The Episode of Gundam Wing You DIDN'T See
By: Lonely Wanderer and Amethyst Tiger
Disclaimer: Psychiatrist: C'mon, say it. The first step is admitting it.
Me: Fine! I. DON'T. OWN. GUNDAM. WING!!! There ya happy now?!!
Psychiatrist: Very good, now, step two is doing something about it.
Me: Ch! Screw you! I'm outta here!!
Psychiatrist: No! Wait come back. . . .!! (fades off)
Author's Note: Ever wonder what the result of Pepsi and two plates of french fries would be?
Well, we found out. . .it's this!!!! So read, enjoy, and try not to get too scared!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Treize stood before a room full of Romerfeller representatives. He despised them all.
There wasn't an intelligent one among them, which was why it was necessary for Oz to take it
over. With him as the leader of the Earth's Sphere, idiots like the ones before him would never
find a place in the political world. Of course, his take-over would take a certain amount of effort
because there are always other people involved. The challenge was what life was all about
though, and Treize Kushrenada would overcome those petty obstacles with little difficulty. He
would use whatever means necessary.
The room began to quiet down then and people took their seats. Treize cleared his throat
and began his speech. He practically told them that he was planning a takeover of the foundation
and that he would make it hostile if it were necessary. However, he coated his words with
metaphoric honey and they all bought it. There were those who were still wary about it though.
"Treize! What about us? What if what you're doing is condemned by the almighty God?"
asked one man, and several muttered their agreements.
Another stood up then. "Yeah! What would Jesus do?"
Treize grinned. He was prepared for this one. "I'm sure God would agree with the steps
we're taking," he answered.
The same man did not look satisfied. "But how do you know?" he asked.
Treize cleared his throat. "Because, gentlemen, I have spoken with the Lord." There was
an excited wave of talking then, and Treize still smiled. He gave the signal to the guard, who
would get the word to Zechs. Zechs would help him carry out his plan.
"You have not!" someone yelled, and others readily backed him up.
"Ah, but I have! The Lord and I were having coffee the other day and–"
"Oh come on! You don't really expect us to buy that do you?"
Treize looked offended. "Are you accusing me of lying? I am insulted! God, my good
friend, come forth and speak to these men!" Treize looked up toward the ceiling. Suddenly, a
voice, deep and familiar only to Treize, filled the room.
"Yes! It is I, God!" said the voice. All of the people looked utterly shocked. Treize leaned
against the podium casually.
"Hey, God! What's goin' on?"
"Nothin' much. Just catchin' up on some readin' and what not. So ya called. What's up?"
Treize shrugged. "These people don't believe that you and I hang out together. And they
think I'm doing something majorly wrong! Would you tell them what you told me about my
idea?"
"Sure thing! Listen people. This here is a smart guy. What he's doin' is totally cool with
me!! So uh. . .if you don't wanna go to hell and stuff you better listen to him, okay? Well, I gotta
go I–"
Suddenly, one of the representatives stood up. "Wait God! Is it really you!? I don't
believe I'm actually hearing this! This is so weird! Can I get your autograph!?" Several other
people asked as well.
"Uh. . .no. . .God doesn't give autographs!"
"God, what's the meaning of life?" asked one.
"Uh. . .death."
One person raised his eyebrow. "Death?"
"Yes, death, you live waiting for death!"
"Oh, well. . .do you know my grandpa?"
"Um. . .sure, we play cards together every Friday?"
"Oh, well, can I get your picture?"
"No! Got doesn't give photographs! There are no cameras in heaven!"
"Oh well, what's with lightening? I mean, that stuff is dangerous!"
"Um. . .electrical problems!"
"You have electricity in heaven?"
"Of coarse we do! Thomas Edison and those people hooked it up!"
"What about thunder! I hate thunder!"
"Um. . .bowling night!"
"What about rain!"
"Leaks!"
"Heaven has leaks?"
"Um. . .yes you asshole! That's it, you're going to hell!"
"Awww!"
Treize sweat dropped. "Um. . .okay, God has to go now 'cause um. . .he's got a. . .a
baseball game with Jesus. . .so uh. . ."
Suddenly there was a rustling sound. "Zechs, what are you doing?" came another loud
voice.
