Author's Note: Not mine, blah, blah, Jhonen Vasquez, something, something.

Chapter Six

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Dear Die-ary,

I remembered Devi today for some reason. I was just sitting in the kitchen and eating Pringles when I could see her face vividly in my mind. Then I spaced out and when I spaced back in again I had knocked over the Pringles and they had fallen into the heating vent and there were chip crumbs floating out like dandruff specks.

I think I'll go to her apartment today. I'd known where she lived for some time, even though she tried to remove her address from the city records, the phone book, and most other places. I did find her though… and I think I should talk to her. She'd probably not let me in at all, but through the door I'll just tell her some things that have been on my mind. Things about Squee, ask for her help, maybe.

I didn't think I'd need anyone that much, especially after Squee went away. But I want to talk to someone other than Reverend Meat.

My pen's running out and

*-.,.-*-.,.-*-.,.-*

Squee woke up and slipped from the bed and walked to the bathroom. He had a stomach ache because he had never really eaten that much like he had yesterday – Devi had made lots of sandwiches, and though they were made with unlikely foods like pickles and mustard, Squee loved them. He stood in the bathroom and looked up at the mirror but it was so high up he couldn't see his face. He used the bathroom and then went into the kitchen, where he found Devi.

She was making oatmeal from a Quaker oats box. She looked so pretty, like the perfect mommy. Squee felt his eyes water and he went up and hugged her leg.

" Oh!" Devi exclaimed, completely not expecting it. " Um… good morning…" She patted the top of his head.

" You were crying?" Squee asked, seeing her red eyes.

" No, uh, it's the oatmeal. Allergies to oatmeal," Devi lied. She looked down at the floor because there was a lot of thumping sounds coming from the staircase, which meant Tenna was coming up. Her apartment had suffered an explosion in the past so everyone was relocated into the apartment next door. Tenna lived below her now, which was a bit better than the fat psychic lady, by far. She had suffered the most in the explosion. At least there was nobody around to hassle Devi to die in a plane crash.

" Is someone coming?" Squee questioned again.

" Yes, I think it's Tenna," Devi explained.

" Who's that again?" Squee looked embarrassed for forgetting.

" Probably one of my only friends," Devi said.

Just then the door burst open and Tenna stood there, her eyes wide and her smile even wider. She smiled so huge the dimples appeared on her ass. " Who's this?" Devi exclaimed, staring at Squee.

Devi wished that the new apartment didn't have a door leading straight into the kitchen. She replied, " This is Squee."

" He's so cute! Where'd you get him?" Tenna asked.

" Actually, that's a very interesting story," Devi said nervously.

" Don't tell me! You actually went outside!" Tenna gasped, "And once outside, some aliens captured you and thrust a child into your arms, demanding that you raise it in your ideals and name it Jesus the Sequel?"

" Ugh!" Devi groaned, " No, he came to me is more like it."

" Oh, are you homeless?" Tenna knelt in front of Squee, " Where are your parents? Unless… Devi, you have a kid?"

Devi shook her head, " No, I don't. With who? I haven't met any guys that were worth going to that stage with."

Tenna stared at her, " You mean you're a…"

" We'll talk later about that, or maybe never!" Devi said, " Let's stick to nice subjects in front of the child, shall we?"

Tenna grinned knowingly and gasped mockingly, " Won't somebody please think of the children?"

Squee's eyes veered off of Tenna's laughing face and back to Devi's, " Does she know Mr. Nny?"

" No, I don't think so," Devi replied.

" Nny… Johnny?" Tenna asked, " You mean that psycho you dated? Is it his kid?"

Devi shuddered, " No, of course not. I don't know whose child Squee – uh, Todd – is. Not directly, anyway. But I do know that Johnny kidnapped him."

" Oh my God," Tenna exclaimed, " Are you going to tell the cops?"

" Those inept baboons couldn't possibly help," Devi grumbled, " I've tried, believe me, to contact them about Nny before. No reaction."

" Shit," Tenna whispered, " So what are you going to do? Keep him?"

" I think so," Devi replied, " Hey, can you watch him? I have to go to the store and get Todd here some clothes, food, and toys."

" Sure," Tenna said, turning to Squee and giving him a friendly smile.

Squee smiled back. These ladies were a lot nicer to be around.

*-.,.-*-.,.-*-.,.-*

Devi walked to the store in a silent haze. She kept thinking about Johnny and Squee and Tenna, about the horrible little mess she'd stumbled into. She also wondered if there was any hope for Johnny. Ever since the day before, she had almost hoped there was a way to get Johnny back to normal, to make him somewhat human again.

