Monica's Diary ~*~Part III~*~
By Monica Bing
Disclaimer: Blah blah blah…don't own them…Blah blah blah…But of course…I own the characters that aren't on Friends…duh…
Author's Note: Look, I know you're getting impatient with me about my lack of other Friends characters, but they will, and I repeat, they will be in the next chapter. I promise! This chapter kind of drags on, so if you just want to skip to the ending (which I don't recommend) you can…Ciao for now, brown cow…
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July 28th, 4:00 AM
As my good friend Elvis Presley would say,
I'm all shook up.
I don't think I have completely recovered from the shock, when I found her. I nearly fainted, and stumbled on my way to the phone. I called 911 immediately, and though I knew I had done everything I could, I still felt there was something I had forgotten to do. What was it? I still haven't figured it out.
I ran over to her, gathering her in my arms gently, trying to wake her. She wouldn't even stir.
The paramedics arrived minutes after I had called them, and C was whisked away to a hospital, with myself in the back next to her. She still wouldn't come 'round, and I was numb with fear, nervousness, and overall, anger towards whomever had done this to her.
I assumed it was Greg, considering he was the only person I could think of who would behave this way.
We reached the hospital quickly, though for Cee and I, I was fairly sure the time passed as several eternities. After waiting in the lobby for the longest two hours of my life, a doctor exited one of the rooms and came to address me.
"Monica," he said.
I looked up at him, my face strewn with tears and a look that contained a tiny ray of hope.
"Your friend, Courteney, she has fallen into a coma."
"W-what?" I was unable to register what he said, in my mind. I had feared the worst, and gotten it nearly as badly.
"Courteney Fitzgerald, the woman you took to the hospital. She has fallen into a coma. The doctors are doing everything they can to try and get her back, but we don't know how long it is going to take." He repeated, slowly.
"O-oh…" was all I could say.
"I'm sorry."
Yeah. He's sorry. I feel better!
By the way, I know writing can't really show that, but that was sarcasm.
You know, I don't think it's even worth saying you're sorry if you don't truly mean it.
And I know it was just part of his job. So I sort of scoffed at him, and the moment I saw him pass through the door, I broke down and ran out of the hospital, screaming and crying.
The only person I knew who was able to calm me down, was Cee. And now, she was the one I was upset over. And Matthew's gone.
I have no one.
All alone.
Did…he…know this?
Greg…Did he know that I would be alone? I don't want to be alone in my apartment. I need to stay at a hotel or something. Or go to Ross' house.
That's it. He'll help.
But..
He doesn't know about it.
I can't go to him! Oh what do I do…What, do I do?
I have to face the night alone.
9:00 AM
Nope. I can't sleep. Not at all. I don't think I could have been more tired, but I am so scared to death that death itself might come through my window in the night. Death, of course, being Greg.
I am convinced he did it. But I'm not about to falsely accuse. He knew he could get away with it all along. Since the only witness was Cee, and she couldn't say anything, he could make his escape. He knew I wouldn't 'tattle' on him.
God, I am so alone.
Never in my life have I felt as alone as I feel now…
Maybe I'll just go out and have breakfast…
Alone.
12:00 (noon)
I'm sitting in my apartment.
Alone.
Writing in a diary.
Alone.
Listening to the radio.
Alone.
But I don't even know what I'm listening to. I'm not concentrating on anything, really. I'm not even sure what I'm writing anymore. It's just nonsense. I can't sleep.
I can't eat.
I can't do anything.
I miss Cee so much…And I'm so scared that I'm going to lose the only person I have left.
I'm going to go visit her.
Alone.
4:00 PM
It's hopeless. She's so far beyond gone, I don't even feel like I'm talking to her. I feel like I'm talking to a Barbie doll, or a stuffed animal. I feel like a kid who misses their mommy. I don't like feeling this way, and I want my friend back.
But she's not coming.
I don't want to lose hope. I can't. The only way that I'll ever get any sleep is knowing that tomorrow she might wake up. That tomorrow might be the day that she opens her eyes. The day I look at her and see my friend. My best friend.
The day I find out who did this to her.
The day that that person will wish that they had never even thought about going anywhere near my Courteney.
July 30th, 7:00 PM
I was walking down the street today.
Alone.
And I saw so many people pass me. After what happened to Cee, I don't think I could have been more paranoid.
I carried with me no money, so I couldn't be robbed. I had a knife in my purse and mace in my pocket. I even went out and bought a panic whistle to go on my keyring, even though I don't own a car. I'm scared.
And so alone.
What's happening to me? Why am I so messed up?
I need someone. Anyone. I need comfort, warmth, and protection.
You know what I need?
I need a companion.
I'm going to the pet store…I'll talk to you tomorrow.
July 31st, 8:00 PM
It's been too long.
