Title: So Much at Stake
Author: spike_me_1
Email: spike-me_1@yahoo.com
URL:
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All hail Joss Whedon.
Rating: R
Spoilers: Everything up to "Never Leave Me"
Dedication: To Sandy, for always encouraging me and believing that I have a tale worth telling.
Summary: Season Seven… Spike Me style.
Chapter 9
"Angel!" Buffy gasped as she stared at the handsome man before her. "And… and other people I don't know," she added meekly.
"Oh! Yeah, I almost forgot," Angel laughed in his usual manner. "Gunn. Fred. Lorne. You know Wes."
"Wesley. Nice to see you again," she replied.
"You're looking well Buffy. Is Mr. Giles around? I fear we have a great deal of business to discuss," asked Wes.
"He's in the kitchen I believe. Just like you. All work and no play," Buffy smiled kindly at the man.
"I'd say he's been playin a lot," Faith added as she approached the door.
"Faith," Wes nodded as he brushed past the two women.
"Buffy there is someone else I'd like you to meet," Angel added as he pulled a young man forward by the collar of his shirt.
Buffy smiled at the attractive young man before her. "You brought a date for the potentials?" she laughed. A wolf call was heard in the background and fits of giggles followed.
"Buffy. This is Connor…. my son," Angel stated, obviously afraid of the reaction.
"You're, huh?" she asked, completely dumbfounded.
"I'm his demon spawn," Connor spoke in his usual smart-alecky manner. "Trust me, I hate it as much as you do." Buffy stared at the mature young man before her with mouth opened wide. No one spoke for what seemed like a lifetime. "I'm hungry. Where's the kitchen?" Connor asked as he pushed past the slayers. A gaggle of girls were more than willing to assist him in his search.
"Oh! I'm sorry. You all have been just standing out there!" Buffy exclaimed, her senses slowly returning. "Come in! Come in!"
"Thank you," came a small reply from Fred and Gunn replied with a smile.
"Pleasure to meet you," smiled the green demon named Lorne. "I've just been itching to get to meet the famous Buffy Summers! Why Angel and Cordy have told me so much about you that I feel like I know you already!" he beamed. "You're a lot shorter than I had imagined." Angel cleared his throat. "Ah. That's my cue to go in the kitchen and get myself a glass of Kool-Aid," he said as he left the doorway.
"Uh, Buffy can I talk to you for a moment alone?" Angel asked. Buffy shook her head and then looked around for a suitable spot. "Maybe you could just come outside with me," Angel added, noting the lack of privacy in the insane asylum that had become the Summers' home.
"Yeah. Sure. Just let me grab my coat," she replied and began to search frantically. She turned around to see Faith and Dawn standing side by side behind her. Faith held out the black leather coat firmly. Both girls had a look of concern on their faces. Buffy accepted the coat and began to put it on. As she turned to open the door once more she felt a hand on her shoulder. Faith stared at her with a look of understanding and support.
"We can take him if you need us," Dawn said. "I've been wanting to kick his hair-gelled rear for years now. You won't have to ask me twice." Faith nodded her head in agreement.
Buffy smiled at the two, genuinely moved by their gestures. "I can handle this, guys. But thanks." And with that she walked out into the night to talk to her lost love.
There he stood, strong silhouette in the blue light. Broad shoulders and height shadowed the landscape before her. He always had seemed larger than life.
"This is not going to be easy to explain, Buffy. Hell, I don't even understand it and I lived through it. But just let me get it all out on the table," he began.
"Okay, Angel. I'll listen," she responded and he recounted his tale for the woman he loved.
*****
"Hurry it up Dead Boy! The ice cream is melting!" Xander yelled as Spike fell behind to light a cigarette.
"Don't get your knickers in a twist Harris. We'll get there when we bloody well get there!" he replied.
"I never thought I'd see the day when I carried home ladies' unmentionables for people I hardly knew," Xander deliberated.
"Yeah," added Spike, "Imagine what they'll be like when they all have it at once."
"Maybe we'll luck out and the First will have killed us by then," Xander joked as Spike pulled up beside him. They both chuckled.
