TITLE: Over her (7/?)
PART: The Right Moment
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de
RATING: PG (might go up)
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.
DATE: 11/16/02
--------------------------
Buffy sat up abruptly. Harris woke up and seeing no good reason to disturb her sleep, she began to cry. Rupert lifted her up and rocked her a little before settling her back down on his chest.
"I'm sorry, Harris."
Buffy stroked her cheek, but Harris glared at her if that was possible. Then she turned her head away from Buffy and settled back to sleep on the chest of the comfortable man.
"I guess, I deserved that," said Buffy, pouting a little. She leaned back against the pillows like Rupert. "But it's not my fault that you say... something like that. It sounded as if you said that Caroline is the first one you loved since me."
"That was what I said."
Buffy looked at him for a long time, no emotion clear on her face.
"And when you say love-"
"I mean romantic love. Not the love of a friend or a Watcher. And I can say for certain that my interest in Caroline was at no point ever fatherly."
"I thought so."
They lay quietly for a while, Buffy stealing glances at him every now and then. Then she suddenly hit him playfully.
"That's not funny."
"It wasn't meant to be funny."
"But you can't possibly... I mean... How? When?!"
"I'm not sure I can answer the 'how', as for the 'when', a long time, since before you turned 18."
"18? But that was..."
"7 years ago."
"Thank you. I may not be good at math, but I can manage basic subtraction. At least up to 20." She glared at him. Then her expression changed to wonder. She had difficulties comprehending the news. "7 years. *Seven* years. And you never said a word."
"I was waiting for the right moment."
"And *this* is the right moment?!"
"No!" he hastened to correct her. "This wasn't... it wasn't meant to be the right moment. It was no moment at all. I had always wanted to tell you when I thought you would be ready to... accept the news and perhaps consider... But now it's of the past. You made an assumption about Caroline and Jenny and I thought it would be fair to correct you."
Buffy nodded. There was another silence.
"And you're sure you're not just saying that to cheer me up?"
He laughed.
"I wasn't aware that it could serve to cheer you up."
"Why not? I mean being loved by a handsome, nice, smart, tall, sexy British guy for 7 years... not everyone can say that of themselves." Buffy was oblivious to Rupert's stare. "And hey, no matter how much Wes has changed, you're way better than him, so take that Faith!"
She looked at him and noticed his look.
"7 years and you choose *now* to tell me this?"
Her eyes widened. He smiled to let her know that he was joking. Although deep in his heart he wasn't quite sure if he really was joking.
"Well, it's true. Of course I didn't think so back then. But you were three times my age. That's ancient when you're a teen."
"I was three times your age when you were 13. And a half to be exact."
She calculated in her head.
"You *are* pretty good with the math."
"Well. I have to admit, the thought crossed my mind before. I had seven years to think about every aspect of our relationship. Age *has* come up. But you are right, you were quite young when we first met. Although I seem to remember that my sex life was still gross to you when you were out of high school."
"You were my Watcher and not supposed to have sex!"
"Says who? There are many Watchers who are married. My family have been Watchers for centuries and as far as I know the acts of procreation were all natural."
"All right. You were right. I was wrong. And I changed my mind. You can thank Anya and Willow for that by the way."
"Dare I ask?"
"I don't know. Do you?"
"What did they have to do with your... revelation?"
"Well, after Mike left we had this girls' night. Pajamas, ice-cream, Thelma and Louise... you know. So we were talking about the badness of boys and how the world would be a better place. And when things got late it kinda changed to how some of them were quite all right. We talked about Oz and Xander and how Jack seems pretty okay for now and somehow the topic came to you. Willow mentioned that she had a crush on you when she first met you and how sexy your voice was and Anya started about your hands and butt. I don't think I need to go into details."
"Oh no, please do."
She glared at him.
"As I was saying, they went on about your sexiness and I was beginning to think I was in some bizarro world, with the lesbians discussing the hotness of my *male* Watcher."
"Anya is bisexual."
"I know, but still at this very moment the two are humping like bunnies in Will's old room, only they wouldn't call it that because Anya would freak. Which makes it bizarre enough that they are talking about the sexiness of a guy who I had never thought of as a man."
"But then you did think of me as a man."
