The OTHER Episode of Gundam Wing You DIDN'T See
By: Lonely Wanderer and Amethyst Tiger
Disclaimer: ::Backing up:: I didn't mean too! Really! ::Backing up more:: I swear I'll never do it
again! I'll only use them in fanfics from now on! I swear!
Some Mysterious Guy: You better.
Author's Note: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!! We were bored once again!! This one was all
Amethyst though. . . .one day she asked me what cow tipping was and this is what became of
that!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Heero, you have a new mission," said Dr. J., his mechanical eyes staring lifelessly at the stoic
pilot.
"What is the objective?" Heero inquired.
J. paused to think.
~*Flashback*~
"So yeah, I think I'll definitely win the Heaviest Cow Contest at the state fair with Bessy this
year."
J. nodded. "Yep, she's a fine looking animal, Phil," he said
"C'mon, I'll show ya the chickens. They been doin' real good this year with the eggs. Got us a
healthy bunch."
"Sounds good," J. answered.
He turned to follow his friend, when e felt a tugging at his lab coat. He turned back just in time
to see a black disk tumble out of his pocket. "Whoops," he said as he bent down to grab the disk.
But J. was old and only part human, so he was a lot slower than Bessy the cow, who picked the
disk up between her teeth, and swallowed it "No!!" cried J. "No!! Not the disk Bessy! Not the
disk!
~*End Flashback*~
"Um. . . you just need to recover a disk, Heero," he said.
Heero raised an eyebrow, and was going to say something, but J. cut him off.
"Actually, on second thought, I think you'd better bring along the others too. . . this mission
could be. . . um. . . trying."
"Why would recovering a disk be trying?" Heero asked.
"Uh. . . well. . .ya know, it's getting late, and I'm old and very tired, and well, I better be off to
bed. Bye now, and you kids have fun! Good luck!" Suddenly, J. disappeared from the screen.
Heero blinked and looked at the clock. It was 10:00 A.M. He thought about this for a moment,
but shrugged it off. He'd always thought that J. was a little senile. . .oh well.
Meanwhile, downstairs, Duo and Quatre were hard at work.
"Try that stuff over there," Quatre said, grabbing a container of spices.
Duo shook his head. "I think we already used that one, Q."
Now Quatre shook HIS head. "No, we used the red one already," he replied.
Duo shrugged. "Whatever, it can't get any worse. I figure, that if we just keep going the
EVENTUALLY it HAS to taste like spaghetti sauce." And Quatre nodded in agreement.
Trowa watched the pair with silent amusement, and Wufei ignored the pair by reading some
nonfiction book that he found fascinating beyond compare.
However, everyone looked up when Heero walked through into the kitchen.
"We have a mission," he said, and slapped a few papers on the table. Quatre and Duo pried
themselves away from their experimental cooking crisis, and joined the other three around the
table.
"So what this time?" Duo asked.
Heero sighed. "A simple recovery operation."
Duo raised an eyebrow. "And that takes all five of us. . . why?" he asked, tapping his fingers on
the tabletop.
"Unfortunately, J. was sketchy on the details, so I guess. . . I don't know."
"Will it be dangerous?" Quatre asked.
Wufei let out a small throaty sound that sounded suspiciously like a chuckle. "Danger. . . in
Iowa? I doubt it," he said.
"I see. Um. . . well. . where at. . in Iowa?" Quatre asked.
"On a farm," Heero answered.
Everyone looked at him as if making sure that they had heard correctly.
"A . . . farm?" Trowa asked, blinking his one visible eye.
". . . Yes," Heero replied quietly. There was a pause.
"Oooooooookkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy. Well then, I guess. . . we should be on our way. . .
.to Iowa,"Duo said.
~*Two Days Later~*
"OW! Damn this corn!" Duo complained as another leaf scratched his arm.
"Stop complaining, Maxwell," Wufei said, "God! This place smells like. . . like. . ."
". . . A farm?" Trowa supplied.
Wufei scowled. "Yes!"
Quatre rolled his eyes. "Hey Heero, are we almost out?"
Heero adjusted his binoculars. "The farmer just turned out the lights in his house. We can move
in now. If we're quiet then the night is all the cover that we'll need," Heero replied.
"Good, 'cause. . . GOD DAMMIT!! I hate this stupid corn!!" Duo exclaimed.
For his outburst he received four 'sh's' and one 'shut-up Maxwell'. The five pilots made their
way through the corn field and over an old barbed-wire fence. Duo stopped briefly to shake his
fist at the offending corn field and ran to catch up with his companions.
As they walked, they quickly came to a large green field, and Wufei scowled.
"Yuy," he started in a warning tone, "why are there COWS here?"
Heero pulled out some papers, and flipped through them. He stopped when he came to a picture.
