The Ecchi Adventures of Reanna and Akio

Episode Seven: "Space Probed! They're From Uranus?"

By Reanna King

This series is now twice as long as the length it was originally conceived to be. I want to extend my thanks to all of you people that faithfully read and review these stories. You've managed to build up my ego bigger than Akio's… libido. I have a very interesting idea for upcoming chapters. Expect some really crazy crossovers! As always, "The Ecchi Adventures of Reanna and Akio" is a lime (maybe more of a grapefruit) and contains suggestions and references of sex, probing, bondage, and lots of other fun stuff, but as always, nothing graphic. In short, it's REALLY PERVERTED!! You've been warned. What can you expect from Reanna the bondage chick? J (Yes, for those few who emailed me asking, I really do like bondage) Anyways, in the words of Douglas Adams, Share and Enjoy!! Let the citrusy goodness begin!

I found myself lying face down on a cold metal surface. I lifted my head and looked around, only to find that I couldn't see, as it was completely dark.

"Akio-san? Miki-chan? Is anybody there?" I called into the darkness.

"I think it's just you and me, Ri-chan…" I heard Akio's voice whisper.

"Gah, I hope not. And get your hand off my butt!"

"R—Reanna-sempai?" Miki's voice asked. "Juri-sempai? Are you there?"

Juri groaned. "Yes, I'm here… But I have such a headache… Where are we?"

"Let's see if we can find a light so we can find out…" I said, feeling around in the darkness for anything that felt like a light switch. After about ten seconds of searching, a light came on, blinding us temporarily.

"Ugh… good job, Reanna…" Juri muttered.

"I didn't do it…" I insisted, looking around me. "Hey, where are Utena, Anshi, Touga and Saionji?" They appeared to the only ones that were missing. In fact, the room we were in was very small, cylindrically shaped, and just large enough to fit the four of us. The concave walls were glowing green.

"Weird, huh?" Miki murmured. "I don't see a door or any way out."

"You mean we're trapped in here?!" I gasped. "Oh, I'm so scared…"

"It's okay…" Akio said, holding out his arms, only to be disappointed when I held Miki instead. "Okay," Akio said. "Let's get to the bottom of this." He knocked on the glowing green wall twice.

"Who's there?" a juvenile-sounding voice cracked back.

"Akio!"

"… Akio, who?" the voice asked, cracking.

"… Akio Ohtori!"

The voice paused. "… … That's the worst knock-knock joke I've ever heard!" it answered, going through at least three voice changes throughout the course of the sentence.

"Hello?" I yelled. "Let us out of here!!"

"Should we let 'em out, Clyn? I wanna see 'em closer!" the voice said after another pause.

"No, Nylc!" a more feminine voice replied. "You know we're not supposed to let our specimens out of their receptacles! They could carry some virulent Earth pathogen!"

"I don't like the sound of this…" Juri hissed.

"Yeah," Akio said. "They've already used three words that I don't know the meanings of…"

"They're obviously aliens from another planet…" Miki mused.

Akio's face brightened. "Hey, Ri-chan, maybe they'll strap us to tables and probe us and stuff!" He pounded on the wall again. "Hey! Do you aliens have tentacles?"

"Eep… I don't wanna be a specimen, Miki-chan!!" I wailed, resting my face on Miki's shoulder.

"Reanna-sempai… you're getting blood on my uniform…" Miki pointed out.

Just then, an opening appeared in the side of our little room, and we were met with the faces of our two captors. They looked a lot like people… except with blue scaly skin and antennae sticking out of hair that changed hue when they moved. One wore a baseball cap backwards, baggy jeans and a purple jersey… the other wore a silvery, quasi-futuristic version of the Ohtori girl's school uniform.

"W… what kind of aliens are you?" I asked fearfully.

"Uh…" the male one said, "teenage ones… who desperately need a subject for their science project!"

"SCIENCE PROJECT?!"

"You see," the female said, "My idiot partner, Nylc, spent the last week playing Tyeegno on his Ghbupkbwork and eating Dtynkpuoiks instead of doing research like he should have! And now we only have two days left to come up with a decent science project, and we happened to stumble on that little planet of yours… so we picked up a few specimens… and that's how you got here and why…"

"It's not my fault!" Nylc mumbled. "Mr. Reqtunkmk is so froopy…"

"I understand," I said, "… … I think."

