The Fanfic that makes No Sense
Disclaimer-What-Cha-Ma-Call-It: No, no, no.. I don't own anything. not Squaresoft, or Chrono Cross (this is no crossover, do I make myself clear? GOOD!), or lord of the Rings, or FF7, or anything Monty Pythonish, or the socks that I am wearing! Beat that!! *grins evilly* Sue me.. I dare you, punks.. Try and sue me now..
Unknown Female Elf: *Clears throat elvishly* What here follows is the product of otherwise useless hours of our Introduction To Technology class, which (if you get our teacher) could double as Into To Philosophy. Our teacher is somewhat dimwitted and unobservant, so while a video about the many effects of pollution (tie that up with technology) drones on, those of us with any trace of further intelligence (that is Gaian Skylord and I) spend our time with things of more concern to our society today. Originally it started with passing notes to each other, but then I came up with the great idea of setting ourselves on an adventure into one of our favourite video games. We have only suffered one disagreement so far: While I was hoping for a half-decent plot, Gaian Skylord wished to make it completely random, weird, and downright confusing. Well *wince* here's our compromise . . . . .hope you enjoy it . . . .*cringe, uncringe, cringe, uncringe, cringe, uncringe, etc.*
Gaian Skylord: This Fanfic, as the elf said *hears elven complaints from back of the room but ignores them* was a product of the daily three-hundred- fifty-three minutes of madness and wasted youth as my friends, enemies and my grasp on reality and logic all spiraled downwards in a hellish vortex towards the mindless abyss of learning *twitches uncontrollably*.......... *It is easy enough to tell that I was not in my right mind while writing this... But you already KNEW that! *.
*THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING GOING ON SO FAR, SO READ CAREFULLY*
It begins after Nenya *one of my close friends and the Lord-of-the-Rings elf who introduced the story, who also won't except the fact that she is elvish*, Narya *that's the character (who also goes by the name of Dragon) that represents me, Gaian Skylord*, and their friend Vilya *another one of my good friends (She also goes by the name of Gryphon) who goes by the pen name Swift Gryfalcon (read her stuff! It's AMAZING!!!!!)* Finds themselves mysteriously transported into FF7. They found themselves in a barren wasteland, and were "picked up" by a Shinra search craft, because apparently there had been some chaotic blast nearby; the Shinra guards had been looking for survivors. But don't get me wrong: When I say "picked up" it's only my very polite way of saying "exchanged cuss words, death threats, kicks, punches, who knows what else, and more cuss words." To make a long story short, they didn't go quietly, and were barely on speaking terms with the Shinra guards by the time they were captured (well, the guards actually only captured Narya, but Nenya and Vilya couldn't abandon their friend). They are now stuck in one of the storage rooms on board, along with a shinra guard, who is currently being dissed out (yet again!) by Vilya.
*SO, A TALE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS COMMENCES.. WRITTEN ON A COMPUTER NOT SO FAR AWAY...*
*
Vilya: *to guard* Ha, ha. I could have so very easily outrun you, you blue, scummy-
*Is knocked out cold by grumpy Shinra guard*
Nenya: *runs over to Vilya, is checking life signs* Vilya?! Vilya, can you hear me? Are you all right??!
Vilya: *opens her eyes slowly* ugh. *precedes to remain silent*
Narya: *goes up to guard and proceeds (despite his guns) to beat him into a purple mess of (description)* This! *throws punch* And that! *Knees face* Ooh! and somma that! *I won't tell you where but the guard drops to the ground and screams "Mommy!!!" * Ha! *stands over kill proudly* that's what you get with a dragon, a griffin (gryphon) and an Elvishly reluctant Elf!! Ha, ha! *looks extremely triumphant*
Nenya: *has turned a hue comparable to that of extremely white paper and is pointing behind Narya* Um, maybe you should have been a bit quieter doing that . . .
*2 Shinra SOLDIERS walk into the room, tie up our heroes and threaten them heavily before tending to the purple mess which might have once before been a guard. One of them stays to watch the three (teens, I think . . .) which are still as defiant as ever.
SOLDIER: Now you little kids just sit quiet or else . . .*handles his blade as he stares at masses of rope in which are hidden our heroes*
Narya: Well! *defiant* guess what! You *mouth covered with black censored line*, you're a *More potty-mouthing* and you can't possibly deny it!!! You suck!! *grins proudly again.*
Vilya: *grumbles* you use very amateur fanity . . .
Nenya: ??!
Vilya: *Gryphonic and all-knowing* Well, she certainly wasn't using PROfanity, so she's using amateur fanity.
Narya: *smiles* Ah, well, it works!^_^
Nenya: * as the insulted and rather violent SOLDIER raises sword to get even with a certain someone* NO!! Um. . I apologize on my friend's behalf! *Narya scowls* Because . . .um. . It's just . .that *tries to think very quickly) She thinks that -um- Let's just say that we've heard these really bad rumors, and, uh-*is interrupted by Narya*
Narya: *big anime nerve pop while trying to shake fist* I AM NOT RELATED TO KUJA, Okay?! Who ever started that *more potty-mouthing* rumor will die by my hands!!
*Unnerving silence followed by many a chirping cricket*
Nenya: *shaky* I think she's had just a little too much coffee today-
Narya: *swinging head around madly* I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!! Ha! Ha Ha Ha *falls unconscious and snores* cookies . . .*snore*
Nenya: *shakier* At-at least I think it was coffee . . .I really don't know-
SOLDIER: *whisper* take the violent one into the testing facilities . . .
Narya: *wakes up* Wa? Who? *spots SOLDIERs* Hey what are you doing in my house?! Get The *Even MORE potty-mouthing* Hell out!!! RIGHT NOW!!!
*SOLDIER's shake heads and leave*
SOLDIER: *to the other one* as long as they're contained . . .
Narya: *Incredibly triumphant* That's better! Now!* looks at tangle of ropes* this looks like a "Cat's Cradle" gone horribly wrong . . . *thinks vaguely of the brat Marcy and her amazing ball of twine that grants the attacked somewhat questionable sanity*
Nenya: *nods vigorously* Un . . .hunh. D'ya wanna know what else went horribly wrong?
Narya: *looks at Elf's hair* your anime hairdo, Elf?
*The penny is dropping........ in, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1..-*
Nenya: *looks at hair, feels pointy ears* -Wh-what?! No!!!
