are ignorants, that's all", Remus pouted in return.
"Ignorants?" Both of the friends echoed.
The other one rolled his eyes. "Or childish, immature, brash and uncouth if you like this better!"
In this moment, Severus began to laugh silkily at something the red-head had just said, his black eyes glittering in obvious amusement.
Sirius snorted at the sight. "Always sweet to see how the Lord of Grease gets all soft and fuzzy when being with the Ice Princess, isn't it?" Then he shook his head. "I'll take everything back what I said, Remus, you were right. There's no way anyone could ever understand the three of them."
"And this from someone who once claimed that he would never back down from a challenge", James said lightly, but his friends knew him well enough to hear the tense undertone. Then he wrinkled his nose. "But you two have a point. I actually don't understand what she sees in the Greasy Git and the Wicked Witch."
As if their talking about them had drawn them, the little group suddenly began to move towards the Gryffindor table.
Remus sighed heavily. "And there goes the chance of having a peaceful morning once again."
But before any of his friends could return something, the far too familiar silky voice of Severus already sneered across the table. "By Merlin, you three look like shit. A little behind in your beauty sleep?"
The three Gryffindors sighed in unison.
"Is there anything you want, Snape?" Sirius drawled impatiently. "Or are you and your endearing unholy family just pestering the air here for the pure fun of it?"
Severus' pale face screwed up into a sour squint. "If you have failed to notice until now - which I consider highly possible regarding your usual stupidity -, the bloody castle does not belong to you, Black. I can stand wherever I like to."
"And so you choose to honour us with the pleasure of your company", Remus concluded, his voice heavy with irony. "Well, we would invite you and goldy-locks to sit down, but unfortunately the Hogwarts table does not offer the pints of blood you prefer for breakfast."
Morrigan arched a perfectly plucked eyebrow. "Your vampire jokes are getting lamer and lamer every time I hear them, Lupin", she remarked casually, not even bothering to look directly at him. "Besides I'm just about as interested in sitting at your table as I am in pitching a tent in Trelawney´s Tower; Severus and me were just accompanying Lily."
With this she turned to her friend, who had observed the little exchange in silence, her flawless face giving no sign whether it amused or simply bored her to death.
Remus raised an eyebrow at the sight of the two witches, thinking that Sirius had not been wrong when claiming them to be the most beautiful girls of the entire school. With their jewel-like eyes, their shining hair, a pale and creamy skin and bodies that could probably cause entire Quidditch teams to collide in the air, Morrigan McGregor and Lily Evans possessed a perfection that was normally just found in magazines.
But then what he had said about their being strange had hit home as well like their following discussion showed him once more.
"Promise me to think it over, Lil." Morrigan asked, a bit curt.
The pretty red-haired took a seat next to Sirius, pushing her flaming hair out of her cool, flawless face with complete carelessness while watching her friend with that level, somewhat ironic gaze she was famous for. "If you like so", she returned quite bored. "But since I won't change my opinion, I don't see any real point in this."
A petulant pout reformed the blonde's lovely full lips. "But why not?" she asked very distinctly, judging from the unnerved tone of her voice not for the first time this morning. "Why. The. Hell. Not?"
"You mean why I resist to risk my life in order to help you overcoming your usual start-of-term boredom?" The green-eyed girl answered with another question, her clear voice full of unspoken sarcasm. "If you'll pardon my honesty, Morrigan, who cares if you are bored? I am bored all the time, and nobody gives it a second thought."
"You are just boring, period. There's no cure for that."
Severus rolled his eyes at this little exchange of wits. "Do you two realize that your ever repeating disputes are getting rather annoying with the time?"
Spinning around, the blonde's sapphire blue eyes glared angrily at the dark-haired boy. "Well, Sev, why don't you try to convince her then?", she shot back, obviously at the end of her tether. "You're the only one she ever listens to, anyway!"
The boy only smirked coolly. "I know you two better than to interfere in your cat fighting", he returned dryly. "Don't expect me to say anything that anyone could call an opinion."
Now Morrigan looked as if she were ready to kill them both on the spot.
"What devilish thing are you plotting this time, McGregor?" Sirius hindered her from saying whatever nasty remark already laid on her tongue. His expression displayed a mixture of amusement and vicious curiosity. "Trying to find new victims to satisfy your blood thirst? Or is Evans just refusing to help you with your coffin?"
The blonde sighed annoyed. "Black, why don't you get yourself a life of your own, instead of always put your deformed nose into things that are absolutely none of your business?"
"Because nothing is as amusing as watching you using your highly developed talent of manipulating and deceiving people and turning on your charm at all the right moments for your own personal gain", Remus answered for his friend, his tone teasingly.
A little smirk formed itself on the blonde's full lips. "Wow, Lupin, almost 65% of that was an actual compliment", she retorted in mock surprise. "Is that a personal best?"
Ignoring this, the smile on Remus´s lips widened. "Although I have to confess that I pity those you leave behind, McGregor", he continued in exactly the same tone. "Honestly, this poor Ravenclaw was on the verge of suicide when you decided to let him fall last month."
Morrigan blinked. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Severus rolled his eyes. "The brain-scattered excuse of a Prefect you flirted shamelessly with in order to get him to write your Transfiguration essay", he reminded her dryly. "By the way the greatest idiot you have ever wasted your time on and regarding the ever increasing number of broken hearts you leave behind on your way, that really has to say something."
"You are the one to talk!" The blonde shot back. Her sapphire blue eyes wandered from him to Lily, a playfully cruel smile appearing on her perfect lips. "You and Lil, you love to talk about being logical and rational, but there had not been more than about ten logical minutes between you since you've met!"
The dark-haired boy gave her his deadliest glare, but Morrigan only smiled obtusely, pushing her luxurious hair from her face, as she tilted her pretty little head to let her eyes dance with sinister intent. "By the way, Sev, I've heard some quite interesting rumours about you and Lily from Bertha, but I'm not quite sure whether I should believe them for I cannot imagine that you two would have denied your best friend such...delicate news."
