PeRFecT
Chapter 19/20
` 'QUisTy? wHeRe aRe YoU? QuiSTy? QuIsssSSsSsstyyyyyYyyyYyyyy '. . . .
'Quisty? Come.'
Her consciousness stood in the wasteland of her mind.
It was her own micro-cosmic dystopia.
'Come'
The surface of the earth was that type of dry, cracking, dusty clay that gave off hollow resonation when one tread upon it's back. She walked, and her footsteps resounded through the barren landscape, bouncing off the boulders and the ground itself. As she made her way through the plains, she carefully avoided the fully desiccated, desert weed corpses that littered the terrain- psyche symbolism was a sketchy topic, and thrust her into a precarious position. She didn't know if the dead weeds were part of a metaphor or not, but she decided not to chance it since her mental stability was already questionable.
She walked.
A gray lighthouse materialized against the horizon before her. She stepped thrice and found herself on its steps. She tentatively reached out and pulled the handle
'Quisty. . .'
Inside, the limestone steps were broad and winding and the long-gathering dust looked like gray grout in the stone crevices. There was the smell and taste of dust in the air, but nothing more- no indication of life or death. Only memories. . .forgotten memories. . .
'Come, please, Quisty. . .'
She moved through the ascending corridor like a phantom- her every step was graceful, soundless and deliberate. The steps were less dusty the higher she climbed.
She rounded the last coil.
'Quisty. . .'
She found herself on a beach.
The dust was sand, and it was soft and grainy. The water was vast and formed most of the panorama. Her mind's sky was silver and charcoal and the ripples were chrome in a army green ocean. There were no gulls- only a host of fat old ravens, croaking as if it were time for the second coming. But above that din rose a tune- a song of nonscense and nostalgia, full of personal history, though forgotten and ravaged by the bitter maw of time.
"There is a girl with eyes full of rainbows She sings a song that welcomes the sparrows She has a smile that would melt any snow cap She'll be my girl, someday I'll be her chap."
It stopped.
"Quisty."
The childish voice practically smacked her across the face and she glanced to the sandy beach beside her to find a boy.
He was a small boy-five or six years old-with dark, red-brown hair and healthy, golden skin. His cherubic mouth was pert, but frowning, and his large, purple eyes were full of silver tears that trickled lovingly down his flushed cheeks.
"Quisty-"
She couldn't speak-couldn't move and could barely breathe. He was pure sorrow and despair and she was unable to offer any assistance.
"She tells me she loves me, that I'm her good boy, but we both know she's a witch and wants ta eat me alive. . ."
She blinked. He continued.
"She can't hear us here- not all the way down here. I keep the present she gave me down here in my head. You keep everythin' I want you to remember locked in this lighthouse. . ."
'Irvine. . .'
"I knew you'd come for me- you promised. . ." His unnatural eyes burned holes through her psyche's psyche. She'd never noticed how truly unusual and mystical they were.
'I promised?'
"Sure took ya long enough. . ." The little boy stood up and looked her over. He held out his miniature hand. . . "Shall we?"
"Shall we what? Irvine!"
"Shall we find your memories?" His statement was simple and, somehow, brutally painful.
"Wh. . .what?"
"I don't think you know how much you're hurtin' me. .." The cherubic waif continued, turning his haunting violet eyes to his quavering fingers then to the green ocean. "I. . .have a hard time believing any promises you make, because you've already broken so many. . ." His words were not those of a five year old child, nor was the inflection- it was a reflection of a very old soul.
"Irvine, what memories? What promises. . .? Tell me. . ." She fell to the ground before him, sitting on her haunches with her hands on his shoulders, staring into his large, celestial orbs. But he shook his little head.
"Quisty- I AM a memory. . .I'm not the keeper. . .You just hide me here because you love me. . .even in amnesia you feel it. "
"Irvine. . ." She caressed the side of his dust-smudged face. The marine air leapt around them, uplifting sand and oceanic perfume from the coast. He leaned forward and kissed her with chaste, rosebud lips.
"Come with me. . ." He whispered, putting his tender hand in her grasp. Wordlessly, she followed her guide.
From the beach they pursued a stone-stair path up to a dilapidated shack. Little Irvine's excitement was quiet but ever-present. . .Just like her cadet. The smell of blueberry pancakes and homemade sausages wafted through the air. It was so familiar. . .
"It should be- this is your mind. . ." Irvine quipped and pushed open the decrepit, wooden door.
"Where are we, Irvine?" She asked, in awe.
"I don't know- where are we, Quistis?" He returned patiently with a little condescension. She was too beleaguered to be ruffled by the tone the five year old had appropriated.
"The orphanage. . ." She whispered as she stepped into the homey, wooden shack.
"Yes."
Suddenly, the scene sprang to life. Noise and voices and vivacity all overcame the drabness of the shadowy room. A fire leapt in the crude, stone fireplace and two children sat at the hearth, burning marshmallows in the flame. The little girl- a tiny slip of a thing with short, honey-brown hair and massive emerald eyes- pulled the charred mess from her stick and went about getting the white gelatin all over her face and in her hair. Her male partner, stoked by her glee, pulled his own from the fire quickly, only to lose it to the dusty floor. He immediately began to cry.
"He always cried. . ." Little Irvine whispered. "'specially when you weren't around. You were like his surrogate mother. . ."
On cue, a six year old Quistis emerged from the adjacent room- flesh and details fully realized. She immediately sat beside the blond boy and stroked his hair. She sang a little nonsense song and he brightened quickly. As little Quistis sang, the marshmallow covered brunette tried desperately to complete a hand-stand, but wound up on her bony buttocks, giggling, instead. The melancholic boy laughed and the girls' had completed their self-assigned mission.
"He was always so sensitive- Selphie and I took it upon ourselves to take care of him. . ." She whispered. "It was annoying, but it made me feel so important. I never needed to depend on anyone- but I always need someone to depend on me. . ."
"you depend on You. . ." Irvine whispered and motioned to the child Quistis, who started over to greet them. "But You do not depend on you. . ."
Quistis stared at her lover's former self then at her own, who kissed Irvine shyly on the cheek and took his free hand.
"I don't understand. . ."
"I need you. . ." Child Quistis whispered with adult-inflected enunciation. "But you live without me. . ."
"I. . ." Quistis began, but broke off helplessly as Irvine gently removed himself from their grasps and put their hands together. He sat with the other two children and warmed a marshmallow for the child who had been crying, while harmlessly flirting with the brunette. She watched him.
"Is he more important than me?"
"N. . .no." Quistis turned her attention back to her miniature doppelganger, whose arms were crossed in true Trepeian fashion.
"Then look at me."
She did.
"Why don't you want me?"
"I don't understand. . ." Quistis replied. . .
"You leave me here to rot and fester!" The little girl's voice broke into a shrill wail. "Why can't we be together? Everything would be fine if we were together! You let HER in here, and she is hurting me, but you won't acknowledge me! I existed!"
"C. . .calm down. . ." Quistis tried to take the child in her arms, but she would not be comforted.
"Acknowledge me! I need you! Why don't you need me?" The child screamed and covered her ears. A chorus of wails joined in- from the two children at the hearth, and from other voices throughout the orphanage. Quistis glanced helplessly around the room for Irvine- for her guide. He had vanished. The children began to move to her- their tiny arms clawing at and grappling her being. She didn't want to hurt them!
"Stay away from me!" She screamed, pushing the little brunette girl out of her way. "I don't understand! What do you want from me?"
Quistis flew from the den and into a connecting room. The boys bedroom- she remembered.
And on the ground, pounding the hell out of each other, were Seifer Almasy and Squall Leonhart. They stopped fighting and turned to her.
"Will you acknowledge US, Quistis?" Little Squall asked simply.
