The Ecchi Adventures of Reanna and Akio

Episode 18: "Rose Naked Body"

By Reanna King

Notes: Last episode got kind of strange with all the seriousness and stuff. This one is even stranger because of the random symbol-less symbolism in this first scene.

I'm expecting there to be one more episode of the Utena movie story arc after this one. After this, I'm not sure. I have a few ideas lined up for more story arcs. I'm still thinking of Gokudo, Ranma ½, the time travel story arc, and La Blue Girl, if I'm feeling daring (or stupid) enough to try and make a PG-13 fic that's a crossover between Utena and a hentai.

I have a lot of other fics in progress… besides this there's my Slayers fic, my Weiss Kreuz fic, my Sorcerer Hunters fic, my Akira fic… and some other miscellaneous fics… so this Christmas vacation, I'm concentrating on getting some serious writing under my belt.

Okay, it seems like I've been in this Utena movie story arc forever, so let's get this episode started.

(cut to next scene. An ON AIR sign lights up. We see two televisions: the left is showing static, the other shows Eiga E-Ko and Eiga F-Ko sitting at their table.)

EIGA F-KO: I've got a major scoop! There's a mondo scandalous subplot going on in—

EIGA E-KO: That's nothing! I've got an even more controversial videotape. Now, this is a very SCANDALATIOUS tape. Start!

(the left screen shows a VCR and a tape being put into it. The entire screen shows static for a moment, then cuts to a foggy swamp. In the background, we see a cow drinking water. We see that the cow is EIGA NANAMI, who is snorting in as she drinks. In the background, a girl walks cautiously out of the fog)

REANNA: Hello…? W… where am I? What's going on? (she waves her arm in the fog) I… I can't see a thing!

(Suddenly, CHU CHU gets sucked into one of NANAMI COW'S nostrils. She quits drinking)

REANNA: Ack! (she trips and falls into the water)

NANAMI COW: Mou!

CHU CHU: Chu!

REANNA: What's going on? (she feels around under the water) Whh… what's this thing?

(NANAMI COW shakes her head in an effort to get CHU CHU off of her but it doesn't work)

(REANNA lifts what she's found out of the water)

CHI CHI: Chi!

CHA CHA: Cha!

REANNA: AAAUUUGGHHHH!!!!

(NANAMI cow runs around trying to get CHU CHU off whilst REANNA runs from CHI CHI and CHA CHA. The NANAMI COW runs into SUZUKI, YAMADA and TANAKA, who seem to have turned into elephants.)

REANNA: Huh?

SUZUKI, YAMADA AND TANAKA: Pao! Pao! Pao!

(The third one picks up NANAMI with its trunk and tosses her out onto land, where she lands on her side. Upon opening her eyes, she sees that CHU CHU is now free, but is now peeing on her)

(REANNA is now holding a glass of water, looking puzzled at it, until she looks down and realizes that all around her, spread out as far as she can see are glasses, all filled with beverages of different colors)

(In a rage, NANAMI rears back and snorts at CHU CHU, who doesn't seem to care. She snorts and snorts and snorts until both CHU CHU and KEROPPON get stuck in her nostrils. Unable to breathe, NANAMI collapses)

REANNA: (wading through glasses, breaking most of them) What's going on here?

VOICE: You're a self-torturer, you know that? I'm sure you feel the same way… you need help… I think I'm frightened… I guess it doesn't matter. Would it be too much to ask…

REANNA: Hello?

(CHU CHU and KEROPPON stand facing each other. A bug crawls by)

CHU CHU: (noticing the bug) Chu Chu?

VOICES: Don't get me wrong… there are tears in my eyes… but you probably already knew that… I feel so sorry for you. No, seriously… I have no pity.

(KEROPPON'S snout grows longer and longer and catches CHU CHU inside of it)

REANNA: What's going on?!

CHU CHU: Chu!