"Right, Snape, we all like to hear some more about the touching relationship between you and the Ice Princess!" Sirius shot in, a vicious grin on his lips. "So is it true that you two did the dirty thing while after attending a Vampire Meeting in the Forbidden Forrest?"
While the boy turned his death glare towards him, this time not nearly as impressive because of his suddenly blood-red cheeks, James snorted loudly. "Please, Sirius, I am eating." The level of coldness his voice displayed made his friend blink in surprise.
Severus´ black eyes narrowed. "And that with such a lack of skill that I'm once more grateful not to be in your mind-lacking House", he remarked dryly. "Honestly, Potter, is it that hard to use a spoon decently or is it just one rebellious act of yours to lick your fingers after eating your marmalade roll?"
"Hey, calm down", Remus interfered quickly, seeing how James turned furiously red. "There is no sense in..."
"Don't Lupin", the pretty red-haired girl on Sirius´ interrupted him, a sparkle of mischief apparent in her brilliantly green eyes. Pushing her flaming hair out of her forehead, she shot an ironic glance in Severus´ direction. "You can't take Sev the chance to use his new assortment of looks on his self-chosen arch-nemesis. He had not even used all his nineteen different sneers by now."
Remus began to choke. "You counted them?" he asked incredulously.
Lily began to laugh, the clear, melodic sound finally getting the two still quarrelling rivals to shut up. It was not every day that Lily Evans showed a feeling, least of all cheerfulness, this openly.
The corner of the red-head's mouth quirked when she noticed the undivided attention she had now. "Blessed silence", she commented on it sarcastically. "I just wonder if it will prevail long enough for me to end my breakfast in peace."
Severus tried to fix her with a death glare, but had to laugh in spite of himself when she just raised an eyebrow in complete carelessness. "Sometimes I am tempted to hex you", he told her gently.
"I could say the same about you", James muttered, obviously infuriated by this open display of affection.
Severus sneered before turning to Morrigan. "If you have to overcome your boredom somehow, why don't you think of a solid plan to get rid of that idiot over there?" he demanded sarcastically, pointing at James as though the Gryffindor were not hearing every word he spoke.
"I don't see why I should waste my talent on James Potter, when something along the lines of you just being yourself should do the trick as well", the blonde shot back. "I don't mind beating the stupid Lions in the battle of wits once in a while, but this childish rivalry between you and the Golden Boy is really getting ridiculous!"
"Oh, but you your whole female power, take-back-the-night thing is perfectly normal?"
"Have you ever considered to act a bit more human, Sev? People might mistake you for an overgrown bat."
"And have you ever considered to act more like a witch instead of a bitch?"
"See-eev!"
"You know, I hate it when you say my name in that way!"
"And I hate it when you're behaving like an insufferable git, which means that I'm constantly irritated. Whom of us do you think has the worse end?"
"Do you realize that you have this same conversation every day?" Lily asked flatly, the expression of her beautiful green eyes somewhat annoyed. "It's getting boring."
"Oh, I find it rather entertaining", a cold male voice said, judging from the undertone in his young baritone highly amused by the small battle of wits occurring in that very room.
Everybody of the group spun around to spot the source of the voice.
Sirius spot it first and, naturally enough, began to groan melodramatically. "If this isn't Lucius Malfoy himself. Have I missed the calendar saying something about today being the ´Day of the Jackass´?"
With flawless grace, rarely seen in a teenage boy of this age, a pale-faced blond stepped forth from the dark hallway, just shooting a cold glance into Sirius's direction that clearly indicated such behaviour to be absolutely beneath him, before turning towards his beautiful blonde housemate. "I was hoping to find you here, Morrigan", he greeted her, his voice oddly agreeably as he leaned down to kiss her cheek lightly.
The blonde laughed, the sound raspy and full of promise. "And like always I am pleased to please you, Lucius", she returned flirty, her blue eyes glitting amused.
Lucius smirked shortly. "Charming as ever", he returned smoothly, then turned to his other Housemate. "How do you do, Severus?" he greeted him. His cold eyes wandered over to Lily at his side and hesitated for a short moment, before he acknowledged her presence with a short nod. "Lily." Keeping his young baritone under the strict constraints of politeness, it displayed nothing of his true feelings on the Muggle-born.
Lily's green eyes narrowed ever so slightly until they began to gleam like emeralds, an almost unnatural colour against the flaming hair and the white skin. "Lucius", she replied evenly.
For one short moment the two held their stares, many things not spoken in order to keep the fragile peace between them, many things still hidden, before they turned away in exact the same moment as though they had had a secret contract about it.
Himself again, Lucius turned back towards Morrigan and showed her his heart-wrenching perfect smile. "Anyway, I wanted to talk to you, dear." Nodding to the Gryffindors, the timbre of his voice changed. "Although I would prefer to do it in a place more...integer."
"Oh, Malfoy, do you want to imply that we are not integer? I'm shocked", James said dryly. "That's breaking my heart, honestly."
"Oh, but you must admit that we poor earthlings are clearly beneath these aristocratic higher-beings", Remus remarked sarcastically. "Isn't just watching
this elegant way they treat each other making you long to be part of their unholy family? Who ever cared about sincerity anyway?"
Morrigan rolled her eyes as if she were asking herself how on earth such morons could ever have gotten a Hogwarts letter in the first place. It was an expression the Marauder had already seen many times on the beautiful face. "I suppose we should just head to our own table then", she proposed. "Are you coming, too, Sev?"
Severus just waved his hand. "Go ahead, I'll follow in no time at all."
As the two Slytherins walked over to their own table, Lily's eyes finally lost something of their coldness as they flashed in a loathing nobody of the three Gryffindors could understand. "He seeks power", she said very quietly as though addressed more to herself than to her friend. "Power and power alone. He does not care about anything or anyone beside this. This is not even the usual Slytherin ambition, he is truly heartless."