Narya: I always knew the truth, but no one would believe me . . .no one . . .not even my goldfish would believe me . . .*twitch*
Nenya: *freaking out* this is not happening to me, this is a really bad dream. . I don't believe it! I really am an Elf ! This is gonna be difficult to explain to Shinra. . Maybe I'll just say I got my ears caught in an automatic rice picker . . .aaaagh! I don't wanna be an anime Elf!!! Noo!! *buries face in hands*
Narya: . . .no one . . .*twitch*
Nenya: *calming down* O.K.! It's okay . . .so I'm an Elf. So what? *laughs nervously* and we're stuck on a ship with people who wouldn't have a shred of remorse killing us, going somewhere unknown, but that's okay. Everything is okay, okay, okayokayokayokayAAGH! Everything's not okay!! *goes into fresh waves of hysterics* S'notokay, it'snotokay, it'snotokay *sits mumbling to self*
* The silence in the room is so deep that the guards come back to check that everything's alright.*
Shinra guard: *cautiously pokes in head, surveys scene* Is everything-
Narya: *eyes narrow*-yes! Se taire! Pleaze! Shut up!!
S-G: *shakes head at the random imitation of Chrono Cross's French jester but shuts up nonetheless*
Nenya: *feeling ears and ear points with the greatest of despair and denial* I'm. an.* Sob!*
S-G: *is so moved by the scene of a crying Elf that he begins to feel a shred of sympathy* Is she . . . All right?
Narya: *shoots guard a look as even more of her intelligence is slowly spontaneously combusted within the dark void of silence known as her mind* Does she look alright?! Hey, and who told you to open your trap! *fiery death glare of impending doom* SHUT YER PIEHOLE!!!
Nenya: * has stopped crying and feels a little sad for the guard. It must be tiring to listen to "Shut up" all day . . .* It's okay, Narya . . . he's just trying to be nice . . .
Narya: * Temper tantrum imminante* I don't care! *chibi cranky face* I WANT TEA!!!
Nenya: * backing away slowly* You . . .'kay . . . Narya?? I mean . . .*Thinks quickly: If I'm an Elf, then I must have some sort of calming-down power, right? 'Cause I'm an Elf . . . an Elf . . .* AAAH!!! I'm an Elf!!! *bursts into fresh waves of hysterics*
Narya: *chibish angry face* AND BISCUITS!!
S-G:* Checking watch as a long concealed sweatdrop makes a short appearance* We've arrived. Follow me-
Narya: *folds roped arms stubbornly* Not until I've had me Tea And Biscuits!!
Nenya: din culfea!!! *(random elvish)*
*A strange change comes over Narya . . . She calms down immediately and now acts only slightly deranged, and is more or less sane. Nenya is staring at what her Elvenpowers had accomplished*
Narya: *eyes narrow* I still want tea . . .
S-G: confused at this last exchange between the quit girl and the criminally insane one* *sighs* listen, maybe if you come, you may get your tea, but . . .-
Narya: -Biscuits and strawberry jam! *indignantly folding arms* ONLY THEN will I go quietly!!
Nenya: *Shouts in commanding voice this time* DIN CULFEA!!!!! *and no, I'm not going to tell you what that means! (Look it up in the Silmarillion)*
*NEWSFLASH at an odd INTERVAL!!!!! *echoes dramatically*
Strange-human-reporter-who-got-turned-into-a-chocobo: *chewing on gyshal greens* COULD IT BE!!!???? Narya is now officially sane!!!????!.-
Gaian Skylord: *Sarcastic beyond all possible reason* -Yeah.. YOU WISH!!! MWA HA HA HA HA HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-* falls out of the almighty director's chair with a crash, a bang and a word from our sponsor...-
RANDOM NARRATOR GUY: *in mellow dramatic reading voice* -THIS WAS MADE POSSIBLE BY 'ALMIGHTY DIRECTOR'S CHAIRS INC.', OF THE LESS EVIL SECTION OF SHINRA INC.!!!!-
Gaian Skylord: *from underneath the pile of rubble* -...You beat the game, save the world and the evil corporation you destroyed STILL holds a grudge against you.. I honestly don't know what to do about this sort of thing anymore.....
*THIS HAS BEEN A NEWSFLASH at an odd INTERVAL!!! *echoes dramatically*
* All three follow the Shinra guard out. The three come up to a huge, grey building made out of concrete with bars on the windows*
Nenya: *freaking out as storm clouds gather over the dead environs* Oh, are we going there?!
*Lightening streaks overhead as the sound of carrion birds scatter from, a now flame engulfed, tree*
S-G: *deadpan* yes
Nenya: *nervously* Uh, I don't quite know how to put this, but are we coming out alive?
S-G: *Deadpanner* probably.
Narya: *chibi determined face* Yes or no, pleaze? *French accent returning* pour moi?
S-G: *Looks at Narya with distaste* Normally, I would say yes, but you've gotten to the point where I honestly don't know.....
Narya: *Elle est tres fache a ca* Je n'aime pas ca!! Non!! Je suis une qui vas survivre!!! *Note that I suck at french so, if I DID write this wrong, don't get on my case..*sharp intake of breath*... IT'S NOT MY FAULT I'M AN ANGLOPHONE!!!!!...*GASP!!!*
S-G: *to Nenya* Did you understand any of that?
Nenya: *super-large-elven-anime-sweatdrop* Yes, unfortunately. Listen, don't mind her too much. she's not usually this crazy.....
S-G: *deadpan sigh* Just my day.
Vilya: *watching and shaking her head in frustration*....................... mrrph! *What Vilya is thinking!** 'Laundry is an evil, EVIL thing!!! Never ever mix colors and whites! Never ever mix colors and whites.Plaid was created by sinister demons and loud Hawaiian shirts must be silenced!!!!'*
*Uninterested by her dismal surroundings, Nenya turns to guard for conversation*
Nenya: *To guard* Soooooo... What's life like in the Barracks? I mean, I know we'll be living it soon but it wouldn't hurt to know a bit before hand..
S-G: *Shakes head but, complies* It's composed of gruel, which is, more or less edible.*whisper* I personally think less. Then we sleep, have drill, sleep, get murdered by bugs in outdoor survival, sleep, get murdered by café ladies in indoor survival, more sleep, calculus *shudders as a flash of seemingly on-cue lightening illuminates the sky*, sleep, more gruel, sleep, and if there's ever a war-
Narya: *Drops French accent for an Australian one* You'll put up yer dukes and kick those dag-nuts so 'ard they'll kiss the moons!!!!
Shinra guard + Nenya: !!!???!?!!?????
S-G: *to Nenya* They have tranquilizers up at the barracks and if you can't calm your friend down. *strokes gun lovingly*
Vilya: *to soldier* I have one question for you!!
S-G: Yeah?
Vilya: Have you heard of a place called Texas???
S-G: *Thinks* It sorta rings the bell, if you know what I mean.
Narya + Vilya: That's interesting. *cough, cough!!(I SHOULD stress the cough, but.. I just don't want to!!! *EVIL LAUGH which, I am, again, too lazy to write*)*GUN-NUT!!!!! *cough, cough!!
S-G: *Puzzled but turns back to Nenya* I mean what I said 'bout the tranquilizers.
Nenya: *In elven-pleading tones* Narya, listen, please. just calm down.. It'll all be for the better if you do. listen, the barracks won't be so bad..