He pulled it put to show to the others. "This is a picture of Farmer Phil's Prize Winning Cow,
Bessy."
He handed the picture to Wufei, who handed it to Trowa, who (of course) handed it to Quatre,
who handed it to Duo. Duo's eyes widened.
"Damn! That's a big cow!" he exclaimed.
Heero snatched the picture back."Um, yes, it is, but the point is that this cow ate J.'s disk, and we
need to get it back. So fan out and look for this cow. She's branded wit an 'X'."
Quatre blinked. "Um, Heero, they're ALL marked with an 'X'," he pointed out.
Heero shrugged. "Ooookay, then just look for the biggest cow, and give the signal when you find
it."
Everyone agreed and they fanned out amongst the slumbering cattle.
Duo sighed as he flipped on his flashlight. He studied the cows one by one, for having come
from a colony like L2, Duo had never seen a real cow before, and he had to admit that they were
way bigger in real life. If they weren't sleeping he might've been nervous.
Actually, this farm was kind of creepy at night. He found that he really disliked that scarecrow,
and he hated the cornfield it guarded even more. There were offending shadows prancing about
the grounds, and the eerie sounds that would never be found in the colonies surrounded him. It
was so quiet that Duo could hear his own steady breathing in his ears. Suddenly, he felt
something hit him from behind.
"AHH!" he yelled, and was surprised when his own yell was echoed by another one.
Duo whipped around and shined his flashlight directly into the face of Quatre, who's eyes held
the classic 'deer in the headlights' look.
"Christ Quatre! You scared the living hell outta me!" Duo exclaimed, clasping a hand over his
chest.
Quatre let out a sigh of relief. "The feeling's mutual," he replied.
The braided pilot sighed. God, okay this sucks. Listen, this place is so weird, so let's search
together."
Quatre agreed readily, and the pair went off to search. They both felt very uncomfortable, but
better with one another.
"All these cows look alike," Duo commented casually.
Quatre was about to agree when he was stopped short in his tracks. He shined his flashlight over
at a huge shadow and gasped. "Uh. . . Duo. . ."
Duo failed to hear him. "I mean, look at 'em. . ."
"Duo. . ."
"Brown, black, brown, black, brown with white, black with white. . ."
"Duo. . . Duo listen. . ."
"Seriously thought, where's the color scheme?"
Quatre let out an aggravated sigh. "DUO!!" he yelled, his voice echoing all around them.
Duo blinked. "Sh! Be quiet Q!" Duo scolded.
Quatre rolled his eyes. "Duo! Turn around!" Quatre bit out in a harsh whisper.
Duo tilted his head slightly to the side, but shrugged and turned around. He was greeted with the
sight of a huge, and rather imposing looking cow. "GAH!!!" Duo yipped, and fell backwards,
dropping his flashlight on the ground. Quatre blinked, and looked towards the sky as Duo's
shout echoed loudly around them.
Suddenly, they heard footsteps coming toward them, and Trowa appeared out of nowhere, which
wasn't really uncommon.
"Hi Trowa," Quatre greeted cheerfully.
"Hi Quatre," replied Trowa.
The green eyed pilot looked down at Duo who grinned sheepishly.
"Hey Trowa," he said.
"Hey Duo," replied Trowa.
There was an awkward silence and then suddenly Wufei popped up behind a brown cow.
"Hello Wufei," Quatre greeted cheerfully.
"Hello Quatre," replied Wufei
His black vulpine eyes adverted towards Duo who was just getting off of the ground.
"Oh, hey Wufei."
"Hello Maxwell," replied Wufei.
Then Heero just sort of. . . appeared. . . which didn't surprise anyone, as it was his habit.
"Hey, how'd you guys know to come?" Duo asked suddenly.
Wufei climbed over the brown cow. "The signal."
"Oh. . . what WAS the signal anyway?"
"You were," Heero answered.
"Me?"
"Yeah, you yelled," Wufei added.
Duo blinked. "Oh," he pondered, but shrugged it off.
"Anyway, we found the cow," Quatre piped up.
They all turned their attention toward the large, slumbering Bessy.
"So. . . this thing ate the disk?" Quatre asked, his question directed towards Heero. The stoic
pilot nodded.
Wufei examined the animal, walking around it. He looked up at Heero. "Heero, I must inquire.
How do we plan of extracting the disk from the beast?"
Cobalt eyes regarded hin blankly. "I. . . don't know. . ." he admitted.
There was silence as the boys considered this for a moment. Suddenly, Duo cleared his throat.
"Hey, let's tip it over!" he exclaimed.
The other four regarded him with looks of confusion. Trowa was the first to speak (a rarity I
might add).
"Duo. . . perhaps we're missing something, but HOW would tipping the cow over help us get the
disk?" Trowa asked.
