Mulch searched the whole shuttle for an exit, and found nothing. He
did find some solar powered grenades however. He quickly held them up to
the window before shoving them into a small crack he found in the back left
of the shuttle, that a magma flare had made.
"Sorry Holly," Mulch said as he pressed the button. The chrome walls bent up into the air, crushing pressure tubes, and air vents. Mulch wiped some ashes off his face before gathering up the solar power grenades; they were resalable. Artemis told him to stay quite for a few years, but he couldn't wait. He was going to him now. He held up the coin necklace/disk up to the sky before digging into the ground.
Holly came back to her shuttle to find it completely disheveled. She had to take a tour bus back, and learn about all the 928383 different kinds of rocks that find themselves in the tunnels, not to mention the 3353 different kinds of magma, and how to say "magma" in 223 different languages.
* * *
Holly through her wings into a wing chute on the wall. The closed up wings would slide down the chute into the laboratory. She then quickly ran to Commander Root with her helmet and metallic green jumpsuit still on. When Holly walked into Commander Root's office, he was on the phone the blood vessel on his neck threatening to explode.
"Look I don't care what you have to do, just do it!" Commander Root yelled into the phone before hanging up. "Please say you have good news." Root sighed, as he took a faire aspirin.
"Depends." Holly said unsurely. "Who was that on the phone?"
"Sergeant Lyliad. Unfortunately, the B'wa Kell escaped from Howlers peak."
"What! How?" Holly said as she sat down in a chair and sighed.
"Well somehow they got inside help, and with that help they overpowered the guards and escaped."
"Well that's just great." Holly said sarcastically, a technique he picked up from Foaly.
"What'd you learn about Artemis and Alchemy?" Root said changing the subject.
"Four hours worth. Basically, Artemis hasn't figured out how to change lead into gold, but he figured out more than we have in decades."
"Alright I'll tell the council. You meanwhile bring the recording to Foaly and see what says."
"Alright." Holly said as she stood up and walked out the door.
When Holly reached the laboratories Foaly put the recording and video footage on the large screen. The recording showed what Artemis had learned, and how his experiments have gone so far.
"So what do you make of it?" Holly asked.
"Well, he's sure gone farther than we have. He had great techniques in using technology for alchemy. I'm guessing that with a little bit of magic, and some of our faire technology we can finally break the secret of Alchemy."
"So are we going to rebuild the scale?"
"The what? Ooh the glass Alchemy scale. Well, yeah I guess so. I'd like to have Artemis's model however. So I will know what to do."
"I'm guessing you want me to retrieve it."
"You're the only one with permission into the manor." Foaly said with a shrug.
"Shall I get in a shuttle?" Holly asked.
"Yes, I'll buzz Julius so he can give you permission." Foaly retorted as he voice activated a buzz to Commander Root. Holly sat down on a hover chair while the two waiting for the commander. Foaly and Holly discussed the Howler's peak breakout.
"So how do you expect we round them up?" Foaly said as he opened a sack of carrots.
"That's the easy part. All we have to do is put up a sign that says 'Free Goblin Grub,' then we just shoot them with soft noses." Foaly chuckled at Holly's statement, but the truth was that it was true. Root suddenly walked into the room.
"I wish you got the scale when you were there," Root sighed. "Two shuttle trips in one day are not cheap, you know."
"I know." Holly said as she frowned.
"We will also have to return the scale. Otherwise we'd be breaking the rules of the book."
"Got it." Holly said before Root instructed her to take a shuttle to the surface for the second time in four hours. She strapped herself in and rocketed off decided to break the speed record, in getting to Tara.
When she reached Fowl manor, she mesmerized Artemis from behind her so he never actually saw her, so she wouldn't have to mind wipe him.