"Why are we here, Instructor? Nice prison. . ." Seifer sneered. "Baby matron. . ."
"Baby matron. . ."Squall echoed, his childish voice distant and monotone.
She ran from the room. . . .
. . .and found herself outside.
The stone steps were just as she remembered- the vines on the walls and the wild flowers in the overgrown garden were the same. The cobblestone steps were a perfect mental replica. As the wind blew through her hair, the faint scent of lilac whirled through the air.
"I'll take you back here-I promise- If you don't let her have me. If you don't give it to her. .."
An older girl- about nine- appeared on the steps. Her hair was dark and cut in a thick bob and her rags-for-clothes hung off her slender shoulders and swayed in the breeze.
"Sis. . ." Quistis whispered.
"It's frightening down here, Quistis. SHE is here now. . .your new power brought her. She's going to hurt us. . ."
"Who, sis? Who?" Quistis fell to her knees and shook the girl gently.
"Matron."
The voice was Irvine's. He stood five meters in front of them, on the cobblestone path, beside a beautiful, dark-haired woman, dressed in a ratty, charcoal frock. On her hands and knees she rested, her breath heaving with her long, shiny tresses covering her pale face.
"These are not yours, Quistis." Sis cut in, standing cautiously. "This is a by-product of raping the Guardian God. These images shouldn't be down here. . ."
Lightning shot through the obscurity of the overcast sky. Quistis and sis watched as the child helped matron to her feet. The young woman caressed the boy's cheek and hair and kissed his forehead.
"YoUr mAm. . .mATroN lOVeS yOu sO mUCh, pReCIouS iRvY. . .gIvE mE A hUG. . ."
The voice.
"She has penetrated. . .she is here. . ." Sis whispered.
"Who?" Quistis hissed, staring at 'matron' as she held onto little Irvine tightly. The woman's dark eyes met Quistis' own.
"lItTle QuiStY.. . .DiAdEm. . .YoUr pOwErS. . ."
The dark-haired woman glanced about the scene, then, grasping Irvine's little head, she snapped his neck.
The body fell to the ground.
"jUst tHe tHrEe oF uS. . .SoOn oNlY OnE. . ."
Dead. Eyes still open. The blood of an innocent child trickling from his nostril. Sis held onto Quistis' hand for dear life.
"sHaLl wE fiGhT fOr HeR, SoRcErESs bLuE? wHoRe ChIlD oF tHE ImMoRTal?" 'Matron' screamed into the sky.
Lightning thrashed violently in the mental sky. Screams were heard from inside the orphanage. 'matron' laughed maniacally.
"I'm wAitIng dIaDeM- aRe YoU gOinG to KLaIm heR foR yOuRsELf oR nOT?"
The wind picked up dramatically- twisters sprang up from the ground and tore through the fields, uprooting the beautiful yellow and blue wildflowers that made their home in that earth.
"She's hurting me." Little Quistis came to stand beside her future self. "Make her stop. Kill her. . ."
"She's too powerful. . ."Sis whispered. "She's going to have us all. . ." She was interrupted by a scream.
"Irvine!"
"Quistis, stay here!"
Little Quistis paid no heed- she ran to her dead companion- dead brother, dead lover, innocent bystander and cataclysmic catalyst- and threw herself atop his lifeless body.
"You are not matron!" She screamed at the woman, whose cackles rang through the darkening sky. "You are not. . ."
'Matron' picked up little Quistis by the neck and held her to the sky. Flashbacks of Vigil's attack on Irvine appeared before the elder Quistis' eyes. She couldn't move- paralysis kicked in once more.
"YoU aRe sTilL weAk- WeAkEr tHaN mE. SoOn- I-only I- wIlL bE tHe AlpHa aNd tHe OmEgA- tHe OnlY rEmNaNt Of tHe TriUnE. It wIlL bE mE. QuIsTis iS tHe lAsT oF yOuR lIne- aNd sHe iS mInE. YoU hAve fAilEd. tHeY wIlL fAiL. hE iS mIne-NoT yOuRs. AnD nOw- yOuR cHiLd wIlL bE sAKRifIceD for My GodhOoD. . ."
Quistis couldn't move. Sis shivered against her. Her child-self screamed in pain as 'matron's' hand began to crush her throat.
"Wouldn't it be nice if the two sorceresses just killed each other off?"
A fully mature Irvine stood at her side, arms crossed. He took her hand and smiled painfully.
"Don't worry- I'll wake you up."
The child's strangled wails rang through the air.
"One, two, three." '
. . .Quistis woke up.
It was a foreign bed in a foreign room, but, nonetheless, she was alive and real.
Quistis caught her breath. .. then sighed merrily.
She subtly caressed the white, linen sheets and fingered the downy duvet. She touched her own cheek and head- her hair was loose and felt greasy. But that felt good. The room was well lit with natural light. 'Daytime, apparently. I wonder how long I was out this time? I have to stop getting knocked out or I could lose my job. . .'
She tried to get up but her weary body refused to pull away from the snuggly nest. Craning her neck a bit, she noticed a large wall mirror in her view. She almost choked. 'Hyne, I look like death. . .'
Quickly averting her eyes from her ashen face and dull eyes, she studied the room via it's reflection.
It was simple. White and taupe and gold. Classy. Two beds, one desk and a couch pulled up against the window. The shutters had been tossed open and a delicate, mid-summer breeze fluttered through the chamber. She caught a movement in the corner of her eye and followed the shadow along the wall until she found the figure.
Quistis choked in excitement and bliss.
He was alive. Irvine was alive.
Very much so, too. Save for a hand-shaped, purple bruise on his neck, he was immaculate. She watched him with the awe reserved for love-sick fools as he sat on the divan and peered out the window. Reaching her hand out slowly, she touched his reflection, forgetting that it was just a cold illusion. No voyeuristic thrill rippled through her body as she watched her naïve cadet- she just wanted to reacquaint herself with his uncontaminated essence. It was like watching him sleep. . .but without the frigidity.
He was deep in thought- chin propped up on his fist. Consternation and confusion marred his generally smooth brow, and his lips were contorted into a soft frown. It was uncharacteristic of him and made him look very mature; though he always had appeared older than his actual age. He'd loosened his hair from it's binding and it ran softly down his back and cheek, shining and curling here and there. No cowboy hat or duster. No Cadet jacket- just the cotton tank worn underneath- he looked so strange. As if the character-filled, pigeon-holing accessories altered his very aura. Without them, he was more beautiful to her than ever.
'Almost inhuman. . .like his costumes cover it up. . .Hyne I love him. . .and I'm insane. I wonder if he thinks about me like this. . .'
In a fluid motion, he rose and approached her, his eyes never leaving her form. Those haunted, hunted eyes. The same as her dream.
'Just a dream. . .please oh hyne. . .I don't understand that. I only understand this. . .'
Quistis closed her eyes and sighed as he stopped at her bedside. One nimble hand came down to stroke her cheek.
"Quisty-girl- c'mon, sweetheart, I. . ."
He was interrupted by a swift knock on the door. Quistis felt him pull away and heard the door open and shut and familiar footsteps against the floor. She opened her eyes and watched.
"Commander." Irvine stood for his commanding officer, but refused to meet her eye. He stared off into space.
"At ease, cadet." Xu replied, coolly. Irvine fell on the couch and went back to window-watching. Quistis could see Xu shuffle uncomfortably.
"How's Quistis? Any changes in her condition?"
"She sighed a few minutes ago. And coughed 'bout fifteen minutes or so after you left last time. That's it." Irvine's tone was lackluster and forlorn. "I'll make sure ta tell ya if she wakes up. . ."
"Thank you, Kinneas." Xu coughed politely and glanced over in Quistis' general direction. Quistis was shocked to see how tired and worn her friend looked- Xu's eyes were bloodshot and puffy. She'd been crying. Xu. . .the one-named field commander of the greatest army in the world. . . was mourning something.