"Okay, listen. J. wouldn't send us on this mission if the disk had been chewed up. So, I figure
that the cow couldn't have hurt it or digested it to badly if it's whole. Because of this, one could
conclude that the disk can't be too far along the digestive track. So, by tipping the cow ever, the
impact should dislodge the disk, and the cow will cough it up," Duo said.
Wufei blinked. "Actually, Maxwell, in theory, that might actually work. . ."
"Seeing as how no one has a better idea, I suggest putting the plan in motion," Trowa said.
Quatre shrugged. "Okay, but if you ask me, it's kind of cruel."
"What other options do we have, Q?" Duo asked.
The blonde shook his head, indicating that he hadn't a clue.
Heero took this into consideration. Finally, after a moment, he walked over to the standing,
sleepy Bessy, put his hands on her side, and pushed.
Nothing happened.
Heero continued to push, and after another moment, Wufei began pushing too.
Nothing happened.
So, Trowa jumped in on the action, and once again:
Nothing happened.
Duo rolled up his sleeves and began helping too.
Nothing happened.
Quatre sighed. Then, he came over and reluctantly began pushing too.
The five pilots pushed until sweat beaded on their brows when finally, Bessy began to shift, and
slowly, as if in slow motion, she fell, and right as she made contact with the disk popped out of
her mouth. Quatre eyed it then snatched it up. The other four pilots crowded around him to
examine the disk's condition.
"Gross," Quatre said, holding it out in front of him, as it was covered in saliva and other
unidentified slimy substances.
"Here, Duo, you take it," the blonde shoved it into Duo's hands who made a face of disgust and
passed it to Trowa who passed it to Wufei, who gave it to Heero who put it in his back pocket.
"Mission complete," Heero said
Quatre suddenly turned around to the spot where Bessy had fallen, only to find it vacant.
"Um. . . you guys. . . where's the cow?" he asked.
They all turned and looked at the place where Quatre was looking.
"Um. . . where'd it go?" Duo asked.
Suddenly, as if to say 'I'm down here you SOB's', they heard a distressed and possible confused
"MMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
They looked only to see Bessy rolling down a hill that they hadn't realized they were standing on.
Duo blinked. "Uh-oh," he said flatly.
"I get the felling that it's going to get worse," Trowa commented casually.
Just then, all the other cows began to stir, and when they saw five foreign boys standing in their
field watching as Bessy rolled down a hill, they panicked (understandably so, I mean, you'd panic
too!).
The cows suddenly broke into a stricken run, heading straight toward the pilots.
Duo glared sharply at Trowa. "Oh nice going Tro," he said flatly.
"Just run!" Wufei cried, and they all broke into a sprint down the hill. Quatre looked back and
just happened to glimpse a light being turned on in Farmer Phil's house.
"You guys! The farmer's awake!" he called.
Duo looked back. "Shit!" he commented.
Wufei rolled his eyes. "Why do you do that? It's not like it's going to help the situation!"
Duo shrugged. "I gotta say something! You can't be running from a herd of cattle and NOT say
SOMETHING!" Duo yelled back.
Suddenly they heard a yell over the trampling sound of hooves, and the voice held a hick sort of
drawl. "Ya'll get back har with my cows ya damned kids!" Farmer Phil yelled, shaking his fist.
"Christ, he's got a pitchfork!" Duo exclaimed.
They all picked up their speed, running from the cows, and from an enraged Farmer Phil.
Suddenly, as they neared the bottom of the hill, there was a beeping sound. Heero looked down
at his watch, which told him he had a incoming call. He answered it.
"What?" he asked.
J. looked at him through the small vid. screen. "What's going on? Aren't you done with the
mission yet? What are you five doing?"
"Running!!" Quatre yelled as he ran by. J. tilted his head. "From what?" asked J.
Heero was about to respond, but Wufei ran by with a fleeting call of, "Stampede!!!"
Duo ran passed next, arms in the air. "FARMER!!!!!" he yelled.
Trowa ran by next, but he was silent, as to be expected. Heero shrugged. "Bye," he said, and
turned off the screen. They came to the bottom of the hill, and jumped behind Bessy who was
just getting up in a rather confused haze. The cows ran passed them, and kept going until these
was nothing more than a cloud of fleeting dust in their tracks.
Duo let out a sigh, but too soon, for then they heard the yell of Farmer Phil.
"You little shits! I'm gunna tear your arms off when I get my hands of ya'll!" he yelled, this time
shaking his pitchfork at them.
"Uh. . . what do we do?" Duo asked frantically. Heero looked around.
"Um. . ." his eyes fell of Bessy "The cow!" he exclaimed.
They all looked at Bessy, understanding well enough.
