Ecchi Adventures

By Reanna King

Episode 12: "Get Along! Try Again!"

Author's notes: You knew it would happen eventually: A Slayers crossover. I've been waiting to do this for a while, and I already have something very special planned for the next episode, which will likely be either a very long episode or a very long story arc, whichever I decide, lasting 3 or 4 of the normal length episodes… at least. Don't worry; it's not another crossover… not really ;) Yes, it will have SOME continuity. ;) Until then, please support your local Reanna King by reading her many other stories… I mainly wrote this fic listening to my Slayers Best album and songs from the Utena musical (thanks, Megan!). Wanna know what an episodic guest is? Mikage was the first… basically it's a cameo by a more minor Utena character, and there'll be plenty more.

By the way, visit the official Ecchi Adventures page at , soon to feature pictures, fanart, and pictures of the creepy/cute Chi Chi and Cha Cha plushies I made. It already features every current episode of TEAORAA, its own guestbook and a special NC-17 Ecchi Adventures fanfic there that doesn't and won't appear here on FFN. My friend Furio wrote it, okay?! Okay, let's get started shall we?


"… … by the power you and I possess!"

"Everybody run!" I shouted.

"It won't do us any good…" Miki pointed out.

"Huh?" Lina said. "You ruined my Dragon Slave!"

"Uh, sorry…" Utena said, climbing out of the Akio car. "We were just…"

"Lina-san! I'm not sure we should trust these strange people," Filia said, her tail sticking out from under her dress. "They look so unusual…"

"Filia-san!" Amelia said. "It is unjust to judge someone by how they look alone!"

"Yeah, but that girl is being molested by two small monkeys…"

"You've got a point there…"

(It wasn't until Furio wrote "Planetarium Night" that I realized just how weird the whole Chi Chi and Cha Cha thing is. Weird huh?)

"Lina!" I shouted. "Could you fireball this guy next to me? PLEASE?!"

"Hmmmm…" Lina said. "I'll do it for thirty gold pieces!"

"I don't have ANY gold pieces!" I cried.

"Too bad!" Lina said sweetly. "A girl's gotta make a living somehow!"

"Hidoi desu yo, Lina-san te ba!" I groaned.

"That's what I said," an unmistakable voice said from just above me.

"T-that's…"

Xelloss floated down from a few feet above us and snatched me out of the car. "Having problems?" he asked. He turned to Akio. "You'd make a fine Mazoku… just lay off the girl, ne?"

"You're one to talk, fruitcake," Akio grumbled as Xelloss fished Chi Chi and Cha Cha out of my pants.

"Xelloss-sama…" I purred.

"Xelloss!" Filia cried. "Stop corrupting that girl!"

"Ah well," Akio sighed, jumping gracefully out of the car and sidling up to Lina. "How about you? Wanna touch my monkey-mouse?"

O_o "DIL BRAND!!"

**********

"So… you people are from another dimension?" Zelgadis asked, once Akio had recuperated enough for us to get to Filia's Mace N' Vase Shoppe, conveniently located in the nearest town. We were all seated rather tightly (there were a lot of us) in Filia's sitting room, behind the store part of the building.

"That's right," Utena said. "And we've been trying to find our way back to our home dimension since… … How long have we been trying to find our way back to Ohtori, anyway?"

"Since this story started…" I muttered, my head buried in Xelloss's cloak.

"We've been lost in dimensional limbo ever since we escaped from Nylc and Clyn's space ship, haven't we?" Juri asked.

"Don't remind me," I groaned. "I still have nightmares…"

"I don't understand any of this!" Gourry said cheerfully.

"For once, you're not the only one," Lina said, just before she noticed Touga and Saionji on either side of her. "… … … WHAT DO YOU WANT??!!!!"

Touga and Saionji said at the same time, "Will you teach us how to do magic?"

Lina turned to the rest of us. "Something tells me that would be a very bad idea."

We all nodded. "They're a couple of crazies," we all more or less said.

"Speaking of crazies," Zelgadis said to Filia, "where are Jillas and Gravos?"

"Off running errands for me," Filia said sweetly, then turned to Xelloss. "Get off Reanna, you evil Mazoku!"

"Um, she's cuddling up to ME…" Xelloss pointed out.

"Teeheehee… Xelloss-sama…"

Xelloss smirked at Akio.

"What is it with you?" Akio asked.

"Sore wa himitsu desu…" Xelloss grinned cutely.

"Heehee… you're so cute, Xelloss-sama…" I giggled.

"She kinda reminds me of Martina…" Amelia said.

"Yeesh. You're right…" Lina agreed.

"Are these people scaring you too?" Filia asked Zelgadis.

