Chapter 6: All because of a Pair of green Eyes
Okay, this chapter is rather short but perhaps this will encourage people to read it to the end and to review (my hopes never die as you can see here). The next chapter will not contain any flashbacks but concentrate on the relationship between Snape, Harry and Morrigan. I just could not resist this one here...^^
Isidra - Hab ich schon erwähnt, dass ich mich immer wie ein kleines Kind über deine reviews freue?! Ganz ehrlich!!
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Snape looked idly out at the rows of students before him, all working - for the
time being anyway - silently. He fingered the root in his hand absently, one more time wondering what on earth had given Albus that pathetic idea of bringing the houses nearer together with joint lessons. As far as he could see, the only result of this idiocy was that Potter's faithful sidekick-in-crime, also known as Ron Weasley, and Lucius´s offspring would surely loose control over their brain-scattered selves one day and finish each other off. Not that it would be a great loss to the world, but who would have to bear the guilt for the two dead students in his dungeons? Him. Like always. Life really wasn´t fair.
Which made him think of the bane of his existence, who was right now working together with the incompetent Longbottom boy in front of him.
As usual, his thin lips curled into a sneer when his gaze met Lily's son. Sometimes Snape didn't know his feelings on the boy. He would sell his soul a second time to have him out of this school and on the same time he would die to protect him. For someone as dependent of control and rationalism as him, this turmoil of emotions the insufferable boy caused in him was simply unbearable - and all because of a pair of green eyes.
As if he had felt the weight of his stare, Potter suddenly looked up and stared at him with precisely these pure, clear and luminous eyes that he remembered so very well for they had been the eyes that sustained him once. For one moment they tried to stare each other down, then the boy looked away, frowning.
Snape's eyes narrowed. Something about Potter was different. Downright unfair as he had been to him in his time here at Hogwarts, there had also always been a core to Harry's resentment that was not of his own creation, a suspicion based on nothing more than the first glance that had passed between them. True, he had not hesitate to fuel it generously, but he had always known that he had not given it birth and could therefore not erase it even if he wished to. It had always there between them, every time when the boy's eyes flashed in defiance or when he botched some perfectly simple task in his class so spectacularly that the Potions Master would have judged it as wilful failure if he had not known where the boy had inherited this lack of talent from. But ever since this evening at Morrigan's two weeks ago, something about this familiar loathing had changed; something in the green eyes had become doubting and in his confusion, the boy resembled his mother like never before.
Snape forced his eyes away from Potter. As much as he hated to admit it, it had become hard to detest the brat after seeing the longing, yet heart-wrenching hopeless expression on his face when Morrigan had embraced him with her usual stupid spontaneity. So much pain. He wondered who else has ever been given such a glimpse of Gryffindor´s Golden Boy. He wondered if their was a boy beyond the scar after all.
Irritated at the course his thoughts had taken, he stood up abruptly. "Potions", he explained, not really expecting any of the ignorant children in front of him to understand. "You all know that they only work with the infusion of inherent magic, but the process is just that: a process; a series of precise steps that lead from one thing to another. Logic, potions is just about logic."
As he swept around, Longbottom gave a frightened squeak and dropped the Dragon Liver he was working with onto the floor, leaving a big, green splotch on the stone.
Snape almost smiled in satisfaction. Nothing worked quite as good to calm his nerves as taking points from the walking catastrophe area.
"Well, but it seems that even logic fails when it comes to the utter incompetence of Mr. Longbottom", he continued nastily. "I must admit that the consequence of his lacking talent sometimes nearly impresses me. Of course", he made a dramatic pause. "this does not free him from cleaning up the classroom this afternoon in his spare times. Or from the ten points he had lost Gryffindor with his foolishness."
While the Gryffindors tried to kill him with their glaring, most of his kids began to laugh, the loudest of course Draco Malfoy.
Snape's eyes lingered on the silver-haired boy with disgust for one short instant. Foolish boy. All of Lucius´s cruelty and charm, nothing of his subtlety. If not for the fact that his father would certainly show up in his dungeons if he ran out of control before this brat graduated, he would...Again he snorted, much to the discomfort of his students, who all made themselves a little smaller behind their desks, obviously trying to avoid his attention.
