SNAPERIFFIC!
Author's Note: Wow. Chapter five! Is five chapters some kind of milestone? I'd like to be serious for a moment, if I may (yes, I _am_ able to be serious). The chapters have been going up fairly fast because I already had them done, but I am nearing the end of what I have written so far, so I will need to slow down the posts. And if I find that there is a lack of interest (aka- lack of REVIEWS people!!) in this story (which I take a lot of pride in) my posts will become even less frequent and I will feel less motivated to write more. So, if you really like this story, _please_ review, and tell me exactly what you think! Thank you. PS- I would appreciate it is you read my other stories (be wary of spoiler warnings)
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Chapter Five: Snape Learns to Wash His Hair, Harry Anonymously Gets the Help He Needs, and Draco Gets His First Taste of Stardom and Burritos (a.k.a. I-I'm Hungry!)
'So you say that you put the shampoo in your hand, and then you spread it throughout your hair, and then you massage it around until it is lathered a lot, and then you rinse it out?' Snape said, taking notes. Gilderoy nodded.
'You have to make sure that you get all of your hair shampooed, and then you have to make sure that you rinse it all out. If you did it properly, it should squeak afterwards!' ever since Snape had started to ask him how to wash his hair, he was becoming more and more like his old vain self. He no longer cared about the animal crackers.
Snape wrote all this down. 'Okay. then what?' he asked. Gilderoy smiled, showing all of his pearly-white teeth.
'You take a handful conditioner and spread it throughout your hair. Let it sink in for a few minutes, and then rinse it out thoroughly. Then, once you are done, towel dry your hair gently, comb it out with a wide tooth comb, and air dry it.'
'Okay, got it, wish me luck!' Snape said, and swallowed and walked into the washroom.
~
Three hours later Ron woke up, and looked over to Harry and almost fainted. His stomach was so large that he would have sworn, that if he had bleached his hair he would have looked like a younger version of his cousin. There were empty boxes of Turtles and Hedgehogs thrown about, and he couldn't even sit up anymore.
'Harry! What do you think you are doing?!'
Harry burped, and took a sip of soda. 'Eating my misery away.'
Ron swore. 'What misery?! What is wrong with you?!'
Harry didn't answer, he just stuffed another Turtle into his mouth. 'One hundred and two.' He mumbled.
'Hello gorgeous!' They heard someone in the bathroom say. Ron laughed and snuck over to see who it was. Seamus was combing his hair, looking into the mirror, and practising smiling to himself. 'Knock 'em dead Seam-ster!' he said. "What's my name?"
Ron couldn't hold it in anymore. 'SHAFT!' he yelled, and started to laugh. He fell into the doorway and held his stomach as he cackled. Seamus frowned.
'I don't know what you are talking about, Ron.' He said, a blush rising in his cheeks. Ron pointed with his right hand, and held his stomach with the other, and tried to say something. It just came out as maniacal laughing. 'Real mature! I think you might want to go check up on Harry, he doesn't look so good.' Seamus said. Ron stood up and stopped laughing.
'I totally forgot!' he said, and ran over to Harry. Once Seamus was sure that Ron couldn't hear him, he started to hum the Mission Impossible theme to himself.
Ron picked Harry up and brought him down to the Common Room, where he sat down to rest. Hermione ran over to them, Hogwarts; A History in hand.
'Oh, no Ron! You and your brothers smuggled Dudley into Hogwarts, didn't you?! I-' she blinked. 'Oh good gosh! That's Harry!' she screamed. Ron told her what happened and she turned pale. She bent over Harry. 'Speak to me! Can you hear me?'
Harry groaned and opened his eyes. 'I-' he hacked and she lent closer.
'Yes?'
'I- I'm. hungry!' he gasped and went unconscious. Hermione wiped a tear from her eye and looked at Ron.
'Lets take him to the Hospital Wing.' She whispered. Ron sighed and put his hands up questioningly.
'How? He weighs more than your backpack!'
'A wagon! There is a little red wagon in my dorm, hold on, I will go get it!' She ran off, and in two minutes she was back with the little red wagon. 'Help me put him in.' she said, and they hoisted Harry into the wagon. His arms, legs, and head didn't fit in, but there was nothing they could do about it.
Once they lifted the wagon out of the Common Room, the Fat Lady began to laugh. Hermione glared at her. 'I wouldn't be laughing if I were you!' she snapped. The Fat Lady stopped laughing and frowned at Hermione.
As they walked through the halls, they were stopped by Draco, who was eating a burrito.
