Bring Me Back To Life
how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where i've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become
now that i know what i'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life
wake me up inside (I can't wake up)
wake me up inside (I can't wake up)
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become
bring me to life
frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead
all this time i can't believe i couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
i've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life
~Evanescence
Ron Weasley groaned as the sound of his alarm clock cut his dream short. He was dreaming of he and Harry, but that was nothing out of the ordinary, Harry was a permanent fixture in all of Ron's dreams. Dreams were the only place that Ron and Harry could ever be together and live out the happy life that they had planned only 5 short years before.
Ron's heart shattered and broke all over again, like it did everyday when reality robbed him of his dreams. Today was July 31st, Harry's birthday, but there would be no party. Harry should have turned 23 today but he would forever be 18. Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, had died in his final battle against Voldemort. He had paid the ultimate price in freeing the wizarding world of the darkest wizard in their history. Voldemort had also perished, but it brought Ron no comfort because he would never hold Harry in his arms again. He had tried to move on with his life, but to no avail. After Harry's death he had done the next best thing, he had escaped. One month after Harry's funeral he packed up his belongings and moved to America. San Francisco, California to be exact. He now lived in a small flat in the infamous Castro district. It was the gay hot spot and Ron thought that he could find someone to love there, but that was 5 years ago and that illusion no longer existed for him. His days and nights were filled with meaningless sex with men who shared certain qualities with Harry, green eyes, or unruly black hair, but none of them filled the empty space in Ron's life.
Silent tears coursed down Ron's face as he looked back on what his life had become. He hadn't spoken to his family or friends in 5 years, he had only left him a note stating that he couldn't pretend to go on with his life anymore, and that while he was not going to kill himself physically, that he was leaving England and that Ron Weasley would no longer exist after he arrived in his new home. He could imagine the hurt that the note had caused but he had not cared at the time, and now that he did he was ashamed to go home to his family and friends and face up to what he'd done. Facing his family and friends was not the only thing Ron would have to face, he would also be forced to face all of the demons that haunted him about Harry's death, and that was something Ron felt he would never be ready to face, not in this lifetime or any other. So instead Ron Weasley had become Scott Collins, a bartender at one of the many bars that filled his neighborhood, and it was there that he met all of the meaningless fucks that now filled his bed at night. The only reason he had woken up alone this morning was because he had chosen not to bring anyone home last night, he had not wanted to wake up on Harry's birthday with a quick fuck in his bed, it felt wrong somehow. He had taken the day off from work today and had decided instead to stay at home where he could mourn in solitude, where for just one day he could be Ron Weasley again, even if there was no one there to witness it but himself. Scott Collins did not exist today, today he would be the person he had been all his life, today he would pay Harry this small tribute and not be the man he was sure that Harry would be deeply disappointed in.
~~The Burrow~~
His birthday was almost over. This year had been just as bad as the last one if not worse. Harry sighed as he sat staring pointlessly out the window of the Burrow. His body and heart ached. It had been 5 long years without the man he loved. According to everyone's accounts, Ron had fled only a month after his "funeral", too distraught to attempt life without him. Harry cursed himself everyday for going along with Fudge's grand plan. Initially the wizarding world had been led to believe that Harry had died in his final battle against Voldemort, and while he nearly had he managed to escape, Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic, had convinced Harry to let the wizarding world believe it so that they could safely capture what remained of Voldemorts followers without putting Harry or those he loved in any further danger. Harry had reluctantly agreed, only because so many that he cared about had died already and he could not bear to lose anyone else. The Weasley family had suffered great loses in the war, Bill, Charlie, and Percy had all died as had many of Harry's classmates and friends, Cedric Diggory, Cho Chang, Lee Jordan, Colin Creevey, Seamus Finnegan, Hagrid, Albus Dumbledore, the list went on and on. Fudge's plan had worked, and the wizarding community was now a place of relative peace where wizards and witches could enjoy life without the dark cloud of Lord Voldemort and his followers hanging over their heads. The days of wondering if your loved one would ever make it home alive was gone, gone for the all the wizarding world except for Harry and the Weasleys. Ron had disappeared without a trace a month before Harry had returned from the dead; no one knew where he was, he had left a short note, and disappeared one morning without a clue as to where he had gone. Harry and the Weasleys had spent countless hours, months, days and years looking for him, but it was clear that where ever Ron went he had no intention of ever being found again. A tear coursed down Harry's cheek at the thought of Ron out there in the world believing him dead when the exact opposite was true.
