Chapter 3 Bittersweet Agony
Author's Note: Just for your concern, I'm switching between first person and omniscient point of views between chapters. ^^ Enjoy, and the thanks a bundle for the reviews!
There was an insecure silence. The silence seemed to graft on the walls closing upon Karen. There was light sound of the metal utensils hitting the ceramic plate. She couldn't bare to look at Wataru. With the sound of him dropping his spoon and fork, it was likely he understood the severity fo the problem.
"You what?" Wataru thought he miss heard.
Karen choked down her tears. Her eyes stained red, but she held the tears. The effect was a extremely exhausted voice and a sorely chest.
"Please..." Karen's voice soft and abrupt.
There was silence.
"Please... don't ... make... me... say... it again..." Karen couldn't contain her tears much longer. Wataru saw the small silvery droplets trickle down her face. Karen looked at the floor with agony and pain.
"Karen... its wrong..."
"I'm not sister!" Karen finally looked up and said hastily. There was such sorrow written over her face it looked as someone had took her heart and tossed it aside regardless or the torment she had endured.
"What!"
There was insanity building in her. Karen didn't want to break down in front Wataru, but the expression that he wore gave her little reason not to.
Wataru stared at his once younger sister with disbelieve, contempt, and even to a degree hatred. He felt betrayed, beyond that cheated. He didn't know what to say. The girl in front of her had cheated him into caring for her... I struck him too that how much pain Karen was in right now, but he shoved that idea aside. Wataru stood up and left walking to his room and slammed the door shut.
Afterwards, Karen broke down. She couldn't hold it in much longer and with hesitation she gave up holding on, she gave up hoping, she gave up trying to win his heart, she accepted defeat. Her tears showed her loss, her biding pain showed her sorrow... Karen felt a strange aura move up and down her arteries. Every stab to her heart took upon a chain of ripples that stunned her body. Her tears poured, but she made little sound.
After hours of staring at his ceiling for hours... the silence bothered him. Wataru decided to check on Karen. He thought it was only fair to let her give him a explanation. And in fact, He sort of felt sorry for leaving the girl in misery. Even though she had betrayed his trust, she was still someone close, even not his sister, its still someone he knew for quiet a while. Sister or no sister she was still someone he cared about. Wataru had a hard time denying his feelings for her to begin with but convincing himself that it was wrong to court his sister made her seem even closer at times. Wataru thought back to his time on the Island with her. The nostalgic moment had been very enjoyable, but still the silence scared him.
Wataru walked outside of his room and then he saw her. Karen slept in front of his door. Her hand clenched to her chest, her knees brought up to her she cuddled to herself seemingly in the brisk spring evening. Her tears still draped her face... still wet.
Wataru felt a new sensation; a stab of guilt. He really know out to make of what saw, first thought it was cute, then he saw the agony she was in and thought it was pitiful, then it hit him that he was probably responsible for this, and the guilt came.
He knelt down next to her... and moved her stray hair aside.
"Karen..." He whispered. Her eyes flickered for a moment... she was awake. Her eyes half opened she saw Wataru with a concerned look on his face.
There was sharp stab of pain. She quickly sat up and moved to the wall inching away from him. There wasn't just fear in her eyes, there was regret and apology.
Wataru looked at Karen with a sense of guilt. Her tears now renewed. Her hands trembled, she seemed like a frightened child.
"Karen..."
She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out.
"Karen, its okay, I'd like a explanation though..."
Still nothing, in fact it seemed as though Karen cried harder.
"Take you time, there is no hurry," Wataru gave a concerned but understanding look.
Karen wanted to talk, but she was too afraid she might ruin things even more. She didn't want Wataru to be any more pain as the image of betrayal was engraved in her memory. The painful look of hatred in her love's eyes. She didn't ever want to see it again.
"Karen, why did you pretend to be my sister?"
She choked.
"I... I..." Her heart screamed with pain... "I... I... cared about you the first time I saw you."
"And that made it okay to pretend to be my sister?" Wataru began to question the other girls as well, but decided to face his present problem first.
Karen frantically shook her head. She didn't have the strength to speak much more. There were sharp stabs to her heart. She felt ashamed to face her love. She inched closer and Wataru didn't move. She finally came to rest her forehead on his shoulder. Her crying wasn't silent anymore, it broke into a sob. Every whimper that Karen let out was a binding agony to Wataru. He didn't want to his 'sister' cry like this. He felt horrible for not being a little more understand. But in many ways it struck him as though he was not able to forgive Karen for what she had done. Wataru strongly doubted that their relationship would ever be the same again. He very much doubted his ability to ever see her as a trustworthy person again.