Moments later found the five pilots riding on Bessy's back. Heero was in front as the leader,
followed by Duo, then Trowa, and Quatre, and then Wufei brought up the rear,
"AH! You guys, can't this THING go any faster?!" Quatre yelled, as he had spotted Farmer Phil
close in on their heels.
Duo looked back too, and panicked as he saw Farmer Phil pull a shotgun out of his overalls.
"Heero! How do we go faster?!" he shook the Wing pilot. Heero growled at him.
"How the hell should I know? Do you think I ride cows every day?" Heero shouted back.
"I don't know what you do in your spare time!"
Meanwhile, Wufei had an idea. He looked down at his side to see his sheathed sword bouncing
against his leg. He shrugged. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Taking out his
sword, Wufei took a deep breath and smacked Bessy's behind with the flat of his sword. Bessy
let out a loud and alarmed "MMMOOOOOO!!!" and took off at such a speed that before long,
angry Farmer Phil was nothing more than a black speck in the distance.
The Gundam boys road Bessy well into the morning, and the other four made sure to commend
Wufei on his life saving idea.
When they got back to the safe house, they all dismounted the cow and left her to graze.
"Well, better get this disk to J.," Heero said as they walked through the door.
"Ah, good, you're back," came a voice. They all pulled their guns, but put them away once they
saw that it was Dr. J. They didn't bother wondering how he had found them. . . it just wasn't
worth it. "Did you get the disk?" J. asked.
Heero nodded and he handed the treasured disk to J. J. took the disk and put it in his pocket.
Then, he walked past them, ready to leave. Duo stopped him.
"What was so important about that disk anyway?" he asked.
J. took a brief moment to look at the five collective boys. "Oh, you know. . . old man things."
"Like what?" Duo persisted.
"Oh, just. . . things. . ."
Wufei's eyes widened. "You dirty old bastard!" he yelled.
At the Chinese boy's outburst it dawned on them all.
"No way! You risked our lives for porno!! What the hell!" Duo exclaimed.
J. grinned. "Well, boys, I'd better be going, I have important scientist things to do , so I'll be
seeing you, bye!" he said in a hurry and he left, leaving the five pilots with dropped jaws and
bugged out eyes. J. only took brief notice to the tied up cow in the front yard.
After the initial shock was over, the five pilots went to their own respective activities. Quatre
and Duo went back to their experimental cooking, while Wufei cuddled up with a good book.
Heero continued doing whatever he was doing on his laptop and Trowa watched Quatre and Duo
with silent amusement.
Hours past and dinner was ready. They ended up ordering carry-out as the spaghetti boiled over,
the sauce ended up tasting like a salt and vinegar hybrid while the meat balls never actually made
it to the 'ball' stage.
After their dinner of pizza, Duo leaned back in his chair to take relief off of his full gut. His eyes
glanced out the window where he saw Bessy grazing.
"Hey you guys, what are we gunna do with the cow?" he asked casually.
~*Two Days Later at Treize's*~
Treize gazed at a large box in his yard. He had gotten a huge box, a greeting card, and a few bills
in the mail. The box was heavy and . . . moving. He sighed and cut the clear packaging tape on
the box. He sighed again as he saw that the box was filled with white packing peanuts. Instead
of digging through the packaging he decided to just cut open the box. He was more than
surprised to find a large cow staring at him with dull eyes. Treize blinked but otherwise was not
fazed.
"Zechs!" He called.
The blonde colonel came from the patio along with Noin and Une. "Yes?"
"Zechs, did you order a cow?"
Zechs blinked. "Was I . . . supposed to order. . . a cow?" he asked testily.
". . . No."
"Oh. Then, no, I didn't."
Treize nodded. "Noin, did you?'
". . . I don't think so. . .no," she answered.
Treize sighed. "Une?"
"No sir," replied Lady Une.
The other three came up behind Treize also examining the cow.
"Okay," Treize said. He pulled out his sword again and leveled it with the cow. "I guess we
know what we're having for dinner tonight," Treize finished.
"Oh, good. I'll go get the grill!" offered Zechs and ran off.
"We'll work on the potato salad!" chimed Noin and Une.
And so the sun set on the three officers and on their dinner.
THE END!
No cows were hurt during the making of this fanfic.
A.N.: We want all to know this. . .we got quite a few reviews saying that people in Iowa do not
speak like that. This we are very aware of. Why? Because we LIVE in Iowa!! We were also
told that we didn't know what we were talking about. This statement is very wrong, however.
Why? Because we LIVE in Iowa!! We know for a fact that they don't act that way. We know it
must sound like we're angry, but trust us, we are not offended by these reviews, in fact, we
understand them perfectly. We've run into the same problem multiple times. We just wanted to
clear up that little misunderstanding. Thank you for your time, and please, keep reviewing! We
really do hope you enjoyed this!