"Sort of yes. I tried to think of you as someone other than Giles, which wasn't really easy, but I had to admit to myself that you are kind of good-looking in an ol- uhm, mature kind of way. And I guess you can also be sexy sometimes. When you are violent and all manly, that's pretty much a turn-on. And oh, did I mention I was drunk?"
"No."
"Well, I was. Not drunk exactly, but Anya had mixed those drinks, which she'd learned to do in Russia and you know how Buffy and alcohol mix."
"I see. So the alcohol made you believe I could possibly be sexy on some rare occasions?"
"I... didn't mean to say it that way. But yes, that's kinda what happened. Giles, I never thought of you in that way. I still don't. I don't know why. It's just... You're Giles and not someone I think about in that way. I don't think I ever thought a lot about our relationship unless things went wrong, in which I case I wondered why you did those things that you weren't supposed to do."
"Like having sex?"
"Like flaunting another woman in front of me."
"Another woman? You do realize that that almost sounds like jealousy?"
"Well, it is jealousy! I never liked Olivia. I mean I never knew her, but the moment I saw her I wished she wasn't there. Or at least that I wasn't there to see her. I never liked seeing you with other women. I wanted you to be happy, but I didn't want to actually see you be happy with someone else. I know that I make no sense but that's how I felt. And I'm not exactly proud of it. It's just this selfish little streak in me. Like somewhere in my heart I wish that Angel and Riley and Jeff and Mike would pine after me for the rest of their lives thinking 'oh why couldn't it have worked out with Buffy, she was the best thing that ever happened to me'."
"I'm not one of your boyfriends though."
"I know, Giles. I can't explain it. It's just how I feel."
"Maybe if you... when you find someone for yourself you can be more generous towards your ex-boyfriends."
"No, I am. I do want them to be happy. I think it's great that Angel is happy with Cordelia and Riley and Sam are still going strong. It's just... Olivia was so right *there* in your apartment and your *shirt* and I felt like an intruder. Not to mention that it didn't exactly help that you sent me away with no good-bye and instead 'Don't let the door hit your ass'."
"Buffy, I never said such a thing."
"Well, you might as well had. I needed you and you sent me away."
"I wanted you to grow up. I *needed* you to grow up. I knew that as long as you depended on me there would never be a chance..."
"For us? You mean a romantic us?"
"I... it was one of the reasons. I would never have put you through anything simply for my own selfish need. You have to believe that."
"I do, Giles. I wasn't trying to blame you. Back then I did, but not now. I understand. And you were right. If you'd just told me that you loved me back when I was 18... I don't know what I'd done. Maybe run away again. I didn't think I could do it alone. Angel, Faith and everything, you were always there for me. I needed you to be my Watcher."
"I know. I never seriously thought about telling you before you defeated the Mayor. But in the summer after Graduation I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. My feelings for you weren't going to disappear. I needed to separate myself from you, as a Watcher. Either so that you could choose me as something else in your life or so that I could leave you to go on with my own life."
"But you became my Watcher again."
"Yes. You needed me as your Watcher again. And being your Watcher always came first for me."
"And when you left...?"
"I left because it was what you needed. I wasn't your Watcher after you died. You didn't discuss your problems with me and sought assistance to solve them. You used me to take care of Dawn and to get money. That was never my job."
"I know." Buffy thought for a while before she continued. "You know, I think if you'd told me you loved me back then I wouldn't... have said no. I'm not sure, but I was so messed up... I might have held onto you for anything but that emptiness."
"Which was why I waited."
"Yes, of course. I didn't want to say you should have. God, no. It would have been a disaster. I just would have hurt you and hurting you would have hurt me. So much more than hurting Spike. I don't know if I'd have been able to look at you again. It's good the way it is. I was just thinking aloud."
"Perhaps this is the way it should be."
"Yeah. Even if it isn't, there's nothing we can do about it."
They stayed silent for a while. Then Buffy looked at him grinning.
"You know, you look awfully cute with a baby in your arm."
"I do? Then perhaps I should take Harris out on a walk to meet some ladies."
"What would Caroline say about that?"
Rupert's smile faded. He still wasn't sure how that would turn out. In his heart he felt that it was over, but maybe if they gave it another try. He did love her. And that last tiny little chance that he hadn't admitted to himself existed was gone, too: Buffy now knew of his feelings and hadn't confessed her undying love for him.
