Fëanáro had been wandering through the streets aimlessly for some time. He
became aware that Telperion was now waning, and Laurelin was waxing. How
long had been gone? Where had he gone? He looked around himself, and
blinked; aware suddenly of where he was. He had walked all the way to his
father's house. What had led him here? He had not been to his father's
house for many years, why did he come here now? And then, as though some
other voice commanded it, he walked right inside the house, not even
bothering to knock.
He wandered though the large palace, still unknowing of where his feet led him. He walked up the stairs, and saw his father lying in his bed. And beside him lay Indis. Just looking at her rekindled his wrath. He hated her. She, who had taken the heart of his father, tried to replace his mother. What right had she to destroy him like this? He had been wounded enough that his mother should die, but then this Vanya who is everything his mother wasn't came. And she stole his father from him. And she gave birth to four children by Finwë. What right had she? As far as Fëanáro could tell, she had none.
But then he saw his father asleep, and his face was calm and he was content. Content to be wed with Indis. And then for once he saw the truth of the matter. Finwë had wanted to wed her. He had wanted to leave Míriel behind. It took both of them to make the decision. Fëanáro became suddenly angry at his father, believing now that all his misery was his fault. He never should of married again. He had no right. Fëanáro was filled with sudden hate for his father. But then he remembered Nerdanel's words when he had first heard from his father that he was going to wed Indis; "He is you father, Fëanáro, and you love him. Does his happiness mean nothing to you?" She was right. Even now her wisdom was valid. And he had turned his back on her, just as he had turned his back on his father. No, he would not leave her as well. And so her turned he turned around, perhaps the only time he took back a choice he made.
When Makalaurë and Nolofinwë finally reached the house, Laurelin was already shining, and Makalaurë worried that now it was too late. Surely, his brothers would of woken by now, and they would find their mother. But they wouldn't be able to help her. It was too late.
Makalaurë quickly leaped off his horse, and ran to the house with sudden urgency, which surprised Nolofinwë. He burst through the door and was stopped in his tracks when he met the worried eyes of his brother Maitimo.
They looked at each other for a moment, each comprehending what the other thought without having to speak. "I saw her." Maitimo said at last, speaking solemnly. "I managed to wake her after a while. I am not sure what happened, but I guess, Makalaurë, that she nearly left her hröa but fought to stay, to live. As to why, she hasn't told me anything yet but the memory of it seems to trouble her deeply."
"And our brothers, did they see her?" Makalaurë asked, worried at what they may think, especially Ambarussa.
"No." Maitimo answered much to his relief. "I sent them away as soon as I saw her. They will be returning soon though, so we must be swift."
Maitimo then became aware of the fact that Nolofinwë was standing behind his brother, and he looked up at him inquisitively. "I went to get Nolofinwë's help. But if you have managed to wake her, it seems it will not be necessary." Makalaurë explained.
"She is awake," Maitimo said "but she is not yet healed. It may be a long time before she is well again," He bowed his head and spoke quietly now "many years perhaps."
Within moments Makalaurë, Maitimo and Nolofinwë were all standing before Nerdanel. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking bewilderedly down at the floor. After a moment she lifted her head and tears were streaming down her face. She saw the three of them standing before her, her sons and her brother in law, and she forced a faint smile. The two brothers only stood, looking from their mother to each other. It was Nolofinwë who finally broke the awkward silence.
"Nerdanel," he said softly, walking towards her and sitting down beside her on the bed. "What happened? Will you not tell us, so that we might better understand your grief?"
Nolofinwë looked at her a while but she did not answer. Her focus was instead on the doorway they had just entered. After a moment she began to shake, and Nolofinwë turned to see what it was that troubled her. He looked in the direction of her stare and saw someone standing tall and erect in the doorway, his dark hair framing his face that was marked with pain, with the same pain he saw in the eyes of his wife. Fëanáro.
At once Nolofinwë, Maitimo and Makalaurë understood. Though it was hard for them to accept, they realized the truth at last. Without any of them realizing it, Nerdanel got up and walked towards Fëanáro. She lay her arms on his shoulders and looked into his eyes. And it hurt him, because he saw the pain there, pain that should never exist in the Blessed Realm, but she also saw the suffering in his eyes and her heart went out to him. But this time, it was not in love, nor was it because of need, but in understanding.
Sensing that they should leave, Nolofinwë, Makalaurë and Maitimo quietly left the room. They did not now what would come to pass, but they knew it would be all right.
At last Nerdanel turned away from the piercing stare of her husband, knowing that her message had been understood. She fell into Fëanáro's arms and cried. But her tears were not of pain, nor of sorrow but simply of sadness in what she must now reveal.
"I am sorry Nerdanel." Fëanáro said softly to her. "Please understand me. You mustn't leave. I promise from now on that life will be as it always was, as it was meant to be. Please, Nerdanel."
She broke away from him and looked up at him once more. "I do understand you" she said, "but I understand also that I cannot stay. Fëanáro, there is no meant to be for us. We are too different, you are too powerful. It will destroy me in the end, Fëanáro you must understand that. I do not want our sons to be left without a mother, as you were, and it will be difficult to explain that in order for them to have a mother, they and you must let me go. I can no longer stay here." Fëanáro looked at her with pain and confusion in his eyes. "Fëanáro, it is as hard for me as it is for you. I will remain your wife always, and it would please me if my sons and you come to visit me sometimes, but I say once more that I cannot stay here. You must let me go."
