Akane the Suicidal
"HE DIDN'T SAY IT, RIGHT? HE DIDN'T SAY WHAT I THINK HE SAID, DID HE?!?!?!" Nabiki screamed, as she frantically meandered around the living room in an aimless panick.
"Ohm-ohm-ohm-ohm-ohm-ohm-..." Kasumi repeated in mantra; her eyes just as wide in shock as her sister's, but she was paralized in her fear.
"HE'S COMING BACK!!!" Soun wailed, "OH GREAT KAMI! HE'S GOING TO RETURN AGAIN!!!" Almost immidiately, Soun collapsed into a blubbering wreck; balled in a fetal position.
"Don't you guys think you're just being a *tad* melodramatic?" Akane asked in a dry voice, while tapping her foot on the ground impatiently with her arms folded, as she waited for her family to come back to their senses.
Ranma watched the proceedings with a sense of detachment, as if this was something he had been expecting, but didn't know or understand why. After a moment, he leaned towards Akane, "For some reason, this doesn't feel as unusual as it really should..."
"Sorry about all this," Akane whispered back in apology, "My family tends to act this way whenever somone mentions Happosai."
"THAT NAME! SHE SAID IT AGAIN!!!" Nabiki screamed, as she pointed towards Akane like she was the foulest, most evil demon from the darkest, most desolate parts of Hell.
Kasumi descended the stairs, carrying two large suitcases; nobody had even noticed her leave the room, "Well, I'm leaving for Uncle Kasuhito's. You coming, Nabiki?"
"What if he tries to sell us into slavery again?" Nabiki asked, a hint of mania still in her voice.
Now that you thought about it, Kasumi's held that same rather entertaining trait, at the moment. "That's a chance I'll just have to take," the eldest Tendou daughter replied, with a firm resolve.
"NO! MY DAUGHTERS! DON'T LEAVE ME!" the adult fetus on the ground wailed. Akane idly checked the clock; they must be dragging this on because they have guests.
"Hey, Tendou, ready for an extensive training trip?" Genma tossed a camping pack next to Soun's head, "I hear the Tibetan Alps provide for exellent conditioning..."
"Quite right, Saotome," the Tendou Patriarch replied, suddenly finding immense calmness in the lifeline he was just tossed, as he stood up, and shouldered his pack.
"WAIT! Everyone, just *CALM-DOWN*," Nabiki demanded, once again being the first one to come out of the hysteria, and becoming the voice of reason, "There's NO WAY that little pervert can be coming back!"
"But Nabiki he could be coming here and he could be heading straight for here and I don't want to be here because he's coming straight here and-," Kasumi continued, until she began to blubber into a nervous breakdown. Nabiki was instantly upon her, grabbing the front of her sister's blouse with her left hand.
::SLAP, SLAP!!!::
"KASUMI, SNAP OUT OF IT!" Nabiki shouted, as she lowered her hand from the second slap to her older sister's face, a back-hand, in fact, "THE FRENCH *PROMISED* US NOTHING COULD HAVE SURVIVED THAT! WE STRAPPED HIM TO A BOMB THEY WERE TESTING! A *NUCLEAR* BOMB!!! REMEMBER?"
Kasumi continued to blubber, forcing Nabiki to raise her hand in order to slap some sense back into her sister.
"Guys, this really does get old," Akane stated, now slumped in the sofa.
Ranma looked at the scene, and thought to himself that this it rediculous enough to be funny, this whole situation is funny, he should be laughing...
The calm, almost emotionless expression, save for that slight tone of unamusement, that was plastered across his face explained exactly how funny he was finding this situation.
"I'm going to bed," Ranma announced, deciding he didn't care anymore, before Nabiki could slap her sister again. Everyone watched, as the pigtailed martial artist calmly walked to the stairway, and walked upstairs. They all were still in their positions when they heard the door to Akane's room shut. They still didn't move, as the door to Akane's room opened again, and Ranma descended the stairs, just as calmly as he had ascended them. He approached Akane, and without a word, he lifted her onto his shoulder.