"Let me borrow that scale," Holly said using the mesmer. "But don't turn around." Artemis picked up the glass Alchemy scale and passed it behind his back. "Good mudman. Now forget what just happened, and for the next couple of hours, do a jigsaw puzzle and by the time you're done, I'll have your little glass thingy back. Aurevoir." Holly said as she darted out the window, still shielded.
"Artemis," Butler said as he walked into the room seeing Artemis sprawled on the floor putting together a puzzle of the Monelisia. "What on earth are you doing?"
"A puzzle, wanna help?" Artemis said under the influence of the mesmer.
"Um. I'm going to go get you an Aspirin." Butler said as he ran out of the room. Mulch meanwhile sat outside the window, waiting for his moment to approach his new criminal partner.
Haven.
"Here you go Foaly," Holly said once she reached the laboratories.
"Thanks. I'm going to rebuild this - more scientifically of course - then I will begin to improve one it."
"I'm going to go soak in a large bath, with beetle salts. It's been a long day." Holly said as she went out of the room.
Fowl Manor.
Artemis sat sprawled over his jigsaw puzzle, almost halfway done. Mulch couldn't take it much longer, he threw a stone at the window getting Artemis's attention. Artemis walked over to the window and stared at the small blue hairy little creature, that was waving its' arms in the air, holding some small little coin.
"What the heck?" Artemis said as he stared at the coin. It seemed familiar to him for some reason.
"C'mon don't make me dig my way in!" Mulch complained as he applied some more sun lotion on.
"Diggums," Artemis sighed as everything came back to him for the second time. Artemis quickly scrambled to open the window and let Mulch climb in, and the mesmer quickly went away for Artemis's brain was being hit with so much memory, Holly's mesmer couldn't hold.
"Finally," Mulch sighed as he wiped some excess sun lotion on his arm, into the garbage can. "I was ready to fry out there."
"." Artemis tried to say something, but the memories were coming back to him so fast he was getting a headache.
"Anyway I say Holly mesmerize you. You should have gotten your mirrored glasses. Anyway why did she come in the first place?"
"Alchemy," Artemis said as he remembered when Holly came just a few minutes ago and stole his scale. "I made an invention, and, and, she just took it."
"Don't worry she'll give it back, otherwise she'd be breaking the book." Mulch said.
"Well when she comes back with it I'm, taking away her initiation to my manor." Artemis said as he cleaned up his puzzle.
"You'd better." Mulch said as he poured a glass of water from the desk onto his dry arm, spilling water all over the floor. "So alchemy huh? That's impressive, how'd you do it?"
"I honestly don't know myself." Artemis admitted. "And I never actually completed alchemy, but I sure am close. I'm going to look for a partner on the Internet."
"Have fun," Mulch said sarcastically as he licked his tombstone like teeth.
"I'll need Butler in here, so we can strategize a way to get the People of out backs." Artemis pressed the intercom button for the manor. "Butler, or shall I say Domovoi, I need you up here immediately." Artemis heard footsteps quickly running up the stairs.
"Artemis," Butler panted as he ran into the room; he had run from one side of the manor to the other in just minutes. "My name. How do you know it?"
"Ah Domovoi," Artemis chuckled. "I'd like you to meet our little visitor." Mulch jumped out of his seat and held out his hand.
"Nice ta see you again," Mulch said. Butlers gray eyes suddenly opened as wide as possible. He fell back into a chair as all his old memories came back to him. "Neutrino 2000." Butler muttered to himself as he remembered Holly's weapons.
"Enough Flashbacks Butler," Artemis snapped. "Holly took my scale and she'll be back in an hour to return it. In the meantime I need you to put on your 'reading glasses' and scout the property. If you see and of the People, you know what to do." Butler nodded, remembering his reading glass that enables him to see fairies even if they're shielded. Butler left the room to strap some weapons onto his holster. Even though he was in no shape to physically harm the fairies, he could still shoot them better than any mudman.