The obvious fear this reaction displayed suddenly made him thought of Lily again. She had never been afraid of him, not even in his darkest moods. He remembered how she had laughed at his gloominess once at school; he hadn't minded, if only because her laugh had not been mocking, but light and beautiful. *Honestly, Sev, the world wouldn't end if you dropped the intimidation act every once in a while.* Her comment had left him without words, but her delightful laugh had eased its way to his heart. He would have done everything for her just then. And then James came and all he had to do was his bloody cheerful self to change his Lily into a giggling stranger...
His eyes landed on Harry again, and narrowed at the sight. "Potter!" he sneered, deciding to let his frustrations out on his favourite victim. It had always worked well in the past, after all. "After your neighbour has already proven himself incompetent of keeping his ingredients on the table, let us see if the last hour was a waste of my time or if you actually managed to do something that might be of use."
The boy looked up and again Severus had to stare right into those brilliant green eyes which were the exact copies of his mother's eyes; eyes of a colour that surpassed even the finest emeralds.
He felt himself stiffen, as he suddenly recalled how Lily had come to him two days after the ritual -after two days of dreadful silence. He still remembered how painfully conscious he had been of her presence, of her perfume, of her red hair glowing in the shadows, of the rumpled black robe, of all of her and everything that had happened between them...
Forcing his thoughts back, he passed Potter without a second glance at him to look into the cauldron. To his surprise, everything was just like it should. Well...
The green eyes were staring at him questioningly, questioningly and impossibly green.
"Not totally bad", he heard him saying after a short moment of silence. He thought for one moment if he could have said this in a somewhat meaner way. Well, probably, but nobody could be on top of his nastiness all day. Not even him. "Can you also tell me which ingredients you need for a Intersaeptum Solution? Well, Potter?"
The annoying Know-it-all Granger girl shot her hand strait up into the air and began to wave frantically while Weasley at her side just rolled his eyes before glaring, but Harry just looked at him dead on, not flinching yet not glaring, as he recited the correct answer.
Snape blinked. Potter had ...learned?
"What a pleasant novelty, so you can read more than the newest articles on your fame", he finally said. His silken voice sounded like a purr but he knew that his words didn't hold much reassurance. Staring right into the beautiful green eyes, he felt himself tempted to tell the boy how much he favoured his mother inspite of the wild black hair and the ridiculous glasses.
Then he swept around, cursing himself for his foolishness.
No, life wasn't really fair to him these days, and it wasn't helping at all that Potter's eyes were unfairly, brilliantly and impossibly green. "Five points to Gryffindor", he finally heard himself saying quietly, just too aware of the incredulous looks that were shot into his back at this historical first.
He sneered. What did five points matter anyway - Longbottom would lose them within the next three minutes.
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Flashback 3:
He was standing with his back to the window as if he had spent the last hours staring outside when she stepped into his room. "Lily", he greeted her blandly.
She was tempted to approach him but the expression on his face held her back. "Severus", she whispered frightened. He had never looked at her like this, like she was some sort of disgusting insect invading his private space.
The boy's face was blank as he measured her coldly. "I think you got my letter", he said after a while, his voice still revealing nothing of his emotions. "I don't see any reason for you being here."
Lily blinked, startled by this sudden and unexpected reaction. "Well, what did you expect me to do?" she finally found her speech back, her voice strangely hoarse. "First you and Morrigan refuse to speak a single word to me for two days and then you tell me in a letter that you want to break up with me for good without any explanation. Did you actually expect me to accept this?"
For one moment he stared at her as though he could not believe his ears. Then he snorted loudly. "I thought you had enough common sense to comprehend but it seems that I have underestimated your Gryffindor stubbornness once more." His voice was colder than ice by now, his piercing black eyes narrowed. "You will never accept. And if it's the fate of all mankind, Lily Evans will fight it."
Refusing to cringe back at the cruelty of his tone, she balled her hands into fists. "I don't understand."
The corner of his mouth quirked into a pejorative smirk. "Oh, come on, Lily, you are a clever girl, it's not that hard." He laughed derisively. "I am a Slytherin, you are a Gryffindor, I am pure-blood and you, if you forgive me my rudeness, are nothing but a Mudblood. Let's face reality for one, it would never work with us, so I decided stop this childish charade as long as there is still time to do so."
She felt like she'd been slapped in the face. Staring at the boy she had thought to know completey, her mouth halfway opened in shock. "You can't mean that," she whispered as she tried to calm his pounding heart. "Severus, you cannot mean that."
He closed his eyes and turned back to the window. "I do."
For one eternal seeming moment, she stared at his back, feeling how her body began to shiver violently.
