This is my first angst-type fic. Please be kind.
These characters are property of Hudson soft/takara, beyblade project TV
Tokyo.
*********
He, as usual, was staring coldly out the window with his deep crimson eyes. He focused on a dead tree branch, ignoring all that was going on around him. He lifted his hand from his pocket and rested it on the pane of frigid glass in front of him. Still ignoring his surroundings, he used his other hand to smash through the window.
The loud sound forced another to raise his head and find the source of the commotion. Upon seeing the broken pane, the boy felt his eyes welling with tears. He ran to the window, now pouring cold air into the room. Accidentally touching the pane, he cut his palm, and blood, almost the same color as the others eyes, began sliding over his wrist, and down his arm.
The one that had smashed the glass also received an injury. A neat cut over his left knuckles. Looking over his shoulder, he saw the other that had been in the room watching him run. His blue hair waving in the wind, he kept running. Not knowing where, not knowing why. Just running from the pain and chaos he chose to ignore every day. Little did he know, his knuckles were dripping his bright blood into the pale snow.
Back at the window, the other boy had let his tears fall. He looked up to the other, in all ways. For morale support, as a leader, and not to mention the fact he was almost ten centimetres shorter than the other. It pained him to see the blood trail behind the taller boy, ignoring his own cut. But, deciding against ignoring the blood, he unwrapped his ankle length hair, and ripped the biding cloth in half, and tied part of it around his own hand. Placing the other half in his pocket, he turned from the window and ran in the direction the other had.
Following the trail of crimson against the white snow, the smaller boy was on the others trail. But the other had come to a stop, many kilometres away. Out of breath, he sat down, on the snow, under a tree. He finally felt a sharp pain in his hand, and looked. Realizing he had cut himself, he remained surprisingly calm. He didn't know why he had run, or why he had smashed the window. Heading deep into thought, he went over what had happened to him in the last few weeks.
He had fled his team of BeyBladers as soon as the world finals were over, but the other from his team had followed him. He went to a place he knew as a child, when he had still been living in Russia. This was where he had been for the past few weeks, the other in the background. He ignored the other, but he still stayed. All he did was try to talk to the boy in question, but never got an answer. If he wasn't doing that, he was cleaning, or was out shopping. Why am I still alive? I hate this world and all the people in it. DIE! He thought as he pounded the snow with his fist.
The other had finally found him. "KAI!" He called. "You're hurt!" And upon reaching the other, he bent down, and reached into his pocket, pulling out the other half of the binding that belonged around his hair. Grabbing the one named Kai's hand, he tightly wrapped the freezing fingers in the material. "There. All done." He said, smiling.
Why the hell did he come here? That Rei is just wasting his time Kai thought to himself. But Kai couldn't help noticing that the boy's hair was falling all over his shoulders. Wow, longer than I thought. It could get irritating "Kai! Did you hurt yourself anywhere else?" Rei got the answer he had been getting to every question for two weeks now.
"Get lost, brat. I know how to take care of myself." It came shortly, followed by a grunt of annoyance. "Fine, Kai. All I've tried to do for two weeks is be nice to you, but it looks like my efforts are going nowhere. I know you don't want me here, but something is telling me to stay. I don't know what it is, or why I'm listening to it. But I do know that you're an insensitive bastard who doesn't want anything to do with this world." Rei burst out in a fit, and before he knew what was going on, tears fell from his eyes, and he turned to run off. "I try." Came a sarcastic reply.
"What?" Rei stopped running.
"I said, I try to be that insensitive bastard you know."
"Gee, Kai. I knew you didn't care about anything, but I didn't know how sarcastic you could be if you tried."
Before Rei knew what was happening, Kai had stood up and strolled over to him. In a split second, Rei felt something hard hit his face.
"I've warned you. Now get lost." Kai turned and left Rei alone, clutching his red cheek.
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
That night, Rei sat crouching in the corner, not making a sound. Kai had fallen asleep long ago, he thought since it was silent, but Rei was still frightened. Kai was a lot stronger than him, and Rei knew it. He decided to get out of that place, as fast as he could. Standing slowly, Rei made his way to the door. But as he opened it, he felt something grab his collar.
"You followed, now you have to stay." Was all that broke the silence.
"Why? I thought I irritated you?" Came the reply coolly, but inside, Rei was trembling in fear.
"I can't have you running all over the place, telling people where I am, trying to get them to make me change." Kai replied.
"What if I won't?" Rei replied.
"I can't take that risk. I learnt a long time ago that you can't trust anyone." Kai said in a deathly voice.
Rei felt the hand move from his collar to the back of his neck.
"You'll just have to stay here." Kai muttered sarcastically, tightening his grip.
"Alright! Please just let go!" Rei cried.
"Why? What will you do?"
"I won't ever say a word! Please, it hurts!" Rei said, blinking back tears.
"Fine!" Kai dropped his hand and went back to his corner of the room to sleep. "But if I hear one word unless I tell you to speak, then consider yourself a martyr."
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
Rei thought about Kai's words all night. 'Martyr'. Isn't that a word used to describe someone who dies for what they believe in? Does Kai know that I look up to him? Does he know I really believe he can change if he tries? Slowly, Rei cried himself to sleep.
When he woke the next morning, Rei was huddled in a corner, shivering in the cold. Since it got to at least below -30 degrees at night, and only up to about 2 degrees during the day, he couldn't remember the last time he was fully warm, since he had even left his coat at BioVolt Stadium. Kai had his coat, but never wore it. Rei wanted to take it, but he knew that if he did, Kai would definetly hurt him. He was frightened, day and night, and had been for weeks now. His fingers felt like they were about to drop off, and his toes weren't any better. His ankles were bare since his pants finished just above them, and his arms permanently had goosebumps.
He stood and walked to where a small table was, but this place was nothing like a house. It seemed to Rei like an abandoned storage shed. He found a small packet of cereal he had managed to buy one day, and poured himself half a bowl of cornflakes and made himself a mug of coffee. As he sat on the cold floor, the coffee mug was the only warm thing he came in contact with all day. But as he thought to himself, he realized, that even in this weather, Kai's hand had been warm.
Kai stirred from his uncomfortable sleep, and stood up as he streched. It seemed like he was ignoring the cold the same way he ignored everything else.
"What?" Was all he said when Rei looked at him.
"Did you want anything to eat?" Rei asked timidly.
"No." Kai replied, but fetched himself a mug of coffee. "You know, Rei? I was thinking, and it seems that you don't want to stay here."
"Uh, It's just that I'm cold here. I'm not used to this weather, that's all."
"Well, wear your damn coat."
"I don't have one. I left all of my things back at the stadium."
"Well that was stupid of you." Kai said, sipping his coffee.
Rei had no reply, so he continued his makeshift breakfast.
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
Hours later, nothing but time had passed as they sat in silence. Kai was ignoring Rei, but Rei was paying close attention to each and every one of Kai's movements. His eyes, darting back and forth, the way he shifted every few minutes, and even his breathing. God, I am insane..........why am I watching him? He's still a cold-hearted bastard, so why bother even trying to communicate with him? Rei was completely bored, and Kai knew it. Kai was, in return, watching Rei, waiting for the right opportunity to hurt him in any way. Weather it be physically or emotionally. Kai couldn't care less.
"What the hell are you staring at?" Kai burst into the silence.
"Uh, nothing, I mean.... uh," Rei stuttered.
"Just say what the hell you're damn trying to."
"Uh......Kai?"
"What the hell is it now?"
"Why are you the way you are?"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"I don't want to say anything, since you'll hit me." Rei's voice trembled with his words.
"Just damn say it."
"I meant, why are you so.......cold?"
"Didn't you listen when I explained about my childhood?"
"It didn't make any sense......."
"Voltaire used any means to force me to do what he wished. Just to get me to train each day, he made sure I was hit by Boris, so now, I'm like that."