(CHI CHI and CHA CHA appear and attack KEROPPON. When the smoke clears, KEROPPON is lying on the ground in instant bandages with the three monkey-mice standing over it.)

REANNA: (makes a weird face) Wha?

CHI CHI: Chi!

CHA CHA: Cha!

REANNA: AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

(POUNCE)

F-KO: Is this really your scandalatious tape?

E-KO: My mistake. And now, for the real scandalatious videotape! Start!

(Cut to AKIO and EIGA KANAE in the AKIO CAR. Annoying waltz music is playing. AKIO gets out of the car)

EIGA F-KO: Oh, it's acting headmaster Akio!

(AKIO leans against the car, then flips over the front of it, gracefully landing head-first on the ground. He collects himself, and escorts EIGA KANAE out of the car and begins dancing with her)

EIGA F-KO: This must be back when he just got engaged to the headmaster's daughter.

EIGA E-KO: He's such a pus—I mean… textbook example of a prince!

EIGA F-KO: So young, yet competent and kind and has great looks.

(AKIO waltzes up to the screen with EIGA KANAE.)

AKIO: Were you about to call me a pussy?

EIGA E-KO: No, of course not!

EIGA F-KO: Is this really a videotape?

F-KO: A good-looking guy goes great with a nice car.

AKIO: Iya, but this car won't run. I've lost the key. I accidentally switched it for the key to a ball gag. (He turns and gets into a clunky green taxi. The screen goes black and we hear the taxi drive off, and then drive up again, and the screen shows AKIO getting out of the car. He flips gracefully over it and falls over the other side.)

ANSHI: Okaeri-nasai, onii-sama.

AKIO: Tadaima.

EIGA E-KO: What did he say before?

(cut to AKIO'S bedroom, where he's pouring drinks.)

F-KO: That's right! I heard Akio takes care of his sister. They are truly close as brother and sister.

(We see ANSHI in a dress in the background. In the foreground is the painting of ANSHI that we saw before in TOUGA and SHIORI'S room.)

E-KO: But the scandal starts… starts… starts here! (AKIO turns to look at ANSHI. The record that's playing begins skipping.) The surprise secret of the rose bride… is… is… is…

(AKIO bangs on the record player and it quits skipping. He smiles nervously at ANSHI)

AKIO: (points behind ANSHI) Anshi, look! Chu Chu's eating something gross again!

ANSHI: Huh? (she looks behind her)

(AKIO drops a pill into ANSHI'S drink)

UTENA: Himemiya, what is this?

(We see the duel bells ringing)

HIMEMIYA: This is the secret of the Rose Bride.

(On black over a white background, we see first EIGA UTENA pulling the sword of Dios from EIGA ANSHI and running to face JURI, then EIGA SHIORI giving JURI her sword, who runs off to face EIGA UTENA. The bells ring and EIGA UTENA and JURI begin to duel. Lots of students watch them, including EIGA MIKI, TOUGA and REANNA.)

EIGA MIKI: Juri is on the defensive. She's good.

(UTENA and JURI continue to fight. ANSHI and SHIORI watch from the side. SHIORI leaves)

REANNA: I hope Akio and Anshi made that videotape.

TOUGA: I hope it turned out the way it was supposed to.

REANNA: Yeah, you're right. (pauses, then smiles at TOUGA) Akio-san knows this is important. He won't mess it up.

TOUGA: (smiles) Now you're talking like a self-insert.

JURI: (laughs) You suck!

REANNA: Juri!

JURI: I mean… you suck, but… you would be a good match against my club members.

(EIGA UTENA lunges at JURI, but JURI dodges easily)

JURI: You don't understand how much playing prince halfway is going to cost you.

(EIGA UTENA runs at JURI again)

JURI: The mark of the rose doesn't suit you!

EIGA UTENA: I can't lose this!

JURI: You love Touga that much?

MIKI: What is Juri talking about? Who is "Touga?"

TOUGA: He's me!