"Oh, very much…" Zelgadis said. "I'm just waiting for them to either start killing or having sex with each other… I can't decide…"

"They don't seem to get along well, do they?"

"No…"

"What are you talking about?" Akio asked. "We get along great! Especially me and her!" He pointed at me. "Isn't that right, Ri-chan?"

"Go to hell!" I muttered.

"See! She's crazy about me!" Akio winked. Before I knew what was going on, Akio reached for me.

"GAAHH!! Stay away!" I cried, jumping up suddenly… then I heard a crash from the other side of the table I had bumped.

"Oh, no!" Filia cried, racing to the other side of the table, where a basket was overturned on the floor.

"Look what you did!" Touga hissed.

"Like hell! This is all your fault!"

"You wanna go?!"

"Yeah! Let's!"

Touga and Saionji pulled out swords and began having it out again.

"Complete and utter chaos… again…" muttered Juri.

"It's broken! Val's egg is broken!" Filia cried.

Tears welled up. "Oh, Filia… I… I'm… I'm so…"

"Horny?" Akio asked.

"NO!"

"Wait… all I see is this…" Filia held up the shiny blue-green shell of the egg. "I know it wasn't empty all that time…"

"Ah well. Too bad…" Xelloss said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Ooh, you're so naughty, Xelloss-sama…" I giggled.

"I can be more than that…" Xelloss whispered in my ear.

"Ooohhooohoo… heheeheheee…."

"Reanna… your nose is bleeding again…"

"Heehee… heehee… **giggle**"

"Oh, brother…"

"Ato de, ne?" Xelloss whispered.

"Yeah, yeah… heehee… let's…"

"Well then!" Xelloss stood up and took hold of me around my waist, just before he disappeared with me.



"Hey! Where did Reanna and Xelloss go?" Utena asked.

"They disappeared," Gourry noted.

"Oh, no!" Filia cried, still rummaging through the basket/egg wreckage. "He's taken her off where he can be alone to do awful, evil things to her!"

"Lucky girl…" Touga muttered.

"Shut up!" Lina said.

"Yeah! Shut up!" Saionji yelled.

"Hey!!!! Everyone be quiet!" Filia said, brandishing her mace.

Everyone shut up in a hurry.

"Does anybody hear a crying sound?"

Everybody listened closer…

"I think I hear it…" Zelgadis said.

"Where's it coming from?" Amelia wondered.



"X-Xelloss… Where are we?"

"Sore wa himitsu desu…"

"I should have seen that coming."

"Rea-chan… have you ever… …"

"Wha? Huh?"

"Shh… just relax…"

"Wh-what are you doing…?"

"Relax and enjoy, Reanna-san…"

"Ch-chotto… … … … … … … … Oh, Xelloss-sama!…" Maybe… he's just doing this to spite Akio? Ah… who cares?



"Look! Up there!" Lina pointed up onto a nearby shelf, where a tiny black object was throbbing up and down, making sobbing sounds.

"V-Val?" Filia asked. She walked over to the shelf and reached up to take the shivering baby ancient dragon off of the high shelf.

"Does anybody care that Xelloss has just kidnapped Ri-chan?" Akio asked.

"Oh, stop overreacting, Onii-sama…" Anshi smiled. "I'm sure they're fine…"

"Look, everyone!" Filia said. "It's little Valtiera!" She held up the little baby boy, which was dwarfed by the black wings sticking out of his back. He had stopped crying.

"Cute!" Amelia said. Everyone began to crowd around the baby.

"Uhhhhh… everyone?" Akio said.

"Oh, I love babies!" Anshi said.

"Come on, everyone!" Filia said. "Into the baby room! I've had everything prepared for this moment for a long time!"

"You prepared yourself for a clumsy self-insert?" Zelgadis asked.

"Yes!" Filia said. "Uh… I mean, no! Just follow me!" Filia walked from the room, followed by everyone else… except Akio.

"Looks like it's up to me to bring Ri-chan back!" Akio said, heading out the door to the Akio car.


"Can't let him be the first!" Akio muttered, hopping into the Akio car with Chi Chi and Cha Cha. "We can never let her know the real reason… the real reason I pursue her…"

"Chi?"

"Cha?"

"I remember that time… that time we made that deal… when I allowed her to enter my world…" Akio started up the car. "Okay! Let's go get Ri-chan!"



Filia finished fastening a diaper onto Valtiera. "There. Don't you just look so cute?" she cooed. "Yes, you do… ooh, yes you do!"

"Cute…" Touga said.

"I think it looks cute more than you think it looks cute!" Saionji said.

"SHUT UP!"

Valtiera began crying.

"Look what you people have done!" Filia said.

