The Ecchi Adventures of Reanna and Akio
Episode Nine: "Achira! Kochira! More Adventures in the World of Escaflowne!"
By Reanna King
Notes: For those of you wondering how long each crossover will be, I was originally planning on having it be two episodes for one crossover. But now I'm thinking each one will be however long I feel it needs to be. :)
For those of you wondering what a Tentacruel is,... as its name implies, it is a six-foot blue jellyfish Pokémon with lots of long gray tentacles, and a favorite among Poké-hentai like me! Speaking of which, this is a lime for incidents of non-graphic tentacle bondage and molestation. If you don't like the picture this conjures, please don't hesitate to read something less citrussy.
On. And don't ask me how Saionji managed to get into Escaflowne, because I don't know. I was being molested at the time, remember? :\
 

Was it a dream? Or a vision? Now, I am definitely trapped inside a bedroom in the Fanelia palace with what is definitely a very hentai Tentacruel that is definitely has something planned that is definitely not good!
"Cruel..." The Tentacruel lifted up the hem of my nightgown inquisitively.
"EEK! Don't do that! Get away!!" But I was already backed into a corner of the room! I tried whacking it with a pillow. Didn't help much. It's times like this... when you're about to be molested by a hentai Pokémon... that you feel like whining.
"I don't wanna be Miko Mido..."
**********
Van, Celena, Allen, Hitomi, Merle, Akio, Utena, Anshi, Juri, and Miki ran down the long and immense hallways of Fanelia palace.
"Wait!" Utena said. "That's Reanna's room, right there!" She pointed at a door, where terrified screams were barely getting past the thick wood of the door. "We just can't leave her like this!"
"Is someone out there? Somebody help me!" I wailed.
"We need to save Fanelia first!" Van said, both to those standing next to him and to me.
"Is that so?" I cried.
"Nya... I feel sorry for her... even if she is weird..." Merle muttered.
"Stoppit! Put me down right now! Let me go!" I screamed.
Akio stood up straight. "I'm going in there. The rest of you go on ahead!"
"It's dangerous in there!" Juri said.
"I know... but I wouldn't miss this for the world!" Akio winked.
"Shouldn't known..."
"Don't worry! I'll save Ri-chan... eventually!"
**MASS FACEFAULT**
**********
Just when I thought all was lost... and it was getting pretty darn close... I saw the door open on the other side of the room.
"Akio-san! You came to save me!"
Akio shrugged. "Yeah... I guess I really am a prince after all."
"Well, hurry up and... YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!! Stoppit stoppit stoppit stoppit stoppit!!!"
"Wow..." Akio murmured and stared in awe... then frowned. "Man... I feel really inadequate as a male right now..."
**********
"I hope Akio will be okay in there..." Van said as the remaining nine people ran toward where all the commotion was taking place.
"Oh, Akio doesn't have to worry..." Utena said.
Van stopped in front of a stained glass window that was cracked from all the stress the building had been put under in the past half hour. "Why?"
"Uh... don't you know what's probably happening to Reanna right now?"
Van shook his head. Juri sighed, and explained. Hitomi fainted.
"Oh, great..." Allen said. He rubbed his chin. "Okay. Miki!"
"Hai!"
"You and Utena and Anshi stay with Celena and Hitomi while we take care of Escaflowne and Schezarade!"
"Hai!" they all said.
**********
"Akio, hurry up!" I cried.
"Sure, okay, in a minute..."
I heard a clicking sound. Then another. And another. I looked up at Akio and saw him holding a Polaroid camera. CLICK! "Ooh, there's a nice angle!"
"DON'T TAKE PICTURES!!" I screamed angrily, struggling for all I was worth.
"Come on, these will look great online..."
"LIKE HELL! I'LL BURN 'EM!!"
"Relax, Ri-chan! Someday we'll both look at these pictures and laugh... or at least nosebleed."
"SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!... EEK! OW! Hey, that hurts! Stop that! Akio... hurry up... and... save me..."
**********
"Here," Juri said. "Use those Melefs up there!"
