A/N: Well this was written in the middle of a very boring Latin test so I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense. Oh and by the way, there is actually a doctor called Dr Achoo. He was a really evil registrar working in oncology a couple of years ago when the Sydney kids hospital was still called Prince of Wales kids hospital. Oh and by the way, the words written in italics were written by my friend. And by the way, has anyone else ever noticed that Viggo Mortensen's teeth are WAAAAAAAAAAAY too small for his mouth?!
Disclaimer: Judging by the fics I've written, it's probably just as well I don't own the fellowship.
"Ow, OW!!!" Aragorn pulled away. Arwen sighed.
"It's your tooth again, isn't it?'
Aragorn didn't reply.
"Aragorn, I told you to go to the dentist."
"But I don't wanna!" he whined.
"Aragorn….." she warned. He squirmed.
"No…….."
"ARAGORN, GO TO THE GOD DAMN DENTIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Suddenly Arwen seemed 7 metre tall.
"Eeek!"
Arwen glared at him. She was really scary sometimes.
"Ok, ok, I'll go!" Aragorn cowered in fear.
Aragorn trudged slowly through the drizzling rain towards the dentist. Damn Arwen making him go all the damn way to the damn dentist just to get his damn tooth fixed. Hey, he could just pretend he went! Aragorn shook his head. No. It'd never work. She would find out. And then she'd never- well, let's just say that certain aspects of his life would suffer. For a very long time. Damn elves with their great memories. He sighed and walked into the dentist's office.
Aargh! His eyes! He was blinded by the harsh lights. He took a step forward and he crashed into a chair.
"OW!!" He jumped back, rubbing his shin. And immediately crashed into a wall. He let out a long string of curses. He then somehow managed to stagger towards the front desk.
"Name?" a bored secretary asked. Aragorn looked at her, dazed. He mumbled some incomprehensible words.
The secretary nodded.
"Ok Mr I'm a piece of a paper eat me. Dr Achoo will see you now."
Aragorn walked into the room. It was completely dark, with only a small light focused on a small, white chair in the middle of room. Suddenly, Aragorn felt very, very afraid. He shrank back against the wall and stood there, terrified and whimpering. A tall, pale man walked out of the shadows.
"Don't worry," the man reassured. "Everything will be ooooookaaaaay."
Aragorn slowly crept away from the wall.
"Come along now, my child," the man said. "Come and sit in my chair."
Aragorn slowly walked over and sat in the chair.
"Hi, I'm Dr Achoo," the man said, snapping on a pair of gloves.
"Open wide," he instructed. He picked up a prodder (A/n: ok I don't know much about dentistry, so this instrument will be known as a prodder. You know, those little sticks with the little hook thing in the end?) Hand started to poke it around in Aragorn's mouth. He poked around for a couple of minutes, then looked at Aragorn sternly.
"How often do you brush your teeth?!"
"6 times a day," Aragorn said proudly.
"DON'T LIE TO ME!!!!!!"
Aragorn cowered. Why was everyone always so mean to him?!
"HOW OFTEN DO YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH?!" Dr Achoo interrogated.
"3 times a day," Aragorn whispered.
"ONLY THREE TIMES A DAY?!" Dr Achoo scolded. "You deserve this pain." He shoved a drill into Aragorn's mouth.
"OW!"
The pain was excruciating and Aragorn felt tears come to his eyes.
"Ow!! Ahh!!"
"SHUT UP!!!" yelled the mean Dr Achoo as he drilled deeper into Aragorn's mouth. Aragorn thought his last thoughts – that he would always love Arwen, that Elrond looks deformed and that Sam is too fat. He was getting up to his will, who he would give his sword to, when the door banged open. Dr Achoo turned away and greeted the door-opener. Aragorn lay gasping for air. The pain was gone!! He lay there for a couple of minutes. What the hell was taking Dr Achoo so long?! He was getting bored! Tra la la la la…..
Dr Achoo finally finished talking and turned back to Aragorn.
"I'm sorry about that distraction," he said kindly. "Now, where were we? Oh yeah." He looked into Aragorn's mouth again. Suddenly he seemed a lot nicer.
"Oh no." he looked at Aragorn. "I'm afraid you are going to need braces."
Aragorn was shocked! He was going to need braces?! But his teeth were perfect! Dr Achoo began poking in his mouth again. "That's why your teeth have been so sore. You see, many of your teeth have been growing crookedly and are now grinding against each other, which is causing the pain. Your jaw is also too big for your teeth, so that will need to be fixed as well."
He began sticking things onto Aragorn's teeth.
About half an hour later, he finally finished.
"Now Aragorn, what colour would you like your braces to be?"
"Orange and green," Aragorn said happily.
"There you go."
Dr Achoo handed Aragorn a mirror. Aragorn looked at himself contently. Teehee! His teeth were orange and green! Wait till Arwen sees them!
* * * * *
Arwen! I've been to the dentist and I got braces!"
Arwen came out of the door and greeted Aragorn.
"Hello, dear Aragorn! Let me see your braces!"
He opened his mouth wide and showed her the green and orange teeth. Arwen practically swooned.
"Oh, they look so lovely!"
She kissed Aragorn passionately.
2 minutes later…………………
"Ow! My tongue! MY TONGUE!!"
A/N: Yeah well, how'd u like that lovely little story. And I can't believe I forced my precious Aragorn into having braces! Trust me, they're horrible! Well, I guess that's how insane Latin exams can send u!
P.S. Who wants o join my "Lets kill Arwen!" group/crusade? Any takers??