The Nine Go Shopping – Episode III!!!

A/N: Blue Alien: In answer to your ponderings, I dedicated the first chapter to the Columbia astronauts because I wrote the story on the day of the crash, so I thought it seemed quite appropriate. It really doesn't have anything to do with the story.

OK, everybody, thanx for your reviews! Now on with the story, I am sure you're anxious, considering my lapse in imagination:

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Chapter 2

"Hello you nine pathetic morons," Eight reads out loud, "I knew you would come looking for me here! I don't know how, but I knew it! MWAHAHA- anyway, perhaps I should introduce myself now, because you don't seem to have given me any time to do so before. I won't give you my name, for matters of security, but I can tell you that this is my ring now and that you should bug off because I found it so I get to keep it. Wait, I didn't find it, did I? It came to me! It was a birthday present! Well, anyway, since I am so smart, I knew you would come looking for me and I decided to find a job somewhere else, leaving this note behind in a barrel of gold rings. Oh the irony!!

"So hasta la vista, morons – you'll never find me this time! MWAHAHAHAHAAA!!"

Here Eight finishes disgustedly.

Says Three, "I didn't know you were leaving the group, Eight. You didn't have to insult us."

"I am NOT leaving the group, you idiot, I was just reading this note!" screams Eight. The crowd never ceases to stare. "Now people, let's concentrate. Think like what's his face Sherlock Holmes. OK, so let's see. He's a jeweler, isn't he? So where would a jeweler go?"

"South Africa?" queries Five.

"No, you paramecium, a jewelry store," retorts Eight. "Now, if you look closely at this note, you can just make out a watermarked crest." He holds the note up to the light. There is indeed a watermark: Kay jewelers.

"Oh, great," says Six, "we have to go back to the mall."

"First," says Eight, "I'm telephoning Sauron. Let's go, riders."

They tromp out of FAO Schwartz.

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Five minutes later, the Nine are crammed into a phone booth. Eight has to dial three times before he realizes he has to insert change, something which none of the Nazgul have. So instead they pawn off their cloaks and get a cell phone. (A/N: Please take a moment to picture the Nine in barrel costumes on the streets of a big city.) So Eight dials Sauron's number and waits for the evil dude to pick up.

"Hi, Saruman," Sauron says in a stupid valley-girl voice.

Eight is seething. "This is NOT Saruman, you twit, this is Nazgul Number Eight, and I have an urgent request!"

Sauron can be heard fumbling around. Finally he clears his throat. "What is it, minion? You know I am very busy."

"Yes, yes, I know the feeling. We know where the jeweler dude is."

"Oh, smart one, where did you find him?"

"I only said we know where he is, not that we'd found him," Eight grumbles. "Listen, Sauron, we had to sell our raiment so we could get a phone and call you. Will you just be obliged, or something, to grant us our request?"

"Oh, and what is your request?"

"We need you to get your boyfriend Saruman to send in the Uruk-Hai," spits Eight (A/N: Thanx psychoman364!).

"Why should I?"

This had to be the last straw for poor Eight, who now screams, "Listen, buster, we are looking for your ring. This is not our problem. If you have something against our tactics, then, well, we'll just –"

Sauron, realizing that he is potentially losing his employees, suddenly becomes very obliging. "Oh, um, OK, the Uruks will be there tomorrow. Bye-bye!" Then he hangs up.

Eight turns to his fellow Nazgul and smiles evilly. This had to be worth the barrel costumes. Well, almost, anyway.