Zina: And welcome to today's episode of It's Just Magic with Zina Mayk! Our
topic today is "Princesses, Part I", and we a slew of interesting guests.
We welcome Queen Cimorene of the Enchanted Forest, Queen Hallanna of Sathem-
by-the-mountains, Queen Alianora, formerly the Princess of Toure-on-marsh,
Princess Keredwel of Poranbuth, and Antorell the wizard. All of these
ladies have, at one time or another, been princesses, and do not object to
joining us today. Let's give these girls a round of applause!
Antorell: Ahem.
Zina: I wasn't finished. We have with us also one of the wizards of the Head Society of Wizards. I believe he was the only one who could be spared.
Antorell: Er, thank you. I think.
Zina: Now, let's begin. Our first question is, Do You Enjoy Being a Princess? Let's hear from Alianora first.
Alianora: (giggles) Well, I'm not exactly a princess anymore.but no, I did not like being a princess. It was a very confining and dull job, and I didn't seem to fit in at all.
Zina: That's understandable.
Alianora: I mean, I guess it's all well and good for people who are dainty and beautiful and easily frightened. And it's an extra feather in your cap if you know a few truly evil fairies, too. But I just couldn't get anything to work. My family were abolutely frenzied trying to find something for me to do.
Zina: But they figured it out in the end?
Alianora: Yes. Being a dragon's princess was the best thing that had ever happened to me - I didn't like the work exactly.I'm not like Cimorene.but if I hadn't I would never have met Cimorene or.anyone else. (giggles again)
Zina: Thank you, Alianora. We'll hear another side of the story from Princess Keredwel after these messages. Stay tuned!
---------------------------------------------
Dragon: Have you been looking for a respectable husband? Look no further, pretty maiden. We have several job openings at Morning in the Mountains, a non-profit organization provided for the benefit of both dragons and princesses. Each position is guaranteed to bring a collection of eligible knights, princes, and daring paupers. The only requirements are: the ability to dust, cook, clean, read and translate Latin, sort treasure, cook all day and then look presentable at night to serve your meal, stay out of the way in dragon-rescuer battles, don't interact with wizards, don't run away, stay for at least six months.
Cimorene: I told you to say "no requirements", not give off a list, you idiot. You're fired. I'm finding another dragon for this job.
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Brandel: Are you looking for a new home? You may stop your house-hunting now! I have a perfect three-bedroom suite for sale. It is located in a secluded forest for plenty of privacy, has a Nearly-Fault-Proof way to keep outsiders OUT, and comes with a FREE easy-to-use enchanted laundry basket for access of the interior. Plus, the path through the forest is lighted with lovely Dusk-blooming vines, provided to make your stroll through the forest a romantic one. (really fast) Take note that things such as knights, mud, swamps, CHOKEvines, girls named Rachel and other things are not our responsibility.
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Zina: Welcome back to It's Just Magic with Zina Mayk! We will now hear from -
Cimorene: I was on the radio. Did you hear that? I was on the radio.
Zina: Yes, that is very -
Cimorene: I remember that recording too. It was Urig who was trying to throw in all the requirements. I'd told them to just say "no requirements" so that the princesses would flock to them. They can't expect someone as perfect as myself every princess they get. I still don't know why they didn't rerecord that, though. Besides, my voice was all high and squea -
Zina: We will hear from Princess Keredwel of Poranbuth. Keredwel, what are your thoughts on being a princess?
Keredwel: (dramatically) Alas, it is an occupation riddled with sorrows and woes. What a hard lot in life it is! No sooner than I had been rescued from a dreadful dragon, than my charming rescuer tumbled from a cliff and I was left to fend for myself in the wilderness. Finally a tender-hearted Queen took me in. But I shall never, ever, recover from my loss. Ah! Woe is me!
Zina: (struggling to be sympathetic) That does sound.terrible. Have you contacted your family since then?
Keredwel: I had not yet reached that point in my long and woeful tale. For no sooner than I had reached the palace of the tender-hearted Queen than I learned that there had been a great fire in my homeland, and the royal family had perished in the blaze. But I dare not go back to reclaim the throne, for there sits upon it an evil mage who would surely kill me or marry me if I tried. Alas! What a hard lot is my life!
Zina: But, before you were even abducted by the dragon, did you enjoy the life of a princess?
Keredwel: Ah, no! For my mother died when I was but a babe, and my father had remarried a woman who hated me. I worked like a drudge for her, and few knew my true heritage until I was carried of by the dread dragon Zareth.
Zina: So, give us a short summary of your idea of princessdom.
Keredwel: (starts crying) Alas, alack, and woe unto me! It is a dreaded thing, but I must.bear.it.bravely.
Zina: Thank you, Princess Keredwel. (Keredwel's sobbing is heard in background). We will be right back after this commercial break.
