Monica's Diary ~* Part VII *~
A/N: Since I made you guys wait so long for part 6...I'm going to put up part 7 now...so...yeah...here goes! I hope you guys figured out who that was in the doorway, because, otherwise, whoa! You need to go watch the Pilot...and quick....
This is a shorter chapter than the other ones...but you won't be disappointed...
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"But I don't want to be single. I just want to be married again."
Seconds later, the doors of Central Perk swung open, revealing a young woman in a wedding dress, soaking wet.
I recognized her immediately.
"Rachel?" I was totally confused. What was she doing at Central Perk? I thought she was on the outskirts of town. Not here.
"Oh my God, Monica, hi!"
I introduced everyone, and mentioned the fact that Cee had just left, and we sat and she explained how she had left her fiancé, Barry, at the altar. She also, oddly enough, mentioned that he looked a lot like Mr. Potato Head. You should have seen the image in my head with that one. It almost made me laugh out loud. Anyway, apparently I was the only person she knew who lived in the city. I wasn't as immediate to take her in. She didn't invite me to the wedding! I love weddings! So, naturally, I avoided the question as much as I could, because I had to act like I wasn't going to let her. Of course, I knew if she asked, I would have, but that's beside the point. A girl has to have integrity! Like…Not to give in when anyone just asks you if they can move in with you. Or, not to give in when anyone just asks you if they can rape you. I should have been more stubborn. It almost seems my fault. I knew there was something weird about Kip since I met him. I'm sure you knew something, too, with just the way I described him. Who knows.
Well, Phoebe had tried to set me up on a date, because she didn't know what happened. I'm not sure I want to tell anyone yet. About what happened with Kip, Chandler is the only one who knows. And Cee is the only one who knows about Greg. Well, Phoebe knows he attacked me, but she doesn't know his name's Greg, and she doesn't know that he is my ex-husband. And of course, Ross knew I got a divorce, but he doesn't know why, and I don't plan on telling him until I tell everyone. I'm not sure why. I guess, Cee is the only one who knows everything. And I almost told Matthew about Greg, but then he left, and I'm probably going to tell Chandler sooner or later, before anyone else. And now Rachel's here, and she's going to stay here with me. Wow, it's weird how I actually have friends.
I didn't have that when I was with TB. He practically forbade me to go out with anyone, except for Cee. I don't think he was sober, though, when I told him that I was going out, or I left before he woke up with a hangover. But can you blame me? I don't think I want to be reminiscing about him again. It gives me nightmares. And I don't have someone to cling to, ya know? I don't want to trust too many people, I'm too afraid of getting hurt. I'm so sick of getting hurt. It gets old, you know. Pain. Suffering. Nightmares. More pain. More suffering. It's an endless cycle, and I can't seem to figure out what to do to break it.
September 23rd, 9:00 AM
Oh my goodness, oh my goodness. Why? When? How? This is so weird. I had a horrid nightmare last night. It was awful. About…Kip. Why why why why why do I have to have another guy that I have nightmares about?!
Greg was BAD ENOUGH!
I woke up around two o'clock in the morning, crying, shaking, and sweating. I was so afraid, so I did the first thing that came to mind. I bolted out of bed, and ran across the hall. Crazy, I know. But I was so scared that I did the only thing that I could think of. I dashed into Chandler's room, and jumped into his bed. He woke up right away, and I'm sure he was about as frightened as I was, because I was being panicky and out of breath. It took him a second to wake up, and another few to realize that it was me who was in his bed.
"Oh my God, Monica, what is it?"
"Y-you have to help me. I'm so scared, Chandler!" I choked out.
"What-why? What's wrong?"
"Don't let him get me!" I yelled.
"W-who?" He was just as nervous as I was.
"Kip! He was-he was…"
"What? Was he in your room?"
"He was…I was…" Everything clicked all of a sudden. "I had a nightmare."
"Oh, Mon!" He hugged me close to him, and I broke down and cried. I didn't want him to ever let me go again. I was frightened, and he was the one person I could think of that would just drop everything to make sure that I was okay, even if it meant giving up trying to sleep to dry my tears and make my pain go away. I could never ever let him go, no matter what happens. If he moved, I don't know what I'd do. I'd probably go mad. Girls have a connection, sure, but guys and girls have sort of a thing, you know? Like, silent conversation. You only have that with your best friends. Well, Chandler and I have that, and we barely know each other. I've known him for ten days, and I know him like I know Cee. He doesn't know me like Cee does, but the only thing he doesn't know is about Greg.
Mind you, that's a big part of who I am, because I wouldn't be this paranoid if I hadn't been with him, but still. He doesn't judge me at all. He merely accepts the fact that I have nightmares, and that I'm really obsessive and organized about everything. He accepts it without question, or amusement. It's just like, 'This is who you are, and I'm allright with it'. I don't get that with anyone else.
Amazing barely describes him.
He held me until I fell asleep. I'm sure I soaked his t-shirt really badly, but I never felt him move. I woke up about an hour and a half ago, and he was still there. Still there. For me.
I'm so new to this feeling. With guys, anyway.