He lived with the Weasleys now, he occupied Ron's old room, it was bittersweet, but even after all these years Harry swore he could still smell Ron's scent on the sheets. The Burrow was the site of so many memories, good and bad, but all of them involved his lover. Hermione had suggested that Harry move out of the Burrow for his sanity's sake, but Harry had refused, staying close to the Weasleys made him feel closer to Ron, and sanity be damned, Harry needed to feel that closeness.
"Penny for your thoughts"
Harry turned and smiled half-heartedly at Hermione Granger, his best friend, one third of the infamous Hogwarts Trio. Hermione stepped closer to him and reached out for his hand, the two friends stood in silence, both lost in their own thoughts. Hermione had suffered just as much loss as Harry had in the war. Voldemort had murdered her parents in order to strike at Harry, and it had nearly worked. After her parents were killed Harry had tried to put as much distance as he could between himself and those he cared about, he did not want them in harm's way, but Hermione would have none of it. As always she had been stubborn and insisted that Harry was in no way responsible for the death of her parents. Harry had eventually come around and he was glad that he did because he had needed all the love and support of his friends in his final battle with Voldemort.
"I miss him so much Mione"
"I know Harry, I miss him too"
"It's all my fault, I never should have gone along with Fudge's plan"
"Harry, you can't continue to blame yourself, you did what you thought was right to protect the people you loved"
Harry snickered. "Yeah, good and noble Harry Potter, always putting others before him, and look at him now, completely buggered, living a half life without the man he loves"
"We'll find him Harry"
"I don't think so Mione, I used to think that we would, but not anymore. I've lost all hope. We've looked everywhere for him, we've searched the whole bloody world, and there isn't one trace of him."
"Harry, I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm going to say it anyway. You need to move on with your life. Ron has been gone for five years, and while I hope we find him, we've got to live. All our sacrifices will have been worth nothing if we don't live the life we fought so hard to keep"
"There is no life for me without him"
"I'm leaving the Burrow, Harry"
Harry turned towards his friend, a look of shock on his face. "WHAT!?!"
"I can't live here anymore. I will forever be grateful to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley for taking me in after my parents were murdered, but this place is just too sad. Everyone's life here has stopped, been put on hold. The sadness here is drowning me and I refuse to let it drown me anymore than it has. We've all lost so much but I intend to go on living, I will not join the ranks of the walking dead, and I will not dishonor the truly dead by ceasing to live the life they died for me to have"
"When are you leaving?" Harry asked, his voice flat and devoid of any emotion
"Tomorrow"
"Not wasting any time then are you?"
"I've wasted entirely too much time Harry.Percy never would have wanted this for me, he would have wanted me to go on living"
"We'll never know what Percy wanted, he's dead" Harry stated, bitterness lacing his words. Hermione drew back, she understood that Harry was hurting but she refused to be his whipping post.
"You will not speak to me that way! You have no idea what Percy was truly like! Only a few of us did, and I KNOW HE WOULDN'T WANT THIS FOR ME!"
Harry shrank back from his friend. He knew he had crossed a line. He stepped back towards Hermione and wrapped his arms around her. After a minute she returned the embrace.
"I'm sorry Mione, I shouldn't have said that, I just don't want you to leave me. I'll be terribly sad without you"
"Come with me Harry. The flat I'm renting has two bedrooms we could share an apartment and start to rebuild our lives slowly. Please Harry, please think about it. It kills me to see you like this, and while I will do this with or without you it would be so much easier to do this together"
"Mione-"
"Please just tell me you'll at least think about it"
Harry sighed. "Alright, I'll think about it, but I can't promise anything"
"Good, I leave tomorrow evening so you'll need to be packed and ready to go by about 7" She gave Harry a kiss on the cheek and made her way up the stairs to Percy's old bedroom.
