TWO NIGHTS LATER
Jack hadn't seen Sam since he'd shot Jonas. Doctor Frasier had insisted on rushing her to the infirmary to deal with the head wound. He's thought about visiting her there, but wasn't sure she's be pleased to see him. After all, he had shot and killed her fiancé.
"Ex-fiancé" he reminded himself out loud, startling an SF he happened to be passing. Instead, he wandered the corridors. It was getting to be a habit with him, this wandering around late at night, when he should be sleeping. He never slept much now. At first he'd just try to find his way around, but now he knew the base like the back of his hand. Now he just drifted from lab to lab, from Teal'c's room to the commissary, control room to the briefing room. Now he found himself at Daniel's door.
"Jack, come in." Daniel said, automatically handing him coffee. He never slept much any more either. "Sam's fine." He said, squinting down at the piece of parchment in his hand.
"I know." Jack said.
"How? You haven't visited her." Daniel reproached him, peering at him over the tops of his glasses.
"I asked the Doctor." Jack said. He'd hung about outside the infirmary, not sure why. He knew Carter wasn't going to die, but he'd felt a small cold fear in his stomach until he knew, knew exactly what was going to happen to her. He'd bugged the Doctor until she'd finally snapped and said,
"Colonel O'Neill, I may be new here, but I assure you, over the next few years you will realise I know exactly what I'm doing. Captain Carter will be fine, now go away and leave me alone until I ask to come see me."
Meekly, and much to his surprise, he'd done exactly as she had said.
"Why didn't you visit her?" Daniel asked.
"Doctor Frasier?"
"Sam." Daniel said impatiently.
"I killed her fiancé."
"Ex-fiancé"
"Still...."
"She's not angry with you, you know." Daniel reassured him. Jack shrugged, put down his coffee mug, and left.
And found himself roaming the corridors again, not sure what he was looking for. Just remembering...that one moment of silent communication he'd had with Carter, back in the gateroom. It wasn't new, good soldiers should be able to communicate like that, but he hadn't had that close a link with someone else since Kowalsky, and it had surprised him, that just for that one second, there'd been no need for words or gestures. They'd read each other thoughts.
And then he found what he was looking for.
Carter's lab.
*****
She hadn't thought about what happened. She'd carefully filed every single moment of the past three days away in the back of her mind. She didn't want to think about it. And if she tried very very hard, she could forget it.
Probably.
So she returned to her lab, to her work, to her little place of safety.
And didn't think about Jonas's blood spilling over her as the Colonel had shot him. Didn't think about how rough he was when he grabbed her, how gentle he'd once been. Didn't think about the insanity in his eyes when he called himself God, the intensity of his eyes when he insisted he was the only one who had ever loved her, would ever love her. She didn't feel anything at all, as she returned to her experiment.
It wouldn't work, over and over again, the little machine she'd been working on. She tried one combination, then another, but she was beginning to get frustrated. She was hungry, and tired, but didn't dare leave her work. She couldn't leave it. She picked up the screwdriver, to loosen the casing, but the screwdriver slipped and scraped across her hand, digging in, leaving a large cut.
"Damn it!" she shouted. "Damn, that hurt." She started to wrap a plaster around it, but her hand was shaking, and before she realised it, she was crying. She started to sob, but couldn't stop herself. Suddenly, all her self-defences crumbled. Shaking, she crouched down, underneath the table, biting her lip, trying to get the uncontrollable crying stopped. God help her if anyone saw her now!
"Carter, you in here?" she heard a voice call. No, not the Colonel! Anyone but the Colonel. It had taken so long for him to accept her as a soldier. She couldn't let him see her like this. She bit down even harder on her lip, so hard she drew blood, wrapping her arms tightly around herself to stop the shaking. Whatever happened, he mustn't see her crying.
*****
Jack hadn't seen Sam since he'd shot Jonas. Doctor Frasier had insisted on rushing her to the infirmary to deal with the head wound. He's thought about visiting her there, but wasn't sure she's be pleased to see him. After all, he had shot and killed her fiancé.
"Ex-fiancé" he reminded himself out loud, startling an SF he happened to be passing. Instead, he wandered the corridors. It was getting to be a habit with him, this wandering around late at night, when he should be sleeping. He never slept much now. At first he'd just try to find his way around, but now he knew the base like the back of his hand. Now he just drifted from lab to lab, from Teal'c's room to the commissary, control room to the briefing room. Now he found himself at Daniel's door.
"Jack, come in." Daniel said, automatically handing him coffee. He never slept much any more either. "Sam's fine." He said, squinting down at the piece of parchment in his hand.
"I know." Jack said.
"How? You haven't visited her." Daniel reproached him, peering at him over the tops of his glasses.
"I asked the Doctor." Jack said. He'd hung about outside the infirmary, not sure why. He knew Carter wasn't going to die, but he'd felt a small cold fear in his stomach until he knew, knew exactly what was going to happen to her. He'd bugged the Doctor until she'd finally snapped and said,
"Colonel O'Neill, I may be new here, but I assure you, over the next few years you will realise I know exactly what I'm doing. Captain Carter will be fine, now go away and leave me alone until I ask to come see me."
Meekly, and much to his surprise, he'd done exactly as she had said.
"Why didn't you visit her?" Daniel asked.
"Doctor Frasier?"
"Sam." Daniel said impatiently.
"I killed her fiancé."
"Ex-fiancé"
"Still...."
"She's not angry with you, you know." Daniel reassured him. Jack shrugged, put down his coffee mug, and left.
And found himself roaming the corridors again, not sure what he was looking for. Just remembering...that one moment of silent communication he'd had with Carter, back in the gateroom. It wasn't new, good soldiers should be able to communicate like that, but he hadn't had that close a link with someone else since Kowalsky, and it had surprised him, that just for that one second, there'd been no need for words or gestures. They'd read each other thoughts.
And then he found what he was looking for.
Carter's lab.
*****
She hadn't thought about what happened. She'd carefully filed every single moment of the past three days away in the back of her mind. She didn't want to think about it. And if she tried very very hard, she could forget it.
Probably.
So she returned to her lab, to her work, to her little place of safety.
And didn't think about Jonas's blood spilling over her as the Colonel had shot him. Didn't think about how rough he was when he grabbed her, how gentle he'd once been. Didn't think about the insanity in his eyes when he called himself God, the intensity of his eyes when he insisted he was the only one who had ever loved her, would ever love her. She didn't feel anything at all, as she returned to her experiment.
It wouldn't work, over and over again, the little machine she'd been working on. She tried one combination, then another, but she was beginning to get frustrated. She was hungry, and tired, but didn't dare leave her work. She couldn't leave it. She picked up the screwdriver, to loosen the casing, but the screwdriver slipped and scraped across her hand, digging in, leaving a large cut.
"Damn it!" she shouted. "Damn, that hurt." She started to wrap a plaster around it, but her hand was shaking, and before she realised it, she was crying. She started to sob, but couldn't stop herself. Suddenly, all her self-defences crumbled. Shaking, she crouched down, underneath the table, biting her lip, trying to get the uncontrollable crying stopped. God help her if anyone saw her now!
"Carter, you in here?" she heard a voice call. No, not the Colonel! Anyone but the Colonel. It had taken so long for him to accept her as a soldier. She couldn't let him see her like this. She bit down even harder on her lip, so hard she drew blood, wrapping her arms tightly around herself to stop the shaking. Whatever happened, he mustn't see her crying.
*****