The crickets were performing their celebrated melody in the empty night air as the two former enemies made their way home. Spike puffed contently on his cigarette as Xander did his best to avoid the smoke that was curling in his direction.
"Those things won't kill you, man, but they aren't good for me," Xander coughed.
"Two birds with one stone," Spike smirked.
"Thanks a lot," Xander snapped.
"Oh, boo-hoo ya big baby," Spike cried as he snuffed out the cigarette under his heel. "Happy now?"
"Yes, thank you." Xander smiled triumphantly.
"Never thought I'd be around to see the day I was trying to please the whelp," Spike mumbled.
"This isn't a picnic for me either," Xander responded. "You think I like being around you? Knowing what you did with Anya and Buffy? Knowing that you were going to rape her!"
"Just a damn second there, Harris! I told you before and so did Buffy that the situation was out of control and that I wasn't in my right mind. Never would I even dream of hurting Buffy…"
"True," Xander scoffed, "You only tried to kill her and the rest of us for five years. Now you just dream of getting in her pants."
"Oh! That's it then huh? Little Xander's jealous? Angry cause a walking corpse did both of his hunnies? Mad cause he could never get the girl!"
"You'll never know how I feel for Buffy!" Xander shouted. Spike quieted down as the boy turned red.
"I believe I do," Spike said softly. "I know what it's like to love a person, with all of your heart and have her be out of your reach. To want to hold her, and touch her, but know that you'll never be worthy. Know what it is hurt like the dog you really are because you'll never be good enough for a goddess."
Xander walked silently for a moment then added, "I don't love her ya know. Buffy. Haven't loved her like that for years now. I'm not going to lie; I did, for a long time. Sometimes my feelings for her were all that got me through."
"Yeah," Spike sighed.
"Only, now… I love her even more, but my love for her is purer. She's my strength and she's a part of who I am. She's my sister… just like Willow and Dawn. When I look at her, I see someone who I want to protect and love, not some hot chick. Not like I used to…" Spike shook his head to agree. "She's no Anya."
"That she isn't mate. Demon Girl's one in a million," Spike concurred.
"She really is…" Xander trailed off in thought. "Do you have any idea how much it hurts to love someone that much? To know that you'd die for them or do the worst thing imaginable just to be near them?"
Spike gave Xander a raised eyebrow. "Think I can picture something like that, yeah."
Xander smiled. For the first time in six years Xander smiled at the vampire before him. "What you did… for Buffy. That took guts, man. That was suicide."
"You have no idea," Spike sighed.
"If you tell any one that I said this I'll deny it completely, but I admire you. That kind of commitment and devotion; something like that says a lot." Spike smiled knowingly at the man beside him. "Still doesn't mean I like you, dude. And your hair is still the worse thing I've ever seen."
Spike scoffed at the young man. After a moment he replied. "Thanks, Harris."
"Sure thing. Us manly men have to stick together in a house full of estrogen, right?"
"Ain't that the truth?" Spike laughed.
"We may need to recruit some more fighters that pee standing up if I want to keep my sanity."
Spike stopped dead in his tracks. "Looks like we won't have to look very far. I smell a knight in shining armor. Or maybe that's just his hair gel."
"Huh?" Xander asked. Spike motioned his head in the direction of Buffy's house. Sure enough, there sat Angel. He and Buffy appeared to be in a very hot discussion. Xander turned and looked at Spike. He could see the hurt and betrayal on the man's face and his heart, for reasons unknown to him, went out to the blonde. "Let's go the back way."
"Fine," Spike replied, voice full of defeat.
"That way we can sneak up behind them and hide in the bushes," Xander whispered. Spike's eyes lit up as he stared at the man in confusion. "Hey, if there is one thing the two of us have always agreed on it's a strong dislike for Loverboy over there."
"Lead the way, mate," Spike smiled as the two crept stealthily over the high grass next door.
********
Angel was worried. He had finished his story a good two minutes ago and Buffy hadn't made a peep. She just sat on the porch step beside him and stared into the abyss. The silence was torturing him! Yelling and fists flying at his nose… that he could handle. He had never seen Buffy so calm and mature.
"Cookie dough ice cream," she stated suddenly.
"Come again?" he asked in confusion.
"I have had a craving for cookie dough ice cream all day. I should have asked Xander or Spike to pick some up for me."
