Monica's Diary ~* Part VI *~
A/N: This is the sixth part of my (now finished) nine part series! I'm sorry for taking so long to get up this chapter, but since I'm finished writing, it won't take me long to get the rest up! : ) Urmmm...right! The fic! Have fun with this one...
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"Come on, it'll be fun."
Not unless nightmares are fun.
"Just go, Kip. Go."
"You know you want to." He whispered, coming closer to me.
His face was inches from mine. I could feel his breath on my face. It smelled like popcorn. Didn't he have any mints?
I wanted to tell him so, but I was too frightened. Instead, I looked intently down at my hands.
"No, I don't. Please, just leave."
"But, I love you."
I knew that the moment those words reached my ears, they meant nothing. It was a con to get me into bed.
I wasn't falling for that one.
"No, you don't. Kip, stop, I don't want anything to do with you anymore. Go. Get out."
My voice was shaking. He sensed my fears, and used this to his advantage, taking my wrists into his hands.
"I'm not going anywhere." He said, just as firmly as he held me.
I felt tears pricking at my eyes, and, not much later, falling down my cheeks. I was so ashamed. How did I manage to be with this guy? Why? Why, after all of my recovery, have I ended up back where I was?
"P-please, Kip. Let me go." I sobbed, trying to move. Nothing.
"Not until I've had my fun." He chuckled. I tried to yell for help, but all that came out was a strangled cry, and it was as quiet as a whisper.
"N-no, please…"
I hated begging, but it was all I could do. I was too frightened to fight him.
"You're mine now, my blue-eyed girl."
Greg used to say that.
September 19th, 3:30 AM
I couldn't sleep, again. Well, of course, why wouldn't I be able to? I guess I'll tell you the rest, since I'm up, and I left you hanging like that. Basically, in a nutshell…
Aw, nobody cares about nutshells, anyway. Back to ten o'clock last night…
Well, almost a second after he said that, he kissed me. My eyes were open, and tears were still falling. His hands still held my wrists tightly, and, as I figured out later, left bruises on my arms. I just sat rigid, and let him kiss me. I tried to move, but his legs held mine still.
It seemed like he'd done this before.
I felt myself fainting, but he grabbed my breast and I snapped back to attention. I wanted to scream. He was hurting me, but his lips wouldn't leave mine. I thought I heard rustling in the corner, and my eyes darted around the room.
That's when I saw Grommit.
He was sitting outside my bedroom door, looking at us. I'm sure he saw the pain and fear in my eyes.
He started barking. Loudly, and uncontrollably.
I love that dog.
Kip tensed, and then I heard the front door swing open. I was so smart for not habitually locking it.
I promised myself that I'd keep the door unlocked from then on.
It was Chandler, thank God. He was furious, when he saw I was crying.
"Bastard!" he screamed, coming over to the sofa. He picked Kip up and practically threw him out the door.
"Get the fuck out! I want you gone by morning! Pack! Now!" He yelled. Kip was sprawled on the floor, holding his knee. Chandler was fuming.
"But - " he tried to explain.
"I don't want anything to do with you anymore!" I almost smiled at his choice of words. But I was not in a smiling mood. "Go! Before I throw you out empty-handed! You sick fuck! Go!" Chandler looked more betrayed than Kip did. It was horrible to see him that way. I wanted to hug him, but my body refused to move me, and the tears were still falling. I was so angry with Kip. I swear, I would have killed him, had my muscles let me.
Chandler slammed the door in his face, and locked it. He then wheeled around and came back over to the sofa, where I was. His expression had changed completely, but he was still red in the face.
"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"
"Just my wrists."
I held them up, and then curled myself into a ball on the sofa. I was so miserable. I was shaking and sobbing. I wanted Chandler to hug me, but I was so disgusted with myself that I didn't want him to touch me.
"Oh, Mon…" he whispered, and tried to put his hand on my back. I winced, and he pulled his hand away quickly. "Sorry…" he stuttered, and sat down beside me. He handed me the tissues, and I took a couple silently. He sat with me while I cried, not saying a word. Just sitting, until I had calmed.
For that, I'm so grateful.
He never ceases to amaze me. Though he's probably the most sarcastic and witty guy I've ever met, he just seems to know, when it's not the right time. The best friends are those who speak to you without words. He handles that like an art.
You know, he really rescued me last night. Just as Matt had, in a similar situation.
I told you…they're so alike. Except that I wasn't attracted to Matt, in that way.
Chandler, on the other hand…
I'm going to try and get some sleep.
9:00 AM
Why in the world can't I get a decent night's sleep? It's like, I don't even get tired. I just…don't sleep. I'm not sure why. I guess, some part in me is just afraid to go to sleep or something…who knows.
Well, the meteorologists predict sunny weather today! So I think I'm going to go for a walk with my Super Puppy. That dog saved my life. He's not going anywhere. I can't decide what to have for breakfast, though. Bacon or eggs…hmm.
As you can see, I am attempting not to talk about the thing that you think that I was going to talk about. But, see, I'm tricky. I'm not going to talk about the thing that I'm not supposed to talk about, because you want me to talk about the thing that I'm not going to talk about that isn't the thing I'm supposed to talk about. You know what I mean?
And I just wasted all of that ink on a load of crap that makes no sense. Peachy, Monica.
…I give up.
What is up with me? I can't get him out of my head. I'm totally lost and messed up. I can't seem to sort out my feelings into something that my brain can comprehend. Everything's blurry and mixed up, and not just because I had a little mimosa with breakfast.