"You're paranoid, Lil." Severus shook his head. "Lucius might not be a saint, but he's not the devil you want to see him as, either."
But the girl was not listening to him. Chewing her lips absentmindedly, she combed her slender fingers through her shining red mane, as if trying to get her hair ridden of any knots like a self-conscious school girl, the expression of the brilliant green eyes distant. "He would do it without hesitating", she muttered thoughtfully. "And Morrigan might very well confide in him if I continue to refuse her my help."
Severus shrugged. "Possible." His eyes narrowed. "Why are you so sternly against the idea, anyway? I intended to ask you that already the whole time."
She merely shook her head, taking a perfunctory sip of tea. "Perhaps I am just scared."
"Don't try to fool me, Lily." Severus shot her a quick tender smile. "You are not scared of anything and you know that I know it."
Her rare wintry smile formed itself slowly on the other one's full lips, changing her frosty self into sweetness and mischief. "I always forget how well you know me, Sev", she returned in the same unconcerned tone she always used, yet with an undertone full to bursting with tenderness. For one moment they held each other's stare, their eye contact pregnant with unspoken emotions, then James broke the magic of the moment with a disgusted sneer that sounded more like Snape than like himself. "Can't you flirt anywhere else?" he asked with icy measuredness. "I am loosing my appetite when I listen to you."
Severus´ black eyes narrowed. "Then why don't you simply go and play Quidditch for God knows this is the only bloody thing you're good for."
"Who is standing at whose breakfast table?" James hazel eyes laid with undisguised loathing on Snape.
"Bugger off, Potter, last time I checked this was still a public place!"
"Then leave for another public place! If you're that eager to go on our nerves further, you can always send us an owl."
"We are in a sour mood this morning, aren't we?"
"No wonder with your greasy self right in front of me!"
A cold little smirk appeared on the other boy's lips. "Don't mistake me for an idiot, Potter", he said quietly, his voice silky and cruel. "This is not about our usual rivalry, isn't it? It's not even about me."
James grew pale. "What the hell do you mean?"
The other boy's dark eyes narrowed even more as they wandered from James to Lily. "It means that I am not totally blind", he returned calmly. With this he turned around to go. "I'll see you in Transfigurations, Lil."
The girl's eyes were absolutely unreadable, beyond anything the boys at her side could grasp, the sweet line of her mouth determined. "Severus?"
He turned around, an eyebrow raised questioningly. "Yes?"
"Tell Morrigan that she can count on me."
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We are born at sunset and we die ere morn,
And the whole darkness of the world we know,
How can we guess its truth, to darkness born,
The obscure consequence of absent glow?
Only the stars to teach us light. We grasp
Their scattered smallnesses with thoughts that stray,
And, though their eyes look through night's complete mask,
Yet they speak not the features of the day.
~ Fernando Pessoa
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*Tell Morrigan that she can count on me.*
Her words still echoed through Lily's mind when she climbed the steps up to the Astronomy Tower as she had done thousands of times in the last five years. When she got outside on the platform, she inhaled the fresh cold night air deeply, like always invigorated by the feeling of the coldness on her skin. Walking to the edge of the platform and gazing out into the eternity of the night sky, her rare wintry smile slowly formed on her lips. All day she had been desperately waiting to get out here, out on her little sanctuary where she felt at home like almost nowhere else on this world.
Leaning on the railing, Lily's green eyes smiled at the familiar patterns of the stars and finally lingered on the brightest light on the sky.
The moon, always her favourite planet, the soothing guide, sister to Earth, lover to all, yet eternally alone in the sky. Like herself the moon was good at hiding when she found it necessary, but would bask in the afterglow of the day when her time to shine came.
Lily's smile widened. Impossible to explain to people how much of a mother Luna was to her. Impossible for any Gryffindor to grasp that one of their own Housemates felt safe and at home in the dark. That it made her want to sing.
Pushing her luxurious hair out of her smooth forehead absent-mindedly, her cat-like eyes narrowed a bit. Lily knew that she had never been a person that was easy to understand. Never somebody people liked to befriend, always a loner that was considered beautiful but cold. It never had mattered to her much and she had stopped thinking of it ever since Morrigan and Snape had stepped in her life, but sometimes, at very seldom occasions she wondered what her life might be like if she were different. More than other girls her age. Less dark.
The sound of footfalls on the stones behind her startled her out of her reverie. She knew who it was without turning around by the way he took two stairs with every step. Her smile grew softer. "Severus", she greeted him quietly.
"I thought I might find you up here." She felt him walking to her side, and stepped a bit aside to create more space for him.
"Guess I'm becoming predictable", she eventually returned, glancing at him over her shoulder.
"You?" Laughing quietly, he rested his hand on the parapet next to hers. "Never. Every time I think I've finally come to understand you completely, you'll always manage to surprise me."
She did not reply anything, but placed her slender hand gently on top of his. He did not flinch back like he would have done with any other person, which caused her eyes to sparkle satisfied. Severus did not like to be touched any better than herself, but with the two of them it had always been different.
"By Merlin, Lily. For all you look like a walking flame, you really feel like ice", she heard him murmuring softly. Gently wrapping his arms around her waist from behind, he settled his robes around the two of them and pressed the full length of his long, thin form against hers.
Relaxing a bit and leaning back against his chest, Lily brought her hands inside the cocoon he has created to warm them and closed her eyes for a moment, feeling as sheltered and safe as she only ever could in his arms. It were these moments she felt truly alive. "How has Morrigan reacted when you brought her the good news?" she murmured after a while.
He snorted shortly, still so close to her that she could feel the humid touch of his breath against the side of her neck. "You know Morrigan. She was absolutely pleased like always when she accomplishes her will and acted accordingly sweet around everybody. So sweet acutally that she managed to cause Rosier a nose bleeding."