"Mulch hand me the disk," Artemis asked the dwarf, who was chewing on his antique bookcase. Mulch quickly handed Artemis the mini disk that was connected to the gold coin. Artemis placed the coin next to him and quickly finished his Internet help. He posted a message asking for help of an alchemist, or anybody who is well known with alchemy. The tryouts for Artemis's alchemist assistant would be tomorrow. After he x-ed off AOL 9.0 he put in the disk and began reading his old memories involving fairies.
Haven.
"Ta-da!" Foaly said as he placed his newest invention on Root's desk. It looked fairly like Artemis's glass scale, only more portable and sophisticated. Instead of having a jumble of wires running all around it, it was just the crystal scale, with a power surge in the base, and all the other computer chips and technology that helped inside with it.
"Well does it work?" Root asked as he put Howlers peak on hold.
"Does it work," Foaly mimicked, as he placed a gold coin on one side of the scale, and another lead disk on the other. He made sure they were even weight before flicking the on switch. The glass began to shine light rays in every direction as the gold coin and lead switched. "So," Foaly said with a smile as he showed the product to Root. "What do you think?"
"I think it's pointless." Root said as he through the two coins into the air. "All you've done is switched the two matters. Like that'll really helps us."
"It will! This is the farthest anybody's ever gone on alchemy. Its actually rather genius. The glass will have the power run through itself not letting any of it escape, and the scale makes-"
"I don't care! Make it work, or the Council 'ill cut your salary." Root said as he beckoned Foaly to leave, before ordering some members of the LEP to gather up the B'wa Kell.
The Auditions.
Artemis sat at a metal table covered with a royal blue tablecloth, near the gate entrance to Foal Manor. There was a line of people of all shapes, and sizes going on for what seemed like miles. Everybody wanted to be the assistant of the Artemis Fowl II. An Indian man with an orange tunic was fist in line.
"Hello," Artemis said to the man, sitting between Butler and Mulch who was in disguise.
"Hello, I am Chicken-Taraockie." The man said as he sat in a plastic chair.
"Hello, Chicken-Tarockie," Artemis said a little uneasy. "So what do you know of the art of alchemy?"
"It's when you turn lead into gold."
"Do you know anything else?"
"Nope." Chicken-Tarockie said after a moment of thought.
"Next!"
"Hello, I am Jamie Martin," Said Jamie, a short man with hair so short he was almost bald.
"Hello Jamie, what do you know about the art of Alchemy?" Artemis asked. Jamie began telling loads of facts about alchemy; Artemis didn't even know some. "Impressive," Artemis said cutting Jamie off. "So I have another question. Do you believe in ghosts or aliens?"
"No of course not," Jamie laughed. "I'm not a physco."
"What about elves or pixies, or centaurs?"
"You're a funny one." Jamie laughed, almost choking on his own tongue.
"What about dwarfs?" Artemis asked grinding his teeth.
"That's even more ludicrous!" Jamie laughed, as Artemis was tempted to pull Mulch's coat off and prove this Mr. Martin wrong.
"NEXT!"
"Name," Butler asked the next person who was a frail old woman with many cloaks and shawls.
"Madame Zarphia."
"Occupation?"
"A professional alchemist."
"Really? Well give us a demonstration."
'Okay," Madame Zarphia said as she stood up. "See this lead pipe in my hand?" The woman said as she held up what looked like a pipe taken of a toilet. "Watch it closely, as it changes. Ooh. LOOK A BIRDY!" The woman said pointing behind Butler, who continued to stare at the so-called alchemist. She quickly dropped the pipe behind her and held up a gold pipe. "Ooh magic!" The woman cackled thinking that the three people in front of her missed her switch of the lead and gold.
"First of all," Artemis said as he walked over to Madame Zarphia. "You dropped the nickel, not lead, pipe behind you, and second," he said grabbing the gold pipe. "This is a toilet paper roll spray painted gold!"
"So did I get the job?"
"NEXT!"
