Disclaimer: The characters of Gundam Wing and the scenes I used in this chapter when Relena began remembering her past, do not belong to me.
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Relena finally broke the hug by slightly pushing him away- enough to make him understand that perhaps she didn't want to be hugged.
Heero, realising this, retreated, hurriedly wiping any signs of weakness from his eyes.
He gazed back into her bright blue orbs, but unlike the last time, this Relena now seemed confused, lost… even hurt… The Relena he had known had once again vanished.
"Heero..."
Heero stood rigid. She sounded… almost guilty; bad news would inevitably follow a quivering voice like that.
So all his dreams really had been false hopes. He mentally damned himself for being so emotional. He was always prepared for the worst – always – he was never shocked, and now… being with Relena reminded him so much of why he had to 'leave' in the first place. She didn't deserve him… he wasn't stable when he was around her… she deserved a man that would make her happy, instead of playing with her emotions.
Heero forcefully glanced back down to her face.
He nodded. He understood the urgency in her voice… she couldn't remember…
She wanted to tell him how sorry she was for not remembering, yet not knowing how close they really were and why she felt so strongly about him. Which, he was sure of.
She immediately looked sorrowful. She seemed to have realised how much her not remembering had hurt him.
"Look… Heero… I'm sorry; I could only… recover fragments of my memory. I just can't make myself remember Heero… I just can't." She looked up at him suddenly, remembering her new resolution not to get too close – and added, "You have to be able to understand that."
However, she soon regretted saying that. Hurting… Heero, just seemed awful – he didn't deserve to feel so morose.
But why did she feel like that? So guilty? They were probably – most definitely – very close. She dearly wished that she could remember, she so badly needed a friend to talk to, to listen to her problems… someone she could trust. She knew she could trust Heero, but she didn't know if by talking to him she would just hurt his feelings…
"Heero… how… I mean, were we friends? Or… more than that?" She finally let out. She had to ask… she couldn't just keep stumbling awkwardly into answers like this…
He stood there, unable to reply to such a bold question.
'How could she ask me this? Me?' he thought incredulously. But he couldn't blame her – she didn't know how anti-social he was, and how he would never answer such… such… 'weak' questions.
"Okay… I guess from that silence that we were just friends –"
"No…" He contradicted, causing another one of the many awkward and painful silences to follow.
She found it so hard to speak to this man… one minute he seemed so kind, and well, normal… but now, he was almost inhumane – what with his blank stare and blank expression and confusing answers, no matter what the situation! And him not answering a question like that made the impression that he didn't like talking about… well, emotional things? Perhaps things that forced him to break the stone wall around his heart and show the world he had emotions, had… weaknesses – that there were things on the earth and colonies that held emotional value for him.
She stopped abruptly… what the hell was she thinking about? What emotional value? There was no emotional value. They were just friends – she couldn't believe that even in another… another lifetime she would allow herself to love, or even like such a man.
She began to get angry. Somewhere deep inside, she knew that Heero held that power – the power to crush her heart with just a few simple words. She had to be careful – had to stay away from him.
She wasn't prepared to let him enter her life and destroy her as he had done before.
… before …
Heero…
"I would be honoured if you would come to my birthday party."
She handed over the invitation.
He took it; rather reluctantly, it seemed and glared at it for a few seconds as though there might be anthrax stored away inside.
And suddenly, she watched as he ruthlessly tore the invitation into two.
The next few minutes seemed to pass by in a blur. She would be the laughing stock of the whole school... such an important figure being turned down, and to make matters worse, by a ruffian of a boy…!
But that was insignificant – she felt as though if she let him go, then she would lose something so valuable… something so very valuable that she knew she had to have, and needed to have by her side… and this new emotion that she wanted to feel… needed to feel… needed him to feel… but what? What was this new emotion? Perhaps… Love…?
Relena, that's ridiculous, she told herself.
But even before she could gather her head around what she was feeling and why, he brushed past, wiping away a tear that she hadn't noticed rolling down her cheek, and whispered,
"I'll kill you…"
She breathed heavily.
She blinked a few times, trying to bring back her clear vision, and finally noticed Heero, towering over her, and – miracle of miracles – holding her hand, though rather gingerly.
They stayed in that position for a while – Heero unable to make a more bold move in case it seemed to emotional or weak, and Relena trying to remember in detail everything that she saw in that flashback of memory. He had wanted to kill her…
A sound on the other side of the room towards the door suddenly drew their attention.
She hated to think what it would look like to someone standing by the door looking at them, but she was soon to find out… her brother came slowly into the room, his footsteps echoing repeatedly off the walls.
And suddenly he looked up to find Heero, standing over his precious sister.
Heero…
"You asshole!"
He lunged across the room, dropping the cup that he previously had held Relena's tea, and pulled Heero roughly towards him, holding him by the collar of his blue Preventer shirt.