"Why won't you just tell me why you're doing this, Severus?" she finally asked, trying to sound as casually as possible. "I understand Morrigan's need to sulk but you...you almost behave as though you had stopped..." Her voice stopped abruptly as she couldn't bring herself to finish her sentence. Her knuckles were white, her fist rigidly clenched. "Sev?"
He did not answer.
"Is it because of...him?" she prompted, desperately trying to find a rational explanation for his coldness. "Is the Dark Lord somehow the reason for all this?"
He still didn't answer.
"Then say that you don't love me." Her words came out quiet and hurt. "Say it and I swear I'll never bother you again."
For a brief moment Severus froze, his back still facing Lily. She felt her fists trembling violently as she recalled the night she had lost her virginity to him, their naked bodies fitting perfectly together, his hands hesitant and trembling as though he feared to hurt her somehow, as though she was something inconceivably precious to him. He had made her feel so safe, so secure, so loved. It could not have been a lie. It simply could not...
He finally turned to her with a serene, unemotional face. "I don't love you", he said simply.
Lily slowly became aware of her fingernails digging into the soft skin of her palms. For one moment she felt as if her heart had just stopped beating, as though she was not really there, not really alive, but disconnected and out of time and any place. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but closed it again nearly instantly. Allowing the sight to imprint itself on her brain, she finally turned away from these cold black eyes. Her fists had stopped to tremble. No, she would not say anything. There would be no shouting, crying or pleading. No pathetic scene.
Feeling the muscles in her neck and back tighten as she walked sedately out of his dungeons, the stairs seemed to wobble under her feet, and for a moment she thought she would faint. Then she began to run, not caring that she might drew Filch´s or Miss Norris's attention on her with her loud steps or that she did not even know in which direction she was heading. All that mattered now was that she got out, out and away. Away from these cold eyes, away from the icy voice, away, away, simply away. Several times she tripped and went flying, only to catch herself on her hands and find herself running again. ´Don't think´, she told herself. ´Don't think now, just get out of here...´
Suddenly she collided with a wand of muscles. "Lily?" she heard a surprised voice calling out her name.
"Who..." And suddenly James Potter's head appeared in the air above her.
She cringed away two steps, staring bewildered at the shock of wild black hair before her, then she remembered.
Invisibility cloak.
Severus endlessly lamenting on this.
Severus.
A sob was trying to force its way out of her throat, but she hold it back. No tears. No pathetic scene.
"Is everything okay with you?" James asked hesitantly, obviously slightly uncomfortable with the situation. Not that she could not understand this regarding the way she must been looking with the rumbled robe, the blood on her hands and her body trembling violently. Like Ophelia before she went into the water after being rejected by Hamlet.
The thought nearly made her laugh hysterically.
"I'm fine", she finally managed to whisper after a moment.
"Obviously", he deadpanned, his honest hazel eyes now displaying open worry. So warm eyes, it crossed her mind. So different from Severus´s. The mere thought made her heart ache in pain. "You can tell me, you know", she heard Potter say after a while, his voice strangely hoarse. "Anything, I mean. I would listen."
She didn't answer.
"Did...did you have a fight with Snape?"
She looked up quickly at him and he nodded. "I see."
"Oh, do you?" she asked bitterly. "I doubt that, James. I doubt that you can understand anything about me and Severus and I doubt that you even want to."
James seemed embarrassed by this cold response. "But I do", he replied, his eyes slightly hurt, but softening again as he saw her desperate expression. Tenderly he reached out to push a strand of her glowing red hair back behind her ears, his thumb, callused from all the years of Quidditch training already, resting on her cheek for one moment. "See, Lily, it might not mean much to you, but I...I care."
This was the final push, this bit of unconditional kindness from a boy she had ignored ever since she had first laid her eyes upon him, what broke the last barriers of human control that had kept her rational and able to function. She dissolved into tears without regard for shame or appearance and collapsed against his chest.
For one moment, she felt James stiffen, then he wrapped his arms protectively around her waist. "It's okay", she heard him whisper against her hair. "Hey, Lily, it's okay."
`No`, she thought. `Nothing's okay. Nothing´s okay at all.´
But it felt so good to lie still in his arms, to have him hold her, to have somebody care for her that she did not speak these words aloud.
In all her sorrow mildly surprised about herself, she closed her eyes as she cuddled herself tighter against him. Perhaps, she thought already very absentmindedly, perhaps even simple human warmth was something.