"But..." Allen whined.
"But..." Van said.
"WE WANT OUR MELEFS!" they both yelled.
"I got the fighting music!" Merle said, holding up a CD player and switching on "Dance of Curse."
**facefault**
**********
Akio sighed. "Oh, all right..." He pulled a small sphere (about the size of a large marble) out of his pocket and pushed a button on it, whereupon it great to about the size of his fist.
"W-what's that?"
**********
Allen and Van stood not-so-proudly in a pair of old Melefs that they had managed to find.
"If they even nick my Schezarade, I'm gonna..." Allen growled.
"JUST GET OUT THERE!" Juri screamed.
"Ryoukai!"
"Roger that!"
**********
Utena looked out the window at all the Melefs. "I'm just burning to get out there and fight..."
"W... what did you say?" Celena asked as Hitomi was just beginning to wake up again.
"I said I'm just burning to get out there and fight with them!" Utena said.
"Uh oh..." Miki murmured.
**********
Akio held the sphere up. "Chibi Akio, I choose you!"
"What the hell...?"
In a flash of light, a tiny chibi version of Akio flew out of the Pokéball and landed gracefully on the floor. "Ah! Akio! Ah Kio!"
**********
"Allen, look!" Van cried. "They've scratched Schezarade's sword!"
"NANI??!!! My perfect record?! Shattered, just like that??!!" Allen roared. "Let's get them," he growled.
"That's right, get 'em! And plug 'em one for me!!" Juri screamed through a microphone from on top of one of the taller buildings as Merle played "Epistle."
**********
"Fire... fire... fire... MOERO!!! MOEEEEROOOOOOOO!!" Celena whirled around to reveal... Dilandau!
Hitomi fainted. (This joke's getting old isn't it?)
"Now you've done it!" Miki said.
"S-sorry! Utena cried.
There was fire blazing in Dilandau's eyes as he advanced closer and closer... Dilandau giggled maniacally... just before he was tackled by someone who ran into the room unusually fast and pinned down the raging psycho with ease.
The man was somewhat unkempt looking, with unshaven stubble on his chin and cheeks. He smirked at everyone in the room. "Hey... I'm Dryden."
**********
"A Chibi Akio Pokémon? Where'd you get that?"
"Oh, I'll tell you later... Chibi Akio, you know what to do!"
"Ah! Ko! OOOOOOO!!!" Chibi Akio dove onto the Tentacruel with a fierce battle cry. It stood up from atop Tentacruel's head. It glanced down at the Tentacruel... then at me... then at the Tentacruel... then at me... all the while looking very… very cute.
"Chibi Akio-san..." I gasped. "H-hurry..."
Chibi Akio nodded. "Kio!"
"Ri-chan, you may want to shut your eyes... this may get gruesome..." Akio told me.
**********
"You idiots!" Van yelled. "Stoppit, right now, or you'll destroy Fanelia!"
"Wow! This is great stress relief!" Touga cried. "I can just cut loose in this thing!"
"This is incredible!" Saionji said. "Hey, Touga, let's join together and show these guys what we're made of!"
"I'm up for it!"
**Gulp...**
**********
"So, that's what's going on, huh?" Dryden asked as he finished typing up Dilandau. "Say, did you say Akio was here?"
"Yes. Why?" Anshi asked.
"Hmm... it's been a while since I've seen him," Dryden smiled.
**********
"You can open your eyes now, Ri-chan!"
When I opened my eyes, I was free at last and the Tentacruel lay in pieces all over the room.
"AKIO!" Chibi Akio squeaked, making the "victory" sign with its tiny hand. I sighed with relief.
I put on some decent clothes while Akio apologized profusely (but probably not sincerely) and explained the current threat to Fanelia.
"Well then! Let's get out there and help them!" I said.
"Sure... Hey, aren't you going to thank me for saving you?"
"Nope. It was your fault this happened to me in the first place. Your thanks is that I won't boot you in the head over this."
"Oh, thanks," Akio sighed. "Okay. Come on, Chibi Akio!"