Harry wished now more than ever that he could stop thinking. His mind was on overdrive. The small logical part of him that still existed knew that Hermione had a point, that he should try and move on with his life, but he felt like that would be a betrayal to Ron.and to the Weasleys, his surrogate family. Could he go one without Ron? Was there really a life for him without Ron? Was it even worth it to try and find out? Harry needed something to make him feel alive again, was this the solution? He didn't know, and he only had until 7 pm the following day to figure it out.
"Mum, Dad, I've never needed parental guidance as much as I need it now, please help me! Give me a sign! Where does my happiness lie? Point me in the right direction."
Harry sighed, turned out the lights and slowly made his way to his room before succumbing to a fitful sleep filled with images of Ron.
The bar was dead when Ron arrived, but it was still early, 9pm, and things probably wouldn't pick up for another few hours. Ron had chosen his attire carefully, black leather pants, black boots, and an emerald green shirt that hugged his body in all the right places. He needed a warm body in his bed tonight, needed to feel that empty momentary closeness with someone.
"Looking good Scott"
"Thanks Blake"
Blake Evans was the manager of the bar in which Ron worked. Ron had of coursed slept with him not long after he arrived in San Francisco. That's how he had gotten the job.
"Out on the prowl again?"
"Always" Ron grinned at Blake. He knew that Blake would like a repeat performance of their night together, but Ron had no intention of repeating any night with any of his conquests. They merely suited a purpose for a brief moment in time and that was it, that's all it could ever be, no one would ever possess him, he was already taken.
Blake walked away from his bartender, his sexy, beautiful bartender. They had shared one passionate night, but that had been it. He had wanted more, but Scott had pushed him away. Something haunted him, Blake was sure of that, you only needed to look into his eyes, they were dead, and held no emotion. Even when they had shared their night together his eyes had been dull and lifeless, only in the throes of his orgasm had Scott shown any emotion, and even then it was not Blake's name that he had cried. He wasn't sure what the name was Larry, Cary, something along those lines. Whatever lover had spurned him still hung over Scott's head, and so every night Blake watched him take home meaningless fucks. It saddened Blake. Scott was quite a catch but it was obvious that no one would ever catch him. He never took the holidays off unless Blake closed the bar, he never even took a weeks vacation. No, Scott's only request in the time that he had worked for him had been that he be given July 31st off, July 31st a random and odd day, but Blake supposed that while it was a random day for others, it was extremely significant to Scott.
Scott Collins was an utter mystery to him, he never spoke of his family, he didn't seem to have any friends, and if you questioned him about his past he was quick to shut you down. It was a pity that he seemed utterly alone in the world, and Blake wished that he could help Scott come to terms with some of the demons that haunted him, but he hadn't succeeded in the five years he had known him, he doubted he would ever succeed even if he knew Scott for a hundred years. Blake often wondered if Scott Collins really was Scott Collins, Scott Collins didn't seem to have a past, he had mysteriously appeared 5 years ago, out of thin air, it was odd, eerie, like some magical force had transported this stranger into his life. He sighed, he needed to stop thinking about Scott, he only ended up with a headache when trying to figure out all the complexities of his bartender.
"Hey Scott"
"Yeah?"
"I have something I would like discuss with you, do you think you could stick around after we close?"
"Sure, as long as it's not too long, I'm hoping I'll have other business to attend tonight as well"
Blake laughed. "I promise I won't keep you long"
"Alright then I suppose if they want me bad enough they'll have to wait till you're done with me" Ron grinned at him suggestively.