Since I've smiled. Since I've been happy.
You know what's happening right now? I have a puppy in my lap.
Asleep. He's so cute! I named him Grommit, G for short. Named after one of Matthew's favorite television characters. God, it still hurts just thinking about him. He meant so much to me, and I don't know how I'll ever get over losing him. He's the most wonderful guy I know. I guess…I miss having a man in my life, but I've lost all desire to commit to any kind of relationship. I don't want to get back into that…
He's ruined me. Greg ruined me. He scared me out of ever wanting to be with another man again.
I just want to be able to move on. To get past it. Everything. I'm going to go visit Cee.
Better put G in his kennel. See you soon.
11:00 PM
I want so badly to speak to her. I went into her room just a while ago, and saw her laying there. She wasn't moving at all. I mean, she was breathing, but none of her other muscles did anything. Until about 2 minutes before I left the room. She twitched, and I immediately looked up and saw her sweating and her face looked scared. I could tell without seeing her eyes that she felt threatened by something. I guessed it was her reliving her attack. Probably receiving it from Greg. That bastard. I hate him so much. If I ever find him, he's gonna wish he was never born.
Wait…what am I talking about? I'll never be able to lay a finger on him, he controls me, even after the divorce. He knows if I try to get near him, he'll kill me. I know he will. What kind of a sick twisted person puts the one he vowed to love forever and ever through so much pain, just for his own benefit? I don't even think he ever loved me. I think he saw me as easy bait, and thought he could get away with this.
Well, he was right. I'm helpless. I'm scared, and alone.
Well, not totally alone. G's still here. He's good company, even if I do have to take him outside all the time. But I see the playfulness in his eyes, the look I saw in Matt.
Matthew, my dear sweet Matthew, do you ever think of me? Do you remember my face? I see you every day, when I think of you. But I can't help but feel the pain you put me through when you left. I miss you.
Come back to me.
August 1st, 10:00 PM
I need a shoulder to cry on. What happened to everything that I had in my life? I had two best friends, one of whom I was getting to know about as more than a friend, I had an ex-husband who hadn't come near me, until…that night. And I had, well, still have, a wonderful job, with a wonderful apartment. It just doesn't feel the same when you are missing out on being social. I don't want to go anywhere except to visit Cee, and to get coffee at Central Perk. Those are the two places I go to. I even have my groceries delivered to my apartment, through special request. I don't like public places, but I know I can trust the hospital, and Central Perk is such a homey place. I love the smell of coffee. It warms me from the inside out. But I miss the times when that feeling washed over you just because you woke up. Or because the sun was shining in your window. Or just because you thought about being with the one you love.
Who knew that life never goes like that? I certainly didn't.
Life really is as bad as some people say.
I wish I weren't who I am.
August 9th, 9:00 PM
I go to see Courteney every day now. She's not doing any better, and we've done everything we can to try and reach her, but she never responds. I just sit there and tell her how my day was, and how I felt about everything. I still confided in her as if she were still around, but I know I'm going to have to tell her everything again when she wakes up. I can't stand the way things are. She looks like she's always in pain. And she has nightmares all the time. I can sense it. It's one of those best-friend things. What did Dido say?
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
Sounds about right. I can't. She means more to me than anyone ever did. I'm not about to lose her without putting up every fight that I can manage. She's not going anywhere until I say so. And I'm not going to say so.
August 10th, 10:00 PM
Home is so boring. Grommit always wants to either sleep, eat, play, or go to the bathroom. I guess dogs don't have hobbies.
I sit in Central Perk for hours, just reading the magazines, but I'm not really reading them. I think about everything. How much I've lost in such a short time. But mostly about Matt and Cee. I need them more than anything, and the thought of being without them is terrifying. Matt's already as good as gone, and Cee, well…She kind of can't do anything. But I don't blame her. Not one bit. I think I'll go see her again. I know, I went earlier today, but I need to talk to her about stuff. She's my confidante. I'm not going to act different just because she can't hear me.
12:00 (midnight)
Hospitals are so clean. The people scare me a little. And Cee's room is ice cold, and the chairs are, too. But I sat anyway. I talked to her for about half an hour, about everything. Matt, and how much I miss him. Greg, and how I want to kill him. But mostly about her, and how I'd do anything to be able to hear her voice again. Sadly, I turned to leave. I always left like this. Missing her. Knowing that I'd just be going back to my apartment, to be with my little puppy, and to brood over things that I cannot change. I sighed deeply again, and on my way out of the room, something stopped me. A sound.
"Monica?"
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Well, that's part three, folks…I know I lied about the 25 reviews thing…but that's cause I was getting impatient… heh…allright, just review!
Oh, and love to my dear dear buddies, pals, and fellow whores and alcoholics at the CCAMB
~*Smon*~