TITLE: Over her (15/?)
PART: Needing to Know
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de
RATING: PG (might go up)
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.
DATE: 03/10/03
--------------------------
As it turned out good will wasn't enough when you were a coward.
Dinner had been mostly silent, interrupted only by light conversation about the food and Giles' attempts to make Harris eat.
Now they sat at the table with the books that Giles had brought from the Magic Box. He had described the demon to her and given her directions on which books to try first.
She looked over at him every now and then not quite sure how to breach the subject. Not to mention that she feared his answer.
He made a noise, signaling he'd found something. Buffy watched him go over the page. When he was done, he looked at her.
"Just what I had feared. It's a Tympani demon. I'll have to check with Spike tomorrow to make sure, but the description fits both looks and behavior." He put the book in front of her.
"Nice claws."
"They're poisonous. But that's not the worst part. They usually live in packs. Spike said he only saw this one, so either we're lucky and it came here alone or we have about a dozen more hiding somewhere ready to attack. They are not especially strong but fight quite well. We should find out if they have a nest here and then plan our attack."
"So that's what I should keep my eyes open for tonight."
"Yes, see if you can find the nest. They eat anything. It doesn't matter if it's humans, demons or animals, so if you find animal cadavers that could be a hint. Don't fight them if there's more than one. You should be able to take one if you look out for the claws. If they're in a group run. They're not very fast."
"'kay. Outrun them, then turn around and secretly follow them to their nest."
"Exactly."
This was her cue to leave for patrol. It was a really good excuse not to talk to him now, too. But she couldn't let it slide. So she said the first thing that came to her mind in the matter.
"I'm sorry."
Giles was confused by her change of subject.
"About what?"
"I never wanted to hurt you."
Now he understood.
"I know, Buffy."
"But I did, didn't I?"
He looked at her for a moment. She looked quite miserable and a bit afraid.
"You know how love is. It makes the most insignificant things important. When she looks at someone else instead of you, when she forgets something you said, when she ignores you or says things that she doesn't actually mean. All those little things that don't really mean anything... they still sting."
"You must hate me."
"Buffy, I do *not* hate you. Even if my feelings have changed from what they used to be, I still love you."
Buffy felt a hint of pain at the reminder of his change of feelings, but she ignored it, instead pursuing what she really wanted to know.
"I know. What I mean is... just a tiny bit of hatred or maybe not hatred but bad feelings. Like 'I do love her, but I'll never forget how she lied to me about Angel' or 'I know that she didn't mean to hurt me, but when she was with Riley and ignored me, I felt so bad, that I'll never be able to forgive her for that'."
Giles just looked at her and she wasn't quite sure if he understood what she meant she pulled herself together and said it.
"Or maybe 'She's hurt me so much, that I can't help wishing she'd be hurt a bit, too'."
Now she could see that Giles did understand her. She felt uncomfortable under his look. All her pettiness and selfishness were there in full display. Because she really wanted to know that she hadn't hurt him, because she didn't want to feel bad. She just wanted to be loved by him unconditionally and totally. And yet she had had to say it. She had to know.
His answer though, was not what she had wanted.
"Any pain that I felt because of you was washed away by your smile directed at me, your concern for me, your courage and beauty, your sense of humor or just the way you looked at me sometimes. If there ever was any hate involved it was directed at myself."
Buffy didn't know what to say. She had needed to know that he didn't hate her and now she did and she felt awful. The courage that had gotten her this far left her.
"I... I should go patrolling now."
"Do that. And be careful."
He looked at her kindly and Buffy couldn't bear it any longer. She fled without another word.
PART: Needing to Know
AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de
RATING: PG (might go up)
DISTRIBUTION: Everyone who has my general permission. Others please ask first.
SPOILERS: Up to Selfless
FEEDBACK: Love it. Especially if you like the story ;-)
SUMMARY: On Buffy's 25th birthday Giles visits Sunnydale, finally over her. Or so he thinks.
COUPLES: Buffy/Giles, Willow/Anya, Dawn/OC (male), mention of Wesley/Faith, Cordelia/Angel
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.
DATE: 03/10/03
--------------------------
As it turned out good will wasn't enough when you were a coward.
Dinner had been mostly silent, interrupted only by light conversation about the food and Giles' attempts to make Harris eat.
Now they sat at the table with the books that Giles had brought from the Magic Box. He had described the demon to her and given her directions on which books to try first.
She looked over at him every now and then not quite sure how to breach the subject. Not to mention that she feared his answer.
He made a noise, signaling he'd found something. Buffy watched him go over the page. When he was done, he looked at her.
"Just what I had feared. It's a Tympani demon. I'll have to check with Spike tomorrow to make sure, but the description fits both looks and behavior." He put the book in front of her.
"Nice claws."
"They're poisonous. But that's not the worst part. They usually live in packs. Spike said he only saw this one, so either we're lucky and it came here alone or we have about a dozen more hiding somewhere ready to attack. They are not especially strong but fight quite well. We should find out if they have a nest here and then plan our attack."
"So that's what I should keep my eyes open for tonight."
"Yes, see if you can find the nest. They eat anything. It doesn't matter if it's humans, demons or animals, so if you find animal cadavers that could be a hint. Don't fight them if there's more than one. You should be able to take one if you look out for the claws. If they're in a group run. They're not very fast."
"'kay. Outrun them, then turn around and secretly follow them to their nest."
"Exactly."
This was her cue to leave for patrol. It was a really good excuse not to talk to him now, too. But she couldn't let it slide. So she said the first thing that came to her mind in the matter.
"I'm sorry."
Giles was confused by her change of subject.
"About what?"
"I never wanted to hurt you."
Now he understood.
"I know, Buffy."
"But I did, didn't I?"
He looked at her for a moment. She looked quite miserable and a bit afraid.
"You know how love is. It makes the most insignificant things important. When she looks at someone else instead of you, when she forgets something you said, when she ignores you or says things that she doesn't actually mean. All those little things that don't really mean anything... they still sting."
"You must hate me."
"Buffy, I do *not* hate you. Even if my feelings have changed from what they used to be, I still love you."
Buffy felt a hint of pain at the reminder of his change of feelings, but she ignored it, instead pursuing what she really wanted to know.
"I know. What I mean is... just a tiny bit of hatred or maybe not hatred but bad feelings. Like 'I do love her, but I'll never forget how she lied to me about Angel' or 'I know that she didn't mean to hurt me, but when she was with Riley and ignored me, I felt so bad, that I'll never be able to forgive her for that'."
Giles just looked at her and she wasn't quite sure if he understood what she meant she pulled herself together and said it.
"Or maybe 'She's hurt me so much, that I can't help wishing she'd be hurt a bit, too'."
Now she could see that Giles did understand her. She felt uncomfortable under his look. All her pettiness and selfishness were there in full display. Because she really wanted to know that she hadn't hurt him, because she didn't want to feel bad. She just wanted to be loved by him unconditionally and totally. And yet she had had to say it. She had to know.
His answer though, was not what she had wanted.
"Any pain that I felt because of you was washed away by your smile directed at me, your concern for me, your courage and beauty, your sense of humor or just the way you looked at me sometimes. If there ever was any hate involved it was directed at myself."
Buffy didn't know what to say. She had needed to know that he didn't hate her and now she did and she felt awful. The courage that had gotten her this far left her.
"I... I should go patrolling now."
"Do that. And be careful."
He looked at her kindly and Buffy couldn't bear it any longer. She fled without another word.