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~San Francisco~
Running the bar for the week had been fun. Ron was a bit sad at the thought that Blake was returning and would be there the next night to run the bar again. He had felt so different this week, but tomorrow night he would go back to the way things had been before. He would again be just the bartender left to drown in his thoughts of Harry because he would have nothing to keep him from his thoughts as he had this week. God, he wished that Harry had never died, that he had never become the person he was and that instead he was still in England surrounded by the people he loved, living out the future that he and Harry should have had. It did no good to wish though, fate had dealt him a cruel hand and he was condemned to the existence that he now had. Sometimes he thought he would go mad, there were times that he begged for death, a time turner, anything so that he could see Harry once more. He needed to touch him, feel him, even if only for a split second. He ached for Harry, the pain was just as stifling now as it was when he had learned of Harry's death, but there was nothing he could do, he would live with the pain for whatever was left of his life.
He finished locking up the bar and headed back to his flat, the twenty-four hour diner across the street was filled with people who were trying to sober up after a night of drinking. He thought about going in there and finding someone to take home with him, but decided against it. He would not become that person until tomorrow night again.
As Ron entered his flat he noticed how cold it was. There was almost no furnishings, a couch and tv in the living area, and a bed in his room. There was barely any food in the cupboards, and there were no pictures or any kind of decoration in any of the rooms. When he had left England he had cleaned out the little money that was left in his vault a Gringotts and gone to San Francisco with only the clothes on his back. He had not brought any of his things from home, he had wanted to leave Ron Weasley far behind, and he supposed that he had managed that. He had even burned the clothing he was wearing when he arrived in the city. He wanted nothing to do with Ron Weasley, and he had destroyed anything that reminded him of who he used to be. His life as Ron Weasley seemed so far away now, he couldn't imagine what it would feel like to return to that life, and he wondered if he ever could. The only time he would feel whole again is when he was dead, dead and back with Harry. He glanced at the clock and realized that Blake had been back in town for a few hours, he had been back to being Scott Collins, the whore, for a few hours and not even realized it. In that moment Ron wanted to die, die and be who he used to be, die and return to the man he loved and the life he left behind.
**Blake's apartment**
"Here we are, it's not much, but it's home"
"It's lovely Blake, where should I put my things?"
"Down the hall to your left, it's my spare bedroom. It is at your disposal, the bathroom is right next door if you want to shower before going to bed"
"Thanks, you don't know how much this means to me Blake" Blake smiled. "You're welcome Harry. I have errands to run tomorrow afternoon, Ron's shift starts at 9p.m. so I will come and get you before then. Is that okay?"
"Fine"
"Are you doing okay Harry?"
"I'm a wreck actually, I have no idea what to say to him when I see him, I mean what in the bleeding hell do you tell someone who thinks you have been dead for five years?"
"All you can do is speak from the heart Harry"
"Would you forgive me if you were him?"
"Well I honestly don't know. Why did you pretend to be dead?"
"To protect him and everyone else that I cared for"
"Then make him understand that"
"You don't know Ron, that's much easier said than done"
"He loves you, I know he does. Obviously you love him just as much, you're love for each other has survived this long.may I ask you something?"
"Sure"
"Why five years?"
"Well, it's a bit complicated, but the abbreviated version is something like this: I pretended to be dead to protect the people I loved. I came out of hiding a month after Ron left, and for the past five years his family and I have searched for him tirelessly without any result. My life was stopped, frozen until I met you in that bar and brought you home"
"Wow"
"Blake?"
"Yeah?"
"Has Ron been serious about anyone?"
Blake's blue eyes darkened and he hesitated before answering. "There's been no one serious Harry, I told you, Ron has been utterly lost without you. I can't tell you anymore than that, it's not mine to tell"
"I can't believe that in a few short hours I am going to be seeing him for the first time in so long"
"Look, Harry, I know you are nervous, but right now I think you need a shower and some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow night okay?"
"Yeah, thanks again"
Harry carried his suitcase back to the bedroom. His thoughts were going at light speed. He was terrified and overcome with immense joy and relief, would Ron feel the same? He had no idea, but he would know in a few short hours.