'Just like the movie stars!' he bragged with his mouth full, sending half-chewed food flying into Hermione's and Ron's face. 'You ordinary shmos wouldn't know!' he spat.
Ron stared. 'Know what?'
Draco smirked. 'Exactly.'
When they figured out that he wasn't going to say anything more, Ron and Hermione took Harry up to the Hospital Wing. Madame Pomfrey prescribed him some merchandise and a whole lot of exercise, and said to see her in the morning.
'.and here is a pamphlet.' She said, handing him a colourful piece of paper. Harry, who was able to walk on his own now, took it and read the title out loud.
'So, You Ate A Lot.' he smiled at Madame Pomfrey. 'Thanks!' and they walked out of the infirmary. Harry turned to Ron. 'Can you help me give up my addiction to sweets?' he asked. Ron thought for a moment.
'Yes. Yes, I can.' He said and led Harry down the hall, with Hermione running after them. They reached a room that Harry had never seen before, and went in. There was a circle of people sitting in chairs, and a chalkboard with the letters FAA on the board. Harry, Hermione, and Ron took the empty seats. Ron seemed to know what was going on. Harry leaned over to him.
'What does FAA stand for?' he asked.
'Food Addicts Anonymous.' He whispered.
Harry shook his head. 'That can't be right. How can I be anonymous when people can see my face?' he asked. Ron shrugged.
'I dunno. Quiet, the meeting is about to start!'
The Fat Friar kind of glided into the room and stood by the chalkboard. 'Hello members. I am the ghost of Friar Tuck, or as the crueller students of Hogwarts have named me, the Fat Friar. But I forgive them.'
The group smiled at him. 'Hello Fat Friar.' They chorused.
'Thank you for your greeting. I see we have some new members today. Ron, I see you have hit rock bottom.'
Ron shook his head. 'No way man, I can go way deeper! I'm attending today for my friend Harry here.'
Harry stood up. 'Hello, my name is Harry and I have a problem with food.' He said. Everyone clapped and gave him the same greeting that they gave The Friar, except put Harry's name in place of The Friar's. Now I ask myself, would it have been quicker just to write "Hello Harry!"?
The Friar gave Harry a big smile. 'Very good Harry, you may sit down now. The first step is admitting you have a problem! Unfortunately it is a very small step, requiring very little effort, as you all know. The hardest part is actually fixing the problem, which is why we are here today. Lets share our stories. Neville, you first.' The Friar pointed to Neville, who stood up.
'Hello, my name is Neville.'
'Hello Neville.'
'Before I came to Hogwarts, I attended a muggle school where I went by the name of Bruce Bogtrotter. A very strict and cruel headmistress ruled the school. On one occasion I happened to be walking by the kitchen when the most delightful smell reached my ears. A big, fresh, homemade chocolate cake! No one was looking, and before I knew what happened, I had eaten the headmistress' slice! Of course, she found out, and the next day she called an assembly and forced me to eat an entire cake in front of the student body! It was wonderful, and by the end everyone was cheering me on! And from that day on, I would eat a whole chocolate cake everyday.' He ended his story abruptly and sat down. The Friar blinked, and then seeing that Neville was done, he pointed to the girl beside him.
'Hello, my name is Hermione.'
'Hello Hermione.'
'Its been one year, twenty six days, four hours, and thirty two seconds since my first- and last- double chocolate chip cookie.' Hermione looked off into the distance, and everyone's vision went weird.
~~Cheesy flashback mode~~
Hermione is sitting outside on her lawn, and she eats a double- chocolate-chip cookie. A cute boy walks by (not Elijah) and she starts to giggle uncontrollably. He looks at her, panicking.
Boy: What? What?
Hermione laughs.
Boy: It's my hair, isn't it? Isn't it? Well little girl- I can't help that!!
The boy starts to cry and runs away, leaving Hermione laughing her head off on the ground. Hermione's mom comes out and yells at her for eating food that had sugar in it (because she is a dentist).
~~End flashback~~
Everyone clapped for Hermione, and Harry, ever so slowly, made his way to the door.
'Harry get back here!' The Friar yelled. Harry started to run down the corridor out of the door. The class started to follow him, and he ran faster.
-----
A/N: Okay, before those Saint Mungo's people come to capture me, I would like to straighten out some things. I have nothing against support-groups; I just hate this one in particular. And also, although it sounds fun, laughing at people walking by your house is not a good idea. Thank you to all of those who have reviewed already: Madame Rose, a person who ISN'T Mrs. Wood, sweetkaiser, Izaayous, harry potter chik, sue, The Order of the Broken Toe, , Richal, Deity, and chickens. ^-^~ " peace.