Yet the more she thought of this the farther away such a Johnny seemed. Besides, she didn't want to be the one that helped lead him back to "normal" because she herself was nowhere near normal. She had just recently won the battle with Sickness and she didn't want to invite the voices back by hanging around Johnny. No, it would have been simpler to just let Johnny toil his life out in misery and keep her own life separately.

Just as she stepped into the store and prepared to shop under the humming florescent lighting she heard the bells ding behind her. Devi decided to ignore her suspicions as to whoever it was behind her and walked forwards, taking cautious steps because the floor was sticky from Halloween candy.

She ducked into the soda pop isle and then stared nervously at the person following her. She had misgivings about it all, and when she saw who it was, she knew her suspicions were well-guided. For right there, in front of the Brain Freezy machine, was Johnny. Johnny's hair had grown back rather nicely but he was just as lanky.

Devi's heartbeat increased. It felt like a frenzy in her ribcage, rising upwards and throttling inside her throat, her vocal chords vibrating. She realized she was moaning softly and so she slid back farther into the soda display, her eyes staring at the vacant, demonic eyes of the soft-drink slurping children on the bottles and cans. Devi bit her lower lip and struggled to keep her head clear. She kept thinking, I'll just back out of the store before he notices me. I'll buy a few things so as not to appear that I care too much about his presence. Then I'll run.

Johnny pressed a button on the machine and it made a few rather sickening squishing and pumping sounds. Then a glob of red dye fell from the machine and into his cup. Afterwards, a huge mass of crushed ice. Thirdly, a wooden stirring rod was dispensed. Johnny took the stirring rod and stirred the ice with the red dye, watching as the watery solid became infused with the bloody red. It reminded him of his walls, so sickly white and how quickly it absorbed the blood. He turned slowly and saw Devi.

Devi was staring at him, her eyes wide, a dark purple shadow around each one. She slunk backwards even farther, her hands twisted together in a prayer-like position, as if she was making a miserable plea for her life.

Johnny frowned and said, " Devi? I need to talk to you."

Devi shook her head, " Nny, taking Squee – uh, Todd – was fucking sick. Don't do shit like that. He's just a little boy. He's traumatized beyond repair, I fear."

" Repair?" Johnny's eyebrows raised, " Have you designed a stereotypical set point as to what is normal, so that you can begin to repair him, as you say? Am I too crazy then? Would you try to repair me too?"

Devi blushed, " You know I don't mean that. I mean… Johnny, you need help."

Johnny's eyes darkened immediately, as if clouds had been cast over the moon. He sighed, " So then you have Squee."

Devi nodded, " And if you want to do the best thing for that little boy, you should let him grow up with a childhood that at least semi-resembles what a normal childhood is like."

" Which would be with you?" Johnny asked.

" If nobody else takes him in, yes."

" Then I suppose I'm not needed," Johnny looked downcast, " That's all I had left in this town, you know. Just Squee, and that vestige of hope that you'll forgive me. But I suppose you took both away," He turned away slowly.

" Johnny," She felt her stomach turning nervously but she had to say it, " I forgive you."

He blinked, as if mishearing had some connection to his eyes, and then glanced at her nervously, his eyes wide like Squee's, "Is that so?"

" Yes," Devi whispered, " And want to know one more thing? I think I know why you needed Squee. And I've also heard voices. You've brought them to me, but I could fight them off."

" How?" He said, his voice filled with disbelief, " How could you fight them off so quickly, when I've been tortured by them for… for ages?!"

" Because I had people to support me," Devi explained, " It's why your instinct told you to find Squee. You need human contact, Johnny. While you try to shy away from humans the voices get stronger. Didn't you notice?"

Johnny didn't reply but he was certainly considering it in his mind. His eyes studied Devi's and he asked, finally, " How did you think this up? Did you just sit down and decide to analyze me?"

" I didn't try to analyze you. It just… it came to me, Johnny. Something in me told me that you needed help. My help," Devi sighed and shouted at him suddenly, " You know what, though? You're being a bastard! I'm not here to annoy you or call you crazy, I thought maybe I could tell you some things, show that I'm sort of… I don't know… I still care, maybe? To show you that people aren't so bad? But why am I bothering? People are bad, Johnny, people like YOU!" And with that she ran from the store, angry. Except she then realized she had a shopping bag full of items and the alarm went off. Then she had to pay for everything while being seething mad. At least Johnny didn't stick around long. He left, angry, as well, with much to think about.

*-.,.-*-.,.-*-.,.-*

Author's Note: Will Johnny accept Devi's hand as she reaches out to offer him some help (without actually getting close to him, for he'll probably kill her?) Will Johnny ever get to see the darling Squee again? Will Johnny say no to Devi and simply leave town, never accepting responsibility and blame for the voices, instead continually making the same mistake and moving away from people and cloistering himself with the voices?

Review and Find Out!