"So, when are you going to start doing sexually indecent things to us?" Akio asked.

Nylc waved his hand. "Naw, that's extra credit stuff."

"Nylc, you know that with your grade you need all the extra credit you can get! And I'm not turning in a science project without giving 110%!"

"Yes, extra credit is good. Extra credit is great," Akio agreed. "I've always thought so."

"Akio, shut up!!" I hissed.

"Yeah, listen to the human girl," Nylc mumbled lazily.

"Nylc," Clyn said. "We live in a universe where we are free enough to fully explore our specimens, and here you are wasting the opportunity! Five million years ago, the policy was, "take nothing but Bteegs, leave nothing but crop circles and metal plates in people's heads.""

"Ask me if I care."

"Hey…" Juri said, "did you happen to abduct—er… pick up four other humans?"

Clyn nodded. "Yeah, they're in the receptacle beside you. We're keeping them in case we accidentally kill you."

**GULP**…

Clyn smiled sweetly. "So…" she said. "I take it the extra credit is okay with you?" she asked us.

Akio nodded. "Of course! Humans love being strapped to cold metal tables and done indecent things to while indecently exposed!"

"Really?" Clyn asked. "Oh, that's wonderful!"

"Akio, shut your mouth! Who said you get to be our representative?" I hissed, hitting him upside the head.

"Well, I'm the oldest one here, so I should get to be!" Akio said, resting his hand on his chest in a dignified manner.

Clyn decidedly was ignoring my protests. "How delightful! Now, I'd be just delighted if you two would both come with me."

Akio grabbed my wrists. "Come on, Ri-chan, this'll be a blast!"

"No, no no no no noooo I don't wanna be a science experiment!!!"

"Come on, Ri-chan, just walk… left foot… right foot… left foot… there you go… just take little baby steps toward the portal… that's it… come on…"

"NOOO!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! Miki-chan, tasuketeee…."

As soon as the door closed, Miki turned to Juri. "Juri-sempai, while they're gone, I think we should figure out how to get the others out."

"Okay, then…" Juri murmured, turning to a control panel facing the other green container that supposedly held Utena, Anshi, Touga and Saionji. "Hmm…" she said, perusing it carefully. The panel was covered with buttons, switches, levers, and blinking lights. "Let's see…" She landed a carefully planned out blow to the side of the control panel, and then smashed the top of the panel cautiously and decidedly. Immediately, the container popped open.

Anshi smiled sweetly at the two of them. "Ah, you've finally figured out how the auxiliary capacitor works! Good for you!"

Touga, in the meantime, was in the process of flicking Saionji's nose. "OOWWWW!" Saionji howled. "That hurt!!"

"Uh…" Utena asked. "Where are Akio and Reanna?"

Miki looked uneasy. "Uh… they're off somewhere else being sexually violated and experimented on and stuff."

"Willingly?"

"Uh… I guess you could say… partly willingly."

(This was accentuated by a distant scream)

Anshi smiled. "Oh, yes, that's right…"

Utena turned to Anshi. "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, nothing…"

"Ow! Stop pulling my hair!"

"Then you stop boxing my ear! Ow! You moron!!"

Meanwhile…

"Hey, Reanna?"

"What?"

"Did you ever imagine that you'd ever find yourself naked and strapped to a table and experimented on in an alien space ship?"

I sighed. "Well… the fact that you're here is a surprise…"

"Okay," Clyn said. "First up…" She held up something that looked like a vacuum cleaner tube with a funnel stuck on the end. "Let's see… I'm not sure how high to turn it up, or where it goes, but let's just wing it, huh? Heh, I'm not even sure what it's supposed to do…"

"Akio, you are so going to die for this… oh! Ooh! Oh, a little to the left… oooh yeah… uh, I mean, stop it! Don't!…"

"Oh, just relax."

Clyn smiled. "Okay, next test…" She pulled out an elaborate looking metal apparatus. It looked very scary and very cold. "You may want to avert your eyes for a second…"

"Help me…"

Meanwhile again…

"Okay," Utena said. "I think that the first thing we should do is think up a way to free Reanna and Akio. Does anybody have any ideas that don't involve us getting hurt, killed, jettisoned or experimented on?"

"I have an idea," said Touga.

"No, you don't!"

"Yes, I do!"

"No, you don't!"

"Shut up!"

"You shut up first!"