"If you have time, Kin. . .Irvine- I was wondering if you and Seifer could help Wynston load up the caravan- He needs to get back to Galbadia as soon as possible."
"Of course, commander." Irvine murmured dully.
"Also, if you can manage. . ."
"Sure. Whatever it is, I'll do it. . ." He interrupted her with a wave of his hand. Xu stopped and sighed.
"N. ..no. Don't worry about it, Irvine. I'll do it. You stay here and report to me if Quistis wakes up." Xu was shaken and shaking. She made her way over to the door, her feet practically dragging, and put her hand to the doorknob. She rested there for a second.
"Gods, you love her, don't you?" She pronounced, sounding exasperated. Whirling around, she turned her gold-green eyes on the auburn-haired cadet
"yes."
"But how do you know that?" She seethed, clenching her fists. "How do you know? What about the dozens of other girls you've been with- or the hundreds who have, at one point in their lives, been attracted to your larger-than-life charms. How do you know it's Quistis?"
"I don't." he replied simply. "I just know that it isn't anyone else. No one else could be my Quistis. That's it. Nothin' comes close ta her. No one else makes me feel like this. No one. Never. . ."
" Are you willing to unmake the universe for this 'feelin'', Kinneas?" Xu hollered, forcing herself into his personal space. He met her fiery gaze.
"I don't know what I'm doin', Xu. I don't know anythin' 'bout the universe- only my own path. I just do whatever I'm meant ta do. . ."
In a searing rage, Xu withdrew her sword and slapped it against Irvine's purple neck. Speechless, Quistis lifted her head and vainly tried to force her body into locomotion. But Xu calmed quickly and pulled the stiletto from the cadet's throat. Neither had noticed Quistis- both were too busy with their stand-off. Their eyes were locked and both jaws were clenched. Xu held onto Irvine's shirt desperately and her face was filled with wonderment and discernment. She studied his eyes and nodded, then gently kissed his open mouth.
'Holy mother of Hyne! What the hell?!?!?'
Xu closed her eyes and embraced Irvine for another moment. His eyes were closed as well, but he remained passive, though yielding. He was a soft statue.
The Balamb commander pulled away and pushed the cadet's hair behind his ear.
"What was that for?" Irvine asked.
"I needed a reason." Xu replied simply.
"for?"
"To let you live. To protect you. I've always wanted to be a hero, Irvine, and you. . .well, supposedly the world would be better off without you. Vigil tried to kill you and any other GF that is released will try to do so at his command. . well, would have. No matter how good you are as a person, you are dangerous. I really. . ." She trailed off and glanced at her sword. "I really should kill you. But. . .the way you love. .. the way you love her and life and. . .I can't. I'll protect you and aid you. Matron swore this to your father and I'll take up that vow. Protect Quistis and I'll protect you as well. I'm. . .going to see Lukan. Tell me when she wakes up." Sheathing her sword, Xu made for the door.
"Xu- wait!" Irvine jumped to his feet. Xu turned around slowly and smiled. Irvine's body reflected a powerlessness. " Did you know my. . ."
"Y'know. . ." She cut in, looking him up and down. "I could never see him in you. But now. . .Hyne, do you ever look like him. . .No wonder she wants you. . .fuck, I want you." She grinned. "But only because you're not comatose. . ."
"Thanks Xu."
"Wake up Trepe, Kinneas. Prince kiss princess sorta shit. And remember to help Wynston. . ."
"I will." He spoke as the commander exited the room. He came up behind Quistis and curled up against her back, pulling the duvet over the both of them. The blonde instructor took this opportunity to turn around and kiss Irvine's nose.
"Quisty!" His face lit up. She giggled.
"Irvy! You're alive!" Throwing her arms around his strong neck she smothered his face in kisses.
"I'm a. . ? Well, sure I am! And you too!" He laughed and met her mouth with his own. She kissed him dry and breathless, then broke away.
"You scared the hell out of me, Irvine Kinneas!" She pinched his arm, then smothered him again. He didn't even have time to utter an 'ouch'. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her fiercely and let her kiss his wet cheeks. He chuckled a bit out of relief and joy.
"Hyne, Quistis. I love you. . ." He whispered. "For awhile there, I didn't think that. . ."
"Shhh. . ."Quistis hushed him. "Don't say it. Just don't say anything. Let me gaze and stare and worship in peace. As much as I love it, don't open that clever mouth. . ." He kissed her chastely, then passionately, and they lay together for hours in stillness, deifying each other. The silence was exquisite.
'No unnerving. . .' she thought silently as Irvine traced her jaw and neck with his index finger as he gently suckled her earlobe. 'where is she? Where's the voice? Where are you?'
There was no answer.
"Quistis, is somethin' wrong?" Sometimes Irvine picked up on her mood changes too quickly. He looked her in the eye.
"No- sorry. I. . .was just remember the nightmare I had. I didn't mean to. . ."
"Honey, it's okay. Nothin' ta be embarrassed about.. . .Do you wanna talk about it?"
"I. . ." She wasn't sure if she did or not. It was just a stupid dream. . .or something.
What if it wasn't?
"Quistis?" Irvine was generally concerned
"Hey hey! Knock knock, cowboy. I'm comin' in. .."
Irvine jumped out of the bed just as Seifer strolled onto the scene.
"Hi Seif." Irvine uttered, casually. Seifer, in turn, gave him a hostile look.
" Good morning, Instructor." He turned to Quistis, who made sure to cover herself to the neck. She didn't feel comfortable with Seifer's eyes on her body. "Another miraculous recovery for everyone's favorite teacher. . ."
"What do you want Seifer?" Quistis snapped, a little frustrated. Seifer looked appalled.
"Hey- I saved your life last night. Give me a little credit. Anyway, I'm just here for Kinneas. Xu's making us load Wynston's caravan."
"Wynston. . .did he get that key back?" She asked. Seifer nodded.
"Yeah, I found it in the grass where you guys were all passed out. Shit- it's a good thing we decided to come lookin' for you, 'cause the wolves were starting to maul Kinneas. I, of course, dealt with him last. . ."
"Yeah, thanks Seif, really appreciate it." Irvine replied ironically. Seifer snickered.
"Anything for you, 'brudda'." He sneered. "Now let's go- you can play 'hookie' later. I'm not doing this shit myself. . ."
"Alright, alright." Irvine waved it off. He glanced at Quistis.
"Are you going to be alright, Instructor Trepe?"
'Hyne, I hate it when he has to do that. . .Kinky in a wrong way. . .'
"I'll be fine, Irvine. I think I'll go visit Xu. Do either of you know where she is?"
"Room seventeen, just down the hall." Irvine replied.
"Thanks."
They mouthed more romantic goodbyes and the two cadets pushed each other into the halls.
Quistis cleaned herself up- she looked like the Deling express had run it's course right over her face; she looked like a train wreck. Her muscles were sore, but she forced herself into the bathtub and turned on the shower. It was damned hot.
'So bloody good.' She mentally moaned. The high pressure water turned her pale skin red and the thick rivulets ran down her thighs and in between her breasts, caressing her skin like her cadet's silky touch. Her body was so sore that she couldn't even reach down to fondle herself and fantasize. She could last a little longer, though.
After toweling and dressing she found her way to Xu's room. And found herself nervous.
'What the hell? What is wrong with me? It's just Xu- I've known her for years. Just because she tried to kill me after I tried to kill her lover who was trying to kill my boyfriend doesn't mean there should be any animosity between us. She's basically my best friend, so I should just get it all out in the open so we can deal with. . .'
"Come in, Quistis. The door's unlocked."
'Damn Xu and her psychic GF. . .'
Quistis entered.
