SNAPERIFFIC!
Author's Note: Yes! After many an age this story is finally being updated! *Waves to the empty crowd* Review please and make me happy! And thank you to all those kind people who have already reviewed!
Miyako Inoue, Queen of Cheese (You are my hero! I am so, SO, SOOOO GLAD that you liked my story [and that you reviewed every single chapter! You deserve a medal or something!] your stories are GREAT! Keep writing!), Azaelian (glad you like it!), Pixsaro (how is Yam??), Carlee (nah hah hah!), Sweetkaiser (or should I say, house of?!?), Celenathil-the-Elf (my other hero! Thank you so much for reading my story! I love your stories!), The Evil One, KAOS, The Dark Elfy Chick (now, you can slowly back away), Izaayous, Harry Potter Chik, Sue, The Order of the Broken Toe, , Richal, Deity, and chickens. Thanks again!
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Chapter Nine: The Ancient Greek Re Creation Society, and Lita Sneeter
'Beer, beer, beer, bubba bubba beer beer beer beer bubba- Every time we gather-'
'Richie, you are starting to get on my nerves!' Gilderoy said, grinding his teeth.
Snape sighed. 'Are we there yet? My teeth are cold!'
Gilderoy growled and hit Snape in the back of the head, and an ice- cube flew out of his mouth.
'Ahh, that's better. Betterer. Butter.' Snape started to talk about the lawn fertilizer market and Gilderoy ignored him.
Snape pulled out his oldies radio and tuned the channels. 'May day! May day! We have seen a UFO! May day! Maaaay day!' Gilderoy stared at him. The radio crackled.
'And now, all the way from Britain, we have The Brostellas and their new single, Gotta Go!' the radio make some strange noises and Snape gasped as he heard Pansy's expert guitar playing start up, along with Crabbe and Goyle's instruments.
'Sitting in the room again
Teacher is blah blah blahing again
"Teach I gotta go!"
My teachers you see,
They're all a bit slow.'
Snape laughed. 'They sure are!' he said, and tried to tap-dance, but slipped on the ice and fell into the snow.
Gilderoy let out a bellow and started to attack Snape. They did the fightey thing, and eventually they rolled off of a cliff. Once they fell to the bottom of the cliff, unharmed, they met a girl there. Behind her was a laptop with a Digimon-portal-thing((no, I do not like Digimon! *runs away crying*)).
'Hello!' she said, running over to them. She stared at Snape with his new facial hair. 'Why, aren't you spiffy? I'm Hermione Farmer! I-'
Snape pushed her out of the way and he and Gilderoy started to run for the portal, anxious to be released from the snowy wasteland. Hermione ran after them. 'Noo! Wait! You have no idea what its like to be out here alone, and Harry is fat! Come back! Come baaack!' but she was too late. Snape and Gilderoy had already jumped into the mystic portal of nortany. Hermione fell to her knees, sobbing. Then she started to laugh, and laugh. She threw her head back in a full "character-who-just-realized-that-they-are-evil" maniacal laugh.
When Snape woke up he found that there was something heavy crushing him. He gasped for air and the pressure lifted. 'Ah! I thought you were a bench!' he heard a familiar voice cry out. He opened his eyes to see something that looked like a watermelon wearing Harry's glasses.
Snape stood up and gasped. 'Ron transfigured Harry into a watermelon didn't he?! Oh, I knew that boy was trouble the first time I laid eyes on him! He'll pay! He'll pay!' Snape fell to the ground and started to sob. Harry patted him on the shoulder awkwardly.
'There, there.'
'Gildy? Where's Gildy?' Snape asked wearily. Gilderoy walked over, his face covered in paper machée.
'Over here Richie!' he said. 'Fancy that portal taking us straight to Hogwarts!'
Snape thought for a moment. 'Hmm. yes, fancy that!' he stood up and fell over, and stood up again. 'We have to go see Dumbledore!' he said and they ran off. Harry watched them go, and then shrugged and tried to sit on a different bench.
'Hey!' Ron cried out in dismay.
'Shh, benches don't talk.' Harry said, taking advantage of his insane friend. Ron nodded and stopped talking.
Snape and Gilderoy walked into the school and tried to ignore the accusing stares of the other students and teachers.
'You stole my Beyblade!' Neville whined. Snape blushed.
'Did not!' they started to walk faster.
'You broke my quill in second year!' Professor Trelawny screeched. Snape shook his head and covered his ears.
'Lies! Lies! They're all lies!' he said and ran the rest of the way to Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore was sitting on his desk in a toga, reading a Readers Digest with a sticky pile of Lemon Drops beside him. When they walked in, he looked up, and his eyes were kinda spirally.