"....................You're a sick, sad bastard who doesn't know anything about what kindness is."
"I was never taught about it, I never knew it. Why should I now?"
"I never thought even you were this bad, Kai." Rei turned his back to leave, not caring about what would happen to him. Kai had pushed him past the limit, and all Rei wanted was never to see him again.
"Where the hell are you going?"
"Kai, I don't care about what you say anymore. You can beat me if you ever find me, but I'm leaving this place. I can't stand you, and your.....your-" Rei paused, looking for the right word. "Attitude to everything."
Rei turned to leave the room, but Kai grabbed him and slammed the younger boy to the wall with a single hand.
"Kai....what are you doing?"
"I told you. You're not going to leave and tell anyone where I am."
"I wasn't going to! I swear! I was just trying to get out of here."
Kai didn't know weather or not to trust the boy. Rei had always kept his word on the BeyBlade circuit, but who could say that he wouldn't be able to keep a promise?
"Please, Kai. Just let go of me........"
"Why? So you can run off and tell the world what a bastard I am?"
"At least you don't deny it...." Rei muttered.
"What did you say?!?!?!" Kai asked, his crimson eyes blazing.
"Uh, I said...said that. That you know you're a bastard, Kai." Rei stuttered.
"And you know what else? I'm damn proud of it." Kai said, and Rei saw Kai's free hand go up into the air. The next thing Rei knew was pain, even worse than his match against Bryan. But what made it even more painful, was the fact that Rei thought Kai had really changed. Kai dropped his hand from Rei, and walked off.
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
Rei sat in the corner of the dark room with tears streaming down his face. Kai had been pacing the room for almost an hour, and the sound of his constant footsteps put Rei at ease without him knowing it. By the time Rei's tears had been reduced to sniffles, Kai's temper had become even shorter.
"If you don't shut up this second, you do realize how badly I can hurt you right?"
All Rei did was nod, not wanting to push Kai past his limits.
*~*~*~*~*Later*~*~*~*~*~*
Kai had fallen asleep, but Rei was sitting against the broken window, ignoring the cold. The more he thought about it, it was easier to ignore the cold like Kai did than he thought. He was humming a tune to himself softly, when suddenly, a hand landed on his shoulder.
"What are you doing?" Kai's voice asked. dripping with venom.
Rei suddenly felt an unexplainable urge to hit Kai, but instead, he fought back with words, not at all like his usual self, catching Kai off guard.
"Well, since there's no one here that even seems to notice I exist, and it didn't seem like you would even try to find out what the hell is wrong with me, not that you'd find out because even I don't know, so I tried to comfort myself by humming a tune that even seemed the slightest bit better than the way I feel right now, but even that didn't work, because it just seemed to piss you off even more, so if you really want, I'll just leave right now, and you'll never hear from me again." Rei tried to stand, but the hand on his shoulder still hadn't moved. Before he knew what was happening, Kai leant forward and kissed Rei's lips. Rei was in a state of complete shock. This was the last thing he expected, especially from Kai, and didn't know how to react.
When Kai pulled away, Rei slunk back into his corner.
"What the hell just happened?" Kai asked, running a hand through his hair.
Rei was still shocked, and having no idea himself, it was a few moments before he could even answer, giving time for the kiss to become real. "I....I'm not sure......but I think you, I think you kissed me........"
Kai was silent for a moment, and then spoke his thoughts. "You caught me off guard with that speech of yours, so I decided to shock you."
"You mean, the only reason you did that was to scare me?"
"Yeah, that's about right."
".................bastard." Rei muttered.
"Why? Did you like it or something?"
"No...I mean, uh.....no, that's right, uh......"
"God, when you're not as pissed off as you were a minute ago, you sure can be such a coward."
Rei decided not to answer. And you can be even more of a bastard when you try, Kai Hiwatari
"And you know what else? You are the one that pisses me off the most." Kai gave one last cold stare before returning to his corner.
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
Rei wasn't asleep, he was sort of just dozing, making sure he was still aware of his surroundings, none of them moving, no sounds but Kai's steady breathing. Why the hell did Kai do that? I mean, not that I cared, but - does he know? Nah, he can't. He's not that kind of person
"DAMN!" Rei yelled, and Kai jumped.
"What the f@$# is wrong with you?" Kai screamed.
"Why did you do that if there was no reason behind it?"
"......................You thought there was a reason? What? Like I liked you or something?"
"Uh,......no-I mean........"
"Ha! Rei Kano finally admits to liking the cold hearted bastard, knowing nothing will happen." Kai said sarcastically.
"You know what Kai? I think that you're too scared to admit what you're really thinking." Rei said, feeling scared, but he wasn't going to let Kai know that.
"You want to know what I'm really thinking? I'm thinking that you're just another person who is trying to make me change, and I don't like it. Simply because I don't like making any form or communication with anyone, ok?"
Upon hearing this, Rei felt his eyes well with tears. He stood in the darkness, not caring what Kai would probably do to him, and went to where Kai was sitting.
Kai's ears pricked at the sound of bare feet travelling across the cold floor. He heard Rei kneel next to him, and then he could feel Rei's warm breath on his cheek. The next thing he knew, Rei had placed a kiss on his cheek, and then walked away.
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
"What the hell was that?" Kai asked through the darkness only a few minutes later.
"Shut the hell up and go to sleep." Rei replied.
"Oh, so now who's acting like a bastard?"
"I said, shut the hell up." Since Kai wasn't paying him any attention, Rei decided not to care anymore. He didn't care what Kai did, he only wanted his life to look a tiny bit brighter than it did right now.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Morning~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Rei woke the next morning to find Kai looking down at him. He braced himself for the worst, knowing what was about to happen. Kai was going to punch his lights out, Rei thought. But after a moment of feeling nothing hit his face, Rei dared to open his eyes. He found Kai still watching him, but with a slightly different look than Rei had ever seen before. It didn't seem quite as harsh, but it still held the same cold stare.
"You know, last night, you were the one that seemed like the bastard around here."
"Thanks Kai. You know that really brightens my spirit and makes me look forward to another day of living hell." Rei said sarcastically.
"Ha. This isn't living hell. Try living in the Abbey with Boris dictating all day long. Then come back and tell me this is a living hell. You'll see the damn difference."
"Kai, this has been the toughest two weeks of my life, and you're not helping make it any easier."
"........Why has it been so hard for you?"
"I'll give you three damn guesses. And you won't even need them. You treat me like crap, I don't think you've done one thing to try and help me when I've been upset, and to top it off, you don't even care that you're one of the biggest bastards in the world."
"You know, you can be so naive, Rei Kano." Before Rei knew it, Kai was kissing him again. Longer this time. Rei felt like he was going to pass out from lack of oxygen, but right before he did, Kai pulled away and Rei felt fresh air rush into his lungs, refuelling his blood.
"Kai! You did it again!" Rei cried, but not in amusement.
"Well, if you said last night that you liked the first one, I thought why not?"
"I never said that!"
"You as good as said it. Your mind is so simple. I've had you figured out since before I left the BladeBreakers for the Demolition Boys. So simple......"
"But Kai, what about you? Why did you do it again? Did you mind it?"
"Well, that's just something else for you to rack your small mind about........" Kai trailed off, and left Rei sitting in the corner as he went to make himself a mug of coffee.
Rei was still trembling a few minutes later, when Kai's yell rang through the air.
"SHIT!"
Thinking something had happened, Rei forgot about all the words of hatred that had been thrown around in the last few days.
"What is it?" He called, a tone of urgency in his voice.
"Out of coffee." Was the only reply.
"You mean, you scare the shit out of me, just so I find out there's no - there's no coffee??? SHIT!!!!!" Rei couldn't believe he was siding with Kai, but no coffee? This was a tragedy.
"Oh well."