By: Lonely Wanderer and Amethyst Tiger
Disclaimer: ::Backing up:: I didn't mean too! Really! ::Backing up more:: I swear I'll never do it
again! I'll only use them in fanfics from now on! I swear!
Some Mysterious Guy: You better.
Author's Note: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!! We were bored once again!! This one was all
Amethyst though. . . .one day she asked me what cow tipping was and this is what became of
that!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Heero, you have a new mission," said Dr. J., his mechanical eyes staring lifelessly at the stoic
pilot.
"What is the objective?" Heero inquired.
J. paused to think.
~*Flashback*~
"So yeah, I think I'll definitely win the Heaviest Cow Contest at the state fair with Bessy this
year."
J. nodded. "Yep, she's a fine looking animal, Phil," he said
"C'mon, I'll show ya the chickens. They been doin' real good this year with the eggs. Got us a
healthy bunch."
"Sounds good," J. answered.
He turned to follow his friend, when e felt a tugging at his lab coat. He turned back just in time
to see a black disk tumble out of his pocket. "Whoops," he said as he bent down to grab the disk.
But J. was old and only part human, so he was a lot slower than Bessy the cow, who picked the
disk up between her teeth, and swallowed it "No!!" cried J. "No!! Not the disk Bessy! Not the
disk!
~*End Flashback*~
"Um. . . you just need to recover a disk, Heero," he said.
Heero raised an eyebrow, and was going to say something, but J. cut him off.
"Actually, on second thought, I think you'd better bring along the others too. . . this mission
could be. . . um. . . trying."
"Why would recovering a disk be trying?" Heero asked.
"Uh. . . well. . .ya know, it's getting late, and I'm old and very tired, and well, I better be off to
bed. Bye now, and you kids have fun! Good luck!" Suddenly, J. disappeared from the screen.
Heero blinked and looked at the clock. It was 10:00 A.M. He thought about this for a moment,
but shrugged it off. He'd always thought that J. was a little senile. . .oh well.
Meanwhile, downstairs, Duo and Quatre were hard at work.
"Try that stuff over there," Quatre said, grabbing a container of spices.
Duo shook his head. "I think we already used that one, Q."
Now Quatre shook HIS head. "No, we used the red one already," he replied.
Duo shrugged. "Whatever, it can't get any worse. I figure, that if we just keep going the
EVENTUALLY it HAS to taste like spaghetti sauce." And Quatre nodded in agreement.
Trowa watched the pair with silent amusement, and Wufei ignored the pair by reading some
nonfiction book that he found fascinating beyond compare.
However, everyone looked up when Heero walked through into the kitchen.
"We have a mission," he said, and slapped a few papers on the table. Quatre and Duo pried
themselves away from their experimental cooking crisis, and joined the other three around the
table.
"So what this time?" Duo asked.
Heero sighed. "A simple recovery operation."
Duo raised an eyebrow. "And that takes all five of us. . . why?" he asked, tapping his fingers on
the tabletop.
"Unfortunately, J. was sketchy on the details, so I guess. . . I don't know."
"Will it be dangerous?" Quatre asked.
Wufei let out a small throaty sound that sounded suspiciously like a chuckle. "Danger. . . in
Iowa? I doubt it," he said.
"I see. Um. . . well. . where at. . in Iowa?" Quatre asked.
"On a farm," Heero answered.
Everyone looked at him as if making sure that they had heard correctly.
"A . . . farm?" Trowa asked, blinking his one visible eye.
". . . Yes," Heero replied quietly. There was a pause.
"Oooooooookkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy. Well then, I guess. . . we should be on our way. . .
.to Iowa,"Duo said.
~*Two Days Later~*
"OW! Damn this corn!" Duo complained as another leaf scratched his arm.
"Stop complaining, Maxwell," Wufei said, "God! This place smells like. . . like. . ."
". . . A farm?" Trowa supplied.
Wufei scowled. "Yes!"
Quatre rolled his eyes. "Hey Heero, are we almost out?"
Heero adjusted his binoculars. "The farmer just turned out the lights in his house. We can move
in now. If we're quiet then the night is all the cover that we'll need," Heero replied.
"Good, 'cause. . . GOD DAMMIT!! I hate this stupid corn!!" Duo exclaimed.
For his outburst he received four 'sh's' and one 'shut-up Maxwell'. The five pilots made their
way through the corn field and over an old barbed-wire fence. Duo stopped briefly to shake his
fist at the offending corn field and ran to catch up with his companions.
As they walked, they quickly came to a large green field, and Wufei scowled.
"Yuy," he started in a warning tone, "why are there COWS here?"
Heero pulled out some papers, and flipped through them. He stopped when he came to a picture.