'Hello children. What can I do for you todaaaay?' he said and fell over, his face right into the pile of candies.
Snape fell to his knees. 'NOO! NOT DUMBLEDORE!!' he cried out. Dumbledore sat up and started to predict the future.
'One o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock rock!!' Dumbledore screamed. Snape and Gilderoy ran out of the room, right into Ron who was wearing a toga as well (with those leaf things behind his ears).
'Outta my way, Snapey-boy!' Ron said, trying to push Snape aside to get into Dumbledore's office. 'I'm late for my Ancient Greek Re- Creation Society!'
Draco came running up wearing a toga and sandals too, holding a bag of sacrificial lemon drops. 'Did I miss the anthem!?' he asked anxiously. Ron smiled at him.
'No, I think Snapey-boy here wants to join though!'
Draco smiled evilly and stared at Snape, Gilderoy completely forgotten at the moment. 'That means it's time for INITIATION!!'
They giggled and brought Snape into Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore had stopped singing.
'Now, we have a matter to address.' He said seriously. 'Mr Malfoy is not selling enough Gree-Chocolate! You _know_ how I feel about slackers!' Apparently, the club had to sell chocolate to raise money for togas.
Draco crossed his arms across his chest. 'Well if RON,' he glared at Ron, 'would stop stealing all my customers! I don't think that it was out of curtsey for his superiors that he sold his to _all_ of the Slytherins first!'
Ron turned red. 'Well, they were having that "250 Years of Evil" convention and I couldn't pass up the chance!' he said.
Dumbledore slammed his fist down onto the table. 'That's enough out of you two! You'll settle this on your own time, and NOT by method of chocolate throwing!! In other news, we have a new member. Professor Snape has returned to us with a new look! Welcome back Snapey-boy, and I hope you don't find our method of initiation too- ' he giggled'-hazing!' When no one laughed, he brought a long iron rod out of his desk and held it into the fire for a few minutes. Draco and Ron lifted up Snape's shirt sleeve and before he could do anything, Dumbledore branded him right over his Deatheater Mark. He screamed in agony.
'You fools! You've summoned him!!' he yelled. Dumbledore laughed.
'No we haven't!'
SUDDENLY out of the darkness came Voldie, wearing a toga. 'I would like to be made an honorary member.' He said. Dumbledore branded him too. They all danced around like idiots and Snape took the chance to sit down on the couch. Voldie sat down next to him.
'Hey, um, no hard feelings about the, uh, me trying to kill you bit?' he asked hopefully.
Snape shook his head wearily. 'None whatsoever.' He said.
After the party, Snape went back to his room. Sometime during the club meeting, Gilderoy had run way to be raised by the wolves.
'I guess things are back to normal.' He said to himself slowly. Then he remembered the Ancient Greek Re-Creation Society, and how it would soon take over the whole school. 'Not to mention that we haven't seen the last of Hermione Farmer.' He then fell into an uneasy sleep.
The next day, half the school was wearing togas over their robes, which looked very strange. Snape took his teaching position back from Sirius, who told him his new hair was "real groovy". He hired Gilderoy as his assistant for the time, until they were no longer wanted at St Mungo's.
The next day, Rita Skeeter came to town, disguised as a nosey reporter named Lita Sneeter. Nobody suspected a thing because she had dyed her hair bright pink. And because she changed her name.
In order to get the latest scoop on her secret admiree, Harry Potter, she pretended to be a fifteen year-old girl who had transferred from America (aren't we sick of these people?). Dumbledore had eaten way too many lemon drops and let her go into Gryffindor without question. She found Harry on the third floor corridor being rolled about by Draco and his cronies.
'Hmm.' she said to herself. 'It seems that Harry has gone incognito too. Well, I can see right through the act!' she ran over to them, waving her hands about in the air. 'Boys! Boys! Stop it!' she said, pulling Draco away. Then she stopped, realizing who he was.
'My, my, Harry Potter will have to wait! Can I have an interview, Mr Malfoy?' she asked.
Draco bowed, taking off his top-hat. 'Soitenly!' he said, being a total gentleman. Then he looked at Rita (Lita). 'Er, do I know you?' he asked.
She shrugged. 'Have you ever met Lita Sneeter?' she asked, seemingly answering his question.
He shook his head. 'I guess not. But you do remind me of someone a lot older than fifteen.'
Rita bit her tongue. 'Why, thank you. I dearly love compliments on my appearance.' She grunted.
Draco, with a smile, said. 'You're welcome.'