"Not oh well. Coffee is the highlight of my day, and if I don't have it, I'll have to find something else to look forward to......like dying in my sleep."
"Why die?" Kai asked.
"Haven't you listened to anything I've said? I hate my life. No one even cares that I exist."
Rei felt his eyes filling with tears, and the next thing he knew, Kai had kissed him again.
"Kai, will you stop doing that unless there's a good reason."
"You keep saying that no one realizes you exist, and that you have no reason to live, and so just in case you might have any suicidal thoughts, I'm just trying to make at least some moments in your life worthwhile."
"No matter how unhappy I am, I'd never kill myself. I wouldn't be able to do it. But I won't deny that I have thought about it before." Rei mumbled.
"You? The shy, innocent member of the BladeBreakers had suicidal thoughts? Gee, I always thought I would be the one caught for having those thoughts, but you as well?"
"The outside is like ice. Brittle, but definitely foolish..no, that's not the word....it gives a false image.....it leads you to think it's safe and kind, but underneath lies a dark side, that you don't normally know about until it's too late." Rei had let the tears in his eyes fall.
"But now that I know, you won't be able to kill yourself."
"I told you. I'm still that scared member of the BladeBreakers. I'd never be able to do it."
Rei locked his frightened eyes onto Kai's deep, crimson ones, full of thought and.....did Rei dare to believe passion? But these eyes were definitely different to what he remembered. Rei sunk to his knees and let all the tears fall in torrents. Streaming down his pale cheeks, almost freezing as they hit the frigid air. Covering his face with his hands, Rei knew he looked like an idiot to Kai, he had just admitted his darkest secret ever kept. But, Kai seemed to...understand him. Kai knelt in front of him, and Rei felt Kai take his hands. Kai unwrapped the bindings from Rei's thin wrists, and let them fall to the floor at his feet.
"You've tried, haven't you?" On Rei's pale wrists, were unmistakeable scars, and by the looks of it, they had been caused by -
"An attack ring?" Kai asked. All Rei did was nod slightly, as more tears fell.
"O...only...mo..months ago.......I ...I tried.....but I failed. I couldn't go through with it. The slight marks I had made were painful enough.......and they weren't even two millimetres deep. I just couldn't do it!" Rei called in frustration.
"Why? What was bothering you so much then?" Kai's tone of voice had changed. He seemed different to before, Rei could sense just how different. It was like Kai was a different person.
"Everything. The tournament, Demolition Boys, Voltaire, Mariah, the usual pressures, and............you."
"But you couldn't do it. The pain was too much." For only the second time ever, Kai took his arm-guards off. Rei hadn't noticed at the regional championships, because he was too far away. There was a scar that ran from Kai's wrist to the crook of his elbow on a diagonal on his right arm.
"You....................tried as well........"
"But that bastard Boris ran me to a hospital and told them I cut myself on a wire fence. If it wasn't for him, I'd be dead. And you know what, no one would care."
Rei looked up, and he felt Kai take his left cheek. Rei closed his eyes.
"I'm so weak........"
"No. If you were weak, you'd be long gone, because you would have been killed by anything. But you couldn't even kill yourself. That makes you strong. If you can't take your life, you must have at least one thing you care about. At the time I gave myself that scar, I only cared about the Black Dranzer, and the desire to own it was too strong for me to ignore."
Rei's eyes shot open at these words, and he could scarcely believe it was actually Kai Hiwatari saying these things. Then, for the third time that day, Kai kissed Rei. But this time, Rei knew it meant something.
"Kai........I don't care what you say. Nothing could be worse than my life right now."
"Don't say a thing or I'll have to tell you to shut the fuck up. You don't want that, do you?" Rei shook his head slightly, since Kai was still holding his cheek.
"But Kai......I hate it, I hate everything, but - I don't even know why I'm telling you all these things. Now you're probably going to find somewhere to send me, like a mental hospital or something.........."
"No, you're staying here. Now that I know all your thoughts, I've got you all figured out. I've filled in the blanks that were there when we were with the BladeBreakers. Now the puzzle that is Rei Kano is complete." Kai wiped the tears from Rei's cheeks, but more were there only seconds later.
"Stop it. I've been as nice as I can, but if you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to be how I was before."
"No, please Kai. This is just what I needed. I just needed to talk, and now it feels so much better to get all that off my shoulders, and I'll never think about it again, I remember how much it hurt the first time, and - "
"No matter what you say or think, you will try it again unless someone can break your train of thoughts." Kai interrupted Rei's rambling.
Rei felt another torrent of tears welling in his eyes, and before he could stop himself, he lurched forward and clung to Kai's shirt, digging his fingers into the soft, dark folds of the silky material.
"But...but...ho..how do you know for....for sure...that..i'll try it ag..again?"
Kai's arms were by his side, not moving, not even covered in goosebumps from the cold.
"Because how many times do you think I have? A lot more than once. But each time, someone stops me. Last time, I think it was Tala, fuck him, that stopped me driving a dagger into my chest."
Ouch Rei thought. But it would be a fairly dramatic way to go
"Don't even think it. But you already have, haven't you?"
"What, Kai?" Rei asked through sniffles.
"It's exactly what I thought. If I'm leaving, why not make it dramatic? But that's what will make you weak enough to go through with it."
"Kai...you're telling me all these things, but it seems that you've tried to die since you were pretty young."
"Well, isn't experience always necessary to tell others what you know about anything? And so have you. You've always wanted to die. I can tell, now that I know."
"It was Mariah, that bitch. She followed me everywhere, and treated me like I was a little kid or something, even when we were older. Damn her!" Rei was still crying into Kai's shirt. Finally, Kai raised his arms, and placed them around the younger boy.
"Just shut up. I have no idea what to do when someone is like this, since no one ever helped me. All Voltaire told me was to grow up. But as I grew, I got even more ideas, but none of them have worked. As you can see. But what has anything that's happened lately made those thoughts come back?"
Rei sniffled again. "I don't know...........Everything, maybe."
Kai was resting his chin on Rei's head, and Rei had buried his head in Kai's shirt. He raised his arms to rest around Kai's neck, and Rei couldn't help feeling a bit better.
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
After sitting like that in silence for at least an hour, Kai broke the silence.
"You know, suicide is probably the most boring way to die? I can think of much more interesting ways. Like being run over by a tricycle, for one."
Rei couldn't help it. He cracked a smile. "Or what about being stabbed with spoons?"
"Or chopsticks"
"Being hit with a handbag until you die."
"Being run over by stampeding ants."
Rei couldn't help it. At Kai's last idea he burst out laughing.
"I don't know where the fuck I got the idea for that one." Kai raised his left arm and ran his hand through his hair. But when he dropped it, it seemed to automatically stroke Rei's deep raven hair. Rei had stopped crying at least half an hour before, but when he felt Kai's hand on his hair, he felt tears surging through him.
"Don't fucking start to cry now."
"I....I can't help it, Kai. I just can't keep all this pain any longer."
"Rei, you're going to be fine. You never acted like this with the BladeBreakers, so don't start now."
While Kai had been holding Rei, he noticed just how thin the boy was. "What have you been eating?"
"Uh...er.....I think almost half a bowl of cornflakes a day. Why?"
"Do you do that on purpose?"
"No! There was only one box there, and I wanted to make sure there was enough to last a long time, and enough for you as well."
"Great. As well as being suicidal, you worry about others more than yourself. That's probably a bad combination. So you've been living off cornflakes." Rei nodded.
"You do know that I have food."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Rei was starting to feel angry again.
"You never asked, so I assumed you were fine with the cereal. But just now, I noticed how thin you are."
"I'm fine, I've never been a big eater, it's just that it would have been nice to at least know of another food source."
Kai noticed just how long Rei's hair was. Since the other day when Kai had smashed a window, Rei hadn't found anything to bind his hair with, so it was flowing over his shoulders.