He pulled it put to show to the others. "This is a picture of Farmer Phil's Prize Winning Cow,
Bessy."
He handed the picture to Wufei, who handed it to Trowa, who (of course) handed it to Quatre,
who handed it to Duo. Duo's eyes widened.
"Damn! That's a big cow!" he exclaimed.
Heero snatched the picture back."Um, yes, it is, but the point is that this cow ate J.'s disk, and we
need to get it back. So fan out and look for this cow. She's branded wit an 'X'."
Quatre blinked. "Um, Heero, they're ALL marked with an 'X'," he pointed out.
Heero shrugged. "Ooookay, then just look for the biggest cow, and give the signal when you find
it."
Everyone agreed and they fanned out amongst the slumbering cattle.
Duo sighed as he flipped on his flashlight. He studied the cows one by one, for having come
from a colony like L2, Duo had never seen a real cow before, and he had to admit that they were
way bigger in real life. If they weren't sleeping he might've been nervous.
Actually, this farm was kind of creepy at night. He found that he really disliked that scarecrow,
and he hated the cornfield it guarded even more. There were offending shadows prancing about
the grounds, and the eerie sounds that would never be found in the colonies surrounded him. It
was so quiet that Duo could hear his own steady breathing in his ears. Suddenly, he felt
something hit him from behind.
"AHH!" he yelled, and was surprised when his own yell was echoed by another one.
Duo whipped around and shined his flashlight directly into the face of Quatre, who's eyes held
the classic 'deer in the headlights' look.
"Christ Quatre! You scared the living hell outta me!" Duo exclaimed, clasping a hand over his
chest.
Quatre let out a sigh of relief. "The feeling's mutual," he replied.
The braided pilot sighed. God, okay this sucks. Listen, this place is so weird, so let's search
together."
Quatre agreed readily, and the pair went off to search. They both felt very uncomfortable, but
better with one another.
"All these cows look alike," Duo commented casually.
Quatre was about to agree when he was stopped short in his tracks. He shined his flashlight over
at a huge shadow and gasped. "Uh. . . Duo. . ."
Duo failed to hear him. "I mean, look at 'em. . ."
"Duo. . ."
"Brown, black, brown, black, brown with white, black with white. . ."
"Duo. . . Duo listen. . ."
"Seriously thought, where's the color scheme?"
Quatre let out an aggravated sigh. "DUO!!" he yelled, his voice echoing all around them.
Duo blinked. "Sh! Be quiet Q!" Duo scolded.
Quatre rolled his eyes. "Duo! Turn around!" Quatre bit out in a harsh whisper.
Duo tilted his head slightly to the side, but shrugged and turned around. He was greeted with the
sight of a huge, and rather imposing looking cow. "GAH!!!" Duo yipped, and fell backwards,
dropping his flashlight on the ground. Quatre blinked, and looked towards the sky as Duo's
shout echoed loudly around them.
Suddenly, they heard footsteps coming toward them, and Trowa appeared out of nowhere, which
wasn't really uncommon.
"Hi Trowa," Quatre greeted cheerfully.
"Hi Quatre," replied Trowa.
The green eyed pilot looked down at Duo who grinned sheepishly.
"Hey Trowa," he said.
"Hey Duo," replied Trowa.
There was an awkward silence and then suddenly Wufei popped up behind a brown cow.
"Hello Wufei," Quatre greeted cheerfully.
"Hello Quatre," replied Wufei
His black vulpine eyes adverted towards Duo who was just getting off of the ground.
"Oh, hey Wufei."
"Hello Maxwell," replied Wufei.
Then Heero just sort of. . . appeared. . . which didn't surprise anyone, as it was his habit.
"Hey, how'd you guys know to come?" Duo asked suddenly.
Wufei climbed over the brown cow. "The signal."
"Oh. . . what WAS the signal anyway?"
"You were," Heero answered.
"Me?"
"Yeah, you yelled," Wufei added.
Duo blinked. "Oh," he pondered, but shrugged it off.
"Anyway, we found the cow," Quatre piped up.
They all turned their attention toward the large, slumbering Bessy.
"So. . . this thing ate the disk?" Quatre asked, his question directed towards Heero. The stoic
pilot nodded.
Wufei examined the animal, walking around it. He looked up at Heero. "Heero, I must inquire.
How do we plan of extracting the disk from the beast?"
Cobalt eyes regarded hin blankly. "I. . . don't know. . ." he admitted.
There was silence as the boys considered this for a moment. Suddenly, Duo cleared his throat.
"Hey, let's tip it over!" he exclaimed.
The other four regarded him with looks of confusion. Trowa was the first to speak (a rarity I
might add).
"Duo. . . perhaps we're missing something, but HOW would tipping the cow over help us get the
disk?" Trowa asked.