*Silence reigned and we all got wet*
Nenya: *In a last desperate attempt to get the Dragon's attention* You'll finally get to use a sword!!!
Narya: *Perks up like an English teacher on a double chocolate espresso latte* REALLY!?!?!?
S-G: *Deadpan* I wouldn't count on it..
Narya: Ya'd betta be sure 'bout this, mate! I've gone through bloody hell and yer talk ain't helpin' much!! *folds arms*
Nenya: *tears come to eyes* I-I'm sorry. I was just trying to help.. Thinking logically and stuff. ah, I'll just shut up now. *elven sniff*
S-G: *Deadpannest*.. Let's go.
Narya: *Happily* Beauty mate! Let's get our arses in gear!!! I'm startin' ta get sick a' all this standin' and talkin'!! *rabid expressions of a deranged wombat* 'Sides, I'm hungrier than a bunyip! *mad look of a starving dragon (YES!! I just underwent a random species change!!!!)* Where's the grub?!
* After a solid ten minutes of stressed silence in which it felt as if many years had passed, they finally began to walk towards the building..*-
RANDOM NARRATOR GUY: * in mellow dramatic reading voice* -LITTLE DID THEY KNOW OF THE HORRORS THEY WOULD FACE IN THIS NEW, EXCITING LAND! LITTLE DID THEY KNOW THAT THIS COULD BE THE BEGINNING OF THE END FOR ONE, TWO OR EVEN ALL OF THEM!! LITTLE DID THEY KNOW THAT I, THE GREAT AND ALL-POWERFUL NARRATOR WOULD BE NARRATING FOR THEM!!! *grin of triumph* DAMN, I'M GOOD!!!!
*Now, for something completely different! (LLAMA!!!!!!)*
*THIS HAS BEEN yet another ODD INTERVAL!!!! *echoes mellow dramatically*
Shinra guard: *to Nenya as the group enters the main hall* Is your friend schizophrenic or something?. *shakes head* she's really unstable. and violent..
Nenya: *Sounding indignant on her friend's behalf* I TOLD you. She's not usually like this!! This whole, um, turn of events must have really flipped her off. But, really, *looks thoughtful* it could happen to anyone..
Shinra guard: *considering the possibilities* yes. I guess it could.-
Narya: *sullen* I'm startin' ta hate how I'm the only one yer talkin' 'bout- *trips over feet, falls on face and perfects the art of Australian potty- mouthing* OI!!!!! BLOODY HELL!!!!!! *picks self up with help from the guard but, shoots yet another 'come-near-me-and-you'll-be-eating-all-your-future- meals-through-a-rather-large-straw' glare, and the poor blue-suited soldier backs off without a sound*
Nenya: *helps Narya up instead* are you okay?? This just isn't our day. *looks around the dismal bleakness of the barrack hall and sighs elvishly* I almost miss French class, which has got to be some kind of first for me...-
Narya: *looks scared* FRENCH?! SCHOOL?!?! I never thought I'd hear ya say yer missin' a load a' Heckran dung!!!!! *folds arms indignantly* Ya'd think they'd speak propa English..
Nenya: *giggling* look who's talking.
Narya: *indignant* Yer point? At least I ain't no elf!! *smirking back*
Nenya: *elven side-look* You're not Australian either, though you seem to think so, for some odd, rather unexplained reason-
Narya: *angry, irritated, extremely annoyed* That's it!! *over-exaggerated anime nerve pop* Say yer prayers!!. not that it'll do ya any good!!!!
Nenya: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! *hides behind shinra guard and is borderline elvish* No, really, um.. *thinks quickly* ..I was joking, yeah that's right! Joking! You're the most Australian person I know!. *laughs nervously*
Narya: *Grinning proudly* That's betta!
Nenya: *peeking out from behind shinra guard* .. Is it.. safe now??...
*Suddenly, a large rumbling shakes the barracks solid foundations. As Narya's stomach finally shuts up for the second, she finally remembers the important task at hand.*
Narya: Now, where's the bloody grub!!??!! *eyelids begin to droop* I. feelin'.. Sleepy.. *drops to the ground, a tranquilizer sticking out of neck* ..SNORE!!!!!!...SNORE!!!!!!!!...neeeeeeeeeeeed marsssssssshhhhhhhhmelllllllllloowwwwsssssssssss-
Shinra guard: *Packing emergency tranquilizer rifle back up in its holster* Yes, its safe now... *looks at the sleeping figure who, even when unconscious, can't shut up and shakes his head* Think you can carry her, elf?
Nenya: *ignores end part of request* I-I'll try. *picks up the great mumbling one with great difficulty ad continues to walk with the rest towards the offices*
Vilya: .........*thinking... 'I have an English essay due for tomorrow!! Grrrr....* does infamous gryphon snarl*.why did I get transported here, of all places, with HER, of all people?! *mental sigh* it can't be helped, I suppose..*perks up* At least I can meet Nanaki!!!! RED XIII RULES!!!!! '*
S-G: So...*in an effort to make conversation* Have you ever fired a gun? Have you any diseases? Parasites? Drill experience?
Nenya: *struggling to carry the oh-so-wonderful-authors-representation* I haven't fired a gun, I have no diseases. I don't have any parasites and I have minimal drill experience.. *thinks of drill and shudders elvishly*
S-G: *Ignores elvish shudder* Keep in mind, these are routine questions which I must ask.. *sigh, mumbles* I wish I didn't have to.. I just want to go see my girlfriend back in Kalm. the army doesn't need me, she does.. *SIGH*
Vilya: *Eyes wide* is your name Zack? The SOLDIER Zack??
S-G: *downcast* No. I'm Jack, his cousin. *to self* Zack's got a stable relationship with his girl, which is more than I have..
*Can you sense the soapy opera-ness now? How 'bout now??? Good!*
Nenya:.....??????? *feels sorry for the poor Shinra guy and sees he's in need of comfort* It's okay, you'll see her again sometime.just remember you're here to protect her, okay?.
*They enter the main section of the Shinra barracks. The building is very cold, very dreary and full of people shouting in a phonetic military language and more people in blue uniforms marching in formation. Nenya answers the military shouts with elvish, reciting "Ah, Elbereth Gilthoniel" poem, militarily mispronouncing the syllables*
S-G: *looking at the formations in disgust* It's not always this disorganized in here. I've got to have a word with the commanding officer-
Narya: *WAKING UP!!!* .-Wha? Who? Where am I?? I-I can't remember. NO, wait!! *eyes narrow and mouth twists in an evil grin* I remember now..
Nenya: *ducks behind the guard and shuts both eyes tightly* This.. Isn't.. going..to.be . pretty....
Narya: *Huffing and puffing with built up rage* I've been waiting two WHOLE HOURS for my tea!!! *holding china teacup sadly*
Nenya: *Opens one eye* um, where'd ya get that teacup?!?