"HEY!" Akane shouted, but did little else, as Ranma carried her upstairs to her room. The door closed a final time, all while Nabiki, Kasumi, Soun, and Genma were frozen still in their positions, staring to where they had last seen the couple disappear to.
_______________________
"I'm really sorry about how they were acting," Akane apologised, once again, "Happosai left quite an impression with them."
"I don't care," Ranma replied, her pigtail sticking out of the covers. "All I want to do is go to sleep, so tomorrow, I can kill your father, uncaring of the blood fued this will start between our families, because then I can die fianceeless and content."
"You don't mean that," Akane chided, "Can you hand me my hairbrush, please? It's on the desk."
Ranma sat up, leaned over to the desk, and pulled off the brush, before turning, and handing it to Akane, "Maybe I don't mean it, but I'm not very far from notion, I can promise you-"
"My hair..." Akane almost whispered, as she noticed the reason her head felt so much lighter.
"Huh?" Ranma-chan sat in seiza while facing Akane, "Oh, it got cut when you were trying to commit Seppuku, earlier."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Akane stated, incredulously.
"Didn't think it was important, seeing as how I was more concerned that your neck and head were still of one unit," Ranma replied with a sigh.
"I was proud of my hair, too," Akane said with a resigned tone, "Well, there's nothing more to than even it out, I guess. Can you hand me my hair comb, please? It's also on my desk."
Ranma turned back to the desk, grabbed the comb, and handed it to Akane, "Well, I would have had the same problem, if my hair didn't have a curse of its own," Ranma stated, unconciously trying to cheer Akane up, "Can you hurry up a bit? I just remembered I have to chain you up and hang you from the ceiling before I go to sleep."
"Um," Akane started, running the comb through her hair, "Can you possibly... let me sleep in my own bed for tonight? I kind of miss it?"
"No."
"Oh, come on! I promise I won't do anything..." Akane quickly amended herself under Ranma's half-lidded stare, "Anything but sleep, I mean."
"Riiiiiight," Ranma drawled, "and what happened to the last promise you made to me? The one from this morning?"
"Hey! I kept that promise!" Akane retorted.
"Honorable suicide is *still* suicide, Akane," Ranma stated, factually.
"Yeah, but you said not to make any attempts for the whole day! I didn't do anything until evening! See? I waited until the sun set, so the day was over!"
Ranma blinked, then blinked again, before a chuckle escaped her. Akane stared at the other girl with a confused expression, as Ranma erupted into full blown laughter...
_______________________
Everyone was in the tea room, drinking said hot beverage to calm their nerves, when they were suddenly interrupted by laughter that was akin to a man who suddenly found it extremely funny that he just found out he's been in Hell for his entire life.
"Ah, anyone like to go check up on that?" Nabiki offered, nervously.
_______________________
"Ah," Akane started to interject during Ranma's laughter, "can I take that as 'yes'?"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA *gasp* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHno," Ranma replied.
Akane slumped a bit, realizing she was going to have to earn Ranma's trust again, somehow. She then wondered when his trust became important to her. With anothe sigh, she decided to move on, "Could you hand me my hair-tie, it's on the nightstand by your head."
Ranma obliged her, before asking, "Why do you need it? Most of your hair's gone..."
"Oh," Akane replied, lowering her hands from where she was about to tie hair that she no longer had.
Ranma picked up on her slight depression, "You know? You look cute with shorter hair."
Akane tilted her head, as she studied the other girl, before smiling, "Thanks Ranma."
The red-head grumbled, before turning off to study a wall poster, incidentally hiding her blush from Akane, "Come on, now, I wanna get to sleep *sometime* tonight."
"Almost done," Akane replied, "Could you hand me the scissors I hid between my mattress earlier?"
Ranma reached between the matress, and handed Akane the pointy pair of shears, "Man, you girls have too much to do when it comes to taking care of your hair. Us guys, w-HEY!"