Lily did not laugh like she would have done under other circumstances. "Hmmm."
Turning her around, but not releasing her from his warm embrace, Severus eyed her sceptically. "Don't ´hmmm´ me, Evans, you know that I haven't fallen for this trick in years", he informed her, trying to sound strict. Then he shook his head in incomprehension. "Come on, Lily, will you tell me now why you were so sternly against performing the ritual? You never drew back from a challenge before."
"That was different."
"So?"
Sighing, she turned around again, her eyes once more focused on the night sky above her, trying to find reassurance in the bright lights. "We have done dark magic before, Severus, I don't deny that", she said after a while, her voice as calm as ever. "And it had been....thrilling that I acknowledge. But it was merely done for the sole benefit of showing us if we were able to do it. It was a game. But this here is about power."
The innocent confusion on his face made her shake her head unwillingly. "Have I told you anything about my summer holiday, Sev?" she suddenly asked.
He frowned, obviously surprised at this sudden change of topic. "No, but..."
"It had been terribly", she interrupted him, the tone of her voice colder than before. "Nothing to do but to stay with my Muggle family, back in a Muggle town surrounded by Muggles. I never had a problem with it before I went to Hogwarts, but now...", her voice almost sound dry. "I don't belong there anymore. I don't understand them anymore and they cannot even come close to comprehend anything about me. I want increasingly to live around magic. With magic. And therefore I've always agreed to participate in the little games you and Morrigan like to play so nonchalantly every once in a while in the past."
Firmly she freed himself from his embrace and began to walk back and forth on the small platform, driven by an anger whose source was unknown even to her. "I have my questions", she said after a while. "There are things I must know. I cannot live without some embracing philosophy, but it has nothing to do with old beliefs in gods or devils or in the new belief the Dark Lord demands from his followers." Stopping in front of him, she narrowed her eyes, daring him to break her gaze. "I want to know about the secrets of the universe. I want to know why beauty exists and why nature continues to contrive it. I want to know it all. Perhaps that this curiosity leads me away from the people around me, but it is the lantern by which I see the road I travel."
Judging from the frown on his forehead, Severus tried very hard to understand this. It almost made Lily smile, the way he always tried to comprehend her, the way he so often succeeded when everybody else failed. Her soulmate.
His black eyes eventually narrowed as they looked thoughtfully into her own. "I still don't see what is different this time." He paused for a moment, his fingers tapping on the parapet in an imaginary rhythm. "You act, you deal with the consequences, you learn from them, you avenge yourself. Then you move on. That's what we've always done."
Despite herself, she felt the corner of her lips quirk. "´And power-hungry Slytherin loved those of great ambition´", she returned sarcastically yet gentle as though trying not to provoke the boy with her words. "That's how it always been with you and Morrigan. You thrill at the possibility of power, at the possibility that a grand and beautiful being could be utterly evil. You long for greatness above the things around with the same egoistic hunger I fear in Lucius. And this is why I refused to participate in taking a role in Morrigan´s newest plot. I seek knowledge, neither power nor greatness."
The black-haired boy looked puzzled. "But what is knowledge without power?" he asked in honest confusion.
Staring into his so familiar black eyes, the little smile on Lily's lips widened. "You wouldn't understand even if I bothered to explain it to you, my darling Slytherin", she returned gently. "And I'm not in the mood to discuss our inter-house differences just now, anyway."
With this, she cupped her hand around the nape of his neck, dipped her head and grazed his lips with her own.
Immediate connection, like always.
Almost instinctively one of Severus´s hands crawled up her back as the boy gave some soft sound that was very like him against her lips. She could all but hear the words.
Closing her eyes, she pulled him down on top of her, sinking deep into his embrace. She did not know what it was, but every time Severus held her like this, all that mattered in her world was the feeling of the soft lips moving against her own, the daring tongue exploring the cavern of her mouth, the heat of the firm and slender body pressed against her, the way the boy was entwining his fingers in her red hair. In moments like this she did not need anything else and all her dreams of knowledge did not mean anything to her anymore.
A soft moan cut the silence reigning on the platform, and she wouldn't have been able to tell if it was his or hers.
Not that it would be of any importance.
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Ever since I wrote the first flashback in the second chapter, I have been eager to write another one and - here it is! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it for I am playing with the idea to add one or two more. Kindly let me know what you think about this =^_~=
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Flashback 2:
"I don't understand it", Sirius Black repeated for the one hundredths time this morning. "I simply don't understand it. I mean, he's Hogwarts´ slimiest, greasiest and most arrogant bastard, isn't he? So why the hell is he the chosen bosom friend of the two most beautiful girls of the entire school? Can someone please explain me the logic behind this?"
"It may be because the two most beautiful girls also happen to be the strangest ones out there", Remus Lupin answered dryly, following his friend's eyes to the three persons at the end of the hall who were wildly debuting with each other at the moment. "I mean, behind her oh-so-sweet facade, McGregor is the very embodiment of all Slytherin beholds and Lily Evans was never what you called quite the normal either."
"That's not true!" The third one of the group shot in. Turning brightly red at the incredulous glanced of his friends, he added quickly, "I mean, Lily's a Gryffindor, right, so she cannot be that bad. After all, we don't know anything about her." Noticing the knowing glances, Remus and Sirius exchanged, the crimson colour on his cheeks deepened. "Hey, what's there to look?" he asked defiantly.
"James, James, James." Remus shook his head in mock exhaustion. "We are your best friends, right? Did you actually think that we would not notice this little crush you have developed on our pretty red-head?"
James´ hazel eyes widened in shock. "That's ridiculous, Moonie", he stuttered.
"It indeed is", Sirius agreed darkly. "Honestly, James, what do you think? Okay, she's cute, I don't deny her that. By Merlin, she's one of the hottest chicks I've ever laid my eyes upon, but that does not change the fact that we are speaking about Lily Evans. Lily Evans! The Ice Princess, remember?"
