The Adventures of Reanna and Akio

Part 2

By Reanna King

It's a wonder to me that I've actually gotten compliments on this thing. I just wrote it for fun… I guess some people have a twisted sense of humor like me. Anyway, I rated this one "R." It's a little more ecchi than the first installment, but it's not too bad. Don't worry. Well, here it is.

I'm in the Akio Car… with Akio… and we're hopelessly lost.

Somebody help me.

"Akio, we've been driving all night! Can't you stop and ask for directions?" I asked.

"No. I know where I'm going."

"Don't kid yourself! You have no idea where we are or where we're going!" I looked out through the pouring rain and saw a familiar logo alongside a familiar-looking building. "A… McDonald's?"

"Exactly where I meant to go," Akio said unconvincingly as he pulled into the drive-thru.

"Wait a minute, can't we go inside?" I asked.

"Actually, we can't…" Akio said, looking at the menu board. "Or rather, I can't. The restraining order says I'm not allowed to enter a McDonald's restaurant ever again."

"What did you—never mind, I don't want to know."

We drove up to the window. A guy dressed as Ronald McDonald poked his head out. "Welcome to McDonalds. How may I—Oh God, it's the ketchup guy."

I glared at Akio. "The 'ketchup guy?'" Far too many possible explanations for this ran through my mind.

The guys brightly painted face grimaced. "You on a date with this weirdo?"

Akio replied "yes" at the exact moment that I replied "not willingly."

He leaned over. "Want me to call the cops?" he asked me.

"How about you take our orders?" Akio asked.

He looked around nervously. "Uh, okay." He immediately folded his hands and started mumbling something about ketchup and salad shakers.

Akio proceeded to order his food. For some reason, I didn't have much of an appetite… so I didn't order much.

Well, quicker than you can say, "This fanfic has no plot whatsoever," we had our food.

"Be careful," the overly-pierced teenager at the pickup window warned Akio. "The contents of that Big Mac are hot."

Akio scoffed and took a big bite out of it. "OOOOOOOOWWWW!!!! DAMMIT!!" he dropped his Coke, sending sticky cola all over his seat.

"What now?"

"I burned myself on a… on a…" he looked to see what had burned him. "A pickle!"

"Serves you right."

And so we drove on. I ignored Akio's icky jokes about super-sizing and golden arches by enjoying, or trying to enjoy my food.

Before long, we had finished eating. We had listened to all of Akio's CDs twice over, played enough games of "I Spy" and "Twenty Questions" to last us the rest of our lives, and we still hadn't found Ohtori.

So I sat there, picking absently at a hole in the leather upholstery. Then something struck me like a bolt of lightning. "Hey! We're not lost at all, are we?"

"Er…"

"You're just driving me around pretending to be lost, aren't you?"

"Perhaps so. Perhaps not," Akio answered, smirking. The car began to slow down. As we pulled in, I looked around to figure out where we were stopping.

"The beach? What are we doing here?" I asked as Akio let the roof of the car down so we could see the evening sky.

Akio smiled lasciviously and turned on the radio.

"~HE'S GOT HIII-IIIGH HOPES… HIII-IIIGH HO—~"

Akio kicked the radio.

"~I wanna have sex on the beach…~"

I glared at Akio. "I don't know what gave you the idea that I might be interested in having sex with you."

"I've set all this up perfectly. There's no way you can resist me."

"~WHOOPS THERE GOES ANOTHER RUBBER TREE PLAN--~"

WHACK!

"~Come on move your body, sex on the beach…~"

Akio slid in closer to me.

"Get away! I'll scream "rape" if you even touch me!" I raised my hands in defense and scootched against the car door.

"No sense getting ahead of me. We can see stars tonight, and I don't mean the ones in the sky." He put his hands forward to unbutton my jacket.

"No, NO! I'll scream!"

"Nobody will hear you," he grinned sexily, working on the buttons.

"Help! Gah! CUT IT OUT!!"

Akio was about to go for the bra when a little chibi-angel-Akio appeared above Akio's right shoulder. It stood resplendent in white robes and wings and wore a glowing halo over his head.