The rooms were identical, save the people in them. Xu sat on the taupe window sofa, her hands clenching and unclenching in her lap. Quistis padded over to her and took the seat to her right.
"How are you, Quistis? Do you feel alright?"
"I'm okay, Xu. Thanks." She tried to smile, but it came out pitifully weak.
"Did Almasy and Kinneas take off to help Wynston?"
"Yes. They left about fifteen minutes ago." Quistis answered. Xu grunted.
". . ."
They sat in awkward silence. Quistis didn't know what to say, and Xu just didn't seem to care. The tension was sick and overwhelming. . .
"Xu. . ." Quistis just had to let it out. " I don't know what to say. . ."
"Then say nothing." Xu uttered simply. "I don't WANT to talk about it. What happened last night. . ." She shook her head. "It was near death for all of us- though said deaths were brought on by a strange and twisted circle of circumstances. Really- the only one who can remain blameless is Kinneas, though-truthfully- he was, unknowingly, the instigation."
"Samah was powerless to stop Vigil- and he really did need to be summoned. We would've all been dead. . ." Quistis sighed. "Though, truth be told, I will not be disappointed if I never see Vigil again. I doubt anything more malevolent could exist. . ." She shuddered. Xu raised an eyebrow.
"Vigil isn't evil- he just doesn't abide by human rules of morality. And we can't expect him to- he's immortal and nearly all powerful. He isn't evil. Humans are evil. Adel was evil. And there exists evil in the world even more potent than Adel. . ." Xu stood and rubbed her arms. "But I can't talk about this anymore, Quistis, okay? Let's just let it alone. I. . .don't hate you. I don't blame you. I blame myself. I knew more than you. That's all there is too it. It's my fault Irvine almost died. It's my fault Vigil was freed. And it's my fault you killed Lukan. I killed him. . .I did it."
Quistis was stunned.
"N. . .no. Lukan's . . ."
"Dead." Xu cried out and slammed her palms into her forehead. "Yes. . .No. . practically, I suppose." Xu articulated bitterly. "He's very comatose and he'll never come out."
"Hyne, no. . ."
"Fuck Hyne, Quistis. Yes, he is, and that's not the worst of it. . ." Xu marched over to the bed. Quistis hadn't even noticed the body- the sheets were pulled up above the head. The younger woman came to stand beside her comrade. Grasping the sheets, Xu pulled them down to Lukan's waist. His face had been wiped clean of life- no expression, only icy rigidity. The martial artist's olive skin was sheet-white. But that wasn't what Xu was concerned with.
"The bat wings- Lukan is still transformed into Vigil!" Quistis exclaimed, studying the leathery appendages.
"No, worse- when you stole his power, Vigil started to go back into junction mode, but he lost too much strength so he slipped into Lukan's mind to get the energy he needed to fight you. But at that same moment, you overwhelmed the host and he fell into this coma." Xu choked down a well- crafted sob. "Lukan is trapped inside of there with that monster. And it's feeding off his life to sate itself."
The commander broke down.
Quistis watched as all of Xu's defenses crumbled and left her exposed. Xu's beautiful, pale face revealed the volumes of pain and grief. Xu wept for her love for and fear of Lukan Samah, as well as her love of and fear for him. Xu had always loved him- since they were children, adolescents and fresh-faced, green cadets. The mighty commander had been against love- wasn't even able to love her own parents. But she loved this man who lay deadly still in a foreign bed, in a foreign town, with a foreign parasite killing him from the inside. Xu wept for the fact that the times she had said 'I hate you, Samah' outweighed the moments she'd confessed 'I love you, Lukan', ninety-four to one. She'd declared her love once, and denied it a dozen times since then.
Quistis held her best friend- the one that was usually the rock and pillar. Quistis cried too- Lukan had been so good to her and always so kind and so quirky. So quiet and so sensitive and so strong. So much.
"We'll get him back, Xu. We'll get him to a good Doctor- Doctor Odine, maybe he can help. . ."
"I need to get him back, Quistis." Xu whispered. "I'm. . .just not strong enough to understand the world without him. He was so wise- I'm all fire and whirlwind and action. I need him. . .I do."
"It's allowed, Xu." Quistis murmured into her friend's ear. "And he deserves it. He's always loved you. . ."
"He has. . ." Xu whispered. "Since we were five years old. . .I cursed the day I met him, and he marked it. He. . .was always a dreamer." She laughed bitterly. "He used to tell me that he wished there was an extra hour in the day set aside for conscious dreaming. Now. . ." She glanced at him. "He's not conscious. . .but he has all the time in the world to dream. . ." She let loose a strain of choked sobs. Quistis rubbed her back and listened to her friends hiccupping gulps.
"Quistis. . .?"
"Hmmm?"
"Do you hear that ringing?" Both women bolted up.
"Yeah- PHS. . .Is it yours?"
"No. . ."Xu replied, sniffling and wiping her face. "It's not yours?"
"I don't have one. . ."
Xu froze for a moment and listened. It definitely was a cell phone.
"It's Lukan's. Can you get it? It's in his jacket pocket, over there on the back of the chair."
Quistis fumbled through the pockets and pulled out the phone, getting the last ring before the answering service kicked in.
"Captain Samah's PHS- Lieutenant Trepe speaking."
"Instructor Trepe? Hi! Where's Instructor Samah?"
"He's. . .unavailable at this moment."
"Ask who it is." Xu interrupted, clearing her groggy throat.
"Who is it?" Quistis asked bluntly.
"Who? Oh, It's Astrid, Instructor Trepe."
"Astrid? Honey, what is it? This is an important mission and you really shouldn't be disturbing Captain Samah during assignments. . ."
"No, Instructor Trepe, this is really important!" The little girl's voice went up in pitch and became frantic. "I'm calling for Instructor Botchaskya."
"Why can't Evana call us herself, Astrid?"
"What the hell is going on?" Xu demanded. "Is that a cadet? Can I please have the phone, Quistis?"
Quistis handed the PHS to Xu, who suddenly regained her clear voice and commanding persona.
"Cadet Astrid? This is Field Commander Xu. . .Yes. . . What is the meaning of this. . .uh huh. . yes. . . go on. . . and. . .yes. . I. . .fuck. . ." Xu became enraged and nearly threw the phone at the wall. "Yes. . .alright. . .we'll be back as soon as possible. Yes. . .alright . . thank you Cadet Lorenz. Yes." Xu flipped the phone and stuffed it in her pocket. Suddenly, the commander whirled around and kicked a hole through the painted drywall. She ran her hands through her hair and sat on the couch with her hands to her temples.
"Xu?"
"We have to get back to Galbadia." Xu stood, wincing.
"Why?"
"Deling arrested five Galbadian SeeDs on accounts of fraud and espionage last night."
"That's why Caraway and Deling were there yesterday. ..Shit. . ."
"No- 'shit' is Evana Botchaskya being arrested for anti-government conspiracy and terrorism."
'?!?!'
"What?!?!? No." Quistis stated firmly. "There is no way- she was in the Galbadian army! She's been a teacher for fifteen years! She's. .."
"Evana's an Estharian spy, Quistis. And Galbadia wants to hang her." Flipping open the PHS, Xu dialed a number. "Go get the troops together, Quistis." She put the phone to her ear. "Frying pan into fire,eh? Fuck, I think this whole god-damned thing is overcooked. . .".
A.N: Okay! Sorry about the delay- no computer for three weeks. Arrggg! Sorry for lying. But I will get this done fast. Four chappies left I think- chappie 22 is gonna be naughty, so beware. Anyway- R and R. I lurve y'all. Take care.
A.A.N: Oh. . .you boys can start hitting on me again- I broke up with Squall-look-a-like, so I need someone to entertain me. . .*bats eyelashes* I don't bite. . .anywhere publicly noticeable, that is. Tee hee.Ta ta!