"Have you ever had your hair cut?" Kai asked.
"Uh....I don't think so. Maybe when I was really little, but not that I can remember."
Rei finally pulled away from Kai, and wiped his eyes. Kai realized just how bright they were, even in the darkness.
"Uh...I also have money......." Kai said.
"WHAT?!?!?!" Rei exclaimed. "Well, what are we waiting for? Shopping time!"
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
When Rei walked outside, the cold hit him like a brick wall. "Shit, this place is cold."
"Ok, first on the list is to get you a new outfit." Kai muttered.
"Uh, Kai? Can I ask you something?"
"Hn?"
"Where are we?" Rei asked in a small voice.
"In a town called St Petersburg."
"What? Isn't that like, hundreds of kilometres from Moscow?"
"Yep."
"Oh,"
They walked into a shop, and found a coat for Rei, and a new set of clothes. A dark pair of pants and a white shirt. Then they went to a supermarket and stocked up on food, enough to feed the both of them for over a week. When they finally got back, Rei asked the question he had been thinking about for weeks.
"Kai? What is this place?"
"I think it's like an old storage shed, but it'll do. Hey, no one's asking for money, so I'm fine. I prefer to spend money on more important things than a shed."
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
For the first time in weeks, Rei was having a proper meal. Kai had set him the task of chopping the vegetables, while Kai was stirring the rice. Thoughts were racing through Rei's mind. What did he mean, more important things than a shed? Did he mean me? And all afternoon, I talk about my suicidal thoughts, and then he hands me knife? It is nice and sharp though. It would get the job over and done with pretty fast....
Before Rei was even aware of what he was doing, Kai was grabbing the knife away from him. "Rei! What the fuck are you doing?"
"Huh? Oh, God. I almost did it, didn't I?" Rei collapsed to the floor. "Why did you stop me? Why did you even give me a knife in the first place?"
"I knew you would do that. I was seeing how long it took."
"You knew I would try to stab myself, but you still gave me the knife?"
"Yes. And now I know just how bad you are. You're not very emotionally stable, are you?"
As if to prove the point, Rei burst into tears. "I do..don't know..........." Rei was trembling from head to toe. "All I know is......that, that I'm not sure of anything......"
"Rei, fucking get a grip. Look, I know exactly what you're thinking. 'Why didn't the bastard let me finish it?' Right?"
Rei nodded slightly.
"Rei, if you want to live past the age of - wait, that doesn't sound right for this topic, you have to find something to live for. Even if it's only something small that you have to achieve. And until then, your life won't be complete. For me, I lived for the Black Dranzer. But now, I have to find something else to aim for."
"I don't know........life is pain....shit, I never thought I'd be talking about this. uh, .......no idea, I mean, I don't understand. If life is supposed to be fun, then why are there so many things in the way? Just to reach the age of an adult, you need to struggle through some of the hardest things. And I'm breaking under pressure. I hate all the people that try to teach certain ways, then there's the pressure of admitting these things, and BeyBlading...I know it's supposed to just be a sport, but with so many people counting on you, it's hard to realize that, and sometimes, I just want to scream out and then shove a knife through myself."
"I know what you mean, Rei. Now stop worrying about it. Dinner is ready, and it's late. After that, I want you to go to sleep. You've talked too much today."
Kai pulled Rei to his feet, and before Rei knew it, Kai was kissing him again. He returned this time, and relaxed into Kai's arms. Kai pulled away, and led Rei to the makeshift table.
"Kai? I know I asked you the other day, but do you mind that? You never gave me a real answer."
"Not really. It's definitely better than talking."
"I understand." Rei wiped his tears away, and sat down.
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
Later on, Rei found a long piece of string. He was about to tie his hair back, since it had been in his face for days now. But Kai grabbed his hand before he did.
"Leave it. It looks fine."
"But it's getting in the way."
"Well cut it off."
"No way. It's been growing my entire life. Not now. It's as old as me. Fourteen years. There is no way I'm getting rid of my hair. If it goes, then I go."
"Then just leave it out.....onegai?"
"Wow, the great Kai Hiwatari said please....do I dare to believe it? Or are my ears not functioning?"
"Shut the hell up."
"Fine. I'll leave it out. But there better be a good reason."
Oh, there is. It's so, perfect
Rei did as Kai asked, and went to his corner to sleep. But this night, he was a bit warmer, since he now had a coat. Kai sat watching Rei, until he was certain that the younger boy was asleep. Kai didn't know why, but he sat next to Rei and lifted him into his lap. He watched Rei sleep, and found that his hair fell all over the place, like a river of silk. Feeling content about what had happened through the day, Kai finally started dozing.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Only a few hours later~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Rei woke and found himself......in Kai's lap? When had that happened? He carefully stood up, not wanting to wake Kai. But Kai on the other hand, thought differently. Kai was still awake, and he knew Rei would stand up. When Rei got up, Kai pulled at his collar, and Rei fell back down, laughing. His eyes were shining, and he was smiling. He looks better like this, than with tears running down his cheeks, and his eyes all dark, I would never have guessed Rei would be suicidal
"Kai! What was that for?"
"To see if you still knew how to laugh. I thought you needed some laughter, since it's the only way to make you realize some things are important to you."
Rei was silent while he thought about this. "Kai?"
"Hn?"
"What's happening here? I mean, only two days ago, you were hitting me, and now.........I don't know....."
"Neither do I. It's just....happening, and I have no idea why."
"But it must be..something......"
"Uh, I don't think so."
"Oh," Rei stood up this time, and went to make himself a coffee. Why does he mean, nothing? He's kissed me so many times in the last few days, but I only know that one of them meant something. Maybe death is better after all
"Kai? Do you ever think that death is better?"
"All the time, why?"
"Because I thought that you started to realize I existed, but what you said just before just proved that you don't really care. So please, if I can't go through with it, I want you to finish it."
"No! I won't do it, because I...uh, well...."
"What? I swear, I'll do it...." Rei grabbed a knife of the bench.
"No! I won't let you!" Kai jumped up, and threw Rei to the ground. Grabbing the knife out of his hand, Kai threw it across the room. He sat on Rei's chest, stopping him from getting the knife back.
"Rei.........I can't even think of the right words. Baka Yaro!!!!" Kai couldn't control it anymore. He punched Rei's soft cheek, but it felt like he was hitting himself.
"Rei, Gomen Nasai, but I couldn't let you do that."
"Why not? I can't find a single thing to live for." Rei was trembling, but he knew Kai was right. "Not a single thing......."
"..........Rei, Onegai, search. Look deep inside yourself for even one small thing, onegai, just trust me."
Rei closed his eyes, trying to find something. But all that was going through his mind was that Kai didn't care about him. Rei had known since the Regional Qualifier that he had a crush on Kai. But he would never tell, he didn't think he would have had to. He thought he would be gone by now.
"............I can't find anything, Kai." Rei started crying.
"Onegai, you have to, Rei, Onegai, you have to find something........."
Before he even gave Rei the chance to find something, Kai leant forward and kissed Rei's lips. Rei was surprised, but he had no control of what he was doing, since Kai was still sitting on his chest. All he could do was kiss back. Kai pulled back, and whispered something to Rei.
"I think you know what you're searching for, but you're too scared to admit it, right?"
Rei opened his golden eyes, and stared into Kai's crimson ones.
"I....I love you Kai........" Rei said in a small voice.
Kai smiled down at Rei, then moved so he was sitting beside him. He pulled Rei into his arms, holding him tightly.
"I love you too, Rei. If you ever feel like life isn't worth living, just think of me, and I promise that I'll always be there to help you."
"Really?"
"I promise you, Rei."
They sat, just enjoying the others company until dawn. In the early morning light, all that could be seen was the two boys, sharing a kiss, with a deadly dagger beside them, never to be used for bloodshed.
