The Ecchi Adventures of Reanna and Akio
Episode eleven: "Foolproof! Ambition has a subtle foe!"
By Reanna King
A/N: To all of you who continue to read my stories, I'd like to ask a favor of you… if you know anyone who might enjoy this story, please pass the word along. Ah, and all of you who read, PLEASE REVIEW so I at least know I'm not being ignored… And the good news, I've finally seen Utena episodes 14-37! (waves) Arigato gozaimasu, Erick!
Oh. **looks out at her audience** Does anybody here speak fluent Japanese?
Oh. Just for fun, I'm deciding to ask readers to submit to me ideas of things they think should happen when/if the final episode rolls around. I guess that's all for now. On with the fic!
"Akio, that doesn't seem to be working…" I said. "Do something else…"
"I'm going to try pushing it in further, okay? … … Okay, how's that?"
"… … No, nothing… try moving it around."
"How's that?"
"No, nothing… Akio-san, could it be that it's been used too much?"
"What do you mean by that? … There, how's that?"
"Perfect!"
Akio stood up and stopped fiddling with the cords behind the TV. "Good, we finally got the cable to work!"
"Good," I said from where I sat, facing the TV. "You'd think that a fancy hotel in a city like Celadon would have decent cable without having to fiddle with it… did we miss Touga and Saionji's Pokémon match yet?"
"It's just about to start," Akio said, changing the channel.
"We're back with coverage on the 13th annual Celadon City Pokémon Tournament…" the voice on the television said.
There was a knock at the door.
"Hai!" I called.
The door opened, and Utena, Anshi (with Chu Chu on her shoulder), Miki, and Juri entered.
"Hey, everyone!" I said. "Come on in, I think Touga and Saionji are next!"
"Touga and Saionji are next," said the TV voice as we all seated ourselves around the TV. Not as if I would stay sitting there for long, of course… heh heh heh…
Akio turned to me. "Oi, Ri-chan. Kimi no kikuza namete mo ii desu ka?"
(Oh no, the author didn't buy a book of Japanese slang. Why do you ask?)
My face went red. "NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!"
Akio looked puzzled, and held up a bowl of popcorn. "Hmm… I thought you liked popcorn. Ah well…"
"P-p-popcorn?" I scratched the back of my head. "Sorry, I guess I misunderstood you…"
Akio shrugged and turned back to the TV.
"Oh!" the TV said. "And Touga has sent out Nidoking!"
"A Nidoking!!" Juri marveled, and turned to me. "How could Touga have a Nidoking?" "Perhaps he rented one," Anshi said. "Can you do that?" Utena asked.
"Hmm… I don't know anything about battle rules…" Akio said, and turned to me. "Ri-chan! Kimi no ochoko de yarashite kure no--!"
"You can stop right there!!!!"
(Slang book? What slang book?)
"Reanna, what's wrong with Akio borrowing your Pokémon rule book?" Utena asked.
"Rule book?" I said blankly. "B-b-but he said…"
"I just asked for your book, Ri-chan!" Akio said. "After all… Chotto yubi ningyou suru no wa ii yo."
"SHUT UP!"
Everyone looked very confused. Well, I felt confused.
Akio looked at me, puzzled. "Ri-chan, mainichi ijitte-ru?"
"Uhh… umm…"
Miki laid a hand on my shoulder. "Perhaps you should lay down, Reanna-sempai. You're acting strange."
"We'll turn the TV off if you like," Juri said.
"I think she'll be okay," Akio said. "Remember… kanojo no omanko wa itsumo nureta desu yo."
"I SAID SHUT UP!!!!!"
I whacked Akio a good one before calming down. "That's only HALF true, thanks to Chi Chi and Cha Cha… speaking of which, where are the little demons, anyway?"
"They're still sleeping in the other room, I think," Anshi said.
"Is that so? Well, actually, I think I hear them… I'm going to go check on them…" I got up and went into the other room. "And get rid of them…" I whispered to myself. I saw Chi Chi and Cha Cha sleeping in their little monkey-mouse beds. Perfect. I grinned evilly and walked up to their sleeping forms. I pulled out a little velvet bag from my pocket, ready to cram them inside…
"Chi!"
"Cha!"
They popped out of bed, looking up at me happily, with begging, hopeful looks on their cute little faces.
