Disclaimers: Weiss and all those lovely asses do not belong to me, but if they did, I would have a very nice life indeed. Heh heh.

Warnings: Cows, yaoi, sex, bestiality and swearing, and insanity. Oh, and I'm bouncing through my house at three a.m. and giggling like a moron…. So this is officially a Fucked-Up-Story…..

More: I don't know why, but for some reason, I find cows to be extremely hilarious creatures. They just make me laugh. www.cows.com is a sight for cowboy-style leather products. I find that funny, too, because I'm a sick deranged person (possibly the long-lost twin of Farfarello)

It was a lovely day in Tokyo, all bubblegum and spring and schoolgirls. And four bishonen florists in a flower shop, prancing through fields—er, pots—of daisies. And, in Ken's case, tripping over them and accidentally leaping through windows. (1)

Well, Aya wasn't prancing. He was making scary growling noises that frightened all but the most daring fangirls, who were also the ones that tried to spray him with the hose to see him in a wet shirt (mmmm) or to pinch his ass. And Yoji wasn't prancing either. He was more like… smoking. And flirting. In fact, he mistook a flower as a creature that could, potentially, give him pleasure and was attempting to flirt with a pansy (NO, a FLOWER pansy) at the moment, to the dismay of the 18-plus crowd.

Omi was the only one who was effectively prancing. And it was really pissing Aya off, especially because these girls and their pinching was making his ass sore. Not that it wasn't already, after his Saturday night romp with Schuldig, but that was beside the point. Now it was sore inside and out.

"Ow!" Crash! Ken and a lot of pots and flowers and dirt fell into a nasty pile on the floor.

"Ken!!! You broke the daisy pot! How can I prance through daisies when you're breaking the daisy pots?" wailed Omi.

Aya jumped as a girl pinched him too hard and hit his head on a hanging pot, so that one crashed down and broke, too. "Who cares? If you're not going to buy anything, GET OUT!!!!!" he roared at the girls. They made squeaky noises and suddenly a crazy chick jumped in through the door and beat the living crap out of all of them (2) before leaping out the door and running off down the street screaming Cold's 'Stupid Girl,' as befit the occasion.

"What the fuck was that?" asked Schuldig as he walked into the shop, stepping on the new unconscious-fangirl carpet.

"Schwartz!" yelped Ken, jumping to his feet and then tripping on a body and falling on his ass.

"Oh, get over it. Everyone knows we're fucking each other," grumbled Aya.

"I didn't!" whined Ken. "How come I'm the last to know about everything?"

"Because you're dumb," said Schu.

"I'm not dumb, I just act like I am!"

Suddenly, a herd of cows came thundering down the street, trampling the mad fangirl-killing chick (btw, that was my cameo) as they went, and all the other civilians in their path. Omi leapt behind Yoji and climbed onto his back.

"K'so! What are you doing, Omi? We had this talk! Not until you're eighteen!"

"I turned eighteen a week ago, but that's not the point! There are cows!" wept the little blondie.

"So? They're cows. I eat them as hamburgers all the time," said Ken, getting knocked on his ass again by the vibrations from the running cows. No, not vibrations. Sonic waves. Not seismic, because those come from inside the earth. Sonic. Cause cows don't live beneath Earth's crust, amongst the magma….

Back to the story!

"How could you!" shrieked Crawford, suddenly appearing and slapping Ken across the face. "That's it! I'm leaving you for Manx!"

"But we were never together…."

Manx came in and stretched and yawned. "Mission time, boys. Oh, hi there, Braddykins," she purred, wrapping her arms around Crawford's neck and giving him one of those gross, disgustingly tongue-y obvious kisses that you just SHOULDN'T DO in public…. Okay, enough of that. Stomach turning.

"Wait for me!" squealed Nagi, racing through the door holding Farfarello's hand. Farfarello bent down to sniff at the fangirls.

"Beating the shit out of fangirls hurts God."

"No, I think it makes him happier, actually," said Ken. "I know it made me happier."

"Oh. Well, killing the happiness-giving fangirl-beater will hurt God!" cried Farf triumphantly.

"Too late. The cows got her," said Yoji. Omi shuddered, now kind of crouched on his shoulders with his arms wrapped around his forehead. This would have worked better if Omi wasn't freaking SEVENTEEN (no, EIGHTEEN!) and too big to do that. And to wet his bed, drink from a Sippy Cup ™, and suck on a pacifier. (3)

Not that Omi did THAT stuff.