Narya: *shrugs* Vilya-wait! *thinking (yes, this IS a rare occasion)*- actually, it might have been from Katra.. I really don't know anymore.
Shinra Guard: *hopeful* is she sane now??
Narya: *confuzzled* sa-in-ne?? Se-anne??? What is this of which you speak?????
Nenya: *to shinra guard* nope.
Vilya: *eyeing a different guard and slowly notices...-* .!!!!?!?!?!?!? *points at another section's young commander, devoid of helmet* HEY, IT'S- !!!
Nenya: *curiously* -who?!? Wait. *runs up to guard commander* is that your natural hair style and\or colour?!?!
Guard commander: *looking at the elf quizzically* It's all natural. why?
Narya: *finally noticing who the blonde-spiky-haired guard is and pointing hysterically* HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!! THAT'S-!!!!!!
*With that final word, Narya freaks out completely and bolts away from everyone down the hall they came in by and into a nearby forest!!!.. ten minutes later she is recaptured, hog-tied and tranquilized several times*
Nenya: *on the verge of freaking out elvishly once more* Narya, calm down!!! It's okay!! They won't hurt you as long.. As you calm down.. I think...
Shinra guard *now identifiable as Cloud*: Yeah! Just take it easy!
Narya: *half-alive-hungery-and-thristy,-wants-to-hunt-down-and-kill- Sephiroth-before-he-shiqabobs-Aeris* lead me to the cookie jar and surrender the thermos of tea and cream AND GIVE ME LOTS AND LOTS OF SUGAR- *breathes* -and I'll go quietly.
Vilya: *shaking head* sugar might not be such a good idea..
Cloud: *getting fed up* look, I've just about enough of this... *turns to Narya* either you come quietly *tightens hold on shinra automatic* or I'll make you. *guessing her response, the blonde pin-cushion who could use his HAIR as a weapon prepares a dart-gun behind his back*
Narya: *chibi infuriated face* ...don't you DARE speak ta me like that, ya spiky @#$%&*#@$!-!@#$%$@#!!!!!!!!-ACK!- *is darted by Cloud but, the dart itself has no effect except to boost Narya's anger by 30%!!*-HEY!!! *EXCESSIVE POTTY-MOUTHING, etc, etc, etc.*
Vilya: *Gryphonic, to Narya* you DO realize, Dragon, that what you just said probably WASN'T a GOOD thing to say to someone like Cloud, right?
Narya: *indignant* but, my mouth has a life of it's own and plus. HE STARTED IT!!!
*Cloud angrily shouts a military command, suddenly a whole bunch of people (brandishing quite possibly the biggest swords on the face of Gaia and guns that put uzzis to shame) appear*
Cloud: *cool, turns to face Narya* If you don't calm down in five seconds, I will have you physically removed from this hallway. and I don't mean kicked out of it, either.
*Guards load guns morbidly*
Nenya: *covers face with hands and mutters an elvish prayer* ......
Vilya: .....*GULP!*
Narya: *looking at guns, knives, and what have you that is pointy and dangerous* Nah! You wouldn't do a thing like THAT to poor little slightly- deranged ME! *puts on Legolas innocent look and most of the guards drop their weapons from sheer horror*
Nenya: *face contorted elvishly in an elvish look of fear* No-Narya-you're- doing-it-wrong..
Narya: *puzzled* I coulda SWORN that was how it was done. Okay!! How about this?
*Attempts once more and the guards drop to their knees and pray to God to end their suffering. In a split-second decision, Cloud knocks Narya out with the butt of his gun*
Cloud: *massive sigh, to self* how come my section always gets these to deal with?..
*Nenya is just standing there, having watched the person who was supposed to be the hero of the story just knock out one of her friends who was supposed to be more or less sane, but wasn't. For the first time in her millennia long existence, she felt truly confused..*
*AND THEN!*
Narya: *Wakes up and acts all-knowing* I know the fate of the Shinra, the Planet and the rest of humanity, Cloud!!! I can tell you of your fate and the destinies of the allies you have not yet met!!!!! *somehow manages to steal Galadriel's mirror (A.K.A the expensive birdbath) and the jug Legolas was wandering around with in Lothlorien*
Cloud: *exchanges his morbidity for curiousity* what will I see?
Narya: *all-knowing to a tee* Not even the wisest can tell. What it shows; things that were *pours high*, things that are *pours low*, and some things that have not yet come to pass-ARRRGH!!!! *is assaulted by rabid pigeons*
*Suddenly, the lights dim and the trio plus Cloud find themselves back amid the bustle of Shinra life*
Cloud: *Ignoring the last ten minutes* right.. well, come to the office with Jack and I. We need to get you registered for one thing... or another. *looks at Narya strangely*
Nenya: *still very shaky* uh...right.... okay.
Narya: *devilishly diabolical* heh, heh,.. Works EVERY time..
Vilya: *sigh...(what she's thinking!) 'I never wondered why there so few dragons out there nowadays..'*
*The three heroines, Cloud, Jack and a host of other, less important shinra soldiers Accompany the five to the main office of registration, where yet another nerdy employee of the evil corporation is sitting behind a desk, signing miscellaneous papers and official documents. Looking up from his work, he sees the group enter*
Cloud: *to the employee* We have three new recruits, one with questionable sanity. where do they need to be stationed and in what section of the barracks should they go to for the female recruit briefing?-
Shinra employee: *Grimaces at Narya's evil grin and hides behind desk* ANYWHERE BUT HERE!!!!!!
*To make a long story short, they were quickly taken to the female dorms*
Narya: *death-glare* STOP PUSHING ME!!!!!!!
*AUTHORS NOTE: soooo...that was the first chapter in the epic saga that shall be known as "Final Fantasy 7: ReClouded"!! I know it was a little nuts but this was my bit of the compromise soooo.. TRUST ME!!! It's gonna be a lot more serious in the coming chapters (me, Nenya and Swift Gryfalcon actually have a half decent plot going. though I'll still be a little un- sane from time to time but not so much as in this chapter!). I also know that Cloud wouldn't act that morbid *except, maybe, in Kingdom Hearts* so don't burn me. BUT, please review and give me some suggestions on the upcoming chapters. I'M JUST WARNING YOU NOW that there will be some other characters and untimely demises around the corner but they're kinda necessary for the plot to move forward. PLUS you'll soon be meeting the Sephiroth we all wish we could have gotten to know better before he gave us a reason to hate him!!! Twists and turns will happen, so BE WARNED!!!! Oh, and I apologize for my absence from my other fic's (I've been seriously busy with school work and all the little things that make being a teenager a living hell. BUT soon I'll be putting up the third chapter of Midgar High School and maybe the second chapter of FF9 V.S Barney, the evil purple dinosaur if I don't get buried underneath a pile of text books and paper..)! So, please stay tuned for the upcoming chapter of "Final Fantasy 7: ReClouded!!!!! And, for the love of some guy called Pete, REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *wheeze!*
Disclaimer-What-Cha-Ma-Call-It: No, no, no.. I don't own anything. not Squaresoft, or Chrono Cross (this is no crossover, do I make myself clear? GOOD!), or lord of the Rings, or FF7, or anything Monty Pythonish, or the socks that I am wearing! Beat that!! *grins evilly* Sue me.. I dare you, punks.. Try and sue me now..