Only one really coherent thought has been running through my brain for the past … week or so.
Chandler.
Why? I haven't a clue. It may be the resemblance to Matt, or the fact that I haven't had an actual boyfriend. Kip doesn't count. He's not a boy or a friend. I don't consider him to be human. If you're as heartless as him, you shouldn't consider yourself one of the species. So, how could he count as either, let alone both?
I'm going to go get the mail and stuff, take Grommit out, and so on. See you soon.
11:00 AM
Huh. Well, that's just great.
I got the paper while I was out with Grommit. Yeah, wonderful day for the news.
Uh-huh, so I'm flipping through it, checking a little of each section, kind of glancing over the pages, when I stopped suddenly at a familiar name.
Rachel Green.
Huh. Interesting. Rachel is in town, believe it or not! And engaged, nonetheless! But did I get an invitation? Noo.
I don't know where they're staying, so I can't
A) Talk to her, or
B) Harass her and that (probably self-absorbed) fiancé of hers about my lack of an invitation
That's no fun! Well, anyway, Cee is going to come over today. I haven't seen her in a while, and she, Phoebe, Chandler, and I are all going to help Chandler interview people for his new place. He actually just asked me to help, but I'm sure he won't mind…
Oh I'm so excited! I get to judge people all day, and they're going to suck up to me, too!
Okay, moving on. Here's a question…
Why is it, that everyone is so damn messy? I mean, Phoebe spills stuff all over the place! And so does everyone else! It drives me NUTS! I just wish people would get it that things have to be clean around here.
If you're going to spill, spill in the sink!
September 20th, 1:00 PM
What a long night! But it's okay, because we all benefited from this… Chandler got a super-cute roommate! He has the nicest arms. I mean, wow! His name's Joey Tribbiani. Mmm. Guys. Mmm. Italian Guys. Mmm. Italian guys with cute arms and nice asses…
Hey, don't stare at this like I'm crazy! Phoebe's the crazy one!
The woman had a debate about the death penalty with a can of cashews. And somehow…They swayed her!
I just don't get it. Anyway… I got a phone call from Ross earlier. It turns out, Carol, his wife, is in a bit of a pickle. She's apparently a lesbian. Now, I don't know if this is a direct result of Ross, or what, but… I still don't understand how he didn't know. They're going to get a divorce. It's awful. I feel terrible! And I was going to have him come stay over, and then I remembered that Phoebe still lives here…
But Joey, Chandler, and Ross practically do, too. They're always over here, or at the coffeehouse together. I guess, we immediately had this whole bond, thing. And it was really, really cool. We just sat at my place this morning, and talked for about five or six hours! I learned tons of things about everyone else, and, well, everyone else got a chance to laugh at me.
But Phoebe's been gone a lot. She isn't really home in the evenings and the mornings. And she doesn't eat breakfast over here, usually. I don't know what it is, but I think she's avoiding me. I might have to talk to her about it.
3:00 PM
So I talked to Phoebe. That was … Fun. By the way, that was sarcasm, in case you didn't catch that. I found her in Central Perk, sitting, drinking coffee, as usual.
"Hey, Pheebs." I sat down next to her.
"Mon, I have to tell you something."
I hoped it was what I was confronting her about. "Yeah? What is it?"
"Well, I've been going out a lot, at night. Usually all night, actually."
"Uh - huh…"
"I've been staying at my grandmother's. I want to move in with her."
"Oh." I was quiet for quite a while longer, after that.
"But I'm still gonna be over all the time, it's just, I won't have to worry so much about crumbs and stains and stuff. You know, you're really a neat freak."
"I know."
"Are you okay?" I paused, then made a decision.
"Yeah."
Well, things are really changing. Phoebe moved out, Joey moved in with Chandler, Ross is getting a divorce… It's all getting weirder and weirder. And plus, I'm seeing less and less of Cee. I've become a lot closer to Phoebe, but Cee knows everything about me. I don't want to lose her like I lost Matt. I don't think I'm handling this very well…
September 22nd, 2:00 PM
Coffee is always good. You know that? And, I really like the feel of Central Perk. It's so homey. It has the most comfortable orange couch and squishy chairs with tables. The five of us, plus Cee sometimes, claim that area of the café. No one seems to even bother to take it. It's pretty funny, because all of the patrons just kind of know to move when one of us, or usually several of us, come in.
We were sitting on the couch just a couple of hours ago, chatting. Chandler had been describing his latest dream, and Joey was making fun of me, as usual. Phoebe was just Phoebe, and I was off in my own thoughts. Cee had just left a minute ago, when Ross came in.
"Hi." He said, sadly.
"This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself!" Joey said to Chandler, and I informed them that Carol had moved her stuff out today. I had never seen him so depressed. Chandler kept cracking me up with his lame attempts to cheer Ross up. Joey, being the perverted little flirt that he is, made a suggestion.
"Ross, you're in pain. You're angry. You're hurtin'. Do you know what the answer is?" Ross gestured his curiosity. "Strip joints! Come on! You're single! Have some hormones!" I rolled my eyes at him.
"But I don't want to be single. I just want to be married again."
Seconds later, the doors of Central Perk swung open, revealing a young woman in a wedding dress, soaking wet.
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Tah-dah!!!! Hope you liked this one!!!! Part 7 coming very very soon!!!!