Ranma dove onto the bed, and grappled with Akane for the scissors she had raised above her to plunge into her chest. Much to Ranma's chagrin, she realized just how much more strength Akane had than her girl form. but fortunately, Ranma had the position advantage, as she was astradal Akane's waist, keeping her pinned down.
"Wha-stop! GIMME THAT!" Ranma shouted, as she finally pulled the intended implement of death from Akane's hands, raising it above her head and away from Akane's grasp.
"Is everything okay," Kasumi's voice called out from behind the door, before it opened, "We heard Ranma laughing, and..." She saw Ranma, positioned over Akane, with sharp scissors in her hands, held above her head. Though completely circumstantial, the visual evidence was rather incriminating.
"Ranma..." Kasumi started, with a gulp, "Would it help if I begged for my sister's life?"
Ranma and Akane stared blankly at the older girl, before they both turned their eyes up to the pair of scissors that Ranma had in a two-handed grip above her head. "Don't worry, Kasumi," Ranma replied, "I'm not going to kill her."
"Okay then," Kasumi said with a smile, "Good night!" With that, she left the room, and closed the door.
Ranma was still staring after Kasumi, when he felt Akane's fingers in her armpits, "HEY! QUIT THAT!" Before Ranma had succombed to Akane's tickle attack, she tossed the scissors to the other side of the room. "Hee hee, n-now you can't g-get them!"
Akane continued, undaunted, as she ravished Ranma, causing the pigtailed girl to collapse to the side of her in a giggling fit. "C-cut it o-out all... already?"
Ranma noticed that she was now just inches away from Akane's face. The same realization had dawned on Akane, as she stared just as bewildered back at Ranma-chan. They didn't even notice they were leaning closer, until prominant parts of their female anatomies managed to remind them of themselves.
"Ah..." Akane choked out, as if she had just been stabbed, "I guess we're ready to sleep... now?"
"Yeah," Ranma replied, unconciously wincing at the imposition of her cursed form, "We better turn in, I guess..."
Ranma took extra care to be careful not to touch Akane directly, as she wrapped the raven-haired girl in chains.
"HE DIDN'T SAY IT, RIGHT? HE DIDN'T SAY WHAT I THINK HE SAID, DID HE?!?!?!" Nabiki screamed, as she frantically meandered around the living room in an aimless panick.
"Ohm-ohm-ohm-ohm-ohm-ohm-..." Kasumi repeated in mantra; her eyes just as wide in shock as her sister's, but she was paralized in her fear.
"HE'S COMING BACK!!!" Soun wailed, "OH GREAT KAMI! HE'S GOING TO RETURN AGAIN!!!" Almost immidiately, Soun collapsed into a blubbering wreck; balled in a fetal position.
"Don't you guys think you're just being a *tad* melodramatic?" Akane asked in a dry voice, while tapping her foot on the ground impatiently with her arms folded, as she waited for her family to come back to their senses.
Ranma watched the proceedings with a sense of detachment, as if this was something he had been expecting, but didn't know or understand why. After a moment, he leaned towards Akane, "For some reason, this doesn't feel as unusual as it really should..."
"Sorry about all this," Akane whispered back in apology, "My family tends to act this way whenever somone mentions Happosai."
"THAT NAME! SHE SAID IT AGAIN!!!" Nabiki screamed, as she pointed towards Akane like she was the foulest, most evil demon from the darkest, most desolate parts of Hell.
Kasumi descended the stairs, carrying two large suitcases; nobody had even noticed her leave the room, "Well, I'm leaving for Uncle Kasuhito's. You coming, Nabiki?"
"What if he tries to sell us into slavery again?" Nabiki asked, a hint of mania still in her voice.
Now that you thought about it, Kasumi's held that same rather entertaining trait, at the moment. "That's a chance I'll just have to take," the eldest Tendou daughter replied, with a firm resolve.
"NO! MY DAUGHTERS! DON'T LEAVE ME!" the adult fetus on the ground wailed. Akane idly checked the clock; they must be dragging this on because they have guests.