Unknown Female Elf: *Clears throat elvishly* What here follows is the product of otherwise useless hours of our Introduction To Technology class, which (if you get our teacher) could double as Into To Philosophy. Our teacher is somewhat dimwitted and unobservant, so while a video about the many effects of pollution (tie that up with technology) drones on, those of us with any trace of further intelligence (that is Gaian Skylord and I) spend our time with things of more concern to our society today. Originally it started with passing notes to each other, but then I came up with the great idea of setting ourselves on an adventure into one of our favourite video games. We have only suffered one disagreement so far: While I was hoping for a half-decent plot, Gaian Skylord wished to make it completely random, weird, and downright confusing. Well *wince* here's our compromise . . . . .hope you enjoy it . . . .*cringe, uncringe, cringe, uncringe, cringe, uncringe, etc.*
Gaian Skylord: This Fanfic, as the elf said *hears elven complaints from back of the room but ignores them* was a product of the daily three-hundred- fifty-three minutes of madness and wasted youth as my friends, enemies and my grasp on reality and logic all spiraled downwards in a hellish vortex towards the mindless abyss of learning *twitches uncontrollably*.......... *It is easy enough to tell that I was not in my right mind while writing this... But you already KNEW that! *.
*THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING GOING ON SO FAR, SO READ CAREFULLY*
It begins after Nenya *one of my close friends and the Lord-of-the-Rings elf who introduced the story, who also won't except the fact that she is elvish*, Narya *that's the character (who also goes by the name of Dragon) that represents me, Gaian Skylord*, and their friend Vilya *another one of my good friends (She also goes by the name of Gryphon) who goes by the pen name Swift Gryfalcon (read her stuff! It's AMAZING!!!!!)* Finds themselves mysteriously transported into FF7. They found themselves in a barren wasteland, and were "picked up" by a Shinra search craft, because apparently there had been some chaotic blast nearby; the Shinra guards had been looking for survivors. But don't get me wrong: When I say "picked up" it's only my very polite way of saying "exchanged cuss words, death threats, kicks, punches, who knows what else, and more cuss words." To make a long story short, they didn't go quietly, and were barely on speaking terms with the Shinra guards by the time they were captured (well, the guards actually only captured Narya, but Nenya and Vilya couldn't abandon their friend). They are now stuck in one of the storage rooms on board, along with a shinra guard, who is currently being dissed out (yet again!) by Vilya.
*SO, A TALE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS COMMENCES.. WRITTEN ON A COMPUTER NOT SO FAR AWAY...*
*
Vilya: *to guard* Ha, ha. I could have so very easily outrun you, you blue, scummy-
*Is knocked out cold by grumpy Shinra guard*
Nenya: *runs over to Vilya, is checking life signs* Vilya?! Vilya, can you hear me? Are you all right??!
Vilya: *opens her eyes slowly* ugh. *precedes to remain silent*
Narya: *goes up to guard and proceeds (despite his guns) to beat him into a purple mess of (description)* This! *throws punch* And that! *Knees face* Ooh! and somma that! *I won't tell you where but the guard drops to the ground and screams "Mommy!!!" * Ha! *stands over kill proudly* that's what you get with a dragon, a griffin (gryphon) and an Elvishly reluctant Elf!! Ha, ha! *looks extremely triumphant*
Nenya: *has turned a hue comparable to that of extremely white paper and is pointing behind Narya* Um, maybe you should have been a bit quieter doing that . . .
*2 Shinra SOLDIERS walk into the room, tie up our heroes and threaten them heavily before tending to the purple mess which might have once before been a guard. One of them stays to watch the three (teens, I think . . .) which are still as defiant as ever.
SOLDIER: Now you little kids just sit quiet or else . . .*handles his blade as he stares at masses of rope in which are hidden our heroes*
Narya: Well! *defiant* guess what! You *mouth covered with black censored line*, you're a *More potty-mouthing* and you can't possibly deny it!!! You suck!! *grins proudly again.*
Vilya: *grumbles* you use very amateur fanity . . .
Nenya: ??!
Vilya: *Gryphonic and all-knowing* Well, she certainly wasn't using PROfanity, so she's using amateur fanity.
Narya: *smiles* Ah, well, it works!^_^
Nenya: * as the insulted and rather violent SOLDIER raises sword to get even with a certain someone* NO!! Um. . I apologize on my friend's behalf! *Narya scowls* Because . . .um. . It's just . .that *tries to think very quickly) She thinks that -um- Let's just say that we've heard these really bad rumors, and, uh-*is interrupted by Narya*
Narya: *big anime nerve pop while trying to shake fist* I AM NOT RELATED TO KUJA, Okay?! Who ever started that *more potty-mouthing* rumor will die by my hands!!
*Unnerving silence followed by many a chirping cricket*
Nenya: *shaky* I think she's had just a little too much coffee today-
Narya: *swinging head around madly* I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!! Ha! Ha Ha Ha *falls unconscious and snores* cookies . . .*snore*
Nenya: *shakier* At-at least I think it was coffee . . .I really don't know-
SOLDIER: *whisper* take the violent one into the testing facilities . . .
Narya: *wakes up* Wa? Who? *spots SOLDIERs* Hey what are you doing in my house?! Get The *Even MORE potty-mouthing* Hell out!!! RIGHT NOW!!!
*SOLDIER's shake heads and leave*
SOLDIER: *to the other one* as long as they're contained . . .
Narya: *Incredibly triumphant* That's better! Now!* looks at tangle of ropes* this looks like a "Cat's Cradle" gone horribly wrong . . . *thinks vaguely of the brat Marcy and her amazing ball of twine that grants the attacked somewhat questionable sanity*
Nenya: *nods vigorously* Un . . .hunh. D'ya wanna know what else went horribly wrong?
Narya: *looks at Elf's hair* your anime hairdo, Elf?
*The penny is dropping........ in, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1..-*
Nenya: *looks at hair, feels pointy ears* -Wh-what?! No!!!