Karen wanted so badly to reach her hand and embrace her brother. She wanted so back for his hand to touch hers, to reassure her and forgive her. But it never came. Karen felt so lonely crying there on her 'brother's shoulder. It felt hopeless. Karen tried to tell herself that there was still hope, but every passing second only led her to believe more and more that she would never receive her 'brother's love again.
Wataru couldn't take anymore, it was too depressing and painful to sit there and let Karen cry on his shoulder. He took Karen and helped her up. She reluctantly reclined on her bed and then Wataru left her. He thought it was better if Karen got some time to think things over, before she would talk to him again. He too needed to think things over...
The night air seemed to breeze by... the window had a small crack left open. Karen shivered in the coolness. She sluggishly moved to and rolled herself in the sheets moving to the side. She couldn't sleep even though her eyes tired and her legs sore. Her heart ached too much, there was too much pain. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to look forward to the next day. Had she fallen asleep, she doubt she had a reason to wake up. The image of Wataru's comforting and concerned smiled stained her mind. The image pierced her heart. She brought her tender fingers up to wipe her tears only to find that there was none. She didn't cry. She couldn't feel her tears... she couldn't feel her body. It seemed like a distant isolation... lost in her own mind chasing after the image of Wataru. Oh how she longed for the blissful expression.
Karen curled her knees up to her face. She wanted to squeeze herself into a little ball... she didn't want to the pain, she wanted escape the pain, she wished she hadn't come back to see Wataru... she wished she had never lied to him... she wished she didn't exist, at least Wataru wouldn't feel bad, and she wouldn't feel guilty.
Karen closed her sore eyes... I don't want to live, I don't want you pain! Karen screamed internally. Why? WHY! Why am I tormented... I love him! I can't help that! I don't want to love him anymore, I'll only bring him more pain! Karen questioned herself! I don't want this pain... stop... stop... She voice seemed to drown in a sea of woe. There, in front of her a bright light... behind her a void of darkness. Karen turned and faced the darkness... I'm going... I'm not coming back... I don't want to feel this way again... I don't want to live...
Author's Note: Just for your concern, I'm switching between first person and omniscient point of views between chapters. ^^ Enjoy, and the thanks a bundle for the reviews!
There was an insecure silence. The silence seemed to graft on the walls closing upon Karen. There was light sound of the metal utensils hitting the ceramic plate. She couldn't bare to look at Wataru. With the sound of him dropping his spoon and fork, it was likely he understood the severity fo the problem.
"You what?" Wataru thought he miss heard.
Karen choked down her tears. Her eyes stained red, but she held the tears. The effect was a extremely exhausted voice and a sorely chest.
"Please..." Karen's voice soft and abrupt.
There was silence.
"Please... don't ... make... me... say... it again..." Karen couldn't contain her tears much longer. Wataru saw the small silvery droplets trickle down her face. Karen looked at the floor with agony and pain.
"Karen... its wrong..."
"I'm not sister!" Karen finally looked up and said hastily. There was such sorrow written over her face it looked as someone had took her heart and tossed it aside regardless or the torment she had endured.
"What!"
There was insanity building in her. Karen didn't want to break down in front Wataru, but the expression that he wore gave her little reason not to.
Wataru stared at his once younger sister with disbelieve, contempt, and even to a degree hatred. He felt betrayed, beyond that cheated. He didn't know what to say. The girl in front of her had cheated him into caring for her... I struck him too that how much pain Karen was in right now, but he shoved that idea aside. Wataru stood up and left walking to his room and slammed the door shut.
Afterwards, Karen broke down. She couldn't hold it in much longer and with hesitation she gave up holding on, she gave up hoping, she gave up trying to win his heart, she accepted defeat. Her tears showed her loss, her biding pain showed her sorrow... Karen felt a strange aura move up and down her arteries. Every stab to her heart took upon a chain of ripples that stunned her body. Her tears poured, but she made little sound.
After hours of staring at his ceiling for hours... the silence bothered him. Wataru decided to check on Karen. He thought it was only fair to let her give him a explanation. And in fact, He sort of felt sorry for leaving the girl in misery. Even though she had betrayed his trust, she was still someone close, even not his sister, its still someone he knew for quiet a while. Sister or no sister she was still someone he cared about. Wataru had a hard time denying his feelings for her to begin with but convincing himself that it was wrong to court his sister made her seem even closer at times. Wataru thought back to his time on the Island with her. The nostalgic moment had been very enjoyable, but still the silence scared him.