Chapter 19/20
` 'QUisTy? wHeRe aRe YoU? QuiSTy? QuIsssSSsSsstyyyyyYyyyYyyyy '. . . .
'Quisty? Come.'
Her consciousness stood in the wasteland of her mind.
It was her own micro-cosmic dystopia.
'Come'
The surface of the earth was that type of dry, cracking, dusty clay that gave off hollow resonation when one tread upon it's back. She walked, and her footsteps resounded through the barren landscape, bouncing off the boulders and the ground itself. As she made her way through the plains, she carefully avoided the fully desiccated, desert weed corpses that littered the terrain- psyche symbolism was a sketchy topic, and thrust her into a precarious position. She didn't know if the dead weeds were part of a metaphor or not, but she decided not to chance it since her mental stability was already questionable.
She walked.
A gray lighthouse materialized against the horizon before her. She stepped thrice and found herself on its steps. She tentatively reached out and pulled the handle
'Quisty. . .'
Inside, the limestone steps were broad and winding and the long-gathering dust looked like gray grout in the stone crevices. There was the smell and taste of dust in the air, but nothing more- no indication of life or death. Only memories. . .forgotten memories. . .
'Come, please, Quisty. . .'
She moved through the ascending corridor like a phantom- her every step was graceful, soundless and deliberate. The steps were less dusty the higher she climbed.
She rounded the last coil.
'Quisty. . .'
She found herself on a beach.
The dust was sand, and it was soft and grainy. The water was vast and formed most of the panorama. Her mind's sky was silver and charcoal and the ripples were chrome in a army green ocean. There were no gulls- only a host of fat old ravens, croaking as if it were time for the second coming. But above that din rose a tune- a song of nonscense and nostalgia, full of personal history, though forgotten and ravaged by the bitter maw of time.
"There is a girl with eyes full of rainbows She sings a song that welcomes the sparrows She has a smile that would melt any snow cap She'll be my girl, someday I'll be her chap."
It stopped.
"Quisty."
The childish voice practically smacked her across the face and she glanced to the sandy beach beside her to find a boy.
He was a small boy-five or six years old-with dark, red-brown hair and healthy, golden skin. His cherubic mouth was pert, but frowning, and his large, purple eyes were full of silver tears that trickled lovingly down his flushed cheeks.
"Quisty-"
She couldn't speak-couldn't move and could barely breathe. He was pure sorrow and despair and she was unable to offer any assistance.
"She tells me she loves me, that I'm her good boy, but we both know she's a witch and wants ta eat me alive. . ."
She blinked. He continued.
"She can't hear us here- not all the way down here. I keep the present she gave me down here in my head. You keep everythin' I want you to remember locked in this lighthouse. . ."
'Irvine. . .'
"I knew you'd come for me- you promised. . ." His unnatural eyes burned holes through her psyche's psyche. She'd never noticed how truly unusual and mystical they were.
'I promised?'
"Sure took ya long enough. . ." The little boy stood up and looked her over. He held out his miniature hand. . . "Shall we?"
"Shall we what? Irvine!"
"Shall we find your memories?" His statement was simple and, somehow, brutally painful.
"Wh. . .what?"
"I don't think you know how much you're hurtin' me. .." The cherubic waif continued, turning his haunting violet eyes to his quavering fingers then to the green ocean. "I. . .have a hard time believing any promises you make, because you've already broken so many. . ." His words were not those of a five year old child, nor was the inflection- it was a reflection of a very old soul.
"Irvine, what memories? What promises. . .? Tell me. . ." She fell to the ground before him, sitting on her haunches with her hands on his shoulders, staring into his large, celestial orbs. But he shook his little head.
"Quisty- I AM a memory. . .I'm not the keeper. . .You just hide me here because you love me. . .even in amnesia you feel it. "
"Irvine. . ." She caressed the side of his dust-smudged face. The marine air leapt around them, uplifting sand and oceanic perfume from the coast. He leaned forward and kissed her with chaste, rosebud lips.
"Come with me. . ." He whispered, putting his tender hand in her grasp. Wordlessly, she followed her guide.
From the beach they pursued a stone-stair path up to a dilapidated shack. Little Irvine's excitement was quiet but ever-present. . .Just like her cadet. The smell of blueberry pancakes and homemade sausages wafted through the air. It was so familiar. . .
"It should be- this is your mind. . ." Irvine quipped and pushed open the decrepit, wooden door.
"Where are we, Irvine?" She asked, in awe.
"I don't know- where are we, Quistis?" He returned patiently with a little condescension. She was too beleaguered to be ruffled by the tone the five year old had appropriated.
"The orphanage. . ." She whispered as she stepped into the homey, wooden shack.
"Yes."
Suddenly, the scene sprang to life. Noise and voices and vivacity all overcame the drabness of the shadowy room. A fire leapt in the crude, stone fireplace and two children sat at the hearth, burning marshmallows in the flame. The little girl- a tiny slip of a thing with short, honey-brown hair and massive emerald eyes- pulled the charred mess from her stick and went about getting the white gelatin all over her face and in her hair. Her male partner, stoked by her glee, pulled his own from the fire quickly, only to lose it to the dusty floor. He immediately began to cry.
"He always cried. . ." Little Irvine whispered. "'specially when you weren't around. You were like his surrogate mother. . ."
On cue, a six year old Quistis emerged from the adjacent room- flesh and details fully realized. She immediately sat beside the blond boy and stroked his hair. She sang a little nonsense song and he brightened quickly. As little Quistis sang, the marshmallow covered brunette tried desperately to complete a hand-stand, but wound up on her bony buttocks, giggling, instead. The melancholic boy laughed and the girls' had completed their self-assigned mission.
"He was always so sensitive- Selphie and I took it upon ourselves to take care of him. . ." She whispered. "It was annoying, but it made me feel so important. I never needed to depend on anyone- but I always need someone to depend on me. . ."
"you depend on You. . ." Irvine whispered and motioned to the child Quistis, who started over to greet them. "But You do not depend on you. . ."
Quistis stared at her lover's former self then at her own, who kissed Irvine shyly on the cheek and took his free hand.
"I don't understand. . ."
"I need you. . ." Child Quistis whispered with adult-inflected enunciation. "But you live without me. . ."
"I. . ." Quistis began, but broke off helplessly as Irvine gently removed himself from their grasps and put their hands together. He sat with the other two children and warmed a marshmallow for the child who had been crying, while harmlessly flirting with the brunette. She watched him.
"Is he more important than me?"
"N. . .no." Quistis turned her attention back to her miniature doppelganger, whose arms were crossed in true Trepeian fashion.
"Then look at me."
She did.
"Why don't you want me?"
"I don't understand. . ." Quistis replied. . .
"You leave me here to rot and fester!" The little girl's voice broke into a shrill wail. "Why can't we be together? Everything would be fine if we were together! You let HER in here, and she is hurting me, but you won't acknowledge me! I existed!"
"C. . .calm down. . ." Quistis tried to take the child in her arms, but she would not be comforted.
"Acknowledge me! I need you! Why don't you need me?" The child screamed and covered her ears. A chorus of wails joined in- from the two children at the hearth, and from other voices throughout the orphanage. Quistis glanced helplessly around the room for Irvine- for her guide. He had vanished. The children began to move to her- their tiny arms clawing at and grappling her being. She didn't want to hurt them!
"Stay away from me!" She screamed, pushing the little brunette girl out of her way. "I don't understand! What do you want from me?"
Quistis flew from the den and into a connecting room. The boys bedroom- she remembered.
And on the ground, pounding the hell out of each other, were Seifer Almasy and Squall Leonhart. They stopped fighting and turned to her.
"Will you acknowledge US, Quistis?" Little Squall asked simply.