"Ah! Kio!"
**********
"Okay. Let's go," Allen growled. "You'll pay for scratching up my precious Schezarade!"
Allen and Van charged at Touga and Saionji in typical anime fashion.
"That's it! Get them! GET THEM!" Juri roared.
"Wow! This is exciting!" Merle giggled, as she ran into the room where Utena, Anshi, Miki, Hitomi and Dryden stood, and where Dilandau still lay tied up on the floor.
"Can Allen and Van really beat Touga and Saionji?" Anshi asked.
"My Van-sama can do anything!" Merle said.
"We're back, everyone!" I shouted, running into the room.
"Reanna-sampai!" Miki said. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah!"
"Still a virgin?" Utena asked.
"Yup!" I grinned and flashed the "victory" sign and proceeded to drool over Dryden.
But then we looked up to see Akio and Dryden staring intently at each other.
"Akio."
"Dryden."
"Wow," Utena said. "Their voices are really similar! Wait... you know each other?"
They both nodded. As if caused by this, the room suddenly shuddered.
"They're still fighting out there?!" I asked. "Isn't there anything we can do to stop them?"
Everyone shook their heads. "It's in the hands of Allen and Van now."
"I may have an idea," a new voice said from behind us. We turned to see who the newcomer was.
"It's you!"
**********
"I can't take much more of this..." Van said. "Allen! How about you?"
Allen barely gasped out, "Can't... let... them... win... ... Must... stop... using... so many... ellipses..."
"Hey, Touga..." Saionji said, "Did it occur to you that this may not be such a good idea?"
"Yeah, maybe..."
"... ... Nah!"
And so... the carnage continued.
**********
"Mole Man!" I cried.
Akio was taken aback. "Ri-chan! He's fat, he's ugly, he's a very minor character... what's so great about him?"
Mole Man smiled.
"He's just cool! Anyways... what's your idea?" I asked.
Mole Man smiled and adjusted his bifocals. "You're a pretentious self-insertion, right? Why not invoke your pretentious self-insertion powers to stop those two from fighting?"
I snapped my fingers. That's right! "Say, I forgot about that! But... I can only use them once every couple episodes..."
"Powers?! You never told me you had powers!" Akio said.
"All pretentious self-insertions have powers or unrealistic abilities," Miki explained.
"Come to think of it," Juri said, "there have been quite a few incidents that have played so favorably into Reanna-sempai's hands that it seemed just too good to be true..."
"That's right..." I said. "How else could I be forced to watch hours of hentai without getting at least a little horny? I invoked my pretentious self-insertion powers!"
"When did that happen?"
"I don't know...?"
"Ri-chan, when else?"
"Oh, let's see... when the volcano said that I wasn't a virgin in episode six... I did that... that was very pretentious on my part! And when in episode seven when Touga and Saionji crashed into that control panel, accidentally entering a password correctly and preventing us from getting blasted... that was me too!"
I got a lot of skeptical looks.
"Why couldn't you have just directly solved the problem... like using your powers to find out the password?" Anshi asked.
"Oh, that would have been too obvious! And... sometimes my powers aren't strong enough to be that conspicuous," I explained.
"Come on, Reanna, I want to see your powers!" Utena said.
"Oh... ... okay, but I won't be able to use them again for a while..." I said. "OH DEITY OF PRETENTIOUSNESS!" I cried. "In the name of self-insertions everywhere... lend me your power!"
**********
"Hey! I can't steer this thing!"
"What the hell?! It's not moving!"
Van and Allen looked up. The crazed duelists had stopped fighting. Escaflowne and Schezarade weren't even moving.
"How did that happen?"
**********
I sighed. "There."
Touga, Saionji, Van and Allen landed, in a heap, on the floor.
I smiled. "I had them all teleported here, just for good measure."
"I was beginning to wonder when you would invoke your powers..." Touga said.
"Powers?" Saionji asked.
"You moron!" Touga hissed.