Wataru walked outside of his room and then he saw her. Karen slept in front of his door. Her hand clenched to her chest, her knees brought up to her she cuddled to herself seemingly in the brisk spring evening. Her tears still draped her face... still wet.
Wataru felt a new sensation; a stab of guilt. He really know out to make of what saw, first thought it was cute, then he saw the agony she was in and thought it was pitiful, then it hit him that he was probably responsible for this, and the guilt came.
He knelt down next to her... and moved her stray hair aside.
"Karen..." He whispered. Her eyes flickered for a moment... she was awake. Her eyes half opened she saw Wataru with a concerned look on his face.
There was sharp stab of pain. She quickly sat up and moved to the wall inching away from him. There wasn't just fear in her eyes, there was regret and apology.
Wataru looked at Karen with a sense of guilt. Her tears now renewed. Her hands trembled, she seemed like a frightened child.
"Karen..."
She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out.
"Karen, its okay, I'd like a explanation though..."
Still nothing, in fact it seemed as though Karen cried harder.
"Take you time, there is no hurry," Wataru gave a concerned but understanding look.
Karen wanted to talk, but she was too afraid she might ruin things even more. She didn't want Wataru to be any more pain as the image of betrayal was engraved in her memory. The painful look of hatred in her love's eyes. She didn't ever want to see it again.
"Karen, why did you pretend to be my sister?"
She choked.
"I... I..." Her heart screamed with pain... "I... I... cared about you the first time I saw you."
"And that made it okay to pretend to be my sister?" Wataru began to question the other girls as well, but decided to face his present problem first.
Karen frantically shook her head. She didn't have the strength to speak much more. There were sharp stabs to her heart. She felt ashamed to face her love. She inched closer and Wataru didn't move. She finally came to rest her forehead on his shoulder. Her crying wasn't silent anymore, it broke into a sob. Every whimper that Karen let out was a binding agony to Wataru. He didn't want to his 'sister' cry like this. He felt horrible for not being a little more understand. But in many ways it struck him as though he was not able to forgive Karen for what she had done. Wataru strongly doubted that their relationship would ever be the same again. He very much doubted his ability to ever see her as a trustworthy person again.
Karen wanted so badly to reach her hand and embrace her brother. She wanted so back for his hand to touch hers, to reassure her and forgive her. But it never came. Karen felt so lonely crying there on her 'brother's shoulder. It felt hopeless. Karen tried to tell herself that there was still hope, but every passing second only led her to believe more and more that she would never receive her 'brother's love again.
Wataru couldn't take anymore, it was too depressing and painful to sit there and let Karen cry on his shoulder. He took Karen and helped her up. She reluctantly reclined on her bed and then Wataru left her. He thought it was better if Karen got some time to think things over, before she would talk to him again. He too needed to think things over...
The night air seemed to breeze by... the window had a small crack left open. Karen shivered in the coolness. She sluggishly moved to and rolled herself in the sheets moving to the side. She couldn't sleep even though her eyes tired and her legs sore. Her heart ached too much, there was too much pain. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to look forward to the next day. Had she fallen asleep, she doubt she had a reason to wake up. The image of Wataru's comforting and concerned smiled stained her mind. The image pierced her heart. She brought her tender fingers up to wipe her tears only to find that there was none. She didn't cry. She couldn't feel her tears... she couldn't feel her body. It seemed like a distant isolation... lost in her own mind chasing after the image of Wataru. Oh how she longed for the blissful expression.
Karen curled her knees up to her face. She wanted to squeeze herself into a little ball... she didn't want to the pain, she wanted escape the pain, she wished she hadn't come back to see Wataru... she wished she had never lied to him... she wished she didn't exist, at least Wataru wouldn't feel bad, and she wouldn't feel guilty.
Karen closed her sore eyes... I don't want to live, I don't want you pain! Karen screamed internally. Why? WHY! Why am I tormented... I love him! I can't help that! I don't want to love him anymore, I'll only bring him more pain! Karen questioned herself! I don't want this pain... stop... stop... She voice seemed to drown in a sea of woe. There, in front of her a bright light... behind her a void of darkness. Karen turned and faced the darkness... I'm going... I'm not coming back... I don't want to feel this way again... I don't want to live...