'WAHHH!!' Harry was crying again. That darned Burrito-eater was stealing his fame! 'Look at me!! I'm Harry Potter, the boy who lived!!' he whined pathetically.
Draco smirked. 'More like, the boy who binged!' he said, and laughed harshly. Ignoring the hurt look on Harry's face, Rita/Lita started to laugh as well.
'Charming, handsome, talented, AND funny! Our readers- I mean, I will have so much fun talking to you!' she said, saving her mistake.
'Well you should! I have a PhD in socialness, and a Masters in humour at others' expense!' he said.
'Ooh!' Rita said, impressed at Draco's fake degrees.
He handed her two pieces of paper. 'Here are two tickets to my first solo concert. I felt like I was being suffocated by the band and needed to break off. Front seats!' And with that, he walked away at a stunned Crabbe and Goyle who hadn't known about Draco going solo until just then.
'He is gonna be a star.' Rita said to herself.
'That's what they said about me, until I got into drugs and partying!' Harry said. 'Now look at me!'
Rita looked at him. 'You never did any of that!' she laughed and Harry sighed.
'Do you want tickets to my book signing?' he asked. 'I've started writing books about my life, one for each year at Hogwarts. I am still writing this year, obviously, but if you buy the first four, I will sign them for free!'
'I am not going to spend money on your stupid books! I am a level five Arkantos in the AGRS (Ancient Greek Re-Creation Society)! Two hundred more boxes of Gree-chocolate sold, and I get to move up to level one Heracles!'
'Oh.' Harry dejectedly walked away to his next class- that's right! POTIONS!
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A/N: Review! Review! And anyone wanting to join the AGRS are to send their application via REVIEW!
Now! Presenting! Because of not so popular demand! The lyrics to: The Day My Pickle Died
The Day My Pickle Died
Raisins, cucumbers
My pickle
Was oh so
Very special
We went to the park
in the dark
and played tag
My pickle
Was oh so
Very special
He cheered me up
When I was blue
There was nothing
He wouldn't do
But one day,
He started to turn old
And there was no escaping it
He was growing mold
So before he disintegrated
I said goodbye
And that my friends
Is the day my pickle died
My pickle
Was oh so
Very special
To me he was
Always true
There was nothing
He wouldn't do
But one day,
He started to turn old
And there was no escaping it
He was growing mold
So before he disintegrated
I said goodbye
And that my friends
Is the day my pickle died
Author's Note: Yes! After many an age this story is finally being updated! *Waves to the empty crowd* Review please and make me happy! And thank you to all those kind people who have already reviewed!
Miyako Inoue, Queen of Cheese (You are my hero! I am so, SO, SOOOO GLAD that you liked my story [and that you reviewed every single chapter! You deserve a medal or something!] your stories are GREAT! Keep writing!), Azaelian (glad you like it!), Pixsaro (how is Yam??), Carlee (nah hah hah!), Sweetkaiser (or should I say, house of?!?), Celenathil-the-Elf (my other hero! Thank you so much for reading my story! I love your stories!), The Evil One, KAOS, The Dark Elfy Chick (now, you can slowly back away), Izaayous, Harry Potter Chik, Sue, The Order of the Broken Toe, , Richal, Deity, and chickens. Thanks again!
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Chapter Nine: The Ancient Greek Re Creation Society, and Lita Sneeter
'Beer, beer, beer, bubba bubba beer beer beer beer bubba- Every time we gather-'
'Richie, you are starting to get on my nerves!' Gilderoy said, grinding his teeth.
Snape sighed. 'Are we there yet? My teeth are cold!'
Gilderoy growled and hit Snape in the back of the head, and an ice- cube flew out of his mouth.
'Ahh, that's better. Betterer. Butter.' Snape started to talk about the lawn fertilizer market and Gilderoy ignored him.
Snape pulled out his oldies radio and tuned the channels. 'May day! May day! We have seen a UFO! May day! Maaaay day!' Gilderoy stared at him. The radio crackled.
'And now, all the way from Britain, we have The Brostellas and their new single, Gotta Go!' the radio make some strange noises and Snape gasped as he heard Pansy's expert guitar playing start up, along with Crabbe and Goyle's instruments.
'Sitting in the room again
Teacher is blah blah blahing again
"Teach I gotta go!"
My teachers you see,
They're all a bit slow.'
Snape laughed. 'They sure are!' he said, and tried to tap-dance, but slipped on the ice and fell into the snow.
Gilderoy let out a bellow and started to attack Snape. They did the fightey thing, and eventually they rolled off of a cliff. Once they fell to the bottom of the cliff, unharmed, they met a girl there. Behind her was a laptop with a Digimon-portal-thing((no, I do not like Digimon! *runs away crying*)).
