Monica's Diary ~* Part V *~
A/N: You know, I'm not exactly sure how much longer this fic is going to be, but I'm assuring you, it's not going to be TOO drawn out ... Well, where we last left our darling little Monica...
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"Matthew?" I stared, wide eyed. He turned around.
"I'm sorry. My name's Chandler." He extended his hand towards me, "It's a pleasure to meet you."
"I-uh…um…hi." I stammered. I felt my ears getting hot, and I shook his hand. He looked almost exactly like Matthew. I swear, the two could've been twins.
I couldn't let this man go.
"So, do you have a name, or something? Or should I just call you…Hey, or what?"
"Oh, sorry. I'm Monica Geller. It seems we're going to be neighbors."
My GOD I hope we'd be at least a little more than that, if anything.
"It seems so."
His hands darted back into his pockets, and she smiled at the ground.
"So, uh, do you - " he started, but Kip came up the stairs before he could finish his sentence. He was carrying several boxes, and one of them looked quite heavy.
"Hey, Chandler, could you give me a hand with this, man?" Chandler rushed over to take the top couple of boxes. His arms were, oddly, quite muscular, over his thin structure. He looked so much like Matthew, it was almost unnerving.
I slipped back into my apartment before anyone else could say anything. I actually went back in so that I could spy on them without looking like I was avoiding something. They were both quite attractive, and I'm pretty glad that they live so close. We could have so much fun.
Phoebe snuck up behind me. And tapped me on the shoulder. It scared me to death.
You wanna know the weird thing? I didn't freak out as much as I did when Matt did it. It makes ya wonder, doesn't it? Whether I might be growing up, or something.
Nah.
September 14th, 3:00 PM
Interesting…Well, not really a surprise, but something else shocked me about it.
You're wondering what the heck I'm talking about, aren't you?
Kip asked me out. Now, I'm telling you, he was sending me signals all over the place, there's no doubt about that, and it wasn't really a shocker. But it was something else that freaked me out a bit.
I said yes.
I never go on dates. This is my very first date since…well, since Greg. God, I even shudder at his name. I hope I never have any more run ins with that bastard. He needs to just go. Get out of my life, and my thoughts, and my dreams, so I'm not scared of him anymore. He's the reason I don't go out at nighttime.
He's the reason that I keep my opinions to myself.
He's the reason that I'm who I am. And I hate myself for ever getting involved with him.
But hey, on a lighter note, which I need right about now…Yeah, allright, it's not much lighter, but it's a start, anyway…
Kip and I are going out tonight, and I'm scared to death for so many reasons. Well, first off, he's a guy I don't know very well, he's my neighbor, I'm not as attracted to him as he is me, but still, and you know, he's the first date I've had since Greg. And on top of that, we're going out at night, alone, together. It frightens me. He has so much control over what happens tonight that I'm not sure if I even want to go through with it. I hope everything's okay. Please, Lady Luck, bring me something. I'm desperate here.
11:00 PM
Okay, okay, so it wasn't too bad. Well, not as horrible as I had thought up. But I did make a fool of myself. I know nothing about who I am. It's funny, when someone asks you personal questions, and you don't even know how to answer them.
Well, not everything was bad. Pheebs and I had so much fun picking out clothes, and she did my hair. Though she did want me to wear this odd looking green thing to dinner, she's not a bad stylist. She just has different taste, I guess. It's a lot more free, and it kind of says, "You think I give a damn what you think?"
I like it.
It was so funny, we couldn't decide which perfume to use, and it got me all smelled up, and the scents kind of mixed together, which was odd, but it actually didn't make a bad combination. It was kind of a melon-y, fruit-y sort of thing. But it worked. Yeah, allright, enough about the perfume. I finally got this cute little blue dress. Both Phoebe and Chandler thought it brought out my eyes.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that Chandler might be gay, or something.
Maybe it's his hair.
Who knows. Well, we went to Ernie's for dinner, which was pretty nice, but he kept asking me all this stuff about myself, and it made me a little uncomfortable. I definitely wasn't ready to let him know why my marriage hadn't worked out, but he asked, anyway. I got so nervous, and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. I must've been so desperate. Do you know how dirty those places get?
Well, we had to leave kind of early, because I felt a little nauseous. I told him that I probably shouldn't be eating lobster, and that he should take me home. I'm so lame sometimes. Phoebe insisted that I go to bed early, though I told her it was just an act so that I could come home. She didn't believe me, because I had tried really hard around Kip to make it look like I was really sick, so she made me some chicken soup. Well, she's a vegetarian, so it was basically just noodle soup. But, there was no chicken in the broth.
She just called it "noodle water". Phoebe cracks me up.
I wonder when I'm going to tell her about Greg and the 'incident'. Well, 'incidents'.
Soon enough.
September 18th, 10:00 AM
I have another date tonight. With Kip, duh. It's our third, already. Geez, I don't think I can take the "third date" pressure. You know how it is. The first date, with all the awkwardness and first impressions; the second, where you actually get to know the person; and the third, supposedly the "sex date". Well, in a normal society, it would be.
Um, he had better not be thinking I'll be doing any of that!
Not for a while, anyways. I don't trust him enough to tell him about Greg, let alone allow him to be the only other man I've ever been with. Yeah, right. He may treat me like other girls initially, but I know where I'm limiting him, and he had better figure it out. I don't know what's gonna happen, though. Pheebs isn't going to be home when our date should be over. God, breathe, woman. Inhale, exhale. That's it.
The night could never be that bad. Plus, I have all day, well, almost all day, to prepare.
Breathe, Monica. Breathe.