-----------------------------------------------------
Male Announcer: And now we will be privileged to hear the first-ever advertisement delivered by a cat.
Chaos: Mrow vow.
Announcer: Er, could someone translate for us please?
Morwen: He said, Hello to you too.
Announcer: Ah. Well.begin!
Chaos: Mrow, mroov! Rowmeow *screech*.
Morwen: He.er.said he.didn't want to.
Announcer: (faintly) Didn't want to?
Morwen: Correct.
Chaos: Vrow mroovmeow mrow, mrow!
Morwen: He, er, says he doesn't want to work for you.
Announcer: For me?
Morwen: Yes.
Announcer: Why not?
Morwen: He says you own a dog.
Chaos: Mrow!
Announcer: @#$$%!!! You're fired, puss.get off my commercial.
---------------------------------
Zina: And we're back. `Fraid we're nearly out of time, though. We can accept a few calls, and then this discussion will be continued in our next episode, "Princesses, Part II". Let's see, Zemenar, you're on the air.
Zemenar: How come Antorell didn't get a chance to talk?
Zina: He will most certainly get to on our next episode, we simply ran out of time.
Antorell: Father, you're dead. What are you doing on Enchanted Radio?
Zina: These things happen on radio. I remember one time we had a warlock who'd been dead for a hundred years as our star guest. He was very interesting, actually, delivered a speech on -
Zemenar: You're getting off-topic. I'm hanging up. This is a stupid show. *click*
Zina: Thank goodness. Next we have.Zareth, you're on the air.
Zareth: I'm not a dread dragon. Not unless you're a stupid princess.
Zina: Well, she was.er.a princess.
Keredwel: How dare you call me stupid, you hideous monster! Alas, for not only have I led a hard and woeful life, but I am now to be insulted by radio callers.
Zareth: This is stupid. *click*
Zina: Mendenbar, you're on the air.
Mendenbar: Hello, everyone. Hi, honey.
Cimorene: Hi.
Mendenbar: I think this is a great discussion. I personally think that princesses are empty-headed, dull, conniving, and have less wits than a fly. They've always struck me that way. Except for you, of course, Cimorene.
Cimorene: Thank you.
Keredwel: Alas, for he does it too! I take insult at your remark, your Royal Majesty. For surely I am neither empty-headed, nor dull, nor conniving. Haryd, the princes who rescued me from the dread dragon Zareth, always said that I was very witty. (cries) Ah.Haryd.I miss him so.
Mendenbar: I'm sorry if that was rather indelicate, but I think it's true.
Cimorene: Me too.
Alianora: Mm-hmm.
Zina: Yes. And that is all the time we have today, folks! Join us next time on It's Just Magic with Zina Mayk!
Antorell: Ahem.
Zina: I wasn't finished. We have with us also one of the wizards of the Head Society of Wizards. I believe he was the only one who could be spared.
Antorell: Er, thank you. I think.
Zina: Now, let's begin. Our first question is, Do You Enjoy Being a Princess? Let's hear from Alianora first.
Alianora: (giggles) Well, I'm not exactly a princess anymore.but no, I did not like being a princess. It was a very confining and dull job, and I didn't seem to fit in at all.
Zina: That's understandable.
Alianora: I mean, I guess it's all well and good for people who are dainty and beautiful and easily frightened. And it's an extra feather in your cap if you know a few truly evil fairies, too. But I just couldn't get anything to work. My family were abolutely frenzied trying to find something for me to do.
Zina: But they figured it out in the end?
Alianora: Yes. Being a dragon's princess was the best thing that had ever happened to me - I didn't like the work exactly.I'm not like Cimorene.but if I hadn't I would never have met Cimorene or.anyone else. (giggles again)
Zina: Thank you, Alianora. We'll hear another side of the story from Princess Keredwel after these messages. Stay tuned!
---------------------------------------------
Dragon: Have you been looking for a respectable husband? Look no further, pretty maiden. We have several job openings at Morning in the Mountains, a non-profit organization provided for the benefit of both dragons and princesses. Each position is guaranteed to bring a collection of eligible knights, princes, and daring paupers. The only requirements are: the ability to dust, cook, clean, read and translate Latin, sort treasure, cook all day and then look presentable at night to serve your meal, stay out of the way in dragon-rescuer battles, don't interact with wizards, don't run away, stay for at least six months.
Cimorene: I told you to say "no requirements", not give off a list, you idiot. You're fired. I'm finding another dragon for this job.
------------------------------------------------
Brandel: Are you looking for a new home? You may stop your house-hunting now! I have a perfect three-bedroom suite for sale. It is located in a secluded forest for plenty of privacy, has a Nearly-Fault-Proof way to keep outsiders OUT, and comes with a FREE easy-to-use enchanted laundry basket for access of the interior. Plus, the path through the forest is lighted with lovely Dusk-blooming vines, provided to make your stroll through the forest a romantic one. (really fast) Take note that things such as knights, mud, swamps, CHOKEvines, girls named Rachel and other things are not our responsibility.