"Uh Noin. . .er Mary! Hello!"
"Mary? What are you talking about?"
One of the men stood up. "God, what's going on?"
"Um. . .just talkin' to Mary."
The female voice cut in. "What the hell are you doing!?" it yelled.
"Uh. . .uh. . .it's just um. . ."
"Hey God, what's goin' on?"
"Uh. . .er. . .it's Mary's time of the month! She's a little spasy, I–hey Noin, I mean, Mary!
Put the gun down!"
"God? Mary has a gun?"
"Uh. . .yeah, I tried to take it from her but she wouldn't let me! She stopped taking her
medication and–Ah!"
"You bastard Zechs!" Suddenly a gunshot was heard.
Treize blinked. . .this was not going as planned.
"Ow! Damn it Mary that hurt!"
"Um. . .excuse me God. Why does she call you Zechs?"
"Uh. . .old Highschool nick name!"
"You went to Highschool!"
"Um. . .yeah. . .um. . ."
"Zechs!"
"Uh. . .Mary just wait a minute--" Another gunshot exploded.
"Damn it! Why do you always act this way Mary! This is no way to treat God!"
"Treat God!?" Another gunshot.
"Ow!"
"You deserved it! Why are you being an idiot? And damn it! Put the fucking toilet seat
down when you're done!"
Everyone in the room sweat dropped. "Um. . .God?" said one.
"I gotta go! Bye you guys!"
Treize blinked again. "Um. . .so. . .as you can see. . .God says everything is A-ok! So this
meeting is over now, buh-bye!" And with that Treize ran out.
As the people left there was a lot of conversation about what was just heard. "Wow! Who
knew God was such a down to Earth guy?" asked one.
Another nodded. "Yeah, nowhere in the Bible does it mention that Mary was on
medication!"
The other shrugged. "Well you learn something new every day!"
***Two Weeks Later***
Zechs lay in a hospital bed wrapped from head to toe in bandages. Noin was arranging
flowers on the desktop next to him when Treize came in with a bouquet, which he handed to
Noin.
"So Zechs, how ya doin'?"
"I'm okay. Doctor says one of my ribs didn't break and that the ten gunshot wounds
should heal in no time."
Treize smiled. "That's good to hear."
Suddenly, Noin pulled him to the side. "Um. . .Treize may I ask you a question?"
Treize shrugged. "Sure," he said.
"Why was Zechs acting so weird?"
Treize glanced over at Zechs and then back over to Noin. "Well," he whispered "You
didn't hear this from me. But he hasn't been taking his meds."
Noin gasped. "Really? I had no idea Zechs was on medication!"
Treize nodded. "Oh yeah, and for good reason too. A few months ago he was a patient at
the mental ward."
Noin's eyes went wide. "NO!!"
"Yes."
Noin shook her head. "I never would have guessed. Well, okay then thanks. I have to go
now. I have an appointment to keep. Bye Treize."
She turned to Zechs. "Bye bye Zechs," she said as if she were talking to a child.
Zechs blinked. "Uh. . .yeah. . .bye," he said. He looked at Treize with a raised eyebrow.
"What was that all about?"
Treize shrugged. "Who knows."
***A Month Later***
Tallgeese jumped in front of Zero. "We fight now Heero Yuy!" He said. Zero didn't
move. ". . .Heero?" Zechs asked. There was still silence.
Suddenly Duo popped up on the screen. "Um. . .sorry Zechs, but Heero says he's not
gonna fight you."
Zechs blinked. "Why?"
Duo fidgeted in his seat. "Well. . .um. . .he says it's against his code."
Now Zechs was even more confused. "What code?" he asked.
Duo bit his lip. "The code that says. . .it's not nice to mess with the crazies!"
Zechs blinked again. "What are you talking about?"
Duo disappeared from the screen and Quatre showed up in his place. "Well, we heard
about your. . .visit. . .to the mental ward, so. . .yeah. . .we gotta go. Bye Zechs!" And all five
Gundams flew off.
"Hey wait! What are you talking about!? I never went to a mental ward!"
"Sure Zechs," came Wufei's voice over the com link.
"I didn't!" he yelled.