Narya: I always knew the truth, but no one would believe me . . .no one . . .not even my goldfish would believe me . . .*twitch*
Nenya: *freaking out* this is not happening to me, this is a really bad dream. . I don't believe it! I really am an Elf ! This is gonna be difficult to explain to Shinra. . Maybe I'll just say I got my ears caught in an automatic rice picker . . .aaaagh! I don't wanna be an anime Elf!!! Noo!! *buries face in hands*
Narya: . . .no one . . .*twitch*
Nenya: *calming down* O.K.! It's okay . . .so I'm an Elf. So what? *laughs nervously* and we're stuck on a ship with people who wouldn't have a shred of remorse killing us, going somewhere unknown, but that's okay. Everything is okay, okay, okayokayokayokayAAGH! Everything's not okay!! *goes into fresh waves of hysterics* S'notokay, it'snotokay, it'snotokay *sits mumbling to self*
* The silence in the room is so deep that the guards come back to check that everything's alright.*
Shinra guard: *cautiously pokes in head, surveys scene* Is everything-
Narya: *eyes narrow*-yes! Se taire! Pleaze! Shut up!!
S-G: *shakes head at the random imitation of Chrono Cross's French jester but shuts up nonetheless*
Nenya: *feeling ears and ear points with the greatest of despair and denial* I'm. an.* Sob!*
S-G: *is so moved by the scene of a crying Elf that he begins to feel a shred of sympathy* Is she . . . All right?
Narya: *shoots guard a look as even more of her intelligence is slowly spontaneously combusted within the dark void of silence known as her mind* Does she look alright?! Hey, and who told you to open your trap! *fiery death glare of impending doom* SHUT YER PIEHOLE!!!
Nenya: * has stopped crying and feels a little sad for the guard. It must be tiring to listen to "Shut up" all day . . .* It's okay, Narya . . . he's just trying to be nice . . .
Narya: * Temper tantrum imminante* I don't care! *chibi cranky face* I WANT TEA!!!
Nenya: * backing away slowly* You . . .'kay . . . Narya?? I mean . . .*Thinks quickly: If I'm an Elf, then I must have some sort of calming-down power, right? 'Cause I'm an Elf . . . an Elf . . .* AAAH!!! I'm an Elf!!! *bursts into fresh waves of hysterics*
Narya: *chibish angry face* AND BISCUITS!!
S-G:* Checking watch as a long concealed sweatdrop makes a short appearance* We've arrived. Follow me-
Narya: *folds roped arms stubbornly* Not until I've had me Tea And Biscuits!!
Nenya: din culfea!!! *(random elvish)*
*A strange change comes over Narya . . . She calms down immediately and now acts only slightly deranged, and is more or less sane. Nenya is staring at what her Elvenpowers had accomplished*
Narya: *eyes narrow* I still want tea . . .
S-G: confused at this last exchange between the quit girl and the criminally insane one* *sighs* listen, maybe if you come, you may get your tea, but . . .-
Narya: -Biscuits and strawberry jam! *indignantly folding arms* ONLY THEN will I go quietly!!
Nenya: *Shouts in commanding voice this time* DIN CULFEA!!!!! *and no, I'm not going to tell you what that means! (Look it up in the Silmarillion)*
*NEWSFLASH at an odd INTERVAL!!!!! *echoes dramatically*
Strange-human-reporter-who-got-turned-into-a-chocobo: *chewing on gyshal greens* COULD IT BE!!!???? Narya is now officially sane!!!????!.-
Gaian Skylord: *Sarcastic beyond all possible reason* -Yeah.. YOU WISH!!! MWA HA HA HA HA HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-* falls out of the almighty director's chair with a crash, a bang and a word from our sponsor...-
RANDOM NARRATOR GUY: *in mellow dramatic reading voice* -THIS WAS MADE POSSIBLE BY 'ALMIGHTY DIRECTOR'S CHAIRS INC.', OF THE LESS EVIL SECTION OF SHINRA INC.!!!!-
Gaian Skylord: *from underneath the pile of rubble* -...You beat the game, save the world and the evil corporation you destroyed STILL holds a grudge against you.. I honestly don't know what to do about this sort of thing anymore.....
*THIS HAS BEEN A NEWSFLASH at an odd INTERVAL!!! *echoes dramatically*
* All three follow the Shinra guard out. The three come up to a huge, grey building made out of concrete with bars on the windows*
Nenya: *freaking out as storm clouds gather over the dead environs* Oh, are we going there?!
*Lightening streaks overhead as the sound of carrion birds scatter from, a now flame engulfed, tree*
S-G: *deadpan* yes
Nenya: *nervously* Uh, I don't quite know how to put this, but are we coming out alive?
S-G: *Deadpanner* probably.
Narya: *chibi determined face* Yes or no, pleaze? *French accent returning* pour moi?
S-G: *Looks at Narya with distaste* Normally, I would say yes, but you've gotten to the point where I honestly don't know.....
Narya: *Elle est tres fache a ca* Je n'aime pas ca!! Non!! Je suis une qui vas survivre!!! *Note that I suck at french so, if I DID write this wrong, don't get on my case..*sharp intake of breath*... IT'S NOT MY FAULT I'M AN ANGLOPHONE!!!!!...*GASP!!!*
S-G: *to Nenya* Did you understand any of that?
Nenya: *super-large-elven-anime-sweatdrop* Yes, unfortunately. Listen, don't mind her too much. she's not usually this crazy.....
S-G: *deadpan sigh* Just my day.
Vilya: *watching and shaking her head in frustration*....................... mrrph! *What Vilya is thinking!** 'Laundry is an evil, EVIL thing!!! Never ever mix colors and whites! Never ever mix colors and whites.Plaid was created by sinister demons and loud Hawaiian shirts must be silenced!!!!'*
*Uninterested by her dismal surroundings, Nenya turns to guard for conversation*
Nenya: *To guard* Soooooo... What's life like in the Barracks? I mean, I know we'll be living it soon but it wouldn't hurt to know a bit before hand..
S-G: *Shakes head but, complies* It's composed of gruel, which is, more or less edible.*whisper* I personally think less. Then we sleep, have drill, sleep, get murdered by bugs in outdoor survival, sleep, get murdered by café ladies in indoor survival, more sleep, calculus *shudders as a flash of seemingly on-cue lightening illuminates the sky*, sleep, more gruel, sleep, and if there's ever a war-
Narya: *Drops French accent for an Australian one* You'll put up yer dukes and kick those dag-nuts so 'ard they'll kiss the moons!!!!
Shinra guard + Nenya: !!!???!?!!?????
S-G: *to Nenya* They have tranquilizers up at the barracks and if you can't calm your friend down. *strokes gun lovingly*
Vilya: *to soldier* I have one question for you!!
S-G: Yeah?
Vilya: Have you heard of a place called Texas???
S-G: *Thinks* It sorta rings the bell, if you know what I mean.
Narya + Vilya: That's interesting. *cough, cough!!(I SHOULD stress the cough, but.. I just don't want to!!! *EVIL LAUGH which, I am, again, too lazy to write*)*GUN-NUT!!!!! *cough, cough!!
S-G: *Puzzled but turns back to Nenya* I mean what I said 'bout the tranquilizers.
Nenya: *In elven-pleading tones* Narya, listen, please. just calm down.. It'll all be for the better if you do. listen, the barracks won't be so bad..