**The Bar**
"Hey Blake, welcome back"
"Thanks Marcus"
"How was London?"
"Fabulous, could you do me a favor please?"
"Sure"
"When Scott arrives will you please send him back to see me, and have Kenneth take over at the bar. Oh, and please don't mention that I brought someone with me"
"Whatever you say Blake"
"Thank you"
Blake led Harry back to a small office in the back of the bar. It was bright and well lit compared to the dim and smoky atmosphere of the bar.
"What time is it?"
"8:58, he's always right on time Harry, are you ready for this?"
Harry gulped. "I think so"
"Remember, speak from the heart"
Harry took a seat in a corner chair and collected his thoughts before the moment arrived. He had faced down Voldemort and faced mortal peril many times in his life, but none of it compared to the fear he felt at this moment. Five years of waiting and wanting were about to end. A soft knock at the door interrupted his thoughts.
"Come in"
"Hey Blake, you wanted to see me?" Ron eyed the strange man sitting in the corner of Blake's office. His heart ached as he realized he had hair exactly like Harry's. He couldn't see his face though, it was blocked by the magazine he was intently reading.
"Yes, did everything run smoothly in my absence?"
"Perfect actually, how was London?"
"Wonderful, I met some very interesting people"
Ron felt his heart began to break "Well that's London for you I suppose" He refused to hear Blake talk about London, it would only make him sadder. "I guess I'll be going back inside now"
"Would you like to know who I met in London Ron?"
Ron froze. Blake had just used his real name. He'd been discovered! But, how? When? Why? "FUCK" was the only thought running through his head at the moment.
"What did you just call me?" Ron attempted to remain calm.
"I called you Ron, it is your name isn't it?"
"Well.uh-well, oh sod it! Yes my name is Ron, Ron Weasley" Ron felt his mask fall away. His eyes stung with unshed tears. His small and fragile existence was ruined. Blake would surely fire him, and he would be out on the street with nowhere to go, no one to go to.
"How did you find out Blake?"
"Because I told him" slowly the stranger turned to face Ron. Ron stood rooted to the spot. The unruly black hair, the emerald green eyes, and there on his forehead, the damned scar.
"H-Harry?"
"It's me Ron"
"You're dead" Ron stated, his voice cracking, what little sanity he had left was leaving him.
"No Ron, I'm alive"
"But-but how? Why did you lie to me? How did you find Blake?"
Harry drunk in the sight in front of him, he wanted to run to him and run his hands through his fiery hair. The fiery hair that was always so soft, the creamy skin which was always smooth, and his lips. God, those lips that were always warm and inviting. Harry restrained himself though; it was obvious that there would be no passionate kisses or caressing.at least not yet.
"Harry, Ron, I have business to attend to out there. Please feel free to use my office as long as you like. Ron you have the remainder of tonight off as well as the next week. Please let me know if you need more time, I would be more than happy to give it to you"
Ron only nodded. He was too busy looking at Harry. Blake left the room and silence reigned. Neither of them knew what to do, what to say. Harry broke the silence first.
"I suppose I have some explaining to do"
Ron sunk down into the chair across from Harry.
"Yes" was all he managed to squeak out.
"Alright. I suppose I'll start at the beginning. I never lied to you Ron, please believe me. Fudge wanted the wizarding world to believe I was dead, for a while at least. He felt that it would bring the dark wizards who still remained at large to the forefront as everyone thought I was dead. He also believed it was the only way to protect the people that I loved from any further harm. I know that I shouldn't have agreed to it, but I couldn't risk the lives of the people I loved anymore. So many of them were already dead, and your family had already suffered so much, I didn't want to cause anymore suffering. Obviously, I failed. I came out of hiding a month after you left. I apparated straight to the Burrow. I couldn't wait to see you, hold you, kiss you, but when I got there your mother told me that you had disappeared a month before. I was shattered."
Harry saw anger flicker in Ron's eyes. This was not good.
"AND YOU THINK I WASN'T SHATTERED?!? BLOODY HELL HARRY I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!"
Tenatively Harry reached out and took Ron's hands in his. An electric shot went through both of them, and their eyes met. Ron's eyes were filled with hurt and anger while Harry's were filled with sadness, begging for forgiveness.