"She would make me pay for being a naughty boy."
"I did not hear that. But speaking of Caroline, what does she say to your news, I mean the Council news, not the loving me news. Is she coming with you? Oh, you're not going to marry her, are you?"
"Why? Would it bother you?"
"No. Yes. Maybe. I don't even know her. I want you to be happy. If she makes you happy, I'm sure I'll love her. So have you asked her?"
"No, I haven't. I haven't discussed the matter with her at all. Which is why I don't know if I'll come back here or not."
"Oh. Are you planning on asking her to come with you?"
"I don't know. Probably not. We've only known each other for half a year, two months before it got serious. She has a very good job. I couldn't ask her to give it up."
"So if you came back here, that would be the end of your relationship?"
"I wouldn't let the Council ruin my relationship with Caroline. We have... a few problems. The Council's offer gives me a chance to decide whether I want to give our relationship another chance or start fresh here."
"I'm not even sure if I should hope that you come back then."
He smiled.
"Thank you."
"You know, we're always here for you. Plus there's lots of ice-cream in the icebox. We could solemnly declare to never love again and then wax poetically about our ideal partner and say nasty things about the people we once loved."
"Present company excluded."
"Of course!"
He smiled. Buffy's offer seemed rather tempting. He had missed her so much. Not just as the object of his unanswered affection but as a friend. And not only her of course. He missed all of them, not the least the little bundle that was sleeping on his chest.
He would have to talk to Caroline to find out where they stood. For better or worse.
A/N:
Thanks for all the reviews!
dword: Awww, thanks so much. I'm not quite managing a chapter a day, but these chapters are longer than the first few. Maybe I can post more frequently if there are shorter chapters. And yes, I believe Buffy is now ready for Giles (and he for her) even if they don't know it yet. I'm pretty sure about the B/G smoochies. You just have to be patient. Muahahaha.
Queen Boadicea: Evil, moi? *innocent look* I just thought it was a perfect ending for the chapter :)
Angelia Love: Thank you. I hope you'll enjoy what is to come.
KittenGal: Breath deep... feeling better? The next chapter is soon to come. More or less :)
Coming up: a talk with Caroline (at least I think so)
PART: The Right Moment
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de
RATING: PG (might go up)
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.
DATE: 11/16/02
--------------------------
Buffy sat up abruptly. Harris woke up and seeing no good reason to disturb her sleep, she began to cry. Rupert lifted her up and rocked her a little before settling her back down on his chest.
"I'm sorry, Harris."
Buffy stroked her cheek, but Harris glared at her if that was possible. Then she turned her head away from Buffy and settled back to sleep on the chest of the comfortable man.
"I guess, I deserved that," said Buffy, pouting a little. She leaned back against the pillows like Rupert. "But it's not my fault that you say... something like that. It sounded as if you said that Caroline is the first one you loved since me."
"That was what I said."
Buffy looked at him for a long time, no emotion clear on her face.
"And when you say love-"
"I mean romantic love. Not the love of a friend or a Watcher. And I can say for certain that my interest in Caroline was at no point ever fatherly."
"I thought so."
They lay quietly for a while, Buffy stealing glances at him every now and then. Then she suddenly hit him playfully.
"That's not funny."
"It wasn't meant to be funny."
"But you can't possibly... I mean... How? When?!"
"I'm not sure I can answer the 'how', as for the 'when', a long time, since before you turned 18."
"18? But that was..."
"7 years ago."
"Thank you. I may not be good at math, but I can manage basic subtraction. At least up to 20." She glared at him. Then her expression changed to wonder. She had difficulties comprehending the news. "7 years. *Seven* years. And you never said a word."
"I was waiting for the right moment."
"And *this* is the right moment?!"
"No!" he hastened to correct her. "This wasn't... it wasn't meant to be the right moment. It was no moment at all. I had always wanted to tell you when I thought you would be ready to... accept the news and perhaps consider... But now it's of the past. You made an assumption about Caroline and Jenny and I thought it would be fair to correct you."
Buffy nodded. There was another silence.
"And you're sure you're not just saying that to cheer me up?"
He laughed.
"I wasn't aware that it could serve to cheer you up."