"Name," Butler said looking as young as ever, to the next person in line.
"I am Tyron Shoelace," Tyron said.
"So what do you know about alchemy?" Butler asked as Artemis read over the profiles of the other people in line.
"Alchemy?" Tyron said confused. "Why would I have to know about that? This is the tryout for the football team ain't it?"
"NEXT!"
"Name?" Mulch asked under his long brown coat and hat.
"Stu Pidassol." The old man with a cane said.
"And how come you think you'd be right for this job?"
"Because I can do this," the old man said as he reached into his mouth a pulled out a pair of fake teeth. "Ter-der!" The man said trying to say "ta-da."
"NEXT!"
"I can't believe it," Artemis said as he flipped through pages on a clipboard after all the applicants left. "291 applicants and not one is even the slightest qualified for the job." A young girl who was about four feet tall walked up to table.
"Is this where you want somebody who knows about Alchemy?" The girl said.
"Yes is your mommy trying out?" Artemis asked.
"No!" The girl snapped. "I'm trying out."
"But you're not old enough, you look about eight. Am I right?"
"First of all I am fifteen, and second of all I know more about Alchemy than you ever will!" The girl snapped. Artemis took a good look at her. Even though she was uncommonly short she did have the right features of a fifteen year old. She had a giant smile filled with sparkling white teeth, sharp cheeks, emerald green eyes, freckles around her nose, and she had orange curly hair down to just below her shoulders. Then the girl put her hair behind her ear, and Artemis almost gasped. Her ears were pointy and a little longer than usual.
"Are you staring at my ears?" The girl said hotly as she put her hands to her ears. "They're not deformed, okay!? They're just."
"Don't pull your hair out I believe you." Artemis said in a soothing voice. "So on other notes, what do you know about Alchemy?"
"I know that my grandmother was an alchemist, and that I have her journals in my room."
"So when would you like to start?" Artemis asked with a grin on his face, which was happening more often lately.
"I'm hired?"
"Of course. Bring you're grandmothers journals here tomorrow at nine."
"Alright. My names Isabel, by the way. Isabel Leonassa." Isabel said as she skipped out of the manors gates.
"Why'd you hire her?" Mulch said with a cigar in his mouth. He tended to like human cigars more than the Peoples moss cigars.
"Yes," Butler agreed. "She doesn't seem that capable, such a young woman. She could also be lying about her grandmother."
"She's not lying because her grandmother was an elf. And she is ΒΌ faire." Artemis declared.
"." Mulch's jaw dropped.
"." Butlers jaw dropped. They were speechless.
Wrestle Mania, United States of America.
"And her comes the Jade princess!" An announcer called into a microphone, as Juliet, as the Jade Princess, ran into the ring wearing a tight teal leather top, and short shorts. She ran into the ring and held her braid into the air, which was held together by the jade hair tie.
"And she will be challenging, the goblin myriad!" The announcer called as a bang of four short men, came out their body covered in green spandex, and their face hidden by green masks. "Let the battle begin!" The announcer said as he rung a large brass bell. Juliet was used to challenging more than one man. She was kicked out of the woman's league for breaking wrestlers bones. Well actually five of her bones, so she was now wrestling men and because she was so good she wrestled multiple men. She quickly spun around having her jade hair ring smack a goblin in the face, cracking the mask. She then jumped up and, using both feet, kicked each wrestler in the chest having them fly back a few feet.
"Pity," Juliet said as she flung a goblin around her shoulder. "I was looking forward to a challenge." She picked up the two remaining goblins and clonked their heads together, when the third jumped onto her back.
"Goodnight mudgirl," the goblin said as he injected a sleeping injection into her neck. "The B'wa Kell want to have a word with you."
"Oh my," Juliet gasped, realizing what was happening, and remembering her past.
"And the goblin myriad, is doing their victory dance around the stadium while carrying the loser, the Jade ring!" The announcer called. "Wait? Where are they going? Oh no, they're taking her out the door. COME BACK!" The announcer said more to himself than to the crowd.