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Okay, this chapter is rather short but perhaps this will encourage people to read it to the end and to review (my hopes never die as you can see here). The next chapter will not contain any flashbacks but concentrate on the relationship between Snape, Harry and Morrigan. I just could not resist this one here...^^
Isidra - Hab ich schon erwähnt, dass ich mich immer wie ein kleines Kind über deine reviews freue?! Ganz ehrlich!!
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Snape looked idly out at the rows of students before him, all working - for the
time being anyway - silently. He fingered the root in his hand absently, one more time wondering what on earth had given Albus that pathetic idea of bringing the houses nearer together with joint lessons. As far as he could see, the only result of this idiocy was that Potter's faithful sidekick-in-crime, also known as Ron Weasley, and Lucius´s offspring would surely loose control over their brain-scattered selves one day and finish each other off. Not that it would be a great loss to the world, but who would have to bear the guilt for the two dead students in his dungeons? Him. Like always. Life really wasn´t fair.
Which made him think of the bane of his existence, who was right now working together with the incompetent Longbottom boy in front of him.
As usual, his thin lips curled into a sneer when his gaze met Lily's son. Sometimes Snape didn't know his feelings on the boy. He would sell his soul a second time to have him out of this school and on the same time he would die to protect him. For someone as dependent of control and rationalism as him, this turmoil of emotions the insufferable boy caused in him was simply unbearable - and all because of a pair of green eyes.
As if he had felt the weight of his stare, Potter suddenly looked up and stared at him with precisely these pure, clear and luminous eyes that he remembered so very well for they had been the eyes that sustained him once. For one moment they tried to stare each other down, then the boy looked away, frowning.
Snape's eyes narrowed. Something about Potter was different. Downright unfair as he had been to him in his time here at Hogwarts, there had also always been a core to Harry's resentment that was not of his own creation, a suspicion based on nothing more than the first glance that had passed between them. True, he had not hesitate to fuel it generously, but he had always known that he had not given it birth and could therefore not erase it even if he wished to. It had always there between them, every time when the boy's eyes flashed in defiance or when he botched some perfectly simple task in his class so spectacularly that the Potions Master would have judged it as wilful failure if he had not known where the boy had inherited this lack of talent from. But ever since this evening at Morrigan's two weeks ago, something about this familiar loathing had changed; something in the green eyes had become doubting and in his confusion, the boy resembled his mother like never before.
Snape forced his eyes away from Potter. As much as he hated to admit it, it had become hard to detest the brat after seeing the longing, yet heart-wrenching hopeless expression on his face when Morrigan had embraced him with her usual stupid spontaneity. So much pain. He wondered who else has ever been given such a glimpse of Gryffindor´s Golden Boy. He wondered if their was a boy beyond the scar after all.
Irritated at the course his thoughts had taken, he stood up abruptly. "Potions", he explained, not really expecting any of the ignorant children in front of him to understand. "You all know that they only work with the infusion of inherent magic, but the process is just that: a process; a series of precise steps that lead from one thing to another. Logic, potions is just about logic."
As he swept around, Longbottom gave a frightened squeak and dropped the Dragon Liver he was working with onto the floor, leaving a big, green splotch on the stone.
Snape almost smiled in satisfaction. Nothing worked quite as good to calm his nerves as taking points from the walking catastrophe area.
"Well, but it seems that even logic fails when it comes to the utter incompetence of Mr. Longbottom", he continued nastily. "I must admit that the consequence of his lacking talent sometimes nearly impresses me. Of course", he made a dramatic pause. "this does not free him from cleaning up the classroom this afternoon in his spare times. Or from the ten points he had lost Gryffindor with his foolishness."
While the Gryffindors tried to kill him with their glaring, most of his kids began to laugh, the loudest of course Draco Malfoy.
Snape's eyes lingered on the silver-haired boy with disgust for one short instant. Foolish boy. All of Lucius´s cruelty and charm, nothing of his subtlety. If not for the fact that his father would certainly show up in his dungeons if he ran out of control before this brat graduated, he would...Again he snorted, much to the discomfort of his students, who all made themselves a little smaller behind their desks, obviously trying to avoid his attention.