All the guys I knew abandoned me when I felt the worst, and needed them the most. But when the smoke had cleared, Chandler was there. He's a great guy, even if it means that I'll just be stuck with the best friend role for the rest of our lives. As long as he's part of my life, I don't care. I just wish I had met him when I wasn't under such circumstances. In other words, if I wasn't frightened, alone, and nervous about every move that he makes. Greg's ruined it for every single other guy who comes into my life. And you know what else? Kip's not making it any easier, either. Why why why why why why can't I just move on? It's just not fair! I just want to be normal, like everyone else. I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want to spend every night staying up wondering if one of them is going to burst through the window and attack me with a knife. I don't want to see every guy I know and care about slip through my fingers before I can get a hold of them. It's all too confusing, and I don't feel like talking about it anymore. It just makes me sick to my stomach. I'm supposed to go to CP for breakfast, but I don't know if I really feel up to it right now. Everyone seems to get along fine without me. In fact…
Ross has been acting awfully funny towards Rachel, since they met. I wonder what's going on inside that head of his.
Then again, maybe I don't want to know. I'll just leave it be.
September 25th, 3:00 PM
Okay, again, I have to ask, why?
I am so nervous about everything! I want so badly to tell Chandler. But I can't seem to bring myself to do it. I can't figure out why I don't just do it. Rip the Band-Aid off, as Phoebe says. Quick and painless.
But, if I do it…It's going to be drawn out and dramatic. My mind just works that way. Not that I'm blowing anything out of proportion, I'm just, being a little too honest. I need to just suck it up and tell him. That's just it. That's what I'm going to do…
Tomorrow.
No, today. I have to tell him today, I just need some time to prepare. This is going to be a short entry, because I'm going to go write and memorize a speech, so that I don't sound so stupid.
7:30 PM
Okay, remember when I said that the most scared I had ever been was when Greg was in my window? And then, I said, that it was when Kip was making a move on me? Well, I'm going somewhere with this, in case you haven't caught up yet. I had a long discussion with Chandler later, and he let me know some stuff, so that you can get what happened, at least, a little bit. I know, I'm making no sense, but I'm having a nervous breakdown, so don't mind me. I'll just be spazzing in the corner, nothing to worry about.
Yeah, so anyway, to use the greatest amount of sarcasm in the history of sarcasm…
My bestest friend in the whole wide world paid me a visit today.
Uh-huh, you know who. Greg, TB, whatever you want to call him. Apparently, he had told Chandler that he was my boyfriend, and Chandler reluctantly let him in. Mind you, he wasn't Matt, so he didn't know what Greg looked like. I just wish he had asked me first. But then again, he may have suspected that I was seeing someone in secret, and that he was going to confront me later about it. Okay, back on track.
So I was walking in from getting the mail, setting everything down, and realized that I had accidentally left Grommit in my room. I walked through the kitchen, and almost made it to the door, when he spoke to me.
"Well, well, well. Don't we clean up real nice." He said. His voice was raspy, and I could tell that he had been drinking. I recognized his tone immediately. I froze for a second, and then turned around. He was unshaven, and he had stains all over his clothes from one thing or another. He looked like an all-around slob. And if it weren't him, I would have made him take them off and cleaned them for him. But, I didn't, of course. I didn't want to look as frightened as I was, so I cleared my throat to get rid of the nerves that were caught there.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, plainly. He stood, and I could tell that my expressionless mask had been removed, only to be replaced with one of fear and anger.
"Claiming what's mine to begin with."
"I'm not a prize to own, Greg."
"Says who?" He grinned, and reached for my wrists. I saw a glint of silver, and noticed he had a knife in his pocket. I risked it, and moved my hands anyway. He saw me eyeing his pocket knife, and he took it out.
"This old thing?" He gestured at it. "It's real rusty. I'd hate to see what it does to skin, wouldn't you?" He hit a button, and the blade popped out. I jumped slightly, and he laughed.
"Scared?"
"Why would I be?" My confidence was shaking.
"Because I'm not afraid, either." He closed the gap between us. "I've never been afraid. I don't need someone to protect me from anything, or anyone. I don't need a bodyguard."
"What're you getting at?" My head turned a little, and I eyed the door quickly, my voice rising.
"Chancy? Chivvy? Your little friend across the hall? He's such a moron. He let me into your apartment. Didn't you tell him anything?"
I felt my hands ball up into fists at my sides. I don't know how I put up with this all these years. I don't know why I stayed with him. I still ask myself that. Well, I wasn't going to deal with it anymore. Hearing him talk about my friend, the one guy who truly cares about me, was more than I could stand. I spoke slowly through clenched teeth.
"His name…is Chandler."
"Whatever. What kind of a freak has a name like -"
That was the last straw. I hit him with every ounce of strength I had. He fell over backwards, and I used my moment to spare, to get as close as I could to the door. He got up, right as I was starting to open the door, and grabbed at my throat. I kicked and lashed at him, the door flying open along with me.
You know how sometimes, when you get really angry, or scared, or something, you seem to get superhuman strength? Well, that's about what happened. I ended up, though Greg was almost twice my size, taking his hands, and yanking him out the door. He hit the wall across from me, which was Chandler's door, and slid down, nearly knocked out. I put my foot on his throat. Not enough to choke him, but enough to let him know that if he moved, I would. The door of Chandlers apartment opened, and Chandler came running out. His expression was a mixture of every emotion imaginable. Me, on the other hand, I was smiling. I looked at him, not moving my foot at all.
"Greg, this is Chandler. Chandler, this is my ex-husband, Greg."
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