~*~ Monica's Diary ~*~  Part II

Disclaimer: Duh! Of course I don't own them! Would I be writing this if I owned them?? Um…no…Plus…I think I have a few lines in here from Friends and a couple from Will & Grace…but only the avid fans would get it…

Author's Note: Do you guys read these? Cause I told you that the other characters (all of them) would be coming soon!! And ya asked anyways…Hrmmm….Ya peeps are strange…but tiz okay!! Love ya anyway! Special love out to Ez (my wifey) and Jenni (cause she's cool like that!)!! CIAO!!! Next part up after I get some more reviews….like a total of 25-ish…

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June 4th, 12:00 (noon)

So…You're probably wondering what happened, huh? Let me give you a little bit of an idea…

I'm in the hospital.

I have fractured ribs, a broken nose, a sprained wrist and a broken ankle.  But, yeah, I'm doing better than I would have.  If Matt hadn't come in at the time he did, I would have been dead.

Dead.  As in…Gone.  Forever.  Like, bye-bye for good.  Get it yet?

I'm so mad at Greg I could just kill him.  I mean, I probably would, but I kinda can't get up, so that complicates things a bit.  They're bringing me lunch in about a half hour.  I'll explain what happened a little later, when I've regained my composure, and my sides don't hurt as much.

12:15 PM

 I'm ready for my Jell-O, now!

12:40 PM

Oh come on! Food please! I'm starving! And I wanna press charges on my ex-husband (finally he's my ex and I can call him whatever foul names I want and get away with it hahahahaha)! So…Rub a dub dub.  Bring on the frickin grub.

Sorry about that.  It won't happen again.  I'm just a little shaken up from the recent events.  I told you, I'll explain later! Shh!

Wow, I'm crazier than I thought.

1:00 PM

So you see kids, this is why you don't do drugs, or stay up all night, or let doctors give you mood elevators with tranquilizers.  Baaaaaaaad mix.  Wow I'm exhausted.  So…I'm gonna go take a nap before my (frickin) lunch gets here.

*(Author's Note: This ^ was written at 3am so forgive my ramblings, I thought I'd leave it in for giggles)*

3:00 PM

Allright.  I didn't know what I was writing about up there, but it's nonsense.  Don't pay any attention to it.  I was so tired…From all the damn drugs.  And I kinda still am.  Grr, why am I always hungry? Oh allright…So I'm a little *whoo* but still…

Okay, back to reality…I'm sorry I was just up all night and I was really hyper…I can't believe that…

That was the work of a lunatic, who's bordering on insanity…I hate Greg.  He needs to die.  Seriously, I'm so tired…Maybe I should talk about this later, the drugs aren't helping my concentration to write. I'll write later, when I'm de-foggy (wow, that's not even a word)

June 6th, 10:00 AM

The nurses said that I could come home from the hospital now.  You know what's weird?

Cee didn't even ask me what happened.

Neither did Matt.

Don't they care?

Even if I didn't tell them what happened, they could at least have asked or something.  That hurts.  Well, not just that, the pains in my sides hurt, too.  But seriously…What's that about? They haven't really talked to me about it or anything.  Not even C, who is my best friend…It's odd.  And that pisses me off.  I don't want them to treat me like some "special" person, just because I have issues with Greg (who, by the way, I hate), doesn't make me any different.  I am just as vulnerable as I was before.  And it hurts.  A lot.  I'm just gonna go home and be glad I'm back.  I'll worry about this later, trust me.  As soon as I'm alone again…Boom.  Everything negative comes flyin' into my head.  Stuff I don't even want to begin to think about.  I'll write again when I'm at home tonight. 

7:30 PM

C went out on a date with Brad, and she left Matt with me.  Doesn't she remember what I think about guys? 

Has her brain gone numb?  I mean, come on.  You'd think that she would've cancelled or something.  Grr, I don't want to let this get to me. 

Matt's reading a magazine.  He doesn't know it, but I'm watching him. 