"Sorry Holly," Mulch said as he pressed the button. The chrome walls bent up into the air, crushing pressure tubes, and air vents. Mulch wiped some ashes off his face before gathering up the solar power grenades; they were resalable. Artemis told him to stay quite for a few years, but he couldn't wait. He was going to him now. He held up the coin necklace/disk up to the sky before digging into the ground.
Holly came back to her shuttle to find it completely disheveled. She had to take a tour bus back, and learn about all the 928383 different kinds of rocks that find themselves in the tunnels, not to mention the 3353 different kinds of magma, and how to say "magma" in 223 different languages.
* * *
Holly through her wings into a wing chute on the wall. The closed up wings would slide down the chute into the laboratory. She then quickly ran to Commander Root with her helmet and metallic green jumpsuit still on. When Holly walked into Commander Root's office, he was on the phone the blood vessel on his neck threatening to explode.
"Look I don't care what you have to do, just do it!" Commander Root yelled into the phone before hanging up. "Please say you have good news." Root sighed, as he took a faire aspirin.
"Depends." Holly said unsurely. "Who was that on the phone?"
"Sergeant Lyliad. Unfortunately, the B'wa Kell escaped from Howlers peak."
"What! How?" Holly said as she sat down in a chair and sighed.
"Well somehow they got inside help, and with that help they overpowered the guards and escaped."
"Well that's just great." Holly said sarcastically, a technique he picked up from Foaly.
"What'd you learn about Artemis and Alchemy?" Root said changing the subject.
"Four hours worth. Basically, Artemis hasn't figured out how to change lead into gold, but he figured out more than we have in decades."
"Alright I'll tell the council. You meanwhile bring the recording to Foaly and see what says."
"Alright." Holly said as she stood up and walked out the door.
When Holly reached the laboratories Foaly put the recording and video footage on the large screen. The recording showed what Artemis had learned, and how his experiments have gone so far.
"So what do you make of it?" Holly asked.
"Well, he's sure gone farther than we have. He had great techniques in using technology for alchemy. I'm guessing that with a little bit of magic, and some of our faire technology we can finally break the secret of Alchemy."
"So are we going to rebuild the scale?"
"The what? Ooh the glass Alchemy scale. Well, yeah I guess so. I'd like to have Artemis's model however. So I will know what to do."
"I'm guessing you want me to retrieve it."
"You're the only one with permission into the manor." Foaly said with a shrug.
"Shall I get in a shuttle?" Holly asked.
"Yes, I'll buzz Julius so he can give you permission." Foaly retorted as he voice activated a buzz to Commander Root. Holly sat down on a hover chair while the two waiting for the commander. Foaly and Holly discussed the Howler's peak breakout.
"So how do you expect we round them up?" Foaly said as he opened a sack of carrots.
"That's the easy part. All we have to do is put up a sign that says 'Free Goblin Grub,' then we just shoot them with soft noses." Foaly chuckled at Holly's statement, but the truth was that it was true. Root suddenly walked into the room.
"I wish you got the scale when you were there," Root sighed. "Two shuttle trips in one day are not cheap, you know."
"I know." Holly said as she frowned.
"We will also have to return the scale. Otherwise we'd be breaking the rules of the book."
"Got it." Holly said before Root instructed her to take a shuttle to the surface for the second time in four hours. She strapped herself in and rocketed off decided to break the speed record, in getting to Tara.
When she reached Fowl manor, she mesmerized Artemis from behind her so he never actually saw her, so she wouldn't have to mind wipe him.
"Let me borrow that scale," Holly said using the mesmer. "But don't turn around." Artemis picked up the glass Alchemy scale and passed it behind his back. "Good mudman. Now forget what just happened, and for the next couple of hours, do a jigsaw puzzle and by the time you're done, I'll have your little glass thingy back. Aurevoir." Holly said as she darted out the window, still shielded.