"Could you possible be any louder? I am not sure if really anyone in the Hall can hear you", James whispered through tightly clenched teeth.
Of course Sirius did not listen to that. "And to top it all, there is her highly dubious relationship with Snape. I really don't want to sound like that old gossiper Bertha What-is-her-name-again but even the Slytherins whisper that the two of them have recently moved beyond the casual-friends stage!" He snorted contemptuously. "It's probably only a matter of time before someone sees them making out up there on the Astronomy Tower during a blizzard or a freak lightning storm!"
"Padfood", Remus interrupted him softly, seeing the furious expression on James´s face. Then he turned towards his friend, trying very hard to sound reasonable. "But Sirius is not this wrong, though. Lily has always been...different. And if you want proof of my words, you must only look to the other end of the hall."
With this he pointed to the place where Lily was still standing together with Snape and McGregor. By the morning light, the Muggle-born´s hair glimmered a rich dark red while she listened to something Morrigan was explaining at the moment. Her face, like always, was impassive and undeniably beautiful in a lovely youthful way, while her brilliant, impossibly green eyes narrowed thoughtfully, absorbing her friend's words but giving no hint of her own true response.
"Do you see what I mean, James?" Remus asked softly. "A girl that always shields her feelings and emotions from the outside world. A Gryffindor that searches some Slytherins´ company and refuses to exchange more than a few words with her own Housemates. You would never be able to understand her, no matter how hard you tried. She would always be the eternal secret of an alien being to you and you can't possibly want that."
James laughed, but it sounded rather forced. "You sound like Trelawney, Moonie!"
"There he's absolutely right", Sirius agreed. "´The eternal secret of an alien being´, Merlin, where do you pick up such shit?"
"You two are ignorants, that's all", Remus pouted in return.
"Ignorants?" Both of the friends echoed.
The other one rolled his eyes. "Or childish, immature, brash and uncouth if you like this better!"
In this moment, Severus began to laugh silkily at something the red-head had just said, his black eyes glittering in obvious amusement.
Sirius snorted at the sight. "Always sweet to see how the Lord of Grease gets all soft and fuzzy when being with the Ice Princess, isn't it?" Then he shook his head. "I'll take everything back what I said, Remus, you were right. There's no way anyone could ever understand the three of them."
"And this from someone who once claimed that he would never back down from a challenge", James said lightly, but his friends knew him well enough to hear the tense undertone. Then he wrinkled his nose. "But you two have a point. I actually don't understand what she sees in the Greasy Git and the Wicked Witch."
As if their talking about them had drawn them, the little group suddenly began to move towards the Gryffindor table.
Remus sighed heavily. "And there goes the chance of having a peaceful morning once again."
But before any of his friends could return something, the far too familiar silky voice of Severus already sneered across the table. "By Merlin, you three look like shit. A little behind in your beauty sleep?"
The three Gryffindors sighed in unison.
"Is there anything you want, Snape?" Sirius drawled impatiently. "Or are you and your endearing unholy family just pestering the air here for the pure fun of it?"
Severus' pale face screwed up into a sour squint. "If you have failed to notice until now - which I consider highly possible regarding your usual stupidity -, the bloody castle does not belong to you, Black. I can stand wherever I like to."
"And so you choose to honour us with the pleasure of your company", Remus concluded, his voice heavy with irony. "Well, we would invite you and goldy-locks to sit down, but unfortunately the Hogwarts table does not offer the pints of blood you prefer for breakfast."
Morrigan arched a perfectly plucked eyebrow. "Your vampire jokes are getting lamer and lamer every time I hear them, Lupin", she remarked casually, not even bothering to look directly at him. "Besides I'm just about as interested in sitting at your table as I am in pitching a tent in Trelawney´s Tower; Severus and me were just accompanying Lily."
With this she turned to her friend, who had observed the little exchange in silence, her flawless face giving no sign whether it amused or simply bored her to death.
Remus raised an eyebrow at the sight of the two witches, thinking that Sirius had not been wrong when claiming them to be the most beautiful girls of the entire school. With their jewel-like eyes, their shining hair, a pale and creamy skin and bodies that could probably cause entire Quidditch teams to collide in the air, Morrigan McGregor and Lily Evans possessed a perfection that was normally just found in magazines.
But then what he had said about their being strange had hit home as well like their following discussion showed him once more.
"Promise me to think it over, Lil." Morrigan asked, a bit curt.
The pretty red-haired took a seat next to Sirius, pushing her flaming hair out of her cool, flawless face with complete carelessness while watching her friend with that level, somewhat ironic gaze she was famous for. "If you like so", she returned quite bored. "But since I won't change my opinion, I don't see any real point in this."
A petulant pout reformed the blonde's lovely full lips. "But why not?" she asked very distinctly, judging from the unnerved tone of her voice not for the first time this morning. "Why. The. Hell. Not?"
"You mean why I resist to risk my life in order to help you overcoming your usual start-of-term boredom?" The green-eyed girl answered with another question, her clear voice full of unspoken sarcasm. "If you'll pardon my honesty, Morrigan, who cares if you are bored? I am bored all the time, and nobody gives it a second thought."
"You are just boring, period. There's no cure for that."
Severus rolled his eyes at this little exchange of wits. "Do you two realize that your ever repeating disputes are getting rather annoying with the time?"
Spinning around, the blonde's sapphire blue eyes glared angrily at the dark-haired boy. "Well, Sev, why don't you try to convince her then?", she shot back, obviously at the end of her tether. "You're the only one she ever listens to, anyway!"
The boy only smirked coolly. "I know you two better than to interfere in your cat fighting", he returned dryly. "Don't expect me to say anything that anyone could call an opinion."
Now Morrigan looked as if she were ready to kill them both on the spot.