"You guys are cute…" I muttered, "really cute…" I grinned evilly. "BUT NOT CUTE ENOUGH."
Chi Chi and Cha Cha looked up at me pitifully, making cute little "Chi" "Cha" noises.
I smiled. "Oh, how could I say no to you guys?" I opened up my shirt. WAIT! What have I just done, I thought as they hopped in and started doing their thing. "Eep! HEY! Don't do that!… N-not there… Crap, I blew it…"
Wait! I could still pull this off! I ran from the room, past where everyone was watching the Pokémon match on TV.
"Where are you going, Reanna-sempai?" Miki asked.
"I'm GOing tO the baAthrOOOm!!!" I yelled, running out the door and slamming it behind me.
Everyone was left behind me, wondering what the hell was going on.
"You know?" Akio said.
"What?" Utena asked.
"… … … I really miss the Akio car…"
"… … … Yeah… …"
I burst out into the hallway, the little bulges in my shirt still moving around at lightning speed. Now what? … … Of course! It was perfect! I ran down the hallway, looking for the room that would mean my salvation.
I ran into the bathroom and rushed into a stall, then thrust my hands into my bra, feeling around for Chi Chi and Cha Cha…
"Where are they…?" I felt around… and felt around… I even tried my pants, but I couldn't find them! They must have escaped at the last minute.
I pounded my fists against the stall wall. "SHIT!!!"
"No kidding," said a voice next to me. "Haven't you ever gone to the bathroom before?"
"I think I need a hug…" I whined.
"Can't help you there," the girl next to me said, "but if you need toilet paper, there's plenty over here."
"No thanks…" I muttered. I reached up to scratch my head—and was met with two clumps of short fur. Could it be? I wrapped my fingers around what I had found, which was making "Chi" "Cha" noises. "YES!! YES, YES!! Oh, YES!!"
"You shouldn't be doing those things in a public bathroom," the voice advised.
Ignoring the voice, I threw the little clumps of fur into the toilet and quickly flushed it, laughing evilly. "YOU TWO HAVE FELT ME UP FOR THE LAST TIME!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
I pranced out of the bathroom with a big grin on my face, with rainbows and rose-adorned cherubim floating over my head. Somewhere, a joyful fanfare played.
I threw open the door to our room with joy, causing everybody present to stare at me… again.
"Reanna…" Juri said, giving me a skeptical look, "What's with all the cherubim?"
I looked above my head. "Oh, those?" I swatted at them. "Scat, scat!!" I hissed, causing them to flutter away. I turned back to my friends and smiled innocently. "What cherubim?"
"Reanna-sempai, are you okay?" Miki asked worriedly.
"I'm better than okay, Miki-chan!" I said happily. "I feel better than I've felt in a long time!"
"That means something's wrong," Akio whispered.
"Shaddup!!" I yelled… then I noticed something. There was a dark trail on the floor moving across the carpet. I pointed to it. "Did somebody spill something?"
"Oh, no," Akio said, "Chi Chi and Cha Cha came in here a minute ago, dripping wet. Strange, huh?"
"Oh, not that strange," I said softly, cursing under my breath.
"No, I guess not, now that I think about it," Akio said to himself.
"Chi Chi!" **boing**
"Cha Cha!" **boing**
"Aw, F***…"
"Aww, look how glad they are to see you, Reanna-sempai!" Anshi said.
"GAAAAAAAHHHH!!! You're still wet, you know! And you're… c-c-c-c-c-COLD!!!! Stoppitstoppitstoppitstoppitstoppit!!"
"Wow, they're really going at it today," Utena commented.
"Okay… that's it…" I grabbed a baseball bat out of hammerspace and prepared to swing at Chi Chi and Cha Cha, who were still inside my clothes.
"Uh, Reanna-sempai, I don't think that's such a good idea…" Miki said.
"Oh, don't worry, I'll hit em…" I said with a deranged voice, and swung the bat. It made contact with… … my area.
"Reanna-sempai, are you okay?" Miki asked.
.. … … … … "ow…" THUD. "Somebody get me an ice pack or something…"
In a few minutes, I was lying on the bed with a cup of hot chocolate in my hand and an ice pack on my… … you know.
"How are you feeling, Reanna-sempai?" Miki asked.
"Better…" I said.
"That was a really dumb thing to do," Juri remarked.