EIGA ANSHI: (voice over) See that? That… that is the castle of eternity.

EIGA UTENA: Castle?

EIGA ANSHI: (we see a jet flying past one of the castle's towers) I haven't been in there myself… but I hear you can have anything there. Eternity, miracles, shining things. Perhaps your secret wishes will come true, too. That's what it means to win me. Or will you still throw away your mark of the rose?

JURI: (knocks EIGA UTENA down) Are you already down, Prince?

(EIGA UTENA gets up, but it's DIOS'S hand that picks up the sword again. When EIGA UTENA gets up, we see that she has become DIOS.)

EIGA ANSHI: That's…

REANNA: (turns to TOUGA) Ack! Akio-san's death scene is coming up soon! Bye! (she runs off)

TOUGA: See you later. (he resumes waving his hand in front of EIGA MIKI)

(Suddenly, orange rose petals fly; UTENA has won. The bells ring, signaling the end of the duel. ANSHI stares at UTENA, shocked…)

ANSHI: For a moment… you looked like…

(cut to a view of a large window. C-KO runs past it)

C-KO: Extra! Extra! Extra!

(EIGA ANSHI, EIGA UTENA and JURI look down to a commotion on the ground. A body has been dug up. We can hear EIGA KANAE crying. We see her leaning over it, wailing. Over the top of the sheet placed over the body, we can see AKIO'S purple hair.)

EIGA KANAE: (crying) AKIO-SAN!! AKIO-SAN!!

(The sheet over AKIO shudders)

EIGA KANAE: Akio-san?

AKIO: AH-CHOO! (he sits up) Dammit!

EIGA SHADOW PLAY GIRLS: Kashira! Kashira! Gozonji kashira!

EIGA F-KO: It's the headmaster.

EIGA E-KO: It's the headmaster.

EIGA C-KO: Yes, it's the headmaster.

EIGA F-KO: (dancing in the shadows) We were wondering where you were.

EIGA E-KO: (dancing in the shadows) And it turns out you've been six feet under.

AKIO: No I haven't.

EIGA C-KO: (dancing—ah, you get the picture) So we wonder how you died. Someone buried you, after all!

EIGA KANAE: But he isn't dead.

AKIO: (lying down, covering himself with the sheet) Yes I am. I'm dead!

REANNA: (behind a column) Jeez…

ALL: Kashira, kashira! Gozonji kashira! Kashira, kashira! Gozonji kashira!

EIGA SHIORI: (from behind a column, to the crowd) It's the owner of the flowerbed. The reason for her rose bed was to hide her brother dead.

CROWD: But he's not dead!

EIGA SHIORI: SHUT UP! Yes he is! If you need proof that I must show, watch this tape and you will know. Watch this tape and you will know.

EIGA F-KO: Ah! That's…

EIGA E-KO: That's the scandalatious video I found!

EIGA F-KO: When did she get it?

EIGA KANAE: (turns back to AKIO) Anyway, Akio-san-- … … huh? He's gone!

REANNA: Where did he go?

AKIO: Hey there.

REANNA: (turns around) Akio-san.

AKIO: Still mad?

REANNA: … … Maybe a little. … … Akio-san?

AKIO: Yeah?

REANNA: Did you and Anshi make that videotape?

AKIO: (sweatdrops) Right. The tape… Heh heh…

REANNA: You didn't make it?

AKIO: Oh… we made it… ummm… but… there was… a problem.

REANNA: What kind of a problem?

AKIO: Anshi… she… errrr… it was this little… creature thingie…

REANNA: Don't tell me…

I wonder if you can guess…

What exactly went wrong, then?

Does anybody ever read these?

Would you believe I ran out of questions?

All these questions, and some questions you never wanted to

know the answers to might be answered in:

The Ecchi Adventures of Reanna and Akio, Episode Nineteen:

"Belladonna no Wana"

"Were you about to call me a pussy?"