"Akio!" the chibi-angel-Akio yelled. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Akio looked guiltily at the angel. "You're right!"

"Whew," I breathed in relief.

Akio removed his shirt. "Better!" he said.

"Much better!" it smiled, and disappeared.

"I should have seen that coming," I muttered, my bra hanging loose around my shoulders. " I wonder what his devil side is like."

"Wanna find out?" he put his hands forward, and—

"EEEEEEEEYYYYYAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! NONONONONONONOOOOOO!"

plop! A white blob of goo appeared on Akio's hand. No, it wasn't that…

"Nani?" Akio wondered aloud, as another glob fell on his head.

I looked up. "Seagulls!"

"Why?" Akio groaned, putting the roof back up (but not before he got plopped on a little more) and backed out and drove on, the radio still blaring.

"~HE'S GOT HII-IIGH APPLE PIE IN THE SKYYYY HOPES…~"

It was dawn, at last. The roof was down… but I didn't remember Akio lowering it. I looked down… and realized I was naked. When did that happen?

I looked over at Akio, nervously, but he didn't seem to notice. The steering wheel, however, was laughing at me. The cigarette lighter was saying how hot he was and the gauges were saying what nice headlights I have.

Just as the seatbelt was getting frisky, I saw a bright red flame out of the corner of my eye. I looked and saw a huge red bird outside, rising up out of a huge fire.

"A phoenix," Akio said. "The phoenix born at dawn."

"Huh?" I asked, wrestling with the grabby seatbelt.

"It's me. That's what my name means."

I looked at the phoenix. "Oh. Yeah." I muttered half-heartedly. "Did you know your seatbelt is trying to molest me?"

Akio turned to me and grinned. "Relish pants burn mambo igloo Jigglypuff."

The phoenix squawked from where it flew directly above us.

"Akio, this seat just pinched my butt!"

"Digeridoo bleeb."

Squawk!

"What's that… white stuff?" Akio asked.

PLOP!

I was startled awake by the radio. It was only a dream. There was no phoenix or phoenix plop, I was fully clothed, and the Akio car was no longer harassing me.

Still, I smiled evilly at the thought of Akio covered in phoenix plop.

The car's roof was still up… it was still night.

"Did you sleep well?" Akio asked.

The car slowed down again and pulled into a new location.

"You're taking me to a drive-in movie?"

"They're having an anime marathon."

"Oh, good… … what kind of anime?"

I looked at the marquee. 'La Blue Girl,' 'Cool Devices,' 'Angel of Darkness.' "Gaaaahhh…" I groaned. "It figures."

Akio smirked. "Five hours of hentai enjoyment, naughty tentacles and sex-crazed monsters!"

"Like hell! I'm leaving." I went for the door. There was no unlocking mechanism on my side. "Let me out!"

"Come on, Reanna, give it a shot."

I grumbled. "Well… okay." The show had already started. I watched until Akio spoke.

"Oo, look, Reanna…"

"Ah-HA! You're trying to make me horny, aren't you? Well it's not gonna work! … … … tentacles… … yummy…" I felt my face go red. "Uh, I mean, um…"
"Wow! Lookit that!" Akio pointed.

"Na… ni?" … "GAAAAAAH! MY EYES! THEY'RE BURNING! THIS IS TORTURE! I CAN'T SEE! I'M BLIND!"

"I wonder if that's physically possible," Akio marveled.

"Ugh. I hope not."

"Now that looks like fun." Akio said.

I had to agree.

After five long hours of perversion, it was at last over.

"Ah! That was fun!" Akio said. He turned to me. "So… are you…"

"No."

"Not even a little?"

"Nope."

"How is this possible?" Akio grumbled.

"Well… it took tremendous willpower… and the fact that, er… it's my story."

"Well, I'm not giving up. We're going somewhere else."

"Where?"

"You'll like it."

I thought about that statement. "If it's the Shikima realm I'm going to be very disappointed."

"You just wait and see."

I sighed. Apparently, this was long from over…

TO BE CONCLUDED…

tentacles… yummy…