"Shut up!"
"Well, we're going to go meet Touga and Saionji from the Pokémon tournament," Akio said.
"Do you need anything else before we go?" Anshi asked.
"No, I'm fine," I said.
"Okay, then, see you later!" Utena called, and they all left the room.
I settled into bed, and picked up the remote to turn on the TV.
Beep……….beep……….beep……….beep……….beep……….beep……….
"What the hell…?" I muttered, looking around the room for the source of the beeping. Finally, I noticed a little blinking hand pointing at my mug of hot chocolate. "Get away from my cocoa! Can't you see I'm trying to recuperate here?!"
Beep……….beep……….beep……….beep……….beep……….beep……….
"I said scat!" I whacked it, sending it flying across the room until it crashed into a wall and crumpled to the floor.
"That's better," I said, and picked the remote up again.
Beep……….beep……….beep……….beep……….beep……….beep………
"Now what?" I looked around and saw another hand pointing at my chest. "Get away from my boobs! Can't you see I'm trying to recuperate here?!"
Beep……….beep……….beep……….beep……….beep……….beep………
"GO AWAY, YOU PERVERT!" I grabbed it, ran in to the bathroom and flushed it down the toilet, ran back, and got back into bed.
"There," I said, not bothering to turn on the TV, but laying down to take a nap.
Beep……….beep……….beep……….beep……….beep……….beep………
"LEAVE ME ALONE!!" I said, sitting up and finding another hand pointing at my area. "Get away from my area! Can't you see it hurts?"
Beep……….beep……….beep……….beep……….beep……….beep………
"OKAY, THAT'S IT!!!" I picked up the hand and threw it out the window, where it plunged seven stories to its death. Just to be safe, I shut the window and drew the curtains.
I lay back in bed, pulled the covers over me and closed my eyes.
[DING]
[The elevator door opens, and REANNA slowly steps forward into the observatory. AKIO is sitting/lying on the white couch with his shirt open, and CHI CHI and CHA CHA sit on his shoulders]
AKIO: [holding an array of bondage gear… ropes, handcuffs, gags, etc.] Come here, Reanna.
[REANNA steps forward and sets her sunglasses on the table and walks toward the couch calmly]
CHI CHI: (evilly) Chi…
CHA CHA: (evilly) Cha…
[The shutters close, and everything goes black]
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" I abruptly sat up and threw the covers off me. A dream… Just a dream… "S-s-s-s-scary…" I shivered and wiped a drop of blood off my upper lip.
"Hey, are you okay?" an unmistakable deep voice spoke beside me. Akio smiled at me.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" I screamed. I looked around and saw that everybody had returned, including Touga and Saionji… Ash, Brock and Misty were there too. I quickly shook off my embarrassment and other various feelings. "Uh… who won?" I asked.
Touga sulked. Saionji beamed.
"I see…" I said.
"You suck," Touga pouted.
"I rule!" Saionji countered.
"We heard about your… accident," Misty said, "so we brought you a little something."
My ears perked up. "Aww, you didn't have to do that," I said modestly. "It's my fault I got hurt in the first place."
"Here you go," Brock said, handing me a small box with holes in it.
What could that possibly be? I lifted the lid.
"Licky licky!" a tiny voice said. Oh no… it couldn't be…
I slammed the lid back on the box. "Would this by any chance be a baby Lickitung?"
"Yeah, that's exactly what it is!" Ash said. "We were going to get you chocolate, but Akio said you'd like this better!"
"You were gonna get me CHOCOLATE?!" I cried. I jumped on Akio. "How dare you come between me and chocolate?!"
"The saliva of a Lickitung has strong healing properties!" Akio pointed out.
"I know what you're getting at and it's NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!!" I screamed.
"Wait… that's not true…" Misty said.
"No, I mean this particular Lickitung does…" Akio said.
"Listen, can't you hear it?"
We looked behind us and saw Touga huddled by himself in the corner. "Hear what, Touga?"
Touga smiled off into space. "If your soul has not truly given up…"
"Uh… Touga?" I asked.
"You should be able to hear this sound…" Touga took out a little red Hot Wheels car and started pushing it around on the floor. "Vrroooom… vroooom…"
"Touga? Are you okay…?" Juri asked.
"Running about the Ends of the World… … Vroooom vroooooooommmmm…"
"He's still depressed from losing," Saionji said. "He can't believe what a loser he is!"