"Please Ron, please let me finish"
Ron withdrew his hands from Harry's grasp, and folded his arms across his chest. He reminded Harry so much of the stubborn teenager he had been while at Hogwarts and he had to bite back a grin.
"Fine Harry, finish explaining"
Harry breathed a sigh of relief. "I know that the damage that my 'death' inflicted on you cannot compare to how I felt when I found out you had left. At least I knew you were alive, you thought I was dead. Still, I moved into the Burrow, Hermione was living there as well, and for five years your family, Mione and I searched tirelessly for you. No matter how hard we searched though we never found you. Hermione and I decided to move out of the Burrow and try to build new lives for ourselves. We were only in our new flat a few days before I ran into Blake"
Ron sighed. Harry had suffered as well, and he could see why he had done what he did, but it didn't make him less angry, and Harry still didn't know about the life he had led in the past five years. Also this still didn't explain how Harry had met Blake.
"How did you meet Blake?"
Harry took a deep breath, he knew that this question was coming. He had to tell Ron the truth.
"We met at a bar. Hermione and I had just gotten jobs at the ministry and we decided to try and have some fun so we went out to celebrate. Mione didn't realize she had chosen a gay bar as our celebration spot and that's where I met Blake"
"That still does not explain how I suddenly became the topic of conversation"
"Weell, ummm..you see-Blake and I, we, well we."
Ron grinned. Harry was still fucking adorable when he was flustered.
"Did you sleep with him Harry?"
"NO. No. I did take him back home with me, and were getting, you know, intimate, but I just couldn't go through with it. He asked me why, and I showed him your picture, and the rest is history"
Ron's heart broke. Harry wasn't able to sleep with one person. It sounded as though he had remained completely faithful to Ron in the five years they had been apart. How would he ever understand the lifestyle that Ron had been leading?
"Ron?"
"Who knows you're here?" "Just Hermione. I asked that she not tell your family until I actually got here and talked to you. I didn't think you would want everyone in your face immediately"
"Amazing."
"What's amazing Ron?"
"That after five years of being apart you still know exactly what I want"
Harry grinned.
"Ron? What has your life been like for the past five years?"
"Hell"
"Has there..been anyone else?"
Ron could feel the bile rising in his throat. Harry had been nothing but honest with him, and he owed him that much. Slowly Ron got up and opened the door to Blake's office. He motioned for Harry to join him.
"Do you see all of the men out there?"
"Yes, why?"
"There's not one out there that I haven't had sex with in the past five years. It's only 10, the night is still young, you can be sure that out of the men that come walking in the door for the rest of the night that I have slept with about 99 percent of them. Not counting the ones who won't dare step foot in here after I had sex with them and then never spoke to again"
Harry's jaw dropped and tears began to form in his eyes. What had he driven the man he loved to?
"Oh my God" Harry sank down into chair near the doorway.
Ron closed the door and knelt in front of Harry.
"I'm sorry Harry, I was so lost without you-"Ron's voice cracked and he began to cry. "I never--no one has ever been inside me-only you, God Harry I am so sorry, I thought you were dead. Please Harry say something."
Harry looked down at Ron. Now he knew what Blake meant when he said that there had been no one "serious". He didn't know exactly what he felt. He didn't know if he was angry or sad, he knew for sure he was jealous. Still looking down at Ron he did exactly what his heart told him to. He slid off the chair and sank to his knees and gathered Ron in his arms. The two men stayed there on the floor of Blake's office crying and hugging. A million thoughts ran through their heads, but the one that prevailed. Could they get through this?
Ron pulled back and looked at Harry. He had to ask. "What happens now Harry?"
"I'm here for a week Ron, lets try and see if we can pick up the pieces and move on with our lives, see if it's possible to regain the future we had planned for"
"You really think it will only take a week?"
"I think after a week we will know if its possible or not. If it is possible, I'll stay here as long as I need to, but lets take this one step at a time okay?"
"Yeah, okay. Harry?"
"Hmm?"
"We forgot to call Hermione"
They looked at each other and laughed. Real laughs, the first real laughs to be emitted by either man in a very long time.