"Hey, Tendou, ready for an extensive training trip?" Genma tossed a camping pack next to Soun's head, "I hear the Tibetan Alps provide for exellent conditioning..."
"Quite right, Saotome," the Tendou Patriarch replied, suddenly finding immense calmness in the lifeline he was just tossed, as he stood up, and shouldered his pack.
"WAIT! Everyone, just *CALM-DOWN*," Nabiki demanded, once again being the first one to come out of the hysteria, and becoming the voice of reason, "There's NO WAY that little pervert can be coming back!"
"But Nabiki he could be coming here and he could be heading straight for here and I don't want to be here because he's coming straight here and-," Kasumi continued, until she began to blubber into a nervous breakdown. Nabiki was instantly upon her, grabbing the front of her sister's blouse with her left hand.
::SLAP, SLAP!!!::
"KASUMI, SNAP OUT OF IT!" Nabiki shouted, as she lowered her hand from the second slap to her older sister's face, a back-hand, in fact, "THE FRENCH *PROMISED* US NOTHING COULD HAVE SURVIVED THAT! WE STRAPPED HIM TO A BOMB THEY WERE TESTING! A *NUCLEAR* BOMB!!! REMEMBER?"
Kasumi continued to blubber, forcing Nabiki to raise her hand in order to slap some sense back into her sister.
"Guys, this really does get old," Akane stated, now slumped in the sofa.
Ranma looked at the scene, and thought to himself that this it rediculous enough to be funny, this whole situation is funny, he should be laughing...
The calm, almost emotionless expression, save for that slight tone of unamusement, that was plastered across his face explained exactly how funny he was finding this situation.
"I'm going to bed," Ranma announced, deciding he didn't care anymore, before Nabiki could slap her sister again. Everyone watched, as the pigtailed martial artist calmly walked to the stairway, and walked upstairs. They all were still in their positions when they heard the door to Akane's room shut. They still didn't move, as the door to Akane's room opened again, and Ranma descended the stairs, just as calmly as he had ascended them. He approached Akane, and without a word, he lifted her onto his shoulder.
"HEY!" Akane shouted, but did little else, as Ranma carried her upstairs to her room. The door closed a final time, all while Nabiki, Kasumi, Soun, and Genma were frozen still in their positions, staring to where they had last seen the couple disappear to.
_______________________
"I'm really sorry about how they were acting," Akane apologised, once again, "Happosai left quite an impression with them."
"I don't care," Ranma replied, her pigtail sticking out of the covers. "All I want to do is go to sleep, so tomorrow, I can kill your father, uncaring of the blood fued this will start between our families, because then I can die fianceeless and content."
"You don't mean that," Akane chided, "Can you hand me my hairbrush, please? It's on the desk."
Ranma sat up, leaned over to the desk, and pulled off the brush, before turning, and handing it to Akane, "Maybe I don't mean it, but I'm not very far from notion, I can promise you-"
"My hair..." Akane almost whispered, as she noticed the reason her head felt so much lighter.
"Huh?" Ranma-chan sat in seiza while facing Akane, "Oh, it got cut when you were trying to commit Seppuku, earlier."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Akane stated, incredulously.
"Didn't think it was important, seeing as how I was more concerned that your neck and head were still of one unit," Ranma replied with a sigh.
"I was proud of my hair, too," Akane said with a resigned tone, "Well, there's nothing more to than even it out, I guess. Can you hand me my hair comb, please? It's also on my desk."
Ranma turned back to the desk, grabbed the comb, and handed it to Akane, "Well, I would have had the same problem, if my hair didn't have a curse of its own," Ranma stated, unconciously trying to cheer Akane up, "Can you hurry up a bit? I just remembered I have to chain you up and hang you from the ceiling before I go to sleep."
"Um," Akane started, running the comb through her hair, "Can you possibly... let me sleep in my own bed for tonight? I kind of miss it?"
"No."
"Oh, come on! I promise I won't do anything..." Akane quickly amended herself under Ranma's half-lidded stare, "Anything but sleep, I mean."