"What devilish thing are you plotting this time, McGregor?" Sirius hindered her from saying whatever nasty remark already laid on her tongue. His expression displayed a mixture of amusement and vicious curiosity. "Trying to find new victims to satisfy your blood thirst? Or is Evans just refusing to help you with your coffin?"
The blonde sighed annoyed. "Black, why don't you get yourself a life of your own, instead of always put your deformed nose into things that are absolutely none of your business?"
"Because nothing is as amusing as watching you using your highly developed talent of manipulating and deceiving people and turning on your charm at all the right moments for your own personal gain", Remus answered for his friend, his tone teasingly.
A little smirk formed itself on the blonde's full lips. "Wow, Lupin, almost 65% of that was an actual compliment", she retorted in mock surprise. "Is that a personal best?"
Ignoring this, the smile on Remus´s lips widened. "Although I have to confess that I pity those you leave behind, McGregor", he continued in exactly the same tone. "Honestly, this poor Ravenclaw was on the verge of suicide when you decided to let him fall last month."
Morrigan blinked. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Severus rolled his eyes. "The brain-scattered excuse of a Prefect you flirted shamelessly with in order to get him to write your Transfiguration essay", he reminded her dryly. "By the way the greatest idiot you have ever wasted your time on and regarding the ever increasing number of broken hearts you leave behind on your way, that really has to say something."
"You are the one to talk!" The blonde shot back. Her sapphire blue eyes wandered from him to Lily, a playfully cruel smile appearing on her perfect lips. "You and Lil, you love to talk about being logical and rational, but there had not been more than about ten logical minutes between you since you've met!"
The dark-haired boy gave her his deadliest glare, but Morrigan only smiled obtusely, pushing her luxurious hair from her face, as she tilted her pretty little head to let her eyes dance with sinister intent. "By the way, Sev, I've heard some quite interesting rumours about you and Lily from Bertha, but I'm not quite sure whether I should believe them for I cannot imagine that you two would have denied your best friend such...delicate news."
"Right, Snape, we all like to hear some more about the touching relationship between you and the Ice Princess!" Sirius shot in, a vicious grin on his lips. "So is it true that you two did the dirty thing while after attending a Vampire Meeting in the Forbidden Forrest?"
While the boy turned his death glare towards him, this time not nearly as impressive because of his suddenly blood-red cheeks, James snorted loudly. "Please, Sirius, I am eating." The level of coldness his voice displayed made his friend blink in surprise.
Severus´ black eyes narrowed. "And that with such a lack of skill that I'm once more grateful not to be in your mind-lacking House", he remarked dryly. "Honestly, Potter, is it that hard to use a spoon decently or is it just one rebellious act of yours to lick your fingers after eating your marmalade roll?"
"Hey, calm down", Remus interfered quickly, seeing how James turned furiously red. "There is no sense in..."
"Don't Lupin", the pretty red-haired girl on Sirius´ interrupted him, a sparkle of mischief apparent in her brilliantly green eyes. Pushing her flaming hair out of her forehead, she shot an ironic glance in Severus´ direction. "You can't take Sev the chance to use his new assortment of looks on his self-chosen arch-nemesis. He had not even used all his nineteen different sneers by now."
Remus began to choke. "You counted them?" he asked incredulously.
Lily began to laugh, the clear, melodic sound finally getting the two still quarrelling rivals to shut up. It was not every day that Lily Evans showed a feeling, least of all cheerfulness, this openly.
The corner of the red-head's mouth quirked when she noticed the undivided attention she had now. "Blessed silence", she commented on it sarcastically. "I just wonder if it will prevail long enough for me to end my breakfast in peace."
Severus tried to fix her with a death glare, but had to laugh in spite of himself when she just raised an eyebrow in complete carelessness. "Sometimes I am tempted to hex you", he told her gently.
"I could say the same about you", James muttered, obviously infuriated by this open display of affection.
Severus sneered before turning to Morrigan. "If you have to overcome your boredom somehow, why don't you think of a solid plan to get rid of that idiot over there?" he demanded sarcastically, pointing at James as though the Gryffindor were not hearing every word he spoke.
"I don't see why I should waste my talent on James Potter, when something along the lines of you just being yourself should do the trick as well", the blonde shot back. "I don't mind beating the stupid Lions in the battle of wits once in a while, but this childish rivalry between you and the Golden Boy is really getting ridiculous!"
"Oh, but you your whole female power, take-back-the-night thing is perfectly normal?"
"Have you ever considered to act a bit more human, Sev? People might mistake you for an overgrown bat."
"And have you ever considered to act more like a witch instead of a bitch?"
"See-eev!"
"You know, I hate it when you say my name in that way!"
"And I hate it when you're behaving like an insufferable git, which means that I'm constantly irritated. Whom of us do you think has the worse end?"
"Do you realize that you have this same conversation every day?" Lily asked flatly, the expression of her beautiful green eyes somewhat annoyed. "It's getting boring."
"Oh, I find it rather entertaining", a cold male voice said, judging from the undertone in his young baritone highly amused by the small battle of wits occurring in that very room.
Everybody of the group spun around to spot the source of the voice.
Sirius spot it first and, naturally enough, began to groan melodramatically. "If this isn't Lucius Malfoy himself. Have I missed the calendar saying something about today being the ´Day of the Jackass´?"
With flawless grace, rarely seen in a teenage boy of this age, a pale-faced blond stepped forth from the dark hallway, just shooting a cold glance into Sirius's direction that clearly indicated such behaviour to be absolutely beneath him, before turning towards his beautiful blonde housemate. "I was hoping to find you here, Morrigan", he greeted her, his voice oddly agreeably as he leaned down to kiss her cheek lightly.
The blonde laughed, the sound raspy and full of promise. "And like always I am pleased to please you, Lucius", she returned flirty, her blue eyes glitting amused.
