Zina: Hello again, and welcome to this episode of It's Just Magic with Zina Mayk! Our topic today is "Princesses: Part II" and we have back with us our panel of highly interesting guests. Let's have a welcome for Queen Cimorene of the Enchanted Forest, Queen Hallanna of Sathem-by-the-Mountains, Queen Alianora, formerly the Princess of Toure-on-marsh, Princess Keredwel of Poranbuth, and Antorell the wizard. All of these –
Antorell: Erm.
Zina: --All of these but Antorell are or have been princesses and have sportingly agreed to share their ideas with us today! When last we aired, we heard from Alianora and Keredwel on the topic of "Do You Enjoy Being a Princess?" Our next question is for Queen Hallanna and Antorell. What is your opinion of the intelligence level possessed by most princesses? Hallanna?
Hallanna: (frostily) I do hope you are not implying anything.
Zina: Of course not.
Hallanna: Good. Well then. I think that princesses are the most unfortunate of creatures, though they sit in the lap of luxury. For forced upon them – upon us – is the grueling task of finding a suitable match and securing the happiness of our kingdoms. For this there must be a high level of intelligence, wit, and courage, and it is my belief that princesses are among the most intelligent of creatures.
Zina: You sound as though you've experience.
Hallanna: (still more frostily) Madam, I was a princess.
Zina: Ah, yes…anyway, Antorell? Any thoughts?
Antorell: (loftily) I do not mean to undermine the ability of any of the members of the delicate sex, but quite frankly I think that princesses tend to the, shall we say, silly side? Compared with the knowledge of wizards, really…they are so trusting and obliging that they can hardly be considered among intelligent circles. For example, when Father and I visited Queen Cimorene when she was the princess of the dragon Kazul, she led us straight into the lair of the dragon and allowed Father to find most valuable information concerning the Caves of Fire and Night and Colin's Stone. This alone shows lack of, shall we say, cleverness.
Zina: An interesting debate.
Keredwel: Woe upon me, for here is one who blatantly criticizes the intelligence possessed by my kind. Alas, for I have no place to turn without being faced by opposition…(dissolves into tears)…indeed, what a grievous lot is mine.
Cimorene: I have a word on this. Antorell is the one who 'lacks cleverness'. Really. Letting them into Kazul's caves in the first place was a major part in stopping the wizards. So where did their valuable information get them then, huh? Tell me that.
Antorell: I shall make no comment on your extreme, uncalled for rudeness. I shall not be provoked.
Zina: We'll be back after these messages!
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Gypsy Jack: How can you 'show someone the world' with a broken magic carpet? Or go to Oz when your ruby slippers lost a buckle? You might be wondering how to communicate through a cracked magic mirror, or ride a broomstick that's falling to shreds. Well, here's your answer. Here at Gypsy Jack's, we can fix nearly everything…but if you expect me to fight off your wizards, don't bother coming. Anyhow, what I meant to say was, come see me and I'll fix whatever you're problem is for an enormously high – er, I mean fantastically low – price. And, by the way, if anyone knows a good spell to keep the windows clean, I wouldn't object to getting in touch…
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Princess: Listen, eligible youths, and take heed! For I am a lonely princess, fair of face and sweet of nature, who is in need of a handsome darling to sweep me off of my tiny glass-slippered feet. I possess such charms as hair like the golden sun, eyes bluer than a sunny-day sky, a gentle touch, a soft voice, and innumerable other attractions. But alas, I have been cast from the palace by my wicked stepmother and made to make my way in the world with naught but a diamond tiara and…the ability to place personal ads on the local radio. Please, contact me directly, before I shall perish in the wilderness or be eaten by a dreadful ogre or carried off by a terrifying dragon or captured by an evil witch or brutally murdered by an angry jinn or –
Curt Male Voice: Sorry, lady, your time's up.
Princess: But I wasn't finished! I could also be attacked by a fearful nightshade or taken by a scary giant or –
Curt Male Voice: Yeah, chick, we get the point. Now get out of here.
Princess: You would doom me to die, then? (dissolves in tears)
*click*
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Zina: And we're back to It's Just Magic with Zina Mayk! We now have time for a few callers. First off is Queen Ella of Noitcefrep, who some of the radio audience might know informally as 'Cinderella'. Ella, you're on the air.
Ella: I just want to say that I always knew I was born to be a princess. Even when my wicked stepmother had me on my knees sweeping ashes from the hearth, I knew that I was born to higher stuff than that. My beauty is such that it alone should be able to prove –
Zina: Isn't this a little off topic?
Ella: (poutily) No. I'm talking about being a princess.
Zina: Thank you for your insight, Tell of Noitcefrep. Goodbye.
Ella: Hey—
*click*
Zina: Next we have Princess Snow, of Eltsac-ni-eht-Doulc, and her husband, one of the many Prince Charmings that populate our area. Snow, Charming, you're on the air.
Snow: (bashfully) Hi.
Charming: Hello.
Snow: Well…
Zina: Yes?
Snow: I just wanted to say…
Zina: Say what?
Snow: I love you, sweetie.
Charming: Thanks. Love you too, Snow.
Zina: Excuse me, Princess Snow, but what did you have to say about being a princess?
Snow: A princess? I had to say something about being a princess?
Zina: (testily) Yes.
Snow: (timidly) I'm sorry, I didn't know…
Charming: Aw, let's just leave. This is stupid. *click*
Zina: We really aren't having much luck today. I think we'll leave it there. That's it for today's episode of It's Just Magic with Zina Mayk! Be sure to catch our next episode!