"Artemis," Butler said as he walked into the room seeing Artemis sprawled on the floor putting together a puzzle of the Monelisia. "What on earth are you doing?"
"A puzzle, wanna help?" Artemis said under the influence of the mesmer.
"Um. I'm going to go get you an Aspirin." Butler said as he ran out of the room. Mulch meanwhile sat outside the window, waiting for his moment to approach his new criminal partner.
Haven.
"Here you go Foaly," Holly said once she reached the laboratories.
"Thanks. I'm going to rebuild this - more scientifically of course - then I will begin to improve one it."
"I'm going to go soak in a large bath, with beetle salts. It's been a long day." Holly said as she went out of the room.
Fowl Manor.
Artemis sat sprawled over his jigsaw puzzle, almost halfway done. Mulch couldn't take it much longer, he threw a stone at the window getting Artemis's attention. Artemis walked over to the window and stared at the small blue hairy little creature, that was waving its' arms in the air, holding some small little coin.
"What the heck?" Artemis said as he stared at the coin. It seemed familiar to him for some reason.
"C'mon don't make me dig my way in!" Mulch complained as he applied some more sun lotion on.
"Diggums," Artemis sighed as everything came back to him for the second time. Artemis quickly scrambled to open the window and let Mulch climb in, and the mesmer quickly went away for Artemis's brain was being hit with so much memory, Holly's mesmer couldn't hold.
"Finally," Mulch sighed as he wiped some excess sun lotion on his arm, into the garbage can. "I was ready to fry out there."
"." Artemis tried to say something, but the memories were coming back to him so fast he was getting a headache.
"Anyway I say Holly mesmerize you. You should have gotten your mirrored glasses. Anyway why did she come in the first place?"
"Alchemy," Artemis said as he remembered when Holly came just a few minutes ago and stole his scale. "I made an invention, and, and, she just took it."
"Don't worry she'll give it back, otherwise she'd be breaking the book." Mulch said.
"Well when she comes back with it I'm, taking away her initiation to my manor." Artemis said as he cleaned up his puzzle.
"You'd better." Mulch said as he poured a glass of water from the desk onto his dry arm, spilling water all over the floor. "So alchemy huh? That's impressive, how'd you do it?"
"I honestly don't know myself." Artemis admitted. "And I never actually completed alchemy, but I sure am close. I'm going to look for a partner on the Internet."
"Have fun," Mulch said sarcastically as he licked his tombstone like teeth.
"I'll need Butler in here, so we can strategize a way to get the People of out backs." Artemis pressed the intercom button for the manor. "Butler, or shall I say Domovoi, I need you up here immediately." Artemis heard footsteps quickly running up the stairs.
"Artemis," Butler panted as he ran into the room; he had run from one side of the manor to the other in just minutes. "My name. How do you know it?"
"Ah Domovoi," Artemis chuckled. "I'd like you to meet our little visitor." Mulch jumped out of his seat and held out his hand.
"Nice ta see you again," Mulch said. Butlers gray eyes suddenly opened as wide as possible. He fell back into a chair as all his old memories came back to him. "Neutrino 2000." Butler muttered to himself as he remembered Holly's weapons.
"Enough Flashbacks Butler," Artemis snapped. "Holly took my scale and she'll be back in an hour to return it. In the meantime I need you to put on your 'reading glasses' and scout the property. If you see and of the People, you know what to do." Butler nodded, remembering his reading glass that enables him to see fairies even if they're shielded. Butler left the room to strap some weapons onto his holster. Even though he was in no shape to physically harm the fairies, he could still shoot them better than any mudman.
