The Nine Go Shopping - Episode III!!!

Chapter Seven

In our last chapter, our heroes were having some slight problems. Two, sent to scout for the Evil Jeweler Dude, has been held back by an unseen force, while his compatriots outside are attracting a rather large crowd. Back at Middle Earth, Sauron and his boyfriend Saruman Reincarnate are battling it out over the Uruk-Hai.

What is the strange force holding Two back from the elevator? Why is Eight such a stiff? Will Sauron and Saruman Reincarnate ever resolve their lovers' dispute? Will the Ring ever be retrieved? Will Anoriel ever get her allowance? Find out now - in the seventh installment of The Nine Go Shopping - Episode III!!!

(Insert corny theme song here.)

- Mall -

Two struggles to get to the elevator and fails miserably, ending up with a scraped knee for his pains.

Suddenly: "MWAHAHAHAHA!!!" An all-too-familiar laugh can be heard from the general direction of Kay Jewelers. The Evil Jeweler Dude is standing up on the counter, brandishing the Ring of Power in his right hand. "You cannot escape the power of the Ring!" he cries wickedly, like the Evil Jeweler Dude he is. "So don't even try!"

"You'll never get away with this, human!" roars Two, still struggling against the power of the Ring.

"Oh, but I will! And you can't stop me! MWAHAHAHAHA!" He jumps down from the counter, still brandishing the Ring. "Now tell me, pitiful scum, where are your eight little friends?"

* * *

- Parking Lot -

It just so happens that seven of the other Nazgul are still playing leap-frog, with Eight looking on disdainfully. Ten would also be looking on disdainfully, but he doesn't count, of course. They are still behaving in this manner when Two mummy-walks out of the building.

Eight runs angrily over to him. "Well?" he mutters. Two is so late. If looks could kill...

"Ha!" cries a voice. The Evil Jeweler Dude skips merrily out of the building, now with Eight under the power of the Ring. It doesn't take him long to snag the rest of them. He drags them with him on an invisible leash toward a large freight truck. He opens up the back and forces them inside. He shuts it and locks it and stops brandishing the Ring.

"Whew," he says. "All that Ring-brandishing can really take it out of a guy. Time for a spot of lunch, I think." He is heading back toward the mall when a small whitish ugly thing hits him. Then, in a voice we all know and love:

"Rarrgh! Precious is not yours! We kills you, we does!"

* * *

- Isengard -

"Sauron, you're the all-powerful villain here, can't you just conjure up the Uruk-Hai?" asks Saruman Reincarnate rather irritably.

"Me? You're the wizard! See if you can conjure up an army of Super-Orcs!" scoffs Sauron.

"You idiot! My staff and powers are gone, remember?" Saruman Reincarnate scoffs right back.

Sauron can be heard cussing in the Dark Tongue on the other end.

"Fine. Three weeks. But if the Nazgul quit, and the Ring is lost, then I can safely blame it on you, Saruman," Sauron says resignedly.

"Good. And remember, it's Saruman Reincarnate."

* * *

- Parking Lot -

Smeagol and the Evil Jeweler Dude are battling it out on the pavement.

"Give us the Precious!"

"Never! Mwahaha!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!" cries Smeagol, and, with an evil grin, he puts his bony fingers around the Jeweler Dude's neck and tightens them. The Evil Jeweler Dude's face turns blue.

The fat lady who complained about Two's barrel calls the police.

Smeagol picks the Ring out of the Evil Jeweler Dude's pocket and scampers toward the locked truck. He unbolts it, and the Nazgul walk dazedly out. They are free. They have the Ring, at least after they wrest it from Smeagol. Can it get any better?

No. It can only get worse.

Just then, a couple of police cars screech into the parking lot. About four policemen get out of the cars and approach Smeagol and the Nazgul. Three of them start handcuffing the lot of them. The other starts talking.

"You have the right to remain silent..."

* * *

That is the end of The Nine Go Shopping - Episode III!!! Sorry to leave it at such a cliffhanger.

Be happy. I am going to write another installment. Look for it in the near future.

Until then - you know the routine - review!

~ Anoriel

By the way, I never did get my allowance.