"Maybe you should go back," said Trowa.
"Yeah," agreed Wufei, and the link was cut.
Zechs blinked. "But I. . .didn't. . .I need to go talk to Noin."
Zechs flew off and landed at the base that he and Noin were currently living in. He
walked into her room and saw her reading. She looked up. "Oh hi Zechs! How are you feeling?
Would you like something to eat? Or maybe you wanna take a nap?" She asked in a high voice.
Zechs suddenly felt like a five year old. "Noin, the Gundam pilots were acting weird and
I–"
Noin stood up. "The Gundam pilots! Did they hurt you? Are you okay?" She asked.
Zechs sweat dropped. "I'm. . .fine. . .but I uh really was just wondering if. . ."
"Sh! It's okay sweetie!" Noin said as she grabbed Zechs and hugged him to her chest. "I
won't let those meanie, no good, boys ever hurt you again! No I won't!"
Zechs sweat dropped even more. "Uh. . .Noin. . .I um. . ."
Suddenly the phone rang and Noin picked it up. "Hello? Oh yes, here he is." She said and
handed the phone to Zechs.
"Hello?"
"Yes, hi, Zechs. This is Treize."
Zechs nodded. "Hi Treize."
"Hi. So listen, Zechs. I have a meeting you need to attend this evening."
Zechs shrugged. "Sure, okay."
Later that night, Zechs left and went to where the meeting was being held. There were
more Romerfeller representatives there, and Treize was speaking to them once again. "Now you
will hear a few words from the famous Zechs Marquise."
Zechs stepped out onto the podium. "What Treize says is true. The Gundam menace is
being dealt with efficiently and in due time will no longer be a threat. That is however if--"
Suddenly a man stood up. "Hey everybody! It's God!" he yelled. Everyone started
nodding and talking.
Treize looked at Zechs and vice-versa. "Uh-oh." said Treize. Zechs nodded.
Then, someone else stood up. "So wait. If God sounds like Zechs and. . .Zechs is. . .here
then. . ."
"They're on to us!" said Treize. He looked worried. Zechs was about to respond when the
guy spoke again.
"Then that means that Zechs. . .is. . .God!"
Someone else stood up then. "Hey yeah! Zechs is God everybody!"
"Wait though. I heard that Zechs went to a mental ward." came another voice.
"Hey yeah, me too."
"I did not! I never went to a mental ward and I'm not God!" yelled Zechs.
Everyone silent for a moment. "Yeah, so anyway, like I was saying, Zechs went to a
mental ward and. . ." The entire room was filled with talk again.
Zechs sighed in frustration. "Treize I--" He started to say. However, when he turned
around, all he faced was air. He looked out the window to his left and saw Treize's plane lift off
the ground. He let out a frustrated sigh and began hitting his head against the podium.
Suddenly they all heard thunder and a loud, booming voice filled the room. "Who dare
call this man, Zechs Marquise, God! For I am the one true God!"
Everyone looked up. "Wait. If you're God, then who's that?" asked a person and pointed
to Zechs, who was still hitting his head against the podium.
"Why that is a mere mortal man!"
The person put his hands on his hips. "How do we know?"
"What do you mean? I am the true God!"
The person rolled his eyes. "What proof do you have?"
"I need no proof, for I am God! I can turn water into blood! With my power the dead may
walk again!"
"Oh come on now. You really expect us to believe that?"
"But. . .but. . .I am!"
The person rolled his eyes."Whatever, talk to the hand!"
"Yeah!" yelled a large group of people.
"You will all burn in hell for your insolence!"
"Sure, whatever."
All was silent then as the voice left. Then another person spoke. "You know that was
probably just some soldier of Treize's."
Another agreed. "Yeah. Treize probably talked to him before the meeting, then when he
was giving his speech, gave a secret signal to a one of the guards, who got word to another
soldier that it was time, and then he came over a loud speaker and acted like God."
Zechs heard this and hit his head harder against the podium.
"Yeah, this meeting was a complete waste of my time. Let's all go home." Everyone
readily agreed and started to file out of the conference room. The last person out yawned. "Bye
God." He said and turned out the lights. Zechs hit his head harder.
THE END!