You guessed it. Meanwhile…

"Wait, wait!" I said.

"Something wrong?" Clyn asked.

"What are you doing with that thing?"

She smiled wryly. "I think it would be best if I didn't tell you. Nylc, would you turn on that thingie over there?"

"DON'T USE THINGS ON ME THAT YOU CAN'T NAME!!!!"

"Hey, me first this time…" Akio said.

"SHUT UP!! Somebody get me out of here…"

And… meanwhile…

"Okay, I think I figured out how to get this door open," Miki said.

"How?" Utena asked.

"Well, you just push this button," Miki said, pointing to a small red button.

"Here, let me do it," Saionji said.

"I could push that button way better than you could!"

"Get real! I'm the best button pusher around here!"

"Get out of my way!"

Guess what?

"Okay, no more… I'm gonna explode…"

"Oh, dear," Clyn said. "I had no idea that humans were capable of self-detonation…"

**whine…**

"Okay, now for the probe…"

"No, no no!! I've had enough! No more!!"

"Oh, stop struggling, Ri-chan, how bad can it be?"

"I'll struggle as much as I wanna! MIKI-CHAN!! COME AND SAVE ME FROM THE HENTAI ALIENS!! … … … wait… what kind of test is THAT thing for?"

"Test?" Clyn asked, holding up a new bit of apparatus (use your imagination). "Oh, this isn't for a test! This is just for fun!"

"…. … … … AAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

Ahem. Let's return to the others, shall we?

"Here, I'll push it," Utena said, and reached out to push the button.

Just then the door opened, and Reanna and Akio came out.

"Hggnn…" I moaned as I staggered in. "Miki-chan, it was awful, they… and they… and… then… and then… they… ggaaaahhhhh… too tired."

"Oh, dear…" Anshi said.

"Well, I don't see what she's whining about, I had a great time."

Utena turned to Clyn and Nylc. "Listen, there must be more to your science project than just this. Something that doesn't involve us being indecently exposed?"

Clyn nodded. "Oh, of course! We still have many other studies to do! You'll be here for… at least a day more!"

"I wanna go home…"

"Say…" Akio said. "Can I have access to that room whenever I like?" he asked, pointing to the room we were just in.

"Wait a minute…" Nylc said. "Female human… what's that in your pocket?" he asked, pointing to me.

"Uh…" I said nervously, pulling out an elaborate metal apparatus. "Sorry…" I handed it back to Clyn. "I… uh… wanted a souvenir?"

"It's YOUR fault Reanna's such a pervert!" Touga growled.

"You are most definitely to blame for Reanna's pervertedness!" Saionji countered.

"Shut up!" Touga poked Saionji in the eye.

"Go to hell!" Saionji kneed Touga in the groin.

"Wow…" Clyn said to Nylc. "Humans are more fascinating than I thought they'd be."

"I'm glad I'm not a human," Nylc said. "They're all weirdos."

"In either case…" Clyn said to us. "I have another request to ask of you."

"What do you want from us now?" I asked.

"Well… I'd like to be able to witness two of you procreate so that we can learn how it's done in humans."

"No. NO way. You must be joking. I'd never do it with Akio, and I'd definitely never do it with two aliens watching me!" I yelled.

"Come now, Reanna, it's for science…"

"Oh, and plus, I don't like older men!!" I yelled at him.

Akio sighed. "Well, in that case…" He pulled something out of the hammerspace within his pants—a stack of videotapes. "Here. This should tell you everything you need to know about how humans procreate."

Clyn looked overjoyed. "Oh, this is wonderful!" She took the tapes. "Come on, Nylc, let's go watch these."

"Aw, okay…" Nylc mumbled. They both walked off.

"Oh, by the way," Clyn said. "Your sleeping quarters are over there!" She pointed at a wall where there were several doors leading to four separate rooms.

That night…

"Akio-san?" I said into the darkness.

"Yeah, what?" I heard his voice reply.

"Nothing. I was just making sure you were still far away from me… … … well, I do have a question…"

"What's that?"

"An interrogative statement used to obtain information. … … But what I want to know is: back on the island, how come the volcano said I wasn't a virgin?"

It was a few seconds before Akio replied. "That is a secret."

"What?! How dare you imitate my Xelloss-sama!!" I reached out and yanked his ponytail.

"OWWWW!! I thought you'd think it was funny!! Ow…"

The next morning, I was the last one to get up. Even then, I was woken up by Miki.