With that Blake walked away and began socializing with the men that had arrived for a night of drinking and dancing. Ron let the pulse of the music overtake him and he began scoping out the bar for any potential fucks, but as he looked around none of them caught his attention, no one with any of the qualities that he looked for. He hoped someone would show up that met his requirements he needed a warm body in his bed tonight, he needed to feel alive, even if only for that short moment when he came, pretending that it was Harry he was making love to.
how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where i've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become
now that i know what i'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life
wake me up inside (I can't wake up)
wake me up inside (I can't wake up)
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become
bring me to life
frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead
all this time i can't believe i couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
i've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life
~Evanescence
Ron Weasley groaned as the sound of his alarm clock cut his dream short. He was dreaming of he and Harry, but that was nothing out of the ordinary, Harry was a permanent fixture in all of Ron's dreams. Dreams were the only place that Ron and Harry could ever be together and live out the happy life that they had planned only 5 short years before.
Ron's heart shattered and broke all over again, like it did everyday when reality robbed him of his dreams. Today was July 31st, Harry's birthday, but there would be no party. Harry should have turned 23 today but he would forever be 18. Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, had died in his final battle against Voldemort. He had paid the ultimate price in freeing the wizarding world of the darkest wizard in their history. Voldemort had also perished, but it brought Ron no comfort because he would never hold Harry in his arms again. He had tried to move on with his life, but to no avail. After Harry's death he had done the next best thing, he had escaped. One month after Harry's funeral he packed up his belongings and moved to America. San Francisco, California to be exact. He now lived in a small flat in the infamous Castro district. It was the gay hot spot and Ron thought that he could find someone to love there, but that was 5 years ago and that illusion no longer existed for him. His days and nights were filled with meaningless sex with men who shared certain qualities with Harry, green eyes, or unruly black hair, but none of them filled the empty space in Ron's life.
Silent tears coursed down Ron's face as he looked back on what his life had become. He hadn't spoken to his family or friends in 5 years, he had only left him a note stating that he couldn't pretend to go on with his life anymore, and that while he was not going to kill himself physically, that he was leaving England and that Ron Weasley would no longer exist after he arrived in his new home. He could imagine the hurt that the note had caused but he had not cared at the time, and now that he did he was ashamed to go home to his family and friends and face up to what he'd done. Facing his family and friends was not the only thing Ron would have to face, he would also be forced to face all of the demons that haunted him about Harry's death, and that was something Ron felt he would never be ready to face, not in this lifetime or any other. So instead Ron Weasley had become Scott Collins, a bartender at one of the many bars that filled his neighborhood, and it was there that he met all of the meaningless fucks that now filled his bed at night. The only reason he had woken up alone this morning was because he had chosen not to bring anyone home last night, he had not wanted to wake up on Harry's birthday with a quick fuck in his bed, it felt wrong somehow. He had taken the day off from work today and had decided instead to stay at home where he could mourn in solitude, where for just one day he could be Ron Weasley again, even if there was no one there to witness it but himself. Scott Collins did not exist today, today he would be the person he had been all his life, today he would pay Harry this small tribute and not be the man he was sure that Harry would be deeply disappointed in.
~~The Burrow~~
His birthday was almost over. This year had been just as bad as the last one if not worse. Harry sighed as he sat staring pointlessly out the window of the Burrow. His body and heart ached. It had been 5 long years without the man he loved. According to everyone's accounts, Ron had fled only a month after his "funeral", too distraught to attempt life without him. Harry cursed himself everyday for going along with Fudge's grand plan. Initially the wizarding world had been led to believe that Harry had died in his final battle against Voldemort, and while he nearly had he managed to escape, Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic, had convinced Harry to let the wizarding world believe it so that they could safely capture what remained of Voldemorts followers without putting Harry or those he loved in any further danger. Harry had reluctantly agreed, only because so many that he cared about had died already and he could not bear to lose anyone else. The Weasley family had suffered great loses in the war, Bill, Charlie, and Percy had all died as had many of Harry's classmates and friends, Cedric Diggory, Cho Chang, Lee Jordan, Colin Creevey, Seamus Finnegan, Hagrid, Albus Dumbledore, the list went on and on. Fudge's plan had worked, and the wizarding community was now a place of relative peace where wizards and witches could enjoy life without the dark cloud of Lord Voldemort and his followers hanging over their heads. The days of wondering if your loved one would ever make it home alive was gone, gone for the all the wizarding world except for Harry and the Weasleys. Ron had disappeared without a trace a month before Harry had returned from the dead; no one knew where he was, he had left a short note, and disappeared one morning without a clue as to where he had gone. Harry and the Weasleys had spent countless hours, months, days and years looking for him, but it was clear that where ever Ron went he had no intention of ever being found again. A tear coursed down Harry's cheek at the thought of Ron out there in the world believing him dead when the exact opposite was true.