*Silence reigned and we all got wet*
Nenya: *In a last desperate attempt to get the Dragon's attention* You'll finally get to use a sword!!!
Narya: *Perks up like an English teacher on a double chocolate espresso latte* REALLY!?!?!?
S-G: *Deadpan* I wouldn't count on it..
Narya: Ya'd betta be sure 'bout this, mate! I've gone through bloody hell and yer talk ain't helpin' much!! *folds arms*
Nenya: *tears come to eyes* I-I'm sorry. I was just trying to help.. Thinking logically and stuff. ah, I'll just shut up now. *elven sniff*
S-G: *Deadpannest*.. Let's go.
Narya: *Happily* Beauty mate! Let's get our arses in gear!!! I'm startin' ta get sick a' all this standin' and talkin'!! *rabid expressions of a deranged wombat* 'Sides, I'm hungrier than a bunyip! *mad look of a starving dragon (YES!! I just underwent a random species change!!!!)* Where's the grub?!
* After a solid ten minutes of stressed silence in which it felt as if many years had passed, they finally began to walk towards the building..*-
RANDOM NARRATOR GUY: * in mellow dramatic reading voice* -LITTLE DID THEY KNOW OF THE HORRORS THEY WOULD FACE IN THIS NEW, EXCITING LAND! LITTLE DID THEY KNOW THAT THIS COULD BE THE BEGINNING OF THE END FOR ONE, TWO OR EVEN ALL OF THEM!! LITTLE DID THEY KNOW THAT I, THE GREAT AND ALL-POWERFUL NARRATOR WOULD BE NARRATING FOR THEM!!! *grin of triumph* DAMN, I'M GOOD!!!!
*Now, for something completely different! (LLAMA!!!!!!)*
*THIS HAS BEEN yet another ODD INTERVAL!!!! *echoes mellow dramatically*
Shinra guard: *to Nenya as the group enters the main hall* Is your friend schizophrenic or something?. *shakes head* she's really unstable. and violent..
Nenya: *Sounding indignant on her friend's behalf* I TOLD you. She's not usually like this!! This whole, um, turn of events must have really flipped her off. But, really, *looks thoughtful* it could happen to anyone..
Shinra guard: *considering the possibilities* yes. I guess it could.-
Narya: *sullen* I'm startin' ta hate how I'm the only one yer talkin' 'bout- *trips over feet, falls on face and perfects the art of Australian potty- mouthing* OI!!!!! BLOODY HELL!!!!!! *picks self up with help from the guard but, shoots yet another 'come-near-me-and-you'll-be-eating-all-your-future- meals-through-a-rather-large-straw' glare, and the poor blue-suited soldier backs off without a sound*
Nenya: *helps Narya up instead* are you okay?? This just isn't our day. *looks around the dismal bleakness of the barrack hall and sighs elvishly* I almost miss French class, which has got to be some kind of first for me...-
Narya: *looks scared* FRENCH?! SCHOOL?!?! I never thought I'd hear ya say yer missin' a load a' Heckran dung!!!!! *folds arms indignantly* Ya'd think they'd speak propa English..
Nenya: *giggling* look who's talking.
Narya: *indignant* Yer point? At least I ain't no elf!! *smirking back*
Nenya: *elven side-look* You're not Australian either, though you seem to think so, for some odd, rather unexplained reason-
Narya: *angry, irritated, extremely annoyed* That's it!! *over-exaggerated anime nerve pop* Say yer prayers!!. not that it'll do ya any good!!!!
Nenya: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! *hides behind shinra guard and is borderline elvish* No, really, um.. *thinks quickly* ..I was joking, yeah that's right! Joking! You're the most Australian person I know!. *laughs nervously*
Narya: *Grinning proudly* That's betta!
Nenya: *peeking out from behind shinra guard* .. Is it.. safe now??...
*Suddenly, a large rumbling shakes the barracks solid foundations. As Narya's stomach finally shuts up for the second, she finally remembers the important task at hand.*
Narya: Now, where's the bloody grub!!??!! *eyelids begin to droop* I. feelin'.. Sleepy.. *drops to the ground, a tranquilizer sticking out of neck* ..SNORE!!!!!!...SNORE!!!!!!!!...neeeeeeeeeeeed marsssssssshhhhhhhhmelllllllllloowwwwsssssssssss-
Shinra guard: *Packing emergency tranquilizer rifle back up in its holster* Yes, its safe now... *looks at the sleeping figure who, even when unconscious, can't shut up and shakes his head* Think you can carry her, elf?
Nenya: *ignores end part of request* I-I'll try. *picks up the great mumbling one with great difficulty ad continues to walk with the rest towards the offices*
Vilya: .........*thinking... 'I have an English essay due for tomorrow!! Grrrr....* does infamous gryphon snarl*.why did I get transported here, of all places, with HER, of all people?! *mental sigh* it can't be helped, I suppose..*perks up* At least I can meet Nanaki!!!! RED XIII RULES!!!!! '*
S-G: So...*in an effort to make conversation* Have you ever fired a gun? Have you any diseases? Parasites? Drill experience?
Nenya: *struggling to carry the oh-so-wonderful-authors-representation* I haven't fired a gun, I have no diseases. I don't have any parasites and I have minimal drill experience.. *thinks of drill and shudders elvishly*
S-G: *Ignores elvish shudder* Keep in mind, these are routine questions which I must ask.. *sigh, mumbles* I wish I didn't have to.. I just want to go see my girlfriend back in Kalm. the army doesn't need me, she does.. *SIGH*
Vilya: *Eyes wide* is your name Zack? The SOLDIER Zack??
S-G: *downcast* No. I'm Jack, his cousin. *to self* Zack's got a stable relationship with his girl, which is more than I have..
*Can you sense the soapy opera-ness now? How 'bout now??? Good!*
Nenya:.....??????? *feels sorry for the poor Shinra guy and sees he's in need of comfort* It's okay, you'll see her again sometime.just remember you're here to protect her, okay?.
*They enter the main section of the Shinra barracks. The building is very cold, very dreary and full of people shouting in a phonetic military language and more people in blue uniforms marching in formation. Nenya answers the military shouts with elvish, reciting "Ah, Elbereth Gilthoniel" poem, militarily mispronouncing the syllables*
S-G: *looking at the formations in disgust* It's not always this disorganized in here. I've got to have a word with the commanding officer-
Narya: *WAKING UP!!!* .-Wha? Who? Where am I?? I-I can't remember. NO, wait!! *eyes narrow and mouth twists in an evil grin* I remember now..
Nenya: *ducks behind the guard and shuts both eyes tightly* This.. Isn't.. going..to.be . pretty....
Narya: *Huffing and puffing with built up rage* I've been waiting two WHOLE HOURS for my tea!!! *holding china teacup sadly*
Nenya: *Opens one eye* um, where'd ya get that teacup?!?