'Hello!' she said, running over to them. She stared at Snape with his new facial hair. 'Why, aren't you spiffy? I'm Hermione Farmer! I-'
Snape pushed her out of the way and he and Gilderoy started to run for the portal, anxious to be released from the snowy wasteland. Hermione ran after them. 'Noo! Wait! You have no idea what its like to be out here alone, and Harry is fat! Come back! Come baaack!' but she was too late. Snape and Gilderoy had already jumped into the mystic portal of nortany. Hermione fell to her knees, sobbing. Then she started to laugh, and laugh. She threw her head back in a full "character-who-just-realized-that-they-are-evil" maniacal laugh.
When Snape woke up he found that there was something heavy crushing him. He gasped for air and the pressure lifted. 'Ah! I thought you were a bench!' he heard a familiar voice cry out. He opened his eyes to see something that looked like a watermelon wearing Harry's glasses.
Snape stood up and gasped. 'Ron transfigured Harry into a watermelon didn't he?! Oh, I knew that boy was trouble the first time I laid eyes on him! He'll pay! He'll pay!' Snape fell to the ground and started to sob. Harry patted him on the shoulder awkwardly.
'There, there.'
'Gildy? Where's Gildy?' Snape asked wearily. Gilderoy walked over, his face covered in paper machée.
'Over here Richie!' he said. 'Fancy that portal taking us straight to Hogwarts!'
Snape thought for a moment. 'Hmm. yes, fancy that!' he stood up and fell over, and stood up again. 'We have to go see Dumbledore!' he said and they ran off. Harry watched them go, and then shrugged and tried to sit on a different bench.
'Hey!' Ron cried out in dismay.
'Shh, benches don't talk.' Harry said, taking advantage of his insane friend. Ron nodded and stopped talking.
Snape and Gilderoy walked into the school and tried to ignore the accusing stares of the other students and teachers.
'You stole my Beyblade!' Neville whined. Snape blushed.
'Did not!' they started to walk faster.
'You broke my quill in second year!' Professor Trelawny screeched. Snape shook his head and covered his ears.
'Lies! Lies! They're all lies!' he said and ran the rest of the way to Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore was sitting on his desk in a toga, reading a Readers Digest with a sticky pile of Lemon Drops beside him. When they walked in, he looked up, and his eyes were kinda spirally.
'Hello children. What can I do for you todaaaay?' he said and fell over, his face right into the pile of candies.
Snape fell to his knees. 'NOO! NOT DUMBLEDORE!!' he cried out. Dumbledore sat up and started to predict the future.
'One o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock rock!!' Dumbledore screamed. Snape and Gilderoy ran out of the room, right into Ron who was wearing a toga as well (with those leaf things behind his ears).
'Outta my way, Snapey-boy!' Ron said, trying to push Snape aside to get into Dumbledore's office. 'I'm late for my Ancient Greek Re- Creation Society!'
Draco came running up wearing a toga and sandals too, holding a bag of sacrificial lemon drops. 'Did I miss the anthem!?' he asked anxiously. Ron smiled at him.
'No, I think Snapey-boy here wants to join though!'
Draco smiled evilly and stared at Snape, Gilderoy completely forgotten at the moment. 'That means it's time for INITIATION!!'
They giggled and brought Snape into Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore had stopped singing.
'Now, we have a matter to address.' He said seriously. 'Mr Malfoy is not selling enough Gree-Chocolate! You _know_ how I feel about slackers!' Apparently, the club had to sell chocolate to raise money for togas.
Draco crossed his arms across his chest. 'Well if RON,' he glared at Ron, 'would stop stealing all my customers! I don't think that it was out of curtsey for his superiors that he sold his to _all_ of the Slytherins first!'
Ron turned red. 'Well, they were having that "250 Years of Evil" convention and I couldn't pass up the chance!' he said.
Dumbledore slammed his fist down onto the table. 'That's enough out of you two! You'll settle this on your own time, and NOT by method of chocolate throwing!! In other news, we have a new member. Professor Snape has returned to us with a new look! Welcome back Snapey-boy, and I hope you don't find our method of initiation too- ' he giggled'-hazing!' When no one laughed, he brought a long iron rod out of his desk and held it into the fire for a few minutes. Draco and Ron lifted up Snape's shirt sleeve and before he could do anything, Dumbledore branded him right over his Deatheater Mark. He screamed in agony.
'You fools! You've summoned him!!' he yelled. Dumbledore laughed.
'No we haven't!'