"Mulch hand me the disk," Artemis asked the dwarf, who was chewing on his antique bookcase. Mulch quickly handed Artemis the mini disk that was connected to the gold coin. Artemis placed the coin next to him and quickly finished his Internet help. He posted a message asking for help of an alchemist, or anybody who is well known with alchemy. The tryouts for Artemis's alchemist assistant would be tomorrow. After he x-ed off AOL 9.0 he put in the disk and began reading his old memories involving fairies.
Haven.
"Ta-da!" Foaly said as he placed his newest invention on Root's desk. It looked fairly like Artemis's glass scale, only more portable and sophisticated. Instead of having a jumble of wires running all around it, it was just the crystal scale, with a power surge in the base, and all the other computer chips and technology that helped inside with it.
"Well does it work?" Root asked as he put Howlers peak on hold.
"Does it work," Foaly mimicked, as he placed a gold coin on one side of the scale, and another lead disk on the other. He made sure they were even weight before flicking the on switch. The glass began to shine light rays in every direction as the gold coin and lead switched. "So," Foaly said with a smile as he showed the product to Root. "What do you think?"
"I think it's pointless." Root said as he through the two coins into the air. "All you've done is switched the two matters. Like that'll really helps us."
"It will! This is the farthest anybody's ever gone on alchemy. Its actually rather genius. The glass will have the power run through itself not letting any of it escape, and the scale makes-"
"I don't care! Make it work, or the Council 'ill cut your salary." Root said as he beckoned Foaly to leave, before ordering some members of the LEP to gather up the B'wa Kell.
The Auditions.
Artemis sat at a metal table covered with a royal blue tablecloth, near the gate entrance to Foal Manor. There was a line of people of all shapes, and sizes going on for what seemed like miles. Everybody wanted to be the assistant of the Artemis Fowl II. An Indian man with an orange tunic was fist in line.
"Hello," Artemis said to the man, sitting between Butler and Mulch who was in disguise.
"Hello, I am Chicken-Taraockie." The man said as he sat in a plastic chair.
"Hello, Chicken-Tarockie," Artemis said a little uneasy. "So what do you know of the art of alchemy?"
"It's when you turn lead into gold."
"Do you know anything else?"
"Nope." Chicken-Tarockie said after a moment of thought.
"Next!"
"Hello, I am Jamie Martin," Said Jamie, a short man with hair so short he was almost bald.
"Hello Jamie, what do you know about the art of Alchemy?" Artemis asked. Jamie began telling loads of facts about alchemy; Artemis didn't even know some. "Impressive," Artemis said cutting Jamie off. "So I have another question. Do you believe in ghosts or aliens?"
"No of course not," Jamie laughed. "I'm not a physco."
"What about elves or pixies, or centaurs?"
"You're a funny one." Jamie laughed, almost choking on his own tongue.
"What about dwarfs?" Artemis asked grinding his teeth.
"That's even more ludicrous!" Jamie laughed, as Artemis was tempted to pull Mulch's coat off and prove this Mr. Martin wrong.
"NEXT!"
"Name," Butler asked the next person who was a frail old woman with many cloaks and shawls.
"Madame Zarphia."
"Occupation?"
"A professional alchemist."
"Really? Well give us a demonstration."
'Okay," Madame Zarphia said as she stood up. "See this lead pipe in my hand?" The woman said as she held up what looked like a pipe taken of a toilet. "Watch it closely, as it changes. Ooh. LOOK A BIRDY!" The woman said pointing behind Butler, who continued to stare at the so-called alchemist. She quickly dropped the pipe behind her and held up a gold pipe. "Ooh magic!" The woman cackled thinking that the three people in front of her missed her switch of the lead and gold.
"First of all," Artemis said as he walked over to Madame Zarphia. "You dropped the nickel, not lead, pipe behind you, and second," he said grabbing the gold pipe. "This is a toilet paper roll spray painted gold!"
"So did I get the job?"
"NEXT!"
"Name," Butler said looking as young as ever, to the next person in line.
"I am Tyron Shoelace," Tyron said.