~owari~ ^_^
hey please R&R!! thanks
*********
He, as usual, was staring coldly out the window with his deep crimson eyes. He focused on a dead tree branch, ignoring all that was going on around him. He lifted his hand from his pocket and rested it on the pane of frigid glass in front of him. Still ignoring his surroundings, he used his other hand to smash through the window.
The loud sound forced another to raise his head and find the source of the commotion. Upon seeing the broken pane, the boy felt his eyes welling with tears. He ran to the window, now pouring cold air into the room. Accidentally touching the pane, he cut his palm, and blood, almost the same color as the others eyes, began sliding over his wrist, and down his arm.
The one that had smashed the glass also received an injury. A neat cut over his left knuckles. Looking over his shoulder, he saw the other that had been in the room watching him run. His blue hair waving in the wind, he kept running. Not knowing where, not knowing why. Just running from the pain and chaos he chose to ignore every day. Little did he know, his knuckles were dripping his bright blood into the pale snow.
Back at the window, the other boy had let his tears fall. He looked up to the other, in all ways. For morale support, as a leader, and not to mention the fact he was almost ten centimetres shorter than the other. It pained him to see the blood trail behind the taller boy, ignoring his own cut. But, deciding against ignoring the blood, he unwrapped his ankle length hair, and ripped the biding cloth in half, and tied part of it around his own hand. Placing the other half in his pocket, he turned from the window and ran in the direction the other had.
Following the trail of crimson against the white snow, the smaller boy was on the others trail. But the other had come to a stop, many kilometres away. Out of breath, he sat down, on the snow, under a tree. He finally felt a sharp pain in his hand, and looked. Realizing he had cut himself, he remained surprisingly calm. He didn't know why he had run, or why he had smashed the window. Heading deep into thought, he went over what had happened to him in the last few weeks.
He had fled his team of BeyBladers as soon as the world finals were over, but the other from his team had followed him. He went to a place he knew as a child, when he had still been living in Russia. This was where he had been for the past few weeks, the other in the background. He ignored the other, but he still stayed. All he did was try to talk to the boy in question, but never got an answer. If he wasn't doing that, he was cleaning, or was out shopping. Why am I still alive? I hate this world and all the people in it. DIE! He thought as he pounded the snow with his fist.
The other had finally found him. "KAI!" He called. "You're hurt!" And upon reaching the other, he bent down, and reached into his pocket, pulling out the other half of the binding that belonged around his hair. Grabbing the one named Kai's hand, he tightly wrapped the freezing fingers in the material. "There. All done." He said, smiling.
Why the hell did he come here? That Rei is just wasting his time Kai thought to himself. But Kai couldn't help noticing that the boy's hair was falling all over his shoulders. Wow, longer than I thought. It could get irritating "Kai! Did you hurt yourself anywhere else?" Rei got the answer he had been getting to every question for two weeks now.
"Get lost, brat. I know how to take care of myself." It came shortly, followed by a grunt of annoyance. "Fine, Kai. All I've tried to do for two weeks is be nice to you, but it looks like my efforts are going nowhere. I know you don't want me here, but something is telling me to stay. I don't know what it is, or why I'm listening to it. But I do know that you're an insensitive bastard who doesn't want anything to do with this world." Rei burst out in a fit, and before he knew what was going on, tears fell from his eyes, and he turned to run off. "I try." Came a sarcastic reply.
"What?" Rei stopped running.
"I said, I try to be that insensitive bastard you know."
"Gee, Kai. I knew you didn't care about anything, but I didn't know how sarcastic you could be if you tried."
Before Rei knew what was happening, Kai had stood up and strolled over to him. In a split second, Rei felt something hard hit his face.
"I've warned you. Now get lost." Kai turned and left Rei alone, clutching his red cheek.
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
That night, Rei sat crouching in the corner, not making a sound. Kai had fallen asleep long ago, he thought since it was silent, but Rei was still frightened. Kai was a lot stronger than him, and Rei knew it. He decided to get out of that place, as fast as he could. Standing slowly, Rei made his way to the door. But as he opened it, he felt something grab his collar.
"You followed, now you have to stay." Was all that broke the silence.
"Why? I thought I irritated you?" Came the reply coolly, but inside, Rei was trembling in fear.
"I can't have you running all over the place, telling people where I am, trying to get them to make me change." Kai replied.
"What if I won't?" Rei replied.
"I can't take that risk. I learnt a long time ago that you can't trust anyone." Kai said in a deathly voice.
Rei felt the hand move from his collar to the back of his neck.
"You'll just have to stay here." Kai muttered sarcastically, tightening his grip.
"Alright! Please just let go!" Rei cried.
"Why? What will you do?"
"I won't ever say a word! Please, it hurts!" Rei said, blinking back tears.
"Fine!" Kai dropped his hand and went back to his corner of the room to sleep. "But if I hear one word unless I tell you to speak, then consider yourself a martyr."
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
Rei thought about Kai's words all night. 'Martyr'. Isn't that a word used to describe someone who dies for what they believe in? Does Kai know that I look up to him? Does he know I really believe he can change if he tries? Slowly, Rei cried himself to sleep.
When he woke the next morning, Rei was huddled in a corner, shivering in the cold. Since it got to at least below -30 degrees at night, and only up to about 2 degrees during the day, he couldn't remember the last time he was fully warm, since he had even left his coat at BioVolt Stadium. Kai had his coat, but never wore it. Rei wanted to take it, but he knew that if he did, Kai would definetly hurt him. He was frightened, day and night, and had been for weeks now. His fingers felt like they were about to drop off, and his toes weren't any better. His ankles were bare since his pants finished just above them, and his arms permanently had goosebumps.
He stood and walked to where a small table was, but this place was nothing like a house. It seemed to Rei like an abandoned storage shed. He found a small packet of cereal he had managed to buy one day, and poured himself half a bowl of cornflakes and made himself a mug of coffee. As he sat on the cold floor, the coffee mug was the only warm thing he came in contact with all day. But as he thought to himself, he realized, that even in this weather, Kai's hand had been warm.
Kai stirred from his uncomfortable sleep, and stood up as he streched. It seemed like he was ignoring the cold the same way he ignored everything else.
"What?" Was all he said when Rei looked at him.
"Did you want anything to eat?" Rei asked timidly.
"No." Kai replied, but fetched himself a mug of coffee. "You know, Rei? I was thinking, and it seems that you don't want to stay here."
"Uh, It's just that I'm cold here. I'm not used to this weather, that's all."
"Well, wear your damn coat."
"I don't have one. I left all of my things back at the stadium."
"Well that was stupid of you." Kai said, sipping his coffee.
Rei had no reply, so he continued his makeshift breakfast.
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
Hours later, nothing but time had passed as they sat in silence. Kai was ignoring Rei, but Rei was paying close attention to each and every one of Kai's movements. His eyes, darting back and forth, the way he shifted every few minutes, and even his breathing. God, I am insane..........why am I watching him? He's still a cold-hearted bastard, so why bother even trying to communicate with him? Rei was completely bored, and Kai knew it. Kai was, in return, watching Rei, waiting for the right opportunity to hurt him in any way. Weather it be physically or emotionally. Kai couldn't care less.
"What the hell are you staring at?" Kai burst into the silence.
"Uh, nothing, I mean.... uh," Rei stuttered.
"Just say what the hell you're damn trying to."
"Uh......Kai?"
"What the hell is it now?"
"Why are you the way you are?"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"I don't want to say anything, since you'll hit me." Rei's voice trembled with his words.
"Just damn say it."
"I meant, why are you so.......cold?"
"Didn't you listen when I explained about my childhood?"
"It didn't make any sense......."
"Voltaire used any means to force me to do what he wished. Just to get me to train each day, he made sure I was hit by Boris, so now, I'm like that."
"....................You're a sick, sad bastard who doesn't know anything about what kindness is."