5:00 PM
Oh my God. It's two hours until Kip gets here. I'm totally not prepared for this. I've never been so nervous since my wedding day…
Man, that's not a good omen.
Oh, well. I talked to Chandler a couple of times before about it, and he's told me that Kip's an allright guy. I think he knows that I'm afraid. But he's not acting superior to me. I really appreciate that.
God, I'm so nervous. I guess I'll take a walk. I'll write you after the date. Wish me luck!
12:00 (midnight)
I don't think anything can get any worse. Well, allright, it can. But it doesn't seem like it. Okay, recap. Up to before the date, around when I left the apartment at 5, which is the last time I wrote, here's your update.
After I left, I headed down to the mailroom, and of course, it's junk, bill, ick. Whatever those awful people send me to deprive me of the joy that we all like to call money. Horrid. Anyway, I was on my way back up, when I passed by apartment 19. Chandler and Kip's place. I heard someone yell, and of course, I wanted to know what was going on.
Okay, curiosity may have killed the cat, but it never killed me before, so I figured, what the heck? I pressed my ear up against the door. I heard them both arguing.
"Chandler, what are you talking about?" Kip's voice probably could have been heard clearly if I was in my own apartment. Chandler spoke more softly.
"Kip, be quiet! We're not out in the middle of nowhere!"
"I'll yell if I want to! Now, why would you say that to me? Do you think I'm some sort of prick?"
"I never said that!"
"Yeah, well you were thinking it."
"All I said was for you to be patient with her. She's obviously been through something in her past that's shaken her up a bit."
"How would you know that? Did she tell you?"
"No."
"You can't live off of assumptions, Chandler."
"It's not just an assumption. I can just sense it. I see it in her eyes. You know, eyes, Kip. Those two gorgeous blue things she has about eight inches above where you were staring."
"Shut up!"
"Well, I can tell. Can't you?"
"I don't know. Maybe."
"Maybe? Gee, Kip, you can't just live off of maybe's."
"Oh, get out."
"What?"
"I said get out! I'm not gonna sit here and let you lecture me on what I can and cannot do when I'm dating someone."
"Kip, this is my apartment. If you want someone to leave, it's gonna be you."
"Fine!"
I backed away from the door as quickly as I could, darting back into my apartment when I heard footsteps. I heard the door open a moment later, and stomps down the stairs. It was only after a minute after I was sure the noise had dimmed, that I dared to open my door. Chandler's door was still opened, and I could see him in the reflection of the television. He had his head in his hands, and he looked really upset. I wanted to go over and console him, but I hesitated. What if he found out I had been eavesdropping. And not only that, but I had been eavesdropping while they were talking about me. Talk about ouch. I decided to risk it, and left to cross the hall. I don't think he heard me come in. He sounded almost as if he were crying, but I doubted it. I approached him, sitting in his barcalounger. I put my hands on his shoulders, and he looked up quickly at me. His expression softened when he saw me. He has always had an odd sort of calm and serene-ness about him.
"Shh. Just relax." I whispered. He let his hands fall, and he slumped back against his chair. I continued to rub his shoulders for a while, just letting him nearly fall asleep. We've always had a wonderful connection, without words even. I didn't get that with guys. Well, I got that with Matthew, but it was never like this. We have only known each other for a little over a week, and I feel like I've known him for years. It made me feel good to know that I can still have that with someone, after what I went through with "The Bastard". I've decided to call him that. TB. So if I mention that, you'll know what I'm talking about. Moving right along.
I didn't know it, but Phoebe told me a while later that she had been standing at the doorway, watching us. She said she wouldn't be surprised if we were already secretly married in Tibet. Of course, it made no sense, but I got what she was implying. We are pretty compatible. But I don't want to risk screwing anything up. I've worked so hard to get this far after my marriage, something like this could make it all tumble downhill, and I can't pick up the pieces so many times, before I lose one. Well, before you get too relieved, there is still a date to go through.
Kip "picked me up" right on time, as he only lived right across the hall, and we went out to the movies. I don't even remember what we saw, I was so nervous. He put his arm around me about twenty minutes into the film, and his hand drifted lower and lower during the entire movie, until it was practically on my breast. I was afraid to move, for fear that I might upset him or something. It was oddly unsettling. I just wanted it all to end so that I could go home. Even if I was alone. But nooo… Kip had to invite himself in, to sit and watch the news. What is the harm in going to your own apartment? It's 20 feet away, for cryin' out loud! But, I gave him something to drink, and we sat and chatted. For a while. I got the eerie feeling that he was drifting towards me, and I tried to scoot backwards, but I managed to reach the edge of the sofa. I tried not to think anything of it, until I felt his hand on my thigh. I looked down at it, and then back up at him, and he was smiling.
I, on the other hand, was not.
He looked very comfortable.
I was so not.
He leaned in and kissed me on the lips. It was quick, and I hoped that that was all he was going to do, but when I noticed he only pulled away for a moment, only to lean back in again, I moved.
He had hit my boundary. I wasn't even prepared for one kiss, and that's as far as I've gotten with anyone else, besides TB.
"I think you should go." I said, avoiding his eyes, and moving his hand off of my thigh, shifting my weight on the couch.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because I'd like you to leave."
"Aww, what's the rush?"
I didn't have a rush. I just wanted him out of my apartment as quickly as I could. This was to end now.
"I really think you should go."
He put his hands on my thighs again, and started gliding up and down the inside of them.
"Come on, it'll be fun."
Not unless nightmares are fun.
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Okie dokie! You know the drill ... Mwah! I love you all for being so patient with me!