Narya: *shrugs* Vilya-wait! *thinking (yes, this IS a rare occasion)*- actually, it might have been from Katra.. I really don't know anymore.
Shinra Guard: *hopeful* is she sane now??
Narya: *confuzzled* sa-in-ne?? Se-anne??? What is this of which you speak?????
Nenya: *to shinra guard* nope.
Vilya: *eyeing a different guard and slowly notices...-* .!!!!?!?!?!?!? *points at another section's young commander, devoid of helmet* HEY, IT'S- !!!
Nenya: *curiously* -who?!? Wait. *runs up to guard commander* is that your natural hair style and\or colour?!?!
Guard commander: *looking at the elf quizzically* It's all natural. why?
Narya: *finally noticing who the blonde-spiky-haired guard is and pointing hysterically* HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!! THAT'S-!!!!!!
*With that final word, Narya freaks out completely and bolts away from everyone down the hall they came in by and into a nearby forest!!!.. ten minutes later she is recaptured, hog-tied and tranquilized several times*
Nenya: *on the verge of freaking out elvishly once more* Narya, calm down!!! It's okay!! They won't hurt you as long.. As you calm down.. I think...
Shinra guard *now identifiable as Cloud*: Yeah! Just take it easy!
Narya: *half-alive-hungery-and-thristy,-wants-to-hunt-down-and-kill- Sephiroth-before-he-shiqabobs-Aeris* lead me to the cookie jar and surrender the thermos of tea and cream AND GIVE ME LOTS AND LOTS OF SUGAR- *breathes* -and I'll go quietly.
Vilya: *shaking head* sugar might not be such a good idea..
Cloud: *getting fed up* look, I've just about enough of this... *turns to Narya* either you come quietly *tightens hold on shinra automatic* or I'll make you. *guessing her response, the blonde pin-cushion who could use his HAIR as a weapon prepares a dart-gun behind his back*
Narya: *chibi infuriated face* ...don't you DARE speak ta me like that, ya spiky @#$%&*#@$!-!@#$%$@#!!!!!!!!-ACK!- *is darted by Cloud but, the dart itself has no effect except to boost Narya's anger by 30%!!*-HEY!!! *EXCESSIVE POTTY-MOUTHING, etc, etc, etc.*
Vilya: *Gryphonic, to Narya* you DO realize, Dragon, that what you just said probably WASN'T a GOOD thing to say to someone like Cloud, right?
Narya: *indignant* but, my mouth has a life of it's own and plus. HE STARTED IT!!!
*Cloud angrily shouts a military command, suddenly a whole bunch of people (brandishing quite possibly the biggest swords on the face of Gaia and guns that put uzzis to shame) appear*
Cloud: *cool, turns to face Narya* If you don't calm down in five seconds, I will have you physically removed from this hallway. and I don't mean kicked out of it, either.
*Guards load guns morbidly*
Nenya: *covers face with hands and mutters an elvish prayer* ......
Vilya: .....*GULP!*
Narya: *looking at guns, knives, and what have you that is pointy and dangerous* Nah! You wouldn't do a thing like THAT to poor little slightly- deranged ME! *puts on Legolas innocent look and most of the guards drop their weapons from sheer horror*
Nenya: *face contorted elvishly in an elvish look of fear* No-Narya-you're- doing-it-wrong..
Narya: *puzzled* I coulda SWORN that was how it was done. Okay!! How about this?
*Attempts once more and the guards drop to their knees and pray to God to end their suffering. In a split-second decision, Cloud knocks Narya out with the butt of his gun*
Cloud: *massive sigh, to self* how come my section always gets these to deal with?..
*Nenya is just standing there, having watched the person who was supposed to be the hero of the story just knock out one of her friends who was supposed to be more or less sane, but wasn't. For the first time in her millennia long existence, she felt truly confused..*
*AND THEN!*
Narya: *Wakes up and acts all-knowing* I know the fate of the Shinra, the Planet and the rest of humanity, Cloud!!! I can tell you of your fate and the destinies of the allies you have not yet met!!!!! *somehow manages to steal Galadriel's mirror (A.K.A the expensive birdbath) and the jug Legolas was wandering around with in Lothlorien*
Cloud: *exchanges his morbidity for curiousity* what will I see?
Narya: *all-knowing to a tee* Not even the wisest can tell. What it shows; things that were *pours high*, things that are *pours low*, and some things that have not yet come to pass-ARRRGH!!!! *is assaulted by rabid pigeons*
*Suddenly, the lights dim and the trio plus Cloud find themselves back amid the bustle of Shinra life*
Cloud: *Ignoring the last ten minutes* right.. well, come to the office with Jack and I. We need to get you registered for one thing... or another. *looks at Narya strangely*
Nenya: *still very shaky* uh...right.... okay.
Narya: *devilishly diabolical* heh, heh,.. Works EVERY time..
Vilya: *sigh...(what she's thinking!) 'I never wondered why there so few dragons out there nowadays..'*
*The three heroines, Cloud, Jack and a host of other, less important shinra soldiers Accompany the five to the main office of registration, where yet another nerdy employee of the evil corporation is sitting behind a desk, signing miscellaneous papers and official documents. Looking up from his work, he sees the group enter*
Cloud: *to the employee* We have three new recruits, one with questionable sanity. where do they need to be stationed and in what section of the barracks should they go to for the female recruit briefing?-
Shinra employee: *Grimaces at Narya's evil grin and hides behind desk* ANYWHERE BUT HERE!!!!!!
*To make a long story short, they were quickly taken to the female dorms*
Narya: *death-glare* STOP PUSHING ME!!!!!!!
*AUTHORS NOTE: soooo...that was the first chapter in the epic saga that shall be known as "Final Fantasy 7: ReClouded"!! I know it was a little nuts but this was my bit of the compromise soooo.. TRUST ME!!! It's gonna be a lot more serious in the coming chapters (me, Nenya and Swift Gryfalcon actually have a half decent plot going. though I'll still be a little un- sane from time to time but not so much as in this chapter!). I also know that Cloud wouldn't act that morbid *except, maybe, in Kingdom Hearts* so don't burn me. BUT, please review and give me some suggestions on the upcoming chapters. I'M JUST WARNING YOU NOW that there will be some other characters and untimely demises around the corner but they're kinda necessary for the plot to move forward. PLUS you'll soon be meeting the Sephiroth we all wish we could have gotten to know better before he gave us a reason to hate him!!! Twists and turns will happen, so BE WARNED!!!! Oh, and I apologize for my absence from my other fic's (I've been seriously busy with school work and all the little things that make being a teenager a living hell. BUT soon I'll be putting up the third chapter of Midgar High School and maybe the second chapter of FF9 V.S Barney, the evil purple dinosaur if I don't get buried underneath a pile of text books and paper..)! So, please stay tuned for the upcoming chapter of "Final Fantasy 7: ReClouded!!!!! And, for the love of some guy called Pete, REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *wheeze!*