We are sorry if this offended any of you! This was all in good fun!
By: Lonely Wanderer and Amethyst Tiger
Disclaimer: Psychiatrist: C'mon, say it. The first step is admitting it.
Me: Fine! I. DON'T. OWN. GUNDAM. WING!!! There ya happy now?!!
Psychiatrist: Very good, now, step two is doing something about it.
Me: Ch! Screw you! I'm outta here!!
Psychiatrist: No! Wait come back. . . .!! (fades off)
Author's Note: Ever wonder what the result of Pepsi and two plates of french fries would be?
Well, we found out. . .it's this!!!! So read, enjoy, and try not to get too scared!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Treize stood before a room full of Romerfeller representatives. He despised them all.
There wasn't an intelligent one among them, which was why it was necessary for Oz to take it
over. With him as the leader of the Earth's Sphere, idiots like the ones before him would never
find a place in the political world. Of course, his take-over would take a certain amount of effort
because there are always other people involved. The challenge was what life was all about
though, and Treize Kushrenada would overcome those petty obstacles with little difficulty. He
would use whatever means necessary.
The room began to quiet down then and people took their seats. Treize cleared his throat
and began his speech. He practically told them that he was planning a takeover of the foundation
and that he would make it hostile if it were necessary. However, he coated his words with
metaphoric honey and they all bought it. There were those who were still wary about it though.
"Treize! What about us? What if what you're doing is condemned by the almighty God?"
asked one man, and several muttered their agreements.
Another stood up then. "Yeah! What would Jesus do?"
Treize grinned. He was prepared for this one. "I'm sure God would agree with the steps
we're taking," he answered.
The same man did not look satisfied. "But how do you know?" he asked.
Treize cleared his throat. "Because, gentlemen, I have spoken with the Lord." There was
an excited wave of talking then, and Treize still smiled. He gave the signal to the guard, who
would get the word to Zechs. Zechs would help him carry out his plan.
"You have not!" someone yelled, and others readily backed him up.
"Ah, but I have! The Lord and I were having coffee the other day and–"
"Oh come on! You don't really expect us to buy that do you?"
Treize looked offended. "Are you accusing me of lying? I am insulted! God, my good
friend, come forth and speak to these men!" Treize looked up toward the ceiling. Suddenly, a
voice, deep and familiar only to Treize, filled the room.
"Yes! It is I, God!" said the voice. All of the people looked utterly shocked. Treize leaned
against the podium casually.
"Hey, God! What's goin' on?"
"Nothin' much. Just catchin' up on some readin' and what not. So ya called. What's up?"
Treize shrugged. "These people don't believe that you and I hang out together. And they
think I'm doing something majorly wrong! Would you tell them what you told me about my
idea?"
"Sure thing! Listen people. This here is a smart guy. What he's doin' is totally cool with
me!! So uh. . .if you don't wanna go to hell and stuff you better listen to him, okay? Well, I gotta
go I–"
Suddenly, one of the representatives stood up. "Wait God! Is it really you!? I don't
believe I'm actually hearing this! This is so weird! Can I get your autograph!?" Several other
people asked as well.
"Uh. . .no. . .God doesn't give autographs!"
"God, what's the meaning of life?" asked one.
"Uh. . .death."
One person raised his eyebrow. "Death?"
"Yes, death, you live waiting for death!"
"Oh, well. . .do you know my grandpa?"
"Um. . .sure, we play cards together every Friday?"
"Oh, well, can I get your picture?"
"No! Got doesn't give photographs! There are no cameras in heaven!"
"Oh well, what's with lightening? I mean, that stuff is dangerous!"
"Um. . .electrical problems!"
"You have electricity in heaven?"
"Of coarse we do! Thomas Edison and those people hooked it up!"
"What about thunder! I hate thunder!"
"Um. . .bowling night!"
"What about rain!"
"Leaks!"
"Heaven has leaks?"
"Um. . .yes you asshole! That's it, you're going to hell!"
"Awww!"
Treize sweat dropped. "Um. . .okay, God has to go now 'cause um. . .he's got a. . .a
baseball game with Jesus. . .so uh. . ."
Suddenly there was a rustling sound. "Zechs, what are you doing?" came another loud
voice.
