The Nine Go Shopping – Episode III!!!

Chapter 3

The Nine locate the dreaded mall after an hour of searching. It is now dusk, and the sun is quickly dipping below the horizon. Since the Uruks aren't going to show up for at least another twelve hours, the Nazgul locate a deserted alley close to the mall and start a campfire (yeah, I know this is stupid). Unfortunately, it begins to rain, and all they get for a fire is a few glowing embers.

"@#$%," mutters Eight.

"@#$%," mutters a strange-but-not-so-strange voice.

"Who said that?" whispers Three.

"Who said that?" whispers the voice.

"Whatever it is, it's hiding in the trashcan over there," growls One.

"Whatever it is, it's hiding in the trashcan over – AACK!!" the voice screams as Eight lifts its owner up and out of the trashcan by its stringy black hair. "We – we didn't do nothing, no! We just wants –"

"SHUT UP!" screams Eight. He leans in toward the thing. "Who are you?" he asks ominously.

The creature whimpers, mutters a faint gollum – gollum, and is silent.

"Answer!" booms Eight.

Suddenly Five cries, "Wait, I know who he is! He's that ugly fellow we had to interrogate a few months ago, before the War of the Ring!" (A/N: For my own purposes, I have modified the story of LOTR so that when Smeagol – the creature is Smeagol, in case you didn't already know that – falls into the fires of Mount Doom with the Precious, he and the Ring are not destroyed, but instead cast onto opposite ends of another dimension – in this case, Earth. If for some reason you are confused, do not worry. It's OK to be confused. Anyway, back to the story.)

"No, that can't be right, you fool," says Eight. Then he cries, "Wait, I know! He's that ugly fellow we had to interrogate a few months ago, before the War of the Ring! Why didn't I see it before?"

Five is silently fuming.

Smeagol nods tersely, and again emits a faint gollum – gollum.

"Who sent you?" growls Eight.

Smeagol, who is frightened out of his wits, starts muttering to himself. "We is not telling them, no, we isn't, we is being good little Gollum, yes we is. They is not –"

"Be silent!" roars Eight. "Be silent and answer me!"

Smeagol is silent. Hey, Eight was asking for it, for Sauron's sake.

"Just answer me, will you? Now WHO SENT YOU?!" yells Eight.

"We was not sent, no, we wasn't. We falls through big mountain, yes, and we ends up here. They thinks we is dead, but we isn't. But we needs fishes, precious fishes, precious… fishes… gollum – gollum. We is not needing Precious, no, we isn't, Precious abandoned us, it did. We hates it… gollum – gollum."

"Hm, interesting story," Eight says casually. "You know what? I don't think you're telling us the real one."

"We is! We is! We is not needing Precious! Go away, leave us alone! We-*sniffle*-needs-fishes… gollum – gollum."

"Poor bugger," remarks Two.

"Pity, pity. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Now, Smeagol, we're going to offer you a deal. We'll take you back to the Misty Mountains, with a brand new ring that will make you invisible – but not obsessive – IF you help us find the One Ring. Is it a deal?" says Eight.

Smeagol thinks it over for about two seconds, and then says, "Yes, we takes offer, deal!"

"Good. Be here at ten o'clock tomorrow morning. The Uruks will be here by then," Eight smirks. He doesn't notice Smeagol blanch, and retreat back to the trashcan. In Eight's mind, this is brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

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Please review! Thanx, all.

~ Anoriel