"Uh, would you by any chance be related to a guy named Gary?" Ash asked.
"Well, I don't know what to do with this thing…" I looked into the box… but it was empty. "Hey, where'd it go—YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!"
"It's your fault for sitting around in your underwear," Juri pointed out.
"THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!… … … … Hey, I feel much better! Thank you, Lickitung… NOW GET OUT OF MY PANTIES!!"
"Lickylickylickylickylicky!!" The little Pokémon scrambled out of my underwear and back into the box.
"Reanna, don't be mean to it!" Misty said. "It was only trying to help!"
"Sorry, Misty, actually, it's really cute, and I like it very much. Thanks." I said.
"Hey, what about getting home to our own dimension?" Juri asked. "Have you forgotten that we're still in a totally different dimension?"
"I can take care of that," a new voice said.
We looked around and saw a man in a dark blue uniform and pink hair. "MIKAGE!" We all said.
"That's right. I've finally found you… do you know how long I've been looking? Is it really this easy for chumps like you to get lost in dimensional limbo?"
"Shut up, Mika-GAY!" Saionji retorted.
"I am not gay," Mikage said quietly. "Anyway, I came to explain to you all how you can travel freely between dimensions."
"And how do you know that?" Akio asked.
"I'm a figment of someone's imagination—of course I know all about interdimensional travel!" Mikage remarked.
"Why would you want to help us?" Utena asked.
Mikage shrugged. "How should I know? I'm just a figment of someone's imagination."
"Okay, okay, enough with the figment stuff…" Akio said. "Just tell us how to get back!"
Mikage waved his index finger. "Ah-ah-ah." He smirked. "First you have to do something for me."
"What would that be?" Miki asked suspiciously.
Mikage smiled slyly. "I want you to… … … make a Rose Bride outfit for Mamiya!"
"HEEEEHHHH??!!"
"That's right! Or I won't tell you how to get back!"
Akio looked around. "Does anybody around here know how to sew?"
I kept my hand down. The only people who raised their hands were Brock, Misty, Anshi and myself.
Brock said, "Well, we'd better get started on this Rose Bride thing."
"You don't have to help," Utena said.
"Not if you don't want to," Touga said. "But it looks like you do."
"Shut up, loser," Saionji hissed.
"HOLD ON A MINUTE!!" I screamed. "Where the hell did this dumb little plot twist come from?"
"The author, obviously," Anshi shrugged.
"Well, she's stupid!" I said.
"She's you," Akio noted.
"That's beside the point!"
"Okay, well…" Akio said, "while you guys work, I'm going to go watch these." He held up some Urotsukidoji tapes and walked off.
"Have fun, Onii-san!" Anshi called, and turned to the rest of us. "Well! Shall we begin?"
Akio pressed his ear to the door of the room we were sewing in.
"Here. Look at these," he heard me say.
"Wow! Those are big!" Takeshi said.
"You think so?"
"Well, they're just right. They're beautiful."
Akio raised an eyebrow and continued to listen.
"Here, touch it. Right there."
"It's so smooth!"
"Not so much!"
"Hey, come on, it's not going to rub off."
"Hey, stop!"
Akio's nose began to bleed.
"This one's shaped kinda funny, though."
"Well, they do say that no two are alike."
Akio grinned, and stuffed two tissues up his nose.
"Here. Watch what happens when they get wet!"
"Wow, wouldja look at that!"
Akio burst into the room, his nasal passages bursting at the seams. "I WANNA SEE!"
I looked up and smiled. "Why Akio-san, I had no idea you were into mineralogy!"
"W-what?" Akio looked over and saw a pile of rocks on the bed next to our sewing materials.
"I was just showing Brock my pretty rock collection. Wanna see?"
"N… no thanks."
"Well, as long as you're in here, why don't you help us finish up the outfit for Mamiya?" Misty asked. "It's the least you can do."
Akio grinned evilly. "Actually… I think… I'd rather… do THIS!"
Akio jumped on Reanna, yanking her shirt and bra off.
"Akio-san, what do you think you're doing????" Reanna screamed, trying to yank her arms out from under Akio.
"I think I'm doing THIS!!"
"Oh no… oh, don't do that!… … no… not there… Akio… Akio… Akio… Akio… Akio…"
"AKIO!!"