He lived with the Weasleys now, he occupied Ron's old room, it was bittersweet, but even after all these years Harry swore he could still smell Ron's scent on the sheets. The Burrow was the site of so many memories, good and bad, but all of them involved his lover. Hermione had suggested that Harry move out of the Burrow for his sanity's sake, but Harry had refused, staying close to the Weasleys made him feel closer to Ron, and sanity be damned, Harry needed to feel that closeness.
"Penny for your thoughts"
Harry turned and smiled half-heartedly at Hermione Granger, his best friend, one third of the infamous Hogwarts Trio. Hermione stepped closer to him and reached out for his hand, the two friends stood in silence, both lost in their own thoughts. Hermione had suffered just as much loss as Harry had in the war. Voldemort had murdered her parents in order to strike at Harry, and it had nearly worked. After her parents were killed Harry had tried to put as much distance as he could between himself and those he cared about, he did not want them in harm's way, but Hermione would have none of it. As always she had been stubborn and insisted that Harry was in no way responsible for the death of her parents. Harry had eventually come around and he was glad that he did because he had needed all the love and support of his friends in his final battle with Voldemort.
"I miss him so much Mione"
"I know Harry, I miss him too"
"It's all my fault, I never should have gone along with Fudge's plan"
"Harry, you can't continue to blame yourself, you did what you thought was right to protect the people you loved"
Harry snickered. "Yeah, good and noble Harry Potter, always putting others before him, and look at him now, completely buggered, living a half life without the man he loves"
"We'll find him Harry"
"I don't think so Mione, I used to think that we would, but not anymore. I've lost all hope. We've looked everywhere for him, we've searched the whole bloody world, and there isn't one trace of him."
"Harry, I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm going to say it anyway. You need to move on with your life. Ron has been gone for five years, and while I hope we find him, we've got to live. All our sacrifices will have been worth nothing if we don't live the life we fought so hard to keep"
"There is no life for me without him"
"I'm leaving the Burrow, Harry"
Harry turned towards his friend, a look of shock on his face. "WHAT!?!"
"I can't live here anymore. I will forever be grateful to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley for taking me in after my parents were murdered, but this place is just too sad. Everyone's life here has stopped, been put on hold. The sadness here is drowning me and I refuse to let it drown me anymore than it has. We've all lost so much but I intend to go on living, I will not join the ranks of the walking dead, and I will not dishonor the truly dead by ceasing to live the life they died for me to have"
"When are you leaving?" Harry asked, his voice flat and devoid of any emotion
"Tomorrow"
"Not wasting any time then are you?"
"I've wasted entirely too much time Harry.Percy never would have wanted this for me, he would have wanted me to go on living"
"We'll never know what Percy wanted, he's dead" Harry stated, bitterness lacing his words. Hermione drew back, she understood that Harry was hurting but she refused to be his whipping post.
"You will not speak to me that way! You have no idea what Percy was truly like! Only a few of us did, and I KNOW HE WOULDN'T WANT THIS FOR ME!"
Harry shrank back from his friend. He knew he had crossed a line. He stepped back towards Hermione and wrapped his arms around her. After a minute she returned the embrace.
"I'm sorry Mione, I shouldn't have said that, I just don't want you to leave me. I'll be terribly sad without you"
"Come with me Harry. The flat I'm renting has two bedrooms we could share an apartment and start to rebuild our lives slowly. Please Harry, please think about it. It kills me to see you like this, and while I will do this with or without you it would be so much easier to do this together"
"Mione-"
"Please just tell me you'll at least think about it"
Harry sighed. "Alright, I'll think about it, but I can't promise anything"
"Good, I leave tomorrow evening so you'll need to be packed and ready to go by about 7" She gave Harry a kiss on the cheek and made her way up the stairs to Percy's old bedroom.