The obvious fear this reaction displayed suddenly made him thought of Lily again. She had never been afraid of him, not even in his darkest moods. He remembered how she had laughed at his gloominess once at school; he hadn't minded, if only because her laugh had not been mocking, but light and beautiful. *Honestly, Sev, the world wouldn't end if you dropped the intimidation act every once in a while.* Her comment had left him without words, but her delightful laugh had eased its way to his heart. He would have done everything for her just then. And then James came and all he had to do was his bloody cheerful self to change his Lily into a giggling stranger...
His eyes landed on Harry again, and narrowed at the sight. "Potter!" he sneered, deciding to let his frustrations out on his favourite victim. It had always worked well in the past, after all. "After your neighbour has already proven himself incompetent of keeping his ingredients on the table, let us see if the last hour was a waste of my time or if you actually managed to do something that might be of use."
The boy looked up and again Severus had to stare right into those brilliant green eyes which were the exact copies of his mother's eyes; eyes of a colour that surpassed even the finest emeralds.
He felt himself stiffen, as he suddenly recalled how Lily had come to him two days after the ritual -after two days of dreadful silence. He still remembered how painfully conscious he had been of her presence, of her perfume, of her red hair glowing in the shadows, of the rumpled black robe, of all of her and everything that had happened between them...
Forcing his thoughts back, he passed Potter without a second glance at him to look into the cauldron. To his surprise, everything was just like it should. Well...
The green eyes were staring at him questioningly, questioningly and impossibly green.
"Not totally bad", he heard him saying after a short moment of silence. He thought for one moment if he could have said this in a somewhat meaner way. Well, probably, but nobody could be on top of his nastiness all day. Not even him. "Can you also tell me which ingredients you need for a Intersaeptum Solution? Well, Potter?"
The annoying Know-it-all Granger girl shot her hand strait up into the air and began to wave frantically while Weasley at her side just rolled his eyes before glaring, but Harry just looked at him dead on, not flinching yet not glaring, as he recited the correct answer.
Snape blinked. Potter had ...learned?
"What a pleasant novelty, so you can read more than the newest articles on your fame", he finally said. His silken voice sounded like a purr but he knew that his words didn't hold much reassurance. Staring right into the beautiful green eyes, he felt himself tempted to tell the boy how much he favoured his mother inspite of the wild black hair and the ridiculous glasses.
Then he swept around, cursing himself for his foolishness.
No, life wasn't really fair to him these days, and it wasn't helping at all that Potter's eyes were unfairly, brilliantly and impossibly green. "Five points to Gryffindor", he finally heard himself saying quietly, just too aware of the incredulous looks that were shot into his back at this historical first.
He sneered. What did five points matter anyway - Longbottom would lose them within the next three minutes.
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Flashback 3:
He was standing with his back to the window as if he had spent the last hours staring outside when she stepped into his room. "Lily", he greeted her blandly.
She was tempted to approach him but the expression on his face held her back. "Severus", she whispered frightened. He had never looked at her like this, like she was some sort of disgusting insect invading his private space.
The boy's face was blank as he measured her coldly. "I think you got my letter", he said after a while, his voice still revealing nothing of his emotions. "I don't see any reason for you being here."
Lily blinked, startled by this sudden and unexpected reaction. "Well, what did you expect me to do?" she finally found her speech back, her voice strangely hoarse. "First you and Morrigan refuse to speak a single word to me for two days and then you tell me in a letter that you want to break up with me for good without any explanation. Did you actually expect me to accept this?"
For one moment he stared at her as though he could not believe his ears. Then he snorted loudly. "I thought you had enough common sense to comprehend but it seems that I have underestimated your Gryffindor stubbornness once more." His voice was colder than ice by now, his piercing black eyes narrowed. "You will never accept. And if it's the fate of all mankind, Lily Evans will fight it."
Refusing to cringe back at the cruelty of his tone, she balled her hands into fists. "I don't understand."
The corner of his mouth quirked into a pejorative smirk. "Oh, come on, Lily, you are a clever girl, it's not that hard." He laughed derisively. "I am a Slytherin, you are a Gryffindor, I am pure-blood and you, if you forgive me my rudeness, are nothing but a Mudblood. Let's face reality for one, it would never work with us, so I decided stop this childish charade as long as there is still time to do so."
She felt like she'd been slapped in the face. Staring at the boy she had thought to know completey, her mouth halfway opened in shock. "You can't mean that," she whispered as she tried to calm his pounding heart. "Severus, you cannot mean that."
He closed his eyes and turned back to the window. "I do."
For one eternal seeming moment, she stared at his back, feeling how her body began to shiver violently.