"What the HELL are you doing here, you son of a bitch?" In one swift movement, with as much strength as he could muster, Milliardo brought up his hand and punched Heero just below the bottom of the trained assassin's rib cage. Heero of course hadn't realised that Zechs would be so violent, and was still in too much shock to react to the force of the blow.
He stood in the same position for a few seconds, then stepped back a little and fell backwards to the floor, clutching his stomach.
"Why…?" Heero managed to gasp out through short painful breaths.
"Why?" He laughed, "The creature wants to know why! I'll tell you why, you…" he made a forceful movement in the air, "Because you could be so horrible as to hurt my sister so badly, because you would actually show your face again after such a long time after swearing to yourself, and me, that you wouldn't – because after showing your face to her, you couldn't even save her from falling down that cliff…"
He gasped as the painful memory of the cold day came back to him.
"… That you would just stand there…"
Relena frowned… That cliff? I fell down a cliff… it makes some sense, I suppose… the pain…
Heero tried to get up but, failing to do so, didn't try any harder, deciding it was best that he should say what he wanted to say while on the floor – him not being man enough to face Zechs. Look him in the eye while talking to him – no, he was a coward and he knew it…
"I… I'm… Look Zechs, I can't undo what I've already done; it was a mistake showing my face to her again. I regret what has happened to her, and it pains me even more to see what… what has become of her now… and all the time I was just standing there… unable to do anything from shock…. You have to understand me…" Heero's voice became almost pleading.
Milliardo stood there looking at him in disgust. "You're asking me to understand? How can I understand? From where I was standing, it looked like you pretty damn well wanted her to die!"
Heero winced and glanced at Relena… her face was void of emotion… even after what Zechs had said about him wanting her to die… she didn't even care…
She didn't care…the trauma from her past was beginning to haunt her even now… her pain-filled past… without his love… perhaps he wanted to make it up to her… but him? Who wanted to kill her? He could never do such a thing… for he was cold and heartless… after all, a cold heart is a dead heart… how on earth could she ever expect him to love her…?
Milliardo kicked him once, hard. "Look at me and stand up!" He ordered.
I could never tell her how much I loved her… how much I think about her everyday… how much I mentally beat myself, all the time because of my mistake… for I am a coward, and always will be… I won't change… I cannot… Heero scooted backwards on the floor and used the bedpost to haul himself upright.
Relena held her head in her hands: Perhaps he could have saved her from falling… he had saved her before from the explosion…
… before?…
"Heero…" She whispered.
"I'm staying here until that fight is settled." He replied defiantly.
"Huh...?" She didn't understand, there was no need for this.
"Treize will find it hard to sink the Libra. When he does try, I'll destroy this ship from within."
"I still think this war can be stopped.... The idea that bloodshed is needed to achieve peace is the logic of a despot." Argued Relena… why did men always insist in fighting unnecessarily?
"Those two are fighting with the purpose of shedding blood.... Which is why I have no intention of stopping this fight."
"But…" That IS unnecessary for heavens sake!
"Remain here with me." He suddenly murmured.
"You'll protect me Heero?" She asked, letting it show how vulnerable she really was.
"I don't want to feel indebted to Zechs when we have to face off."
She sat down next to him. A little disappointed at his reply.
"If this ship goes down… then you and me brother will no longer have a reason to fight."
The Gundams… Heero… a mission… no longer queen of the world, fighting with her brother… He shouldn't have decided to fight with her and the other pilots…
Running… along a passageway on a ship…
Libra.
She glanced over at Heero.
He seemed almost anxious… and as afraid and perhaps even excited as she had ever seen him.
"What's the matter Heero?"
"Get down and cover your head…" Relena turned towards him, "The Peacemillion's going to ram us." Relena did as she was told and listened in terror as the sound of the ceiling caving in could be heard above her.
A while later she opened her eyes, with Heero lying flat on top of her, bruised and bleeding from the rubble that had fallen on top of them.
He had shielded her…
"Heero, you're hurt!"
"It's nothing serious…" He replied dismissively.
"This means that Zechs won't get the victory he'd hoped for." He said, thinking out loud.
"The victory… my brother hoped for?"
He paused, thinking for a little while longer, and looked up.
"The Zero is now needed…"
"The Gundams…" She whispered. "Wing Zero…"
Heero stood still, as did Milliardo. They glanced at each other, forgetting their earlier fight for the minute. The same thought entered both their minds: She remembered.
Small fragments of memory… queen of the world?
… Treize …
Who was Treize? And… Gundams… they were big… huge, and Heero was inside one… red, green, blue- Zero…
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Okay, what did you guys think at the end of this one? She's not gonna remember too much, so don't get all your hopes up, it's going to go all wrong in the next chapter, which I've already written, but won't put up because I'm so evil, and hey, the suspense it good! Good suspense!
And thanks so much Chantico for finding me the episode guide thingy and the scripts, and beta reading it for me!
Lol- anyway please review! Thanks so much for reading…