Whoa…I'll bet Greg did that to me.  I don't wanna scare him…

But…

I can't stop looking at him.  I think he knows I'm looking now.  But I'm writing, too.  Ha, whenever he looks up at me I look down and pretend I'm writing…I'm having fun toying with him. 

Maybe the night won't be so bad.

9:30 PM


I'm actually hoping that C doesn't come home soon…

Oh my God…Did I just think that?  What's goin' on with me? Have I gone crazy? Is this what insanity is?

It's pretty fun, if this is what it's like to be insane, no wonder people don't care about padded walls.

Okay, now I'm rambling again.  Ooh, where'd Matt go? I just looked up and he was gone…Um…

Helloooo?

11:00 PM

Nope.  I definitely went insane.  There isn't a chance in the world that that night was allright.  It might've been at first, but now…

Nuh-uh, cheeka.

So, you're wondering where he went? Well, I'll tell you.

He was behind me.

I know, you're thinking, oh that's not that bad… But you don't know what he was up to. 

Not only was he reading my diary (which he apologized for, and I'm okay cause it didn't have anything about what I think of him visible from what he read in it) but he snuck up behind me to tap me on my shoulder.

Is he stupid or what?

I positively flipped.  I freaked out.  Had a heart attack.  However you want to say it…

I jumped up from my chair, flinging my diary and a couple magazines across the room.  I had this terrified but demonic look on my face (I could tell by how my ear got all hot, I'll explain later) and I think I called him "Greg".  I screamed at him to get out and fell over on the couch crying.  All these years, with all this built up anger and sadness just kind of exploding all at once, so Matt didn't get the reaction he was looking for.   He came over and tried to put his hand on my back but I whipped around and promptly hit him in the face.  Not too hard, but enough to get him to back off, and I yelled at him not to touch me and leave me alone.  I was so scared, and so mad, and everything was kind of coming at once, and he immediately turned around and walked into Cee's bedroom and shut the door, half-glancing at me when he went in.  I think I hurt him badly.  I hope it doesn't leave a mark.  Like Greg's do… Oh no.

I'm turning into my ex-husband.

11:25 PM

But Matt, he scared the living bejeezus out of me.  And now, I'm finally calm enough to read what I'm writing and not get tears all over my diary.  All I have to say is, it was the only time I've been scared by someone other than Greg, so, ya know…

Memories.

But not just from way back when.  From recently.  I think I'm ready to tell you what happened, but sorry if I don't finish it, it's choking me up just thinking about it, let alone writing it…So, bear with me, allright?

Yeah, I knew you'd agree.  You diaries are all alike.

So, basically this all started about a week, well, actually exactly a week, ago.  You know that cause I was writing when I saw him in my window.  That was definitely the most scared I've been in a long time. Since the first time Greg…did stuff to me. Anyway, I looked up, and I saw him, and then I realized that he was smiling at me. So at this point I was totally freaked out, and I stood up, my diary falling out of my lap.  I started backing towards the door, but then I remembered that no one was there, so I kinda couldn't really yell for help.  His grin grew wider, and I saw that he had a knife in one hand, and some big round thing in the other.  He threw the thing through the window, and opened it from the inside.  I wanted so badly to run, and I tried to get my legs to move, but I was paralyzed.  Completely helpless.  How did this whole thing happen? How did he know where to find me? How could I have known that he knew where I was? What in the world was he going to do? I was afraid he really was going to kill me.  I think that was his intention.  He ended up grabbing me by the wrists, and the knife cut into one of them.  He kept an insanely tight grip, and the one that had the knife in it (thankfully my right hand, I'm left handed), I was convinced he bent the bone into some odd shape or something.  It was horrible.  He knocked me down on my bed, and actually got some cord out of his back pants pocket.  I think he was going to rape me before he killed me.  He fell on me, knocking the wind out of me. I tried to scream, but my breath just caught in my throat and the only sound that came out was something inaudible, that no one could've heard but him.  But he was to preoccupied with trying to get me to lay still.  But me, I wasn't about to give in.  He ended up hitting me hard in the face, and my nose was bleeding a lot.  That's what got me to stop moving so much.  The tears hadn't stopped coming since I saw his eyes outside my bedroom window, and now they were falling doubly fast because of my now broken nose.  After a brief struggle, he managed to get my arms tied to the bedposts, and got up, shutting and locking the bedroom door.  I was now so far beyond terrified, words couldn't even begin to describe it.  The only thing I remember after that was him attempting to get my legs still by crushing one of my ankles, which, unfortunately, worked.  Then the next thing I knew, I had been gaining my ability to speak again and yelled something, and heard a response outside of my bedroom.  All of a sudden, I saw Matthew break the door down and immediately knock over Greg, hitting him with unimaginable power.  I know, that sounds superhero-ish, but it describes what I saw as far as I can remember.  Seriously, though, I don't think I can be mad at Matt for very long.  I mean, I know he made a mistake, and boy, did he pay for it, but I don't have to shut him out.  I couldn't lose a friend like him.