~San Francisco~
Running the bar for the week had been fun. Ron was a bit sad at the thought that Blake was returning and would be there the next night to run the bar again. He had felt so different this week, but tomorrow night he would go back to the way things had been before. He would again be just the bartender left to drown in his thoughts of Harry because he would have nothing to keep him from his thoughts as he had this week. God, he wished that Harry had never died, that he had never become the person he was and that instead he was still in England surrounded by the people he loved, living out the future that he and Harry should have had. It did no good to wish though, fate had dealt him a cruel hand and he was condemned to the existence that he now had. Sometimes he thought he would go mad, there were times that he begged for death, a time turner, anything so that he could see Harry once more. He needed to touch him, feel him, even if only for a split second. He ached for Harry, the pain was just as stifling now as it was when he had learned of Harry's death, but there was nothing he could do, he would live with the pain for whatever was left of his life.
He finished locking up the bar and headed back to his flat, the twenty-four hour diner across the street was filled with people who were trying to sober up after a night of drinking. He thought about going in there and finding someone to take home with him, but decided against it. He would not become that person until tomorrow night again.
As Ron entered his flat he noticed how cold it was. There was almost no furnishings, a couch and tv in the living area, and a bed in his room. There was barely any food in the cupboards, and there were no pictures or any kind of decoration in any of the rooms. When he had left England he had cleaned out the little money that was left in his vault a Gringotts and gone to San Francisco with only the clothes on his back. He had not brought any of his things from home, he had wanted to leave Ron Weasley far behind, and he supposed that he had managed that. He had even burned the clothing he was wearing when he arrived in the city. He wanted nothing to do with Ron Weasley, and he had destroyed anything that reminded him of who he used to be. His life as Ron Weasley seemed so far away now, he couldn't imagine what it would feel like to return to that life, and he wondered if he ever could. The only time he would feel whole again is when he was dead, dead and back with Harry. He glanced at the clock and realized that Blake had been back in town for a few hours, he had been back to being Scott Collins, the whore, for a few hours and not even realized it. In that moment Ron wanted to die, die and be who he used to be, die and return to the man he loved and the life he left behind.
**Blake's apartment**
"Here we are, it's not much, but it's home"
"It's lovely Blake, where should I put my things?"
"Down the hall to your left, it's my spare bedroom. It is at your disposal, the bathroom is right next door if you want to shower before going to bed"
"Thanks, you don't know how much this means to me Blake" Blake smiled. "You're welcome Harry. I have errands to run tomorrow afternoon, Ron's shift starts at 9p.m. so I will come and get you before then. Is that okay?"
"Fine"
"Are you doing okay Harry?"
"I'm a wreck actually, I have no idea what to say to him when I see him, I mean what in the bleeding hell do you tell someone who thinks you have been dead for five years?"
"All you can do is speak from the heart Harry"
"Would you forgive me if you were him?"
"Well I honestly don't know. Why did you pretend to be dead?"
"To protect him and everyone else that I cared for"
"Then make him understand that"
"You don't know Ron, that's much easier said than done"
"He loves you, I know he does. Obviously you love him just as much, you're love for each other has survived this long.may I ask you something?"
"Sure"
"Why five years?"
"Well, it's a bit complicated, but the abbreviated version is something like this: I pretended to be dead to protect the people I loved. I came out of hiding a month after Ron left, and for the past five years his family and I have searched for him tirelessly without any result. My life was stopped, frozen until I met you in that bar and brought you home"
"Wow"
"Blake?"
"Yeah?"
"Has Ron been serious about anyone?"
Blake's blue eyes darkened and he hesitated before answering. "There's been no one serious Harry, I told you, Ron has been utterly lost without you. I can't tell you anymore than that, it's not mine to tell"
"I can't believe that in a few short hours I am going to be seeing him for the first time in so long"
"Look, Harry, I know you are nervous, but right now I think you need a shower and some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow night okay?"
"Yeah, thanks again"
Harry carried his suitcase back to the bedroom. His thoughts were going at light speed. He was terrified and overcome with immense joy and relief, would Ron feel the same? He had no idea, but he would know in a few short hours.