SUDDENLY out of the darkness came Voldie, wearing a toga. 'I would like to be made an honorary member.' He said. Dumbledore branded him too. They all danced around like idiots and Snape took the chance to sit down on the couch. Voldie sat down next to him.
'Hey, um, no hard feelings about the, uh, me trying to kill you bit?' he asked hopefully.
Snape shook his head wearily. 'None whatsoever.' He said.
After the party, Snape went back to his room. Sometime during the club meeting, Gilderoy had run way to be raised by the wolves.
'I guess things are back to normal.' He said to himself slowly. Then he remembered the Ancient Greek Re-Creation Society, and how it would soon take over the whole school. 'Not to mention that we haven't seen the last of Hermione Farmer.' He then fell into an uneasy sleep.
The next day, half the school was wearing togas over their robes, which looked very strange. Snape took his teaching position back from Sirius, who told him his new hair was "real groovy". He hired Gilderoy as his assistant for the time, until they were no longer wanted at St Mungo's.
The next day, Rita Skeeter came to town, disguised as a nosey reporter named Lita Sneeter. Nobody suspected a thing because she had dyed her hair bright pink. And because she changed her name.
In order to get the latest scoop on her secret admiree, Harry Potter, she pretended to be a fifteen year-old girl who had transferred from America (aren't we sick of these people?). Dumbledore had eaten way too many lemon drops and let her go into Gryffindor without question. She found Harry on the third floor corridor being rolled about by Draco and his cronies.
'Hmm.' she said to herself. 'It seems that Harry has gone incognito too. Well, I can see right through the act!' she ran over to them, waving her hands about in the air. 'Boys! Boys! Stop it!' she said, pulling Draco away. Then she stopped, realizing who he was.
'My, my, Harry Potter will have to wait! Can I have an interview, Mr Malfoy?' she asked.
Draco bowed, taking off his top-hat. 'Soitenly!' he said, being a total gentleman. Then he looked at Rita (Lita). 'Er, do I know you?' he asked.
She shrugged. 'Have you ever met Lita Sneeter?' she asked, seemingly answering his question.
He shook his head. 'I guess not. But you do remind me of someone a lot older than fifteen.'
Rita bit her tongue. 'Why, thank you. I dearly love compliments on my appearance.' She grunted.
Draco, with a smile, said. 'You're welcome.'
'WAHHH!!' Harry was crying again. That darned Burrito-eater was stealing his fame! 'Look at me!! I'm Harry Potter, the boy who lived!!' he whined pathetically.
Draco smirked. 'More like, the boy who binged!' he said, and laughed harshly. Ignoring the hurt look on Harry's face, Rita/Lita started to laugh as well.
'Charming, handsome, talented, AND funny! Our readers- I mean, I will have so much fun talking to you!' she said, saving her mistake.
'Well you should! I have a PhD in socialness, and a Masters in humour at others' expense!' he said.
'Ooh!' Rita said, impressed at Draco's fake degrees.
He handed her two pieces of paper. 'Here are two tickets to my first solo concert. I felt like I was being suffocated by the band and needed to break off. Front seats!' And with that, he walked away at a stunned Crabbe and Goyle who hadn't known about Draco going solo until just then.
'He is gonna be a star.' Rita said to herself.
'That's what they said about me, until I got into drugs and partying!' Harry said. 'Now look at me!'
Rita looked at him. 'You never did any of that!' she laughed and Harry sighed.
'Do you want tickets to my book signing?' he asked. 'I've started writing books about my life, one for each year at Hogwarts. I am still writing this year, obviously, but if you buy the first four, I will sign them for free!'
'I am not going to spend money on your stupid books! I am a level five Arkantos in the AGRS (Ancient Greek Re-Creation Society)! Two hundred more boxes of Gree-chocolate sold, and I get to move up to level one Heracles!'
'Oh.' Harry dejectedly walked away to his next class- that's right! POTIONS!
-------
A/N: Review! Review! And anyone wanting to join the AGRS are to send their application via REVIEW!
Now! Presenting! Because of not so popular demand! The lyrics to: The Day My Pickle Died
The Day My Pickle Died
Raisins, cucumbers
My pickle
Was oh so
Very special
We went to the park
in the dark
and played tag
My pickle
Was oh so
Very special
He cheered me up
When I was blue
There was nothing
He wouldn't do
But one day,
He started to turn old
And there was no escaping it
He was growing mold
So before he disintegrated
I said goodbye
And that my friends
Is the day my pickle died
My pickle
Was oh so
Very special
To me he was
Always true
There was nothing
He wouldn't do
But one day,
He started to turn old
And there was no escaping it
He was growing mold
So before he disintegrated
I said goodbye
And that my friends
Is the day my pickle died