He saved my life.

In more ways than one.

June 7th, 2:30 AM

I can't sleep.  I don't wanna sleep in my room.  You know why.  But I don't want to sleep in Cee's room, 'cause, well, she was on a date, and it doesn't sound like it's quite over yet…

Yeah, um, they really need to tone it down a little bit.

2:55 AM

Holy crap.  They don't seem to be slowing anytime soon.  Do they think I can't hear them?

Whoa.

He sounds totally worth the occasional improper grammar.  If I had gotten that much "agreement", I'd probably have proposed to him while we were at it!

3:40 AM

Um, yeah, I'm starting to get a little irritated…

Were they planning on sleeping at all?

1:00 PM

Man, I am so tired.  The guys at work knew I was in the hospital and are letting me take the week off, especially considering I'd need a good wrist to do anything at the restaurant.

I wonder if I should blackmail Cee…

I could make a lot of money off of her.

I ended up sleeping on the couch in the living room , which was lumpy and small.  Plus, I don't have the luxury of being able to close the door so that some of the things I heard could've been at least muffled.  It took me an extra hour and a half to get to sleep, even after I threw the pillow at their door.  I don't think they noticed until they opened it the next morning.  You should've seen the looks on their faces.  It was so funny.  I literally fell out of my chair, and my sides hurt a lot.  Well, I do have two fractured ribs, so I'm entitled to be able to hold my sides when I laugh.  They didn't think it was all that funny.  I'm sure Matt will.  I'm gonna have to call him, and apologize, but I'm gonna have to do it in person.

Do you think he'll talk to me?

3:25 PM

Matt's over now.  I just excused myself to my room to write and tell you the awesome news.  He's totally okay with it.  He's not even remotely mad at me.  He did ask me, though, if I knew who the man was.

Durr!

I told him he was someone I knew, but didn't tell him how he was related to me.  He knew I had gotten a divorce, but hadn't asked why, or who with, or anything.  That's what I love about Matthew.  He always knows when I'm uncomfortable, and then stops asking me questions.  He's wonderful, and I'm so glad he can read my signals.  It's just that, now, I think I've warmed up a little to him, I'm just not sure if I'm ready to tell him…anything, just yet.

I will soon enough.

5:40 PM

I'm going to go out to dinner with Cee, Brad, and Matt tonight.  We're going to go to this cute little Italian place down the street.  It looked kinda small from when I saw it a few days ago, but still cute all the same.  I hope Matthew doesn't think we're dating.

Whoa, too much pressure.

I'll see ya later…

10:00 PM

Oh.

My.

God.

Seriously, that was one of the most horrible restaurants I have ever been to.  The waiter carried the breadsticks in his pants, and the marinara sauce tasted like tomato juice.  They should serve it with celery and vodka.  It's disgusting.

Otherwise, it was a wonderful evening.

Especially considering I made an extra twenty dollars to keep me from telling Matt about what happened after he left the other night. 

Blackmail is so much fun.