"Okay, listen. J. wouldn't send us on this mission if the disk had been chewed up. So, I figure
that the cow couldn't have hurt it or digested it to badly if it's whole. Because of this, one could
conclude that the disk can't be too far along the digestive track. So, by tipping the cow ever, the
impact should dislodge the disk, and the cow will cough it up," Duo said.
Wufei blinked. "Actually, Maxwell, in theory, that might actually work. . ."
"Seeing as how no one has a better idea, I suggest putting the plan in motion," Trowa said.
Quatre shrugged. "Okay, but if you ask me, it's kind of cruel."
"What other options do we have, Q?" Duo asked.
The blonde shook his head, indicating that he hadn't a clue.
Heero took this into consideration. Finally, after a moment, he walked over to the standing,
sleepy Bessy, put his hands on her side, and pushed.
Nothing happened.
Heero continued to push, and after another moment, Wufei began pushing too.
Nothing happened.
So, Trowa jumped in on the action, and once again:
Nothing happened.
Duo rolled up his sleeves and began helping too.
Nothing happened.
Quatre sighed. Then, he came over and reluctantly began pushing too.
The five pilots pushed until sweat beaded on their brows when finally, Bessy began to shift, and
slowly, as if in slow motion, she fell, and right as she made contact with the disk popped out of
her mouth. Quatre eyed it then snatched it up. The other four pilots crowded around him to
examine the disk's condition.
"Gross," Quatre said, holding it out in front of him, as it was covered in saliva and other
unidentified slimy substances.
"Here, Duo, you take it," the blonde shoved it into Duo's hands who made a face of disgust and
passed it to Trowa who passed it to Wufei, who gave it to Heero who put it in his back pocket.
"Mission complete," Heero said
Quatre suddenly turned around to the spot where Bessy had fallen, only to find it vacant.
"Um. . . you guys. . . where's the cow?" he asked.
They all turned and looked at the place where Quatre was looking.
"Um. . . where'd it go?" Duo asked.
Suddenly, as if to say 'I'm down here you SOB's', they heard a distressed and possible confused
"MMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
They looked only to see Bessy rolling down a hill that they hadn't realized they were standing on.
Duo blinked. "Uh-oh," he said flatly.
"I get the felling that it's going to get worse," Trowa commented casually.
Just then, all the other cows began to stir, and when they saw five foreign boys standing in their
field watching as Bessy rolled down a hill, they panicked (understandably so, I mean, you'd panic
too!).
The cows suddenly broke into a stricken run, heading straight toward the pilots.
Duo glared sharply at Trowa. "Oh nice going Tro," he said flatly.
"Just run!" Wufei cried, and they all broke into a sprint down the hill. Quatre looked back and
just happened to glimpse a light being turned on in Farmer Phil's house.
"You guys! The farmer's awake!" he called.
Duo looked back. "Shit!" he commented.
Wufei rolled his eyes. "Why do you do that? It's not like it's going to help the situation!"
Duo shrugged. "I gotta say something! You can't be running from a herd of cattle and NOT say
SOMETHING!" Duo yelled back.
Suddenly they heard a yell over the trampling sound of hooves, and the voice held a hick sort of
drawl. "Ya'll get back har with my cows ya damned kids!" Farmer Phil yelled, shaking his fist.
"Christ, he's got a pitchfork!" Duo exclaimed.
They all picked up their speed, running from the cows, and from an enraged Farmer Phil.
Suddenly, as they neared the bottom of the hill, there was a beeping sound. Heero looked down
at his watch, which told him he had a incoming call. He answered it.
"What?" he asked.
J. looked at him through the small vid. screen. "What's going on? Aren't you done with the
mission yet? What are you five doing?"
"Running!!" Quatre yelled as he ran by. J. tilted his head. "From what?" asked J.
Heero was about to respond, but Wufei ran by with a fleeting call of, "Stampede!!!"
Duo ran passed next, arms in the air. "FARMER!!!!!" he yelled.
Trowa ran by next, but he was silent, as to be expected. Heero shrugged. "Bye," he said, and
turned off the screen. They came to the bottom of the hill, and jumped behind Bessy who was
just getting up in a rather confused haze. The cows ran passed them, and kept going until these
was nothing more than a cloud of fleeting dust in their tracks.
Duo let out a sigh, but too soon, for then they heard the yell of Farmer Phil.
"You little shits! I'm gunna tear your arms off when I get my hands of ya'll!" he yelled, this time
shaking his pitchfork at them.
"Uh. . . what do we do?" Duo asked frantically. Heero looked around.
"Um. . ." his eyes fell of Bessy "The cow!" he exclaimed.
They all looked at Bessy, understanding well enough.