**The Bar**
"Hey Blake, welcome back"
"Thanks Marcus"
"How was London?"
"Fabulous, could you do me a favor please?"
"Sure"
"When Scott arrives will you please send him back to see me, and have Kenneth take over at the bar. Oh, and please don't mention that I brought someone with me"
"Whatever you say Blake"
"Thank you"
Blake led Harry back to a small office in the back of the bar. It was bright and well lit compared to the dim and smoky atmosphere of the bar.
"What time is it?"
"8:58, he's always right on time Harry, are you ready for this?"
Harry gulped. "I think so"
"Remember, speak from the heart"
Harry took a seat in a corner chair and collected his thoughts before the moment arrived. He had faced down Voldemort and faced mortal peril many times in his life, but none of it compared to the fear he felt at this moment. Five years of waiting and wanting were about to end. A soft knock at the door interrupted his thoughts.
"Come in"
"Hey Blake, you wanted to see me?" Ron eyed the strange man sitting in the corner of Blake's office. His heart ached as he realized he had hair exactly like Harry's. He couldn't see his face though, it was blocked by the magazine he was intently reading.
"Yes, did everything run smoothly in my absence?"
"Perfect actually, how was London?"
"Wonderful, I met some very interesting people"
Ron felt his heart began to break "Well that's London for you I suppose" He refused to hear Blake talk about London, it would only make him sadder. "I guess I'll be going back inside now"
"Would you like to know who I met in London Ron?"
Ron froze. Blake had just used his real name. He'd been discovered! But, how? When? Why? "FUCK" was the only thought running through his head at the moment.
"What did you just call me?" Ron attempted to remain calm.
"I called you Ron, it is your name isn't it?"
"Well.uh-well, oh sod it! Yes my name is Ron, Ron Weasley" Ron felt his mask fall away. His eyes stung with unshed tears. His small and fragile existence was ruined. Blake would surely fire him, and he would be out on the street with nowhere to go, no one to go to.
"How did you find out Blake?"
"Because I told him" slowly the stranger turned to face Ron. Ron stood rooted to the spot. The unruly black hair, the emerald green eyes, and there on his forehead, the damned scar.
"H-Harry?"
"It's me Ron"
"You're dead" Ron stated, his voice cracking, what little sanity he had left was leaving him.
"No Ron, I'm alive"
"But-but how? Why did you lie to me? How did you find Blake?"
Harry drunk in the sight in front of him, he wanted to run to him and run his hands through his fiery hair. The fiery hair that was always so soft, the creamy skin which was always smooth, and his lips. God, those lips that were always warm and inviting. Harry restrained himself though; it was obvious that there would be no passionate kisses or caressing.at least not yet.
"Harry, Ron, I have business to attend to out there. Please feel free to use my office as long as you like. Ron you have the remainder of tonight off as well as the next week. Please let me know if you need more time, I would be more than happy to give it to you"
Ron only nodded. He was too busy looking at Harry. Blake left the room and silence reigned. Neither of them knew what to do, what to say. Harry broke the silence first.
"I suppose I have some explaining to do"
Ron sunk down into the chair across from Harry.
"Yes" was all he managed to squeak out.
"Alright. I suppose I'll start at the beginning. I never lied to you Ron, please believe me. Fudge wanted the wizarding world to believe I was dead, for a while at least. He felt that it would bring the dark wizards who still remained at large to the forefront as everyone thought I was dead. He also believed it was the only way to protect the people that I loved from any further harm. I know that I shouldn't have agreed to it, but I couldn't risk the lives of the people I loved anymore. So many of them were already dead, and your family had already suffered so much, I didn't want to cause anymore suffering. Obviously, I failed. I came out of hiding a month after you left. I apparated straight to the Burrow. I couldn't wait to see you, hold you, kiss you, but when I got there your mother told me that you had disappeared a month before. I was shattered."
Harry saw anger flicker in Ron's eyes. This was not good.
"AND YOU THINK I WASN'T SHATTERED?!? BLOODY HELL HARRY I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!"
Tenatively Harry reached out and took Ron's hands in his. An electric shot went through both of them, and their eyes met. Ron's eyes were filled with hurt and anger while Harry's were filled with sadness, begging for forgiveness.