"Uh Noin. . .er Mary! Hello!"
"Mary? What are you talking about?"
One of the men stood up. "God, what's going on?"
"Um. . .just talkin' to Mary."
The female voice cut in. "What the hell are you doing!?" it yelled.
"Uh. . .uh. . .it's just um. . ."
"Hey God, what's goin' on?"
"Uh. . .er. . .it's Mary's time of the month! She's a little spasy, I–hey Noin, I mean, Mary!
Put the gun down!"
"God? Mary has a gun?"
"Uh. . .yeah, I tried to take it from her but she wouldn't let me! She stopped taking her
medication and–Ah!"
"You bastard Zechs!" Suddenly a gunshot was heard.
Treize blinked. . .this was not going as planned.
"Ow! Damn it Mary that hurt!"
"Um. . .excuse me God. Why does she call you Zechs?"
"Uh. . .old Highschool nick name!"
"You went to Highschool!"
"Um. . .yeah. . .um. . ."
"Zechs!"
"Uh. . .Mary just wait a minute--" Another gunshot exploded.
"Damn it! Why do you always act this way Mary! This is no way to treat God!"
"Treat God!?" Another gunshot.
"Ow!"
"You deserved it! Why are you being an idiot? And damn it! Put the fucking toilet seat
down when you're done!"
Everyone in the room sweat dropped. "Um. . .God?" said one.
"I gotta go! Bye you guys!"
Treize blinked again. "Um. . .so. . .as you can see. . .God says everything is A-ok! So this
meeting is over now, buh-bye!" And with that Treize ran out.
As the people left there was a lot of conversation about what was just heard. "Wow! Who
knew God was such a down to Earth guy?" asked one.
Another nodded. "Yeah, nowhere in the Bible does it mention that Mary was on
medication!"
The other shrugged. "Well you learn something new every day!"
***Two Weeks Later***
Zechs lay in a hospital bed wrapped from head to toe in bandages. Noin was arranging
flowers on the desktop next to him when Treize came in with a bouquet, which he handed to
Noin.
"So Zechs, how ya doin'?"
"I'm okay. Doctor says one of my ribs didn't break and that the ten gunshot wounds
should heal in no time."
Treize smiled. "That's good to hear."
Suddenly, Noin pulled him to the side. "Um. . .Treize may I ask you a question?"
Treize shrugged. "Sure," he said.
"Why was Zechs acting so weird?"
Treize glanced over at Zechs and then back over to Noin. "Well," he whispered "You
didn't hear this from me. But he hasn't been taking his meds."
Noin gasped. "Really? I had no idea Zechs was on medication!"
Treize nodded. "Oh yeah, and for good reason too. A few months ago he was a patient at
the mental ward."
Noin's eyes went wide. "NO!!"
"Yes."
Noin shook her head. "I never would have guessed. Well, okay then thanks. I have to go
now. I have an appointment to keep. Bye Treize."
She turned to Zechs. "Bye bye Zechs," she said as if she were talking to a child.
Zechs blinked. "Uh. . .yeah. . .bye," he said. He looked at Treize with a raised eyebrow.
"What was that all about?"
Treize shrugged. "Who knows."
***A Month Later***
Tallgeese jumped in front of Zero. "We fight now Heero Yuy!" He said. Zero didn't
move. ". . .Heero?" Zechs asked. There was still silence.
Suddenly Duo popped up on the screen. "Um. . .sorry Zechs, but Heero says he's not
gonna fight you."
Zechs blinked. "Why?"
Duo fidgeted in his seat. "Well. . .um. . .he says it's against his code."
Now Zechs was even more confused. "What code?" he asked.
Duo bit his lip. "The code that says. . .it's not nice to mess with the crazies!"
Zechs blinked again. "What are you talking about?"
Duo disappeared from the screen and Quatre showed up in his place. "Well, we heard
about your. . .visit. . .to the mental ward, so. . .yeah. . .we gotta go. Bye Zechs!" And all five
Gundams flew off.
"Hey wait! What are you talking about!? I never went to a mental ward!"
"Sure Zechs," came Wufei's voice over the com link.
"I didn't!" he yelled.
"Maybe you should go back," said Trowa.