"Why are we here, Instructor? Nice prison. . ." Seifer sneered. "Baby matron. . ."
"Baby matron. . ."Squall echoed, his childish voice distant and monotone.
She ran from the room. . . .
. . .and found herself outside.
The stone steps were just as she remembered- the vines on the walls and the wild flowers in the overgrown garden were the same. The cobblestone steps were a perfect mental replica. As the wind blew through her hair, the faint scent of lilac whirled through the air.
"I'll take you back here-I promise- If you don't let her have me. If you don't give it to her. .."
An older girl- about nine- appeared on the steps. Her hair was dark and cut in a thick bob and her rags-for-clothes hung off her slender shoulders and swayed in the breeze.
"Sis. . ." Quistis whispered.
"It's frightening down here, Quistis. SHE is here now. . .your new power brought her. She's going to hurt us. . ."
"Who, sis? Who?" Quistis fell to her knees and shook the girl gently.
"Matron."
The voice was Irvine's. He stood five meters in front of them, on the cobblestone path, beside a beautiful, dark-haired woman, dressed in a ratty, charcoal frock. On her hands and knees she rested, her breath heaving with her long, shiny tresses covering her pale face.
"These are not yours, Quistis." Sis cut in, standing cautiously. "This is a by-product of raping the Guardian God. These images shouldn't be down here. . ."
Lightning shot through the obscurity of the overcast sky. Quistis and sis watched as the child helped matron to her feet. The young woman caressed the boy's cheek and hair and kissed his forehead.
"YoUr mAm. . .mATroN lOVeS yOu sO mUCh, pReCIouS iRvY. . .gIvE mE A hUG. . ."
The voice.
"She has penetrated. . .she is here. . ." Sis whispered.
"Who?" Quistis hissed, staring at 'matron' as she held onto little Irvine tightly. The woman's dark eyes met Quistis' own.
"lItTle QuiStY.. . .DiAdEm. . .YoUr pOwErS. . ."
The dark-haired woman glanced about the scene, then, grasping Irvine's little head, she snapped his neck.
The body fell to the ground.
"jUst tHe tHrEe oF uS. . .SoOn oNlY OnE. . ."
Dead. Eyes still open. The blood of an innocent child trickling from his nostril. Sis held onto Quistis' hand for dear life.
"sHaLl wE fiGhT fOr HeR, SoRcErESs bLuE? wHoRe ChIlD oF tHE ImMoRTal?" 'Matron' screamed into the sky.
Lightning thrashed violently in the mental sky. Screams were heard from inside the orphanage. 'matron' laughed maniacally.
"I'm wAitIng dIaDeM- aRe YoU gOinG to KLaIm heR foR yOuRsELf oR nOT?"
The wind picked up dramatically- twisters sprang up from the ground and tore through the fields, uprooting the beautiful yellow and blue wildflowers that made their home in that earth.
"She's hurting me." Little Quistis came to stand beside her future self. "Make her stop. Kill her. . ."
"She's too powerful. . ."Sis whispered. "She's going to have us all. . ." She was interrupted by a scream.
"Irvine!"
"Quistis, stay here!"
Little Quistis paid no heed- she ran to her dead companion- dead brother, dead lover, innocent bystander and cataclysmic catalyst- and threw herself atop his lifeless body.
"You are not matron!" She screamed at the woman, whose cackles rang through the darkening sky. "You are not. . ."
'Matron' picked up little Quistis by the neck and held her to the sky. Flashbacks of Vigil's attack on Irvine appeared before the elder Quistis' eyes. She couldn't move- paralysis kicked in once more.
"YoU aRe sTilL weAk- WeAkEr tHaN mE. SoOn- I-only I- wIlL bE tHe AlpHa aNd tHe OmEgA- tHe OnlY rEmNaNt Of tHe TriUnE. It wIlL bE mE. QuIsTis iS tHe lAsT oF yOuR lIne- aNd sHe iS mInE. YoU hAve fAilEd. tHeY wIlL fAiL. hE iS mIne-NoT yOuRs. AnD nOw- yOuR cHiLd wIlL bE sAKRifIceD for My GodhOoD. . ."
Quistis couldn't move. Sis shivered against her. Her child-self screamed in pain as 'matron's' hand began to crush her throat.
"Wouldn't it be nice if the two sorceresses just killed each other off?"
A fully mature Irvine stood at her side, arms crossed. He took her hand and smiled painfully.
"Don't worry- I'll wake you up."
The child's strangled wails rang through the air.
"One, two, three." '
. . .Quistis woke up.
It was a foreign bed in a foreign room, but, nonetheless, she was alive and real.
Quistis caught her breath. .. then sighed merrily.
She subtly caressed the white, linen sheets and fingered the downy duvet. She touched her own cheek and head- her hair was loose and felt greasy. But that felt good. The room was well lit with natural light. 'Daytime, apparently. I wonder how long I was out this time? I have to stop getting knocked out or I could lose my job. . .'
She tried to get up but her weary body refused to pull away from the snuggly nest. Craning her neck a bit, she noticed a large wall mirror in her view. She almost choked. 'Hyne, I look like death. . .'
Quickly averting her eyes from her ashen face and dull eyes, she studied the room via it's reflection.
It was simple. White and taupe and gold. Classy. Two beds, one desk and a couch pulled up against the window. The shutters had been tossed open and a delicate, mid-summer breeze fluttered through the chamber. She caught a movement in the corner of her eye and followed the shadow along the wall until she found the figure.
Quistis choked in excitement and bliss.
He was alive. Irvine was alive.
Very much so, too. Save for a hand-shaped, purple bruise on his neck, he was immaculate. She watched him with the awe reserved for love-sick fools as he sat on the divan and peered out the window. Reaching her hand out slowly, she touched his reflection, forgetting that it was just a cold illusion. No voyeuristic thrill rippled through her body as she watched her naïve cadet- she just wanted to reacquaint herself with his uncontaminated essence. It was like watching him sleep. . .but without the frigidity.
He was deep in thought- chin propped up on his fist. Consternation and confusion marred his generally smooth brow, and his lips were contorted into a soft frown. It was uncharacteristic of him and made him look very mature; though he always had appeared older than his actual age. He'd loosened his hair from it's binding and it ran softly down his back and cheek, shining and curling here and there. No cowboy hat or duster. No Cadet jacket- just the cotton tank worn underneath- he looked so strange. As if the character-filled, pigeon-holing accessories altered his very aura. Without them, he was more beautiful to her than ever.
'Almost inhuman. . .like his costumes cover it up. . .Hyne I love him. . .and I'm insane. I wonder if he thinks about me like this. . .'
In a fluid motion, he rose and approached her, his eyes never leaving her form. Those haunted, hunted eyes. The same as her dream.
'Just a dream. . .please oh hyne. . .I don't understand that. I only understand this. . .'
Quistis closed her eyes and sighed as he stopped at her bedside. One nimble hand came down to stroke her cheek.
"Quisty-girl- c'mon, sweetheart, I. . ."
He was interrupted by a swift knock on the door. Quistis felt him pull away and heard the door open and shut and familiar footsteps against the floor. She opened her eyes and watched.
"Commander." Irvine stood for his commanding officer, but refused to meet her eye. He stared off into space.
"At ease, cadet." Xu replied, coolly. Irvine fell on the couch and went back to window-watching. Quistis could see Xu shuffle uncomfortably.
"How's Quistis? Any changes in her condition?"
"She sighed a few minutes ago. And coughed 'bout fifteen minutes or so after you left last time. That's it." Irvine's tone was lackluster and forlorn. "I'll make sure ta tell ya if she wakes up. . ."
"Thank you, Kinneas." Xu coughed politely and glanced over in Quistis' general direction. Quistis was shocked to see how tired and worn her friend looked- Xu's eyes were bloodshot and puffy. She'd been crying. Xu. . .the one-named field commander of the greatest army in the world. . . was mourning something.