"Reanna-sempai! Something terrible has happened!" he said, shaking me awake.

I opened my eyes sluggishly. "What, did Akio declare it "Birthday Suit Day" again?"

"Worse! The aliens have watched Akio's videos and decided that based on them and our previous behavior, that the human race is too sick to live and must be exterminated!!"

I threw my blanket aside and popped out of bed. "WHAT??!! What the hell kind of videos did he give them, anyway??!!"

"It's not my fault!" Akio's voice called distantly. "You're the one who didn't want to show them in the first place!!"

"That's right, it's your fault!" Saionji's voice roared.

"Your fault! All your fault!" Touga's voice retaliated.

I shouted above the sounds of slugging and kicking, "We have to stop them! Wait… these are just teenagers, right? They can't destroy a planet!"

"They have weapons capable of doing so!" Miki told us.

"So the problem of youths possessing weapons is not isolated only to our planet," Juri muttered.

"Wait…" Utena said. "If they destroy the Earth, what will happen to us? Will they kill us too?"

Miki shook his head solemnly. "Our only alternative is to save the planet and escape from this ship somehow. I don't know how we'll get out of this room, let alone the ship. They've locked us all in this room, and as far as I can see, there's no way out."

"Don't worry!" Utena said heroically. "I, Prince Utena, will find a way to save us all and save our planet!" From out of nowhere, a heroic fanfare played. Meanwhile, Touga and Saionji were bashing each other over the head with pillows.

"Quit it!" I yelled. "We have to figure out how to escape!"

Saionji pointed at the porthole in the wall. "Can't we just get out through that window?"

"Oh, sure…" I said. "Then we'd have thirty seconds to get inside before we either ran out of air or our blood began to boil!"

"Ha, ha, ya moron…" Touga laughed.

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"You shut up first!"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!!" Juri screamed.

"Thank you, Juri," I smiled.

"Don't mention it," she replied wryly.

"Everybody!" Miki called from the closet. "Look! There are space suits in this closet!"

"Yaaaay!" I cried. "How many are there in there?" I counted everyone present. Me, Miki, Akio, Juri, Touga, Utena, Anshi and Saionji… I highly doubted there would be eight space suits in that closet.

"Uh… we have four here. But, fortunately, they're designed for very large organisms."

"Boo-yah!" Akio hooted.

"I said orgaNIsms!" Miki said.

"Aw…"

"Ahem… anyway, we might be able to squeeze two people into a space suit." He brought over the four spacesuits.

"WHAT??!!" everyone cried.

"Well then, let's go!" Akio said, picking me up and dumping me into a spacesuit.

"Nooo… I don't wanna share a spacesuit with Akio!" I wailed even as Akio jumped into join me and fastened up the suit.

Miki and Juri quickly hopped into a suit, followed by Utena with Anshi, just as we heard pounding on the door of our room.

Touga glared at Saionji. "There's no way I'm getting into a suit with him!"

"Likewise!" Saionji roared.

"Okay, Clyn, I'm gonna blast the door down…" a voice from behind the door said.

"Oh, we never should have gotten humans…" another voice groaned.

"Hurry up!" Miki said to Touga and Saionji.

"No."

"No way!"

A laser blast shook the room.

"GET IN THE FRICKIN' SPACE SUIT!!"

"… Will do!"

"Roger!"

Touga and Saionji hopped into the space suit and fastened it closed.

"Okay, everyone, let's escape!" Utena cried, winding up her space suited fist and sending it into the large porthole. "PRINCE PUNCH ATTACK!"

The glass didn't even crack. "Aw, nuts…" Utena muttered.

Miki and Juri approached the glass. "I believe that a small amount of additional kinetic energy will be sufficient to fracture the glass." He tapped the glass and it shattered, sucking all eight of us out into space.

"Come on!" Miki said. "Let's find a docking bay or something we can get in through!"

"Akio, move over, you're squishing me!"

"Uph… sorry…"

"Jeez, for there only being two in here…"

"Well…" Akio smirked. "That's not exactly true."

"What do you—"

"CHI!"

"CHA!!"

"N- N- NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

"Uh… Ri-chan… I don't like to complain, but you take up twice as much space when you're thrashing and whaling around like that…"

"WELL EXCUSE ME!! Somebody get me out of this damn space suit… I wanna go home…"

"Hey, everyone!" Miki's voice called over the radio. "I found a hatch that we can use to get back into the ship!"