June 12th, 11:30 AM

Okay, so, the blackmail thing got a little old.  Cee and Brad are now both broke and irritated, and plus, the moment kinda passed anyway.  It's like an old joke that you use at parties to try and get people to notice how "witty and charming" you are.  You know what I mean? So anyway, Matt and I have been spending a lot more time together.  We actually went to lunch together, without C or Brad.

Which is a huge step for me.

I'm really uncomfortable about dating. I haven't actually gone on a date since my sophomore year in college, and, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.

You know, it's been so long since I've had sex (willingly), I'm afraid they may have changed it.

11:45 AM

Whoa, whoa, whoa, shift it back!

I just realized something.

I said that we went on a date.  I said that we were dating.

What's wrong with me?  I'm not ready to date!  Especially with a guy that I have only known as my friend.

I mean, he's gorgeous, but still…

You don't do that…right?

I mean…

There are rules about that.

You don't date your friends.

Especially not…Attractive, witty, smart, devastatingly charming men who happen to waltz into your life…

And I mean that literally.  He was practicing his ballroom dancing in the middle of the city block when I met him.

8:40 PM

So…I went to talk to Matt.  We watched a movie together in the living room.  A chick flick, much to his distaste, but I could tell that he was interested in it when I looked over at him halfway through the film and he had that silly look he gets when he's concentrating on something.  I had to hold my mouth to keep from busting out laughing.  And we seem to read each other's minds.  He doesn't even have to say anything for me to know what he's thinking.  His eyes tell so much.  Those gorgeous blue eyes that make me want to melt into them…


Hold it. 

This wasn't what was supposed to happen.

I wanted to have a friend, someone whom I could confide in.

I never expected to find my soul mate.

June 15th, 7:30 PM

This is it.  I've officially gone IN-SANE. As in, crazy. 

What in the world was I thinking?

Sure, he was cute.  And sure, I like him.

As a friend.

But soul mates?

Nuh-uh, cheeka.

Yup. Been down that road before.  I'm not planning on falling in love again.  I don't think I could handle it.  Before, right after I left him, sure.  But now? After meeting Matthew, the only man in my life that didn't treat me like some sort of sexual relief pit stop.  I don't want to be like this again. I hate risking everything I have.  And I can't base my entire rationalization on things just on pure lust.

That's what I decided it was.

Lust.

He was cute.  I hadn't been with a man, properly, in…

God knows how long.

Greg, if you can hear me…

I hate you.

Oh yeah, and before I forget…

Happy birthday to me…

Happy birthday to me…

Happy birthday dear me…

Happy birthday to me.

I turned 27 today.  Twenty seven.  That's two tens and a seven.  That's nearly thirty.  God, I'm getting old…

June 19th, 6:00 PM

It's been so long since I've slept I don't even remember what day of the week it is.  I've been trying to fight off the nightmares.

The nightmares that have become way too frequent.

And now, they're tearing me apart.

I don't know how he does it.  How is it, that someone you want so desperately to detach from can manage to appear, even in memory, to hover over every move you make, judging you? How is it, that after all this time, he still haunts me? What in God's name did I do to someone in some other lifetime that would make them want to put me through this?

Did I make some mistake when I was younger?

I mean, I've always been an insecure child.  When I was very small…well, not actually small-small.  I was very much overweight when I was a kid.  My parents weren't exactly what you'd call the best, but they occasionally tried.  My elder brother was always in their favor, though.  I hated him most of my childhood for it, though we both knew I didn't really.  My mom would always criticize everything I did, and Dad would just stand there and let her.  That's when I realized…

Nobody's perfect.

I always did seem to linger in my brother's shadow.  He was an honors student, he got wonderful grades, had a great girlfriend when he went off to college.  I was just a girl.  A little immature girl with nothing but hopes and dreams. Courteney and I had had a falling out, somewhat, and I had to deal with some of the pressure alone.  But I wasn't always alone.  I had a friend who helped me out a lot.  Her name was Rachel.  She had always been a rival of mine through high school, but we then took the time to really get to know each other.  We became very good friends.  But then, Rachel had to go away to college, across the country.  We didn't speak much after that.  I still do miss her, though now I have C back.  I lost touch with my brother, too.