"AAAAH! THE COWS ARE GONNA EAT ME!!!!!!" he shrieked instead.

"What?" Everyone looked at Omi, who was still hanging onto Yoji's head for dear life and going to make them both topple over into several ceramic pots of pansies. And daisies.

"Cows….eat….plants…." said Aya, very confused. He was wearing his shirt and nothing else, and he was standing behind the counter with a red face and Schuldig not in sight.

"Mrrrmmppphhh!" came a noise from behind the counter, below Aya's beltline.

"Shut up and keep sucking, Schuldig you bitch," growled Aya, smacking the… well, yeah.

"The cows stole my fun?" asked Farfarello, recovering from the shock. The cows were all standing outside the Koneko. They're dumb animals like that.

"THEY'LL KILL ME!"

"Shut up, Omi," said Nagi. "I know everyone thinks we'd be a cute couple, but you are such a little girl!"

Farfarello took out a knife and licked it. Crawford pulled Manx into the back room, because, for a gaijin, he actually had some faint notion of privacy (cough, cough, AYA AND SCHULDIG!!!). Aya and Schuldig continued to have sexual encounters behind the counter. Nagi gave Omi a snooty look. Omi clung to Yoji's head. Yoji decided this needed to stop and—hey! Omi was eighteen already? Shit, a whole week of catching up to do!

"Omi! You're eighteen? We've got a whole week to catch up on! Plus all those other years when you were underage!" cried Yoji, stumbling to the back room and spanking the monkey with Omi.

Ken shook his head and wondered why everyone was having sex or at least had someone to have sex with at some point, but he didn't. (Oops.) Then, an idea sprang into his head. He crashed through the back room's door and tossed Yoji off of Omi.

"Go screw the cows! I call Omi!" he yelled.

And then he pounced on Omi and Yoji looked back and forth between Omi and Ken and the cows. Omi and Ken…and the cows. Omi and Ken… oh, hell, the cows weren't so bad! Yoji ran out the door to catch up on all the cow-sex he'd missed out on. (I'm a bad person. I don't condone bestiality at ALL. Poor dumb beasts SHOULDN'T be abused like that! Unless it's by another dumb beast. Which, in this story, Yoji pretty much is. Hehe. Loophole!)

Then Farfarello leapt out onto the cows and began to kill them all for stealing his chance to kill the girl who'd beaten up the fangirls and had made God happy, thus stealing her death which made God sad but that he wanted to be responsible for because the more he made God suffer the happier he was. With his incredible logic, he killed the entire stampede, though they didn't move even when a pale-ass Irish psychopath leapt out of a flower shop and began to butcher them.

Yoji began to cry because his new fuck-buddies were dead and didn't moo when he fucked them.

Then Ken and Omi invited him to join in their games and he was happy again, and Farfarello went to take a shower so Nagi joined him and everyone had sex and was happy. And then, when everyone was happy and not so horny anymore, they went outside and got meat to make hamburgers with (Farf was VERY handy with the blender… and the meat processer….(4))

So, as they ate hamburgers, suddenly, the crazy fangirl-killing chick got up from the sidewalk, not dead like they'd thought. And she laughed an evil laugh, and said: "I'm still alive! I can still torment you people! HAHAHAHAHAH! Ok, I'm done." Then she began singing again, and everyone began to weep and beg for her to stop because she was sooooo awful. And they had a cookout and lived and fucked happily ever after.

Until the next time.

1) He ALWAYS ends up leaping through windows. No one else but Ken leaps randomly through windows.

2) Especially Sakura. I hate all those annoying fangirl types, actually, I hate every WK female character except for Manx and the Asuka Maki chicks, but they die—no I hate NEU too. But mostly, Sakura. She's annoying as fuck.

3) I call them Child Plugs. Living with a three-year-old does that. Maybe he can make an appearance in a later story…. Hmmmm….

4) Wait, WHY does the deranged lunatic have a meat processor? The same reason I have a computer, baby!

***Please understand that I am not fully sane. This story was a horrible mistake of nature, and I promise never to allow such horrible things to happen again. Assuming I don't get to a computer while drunk (don't worry, I won't be able to stay in the chair….) Anyway! If you review, don't bother with flames. I wasn't writing this looking for a fuckin Pulitzer anyhow.***