"You see, Saionji..." I explained to him about my very pretentious and show-offy powers. "You see, every blatant or pretentious self-insertion (and nearly all of them are one or both of these) has unrealistic powers and abilities, but you have to apply for them by filling out a lot of annoying paperwork. The more blatant and pretentious you are, the more powers you get."
"I see... I think," Saionji said.
"This whole scene is pretty pretentious..." Akio mumbled.
"Thanks a lot," I said flatly. "Unfortunately, I'm not that pretentious. I don't have any special abilities, I'm not usually immune to physical harm, I'm not a duelist, I'm constantly sexually put-upon, (insert glare at Akio here) I'm certainly not all-knowing, and no member of the cast is in love with me..."
"What about me?" Akio asked.
"That's called lust," I said flatly.
"Ooh, that remark was pretty pretentious too..." Utena noted.
"What's pretentious mean?" Saionji asked.
"You stupid jellyfish!" Touga said.
"TENTACRUEL..." Suddenly a mass of tentacles loomed in front of me.
"Eep! Don't say that word!" I cried, fleeing from the feral Tentacruel. "From now on, NOBODY EVER SAY THAT WORD!"
"Uh... did we miss something?" Touga asked.
"EEK! GET YOUR SLIMY TENTACLES OFF OF ME!"
Akio sighed. "Chibi Akio, I choose you..."
"Ah! Kio!"
"You know what to do..." Akio turned to me. "Ri-chan, next time I'm letting it rough you up a bit first!"
"LIKE HELL YOU ARE!"
"Hey, what's that on the floor?" Van asked.
"They fell out of Akio's pocket when he took out the Pokéball," Touga said.
Hitomi picked them up. "Why, these are... oh dear..." She fainted.
Touga snatched them up. "Photographs? ... Wow, that's randy! Heh heh... Akio, can I have this one?"
"YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY OF THEM BECAUSE I'M BURNING THEM ALL!"
"BURN?! Heehee... heeheehee... MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!"
"Oh, shit..."
Dilandau broke free of his ropes in a maniacal rage, laughing crazily. "FREE!!" He drew his sword and began brandishing it in a blind frenzy.
"Not again!" Allen moaned.
"Let me go, or I'll make you into sushi!" I screamed. "Tentacruel! Hold on a minute!"
"... cruel?"
"Whisper whisper whisper whisper whisper..."
"Cruel?!"
"Please? Please?"
"Tenta... cruel?"
"Sigh... I promise, now put me down and go get the psycho!" I can't believe I'm doing this...
"CRUEL!!" Tentacruel lunged at Dilandau.
"W-what the hell?!!" Dilandau screamed just before he was picked up.
"O HO HO HO HO HO HO HO!!"
"Reanna, don't laugh like Naga... please..." Miki groaned.
"Sorry."
Akio looked at me skeptically. "Ri-chan... how did you get the Tentacruel to put you down?"
I looked up at Akio. "Well..."
Akio frowned. "You told it that it could have you if it did you this favor, didn't you?"
I bowed my head shamefully. "Yeah, I did."
Akio grinned. "Can I watch?"
"NO!"
"Reanna! That was a brave sacrifice! I really admire your bravery!" Utena said.
"You just did it because you LIKED being molested by the Tentacruel," Saionji sneered.
"Shut up! Leave me alone!"
"Yeah!" Touga yelled and whacked Saionji upside the head. "Shut up! Leave her alone!"
"Uh? Hello?" Celena called. "I don't like the way this thing is looking at me..."
"Damn!" Allen cried. "Reanna, hurry, before my sister gets..."
Hitomi fainted.
"Tentacruel, that's enough!" I cried.
Tentacruel looked disappointed. "Cruel..." It put down Celena and came over to me and made an unmistakable gesture with its tentacles. (use your imagination) "Cruel? Cruel! Tentacruel..."
"Eep! N-not so fast..."
"Aww, Reanna, I think it really likes you," Anshi smiled.
"Oh goodie..."
Akio turned to me and took something out of his pocket. "Ri-chan!" He threw me a Pokéball.
I caught the ball. "I don't know where you got it, but..." I threw the Pokéball at the Tentacruel, which teleported inside the ball with a flash of light.