Akio was snapped out of his daydream by Misty glaring at him. "AKIO! As long as you're in here, why don't you help us finish up the outfit for Mamiya?" Misty asked. "It's the least you can do."
"… … … Sure." … too much Urotsukidoji, I guess…
"There. Finished!" Anshi said. "We're all done."
"Great," Brock said. "Somebody go tell that Mikage guy that we're done."
Mikage opened the door. "No need!" He walked over to where Anshi was holding the outfit. He took it and held it up. "It's a dress," he pointed out.
"Isn't that what you wanted? A Rose Bride outfit?" I asked.
"Yes, but I never asked for a DRESS!" Mikage shrugged. "Well… it's not perfect, but it's adequate. Call everyone in and I'll tell you all how to return home."
"I'll do it!" Brock ran out of the room.
I turned to Akio. "What was with that blank look on your face back there?"
"Huh? Oh, nothing…" Akio said.
"Hey! Are you staring at my chest?"
"Huh? No, of course not!"
"Yes, you are! And you were back then too!"
"No I wasn't!"
"Dweeb!" Touga said as he walked into the room.
"Moron!" Saionji retorted as he walked in behind him.
"Freak!"
"Dork!"
"Stupidy-stupid head!"
"Poop head!"
"That's enough, guys," Utena said as she walked in with the remainder of the party who had left the room earlier.
"Well? Are you going to tell us how to get home now?" Juri asked.
Mikage shrugged. "I may as well. Here it is: all you have to do is summon the Akio car. It has the power to take you home."
"But we shoved the Akio car into a volcano!" I said.
"Please don't remind me…" Akio muttered.
"I think that if you try to call the Akio car, you'll realize different. See ya." Mikage disappeared.
"Well, that was stupid," I muttered.
Touga turned to Saionji. "YOU'RE stupid."
"My dad could beat up your dad."
"Well you can't be my friend anymore."
"Well, you can't come to my birthday party!"
"Listen, whatever this Akio car thing is, how do you summon it?" Ash asked.
Everyone looked at Touga.
"Go on, say the line, Touga…" Utena said.
"Oh, okay…" Touga grumbled. "Listen… can't you hear it?"
vroooom…
"If your soul has not truly given up…"
Vrooooommmm…
"You should be able to hear this sound…"
Vrroooom… vroooom…
"Running about the Ends of the World!…"
VROOOOMMMM…
"Then come, journey with us, to the world which you desire!" Touga spread his arms, his jacket unfurled like a pair of wings, and his hair blew in a nonexistent wind… and… nothing happened.
"Dammit."
"Mikage said it would work!" I said.
"I guess he lied…" Utena said.
"But why would he come all this way just to lie to us?" Miki asked.
"To screw us over," Juri suggested.
VROOOOOM VROOOM VROOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!
The Akio car crashed through the wall of the hotel room and came to a rest next to us.
"Baby!" Akio cried and hugged the car and gave the rearview mirror a kiss.
We all gave Akio a weird look, causing Akio to stand straight up.
"Err… right," Akio said.
The Akio car began communicating to Akio via a series of light flashes, honks, and windshield wiper waves.
"Ahh…" Akio said. "It says that it survived being pushed into the volcano because it spat it out. The car isn't a virgin."
"Okay, you can shut up right there, Akio."
"What happened to the island?" Juri asked.
The car began talking again.
"The car says that the volcano erupted," Akio translated.
"Huh. Isn't that nice. Come on, everyone, let's go home!" Juri said.
We all hopped into the car (it was quite a fit). Akio started up the car, whereupon it disappeared from the hotel room.
The Akio car reappeared in what looked like a medieval town.
"This can't be Ohtori…" I muttered.
"Not again…" Utena groaned.
"Shh!" Miki said. "I hear voices."
"Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows…"
"What's that?"
"Buried in the stream of time…"
"SHIT!!!"
TO BE CONTINUED…
Now we're in the Slayers world!
Who will we see there?
Which season will it be?
What the hell is an "episodic guest?"
All these questions, and some questions you never wanted to
know the answers to will be answered in:
Ecchi Adventures, episode 12:
"Get Along! Try Again!"
"THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!… … … … Hey, I feel much better! Thank you, Lickitung… NOW GET OUT OF MY PANTIES!!"