"I was never taught about it, I never knew it. Why should I now?"
"I never thought even you were this bad, Kai." Rei turned his back to leave, not caring about what would happen to him. Kai had pushed him past the limit, and all Rei wanted was never to see him again.
"Where the hell are you going?"
"Kai, I don't care about what you say anymore. You can beat me if you ever find me, but I'm leaving this place. I can't stand you, and your.....your-" Rei paused, looking for the right word. "Attitude to everything."
Rei turned to leave the room, but Kai grabbed him and slammed the younger boy to the wall with a single hand.
"Kai....what are you doing?"
"I told you. You're not going to leave and tell anyone where I am."
"I wasn't going to! I swear! I was just trying to get out of here."
Kai didn't know weather or not to trust the boy. Rei had always kept his word on the BeyBlade circuit, but who could say that he wouldn't be able to keep a promise?
"Please, Kai. Just let go of me........"
"Why? So you can run off and tell the world what a bastard I am?"
"At least you don't deny it...." Rei muttered.
"What did you say?!?!?!" Kai asked, his crimson eyes blazing.
"Uh, I said...said that. That you know you're a bastard, Kai." Rei stuttered.
"And you know what else? I'm damn proud of it." Kai said, and Rei saw Kai's free hand go up into the air. The next thing Rei knew was pain, even worse than his match against Bryan. But what made it even more painful, was the fact that Rei thought Kai had really changed. Kai dropped his hand from Rei, and walked off.
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
Rei sat in the corner of the dark room with tears streaming down his face. Kai had been pacing the room for almost an hour, and the sound of his constant footsteps put Rei at ease without him knowing it. By the time Rei's tears had been reduced to sniffles, Kai's temper had become even shorter.
"If you don't shut up this second, you do realize how badly I can hurt you right?"
All Rei did was nod, not wanting to push Kai past his limits.
*~*~*~*~*Later*~*~*~*~*~*
Kai had fallen asleep, but Rei was sitting against the broken window, ignoring the cold. The more he thought about it, it was easier to ignore the cold like Kai did than he thought. He was humming a tune to himself softly, when suddenly, a hand landed on his shoulder.
"What are you doing?" Kai's voice asked. dripping with venom.
Rei suddenly felt an unexplainable urge to hit Kai, but instead, he fought back with words, not at all like his usual self, catching Kai off guard.
"Well, since there's no one here that even seems to notice I exist, and it didn't seem like you would even try to find out what the hell is wrong with me, not that you'd find out because even I don't know, so I tried to comfort myself by humming a tune that even seemed the slightest bit better than the way I feel right now, but even that didn't work, because it just seemed to piss you off even more, so if you really want, I'll just leave right now, and you'll never hear from me again." Rei tried to stand, but the hand on his shoulder still hadn't moved. Before he knew what was happening, Kai leant forward and kissed Rei's lips. Rei was in a state of complete shock. This was the last thing he expected, especially from Kai, and didn't know how to react.
When Kai pulled away, Rei slunk back into his corner.
"What the hell just happened?" Kai asked, running a hand through his hair.
Rei was still shocked, and having no idea himself, it was a few moments before he could even answer, giving time for the kiss to become real. "I....I'm not sure......but I think you, I think you kissed me........"
Kai was silent for a moment, and then spoke his thoughts. "You caught me off guard with that speech of yours, so I decided to shock you."
"You mean, the only reason you did that was to scare me?"
"Yeah, that's about right."
".................bastard." Rei muttered.
"Why? Did you like it or something?"
"No...I mean, uh.....no, that's right, uh......"
"God, when you're not as pissed off as you were a minute ago, you sure can be such a coward."
Rei decided not to answer. And you can be even more of a bastard when you try, Kai Hiwatari
"And you know what else? You are the one that pisses me off the most." Kai gave one last cold stare before returning to his corner.
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
Rei wasn't asleep, he was sort of just dozing, making sure he was still aware of his surroundings, none of them moving, no sounds but Kai's steady breathing. Why the hell did Kai do that? I mean, not that I cared, but - does he know? Nah, he can't. He's not that kind of person
"DAMN!" Rei yelled, and Kai jumped.
"What the f@$# is wrong with you?" Kai screamed.
"Why did you do that if there was no reason behind it?"
"......................You thought there was a reason? What? Like I liked you or something?"
"Uh,......no-I mean........"
"Ha! Rei Kano finally admits to liking the cold hearted bastard, knowing nothing will happen." Kai said sarcastically.
"You know what Kai? I think that you're too scared to admit what you're really thinking." Rei said, feeling scared, but he wasn't going to let Kai know that.
"You want to know what I'm really thinking? I'm thinking that you're just another person who is trying to make me change, and I don't like it. Simply because I don't like making any form or communication with anyone, ok?"
Upon hearing this, Rei felt his eyes well with tears. He stood in the darkness, not caring what Kai would probably do to him, and went to where Kai was sitting.
Kai's ears pricked at the sound of bare feet travelling across the cold floor. He heard Rei kneel next to him, and then he could feel Rei's warm breath on his cheek. The next thing he knew, Rei had placed a kiss on his cheek, and then walked away.
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
"What the hell was that?" Kai asked through the darkness only a few minutes later.
"Shut the hell up and go to sleep." Rei replied.
"Oh, so now who's acting like a bastard?"
"I said, shut the hell up." Since Kai wasn't paying him any attention, Rei decided not to care anymore. He didn't care what Kai did, he only wanted his life to look a tiny bit brighter than it did right now.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Morning~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Rei woke the next morning to find Kai looking down at him. He braced himself for the worst, knowing what was about to happen. Kai was going to punch his lights out, Rei thought. But after a moment of feeling nothing hit his face, Rei dared to open his eyes. He found Kai still watching him, but with a slightly different look than Rei had ever seen before. It didn't seem quite as harsh, but it still held the same cold stare.
"You know, last night, you were the one that seemed like the bastard around here."
"Thanks Kai. You know that really brightens my spirit and makes me look forward to another day of living hell." Rei said sarcastically.
"Ha. This isn't living hell. Try living in the Abbey with Boris dictating all day long. Then come back and tell me this is a living hell. You'll see the damn difference."
"Kai, this has been the toughest two weeks of my life, and you're not helping make it any easier."
"........Why has it been so hard for you?"
"I'll give you three damn guesses. And you won't even need them. You treat me like crap, I don't think you've done one thing to try and help me when I've been upset, and to top it off, you don't even care that you're one of the biggest bastards in the world."
"You know, you can be so naive, Rei Kano." Before Rei knew it, Kai was kissing him again. Longer this time. Rei felt like he was going to pass out from lack of oxygen, but right before he did, Kai pulled away and Rei felt fresh air rush into his lungs, refuelling his blood.
"Kai! You did it again!" Rei cried, but not in amusement.
"Well, if you said last night that you liked the first one, I thought why not?"
"I never said that!"
"You as good as said it. Your mind is so simple. I've had you figured out since before I left the BladeBreakers for the Demolition Boys. So simple......"
"But Kai, what about you? Why did you do it again? Did you mind it?"
"Well, that's just something else for you to rack your small mind about........" Kai trailed off, and left Rei sitting in the corner as he went to make himself a mug of coffee.
Rei was still trembling a few minutes later, when Kai's yell rang through the air.
"SHIT!"
Thinking something had happened, Rei forgot about all the words of hatred that had been thrown around in the last few days.
"What is it?" He called, a tone of urgency in his voice.
"Out of coffee." Was the only reply.
"You mean, you scare the shit out of me, just so I find out there's no - there's no coffee??? SHIT!!!!!" Rei couldn't believe he was siding with Kai, but no coffee? This was a tragedy.
"Oh well."
"Not oh well. Coffee is the highlight of my day, and if I don't have it, I'll have to find something else to look forward to......like dying in my sleep."