Lucius smirked shortly. "Charming as ever", he returned smoothly, then turned to his other Housemate. "How do you do, Severus?" he greeted him. His cold eyes wandered over to Lily at his side and hesitated for a short moment, before he acknowledged her presence with a short nod. "Lily." Keeping his young baritone under the strict constraints of politeness, it displayed nothing of his true feelings on the Muggle-born.
Lily's green eyes narrowed ever so slightly until they began to gleam like emeralds, an almost unnatural colour against the flaming hair and the white skin. "Lucius", she replied evenly.
For one short moment the two held their stares, many things not spoken in order to keep the fragile peace between them, many things still hidden, before they turned away in exact the same moment as though they had had a secret contract about it.
Himself again, Lucius turned back towards Morrigan and showed her his heart-wrenching perfect smile. "Anyway, I wanted to talk to you, dear." Nodding to the Gryffindors, the timbre of his voice changed. "Although I would prefer to do it in a place more...integer."
"Oh, Malfoy, do you want to imply that we are not integer? I'm shocked", James said dryly. "That's breaking my heart, honestly."
"Oh, but you must admit that we poor earthlings are clearly beneath these aristocratic higher-beings", Remus remarked sarcastically. "Isn't just watching
this elegant way they treat each other making you long to be part of their unholy family? Who ever cared about sincerity anyway?"
Morrigan rolled her eyes as if she were asking herself how on earth such morons could ever have gotten a Hogwarts letter in the first place. It was an expression the Marauder had already seen many times on the beautiful face. "I suppose we should just head to our own table then", she proposed. "Are you coming, too, Sev?"
Severus just waved his hand. "Go ahead, I'll follow in no time at all."
As the two Slytherins walked over to their own table, Lily's eyes finally lost something of their coldness as they flashed in a loathing nobody of the three Gryffindors could understand. "He seeks power", she said very quietly as though addressed more to herself than to her friend. "Power and power alone. He does not care about anything or anyone beside this. This is not even the usual Slytherin ambition, he is truly heartless."
"You're paranoid, Lil." Severus shook his head. "Lucius might not be a saint, but he's not the devil you want to see him as, either."
But the girl was not listening to him. Chewing her lips absentmindedly, she combed her slender fingers through her shining red mane, as if trying to get her hair ridden of any knots like a self-conscious school girl, the expression of the brilliant green eyes distant. "He would do it without hesitating", she muttered thoughtfully. "And Morrigan might very well confide in him if I continue to refuse her my help."
Severus shrugged. "Possible." His eyes narrowed. "Why are you so sternly against the idea, anyway? I intended to ask you that already the whole time."
She merely shook her head, taking a perfunctory sip of tea. "Perhaps I am just scared."
"Don't try to fool me, Lily." Severus shot her a quick tender smile. "You are not scared of anything and you know that I know it."
Her rare wintry smile formed itself slowly on the other one's full lips, changing her frosty self into sweetness and mischief. "I always forget how well you know me, Sev", she returned in the same unconcerned tone she always used, yet with an undertone full to bursting with tenderness. For one moment they held each other's stare, their eye contact pregnant with unspoken emotions, then James broke the magic of the moment with a disgusted sneer that sounded more like Snape than like himself. "Can't you flirt anywhere else?" he asked with icy measuredness. "I am loosing my appetite when I listen to you."
Severus´ black eyes narrowed. "Then why don't you simply go and play Quidditch for God knows this is the only bloody thing you're good for."
"Who is standing at whose breakfast table?" James hazel eyes laid with undisguised loathing on Snape.
"Bugger off, Potter, last time I checked this was still a public place!"
"Then leave for another public place! If you're that eager to go on our nerves further, you can always send us an owl."
"We are in a sour mood this morning, aren't we?"
"No wonder with your greasy self right in front of me!"
A cold little smirk appeared on the other boy's lips. "Don't mistake me for an idiot, Potter", he said quietly, his voice silky and cruel. "This is not about our usual rivalry, isn't it? It's not even about me."
James grew pale. "What the hell do you mean?"
The other boy's dark eyes narrowed even more as they wandered from James to Lily. "It means that I am not totally blind", he returned calmly. With this he turned around to go. "I'll see you in Transfigurations, Lil."
The girl's eyes were absolutely unreadable, beyond anything the boys at her side could grasp, the sweet line of her mouth determined. "Severus?"
He turned around, an eyebrow raised questioningly. "Yes?"
"Tell Morrigan that she can count on me."
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We are born at sunset and we die ere morn,
And the whole darkness of the world we know,
How can we guess its truth, to darkness born,
The obscure consequence of absent glow?
Only the stars to teach us light. We grasp
Their scattered smallnesses with thoughts that stray,
And, though their eyes look through night's complete mask,
Yet they speak not the features of the day.
~ Fernando Pessoa
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*Tell Morrigan that she can count on me.*
Her words still echoed through Lily's mind when she climbed the steps up to the Astronomy Tower as she had done thousands of times in the last five years. When she got outside on the platform, she inhaled the fresh cold night air deeply, like always invigorated by the feeling of the coldness on her skin. Walking to the edge of the platform and gazing out into the eternity of the night sky, her rare wintry smile slowly formed on her lips. All day she had been desperately waiting to get out here, out on her little sanctuary where she felt at home like almost nowhere else on this world.
Leaning on the railing, Lily's green eyes smiled at the familiar patterns of the stars and finally lingered on the brightest light on the sky.
The moon, always her favourite planet, the soothing guide, sister to Earth, lover to all, yet eternally alone in the sky. Like herself the moon was good at hiding when she found it necessary, but would bask in the afterglow of the day when her time to shine came.
Lily's smile widened. Impossible to explain to people how much of a mother Luna was to her. Impossible for any Gryffindor to grasp that one of their own Housemates felt safe and at home in the dark. That it made her want to sing.