"Please Ron, please let me finish"
Ron withdrew his hands from Harry's grasp, and folded his arms across his chest. He reminded Harry so much of the stubborn teenager he had been while at Hogwarts and he had to bite back a grin.
"Fine Harry, finish explaining"
Harry breathed a sigh of relief. "I know that the damage that my 'death' inflicted on you cannot compare to how I felt when I found out you had left. At least I knew you were alive, you thought I was dead. Still, I moved into the Burrow, Hermione was living there as well, and for five years your family, Mione and I searched tirelessly for you. No matter how hard we searched though we never found you. Hermione and I decided to move out of the Burrow and try to build new lives for ourselves. We were only in our new flat a few days before I ran into Blake"
Ron sighed. Harry had suffered as well, and he could see why he had done what he did, but it didn't make him less angry, and Harry still didn't know about the life he had led in the past five years. Also this still didn't explain how Harry had met Blake.
"How did you meet Blake?"
Harry took a deep breath, he knew that this question was coming. He had to tell Ron the truth.
"We met at a bar. Hermione and I had just gotten jobs at the ministry and we decided to try and have some fun so we went out to celebrate. Mione didn't realize she had chosen a gay bar as our celebration spot and that's where I met Blake"
"That still does not explain how I suddenly became the topic of conversation"
"Weell, ummm..you see-Blake and I, we, well we."
Ron grinned. Harry was still fucking adorable when he was flustered.
"Did you sleep with him Harry?"
"NO. No. I did take him back home with me, and were getting, you know, intimate, but I just couldn't go through with it. He asked me why, and I showed him your picture, and the rest is history"
Ron's heart broke. Harry wasn't able to sleep with one person. It sounded as though he had remained completely faithful to Ron in the five years they had been apart. How would he ever understand the lifestyle that Ron had been leading?
"Ron?"
"Who knows you're here?" "Just Hermione. I asked that she not tell your family until I actually got here and talked to you. I didn't think you would want everyone in your face immediately"
"Amazing."
"What's amazing Ron?"
"That after five years of being apart you still know exactly what I want"
Harry grinned.
"Ron? What has your life been like for the past five years?"
"Hell"
"Has there..been anyone else?"
Ron could feel the bile rising in his throat. Harry had been nothing but honest with him, and he owed him that much. Slowly Ron got up and opened the door to Blake's office. He motioned for Harry to join him.
"Do you see all of the men out there?"
"Yes, why?"
"There's not one out there that I haven't had sex with in the past five years. It's only 10, the night is still young, you can be sure that out of the men that come walking in the door for the rest of the night that I have slept with about 99 percent of them. Not counting the ones who won't dare step foot in here after I had sex with them and then never spoke to again"
Harry's jaw dropped and tears began to form in his eyes. What had he driven the man he loved to?
"Oh my God" Harry sank down into chair near the doorway.
Ron closed the door and knelt in front of Harry.
"I'm sorry Harry, I was so lost without you-"Ron's voice cracked and he began to cry. "I never--no one has ever been inside me-only you, God Harry I am so sorry, I thought you were dead. Please Harry say something."
Harry looked down at Ron. Now he knew what Blake meant when he said that there had been no one "serious". He didn't know exactly what he felt. He didn't know if he was angry or sad, he knew for sure he was jealous. Still looking down at Ron he did exactly what his heart told him to. He slid off the chair and sank to his knees and gathered Ron in his arms. The two men stayed there on the floor of Blake's office crying and hugging. A million thoughts ran through their heads, but the one that prevailed. Could they get through this?
Ron pulled back and looked at Harry. He had to ask. "What happens now Harry?"
"I'm here for a week Ron, lets try and see if we can pick up the pieces and move on with our lives, see if it's possible to regain the future we had planned for"
"You really think it will only take a week?"
"I think after a week we will know if its possible or not. If it is possible, I'll stay here as long as I need to, but lets take this one step at a time okay?"
"Yeah, okay. Harry?"
"Hmm?"
"We forgot to call Hermione"
They looked at each other and laughed. Real laughs, the first real laughs to be emitted by either man in a very long time.