Author's Note: Wow. Chapter five! Is five chapters some kind of milestone? I'd like to be serious for a moment, if I may (yes, I _am_ able to be serious). The chapters have been going up fairly fast because I already had them done, but I am nearing the end of what I have written so far, so I will need to slow down the posts. And if I find that there is a lack of interest (aka- lack of REVIEWS people!!) in this story (which I take a lot of pride in) my posts will become even less frequent and I will feel less motivated to write more. So, if you really like this story, _please_ review, and tell me exactly what you think! Thank you. PS- I would appreciate it is you read my other stories (be wary of spoiler warnings)
-----
Chapter Five: Snape Learns to Wash His Hair, Harry Anonymously Gets the Help He Needs, and Draco Gets His First Taste of Stardom and Burritos (a.k.a. I-I'm Hungry!)
'So you say that you put the shampoo in your hand, and then you spread it throughout your hair, and then you massage it around until it is lathered a lot, and then you rinse it out?' Snape said, taking notes. Gilderoy nodded.
'You have to make sure that you get all of your hair shampooed, and then you have to make sure that you rinse it all out. If you did it properly, it should squeak afterwards!' ever since Snape had started to ask him how to wash his hair, he was becoming more and more like his old vain self. He no longer cared about the animal crackers.
Snape wrote all this down. 'Okay. then what?' he asked. Gilderoy smiled, showing all of his pearly-white teeth.
'You take a handful conditioner and spread it throughout your hair. Let it sink in for a few minutes, and then rinse it out thoroughly. Then, once you are done, towel dry your hair gently, comb it out with a wide tooth comb, and air dry it.'
'Okay, got it, wish me luck!' Snape said, and swallowed and walked into the washroom.
~
Three hours later Ron woke up, and looked over to Harry and almost fainted. His stomach was so large that he would have sworn, that if he had bleached his hair he would have looked like a younger version of his cousin. There were empty boxes of Turtles and Hedgehogs thrown about, and he couldn't even sit up anymore.
'Harry! What do you think you are doing?!'
Harry burped, and took a sip of soda. 'Eating my misery away.'
Ron swore. 'What misery?! What is wrong with you?!'
Harry didn't answer, he just stuffed another Turtle into his mouth. 'One hundred and two.' He mumbled.
'Hello gorgeous!' They heard someone in the bathroom say. Ron laughed and snuck over to see who it was. Seamus was combing his hair, looking into the mirror, and practising smiling to himself. 'Knock 'em dead Seam-ster!' he said. "What's my name?"
Ron couldn't hold it in anymore. 'SHAFT!' he yelled, and started to laugh. He fell into the doorway and held his stomach as he cackled. Seamus frowned.
'I don't know what you are talking about, Ron.' He said, a blush rising in his cheeks. Ron pointed with his right hand, and held his stomach with the other, and tried to say something. It just came out as maniacal laughing. 'Real mature! I think you might want to go check up on Harry, he doesn't look so good.' Seamus said. Ron stood up and stopped laughing.
'I totally forgot!' he said, and ran over to Harry. Once Seamus was sure that Ron couldn't hear him, he started to hum the Mission Impossible theme to himself.
Ron picked Harry up and brought him down to the Common Room, where he sat down to rest. Hermione ran over to them, Hogwarts; A History in hand.
'Oh, no Ron! You and your brothers smuggled Dudley into Hogwarts, didn't you?! I-' she blinked. 'Oh good gosh! That's Harry!' she screamed. Ron told her what happened and she turned pale. She bent over Harry. 'Speak to me! Can you hear me?'
Harry groaned and opened his eyes. 'I-' he hacked and she lent closer.
'Yes?'
'I- I'm. hungry!' he gasped and went unconscious. Hermione wiped a tear from her eye and looked at Ron.
'Lets take him to the Hospital Wing.' She whispered. Ron sighed and put his hands up questioningly.
'How? He weighs more than your backpack!'
'A wagon! There is a little red wagon in my dorm, hold on, I will go get it!' She ran off, and in two minutes she was back with the little red wagon. 'Help me put him in.' she said, and they hoisted Harry into the wagon. His arms, legs, and head didn't fit in, but there was nothing they could do about it.
Once they lifted the wagon out of the Common Room, the Fat Lady began to laugh. Hermione glared at her. 'I wouldn't be laughing if I were you!' she snapped. The Fat Lady stopped laughing and frowned at Hermione.
As they walked through the halls, they were stopped by Draco, who was eating a burrito.