"If you have time, Kin. . .Irvine- I was wondering if you and Seifer could help Wynston load up the caravan- He needs to get back to Galbadia as soon as possible."
"Of course, commander." Irvine murmured dully.
"Also, if you can manage. . ."
"Sure. Whatever it is, I'll do it. . ." He interrupted her with a wave of his hand. Xu stopped and sighed.
"N. ..no. Don't worry about it, Irvine. I'll do it. You stay here and report to me if Quistis wakes up." Xu was shaken and shaking. She made her way over to the door, her feet practically dragging, and put her hand to the doorknob. She rested there for a second.
"Gods, you love her, don't you?" She pronounced, sounding exasperated. Whirling around, she turned her gold-green eyes on the auburn-haired cadet
"yes."
"But how do you know that?" She seethed, clenching her fists. "How do you know? What about the dozens of other girls you've been with- or the hundreds who have, at one point in their lives, been attracted to your larger-than-life charms. How do you know it's Quistis?"
"I don't." he replied simply. "I just know that it isn't anyone else. No one else could be my Quistis. That's it. Nothin' comes close ta her. No one else makes me feel like this. No one. Never. . ."
" Are you willing to unmake the universe for this 'feelin'', Kinneas?" Xu hollered, forcing herself into his personal space. He met her fiery gaze.
"I don't know what I'm doin', Xu. I don't know anythin' 'bout the universe- only my own path. I just do whatever I'm meant ta do. . ."
In a searing rage, Xu withdrew her sword and slapped it against Irvine's purple neck. Speechless, Quistis lifted her head and vainly tried to force her body into locomotion. But Xu calmed quickly and pulled the stiletto from the cadet's throat. Neither had noticed Quistis- both were too busy with their stand-off. Their eyes were locked and both jaws were clenched. Xu held onto Irvine's shirt desperately and her face was filled with wonderment and discernment. She studied his eyes and nodded, then gently kissed his open mouth.
'Holy mother of Hyne! What the hell?!?!?'
Xu closed her eyes and embraced Irvine for another moment. His eyes were closed as well, but he remained passive, though yielding. He was a soft statue.
The Balamb commander pulled away and pushed the cadet's hair behind his ear.
"What was that for?" Irvine asked.
"I needed a reason." Xu replied simply.
"for?"
"To let you live. To protect you. I've always wanted to be a hero, Irvine, and you. . .well, supposedly the world would be better off without you. Vigil tried to kill you and any other GF that is released will try to do so at his command. . well, would have. No matter how good you are as a person, you are dangerous. I really. . ." She trailed off and glanced at her sword. "I really should kill you. But. . .the way you love. .. the way you love her and life and. . .I can't. I'll protect you and aid you. Matron swore this to your father and I'll take up that vow. Protect Quistis and I'll protect you as well. I'm. . .going to see Lukan. Tell me when she wakes up." Sheathing her sword, Xu made for the door.
"Xu- wait!" Irvine jumped to his feet. Xu turned around slowly and smiled. Irvine's body reflected a powerlessness. " Did you know my. . ."
"Y'know. . ." She cut in, looking him up and down. "I could never see him in you. But now. . .Hyne, do you ever look like him. . .No wonder she wants you. . .fuck, I want you." She grinned. "But only because you're not comatose. . ."
"Thanks Xu."
"Wake up Trepe, Kinneas. Prince kiss princess sorta shit. And remember to help Wynston. . ."
"I will." He spoke as the commander exited the room. He came up behind Quistis and curled up against her back, pulling the duvet over the both of them. The blonde instructor took this opportunity to turn around and kiss Irvine's nose.
"Quisty!" His face lit up. She giggled.
"Irvy! You're alive!" Throwing her arms around his strong neck she smothered his face in kisses.
"I'm a. . ? Well, sure I am! And you too!" He laughed and met her mouth with his own. She kissed him dry and breathless, then broke away.
"You scared the hell out of me, Irvine Kinneas!" She pinched his arm, then smothered him again. He didn't even have time to utter an 'ouch'. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her fiercely and let her kiss his wet cheeks. He chuckled a bit out of relief and joy.
"Hyne, Quistis. I love you. . ." He whispered. "For awhile there, I didn't think that. . ."
"Shhh. . ."Quistis hushed him. "Don't say it. Just don't say anything. Let me gaze and stare and worship in peace. As much as I love it, don't open that clever mouth. . ." He kissed her chastely, then passionately, and they lay together for hours in stillness, deifying each other. The silence was exquisite.
'No unnerving. . .' she thought silently as Irvine traced her jaw and neck with his index finger as he gently suckled her earlobe. 'where is she? Where's the voice? Where are you?'
There was no answer.
"Quistis, is somethin' wrong?" Sometimes Irvine picked up on her mood changes too quickly. He looked her in the eye.
"No- sorry. I. . .was just remember the nightmare I had. I didn't mean to. . ."
"Honey, it's okay. Nothin' ta be embarrassed about.. . .Do you wanna talk about it?"
"I. . ." She wasn't sure if she did or not. It was just a stupid dream. . .or something.
What if it wasn't?
"Quistis?" Irvine was generally concerned
"Hey hey! Knock knock, cowboy. I'm comin' in. .."
Irvine jumped out of the bed just as Seifer strolled onto the scene.
"Hi Seif." Irvine uttered, casually. Seifer, in turn, gave him a hostile look.
" Good morning, Instructor." He turned to Quistis, who made sure to cover herself to the neck. She didn't feel comfortable with Seifer's eyes on her body. "Another miraculous recovery for everyone's favorite teacher. . ."
"What do you want Seifer?" Quistis snapped, a little frustrated. Seifer looked appalled.
"Hey- I saved your life last night. Give me a little credit. Anyway, I'm just here for Kinneas. Xu's making us load Wynston's caravan."
"Wynston. . .did he get that key back?" She asked. Seifer nodded.
"Yeah, I found it in the grass where you guys were all passed out. Shit- it's a good thing we decided to come lookin' for you, 'cause the wolves were starting to maul Kinneas. I, of course, dealt with him last. . ."
"Yeah, thanks Seif, really appreciate it." Irvine replied ironically. Seifer snickered.
"Anything for you, 'brudda'." He sneered. "Now let's go- you can play 'hookie' later. I'm not doing this shit myself. . ."
"Alright, alright." Irvine waved it off. He glanced at Quistis.
"Are you going to be alright, Instructor Trepe?"
'Hyne, I hate it when he has to do that. . .Kinky in a wrong way. . .'
"I'll be fine, Irvine. I think I'll go visit Xu. Do either of you know where she is?"
"Room seventeen, just down the hall." Irvine replied.
"Thanks."
They mouthed more romantic goodbyes and the two cadets pushed each other into the halls.
Quistis cleaned herself up- she looked like the Deling express had run it's course right over her face; she looked like a train wreck. Her muscles were sore, but she forced herself into the bathtub and turned on the shower. It was damned hot.
'So bloody good.' She mentally moaned. The high pressure water turned her pale skin red and the thick rivulets ran down her thighs and in between her breasts, caressing her skin like her cadet's silky touch. Her body was so sore that she couldn't even reach down to fondle herself and fantasize. She could last a little longer, though.
After toweling and dressing she found her way to Xu's room. And found herself nervous.
'What the hell? What is wrong with me? It's just Xu- I've known her for years. Just because she tried to kill me after I tried to kill her lover who was trying to kill my boyfriend doesn't mean there should be any animosity between us. She's basically my best friend, so I should just get it all out in the open so we can deal with. . .'
"Come in, Quistis. The door's unlocked."
'Damn Xu and her psychic GF. . .'
Quistis entered.