"Why not? I mean being loved by a handsome, nice, smart, tall, sexy British guy for 7 years... not everyone can say that of themselves." Buffy was oblivious to Rupert's stare. "And hey, no matter how much Wes has changed, you're way better than him, so take that Faith!"
She looked at him and noticed his look.
"7 years and you choose *now* to tell me this?"
Her eyes widened. He smiled to let her know that he was joking. Although deep in his heart he wasn't quite sure if he really was joking.
"Well, it's true. Of course I didn't think so back then. But you were three times my age. That's ancient when you're a teen."
"I was three times your age when you were 13. And a half to be exact."
She calculated in her head.
"You *are* pretty good with the math."
"Well. I have to admit, the thought crossed my mind before. I had seven years to think about every aspect of our relationship. Age *has* come up. But you are right, you were quite young when we first met. Although I seem to remember that my sex life was still gross to you when you were out of high school."
"You were my Watcher and not supposed to have sex!"
"Says who? There are many Watchers who are married. My family have been Watchers for centuries and as far as I know the acts of procreation were all natural."
"All right. You were right. I was wrong. And I changed my mind. You can thank Anya and Willow for that by the way."
"Dare I ask?"
"I don't know. Do you?"
"What did they have to do with your... revelation?"
"Well, after Mike left we had this girls' night. Pajamas, ice-cream, Thelma and Louise... you know. So we were talking about the badness of boys and how the world would be a better place. And when things got late it kinda changed to how some of them were quite all right. We talked about Oz and Xander and how Jack seems pretty okay for now and somehow the topic came to you. Willow mentioned that she had a crush on you when she first met you and how sexy your voice was and Anya started about your hands and butt. I don't think I need to go into details."
"Oh no, please do."
She glared at him.
"As I was saying, they went on about your sexiness and I was beginning to think I was in some bizarro world, with the lesbians discussing the hotness of my *male* Watcher."
"Anya is bisexual."
"I know, but still at this very moment the two are humping like bunnies in Will's old room, only they wouldn't call it that because Anya would freak. Which makes it bizarre enough that they are talking about the sexiness of a guy who I had never thought of as a man."
"But then you did think of me as a man."
"Sort of yes. I tried to think of you as someone other than Giles, which wasn't really easy, but I had to admit to myself that you are kind of good-looking in an ol- uhm, mature kind of way. And I guess you can also be sexy sometimes. When you are violent and all manly, that's pretty much a turn-on. And oh, did I mention I was drunk?"
"No."
"Well, I was. Not drunk exactly, but Anya had mixed those drinks, which she'd learned to do in Russia and you know how Buffy and alcohol mix."
"I see. So the alcohol made you believe I could possibly be sexy on some rare occasions?"
"I... didn't mean to say it that way. But yes, that's kinda what happened. Giles, I never thought of you in that way. I still don't. I don't know why. It's just... You're Giles and not someone I think about in that way. I don't think I ever thought a lot about our relationship unless things went wrong, in which I case I wondered why you did those things that you weren't supposed to do."
"Like having sex?"
"Like flaunting another woman in front of me."
"Another woman? You do realize that that almost sounds like jealousy?"
"Well, it is jealousy! I never liked Olivia. I mean I never knew her, but the moment I saw her I wished she wasn't there. Or at least that I wasn't there to see her. I never liked seeing you with other women. I wanted you to be happy, but I didn't want to actually see you be happy with someone else. I know that I make no sense but that's how I felt. And I'm not exactly proud of it. It's just this selfish little streak in me. Like somewhere in my heart I wish that Angel and Riley and Jeff and Mike would pine after me for the rest of their lives thinking 'oh why couldn't it have worked out with Buffy, she was the best thing that ever happened to me'."
"I'm not one of your boyfriends though."
"I know, Giles. I can't explain it. It's just how I feel."
"Maybe if you... when you find someone for yourself you can be more generous towards your ex-boyfriends."
"No, I am. I do want them to be happy. I think it's great that Angel is happy with Cordelia and Riley and Sam are still going strong. It's just... Olivia was so right *there* in your apartment and your *shirt* and I felt like an intruder. Not to mention that it didn't exactly help that you sent me away with no good-bye and instead 'Don't let the door hit your ass'."
"Buffy, I never said such a thing."
"Well, you might as well had. I needed you and you sent me away."
"I wanted you to grow up. I *needed* you to grow up. I knew that as long as you depended on me there would never be a chance..."