"So what do you know about alchemy?" Butler asked as Artemis read over the profiles of the other people in line.
"Alchemy?" Tyron said confused. "Why would I have to know about that? This is the tryout for the football team ain't it?"
"NEXT!"
"Name?" Mulch asked under his long brown coat and hat.
"Stu Pidassol." The old man with a cane said.
"And how come you think you'd be right for this job?"
"Because I can do this," the old man said as he reached into his mouth a pulled out a pair of fake teeth. "Ter-der!" The man said trying to say "ta-da."
"NEXT!"
"I can't believe it," Artemis said as he flipped through pages on a clipboard after all the applicants left. "291 applicants and not one is even the slightest qualified for the job." A young girl who was about four feet tall walked up to table.
"Is this where you want somebody who knows about Alchemy?" The girl said.
"Yes is your mommy trying out?" Artemis asked.
"No!" The girl snapped. "I'm trying out."
"But you're not old enough, you look about eight. Am I right?"
"First of all I am fifteen, and second of all I know more about Alchemy than you ever will!" The girl snapped. Artemis took a good look at her. Even though she was uncommonly short she did have the right features of a fifteen year old. She had a giant smile filled with sparkling white teeth, sharp cheeks, emerald green eyes, freckles around her nose, and she had orange curly hair down to just below her shoulders. Then the girl put her hair behind her ear, and Artemis almost gasped. Her ears were pointy and a little longer than usual.
"Are you staring at my ears?" The girl said hotly as she put her hands to her ears. "They're not deformed, okay!? They're just."
"Don't pull your hair out I believe you." Artemis said in a soothing voice. "So on other notes, what do you know about Alchemy?"
"I know that my grandmother was an alchemist, and that I have her journals in my room."
"So when would you like to start?" Artemis asked with a grin on his face, which was happening more often lately.
"I'm hired?"
"Of course. Bring you're grandmothers journals here tomorrow at nine."
"Alright. My names Isabel, by the way. Isabel Leonassa." Isabel said as she skipped out of the manors gates.
"Why'd you hire her?" Mulch said with a cigar in his mouth. He tended to like human cigars more than the Peoples moss cigars.
"Yes," Butler agreed. "She doesn't seem that capable, such a young woman. She could also be lying about her grandmother."
"She's not lying because her grandmother was an elf. And she is ΒΌ faire." Artemis declared.
"." Mulch's jaw dropped.
"." Butlers jaw dropped. They were speechless.
Wrestle Mania, United States of America.
"And her comes the Jade princess!" An announcer called into a microphone, as Juliet, as the Jade Princess, ran into the ring wearing a tight teal leather top, and short shorts. She ran into the ring and held her braid into the air, which was held together by the jade hair tie.
"And she will be challenging, the goblin myriad!" The announcer called as a bang of four short men, came out their body covered in green spandex, and their face hidden by green masks. "Let the battle begin!" The announcer said as he rung a large brass bell. Juliet was used to challenging more than one man. She was kicked out of the woman's league for breaking wrestlers bones. Well actually five of her bones, so she was now wrestling men and because she was so good she wrestled multiple men. She quickly spun around having her jade hair ring smack a goblin in the face, cracking the mask. She then jumped up and, using both feet, kicked each wrestler in the chest having them fly back a few feet.
"Pity," Juliet said as she flung a goblin around her shoulder. "I was looking forward to a challenge." She picked up the two remaining goblins and clonked their heads together, when the third jumped onto her back.
"Goodnight mudgirl," the goblin said as he injected a sleeping injection into her neck. "The B'wa Kell want to have a word with you."
"Oh my," Juliet gasped, realizing what was happening, and remembering her past.
"And the goblin myriad, is doing their victory dance around the stadium while carrying the loser, the Jade ring!" The announcer called. "Wait? Where are they going? Oh no, they're taking her out the door. COME BACK!" The announcer said more to himself than to the crowd.