Harry wished now more than ever that he could stop thinking. His mind was on overdrive. The small logical part of him that still existed knew that Hermione had a point, that he should try and move on with his life, but he felt like that would be a betrayal to Ron.and to the Weasleys, his surrogate family. Could he go one without Ron? Was there really a life for him without Ron? Was it even worth it to try and find out? Harry needed something to make him feel alive again, was this the solution? He didn't know, and he only had until 7 pm the following day to figure it out.
"Mum, Dad, I've never needed parental guidance as much as I need it now, please help me! Give me a sign! Where does my happiness lie? Point me in the right direction."
Harry sighed, turned out the lights and slowly made his way to his room before succumbing to a fitful sleep filled with images of Ron.
The bar was dead when Ron arrived, but it was still early, 9pm, and things probably wouldn't pick up for another few hours. Ron had chosen his attire carefully, black leather pants, black boots, and an emerald green shirt that hugged his body in all the right places. He needed a warm body in his bed tonight, needed to feel that empty momentary closeness with someone.
"Looking good Scott"
"Thanks Blake"
Blake Evans was the manager of the bar in which Ron worked. Ron had of coursed slept with him not long after he arrived in San Francisco. That's how he had gotten the job.
"Out on the prowl again?"
"Always" Ron grinned at Blake. He knew that Blake would like a repeat performance of their night together, but Ron had no intention of repeating any night with any of his conquests. They merely suited a purpose for a brief moment in time and that was it, that's all it could ever be, no one would ever possess him, he was already taken.
Blake walked away from his bartender, his sexy, beautiful bartender. They had shared one passionate night, but that had been it. He had wanted more, but Scott had pushed him away. Something haunted him, Blake was sure of that, you only needed to look into his eyes, they were dead, and held no emotion. Even when they had shared their night together his eyes had been dull and lifeless, only in the throes of his orgasm had Scott shown any emotion, and even then it was not Blake's name that he had cried. He wasn't sure what the name was Larry, Cary, something along those lines. Whatever lover had spurned him still hung over Scott's head, and so every night Blake watched him take home meaningless fucks. It saddened Blake. Scott was quite a catch but it was obvious that no one would ever catch him. He never took the holidays off unless Blake closed the bar, he never even took a weeks vacation. No, Scott's only request in the time that he had worked for him had been that he be given July 31st off, July 31st a random and odd day, but Blake supposed that while it was a random day for others, it was extremely significant to Scott.
Scott Collins was an utter mystery to him, he never spoke of his family, he didn't seem to have any friends, and if you questioned him about his past he was quick to shut you down. It was a pity that he seemed utterly alone in the world, and Blake wished that he could help Scott come to terms with some of the demons that haunted him, but he hadn't succeeded in the five years he had known him, he doubted he would ever succeed even if he knew Scott for a hundred years. Blake often wondered if Scott Collins really was Scott Collins, Scott Collins didn't seem to have a past, he had mysteriously appeared 5 years ago, out of thin air, it was odd, eerie, like some magical force had transported this stranger into his life. He sighed, he needed to stop thinking about Scott, he only ended up with a headache when trying to figure out all the complexities of his bartender.
"Hey Scott"
"Yeah?"
"I have something I would like discuss with you, do you think you could stick around after we close?"
"Sure, as long as it's not too long, I'm hoping I'll have other business to attend tonight as well"
Blake laughed. "I promise I won't keep you long"
"Alright then I suppose if they want me bad enough they'll have to wait till you're done with me" Ron grinned at him suggestively.
With that Blake walked away and began socializing with the men that had arrived for a night of drinking and dancing. Ron let the pulse of the music overtake him and he began scoping out the bar for any potential fucks, but as he looked around none of them caught his attention, no one with any of the qualities that he looked for. He hoped someone would show up that met his requirements he needed a warm body in his bed tonight, he needed to feel alive, even if only for that short moment when he came, pretending that it was Harry he was making love to.