*(Author's Note: I know you're confused right now, if you've read the 1st part, but keep reading, it'll make sense later)*

My mother was a whole other issue.  She saw me as that little girl for what seemed an eternity.  That is, up until the year before she died. She realized just how much pain she had caused me, when I let it slip that I was having suicidal thoughts.  I was upset about my standard-level grades, my lack of a love life, or any kind of life for that matter, and the fact that no matter how many diets I tried to put myself on, I couldn't lose weight.

That's when I turned back to C.  She helped me to get over everything.  She helped me lose weight.  She was the first one I called when Mom and Dad died in the car accident.  She hadn't forgotten about me, as I thought she would have.  But merely accepted what happened and was willing to forgive and forget.  That's what I love so much about her.  Her unconditional love.  No matter the circumstances.

Hey, sorry about that revelation.  I don't think I used to talk much about it. 

Where was I going with that?  I'll have to read back…

Oh yeah.

Anyway, I guess, when I went to college, I was desperately in need of a boyfriend, but I hadn't…

You know.

So I was a little nervous.  That's when I found Greg.  I suppose he was like a security blanket.  He protected me from everything that frightened me, which I think is the main reason I accepted his proposal only 11 months after we had started dating.  That's when everything started.  His drunk habits, and…Everything.  I hate talking about it.

But I hate him more.

That's the strongest word I can think of to use.

Hate.

It contains so much emotion.  Built up anger and sadness exploding in one word.

Hate.

The one word I use to describe the only thing I sometimes think there is left to feel towards Greg.

Hate.

The one word I reserve for him, and everything he did to me.

Hate.

Which is why I'm not gonna talk about it anymore.  And that's that. Now…What to do for dinner…

June 21st, 8:00 AM

I still haven't slept.  Why is that? I don't know.

Maybe I'll call Matthew.

8:30 AM

So…he wasn't home.  Probably still out on a date.  Or something. 

Only when I need him.

8:40 AM

I'm not supposed to be angry with him.  How the hell was he supposed to know when I was gonna be upset?  I guess I just need someone to blame for my unhappiness, and Greg isn't really an option anymore.  He would never care that I held him responsible for his own actions.

I'm gonna go for a walk.

10:00 AM

I'm thinking about moving.  There's this adorable apartment over on Bedford St. that I really would like to move into.  It turns out I have a grandmother who lives there.  But she's being moved to a retirement home, so she wants me to stay there instead. 

The only problem is that I don't know if I can afford it.

June 25th, 9:00 PM

Isn't that just luck??

I got promoted today!! I am a head chef!! I cannot believe it!! Isn't it freaky that just when I'm looking for a new place I can finally afford it?

Whoa.

Maybe I'll take the place.  It's going to be subletted to someone else if I don't get on with it.  That's it.  I'm just gonna do it.

Apartment 20, here I come.

June 30th, 11:00 AM

Oh my god.  This sucks.  You know what it is? It's cause I've been cursed.

I got the apartment, no doubts about that.  And I'm going to be moving in soon…

It's just that…

Matthew has to move.  Cross country.

Do you know what happened the last time I knew someone who moved across the country?

Yeah, that was Rachel Green.  We never speak anymore.

I don't know if I can handle that.  I don't want to lose him.  But…

He's going to go.

I don't want him to go! I don't want to lose the only man that I want in my life.  He promised he'd write me, but I know he won't.  He won't have time.

I'm really going to miss him.

July 4th, 10:00 PM

Matthew left.  Today.  On the frickin Fourth of July.  What's up with that?  God, I miss him already.  Why did he have to go?

We had a grill out at Brad's parents' house.  They're really nice people, but I'm starting to get the feeling that it isn't working out between Brad and Cee.  She doesn't look like she cares for him like she used to.  They might break up.  But I don't want to jinx anything so I won't talk to her about it.  I wonder what Matt's doing right now?  He's probably still on a plane, or in the airport.

I miss him a lot.  Already.