'Just like the movie stars!' he bragged with his mouth full, sending half-chewed food flying into Hermione's and Ron's face. 'You ordinary shmos wouldn't know!' he spat.
Ron stared. 'Know what?'
Draco smirked. 'Exactly.'
When they figured out that he wasn't going to say anything more, Ron and Hermione took Harry up to the Hospital Wing. Madame Pomfrey prescribed him some merchandise and a whole lot of exercise, and said to see her in the morning.
'.and here is a pamphlet.' She said, handing him a colourful piece of paper. Harry, who was able to walk on his own now, took it and read the title out loud.
'So, You Ate A Lot.' he smiled at Madame Pomfrey. 'Thanks!' and they walked out of the infirmary. Harry turned to Ron. 'Can you help me give up my addiction to sweets?' he asked. Ron thought for a moment.
'Yes. Yes, I can.' He said and led Harry down the hall, with Hermione running after them. They reached a room that Harry had never seen before, and went in. There was a circle of people sitting in chairs, and a chalkboard with the letters FAA on the board. Harry, Hermione, and Ron took the empty seats. Ron seemed to know what was going on. Harry leaned over to him.
'What does FAA stand for?' he asked.
'Food Addicts Anonymous.' He whispered.
Harry shook his head. 'That can't be right. How can I be anonymous when people can see my face?' he asked. Ron shrugged.
'I dunno. Quiet, the meeting is about to start!'
The Fat Friar kind of glided into the room and stood by the chalkboard. 'Hello members. I am the ghost of Friar Tuck, or as the crueller students of Hogwarts have named me, the Fat Friar. But I forgive them.'
The group smiled at him. 'Hello Fat Friar.' They chorused.
'Thank you for your greeting. I see we have some new members today. Ron, I see you have hit rock bottom.'
Ron shook his head. 'No way man, I can go way deeper! I'm attending today for my friend Harry here.'
Harry stood up. 'Hello, my name is Harry and I have a problem with food.' He said. Everyone clapped and gave him the same greeting that they gave The Friar, except put Harry's name in place of The Friar's. Now I ask myself, would it have been quicker just to write "Hello Harry!"?
The Friar gave Harry a big smile. 'Very good Harry, you may sit down now. The first step is admitting you have a problem! Unfortunately it is a very small step, requiring very little effort, as you all know. The hardest part is actually fixing the problem, which is why we are here today. Lets share our stories. Neville, you first.' The Friar pointed to Neville, who stood up.
'Hello, my name is Neville.'
'Hello Neville.'
'Before I came to Hogwarts, I attended a muggle school where I went by the name of Bruce Bogtrotter. A very strict and cruel headmistress ruled the school. On one occasion I happened to be walking by the kitchen when the most delightful smell reached my ears. A big, fresh, homemade chocolate cake! No one was looking, and before I knew what happened, I had eaten the headmistress' slice! Of course, she found out, and the next day she called an assembly and forced me to eat an entire cake in front of the student body! It was wonderful, and by the end everyone was cheering me on! And from that day on, I would eat a whole chocolate cake everyday.' He ended his story abruptly and sat down. The Friar blinked, and then seeing that Neville was done, he pointed to the girl beside him.
'Hello, my name is Hermione.'
'Hello Hermione.'
'Its been one year, twenty six days, four hours, and thirty two seconds since my first- and last- double chocolate chip cookie.' Hermione looked off into the distance, and everyone's vision went weird.
~~Cheesy flashback mode~~
Hermione is sitting outside on her lawn, and she eats a double- chocolate-chip cookie. A cute boy walks by (not Elijah) and she starts to giggle uncontrollably. He looks at her, panicking.
Boy: What? What?
Hermione laughs.
Boy: It's my hair, isn't it? Isn't it? Well little girl- I can't help that!!
The boy starts to cry and runs away, leaving Hermione laughing her head off on the ground. Hermione's mom comes out and yells at her for eating food that had sugar in it (because she is a dentist).
~~End flashback~~
Everyone clapped for Hermione, and Harry, ever so slowly, made his way to the door.
'Harry get back here!' The Friar yelled. Harry started to run down the corridor out of the door. The class started to follow him, and he ran faster.
-----
A/N: Okay, before those Saint Mungo's people come to capture me, I would like to straighten out some things. I have nothing against support-groups; I just hate this one in particular. And also, although it sounds fun, laughing at people walking by your house is not a good idea. Thank you to all of those who have reviewed already: Madame Rose, a person who ISN'T Mrs. Wood, sweetkaiser, Izaayous, harry potter chik, sue, The Order of the Broken Toe, , Richal, Deity, and chickens. ^-^~ " peace.