Why were they having this conversation again? Oh, yes, now he remembered. It was because Sohryu didn't think his last report was satisfactory enough. Because he took his responsibilities for granted. Because he didn't try his best in anything he was assigned to. Now why was it taking an hour later than he had estimated? Sohryu's lectures didn't take this long…
He gazed out the window. It was raining heavily now. It had been since last night. It was so dark that if he didn't have a conscious knowledge of the time, he would have thought that it was deep into the night.
"Byakko," Came an annoyed call from somewhere in front of him.
He blinked. And jumped at the close proximity of Sohryu's face, tilting his chair back and he crashed on the floor with it. Releasing a strangled cry, he felt his head colliding heavily against the floor.
"I have called you five times and you never responded." The dragon continued, his eyes narrowing as he drew back and sat on his chair, making Byakko feel even worse. "It seems you haven't been listening through the course of our discussion. Would you like us to suspend the meeting until you finally decide to listen?" He waved a hand to the rest of the room where all the twelve top Shikigami were gathered - Tenkuu included.
"I'll pay attention…" He muttered, pouting. Repositioning his chair again, he sat back down and pretended to look remorseful, his eye catching the subtle laugh Suzaku hid behind a hand and a cough.
Sohryu looked grudgingly convinced and continued on his discussion before he had taken up the subject of Byakko's report.
--------
It was still raining.
He sighed, looking out to the pond, sitting on the corridor railing, facing towards the carp pond. The sky was dark now, blackish in color despite it being just somewhere within the mid-afternoon.
He was bothered, though, about the meeting. Did Sohryu really need to call him a twit? That he was only a bother to everyone else? That he did nothing but lounge around and made work harder for them? That he was a shame to be one of the four animal gods?
He sighed again, drawing his knees to his chest and bowed his head, trying to be rid off of Sohryu's infuriated verbal blows. Byakko had only made the mistake of yawning… he didn't do it on purpose. He already had apologized handful of times, but Sohryu had still been angry with him. Kijin and Tenkou were able to calm him down, but their father had refused to forgive him.
Deciding on not making the dragon angrier, he had left the room and here he was now, wallowing in depression.
Was it his fault that he just wanted to make the room livelier? That he wanted everyone to relax? To release the tension in the air? That he was born as the wind god? He never made the choice to be one. He was never told 'hey, do you want to be one of the strongest shiki?' Never.
Sohryu didn't know. The others didn't know. Nobody but he knew. He was not a responsible person like Sohryu is, he was not empathic like Suzaku is, and he was not as knowledgeable as Genbu. Not as powerful as Touda, not as sweet as Tenkou, not as capable as Kijin - not as respectable as the others. He was merely a fool to them, an idiot. Just Tenkou's playmate, Kijin's amusement, Suzaku's best friend.
They don't notice that he was their support. If Sohryu were frustrated at something that he couldn't control, Byakko would be there, annoying him and letting him be angry with him, letting him vent out all his frustration. If Suzaku were bothered by Tsuzuki's depression, he would be beside her, cracking jokes to make her smile and laugh and forget. If Touda felt lonely, if he was bothered enough to leave traces of it in the air, Byakko would discreetly make him feel wanted, like pointing Suzaku in his direction. If Kijin were pressured, he just stood near him, listening to his complaints and opinions. If Tenkou were in need of a companion, he would pop out from behind and startle her, asking for a game of tag or other. He was their silent pillar, helping them through the day.
He had never bothered them with his own problems. Like how each day Sohryu began to wear through his mental shields, his anger starting to affect him, how his mantra of 'he is just busy that he doesn't know what he is saying' had not reconciled him lately. Like how it was harder on him to make Suzaku laugh anymore. Like how Touda's loneliness started to remind him that he himself was lonely. Like how it was hard for him to justify Kijin's complaints of how everyone put things on his shoulders. Like how it was hard for him to smile for Tenkou and cheer her up.
With a shaky breath, he swung his legs over the railing and launched himself from the comfort of Tenkuu's roof. At once, he felt the harsh rain battering at him, temporarily deafening him from any other sounds but he paid no heed of it.
They did not need another problem in their hands. They did not need to know another's problem. They did not need to feel for another when their own hands were full. They did not need to know how he felt. They did not need to know how tired he was.
He heavily fell to his knees and cried silently, his tears mingling in with the rain, washed away and hidden from others' prying eyes.
After all, they would only think of it as him playing in the rain.
Nami-chan notes: Another rainfic. Brought about another afternoon of raining. Only this time, I've gone from lonely to depressed. What's next? A cute Tsu/Hi fluff? That doesn't sound bad but I tend to make fluffy things even sweeter than strawberry shake with two cups of sugar. …I ran out of tea. Going off to get another cup. Everyone's going to be sick of rainfics because of me now. Thanks to the reviewers of 'Midnight' as well. I've been happy ever since,
Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei doesn't belong to Inami. Inami's too young to have enough money to buy it, anyway.