"For us? You mean a romantic us?"
"I... it was one of the reasons. I would never have put you through anything simply for my own selfish need. You have to believe that."
"I do, Giles. I wasn't trying to blame you. Back then I did, but not now. I understand. And you were right. If you'd just told me that you loved me back when I was 18... I don't know what I'd done. Maybe run away again. I didn't think I could do it alone. Angel, Faith and everything, you were always there for me. I needed you to be my Watcher."
"I know. I never seriously thought about telling you before you defeated the Mayor. But in the summer after Graduation I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. My feelings for you weren't going to disappear. I needed to separate myself from you, as a Watcher. Either so that you could choose me as something else in your life or so that I could leave you to go on with my own life."
"But you became my Watcher again."
"Yes. You needed me as your Watcher again. And being your Watcher always came first for me."
"And when you left...?"
"I left because it was what you needed. I wasn't your Watcher after you died. You didn't discuss your problems with me and sought assistance to solve them. You used me to take care of Dawn and to get money. That was never my job."
"I know." Buffy thought for a while before she continued. "You know, I think if you'd told me you loved me back then I wouldn't... have said no. I'm not sure, but I was so messed up... I might have held onto you for anything but that emptiness."
"Which was why I waited."
"Yes, of course. I didn't want to say you should have. God, no. It would have been a disaster. I just would have hurt you and hurting you would have hurt me. So much more than hurting Spike. I don't know if I'd have been able to look at you again. It's good the way it is. I was just thinking aloud."
"Perhaps this is the way it should be."
"Yeah. Even if it isn't, there's nothing we can do about it."
They stayed silent for a while. Then Buffy looked at him grinning.
"You know, you look awfully cute with a baby in your arm."
"I do? Then perhaps I should take Harris out on a walk to meet some ladies."
"What would Caroline say about that?"
Rupert's smile faded. He still wasn't sure how that would turn out. In his heart he felt that it was over, but maybe if they gave it another try. He did love her. And that last tiny little chance that he hadn't admitted to himself existed was gone, too: Buffy now knew of his feelings and hadn't confessed her undying love for him.
"She would make me pay for being a naughty boy."
"I did not hear that. But speaking of Caroline, what does she say to your news, I mean the Council news, not the loving me news. Is she coming with you? Oh, you're not going to marry her, are you?"
"Why? Would it bother you?"
"No. Yes. Maybe. I don't even know her. I want you to be happy. If she makes you happy, I'm sure I'll love her. So have you asked her?"
"No, I haven't. I haven't discussed the matter with her at all. Which is why I don't know if I'll come back here or not."
"Oh. Are you planning on asking her to come with you?"
"I don't know. Probably not. We've only known each other for half a year, two months before it got serious. She has a very good job. I couldn't ask her to give it up."
"So if you came back here, that would be the end of your relationship?"
"I wouldn't let the Council ruin my relationship with Caroline. We have... a few problems. The Council's offer gives me a chance to decide whether I want to give our relationship another chance or start fresh here."
"I'm not even sure if I should hope that you come back then."
He smiled.
"Thank you."
"You know, we're always here for you. Plus there's lots of ice-cream in the icebox. We could solemnly declare to never love again and then wax poetically about our ideal partner and say nasty things about the people we once loved."
"Present company excluded."
"Of course!"
He smiled. Buffy's offer seemed rather tempting. He had missed her so much. Not just as the object of his unanswered affection but as a friend. And not only her of course. He missed all of them, not the least the little bundle that was sleeping on his chest.
He would have to talk to Caroline to find out where they stood. For better or worse.
A/N:
Thanks for all the reviews!
dword: Awww, thanks so much. I'm not quite managing a chapter a day, but these chapters are longer than the first few. Maybe I can post more frequently if there are shorter chapters. And yes, I believe Buffy is now ready for Giles (and he for her) even if they don't know it yet. I'm pretty sure about the B/G smoochies. You just have to be patient. Muahahaha.
Queen Boadicea: Evil, moi? *innocent look* I just thought it was a perfect ending for the chapter :)
Angelia Love: Thank you. I hope you'll enjoy what is to come.
KittenGal: Breath deep... feeling better? The next chapter is soon to come. More or less :)
Coming up: a talk with Caroline (at least I think so)