"Riiiiiight," Ranma drawled, "and what happened to the last promise you made to me? The one from this morning?"
"Hey! I kept that promise!" Akane retorted.
"Honorable suicide is *still* suicide, Akane," Ranma stated, factually.
"Yeah, but you said not to make any attempts for the whole day! I didn't do anything until evening! See? I waited until the sun set, so the day was over!"
Ranma blinked, then blinked again, before a chuckle escaped her. Akane stared at the other girl with a confused expression, as Ranma erupted into full blown laughter...
_______________________
Everyone was in the tea room, drinking said hot beverage to calm their nerves, when they were suddenly interrupted by laughter that was akin to a man who suddenly found it extremely funny that he just found out he's been in Hell for his entire life.
"Ah, anyone like to go check up on that?" Nabiki offered, nervously.
_______________________
"Ah," Akane started to interject during Ranma's laughter, "can I take that as 'yes'?"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA *gasp* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHno," Ranma replied.
Akane slumped a bit, realizing she was going to have to earn Ranma's trust again, somehow. She then wondered when his trust became important to her. With anothe sigh, she decided to move on, "Could you hand me my hair-tie, it's on the nightstand by your head."
Ranma obliged her, before asking, "Why do you need it? Most of your hair's gone..."
"Oh," Akane replied, lowering her hands from where she was about to tie hair that she no longer had.
Ranma picked up on her slight depression, "You know? You look cute with shorter hair."
Akane tilted her head, as she studied the other girl, before smiling, "Thanks Ranma."
The red-head grumbled, before turning off to study a wall poster, incidentally hiding her blush from Akane, "Come on, now, I wanna get to sleep *sometime* tonight."
"Almost done," Akane replied, "Could you hand me the scissors I hid between my mattress earlier?"
Ranma reached between the matress, and handed Akane the pointy pair of shears, "Man, you girls have too much to do when it comes to taking care of your hair. Us guys, w-HEY!"
Ranma dove onto the bed, and grappled with Akane for the scissors she had raised above her to plunge into her chest. Much to Ranma's chagrin, she realized just how much more strength Akane had than her girl form. but fortunately, Ranma had the position advantage, as she was astradal Akane's waist, keeping her pinned down.
"Wha-stop! GIMME THAT!" Ranma shouted, as she finally pulled the intended implement of death from Akane's hands, raising it above her head and away from Akane's grasp.
"Is everything okay," Kasumi's voice called out from behind the door, before it opened, "We heard Ranma laughing, and..." She saw Ranma, positioned over Akane, with sharp scissors in her hands, held above her head. Though completely circumstantial, the visual evidence was rather incriminating.
"Ranma..." Kasumi started, with a gulp, "Would it help if I begged for my sister's life?"
Ranma and Akane stared blankly at the older girl, before they both turned their eyes up to the pair of scissors that Ranma had in a two-handed grip above her head. "Don't worry, Kasumi," Ranma replied, "I'm not going to kill her."
"Okay then," Kasumi said with a smile, "Good night!" With that, she left the room, and closed the door.
Ranma was still staring after Kasumi, when he felt Akane's fingers in her armpits, "HEY! QUIT THAT!" Before Ranma had succombed to Akane's tickle attack, she tossed the scissors to the other side of the room. "Hee hee, n-now you can't g-get them!"
Akane continued, undaunted, as she ravished Ranma, causing the pigtailed girl to collapse to the side of her in a giggling fit. "C-cut it o-out all... already?"
Ranma noticed that she was now just inches away from Akane's face. The same realization had dawned on Akane, as she stared just as bewildered back at Ranma-chan. They didn't even notice they were leaning closer, until prominant parts of their female anatomies managed to remind them of themselves.
"Ah..." Akane choked out, as if she had just been stabbed, "I guess we're ready to sleep... now?"
"Yeah," Ranma replied, unconciously wincing at the imposition of her cursed form, "We better turn in, I guess..."
Ranma took extra care to be careful not to touch Akane directly, as she wrapped the raven-haired girl in chains.