Utena reached out to the handle, but was interrupted by a computer voice.

"Please give password to gain entry."

"Password?"

"Don't worry!" I said. "I saw this once on Tenchi!" I began bashing, punching and kicking the computer console.

"Bash… punch… punch… kick… bash… punch… … … confirming password…"

"Yes! Good job, Reanna!" Utena cheered.

The computer beeped. "Sorry. That was LAST week's password. Prepare for annihilation." A huge laser next to the console turned red and prepared to fire.

"Aw, crap…" I muttered, slapping my forehead.

Touga and Saionji began slugging it out within their space suit, of course, blaming each other for our eminent death.

"Guys, this is no time for that, we're gonna die!"

Akio grinned sexily. "You don't wanna die a virgin, do you?"

"YEEK! Akio, DON'T TOUCH ME!! Get your hands OFF…"

Suddenly, Touga and Saionji's suit went careening into the computer console from the force of their blows.

The computer hummed for a moment. "Bash… punch… punch… kick… bash… punch… crash… … password confirmed. Entry admitted."

"It's a miracle!" Miki cheered.

"WHAAAAT??!!" Juri roared.

"Uh… I mean… it's a strange twist of fate that turned the tables in our favor by sheer luck?" Miki squeaked.

"Never mind that!" Utena said. "Let's just go inside!"

We went in through the hatchway and made our way to the bridge, knowing that we might not have much time left to save the Earth. We changed out of our spacesuits and ran into the control room… where we were met with Nylc and Clyn holding laser guns at us.

"Don't move, Earth beings!" Nylc said.

"Oh…" Clyn wept. "I knew we should have gotten some cute, fuzzy forest animals…"

Akio smirked nastily. "You mean… like these?" He held up Chi-Chi and Cha-Cha.

Yay! Finally, I wasn't on the end of Chi-Chi and Cha-Cha's abuse! "Chi-Chi! Cha-Cha!" I cried. "Go to it!"

Chi-Chi and Cha-Cha jumped into my clothes.

"No… not… meeeee…"

"Chi-Chi! Cha-Cha!" Akio said to them. "Get the… uh… where are they from… Plutonians?"

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

"I said Plutonians! Uh… the… Neptunians…?"

"No! Not that! Stoppit! AAAAHH…"

"Get the Venusians?"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"Are you two deaf? I said… uh… get the… Jovians?"

I pounded on the floor. "STOP NAMING PLANETS!! CUT IT OUT!!"

"Oh, we're not from any of those places," Clyn said. "We're from Uranus!"

"No! Anything but that! Noooo… ACK! …."

"Listen," Utena said while I was busy writhing on the floor. "Isn't there anything we can do to make you leave us alone and not destroy our planet?"

"Well…" Clyn said. "We'll spare your planet if you let us do our report on those creatures that are currently molesting your female."

"Done!" I panted. "Take them! Please!" I reached and extracted a pair of slimy monkey-mice from my pants and tossed them at the aliens. "Can we go now?"

"Absolutely!" Clyn said happily. "The door on your left will take you to the escape pods."

"YAAY!" we all cried, running out of the room and cramming ourselves into an escape pod.

"Okay… Akio, hit that lever and we're out of here."

Soon, we were ejected from the ship like a cork popping out of a gun, and speeding toward the Earth.

"Uh… does anybody know how to steer this thing?"

… …

"HELP US!!"

Not long after, we crash-landed on the Earth, the escape pod mangled and bashed up. But something was strange about what we saw.

"Hey… I didn't know the Earth had cat people and dragons…" Anshi murmured.

A wolf man walked up to us. "Hello… I don't recall seeing you around here."

"Tell us…" I said, peeling myself from the wreckage. "Where are we?"

"Well," he said, looking over his shoulder. "You're just a few miles from Fanelia…"

"Fanelia?! You mean… this planet is…?"

The wolf laughed. "Gaia, of course!"

TO BE CONTINUED…

Preview of the next:

Where are we going now? Who will we meet there?

AND WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE WILL WE GET INTO?

All these questions, and some questions you never wanted to

know the answers to will be answered in:

The Ecchi Adventures of Reanna and Akio, Episode Eight:

"Dude, Where's my Melef?"

"…. … … … AAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"