---------------------------------------------------
Zina: Welcome back to It's Just Magic with Zina Mayk! We will now hear from -
Cimorene: I was on the radio. Did you hear that? I was on the radio.
Zina: Yes, that is very -
Cimorene: I remember that recording too. It was Urig who was trying to throw in all the requirements. I'd told them to just say "no requirements" so that the princesses would flock to them. They can't expect someone as perfect as myself every princess they get. I still don't know why they didn't rerecord that, though. Besides, my voice was all high and squea -
Zina: We will hear from Princess Keredwel of Poranbuth. Keredwel, what are your thoughts on being a princess?
Keredwel: (dramatically) Alas, it is an occupation riddled with sorrows and woes. What a hard lot in life it is! No sooner than I had been rescued from a dreadful dragon, than my charming rescuer tumbled from a cliff and I was left to fend for myself in the wilderness. Finally a tender-hearted Queen took me in. But I shall never, ever, recover from my loss. Ah! Woe is me!
Zina: (struggling to be sympathetic) That does sound.terrible. Have you contacted your family since then?
Keredwel: I had not yet reached that point in my long and woeful tale. For no sooner than I had reached the palace of the tender-hearted Queen than I learned that there had been a great fire in my homeland, and the royal family had perished in the blaze. But I dare not go back to reclaim the throne, for there sits upon it an evil mage who would surely kill me or marry me if I tried. Alas! What a hard lot is my life!
Zina: But, before you were even abducted by the dragon, did you enjoy the life of a princess?
Keredwel: Ah, no! For my mother died when I was but a babe, and my father had remarried a woman who hated me. I worked like a drudge for her, and few knew my true heritage until I was carried of by the dread dragon Zareth.
Zina: So, give us a short summary of your idea of princessdom.
Keredwel: (starts crying) Alas, alack, and woe unto me! It is a dreaded thing, but I must.bear.it.bravely.
Zina: Thank you, Princess Keredwel. (Keredwel's sobbing is heard in background). We will be right back after this commercial break.
-----------------------------------------------------
Male Announcer: And now we will be privileged to hear the first-ever advertisement delivered by a cat.
Chaos: Mrow vow.
Announcer: Er, could someone translate for us please?
Morwen: He said, Hello to you too.
Announcer: Ah. Well.begin!
Chaos: Mrow, mroov! Rowmeow *screech*.
Morwen: He.er.said he.didn't want to.
Announcer: (faintly) Didn't want to?
Morwen: Correct.
Chaos: Vrow mroovmeow mrow, mrow!
Morwen: He, er, says he doesn't want to work for you.
Announcer: For me?
Morwen: Yes.
Announcer: Why not?
Morwen: He says you own a dog.
Chaos: Mrow!
Announcer: @#$$%!!! You're fired, puss.get off my commercial.
---------------------------------
Zina: And we're back. `Fraid we're nearly out of time, though. We can accept a few calls, and then this discussion will be continued in our next episode, "Princesses, Part II". Let's see, Zemenar, you're on the air.
Zemenar: How come Antorell didn't get a chance to talk?
Zina: He will most certainly get to on our next episode, we simply ran out of time.
Antorell: Father, you're dead. What are you doing on Enchanted Radio?
Zina: These things happen on radio. I remember one time we had a warlock who'd been dead for a hundred years as our star guest. He was very interesting, actually, delivered a speech on -
Zemenar: You're getting off-topic. I'm hanging up. This is a stupid show. *click*
Zina: Thank goodness. Next we have.Zareth, you're on the air.
Zareth: I'm not a dread dragon. Not unless you're a stupid princess.
Zina: Well, she was.er.a princess.
Keredwel: How dare you call me stupid, you hideous monster! Alas, for not only have I led a hard and woeful life, but I am now to be insulted by radio callers.
Zareth: This is stupid. *click*
Zina: Mendenbar, you're on the air.
Mendenbar: Hello, everyone. Hi, honey.
Cimorene: Hi.
Mendenbar: I think this is a great discussion. I personally think that princesses are empty-headed, dull, conniving, and have less wits than a fly. They've always struck me that way. Except for you, of course, Cimorene.
Cimorene: Thank you.
Keredwel: Alas, for he does it too! I take insult at your remark, your Royal Majesty. For surely I am neither empty-headed, nor dull, nor conniving. Haryd, the princes who rescued me from the dread dragon Zareth, always said that I was very witty. (cries) Ah.Haryd.I miss him so.
Mendenbar: I'm sorry if that was rather indelicate, but I think it's true.
Cimorene: Me too.
Alianora: Mm-hmm.
Zina: Yes. And that is all the time we have today, folks! Join us next time on It's Just Magic with Zina Mayk!