Zina: Hello again, and welcome once more to our newest episode of "It's Just Magic" with Zina Mayk! Although this was supposed to be a continuation of 'Household Pests and What To Do About Them', we've had to postpone said continuation indefinitely due to a few slight disagreements among the guest stars for 'Household Pests'. But do not let this dismay you – we have created a new, exciting episode for your perusal. Our topic today will be 'Dragons vs. Wizards', and we have a slew of guests for today's discussion.

Zina: Today we have with us several representatives of either party. Please welcome Kazul, King of the Dragons in the Mountains of Morning; Antorell of the Society of Wizards; Antorell's father, Zemenar; Roxim of the Mountains of Morning, and last but not least Woraug, former dragon of the Mountains of Morning, and his interpreter.

Antorell: Interpreter?

Zina: I'm afraid none of us speak Toadish very fluently, so we've hired Hylrentatha of Perlmanju to translate Woraug's thoughts for our show.

Hylrentatha of Perlmanju: I thank you for the honor you have bestowed upon me.

Zemenar: But – she's a princess!

Zina: (dryly) So I noticed.

Hylrentatha: Indeed, I am a hapless Princess of Perlmanju, cast from my kingdom and my rightful throne by my wicked stepmother…

Kazul: Really, Zina, when I agreed to the show I didn't agree to being subjected to a *princess*.

Zina: She does speak Toadish, which is a point in her favor…

Kazul: One point. Only one.

Woraug: Rrrribit.

Hylrentatha: Your friend the enchanted toad says he is feeling quite left out of this conversation, as he is unable to participate freely as are the rest of you. Alas, so do I, for I have been shunned every since my stepmother –

Zina: Yeah, yeah, we know. I'm sorry, Woraug, but I'm afraid this is the only solution.

Hylrentatha: Perhaps there is a way to return him to his natural form. If I were to kiss him –


Everyone: NO!

Woraug: Crrroak!

Hylrentatha: (sulkily) It was a mere suggestion.

Zina: (brisky) Right, let's get on to our discussion of the day. Dragons vs. Wizards – why the enmity? Which species is better?

Kazul and Roxim: Dragons!

Zemenar and Antorell: Wizards!

Woraug: Rrribitt!

Hylrentatha: He says he wouldn't mind a kiss.

Zina: I would. Besides, he's a dragon, not a prince.

Kazul: A pitiful dragon, at that.

Roxim: Very. Did I tell you about the time he poisoned the King of the Dragons? Used a dragonsbane pouch, he did. Sneaky – very sneaky. You can't trust a dragon like that, even if he is a toad. He –

Zina: We know. Now, let's move on…drat, commercial break. Hang in there, people, and we'll be back to you after these brief messages.

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Brunhilde: (muted) Is this on?

Male Voice: (muted) Yes, go ahead…you're on the air.

Brunhilde: (muted) Are you sure?

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Male Voice: (muted) What now?

Brunhilde: (muted) What's the number?

Male Voice: (muted) 1-800-HELP.

Brunhilde: (clearer) What he said. Call that number to apply now!

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Zina: Now we're back, saved from idiots who don't know how to use an ad mirror before they start their commercial. Now, next topic in our discussion today: this one's for the wizards. Antorell, Zemenar, why steal magic?

Zemenar: Because it is not an inborn trait, as it is with witches or dragons. However, "steal" is not an appropriate word. We prefer the term "harvest". The harvesting of magic helps us in our scholarly advancements –

Kazul: Scholarly advancements, my claw.

Roxim: Sneaky, sneaky, just like I always said. Can't trust a wizard, ever.

Zina: Thank you for your opinion, Roxim. Anyway, let's hear now from Antorell.

Antorell: Huh?

Zina: Your turn to answer my question…

Antorell: Can you, uh, repeat the question?

Zina: (sigh) Why do you steal magic?

Antorell: I don't know.

Woraug: Crrroak.

Hylrentatha: He says, this is boring.

Zina: So sue me. Okay, now one for the dragons – why can't you coexist with the wizards? ("Let There Be Peace On Earth" begins to play in background…)

Zina: Shut that off immediately, please. (Music stops abruptly)

Zemenar: Well should you ask such a thing, Zina. I have always desired to be able to live in peace with our neighbors the dragons, but their habits are so crude – so appalling – that such is made impossible.

Zina: (frostily) Are you a dragon?

Zemenar: No, but –

Zina: My point exactly. I know – let's let Woraug answer this one first.

Woraug: Crriiikk, rrrribbitt.

Hylrentatha: He says…he's never understood why wizards and dragons can't coexist either.

Woraug: Crrroakk, crrriiikk.

Hylrentatha: He claims that all of the uproar a few years ago, after Tokoz died, was all a misunderstanding. In collaborating with wizards Woraug was only trying to bring harmony to the two peoples.

Woraug: Rrribit.

Hylrentatha: He says he should be turned back into a dragon and made King, and then he could establish ties with the wizards.

Kazul: Fat chance, toad.

Roxim: Sneaky, sneaky, that dragon – toad – is, just like wizards. Never trust that one, I say.

Zina: Kazul, what are your thoughts? Wait – tell us after these messages.

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Rippling music plays in background…

Soft Female Voice: Are you getting tired of getting old? Can you feel your smooth Princess skin turning into hard witchy scales? Is your Prince Charming beginning to look at you as if you've grown an extra head?

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Zina: Are you feeling a need for excitement in your life? Tune in to Enchanted Radio to hear the newest listening sensation, It's Just Magic! At noon on weekdays, this show is packed with humor, drama, and as much wackiness as you can stomach. Turn on the radio today!

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Zina: (mildly surprised) Hey, that was me. Anyway – oh, darn, we're out of discussion time for the day. We have to take a few calls. Alianora, you're on the air…

Alianora: Hello. Hello, Kazul, hello, Roxim!

Woraug: Rrribbitt.

Hylrentatha: Woraug says this is absolutely shameful and if Alianora comes up with one false accusation regarding him, he's leaving the show.

Alianora: Oh, don't worry, they're none of them false. But what I really wanted to say was to Kazul. It's about the Devilish Dragons fan club – can I join?

Kazul: What?

Alianora: (reading from brochure) 'Devilish Dragon's fanclub – a club for ex-princesses and dragon-lovers. Meets once a week at Moranz's cave in the Mountains of Morning. Snacks provided.'

Kazul: Uh, I really don't think you should join.

Alianora: Why not?

Kazul: Let me call you up later and we'll talk it over, okay?

Alianora: Whatever. *click*

Zina: Our last caller of the day – Hagatha, you're on the air!

Hagatha: Hylrentatha! I've been looking everywhere for you, we've all been so worried!

Hylrentatha: Stepmother??? What are you doing on Enchanted Radio?

Hagatha: We've been looking all over for you for two weeks, Hylli. Ever since you ran away – I had no idea you'd made a career in Toadish –

Hylrentatha: (bursts into tears) Alas, woe is me! For my wicked stepmother has pursued me even to Enchanted radio!

Hagatha: Sweetheart, all we want is your safe return…

Zina: Sorry, that's all the time we have for today. See you next time on It's Just Magic! With Zina Mayk.