Akio smirked. "Looks like it belongs to you now, Ri-chan."
"Yeah," I said, picking up the Pokéball. "But now I get to tell it when it can come out."
Juri raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to keep your promise to it?"
I looked guiltily at her. "I... didn't intend to..."
"Reanna-sempai! That's unfair!" Miki said.
"WHAT??!!!" I screamed. "Do you WANT me to get molested again?"
"You're the one who made that promise," Miki pointed out. "You should keep your promises, Reanna-sempai."
I sighed. "Can we discuss this later?" I stuck the Pokéball in my pocket.
"Indeed," Allen said. "We still have to figure out how to change Celena back to normal."
"Hmm..." Utena said. "Did anything unusual happen just before Celena changed for the first time?"
"Nothing, really..." Allen said. "Except... a pot fell off the shelf and hit her on the head. Could that have done it?"
"Well, there's only one way to find out!" Saionji said. "Just hit her over the head again!"
"I couldn't do that!"
Saionji shrugged. "All right then. Hey, Celena... Fire!"
"F-fire?"
"Yeah, fire. Burning fire!"
"B-burn?"
"Saionji! What the hell are you doing???!!!!"
"Heehee... muwahahahahhaha!!! Moero... moero!!"
"BOP!"
"B-bu... burn... heehee..." Dilandau thumped onto the floor, unconscious, and turned back into Celena.
There was a pause.
"Did it work?" Touga asked.
Van shrugged. "We can only find out when she wakes up."
"Say," I said. "How are we going to get back to our own world?"
Miki nodded. "Indeed. Are we merely on a different planet or in a different dimension entirely?"
"Hmm... what about those shafts of white light that are so common in this world?" Touga said.
I turned to Hitomi, who was just regaining consciousness. "Hitomi! Could you send us back to our world?"
"Perhaps..."
Celena sat up with a start. "Oh dear! What's happened?"
Allen looked down at Celena and sighed. "Fire."
"... Fire? What about it?" she asked.
Allen smiled. "She's cured! You've done it!"
Saionji sighed. "Good. Now we can go home."
"Oh, good," Anshi said. "Of course, it isn't as if we haven't enjoyed our time here, King Van."
And as if on cue, a shaft of white light shone down and engulfed all of us.
"Good timing," I muttered as I felt my feet hit the ground.
"We're going home at last," Juri said.
"Goodbye!" Miki called.
"Bye, everyone!" I called.
THUMP! I felt my head hit the ceiling. "Oops. Let's try that again."

FINAL SCENE, TAKE TWO
And as if on cue, a shaft of white light shone down and engulfed all of us.
"Good timing," I muttered as I felt my feet hit the ground.
"We're going home at last," Juri said.
"Goodbye!" Miki called.
"Bye, everyone!" I called and realized that we were going through the ceiling and out into the night sky.
"Well..." Akio said. "I wonder where we'll end up next."
"Hopefully it's home," Juri said.
We looked out over the Gaia landscape laid out before us, and out to the starry sky with the Earth and Moon hanging above.
"It's beautiful!" Anshi said.
Suddenly, there was a flash of light and everything disappeared.

I opened my eyes. The sun was out and we appeared to be in the middle of a woods.
"Where are we?" Miki asked. "Are we in the Dueling Forest?"
"Perhaps we never left Fanelia..." Juri said.
"It's your fault we didn't make it home!"
"It's your fault!"
Just then, two shadows fell over us.
Then... the shadows spoke.
"Prepare for trouble!"
"Make it double!"

to be continued...

preview of the next...
We're not home? Then where are we?
Can I live with Pokémon?
Can I keep from getting infatuated with Kojiro?
And will Akio be able to give the Pokémon collecting a rest?
All these questions, and some questions you never wanted to
know the answers to will be answered in:
The Ecchi Adventures of Reanna and Akio, Episode Ten:
"I Don't Want to Live in a Pokémon World!"

"DON'T TAKE PICTURES!!"