This is gonna be tough to get over.

July 12th, 12:00 (noon)

I move in today.  I don't think I've been more excited in my life.  Ooh this is so great!

Well, Cee's taking me out to lunch today.  So…Talk to ya later.

3:00 PM

Man, there are some fine lookin' guys in this part of town.  I saw this guy outside by the street, and I was gonna talk to him, but he seemed to be flocked with women.  He had the nicest arms.  And a cute lopsided smile.  Cee and I just stood there and stared at him for about five minutes before he noticed us and we hurried into this bar that was below my apartment complex.  There were a bunch of people in there, flocked around a sign by one of the windows.  I went over to read it, and it said that they were turning this place into something else.  If I remember correctly, it's going to be a coffeehouse.  I'd like that.  Kinda like Starbucks.  Only closer.

We went back up to my place, and, well, we stood and talked for a while.  My entire place was covered in boxes, and so we didn't have anywhere to sit.  So Cee offered to help me. And now…

I'm in my room, and I just thought I'd write you.  Ooh hey, Cee needs me.  See ya soon.

8:00 PM

I'm actually mostly unpacked.  Cee and I worked for five straight hours, and we have the place pretty well finished.  I never realized how much kitchen stuff I bought.  It filled up all the shelves, and I have a lot of shelf space in the kitchen.  You know what I'm missing, though?

One of those little bottle opener magnets.  Maybe I should buy one someday.

9:00 PM

I'm not the least bit tired.  Laa dee daa.  What to do to get to sleep. 

Counting sheep?

9:15 PM

Nope.  That didn't work.  What else is there to do? Reading? Writing?

Well, I'm writing…

And I'm still not tired…

Okay, my wrist is starting to hurt, so I'm gonna go stare at the ceiling.

'Night.

July 20th, 2:00 PM

Hey, this is cool.  They've started on the coffeehouse below us.  It's really cool.  And it's got the cutest name.

Central Perk.

Isn't that adorable?

I wish Matt was here…He would have gotten a kick out of it.  And he probably would've cracked, like, seventeen jokes already about it within 3 minutes.

I miss him.

July 21st, 6:00 PM

You know what I found out?

Greg isn't in jail or anything.  I didn't think about pressing charges…

I just let him get away with everything he did.  Why do I do that? He shouldn't be allowed to treat me this way.   Yeah, I'm gonna repeat myself for, like, the billionth time.  I hate him.

A lot.

You know what else I found out?

Cee just broke up with Brad.  She told me what a nice guy he was about it.  He wasn't having much fun anymore, either.  Which worked out okay for them.  She is a little bummed, though.  I don't blame her.  He was a great guy.

July 25th, 11:00 AM

Oh my god! I just got off the phone with my brother, Ross.  He's getting an apartment with his wife, Carol, in the city.  I'm really excited because now we can catch up on all the years we missed. 

Yeah, I realized in the beginning of my diary, I mentioned that I was an only child.  That's really how I thought I was, for a long time.  But after hearing his voice, I don't care that he stopped speaking to me for so long.  Now I just can't wait to get it back.  To be close to him again.  I know, I'm really confusing, but that's just the way things are in my life.

Confusing.

Well, on a lighter note, if you look at it the right way…

There are some pretty funny homeless people on the street.  Dancers.  Actors.  People who do weird stuff. 

Even people who don't look older than me.  Like the man I met over on 5th and Broadway, tap dancing for change.  Or this hippie girl outside of St. Mark's Comics who sang folk music about rats.  Or was it cats?

July 27th, 9:00 PM

So, I went to visit Cee in her apartment.  It was the first time I had been over there since I moved everything out.  I was going to ask her as soon as I got there if she had attached bars to her windows, when I found out the answer without inquiring. I stepped in.

Broken glass.

A trashed apartment.

And Courteney.

On the floor.

Bleeding and unconscious.

~~~

And that's part two!! Ya gotta review or the next part won't come!! But don't worry…I trust you to review!! But be nice!! ~*Monnie Bee*~