Moments later found the five pilots riding on Bessy's back. Heero was in front as the leader,
followed by Duo, then Trowa, and Quatre, and then Wufei brought up the rear,
"AH! You guys, can't this THING go any faster?!" Quatre yelled, as he had spotted Farmer Phil
close in on their heels.
Duo looked back too, and panicked as he saw Farmer Phil pull a shotgun out of his overalls.
"Heero! How do we go faster?!" he shook the Wing pilot. Heero growled at him.
"How the hell should I know? Do you think I ride cows every day?" Heero shouted back.
"I don't know what you do in your spare time!"
Meanwhile, Wufei had an idea. He looked down at his side to see his sheathed sword bouncing
against his leg. He shrugged. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Taking out his
sword, Wufei took a deep breath and smacked Bessy's behind with the flat of his sword. Bessy
let out a loud and alarmed "MMMOOOOOO!!!" and took off at such a speed that before long,
angry Farmer Phil was nothing more than a black speck in the distance.
The Gundam boys road Bessy well into the morning, and the other four made sure to commend
Wufei on his life saving idea.
When they got back to the safe house, they all dismounted the cow and left her to graze.
"Well, better get this disk to J.," Heero said as they walked through the door.
"Ah, good, you're back," came a voice. They all pulled their guns, but put them away once they
saw that it was Dr. J. They didn't bother wondering how he had found them. . . it just wasn't
worth it. "Did you get the disk?" J. asked.
Heero nodded and he handed the treasured disk to J. J. took the disk and put it in his pocket.
Then, he walked past them, ready to leave. Duo stopped him.
"What was so important about that disk anyway?" he asked.
J. took a brief moment to look at the five collective boys. "Oh, you know. . . old man things."
"Like what?" Duo persisted.
"Oh, just. . . things. . ."
Wufei's eyes widened. "You dirty old bastard!" he yelled.
At the Chinese boy's outburst it dawned on them all.
"No way! You risked our lives for porno!! What the hell!" Duo exclaimed.
J. grinned. "Well, boys, I'd better be going, I have important scientist things to do , so I'll be
seeing you, bye!" he said in a hurry and he left, leaving the five pilots with dropped jaws and
bugged out eyes. J. only took brief notice to the tied up cow in the front yard.
After the initial shock was over, the five pilots went to their own respective activities. Quatre
and Duo went back to their experimental cooking, while Wufei cuddled up with a good book.
Heero continued doing whatever he was doing on his laptop and Trowa watched Quatre and Duo
with silent amusement.
Hours past and dinner was ready. They ended up ordering carry-out as the spaghetti boiled over,
the sauce ended up tasting like a salt and vinegar hybrid while the meat balls never actually made
it to the 'ball' stage.
After their dinner of pizza, Duo leaned back in his chair to take relief off of his full gut. His eyes
glanced out the window where he saw Bessy grazing.
"Hey you guys, what are we gunna do with the cow?" he asked casually.
~*Two Days Later at Treize's*~
Treize gazed at a large box in his yard. He had gotten a huge box, a greeting card, and a few bills
in the mail. The box was heavy and . . . moving. He sighed and cut the clear packaging tape on
the box. He sighed again as he saw that the box was filled with white packing peanuts. Instead
of digging through the packaging he decided to just cut open the box. He was more than
surprised to find a large cow staring at him with dull eyes. Treize blinked but otherwise was not
fazed.
"Zechs!" He called.
The blonde colonel came from the patio along with Noin and Une. "Yes?"
"Zechs, did you order a cow?"
Zechs blinked. "Was I . . . supposed to order. . . a cow?" he asked testily.
". . . No."
"Oh. Then, no, I didn't."
Treize nodded. "Noin, did you?'
". . . I don't think so. . .no," she answered.
Treize sighed. "Une?"
"No sir," replied Lady Une.
The other three came up behind Treize also examining the cow.
"Okay," Treize said. He pulled out his sword again and leveled it with the cow. "I guess we
know what we're having for dinner tonight," Treize finished.
"Oh, good. I'll go get the grill!" offered Zechs and ran off.
"We'll work on the potato salad!" chimed Noin and Une.
And so the sun set on the three officers and on their dinner.
THE END!
No cows were hurt during the making of this fanfic.
A.N.: We want all to know this. . .we got quite a few reviews saying that people in Iowa do not
speak like that. This we are very aware of. Why? Because we LIVE in Iowa!! We were also
told that we didn't know what we were talking about. This statement is very wrong, however.
Why? Because we LIVE in Iowa!! We know for a fact that they don't act that way. We know it
must sound like we're angry, but trust us, we are not offended by these reviews, in fact, we
understand them perfectly. We've run into the same problem multiple times. We just wanted to
clear up that little misunderstanding. Thank you for your time, and please, keep reviewing! We
really do hope you enjoyed this!