Pushing her luxurious hair out of her smooth forehead absent-mindedly, her cat-like eyes narrowed a bit. Lily knew that she had never been a person that was easy to understand. Never somebody people liked to befriend, always a loner that was considered beautiful but cold. It never had mattered to her much and she had stopped thinking of it ever since Morrigan and Snape had stepped in her life, but sometimes, at very seldom occasions she wondered what her life might be like if she were different. More than other girls her age. Less dark.
The sound of footfalls on the stones behind her startled her out of her reverie. She knew who it was without turning around by the way he took two stairs with every step. Her smile grew softer. "Severus", she greeted him quietly.
"I thought I might find you up here." She felt him walking to her side, and stepped a bit aside to create more space for him.
"Guess I'm becoming predictable", she eventually returned, glancing at him over her shoulder.
"You?" Laughing quietly, he rested his hand on the parapet next to hers. "Never. Every time I think I've finally come to understand you completely, you'll always manage to surprise me."
She did not reply anything, but placed her slender hand gently on top of his. He did not flinch back like he would have done with any other person, which caused her eyes to sparkle satisfied. Severus did not like to be touched any better than herself, but with the two of them it had always been different.
"By Merlin, Lily. For all you look like a walking flame, you really feel like ice", she heard him murmuring softly. Gently wrapping his arms around her waist from behind, he settled his robes around the two of them and pressed the full length of his long, thin form against hers.
Relaxing a bit and leaning back against his chest, Lily brought her hands inside the cocoon he has created to warm them and closed her eyes for a moment, feeling as sheltered and safe as she only ever could in his arms. It were these moments she felt truly alive. "How has Morrigan reacted when you brought her the good news?" she murmured after a while.
He snorted shortly, still so close to her that she could feel the humid touch of his breath against the side of her neck. "You know Morrigan. She was absolutely pleased like always when she accomplishes her will and acted accordingly sweet around everybody. So sweet acutally that she managed to cause Rosier a nose bleeding."
Lily did not laugh like she would have done under other circumstances. "Hmmm."
Turning her around, but not releasing her from his warm embrace, Severus eyed her sceptically. "Don't ´hmmm´ me, Evans, you know that I haven't fallen for this trick in years", he informed her, trying to sound strict. Then he shook his head in incomprehension. "Come on, Lily, will you tell me now why you were so sternly against performing the ritual? You never drew back from a challenge before."
"That was different."
"So?"
Sighing, she turned around again, her eyes once more focused on the night sky above her, trying to find reassurance in the bright lights. "We have done dark magic before, Severus, I don't deny that", she said after a while, her voice as calm as ever. "And it had been....thrilling that I acknowledge. But it was merely done for the sole benefit of showing us if we were able to do it. It was a game. But this here is about power."
The innocent confusion on his face made her shake her head unwillingly. "Have I told you anything about my summer holiday, Sev?" she suddenly asked.
He frowned, obviously surprised at this sudden change of topic. "No, but..."
"It had been terribly", she interrupted him, the tone of her voice colder than before. "Nothing to do but to stay with my Muggle family, back in a Muggle town surrounded by Muggles. I never had a problem with it before I went to Hogwarts, but now...", her voice almost sound dry. "I don't belong there anymore. I don't understand them anymore and they cannot even come close to comprehend anything about me. I want increasingly to live around magic. With magic. And therefore I've always agreed to participate in the little games you and Morrigan like to play so nonchalantly every once in a while in the past."
Firmly she freed himself from his embrace and began to walk back and forth on the small platform, driven by an anger whose source was unknown even to her. "I have my questions", she said after a while. "There are things I must know. I cannot live without some embracing philosophy, but it has nothing to do with old beliefs in gods or devils or in the new belief the Dark Lord demands from his followers." Stopping in front of him, she narrowed her eyes, daring him to break her gaze. "I want to know about the secrets of the universe. I want to know why beauty exists and why nature continues to contrive it. I want to know it all. Perhaps that this curiosity leads me away from the people around me, but it is the lantern by which I see the road I travel."
Judging from the frown on his forehead, Severus tried very hard to understand this. It almost made Lily smile, the way he always tried to comprehend her, the way he so often succeeded when everybody else failed. Her soulmate.
His black eyes eventually narrowed as they looked thoughtfully into her own. "I still don't see what is different this time." He paused for a moment, his fingers tapping on the parapet in an imaginary rhythm. "You act, you deal with the consequences, you learn from them, you avenge yourself. Then you move on. That's what we've always done."
Despite herself, she felt the corner of her lips quirk. "´And power-hungry Slytherin loved those of great ambition´", she returned sarcastically yet gentle as though trying not to provoke the boy with her words. "That's how it always been with you and Morrigan. You thrill at the possibility of power, at the possibility that a grand and beautiful being could be utterly evil. You long for greatness above the things around with the same egoistic hunger I fear in Lucius. And this is why I refused to participate in taking a role in Morrigan´s newest plot. I seek knowledge, neither power nor greatness."
The black-haired boy looked puzzled. "But what is knowledge without power?" he asked in honest confusion.
Staring into his so familiar black eyes, the little smile on Lily's lips widened. "You wouldn't understand even if I bothered to explain it to you, my darling Slytherin", she returned gently. "And I'm not in the mood to discuss our inter-house differences just now, anyway."
With this, she cupped her hand around the nape of his neck, dipped her head and grazed his lips with her own.
Immediate connection, like always.
Almost instinctively one of Severus´s hands crawled up her back as the boy gave some soft sound that was very like him against her lips. She could all but hear the words.
Closing her eyes, she pulled him down on top of her, sinking deep into his embrace. She did not know what it was, but every time Severus held her like this, all that mattered in her world was the feeling of the soft lips moving against her own, the daring tongue exploring the cavern of her mouth, the heat of the firm and slender body pressed against her, the way the boy was entwining his fingers in her red hair. In moments like this she did not need anything else and all her dreams of knowledge did not mean anything to her anymore.
A soft moan cut the silence reigning on the platform, and she wouldn't have been able to tell if it was his or hers.
Not that it would be of any importance.
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