"Why won't you just tell me why you're doing this, Severus?" she finally asked, trying to sound as casually as possible. "I understand Morrigan's need to sulk but you...you almost behave as though you had stopped..." Her voice stopped abruptly as she couldn't bring herself to finish her sentence. Her knuckles were white, her fist rigidly clenched. "Sev?"
He did not answer.
"Is it because of...him?" she prompted, desperately trying to find a rational explanation for his coldness. "Is the Dark Lord somehow the reason for all this?"
He still didn't answer.
"Then say that you don't love me." Her words came out quiet and hurt. "Say it and I swear I'll never bother you again."
For a brief moment Severus froze, his back still facing Lily. She felt her fists trembling violently as she recalled the night she had lost her virginity to him, their naked bodies fitting perfectly together, his hands hesitant and trembling as though he feared to hurt her somehow, as though she was something inconceivably precious to him. He had made her feel so safe, so secure, so loved. It could not have been a lie. It simply could not...
He finally turned to her with a serene, unemotional face. "I don't love you", he said simply.
Lily slowly became aware of her fingernails digging into the soft skin of her palms. For one moment she felt as if her heart had just stopped beating, as though she was not really there, not really alive, but disconnected and out of time and any place. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but closed it again nearly instantly. Allowing the sight to imprint itself on her brain, she finally turned away from these cold black eyes. Her fists had stopped to tremble. No, she would not say anything. There would be no shouting, crying or pleading. No pathetic scene.
Feeling the muscles in her neck and back tighten as she walked sedately out of his dungeons, the stairs seemed to wobble under her feet, and for a moment she thought she would faint. Then she began to run, not caring that she might drew Filch´s or Miss Norris's attention on her with her loud steps or that she did not even know in which direction she was heading. All that mattered now was that she got out, out and away. Away from these cold eyes, away from the icy voice, away, away, simply away. Several times she tripped and went flying, only to catch herself on her hands and find herself running again. ´Don't think´, she told herself. ´Don't think now, just get out of here...´
Suddenly she collided with a wand of muscles. "Lily?" she heard a surprised voice calling out her name.
"Who..." And suddenly James Potter's head appeared in the air above her.
She cringed away two steps, staring bewildered at the shock of wild black hair before her, then she remembered.
Invisibility cloak.
Severus endlessly lamenting on this.
Severus.
A sob was trying to force its way out of her throat, but she hold it back. No tears. No pathetic scene.
"Is everything okay with you?" James asked hesitantly, obviously slightly uncomfortable with the situation. Not that she could not understand this regarding the way she must been looking with the rumbled robe, the blood on her hands and her body trembling violently. Like Ophelia before she went into the water after being rejected by Hamlet.
The thought nearly made her laugh hysterically.
"I'm fine", she finally managed to whisper after a moment.
"Obviously", he deadpanned, his honest hazel eyes now displaying open worry. So warm eyes, it crossed her mind. So different from Severus´s. The mere thought made her heart ache in pain. "You can tell me, you know", she heard Potter say after a while, his voice strangely hoarse. "Anything, I mean. I would listen."
She didn't answer.
"Did...did you have a fight with Snape?"
She looked up quickly at him and he nodded. "I see."
"Oh, do you?" she asked bitterly. "I doubt that, James. I doubt that you can understand anything about me and Severus and I doubt that you even want to."
James seemed embarrassed by this cold response. "But I do", he replied, his eyes slightly hurt, but softening again as he saw her desperate expression. Tenderly he reached out to push a strand of her glowing red hair back behind her ears, his thumb, callused from all the years of Quidditch training already, resting on her cheek for one moment. "See, Lily, it might not mean much to you, but I...I care."
This was the final push, this bit of unconditional kindness from a boy she had ignored ever since she had first laid her eyes upon him, what broke the last barriers of human control that had kept her rational and able to function. She dissolved into tears without regard for shame or appearance and collapsed against his chest.
For one moment, she felt James stiffen, then he wrapped his arms protectively around her waist. "It's okay", she heard him whisper against her hair. "Hey, Lily, it's okay."
`No`, she thought. `Nothing's okay. Nothing´s okay at all.´
But it felt so good to lie still in his arms, to have him hold her, to have somebody care for her that she did not speak these words aloud.
In all her sorrow mildly surprised about herself, she closed her eyes as she cuddled herself tighter against him. Perhaps, she thought already very absentmindedly, perhaps even simple human warmth was something.
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