"Yeah," agreed Wufei, and the link was cut.
Zechs blinked. "But I. . .didn't. . .I need to go talk to Noin."
Zechs flew off and landed at the base that he and Noin were currently living in. He
walked into her room and saw her reading. She looked up. "Oh hi Zechs! How are you feeling?
Would you like something to eat? Or maybe you wanna take a nap?" She asked in a high voice.
Zechs suddenly felt like a five year old. "Noin, the Gundam pilots were acting weird and
I–"
Noin stood up. "The Gundam pilots! Did they hurt you? Are you okay?" She asked.
Zechs sweat dropped. "I'm. . .fine. . .but I uh really was just wondering if. . ."
"Sh! It's okay sweetie!" Noin said as she grabbed Zechs and hugged him to her chest. "I
won't let those meanie, no good, boys ever hurt you again! No I won't!"
Zechs sweat dropped even more. "Uh. . .Noin. . .I um. . ."
Suddenly the phone rang and Noin picked it up. "Hello? Oh yes, here he is." She said and
handed the phone to Zechs.
"Hello?"
"Yes, hi, Zechs. This is Treize."
Zechs nodded. "Hi Treize."
"Hi. So listen, Zechs. I have a meeting you need to attend this evening."
Zechs shrugged. "Sure, okay."
Later that night, Zechs left and went to where the meeting was being held. There were
more Romerfeller representatives there, and Treize was speaking to them once again. "Now you
will hear a few words from the famous Zechs Marquise."
Zechs stepped out onto the podium. "What Treize says is true. The Gundam menace is
being dealt with efficiently and in due time will no longer be a threat. That is however if--"
Suddenly a man stood up. "Hey everybody! It's God!" he yelled. Everyone started
nodding and talking.
Treize looked at Zechs and vice-versa. "Uh-oh." said Treize. Zechs nodded.
Then, someone else stood up. "So wait. If God sounds like Zechs and. . .Zechs is. . .here
then. . ."
"They're on to us!" said Treize. He looked worried. Zechs was about to respond when the
guy spoke again.
"Then that means that Zechs. . .is. . .God!"
Someone else stood up then. "Hey yeah! Zechs is God everybody!"
"Wait though. I heard that Zechs went to a mental ward." came another voice.
"Hey yeah, me too."
"I did not! I never went to a mental ward and I'm not God!" yelled Zechs.
Everyone silent for a moment. "Yeah, so anyway, like I was saying, Zechs went to a
mental ward and. . ." The entire room was filled with talk again.
Zechs sighed in frustration. "Treize I--" He started to say. However, when he turned
around, all he faced was air. He looked out the window to his left and saw Treize's plane lift off
the ground. He let out a frustrated sigh and began hitting his head against the podium.
Suddenly they all heard thunder and a loud, booming voice filled the room. "Who dare
call this man, Zechs Marquise, God! For I am the one true God!"
Everyone looked up. "Wait. If you're God, then who's that?" asked a person and pointed
to Zechs, who was still hitting his head against the podium.
"Why that is a mere mortal man!"
The person put his hands on his hips. "How do we know?"
"What do you mean? I am the true God!"
The person rolled his eyes. "What proof do you have?"
"I need no proof, for I am God! I can turn water into blood! With my power the dead may
walk again!"
"Oh come on now. You really expect us to believe that?"
"But. . .but. . .I am!"
The person rolled his eyes."Whatever, talk to the hand!"
"Yeah!" yelled a large group of people.
"You will all burn in hell for your insolence!"
"Sure, whatever."
All was silent then as the voice left. Then another person spoke. "You know that was
probably just some soldier of Treize's."
Another agreed. "Yeah. Treize probably talked to him before the meeting, then when he
was giving his speech, gave a secret signal to a one of the guards, who got word to another
soldier that it was time, and then he came over a loud speaker and acted like God."
Zechs heard this and hit his head harder against the podium.
"Yeah, this meeting was a complete waste of my time. Let's all go home." Everyone
readily agreed and started to file out of the conference room. The last person out yawned. "Bye
God." He said and turned out the lights. Zechs hit his head harder.
THE END!
We are sorry if this offended any of you! This was all in good fun!