So it was not he who left her, but she who left him and Fëanáro saw that he had no other choice but to grant her wish. Therefore, he gently stroked her face, and said only, "Farewell." And the next morning when he awoke, she was gone.
He wandered though the large palace, still unknowing of where his feet led him. He walked up the stairs, and saw his father lying in his bed. And beside him lay Indis. Just looking at her rekindled his wrath. He hated her. She, who had taken the heart of his father, tried to replace his mother. What right had she to destroy him like this? He had been wounded enough that his mother should die, but then this Vanya who is everything his mother wasn't came. And she stole his father from him. And she gave birth to four children by Finwë. What right had she? As far as Fëanáro could tell, she had none.
But then he saw his father asleep, and his face was calm and he was content. Content to be wed with Indis. And then for once he saw the truth of the matter. Finwë had wanted to wed her. He had wanted to leave Míriel behind. It took both of them to make the decision. Fëanáro became suddenly angry at his father, believing now that all his misery was his fault. He never should of married again. He had no right. Fëanáro was filled with sudden hate for his father. But then he remembered Nerdanel's words when he had first heard from his father that he was going to wed Indis; "He is you father, Fëanáro, and you love him. Does his happiness mean nothing to you?" She was right. Even now her wisdom was valid. And he had turned his back on her, just as he had turned his back on his father. No, he would not leave her as well. And so her turned he turned around, perhaps the only time he took back a choice he made.
When Makalaurë and Nolofinwë finally reached the house, Laurelin was already shining, and Makalaurë worried that now it was too late. Surely, his brothers would of woken by now, and they would find their mother. But they wouldn't be able to help her. It was too late.
Makalaurë quickly leaped off his horse, and ran to the house with sudden urgency, which surprised Nolofinwë. He burst through the door and was stopped in his tracks when he met the worried eyes of his brother Maitimo.
They looked at each other for a moment, each comprehending what the other thought without having to speak. "I saw her." Maitimo said at last, speaking solemnly. "I managed to wake her after a while. I am not sure what happened, but I guess, Makalaurë, that she nearly left her hröa but fought to stay, to live. As to why, she hasn't told me anything yet but the memory of it seems to trouble her deeply."
"And our brothers, did they see her?" Makalaurë asked, worried at what they may think, especially Ambarussa.
"No." Maitimo answered much to his relief. "I sent them away as soon as I saw her. They will be returning soon though, so we must be swift."
Maitimo then became aware of the fact that Nolofinwë was standing behind his brother, and he looked up at him inquisitively. "I went to get Nolofinwë's help. But if you have managed to wake her, it seems it will not be necessary." Makalaurë explained.
"She is awake," Maitimo said "but she is not yet healed. It may be a long time before she is well again," He bowed his head and spoke quietly now "many years perhaps."
Within moments Makalaurë, Maitimo and Nolofinwë were all standing before Nerdanel. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking bewilderedly down at the floor. After a moment she lifted her head and tears were streaming down her face. She saw the three of them standing before her, her sons and her brother in law, and she forced a faint smile. The two brothers only stood, looking from their mother to each other. It was Nolofinwë who finally broke the awkward silence.
"Nerdanel," he said softly, walking towards her and sitting down beside her on the bed. "What happened? Will you not tell us, so that we might better understand your grief?"
Nolofinwë looked at her a while but she did not answer. Her focus was instead on the doorway they had just entered. After a moment she began to shake, and Nolofinwë turned to see what it was that troubled her. He looked in the direction of her stare and saw someone standing tall and erect in the doorway, his dark hair framing his face that was marked with pain, with the same pain he saw in the eyes of his wife. Fëanáro.
At once Nolofinwë, Maitimo and Makalaurë understood. Though it was hard for them to accept, they realized the truth at last. Without any of them realizing it, Nerdanel got up and walked towards Fëanáro. She lay her arms on his shoulders and looked into his eyes. And it hurt him, because he saw the pain there, pain that should never exist in the Blessed Realm, but she also saw the suffering in his eyes and her heart went out to him. But this time, it was not in love, nor was it because of need, but in understanding.
Sensing that they should leave, Nolofinwë, Makalaurë and Maitimo quietly left the room. They did not now what would come to pass, but they knew it would be all right.
At last Nerdanel turned away from the piercing stare of her husband, knowing that her message had been understood. She fell into Fëanáro's arms and cried. But her tears were not of pain, nor of sorrow but simply of sadness in what she must now reveal.
"I am sorry Nerdanel." Fëanáro said softly to her. "Please understand me. You mustn't leave. I promise from now on that life will be as it always was, as it was meant to be. Please, Nerdanel."
She broke away from him and looked up at him once more. "I do understand you" she said, "but I understand also that I cannot stay. Fëanáro, there is no meant to be for us. We are too different, you are too powerful. It will destroy me in the end, Fëanáro you must understand that. I do not want our sons to be left without a mother, as you were, and it will be difficult to explain that in order for them to have a mother, they and you must let me go. I can no longer stay here." Fëanáro looked at her with pain and confusion in his eyes. "Fëanáro, it is as hard for me as it is for you. I will remain your wife always, and it would please me if my sons and you come to visit me sometimes, but I say once more that I cannot stay here. You must let me go."
So it was not he who left her, but she who left him and Fëanáro saw that he had no other choice but to grant her wish. Therefore, he gently stroked her face, and said only, "Farewell." And the next morning when he awoke, she was gone.