The first thing that Buffy thought of when she began to regain consciousness was pain. She hurt in places she never even knew existed. Every cell of her being ached in excruciating ways and she quickly wished she were still unconscious. She heard a moaning noise and tried to open her eyes to find the source. She soon felt the light touch of someone gently wiping the blood off of her face, but realized the moan was hers.
"Shh. There, there love. It's okay. I'm here. I won't let anyone hurt you Buffy," a tender voice whispered to her. She soon felt more at ease by this comforting gesture, and by the fact that this same voice had calmed her from many nightmares before.
"Spike…" she moaned. She soon felt her upper torso lift from the ground carefully and slowly lowered onto something softer. His caresses continued at the same loving pace they always had and she began to relax below his ministrations.
"God, Buffy. You've been out for hours," he whispered, voice full of relief. "Longest hours of my life. I'm so thankful you're alright. You certainly had me scared out of my head for a while there." Painfully, she opened her eyes and focused on the battered man above her. Even with her blurred vision, she could see the small tears trickling down his face one by one. "I can't lose you again, love. Never. You understand that? Never leave me." She tried to shift her head on his lap, but soon found herself crying out in pain. "Don't move, pet. You're hurt worse than I've ever seen. There's surely broken bones and bleedin' inside your poor body. Try to stay as still as you can. I'll do my best to keep you comfortable."
Buffy again focused on his face. His left eye was swollen shut completely, his mouth was ripped on the side, and his beautiful face was now covered in black and purple. "Wha…"she coughed up a small amount of blood before trying again, "What happened?"
"I dunno love. They dragged you in here, practically torn apart, and dropped you at my feet. I never saw who hurt you but believe me when I do I'll…"
"No," she coughed once more, "you."
"Me? What happened to me?" He snorted, "In all that pain, you're worried about me? I'm touched, Buffy."
"If I could roll my eyes right now I would," she managed to spit out.
Spike chuckled. "Good to see they didn't beat the smart ass outta ya." He began stroking her untamed hair and sighed. "Seems that not everyone is happy about my soul. They tried to beat it out of me, among other things."
"They?" she asked hoarsely.
"Yeah, did I forget to mention? Seems my ex is in town," he scoffed. "Dru never could resist a party. Something about tea and death that makes her giddy."
Buffy groaned. "Dru's here too? What's next, Angelus?"
Spike coughed nervously. "Well, seems the First likes to play in his form now too, seein' as how I'm not so much intimidated by myself anymore."
Buffy reached up to touch his face with her unbroken arm and he drew back. Slowly she reached further and began to caress his beaten face softly. "What else did she do Spike? She was obviously mad about something."
Spike hesitated. She really didn't need to know the gruesome details of the torture, but he knew he had to explain what had happened. Inhaling an unnecessary breathe, he began. "When beating me didn't work, Drusilla tried de-souling me the old fashioned way. Only I didn't much appreciate it, or want it."
Buffy's face became distorted with the reality of what he just said. "You mean she…"
"Raped me. Yeah love. Can't say it could've happened to a better guy," he turned away from her gaze. "When I think that I could have done that to you, I…" he sniffled as fresh tears began to fall. He turned to face her once more. "God Buffy, can you ever forgive me? I never wanted to hurt you. I love you more than anything I've ever known. I just went completely wonky because my mind had been played with so soddin' much. I didn't even realize what I was doing at the time." He tried to pull himself back together as he looked at her broken face. "That night, when I made it back to my crypt, I couldn't understand why I had done it, and why I couldn't go through with it. I'm a monster, Buffy. I've done worse to girls and enjoyed it all the while. I couldn't understand why I hadn't, but most of all why I felt bad about it. It was because of what you had done to me. You made me a better man. You made me hate the demon I had become and want to be someone that would be worthy of your love. That's why I had to do it, Buffy. I had to get my soul. It was the only way I could be sure I would never hurt you again. The only way I could be worthy of you. The only way…" he broke off.
Buffy looked up at him in understanding. "And you did Spike. You went out and fought your demon, and you succeeded."
"Yeah," he said as he clenched his jaw to try and stop the tears. "and now you believe in me. You know the whole time Dru was havin' her way with me and then when I was being beaten to a bloody pulp, the only thing that got me through it was the thought that you believe in me?"
Buffy inhaled sharply, "Spike?" she asked in fright. "Did it work? Did you…"
"Shame on you, Buffy. Of course it didn't. This isn't some curse like my bloody poofta of a grand-sire! This is the real deal. Angel didn't want his! I sought mine out! I fought for it with my life and now it's mine to keep." He exclaimed before he gently whispered. "Not a curse. A gift."
"For me?" she whispered.
"For both of us," he answered. "You deserve a good man and I couldn't live with the creature I had become. We both win."
Buffy sighed in relief at the news. The last thing she needed at the moment was an unsouled Spike. Touched by Spike's honesty and emotion and lost in the depths of his cerulean orbs, she found herself feeling something she hadn't before, but she was too tired to think about what it could mean. Her body was singing in pain from the thrashing she had withstood and now she needed peace. Her lids soon became heavy and she found herself drifting into sleep. She searched for his hand and clasped it tight once it found her own. "Don't leave me," she whispered as she drifted into sleep.
"Never," the man above her whispered as he looked down on her with eyes so full of love.