The rooms were identical, save the people in them. Xu sat on the taupe window sofa, her hands clenching and unclenching in her lap. Quistis padded over to her and took the seat to her right.
"How are you, Quistis? Do you feel alright?"
"I'm okay, Xu. Thanks." She tried to smile, but it came out pitifully weak.
"Did Almasy and Kinneas take off to help Wynston?"
"Yes. They left about fifteen minutes ago." Quistis answered. Xu grunted.
". . ."
They sat in awkward silence. Quistis didn't know what to say, and Xu just didn't seem to care. The tension was sick and overwhelming. . .
"Xu. . ." Quistis just had to let it out. " I don't know what to say. . ."
"Then say nothing." Xu uttered simply. "I don't WANT to talk about it. What happened last night. . ." She shook her head. "It was near death for all of us- though said deaths were brought on by a strange and twisted circle of circumstances. Really- the only one who can remain blameless is Kinneas, though-truthfully- he was, unknowingly, the instigation."
"Samah was powerless to stop Vigil- and he really did need to be summoned. We would've all been dead. . ." Quistis sighed. "Though, truth be told, I will not be disappointed if I never see Vigil again. I doubt anything more malevolent could exist. . ." She shuddered. Xu raised an eyebrow.
"Vigil isn't evil- he just doesn't abide by human rules of morality. And we can't expect him to- he's immortal and nearly all powerful. He isn't evil. Humans are evil. Adel was evil. And there exists evil in the world even more potent than Adel. . ." Xu stood and rubbed her arms. "But I can't talk about this anymore, Quistis, okay? Let's just let it alone. I. . .don't hate you. I don't blame you. I blame myself. I knew more than you. That's all there is too it. It's my fault Irvine almost died. It's my fault Vigil was freed. And it's my fault you killed Lukan. I killed him. . .I did it."
Quistis was stunned.
"N. . .no. Lukan's . . ."
"Dead." Xu cried out and slammed her palms into her forehead. "Yes. . .No. . practically, I suppose." Xu articulated bitterly. "He's very comatose and he'll never come out."
"Hyne, no. . ."
"Fuck Hyne, Quistis. Yes, he is, and that's not the worst of it. . ." Xu marched over to the bed. Quistis hadn't even noticed the body- the sheets were pulled up above the head. The younger woman came to stand beside her comrade. Grasping the sheets, Xu pulled them down to Lukan's waist. His face had been wiped clean of life- no expression, only icy rigidity. The martial artist's olive skin was sheet-white. But that wasn't what Xu was concerned with.
"The bat wings- Lukan is still transformed into Vigil!" Quistis exclaimed, studying the leathery appendages.
"No, worse- when you stole his power, Vigil started to go back into junction mode, but he lost too much strength so he slipped into Lukan's mind to get the energy he needed to fight you. But at that same moment, you overwhelmed the host and he fell into this coma." Xu choked down a well- crafted sob. "Lukan is trapped inside of there with that monster. And it's feeding off his life to sate itself."
The commander broke down.
Quistis watched as all of Xu's defenses crumbled and left her exposed. Xu's beautiful, pale face revealed the volumes of pain and grief. Xu wept for her love for and fear of Lukan Samah, as well as her love of and fear for him. Xu had always loved him- since they were children, adolescents and fresh-faced, green cadets. The mighty commander had been against love- wasn't even able to love her own parents. But she loved this man who lay deadly still in a foreign bed, in a foreign town, with a foreign parasite killing him from the inside. Xu wept for the fact that the times she had said 'I hate you, Samah' outweighed the moments she'd confessed 'I love you, Lukan', ninety-four to one. She'd declared her love once, and denied it a dozen times since then.
Quistis held her best friend- the one that was usually the rock and pillar. Quistis cried too- Lukan had been so good to her and always so kind and so quirky. So quiet and so sensitive and so strong. So much.
"We'll get him back, Xu. We'll get him to a good Doctor- Doctor Odine, maybe he can help. . ."
"I need to get him back, Quistis." Xu whispered. "I'm. . .just not strong enough to understand the world without him. He was so wise- I'm all fire and whirlwind and action. I need him. . .I do."
"It's allowed, Xu." Quistis murmured into her friend's ear. "And he deserves it. He's always loved you. . ."
"He has. . ." Xu whispered. "Since we were five years old. . .I cursed the day I met him, and he marked it. He. . .was always a dreamer." She laughed bitterly. "He used to tell me that he wished there was an extra hour in the day set aside for conscious dreaming. Now. . ." She glanced at him. "He's not conscious. . .but he has all the time in the world to dream. . ." She let loose a strain of choked sobs. Quistis rubbed her back and listened to her friends hiccupping gulps.
"Quistis. . .?"
"Hmmm?"
"Do you hear that ringing?" Both women bolted up.
"Yeah- PHS. . .Is it yours?"
"No. . ."Xu replied, sniffling and wiping her face. "It's not yours?"
"I don't have one. . ."
Xu froze for a moment and listened. It definitely was a cell phone.
"It's Lukan's. Can you get it? It's in his jacket pocket, over there on the back of the chair."
Quistis fumbled through the pockets and pulled out the phone, getting the last ring before the answering service kicked in.
"Captain Samah's PHS- Lieutenant Trepe speaking."
"Instructor Trepe? Hi! Where's Instructor Samah?"
"He's. . .unavailable at this moment."
"Ask who it is." Xu interrupted, clearing her groggy throat.
"Who is it?" Quistis asked bluntly.
"Who? Oh, It's Astrid, Instructor Trepe."
"Astrid? Honey, what is it? This is an important mission and you really shouldn't be disturbing Captain Samah during assignments. . ."
"No, Instructor Trepe, this is really important!" The little girl's voice went up in pitch and became frantic. "I'm calling for Instructor Botchaskya."
"Why can't Evana call us herself, Astrid?"
"What the hell is going on?" Xu demanded. "Is that a cadet? Can I please have the phone, Quistis?"
Quistis handed the PHS to Xu, who suddenly regained her clear voice and commanding persona.
"Cadet Astrid? This is Field Commander Xu. . .Yes. . . What is the meaning of this. . .uh huh. . yes. . . go on. . . and. . .yes. . I. . .fuck. . ." Xu became enraged and nearly threw the phone at the wall. "Yes. . .alright. . .we'll be back as soon as possible. Yes. . .alright . . thank you Cadet Lorenz. Yes." Xu flipped the phone and stuffed it in her pocket. Suddenly, the commander whirled around and kicked a hole through the painted drywall. She ran her hands through her hair and sat on the couch with her hands to her temples.
"Xu?"
"We have to get back to Galbadia." Xu stood, wincing.
"Why?"
"Deling arrested five Galbadian SeeDs on accounts of fraud and espionage last night."
"That's why Caraway and Deling were there yesterday. ..Shit. . ."
"No- 'shit' is Evana Botchaskya being arrested for anti-government conspiracy and terrorism."
'?!?!'
"What?!?!? No." Quistis stated firmly. "There is no way- she was in the Galbadian army! She's been a teacher for fifteen years! She's. .."
"Evana's an Estharian spy, Quistis. And Galbadia wants to hang her." Flipping open the PHS, Xu dialed a number. "Go get the troops together, Quistis." She put the phone to her ear. "Frying pan into fire,eh? Fuck, I think this whole god-damned thing is overcooked. . .".
A.N: Okay! Sorry about the delay- no computer for three weeks. Arrggg! Sorry for lying. But I will get this done fast. Four chappies left I think- chappie 22 is gonna be naughty, so beware. Anyway- R and R. I lurve y'all. Take care.
A.A.N: Oh. . .you boys can start hitting on me again- I broke up with Squall-look-a-like, so I need someone to entertain me. . .*bats eyelashes* I don't bite. . .anywhere publicly noticeable, that is. Tee hee.Ta ta!