Angel cringed at the name of his grandchilde. Even after Buffy's explanation of his current state, he still didn't like Spike. Plus, he had to admit he was a little ticked off at the thought that now everyone was getting a soul. Why couldn't they have mimicked his keen fashion sense? What angered Angel the most was that no matter what she said; Buffy's voice betrayed her. She had feelings for Spike.
"Where is my ungrateful and oh-so-annoying grandchilde anyway?" he questioned.
"I dunno. They should be back really soon," she trailed off in thought. "He's very handsome. Looks just like you."
"You do know we aren't blood related, right? Besides I'm much better looking."
"Not Spike. Connor."
"He's got a lot of his mother in him too," Angel smiled and then soon regretted his words. "I mean, he's a real smart ass like she was. And he has a bit of an evil streak to him."
"Now, THAT I thought would come from his father," Buffy laughed. Angel laughed in return, but Buffy's face changed instantly. "How could you?" she asked quietly.
"Buffy I.." he started but was abruptly cut off.
"How could you Angel! You left! You left because we couldn't be together. We couldn't love each other the way we wanted to. And then you go and have sex with Darla! What the hell is that?"
"Oh, like you boinking Spike is so much better. Do you have any idea where he's been Buffy? Did it ever occur to you that he was a monster?"
"Spike
loves me!"
"Spike loves himself!" Angel
yelled. "He just wants what he can't have. It wasn't you Buffy it was the
challenge. You were a prize that he was
just itching to get. And I bet you
scratched him real good!"
Buffy slapped Angel with all of her strength. "Don't for one second think you know Spike. You don't have a clue as to the man he is."
"He's a monster Buffy! Just like me! A soul doesn't make things better, you know that."
"No Angel, you're wrong. Spike was already better. He loved me even when he was a demon. You tried to kill me. It's true that he did too, but in time he changed. When your demon was in charge, all you wanted to do was torture and kill me. Angelus would have never loved me. Spike did. So does William. He went out and fought for his soul. You had the luck of being cursed with one." The two fell silent once more.
"Do you love him?" Angel asked softly.
"I don't know, Angel. I don't know anything anymore."
"But you don't love me anymore?"
"I will always love you Angel. The girl I was at 16 will always belong to you. But I have changed Angel. We've both changed. I've grown up and I'm okay with that," she smiled. "Maybe some other time or place you and I are together. Maybe there is an alternate universe where you're not a vampire and I'm not a slayer and we can be together with dozens of little children and a white picket fence. Right now I have to settle for a house full of chosen teenagers and hand-carved stakes." Angel's smile spread at her strength and beauty. "So you'll have to settle for friendship. That's all I can offer you."
"Ever?" he asked hopefully as the two of them stood.
"You chose your path, Angel, and I've taken mine. They forked from each other four years ago when you walked away."
"I understand," he whispered knowingly.
"I will always love you, Angel. You are a part of my heart," she smiled. "A part that will never fade. It's just that there's a whole lot of my heart left to be filled by someone else."
Angel leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. In the bushes Spike clenched his jaw tightly and did his best not to run out there and punch the brunette. Buffy backed away slowly, a bittersweet smile lighting her face. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the vampire in a loving embrace.
"I truly am glad you came. We really need you right now," she sighed into his leather jacket as he stroked her hair.
"Uh, uh, uhmm," made the two former lovers jump as Xander cleared his throat and moved toward the steps. Spike followed. "Well, if it isn't the Evil Dead!" he smiled at Angel.
"Hey Xander. Hello Spike." Angel acknowledged uncomfortably.
Spike kept his eyes to the ground as he and Xander stopped before the couple. "Nice of you to drop by," Xander continued, trying his best to draw attention away from the fact that they had approached from the side of the house, "what with the immensely threatening evil and all encompassing apocalypse ahead."
"I do what I can," Angel replied.
Spike avoided eye contact with Angel and walked over to Buffy. "Here," he said meekly as he handed her a carton of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. She smiled brilliantly at him. "Thought you were getting stressed. Know it's your favorite," he said as he scrambled into the house.
For once Angel was justified in his brooding.
*** TBC tomorrow ***