"Come on, you two…" Juri said, taking a hold of Touga and Saionji's hair and dragging from the room.

"Is anyone worried about Rea-chan?" Miki asked.

"She's fine," Utena said. "How bad could that floaty purple thing be?"

Filia whirled around, her tail sticking out from under her dress. "Let me tell you a little something about that 'floaty purple thing…'"

 "Mazoku…" Akio grumbled. "I hate Mazoku… they're almost as bad as Shikima…"



"So… Reanna is in the hands of a demon?" Utena asked. (Anshi had yet to wipe that all-knowing smile off her face)

"That's right!" Filia said. "Now do you see?"

"Then, as a prince, it's my duty to save her!" Utena said.

"Now, I'm sure you're all overreacting over this…"

"She's screwed," Juri muttered.

"IT'S YOUR FAULT!" two distant voices screamed.



Akio stormed into the room and saw Reanna lying asleep in the bed among the silky red sheets, and Xelloss sitting on the edge of the bed, putting on his tunic.

Akio gasped. "You didn't!"

Xelloss smiled evilly. "I did."

"I don't believe it!"

Xelloss shrugged. "Well, she asked me to."

"No! I'm too late!"

Hearing voices, I woke up. "Oh, hi, Xelloss-sama… Akio-san, what are you doing here?"

"Reanna, I can't believe you did it… I can't believe you had sex with that Mazoku!"

"Had… sex… with?" Xelloss and I asked.

"Oh, don't be silly!" I giggled. "He just tied me up a bit! We were just playing! Silly Akio-san…" I sighed happily and snuggled back into bed.

"H—huh?"

Xelloss nodded… and winked at me.

"Xelloss! Is that really all you did?"

"… … … Sore wa himitsu desu."

"Hmmmph…." Akio grumbled. Then he smiled. "Well… there's just one way to find out." He jumped onto the bed.

"YEEEEEEEEEEK! DON'T YOU TOUCH ME!!!!!!"



Everybody ran out to the Akio car… or where it should have been.

"Say, it's gone!" Utena said.

"Akio must have taken it…" Zelgadis said.

"It seems to me that Xelloss and Akio don't get along well," Lina said. "And Reanna will be stuck in the middle of all this… and that's not good…"

"I don't know what's going on, but at least that's obvious…" Gourry murmured.

"Well, without the Akio car, we're not going anywhere…" Juri said.

Filia came out cradling Valtiera. "That stupid Mazoku…"



"AKIO, I'M TIRED, NOW STOPPIT!!! I SAID CUT IT OUT!!!"

Akio sighed. "Okay, okay, I believe you. But remember your deal."

"I never promised you anything of the sort!"

"Well, I left the contract back at Ohtori, but trust me, you did. Now get in the car."

"I hate that car…" I muttered as I got in. "I'd rather stay with Xelloss-sama…"

Xelloss winked at me. "You go on ahead, Reanna-san, while I clean up around here."

Akio started. "Clean up?! Clean up what??!??!?!?!?"

Xelloss held up a handful of rope. "Just the ropes and stuff."

"Oh."

"Silly Akio-san!" I jumped into the car. "See ya later, Xelloss-sama!"

Whoo. What a day it's been.



Filia took out Mace-sama and held it at the ready. "Well, when he appears again, I'll be ready for him." She looked over to Valtiera, who was being held by Amelia. "Just you watch, Val. This is what you do with Mazoku."

Akio and I appeared suddenly, in the Akio car. Akio had been lecturing me… and I had not been listening.

"So, from now on, just remember our—"

KONK!

"Owwww…"

"Oh, sorry!" Filia said. "I thought you were Xelloss!"

I clapped. "Thank you, Filia!"

"Just for that…" Akio said, pulling out Chi Chi and Cha Cha. "Go get 'er!" Chi Chi and Cha Cha charged at me.

"BUT I DIDN'T EVEN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Akio yawned. "I'm going to bed…"

"AKIO-SAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

"And where exactly do you expect to sleep?" Filia asked.

"Here," Akio said in a groggy voice.

"You really expect me to let all of you sleep in my home? Just how insane do you think I am?" Filia asked, holding Valtiera close.

Everyone stared at Filia.

"I guess there's no fighting it is it?"

Everyone shook their heads.

"I'll get the extra blankets…" Filia sighed.

"Don't forget about me!"

"Who's that?"

"N-N-N-Nanami!"



TO BE CONTINUED…



Poor Filia!

What's next?

Just what did Xelloss do to me?

What kind of chaos will Nanami add to the mix?

All these questions, and some questions you never wanted to

know the answers to will be answered in:

The Ecchi Adventures of Reanna and Akio, Episode Thirteen:

"Don't Be Discouraged!"