Dedicated to Grace.
For Wan'er.
fleuve de lune
The moonlight shone through the window. I sat down on the floor against the wall and looked blankly at the night sky. It was kinda pretty I guess, there were no stars tonight. The moon was a crescent, could barely be deciphered behind the clouds, not that I had the patience to look for it anyway. I lifted up the sake jug effortlessly and placed it to my lips. It didn't make me feel any better, or any worse for that better. It just kinda numbed me, so that I couldn't feel how cold the night air was, how stiff my cold joints were getting and how much my heart was aching.
I was lonely. Life on a mountain, even for a hermit like me, wasn't that fun. I liked the solitude, but sometimes, the silence just became too loud for me. I could hear the cicadas striking up their band just outside the window. But their chirps only made my own thoughts diffuse through my mind more erratically. I was in a melancholy mood. Bleak, despairing, miserable, so many other adjectives - I didn't care. I just wanted to know why I felt so sad and empty. Maybe the lack of human contact had made me a little desperate, made my want become a need, made me yearn with a passion that I had no idea how to control.
Life was a little less boring nowadays though. With Kenshin around, it seemed more exciting, livelier, more childish. I ordered him around like a slave, but it never seemed to wipe that smile away from his face. He smiled to himself while walking, smiled when cooking, smiled when getting water from the well, he smiled so much. I never knew how beautiful his smile was until the day he stopped smiling. I remembered being extra harsh to him before, but his smile never faltered. That day he stopped smiling, I took him out to the city. I bought him clothes and more sake and took him for a short walk around, but he never once smiled.
But why?
My musings didn't help my already troubled thoughts. It felt as though a weight was pushing my thoughts down, and refusing to let them up. I blinked at the moon and took another sip out of the sake bottle. That baka deshi was lying curled up in the corner of the house, chest rising slowly with each breath he breathed in and out. I looked away. It was probably about a month ago that I realised I had fallen in love with my beautiful Kenshin. He was so young, reaching thirteen already, and I felt like such a pedophile for even thinking about liking him. But who wouldn't? Kenshin was one of those blessed people who could manoeuvre people to do whatever he wanted, without even knowing he had so much power over them.
My beautiful Kenshin. But not mine - not really. The wind blew and I blinked before the moon was gone from my sight, disappeared behind the clouds.
fleuve de lune
The moonlight shone through the window. I sat down on the floor against the wall and looked blankly at the night sky. It was kinda pretty I guess, there were no stars tonight. The moon was a crescent, could barely be deciphered behind the clouds, not that I had the patience to look for it anyway. I lifted up the sake jug effortlessly and placed it to my lips. It didn't make me feel any better, or any worse for that better. It just kinda numbed me, so that I couldn't feel how cold the night air was, how stiff my cold joints were getting and how much my heart was aching.
I was lonely. Life on a mountain, even for a hermit like me, wasn't that fun. I liked the solitude, but sometimes, the silence just became too loud for me. I could hear the cicadas striking up their band just outside the window. But their chirps only made my own thoughts diffuse through my mind more erratically. I was in a melancholy mood. Bleak, despairing, miserable, so many other adjectives - I didn't care. I just wanted to know why I felt so sad and empty. Maybe the lack of human contact had made me a little desperate, made my want become a need, made me yearn with a passion that I had no idea how to control.
Life was a little less boring nowadays though. With Kenshin around, it seemed more exciting, livelier, more childish. I ordered him around like a slave, but it never seemed to wipe that smile away from his face. He smiled to himself while walking, smiled when cooking, smiled when getting water from the well, he smiled so much. I never knew how beautiful his smile was until the day he stopped smiling. I remembered being extra harsh to him before, but his smile never faltered. That day he stopped smiling, I took him out to the city. I bought him clothes and more sake and took him for a short walk around, but he never once smiled.
But why?
My musings didn't help my already troubled thoughts. It felt as though a weight was pushing my thoughts down, and refusing to let them up. I blinked at the moon and took another sip out of the sake bottle. That baka deshi was lying curled up in the corner of the house, chest rising slowly with each breath he breathed in and out. I looked away. It was probably about a month ago that I realised I had fallen in love with my beautiful Kenshin. He was so young, reaching thirteen already, and I felt like such a pedophile for even thinking about liking him. But who wouldn't? Kenshin was one of those blessed people who could manoeuvre people to do whatever he wanted, without even knowing he had so much power over them.
My beautiful Kenshin. But not mine - not really. The wind blew and I blinked before the moon was gone from my sight, disappeared behind the clouds.