"Why die?" Kai asked.
"Haven't you listened to anything I've said? I hate my life. No one even cares that I exist."
Rei felt his eyes filling with tears, and the next thing he knew, Kai had kissed him again.
"Kai, will you stop doing that unless there's a good reason."
"You keep saying that no one realizes you exist, and that you have no reason to live, and so just in case you might have any suicidal thoughts, I'm just trying to make at least some moments in your life worthwhile."
"No matter how unhappy I am, I'd never kill myself. I wouldn't be able to do it. But I won't deny that I have thought about it before." Rei mumbled.
"You? The shy, innocent member of the BladeBreakers had suicidal thoughts? Gee, I always thought I would be the one caught for having those thoughts, but you as well?"
"The outside is like ice. Brittle, but definitely foolish..no, that's not the word....it gives a false image.....it leads you to think it's safe and kind, but underneath lies a dark side, that you don't normally know about until it's too late." Rei had let the tears in his eyes fall.
"But now that I know, you won't be able to kill yourself."
"I told you. I'm still that scared member of the BladeBreakers. I'd never be able to do it."
Rei locked his frightened eyes onto Kai's deep, crimson ones, full of thought and.....did Rei dare to believe passion? But these eyes were definitely different to what he remembered. Rei sunk to his knees and let all the tears fall in torrents. Streaming down his pale cheeks, almost freezing as they hit the frigid air. Covering his face with his hands, Rei knew he looked like an idiot to Kai, he had just admitted his darkest secret ever kept. But, Kai seemed to...understand him. Kai knelt in front of him, and Rei felt Kai take his hands. Kai unwrapped the bindings from Rei's thin wrists, and let them fall to the floor at his feet.
"You've tried, haven't you?" On Rei's pale wrists, were unmistakeable scars, and by the looks of it, they had been caused by -
"An attack ring?" Kai asked. All Rei did was nod slightly, as more tears fell.
"O...only...mo..months ago.......I ...I tried.....but I failed. I couldn't go through with it. The slight marks I had made were painful enough.......and they weren't even two millimetres deep. I just couldn't do it!" Rei called in frustration.
"Why? What was bothering you so much then?" Kai's tone of voice had changed. He seemed different to before, Rei could sense just how different. It was like Kai was a different person.
"Everything. The tournament, Demolition Boys, Voltaire, Mariah, the usual pressures, and............you."
"But you couldn't do it. The pain was too much." For only the second time ever, Kai took his arm-guards off. Rei hadn't noticed at the regional championships, because he was too far away. There was a scar that ran from Kai's wrist to the crook of his elbow on a diagonal on his right arm.
"You....................tried as well........"
"But that bastard Boris ran me to a hospital and told them I cut myself on a wire fence. If it wasn't for him, I'd be dead. And you know what, no one would care."
Rei looked up, and he felt Kai take his left cheek. Rei closed his eyes.
"I'm so weak........"
"No. If you were weak, you'd be long gone, because you would have been killed by anything. But you couldn't even kill yourself. That makes you strong. If you can't take your life, you must have at least one thing you care about. At the time I gave myself that scar, I only cared about the Black Dranzer, and the desire to own it was too strong for me to ignore."
Rei's eyes shot open at these words, and he could scarcely believe it was actually Kai Hiwatari saying these things. Then, for the third time that day, Kai kissed Rei. But this time, Rei knew it meant something.
"Kai........I don't care what you say. Nothing could be worse than my life right now."
"Don't say a thing or I'll have to tell you to shut the fuck up. You don't want that, do you?" Rei shook his head slightly, since Kai was still holding his cheek.
"But Kai......I hate it, I hate everything, but - I don't even know why I'm telling you all these things. Now you're probably going to find somewhere to send me, like a mental hospital or something.........."
"No, you're staying here. Now that I know all your thoughts, I've got you all figured out. I've filled in the blanks that were there when we were with the BladeBreakers. Now the puzzle that is Rei Kano is complete." Kai wiped the tears from Rei's cheeks, but more were there only seconds later.
"Stop it. I've been as nice as I can, but if you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to be how I was before."
"No, please Kai. This is just what I needed. I just needed to talk, and now it feels so much better to get all that off my shoulders, and I'll never think about it again, I remember how much it hurt the first time, and - "
"No matter what you say or think, you will try it again unless someone can break your train of thoughts." Kai interrupted Rei's rambling.
Rei felt another torrent of tears welling in his eyes, and before he could stop himself, he lurched forward and clung to Kai's shirt, digging his fingers into the soft, dark folds of the silky material.
"But...but...ho..how do you know for....for sure...that..i'll try it ag..again?"
Kai's arms were by his side, not moving, not even covered in goosebumps from the cold.
"Because how many times do you think I have? A lot more than once. But each time, someone stops me. Last time, I think it was Tala, fuck him, that stopped me driving a dagger into my chest."
Ouch Rei thought. But it would be a fairly dramatic way to go
"Don't even think it. But you already have, haven't you?"
"What, Kai?" Rei asked through sniffles.
"It's exactly what I thought. If I'm leaving, why not make it dramatic? But that's what will make you weak enough to go through with it."
"Kai...you're telling me all these things, but it seems that you've tried to die since you were pretty young."
"Well, isn't experience always necessary to tell others what you know about anything? And so have you. You've always wanted to die. I can tell, now that I know."
"It was Mariah, that bitch. She followed me everywhere, and treated me like I was a little kid or something, even when we were older. Damn her!" Rei was still crying into Kai's shirt. Finally, Kai raised his arms, and placed them around the younger boy.
"Just shut up. I have no idea what to do when someone is like this, since no one ever helped me. All Voltaire told me was to grow up. But as I grew, I got even more ideas, but none of them have worked. As you can see. But what has anything that's happened lately made those thoughts come back?"
Rei sniffled again. "I don't know...........Everything, maybe."
Kai was resting his chin on Rei's head, and Rei had buried his head in Kai's shirt. He raised his arms to rest around Kai's neck, and Rei couldn't help feeling a bit better.
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
After sitting like that in silence for at least an hour, Kai broke the silence.
"You know, suicide is probably the most boring way to die? I can think of much more interesting ways. Like being run over by a tricycle, for one."
Rei couldn't help it. He cracked a smile. "Or what about being stabbed with spoons?"
"Or chopsticks"
"Being hit with a handbag until you die."
"Being run over by stampeding ants."
Rei couldn't help it. At Kai's last idea he burst out laughing.
"I don't know where the fuck I got the idea for that one." Kai raised his left arm and ran his hand through his hair. But when he dropped it, it seemed to automatically stroke Rei's deep raven hair. Rei had stopped crying at least half an hour before, but when he felt Kai's hand on his hair, he felt tears surging through him.
"Don't fucking start to cry now."
"I....I can't help it, Kai. I just can't keep all this pain any longer."
"Rei, you're going to be fine. You never acted like this with the BladeBreakers, so don't start now."
While Kai had been holding Rei, he noticed just how thin the boy was. "What have you been eating?"
"Uh...er.....I think almost half a bowl of cornflakes a day. Why?"
"Do you do that on purpose?"
"No! There was only one box there, and I wanted to make sure there was enough to last a long time, and enough for you as well."
"Great. As well as being suicidal, you worry about others more than yourself. That's probably a bad combination. So you've been living off cornflakes." Rei nodded.
"You do know that I have food."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Rei was starting to feel angry again.
"You never asked, so I assumed you were fine with the cereal. But just now, I noticed how thin you are."
"I'm fine, I've never been a big eater, it's just that it would have been nice to at least know of another food source."
Kai noticed just how long Rei's hair was. Since the other day when Kai had smashed a window, Rei hadn't found anything to bind his hair with, so it was flowing over his shoulders.
"Have you ever had your hair cut?" Kai asked.
"Uh....I don't think so. Maybe when I was really little, but not that I can remember."
Rei finally pulled away from Kai, and wiped his eyes. Kai realized just how bright they were, even in the darkness.
"Uh...I also have money......." Kai said.
"WHAT?!?!?!" Rei exclaimed. "Well, what are we waiting for? Shopping time!"
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
When Rei walked outside, the cold hit him like a brick wall. "Shit, this place is cold."
"Ok, first on the list is to get you a new outfit." Kai muttered.
"Uh, Kai? Can I ask you something?"
"Hn?"
"Where are we?" Rei asked in a small voice.
"In a town called St Petersburg."
"What? Isn't that like, hundreds of kilometres from Moscow?"
"Yep."
"Oh,"
They walked into a shop, and found a coat for Rei, and a new set of clothes. A dark pair of pants and a white shirt. Then they went to a supermarket and stocked up on food, enough to feed the both of them for over a week. When they finally got back, Rei asked the question he had been thinking about for weeks.
"Kai? What is this place?"
"I think it's like an old storage shed, but it'll do. Hey, no one's asking for money, so I'm fine. I prefer to spend money on more important things than a shed."
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
For the first time in weeks, Rei was having a proper meal. Kai had set him the task of chopping the vegetables, while Kai was stirring the rice. Thoughts were racing through Rei's mind. What did he mean, more important things than a shed? Did he mean me? And all afternoon, I talk about my suicidal thoughts, and then he hands me knife? It is nice and sharp though. It would get the job over and done with pretty fast....
Before Rei was even aware of what he was doing, Kai was grabbing the knife away from him. "Rei! What the fuck are you doing?"
"Huh? Oh, God. I almost did it, didn't I?" Rei collapsed to the floor. "Why did you stop me? Why did you even give me a knife in the first place?"
"I knew you would do that. I was seeing how long it took."
"You knew I would try to stab myself, but you still gave me the knife?"
"Yes. And now I know just how bad you are. You're not very emotionally stable, are you?"
As if to prove the point, Rei burst into tears. "I do..don't know..........." Rei was trembling from head to toe. "All I know is......that, that I'm not sure of anything......"
"Rei, fucking get a grip. Look, I know exactly what you're thinking. 'Why didn't the bastard let me finish it?' Right?"
Rei nodded slightly.
"Rei, if you want to live past the age of - wait, that doesn't sound right for this topic, you have to find something to live for. Even if it's only something small that you have to achieve. And until then, your life won't be complete. For me, I lived for the Black Dranzer. But now, I have to find something else to aim for."
"I don't know........life is pain....shit, I never thought I'd be talking about this. uh, .......no idea, I mean, I don't understand. If life is supposed to be fun, then why are there so many things in the way? Just to reach the age of an adult, you need to struggle through some of the hardest things. And I'm breaking under pressure. I hate all the people that try to teach certain ways, then there's the pressure of admitting these things, and BeyBlading...I know it's supposed to just be a sport, but with so many people counting on you, it's hard to realize that, and sometimes, I just want to scream out and then shove a knife through myself."
"I know what you mean, Rei. Now stop worrying about it. Dinner is ready, and it's late. After that, I want you to go to sleep. You've talked too much today."
Kai pulled Rei to his feet, and before Rei knew it, Kai was kissing him again. He returned this time, and relaxed into Kai's arms. Kai pulled away, and led Rei to the makeshift table.
"Kai? I know I asked you the other day, but do you mind that? You never gave me a real answer."
"Not really. It's definitely better than talking."
"I understand." Rei wiped his tears away, and sat down.
**************************************************************************** ***************************************
Later on, Rei found a long piece of string. He was about to tie his hair back, since it had been in his face for days now. But Kai grabbed his hand before he did.
"Leave it. It looks fine."
"But it's getting in the way."
"Well cut it off."
"No way. It's been growing my entire life. Not now. It's as old as me. Fourteen years. There is no way I'm getting rid of my hair. If it goes, then I go."
"Then just leave it out.....onegai?"
"Wow, the great Kai Hiwatari said please....do I dare to believe it? Or are my ears not functioning?"
"Shut the hell up."
"Fine. I'll leave it out. But there better be a good reason."
Oh, there is. It's so, perfect
Rei did as Kai asked, and went to his corner to sleep. But this night, he was a bit warmer, since he now had a coat. Kai sat watching Rei, until he was certain that the younger boy was asleep. Kai didn't know why, but he sat next to Rei and lifted him into his lap. He watched Rei sleep, and found that his hair fell all over the place, like a river of silk. Feeling content about what had happened through the day, Kai finally started dozing.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Only a few hours later~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Rei woke and found himself......in Kai's lap? When had that happened? He carefully stood up, not wanting to wake Kai. But Kai on the other hand, thought differently. Kai was still awake, and he knew Rei would stand up. When Rei got up, Kai pulled at his collar, and Rei fell back down, laughing. His eyes were shining, and he was smiling. He looks better like this, than with tears running down his cheeks, and his eyes all dark, I would never have guessed Rei would be suicidal
"Kai! What was that for?"
"To see if you still knew how to laugh. I thought you needed some laughter, since it's the only way to make you realize some things are important to you."
Rei was silent while he thought about this. "Kai?"
"Hn?"
"What's happening here? I mean, only two days ago, you were hitting me, and now.........I don't know....."
"Neither do I. It's just....happening, and I have no idea why."
"But it must be..something......"
"Uh, I don't think so."
"Oh," Rei stood up this time, and went to make himself a coffee. Why does he mean, nothing? He's kissed me so many times in the last few days, but I only know that one of them meant something. Maybe death is better after all
"Kai? Do you ever think that death is better?"
"All the time, why?"
"Because I thought that you started to realize I existed, but what you said just before just proved that you don't really care. So please, if I can't go through with it, I want you to finish it."
"No! I won't do it, because I...uh, well...."
"What? I swear, I'll do it...." Rei grabbed a knife of the bench.
"No! I won't let you!" Kai jumped up, and threw Rei to the ground. Grabbing the knife out of his hand, Kai threw it across the room. He sat on Rei's chest, stopping him from getting the knife back.
"Rei.........I can't even think of the right words. Baka Yaro!!!!" Kai couldn't control it anymore. He punched Rei's soft cheek, but it felt like he was hitting himself.
"Rei, Gomen Nasai, but I couldn't let you do that."
"Why not? I can't find a single thing to live for." Rei was trembling, but he knew Kai was right. "Not a single thing......."
"..........Rei, Onegai, search. Look deep inside yourself for even one small thing, onegai, just trust me."
Rei closed his eyes, trying to find something. But all that was going through his mind was that Kai didn't care about him. Rei had known since the Regional Qualifier that he had a crush on Kai. But he would never tell, he didn't think he would have had to. He thought he would be gone by now.
"............I can't find anything, Kai." Rei started crying.
"Onegai, you have to, Rei, Onegai, you have to find something........."
Before he even gave Rei the chance to find something, Kai leant forward and kissed Rei's lips. Rei was surprised, but he had no control of what he was doing, since Kai was still sitting on his chest. All he could do was kiss back. Kai pulled back, and whispered something to Rei.
"I think you know what you're searching for, but you're too scared to admit it, right?"
Rei opened his golden eyes, and stared into Kai's crimson ones.
"I....I love you Kai........" Rei said in a small voice.
Kai smiled down at Rei, then moved so he was sitting beside him. He pulled Rei into his arms, holding him tightly.
"I love you too, Rei. If you ever feel like life isn't worth living, just think of me, and I promise that I'll always be there to help you."
"Really?"
"I promise you, Rei."
They sat, just enjoying the others company until dawn. In the early morning light, all that could be seen was the two boys, sharing a kiss, with a deadly dagger beside them, never to be used for bloodshed.
~owari~ ^_^
hey please R&R!! thanks